


I Survived, So Here I Am

by JustDuckinDont



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Blood, Clarke and Ontari have their little thing, Eventual Smut, F/F, Its like a super slow burn, Slow Burn, Then it hits the OTP we all know and love, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-05 18:02:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 48
Words: 264,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5385161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustDuckinDont/pseuds/JustDuckinDont
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After fighting for and winning her freedom from the ice queen, Clarke finds herself back in the warmth of the south. Expecting to live in peace with her mentor and exiles but with the memories of the mountain still plaguing her dreams. </p>
<p>One day during a hunt, her mentor tells her to leave, reminding her that there is more to life outside of the village.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing a non-au, if it can even be considered that. I'm not sure how often I will update but as always, feel free to find me on tumblr at ChooChooDuckChu

She flitted across the forest floor, ducking through the undergrowth that flourished in the months since winter's last breath. Vaulting over fallen trees and across shallow creeks, ignoring the audience that flew above her and ran alongside her. It was an act she'd come to seek out as of late. Feeling the wind in her hair and seep in through her clothes was simply exhilarating, leaving her without a thought of the world.

 

But it didn't always stay that way.

 

Her past still managed to niggle its way into her thoughts when she stopped moving. It was inescapable, and she knew her mentor had been right about that single fact. She knew that maybe it was time to slow down and go back, go back to what she once knew. Not go back to who she once was because that girl was gone. She had died in the woods further to the north than where she was now. Died in the snow drifts that built against the walls of the ice cities. Died in the ice pits where she battled for her freedom.

 

In those snow drifts, in that pit, before them all she had already been a legend. Her name even then a whisper on lips of the common people, on the lips of warriors, generals and leaders of all the clans. She had been the _wanheda_ , destroyer of the mountain, freer of its people but now she ran as the champion of the north. Slayer of the creature distorted by radioactivity, sporting its lasting scars on her once smooth back.

 

She slowed to a walk at the thought, dropping herself to the grassy floor of a clearing, drawing her sword across her lap that caught the gleam of the noon sun. The greatest blacksmiths of the northern cities had come together to forge this single sword, symbols that stood for each of her titles etched into its blade.

 

She hated the ice queen for it. She hated the reminders etched into the sword of the things she'd done, of the people she'd conquered. Their blood staining her hands but nothing conquered the blood she'd shed in that mountain. Nothing could make her forget the nightmares that still haunted her resting moments and waking. Nothing could make her forget the bodies of children lying dead in their parents arms, skin pulled taut across bone. Expressions full of anguish still visible despite the radioactive burns.

 

Nothing could make her forget the pain of being betrayed and abandoned on that mountain. Nothing could make her forget her hatred for the one who forced her hand in murdering a mountain of innocent. Nothing could make her forget Lexa, the commander of the 12 clans.

 

Clarke Griffin could not and did not forget the beginning of what she thought would be her end.

 

_Her vision blurred as she drifted into nothingness, convinced she was greeting a long awaited death when she suddenly woke once more to a crackling fire and warm furs laid over her body. The woman across from her silent, her eyes downcast and focused on the fire. Her face covered in black paint, the paint that followed her prominent scars across her face as if she'd gotten into a fight with a creature far beyond Clarke's wildest dreams._

 

_The woman unmoving as Clarke shifted into a sitting position, swallowing despite her dry throat and fingers inching towards a branch sticking out of the fire. Silently wishing she hadn't tossed her gun into a gorge days ago. She wrapped her hand around the small branch and swung it at the woman but she was ready for her. Dodging the attack and slamming Clarke into the wall of the cave behind her, the edges of stone cutting into her skin through her jacket. Her grip firm and unmovable despite Clarke's struggles. Her eyes a piercing gray, so light they were almost white that Clarke became acquainted with quickly enough as the woman rarely spoke. Choosing to speak through glances and glares as Clarke spoke to her._

 

_She had no idea what her name was, but she wanted to know. She wanted to know who pushed her awake by boot tip in the middle of the night during her nightmares. Who shoved a spear and knife into her hands in the pink of dawn then taught her to hunt. Giving her one lesson before abandoning her to hunt on her own just as the commander had. She learned fairly quickly once she'd returned empty handed the first time that the warrior would not let her rest until she showed progress._

 

She shifted as the sun glared down at her as it set behind the trees ahead of her. Getting to her feet and sliding the sword back into its leather sheath at her back, just behind her bow and quiver full of arrows. She began to walk instead of run, the longer it took her to return to the southern territory would hopefully quell the anxiety she felt surging through her limbs.

 

_Only once did she manage to catch the warrior with a clean face, with clean hair, finding out that the woman was blonde as mud no longer clung to her head. Clarke had hidden herself in a thicket as silently as she could manage. Finding the quiet one emerging from a slow flowing river that twisted near the cave they called home. Naked as the day she was born, scars running across the skin of her toned stomach and arms, down her legs as if she had survived the torture that she had once seen Raven partially go through._

 

_Clarke watched as she dressed in the dark clothes she always wore. Tightening straps across her legs and chest to keep her clothes in place. The sleeves of her worn shirt rolled up to her elbows as she sat on a rock at the river's edge. Her feet bare as she drew a knife from a place Clarke couldn't see. The warrior dragging the blade through the hair on her head, shaving the sides down but leaving the middle long enough for her to run her fingers through. Watching as the warrior stabbed the blade into the earth behind her, reaching up to delicately braid the blonde hair that remained._

 

_Clarke shifted, feeling her legs begin to stiffen but breaking a stick underfoot. She snapped her head up as the warrior did, her head turning and facing Clarke. Her eyes remaining impassive, emotionless as she turned back towards the river. Not caring if Clarke watched her, not caring if Clarke saw the scars on her face clear as day. Not caring to see if Clarke's face twisted in distorted horror as she imagined the pain the woman must have felt when she received them._

 

_It was enough to push Clarke away, to make her return to the cave with the spear in hand before the warrior did. The warrior returning with her bow slung across her back and a rabbit in her hand, held by the back legs as she dropped it before Clarke. Then dropping a knife at her feet with a glare as if to say 'you saw me at my weakest point so now you do dinner' and Clarke accepted it. She accepted the punishment that she knew the warrior was throwing at her._

 

A snap of a twig pulled Clarke from her memories and she stooped low. Straining her ears for footsteps when a deer stepped into the path ahead of her. Lean and graceful as it dropped its head to pull at the fresh spring grass. She felt the urge to kill but refrained from it, clicking her tongue loud enough for the deer to startle and spring away. It was refreshing for her to witness life in this part of the woods, after the long, cold winter she'd endured in the village many miles behind her.

 

_She woke that morning to a cold cave, to a fire long since burnt out and the warrior missing from her usual place. The bow and arrows that normally laid next to her seat missing but the warrior's knife stuck in the dirt next to Clarke's face as she sat up. The dark feeling of abandonment coursing through her and sadness toying at the outer spectrum of her emotions._

 

_She let out a sigh, pulling the furs up and over her head in an attempt to keep warm as snow began to fall at the mouth of the cave. Wind building as it howled through the forest like wolves in the night, the air icy that hit the exposed skin of her hands as she tried to bring the fire back. Her teeth clicking together uncontrollably, hands trembling as mild heat grew but it wasn't enough to keep her warm._

 

_She shivered as a shadow fell across her, the warrior having returned with a horse. The woman grabbing Clarke, dragging her from the cave and ignoring the burning fire. Heaving Clarke onto the horse before pulling herself up behind her and driving the animal hard through the sudden blizzard. Snow flying by as they rode when a sudden village sprang up before them as if by magic. The warrior halting the panting horse, dismounting and dragging Clarke with her._

 

_Clarke put up no fight, she knew the warrior would down her in a second should she struggle against her. The warrior had never been gentle with her, often making a move to even strike her should Clarke show defiance. The warrior taught her to just accept the power she had over her and Clarke allowed it, grateful to no longer be in control of herself or anyone else._

 

_She did not baby Clarke, she did not treat her as if she were weak, she treated her like she would any other warrior and Clarke recognized it as she was half dragged towards a hut. The roof thatched and caked in snow as Clarke was shoved inside. A fire burning bright in the center as she dropped herself onto the wooden bench across from it. Shivering in the cold air that manage to squeeze itself through the thin walls._

 

Clarke looked up towards the sky as it darkened, making the choice to climb a tree for the night. Passing by round, rough trunks until finding one she deemed decent enough for herself. Digging her boots into the surface as she stabbed two pronged blades into the bark, hauling herself upward until she reached a thick enough branch to support her weight. She leaned back, feeling the sword press into her back between her shoulder blades and maybe once before she might have found this uncomfortable. But now she found it relaxing, knowing she was safe above the earth for a time.

 

_Each day she grew stronger than the last, accepting the warrior's way. Accepting the warrior's offering of warmer clothes then more hunting. Learning that the woman who found her was Alta, the village healer Nadira. Her days falling into a scheduled pattern, waking, hunting, being ignored by other village people. Only Nadira meeting with her should she injure herself in the woods._

 

_The healer was kind, her eyes light brown and warm, stark difference from the warrior. She spoke english to Clarke but spoke trigedasleng to the warrior despite not being replied to aside from soft grunts and nods in front of Clarke._

 

_Months later she woke to the healer sitting beside her bed, a knife in one hand and a piece of wood in the other. Whittling carefully and quietly as Clarke sat up sleepily, heart racing from the dream she woke from.“You wake,” she spoke low, quietly._

 

“ _I do.”_

 

“ _A queen rides this day.”_

 

“ _A queen?” Clarke asked, she could assume it to be the commander whose name she refused to speak._

 

“ _The ice queen, my queen, my lady in white.”_

 

“ _Why.”_

 

“ _For you, we wanted to keep you hidden but someone passing through the village saw you. Spoke of you in the queen's land, outside of exile. She rides for the_ wanheda, _destroyer of the mountain, freer of its people, to learn if you are real and not legend.” The healer shifted in her seat, “you have a choice.”_

 

“ _Do I?”_

 

“ _You have a choice to leave or stay and meet the queen. You can remain a legend with whispers of your death on the lips of every warrior and child or be seen by her. To be real, it is your choice, I nor Alta will stop you.”_

 

_She waited patiently as Clarke considered. Unsure with this new found ability to make a decision given to her by Nadira. Unsure if she should let the world know she still lived and breathed. Unsure if this queen would allow her to live or kill her on the spot and perhaps it was time. Perhaps it was time for her to come out of hiding and take the chance to rejoin the living._

 

She snapped her eyes open as a hawk landed a few feet from her on her branch. Its piercing eyes meeting hers for a moment then letting out a screech as she scrambled in sudden terror. Resulting in her hitting the ground below her with a groan, something Alta would surely have her head for if she were here. She sat up slowly, grateful that she wasn't as she stretched. Making sure she hadn't broken anything, checking her weapons that had managed to survive the fall but finding a few broken arrows. She could salvage them, break off the heads and save the feathers.

 

She walked with the arrows in her hand, breaking them up, dropping the heads into the leather pouch at her hip. Weaving the feathers into her braids to keep them safe, listening to the soft sound of birds chirping over head then another sudden screech. The sound reminding her of the ice queen and the white hawk that sat on her shoulder, one eye blind and the other red as blood.

 

_The queen sat a top a horse as white as snow, the dress she wore long and white. She truly was the lady in white as Nadira had called her but the healer failed to mention the icy blue gleam in her eyes. She failed to mentioned the nearly white blonde hair that hung straight down her back. Her skin as white as snow that did not even glow in the torches that burned on either side of her in her guards hands. The guards dressed in black, faces covered by black feathered masks with black beaks._

 

_She dismounted with a flourish, gliding to the snow dusted earth beneath her. The land cleared as her arrival warned by a man in dark leather on a panting steed. She held her arm out as she approached Clarke and the fluttering of wings pierced the air along with an unearthly scream. A snow white hawk landing perfectly with talons that should have cut the queen to ribbons but did not, the bird landing on her shoulder rather than her outstretched arm._

 

“ _You are the feller of the mountain,” the queen spoke. Her tone disbelieving as her emotionless eyes narrowed, the bird on her shoulder seemingly mirroring her gaze as she looked Clarke over. Approaching her slowly, her delicate fingers reaching out and touching the soft leather of her clothing. “But you look like common folk, not a thing of legend, not a beast from the books of old. A human, a normal human girl who is untrained and unknown.”_

 

“ _I..-”_

 

“ _You do not speak when a queen speaks girl.” She leaned over, her fingers slipping beneath Clarke's chin, tilting her head up to look the queen dead in the eye. “How is it that you, a mere girl, is whispered about in the streets of Polis, how is it that you are both a nightmare to children and a lullaby sung by mothers at hearth fires to calm them. How and not I, the queen of the north lands. The one who rules the shifting ice like she would her own children, who is legend to protect the children from death in the dead of winter. How are you more than I?”_

 

“ _Even you could not fell the mountain, queen Nia.” A voice broke through the silence. A voice Clarke barely recognized but as the warrior pushed through, she knew her exactly. She had never heard Alta speak more than two words at a time but here she spoke a full english sentence. “The mountain cast it shadow over all of our lands since the great falling of the civilization of old and she destroyed it. A mere girl, did what you, the queen of the north, could not.”_

 

That memory in particular caused her to grin, Alta defending her and putting the queen in her place always made her smile. Alta, the warrior who returned from the brink of death, exiled to the land that separated the north and the south. The warrior who returned to the north as Clarke did, training her, teaching her, protecting her until she could no more.

 

_Clarke rode alongside Alta on the ice road to the north. The queen and her guard ahead of them, out of earshot but within viewing distance. It had been Alta's idea to remain this far behind, her distrust for the queen radiating around her like hot heat from the cooking fires at the village._

 

“ _Where is the ice city?” Clarke asked quietly, her voice carrying away from them as the wind blew over them but Alta said nothing. “Is it made of ice?” Nothing. “Is there more than one ice city?” Nothing. “Can you answer me?” Nothing, Clarke sighed, dropping her head and staring at her fur lined leather gloves. “What is the name of the city we ride for?”_

 

“ _Ontre,” Alta replied curtly, her tone harsh and Clarke almost missed it over the howling wind. Her fur lined hood flapping in the snow dusted wind loud in her ears as they rode and Clarke remained silent for what felt like hours of riding. Hours before something began to grow in the distance, Clarke squinting her eyes to try and make it out but failing, it looked like nothing more than a mountain._

 

“ _We have arrived,” Alta murmured and Clarke glanced at her in confusion._

 

“ _It can't be, it looks like nothing,” Alta merely shook her head and Clarke understood it to mean that she was serious. That the growing object in the distance was Ontre, an ice city._

 

Clarke remembered the way the city had grown as they rode, then the ice walls became truly visible and still to that day she wondered if some type of grounder magic was what made the city appear the way it did. Buildings entirely cased in ice, stores entirely cased in ice, the roads made of a cracked, dark stone. Lit at night by glass encased flames that were only visible until you were within a few feet of them as the nights were plagued by blizzards. In the gleam of the morning sun was when the city was most beautiful, standing in the yard of the barracks that Alta lead her to each day. Thrusting a dull blade into her hand.

 

_It was early the morning she was woken by the queen's guards. Their faces hidden by their feathered masks as they dragged her from her bed. Tossing her to the stone floor of her room, their booted feet holding her arms to the floor as she fought against them. Only stopping when the queen entered her room, dressed in armor that looked to be made of plated ice. Solid and dark as it wrapped her chest, down her legs and arms. Cloth hanging around her hips that stopped knee length, the symbol of the ice nation clear against the iron gray fabric._

 

“ _I tire of watching you train with that exile day in and day out, it does nothing for you. She is too patient, too simple, too clean for my liking.” The queen knelt, her armor clicking together and the cloth at her waist sweeping the floor. “So you will go to the fighting pits in Otta, you will learn there because no teacher is better than the possibility of death. You will either learn or die, I care not if you survive but should you.. then I shall reward you.” She stood back up straight, motioning with her hand for the guards to take her. “I have a war to wage, and should you survive six months then I will return for you and make you a general in my armies.”_

 

Clarke hated those ice pits, she hated the blades that always seemed to be sharper than her own as they slashed through her leather armor. That slashed through her skin, she hated taking the lives of some common criminal that she was pitted against. She hated not knowing what happened to Alta until she came to the six month mark but it was the fight that came before the last that still shook her to her core.

 

_The crowds cheered outside of her cell, the cell she'd called home for the past six months. She'd heard rumors from the guards that a special treat was being brought in just for her. A creature so powerful and bloodthirsty that it had claimed hundreds of victims in the last fifty years. She heard the guards bet on how long it took her to die, on how mutilated her body would be after she died. The guards laughter echoing through the tunnels as they walked the path toward her cell. Their boots near soundless against the loose earth._

 

“ _You, get up, you have a fight.” One of them told her, the largest of them with his face covered in deep blue tattoos as if they were claw marks straight down and braided facial hair._

 

“ _I fight my last battle this day and it is not until later.”_

 

“ _Not what I was told, get to your feet.” He unlocked her cell, throwing it open and grabbing her by the shoulder. His large hand in a vice like grip on her until they came to the armory where another, smaller man fitted her in her leather armor. Her armor hastily patched by blacksmiths, tailors and leather workers in training alike. Numerous shades of brown that she did not mind as she only wore it to survive._

 

_She would not be given anything to defend herself until she was in the pits, if she was given anything at all. She ground her teeth as she was shoved forward through the metal gates and into the pit. She preferred this one, it wasn't covered like the others. Fresh snow often covering the blood stained snow of the previous fights._

 

_The snow crunched underfoot as she crossed in the center, listening as the crowds cheered loudly for the one titled heda of Otta. A mocking title that Clarke did not care for as the doors opened opposite of her, a man stepping out with such a pronounced limp that she thought he may fall before he reached her._

 

_However she was sorely mistaken, the man did make it to her and he raised his head. She jerked backward, her eyes wide in fear and recognition as his face was burned, just like in her nightmares. The angry red skin pulled taut across his facial features, his long since burned away lips leaving his black gums and teeth visible as he let out a roar. Straightening up to full height but only a few inches taller than herself._

 

Clarke remembered finding the man easy enough to kill, a dull sword lodged in his burnt neck. Blood pouring from the open wound as she yanked her sword free from him. Painting the snow in a deep sea of red. She remembered the crowd standing in their cheers as she trembled, his lifeless pupils blown, eyes staring up at her. Her nightmare had come to life during that battle and her strikes were frantic, not calculating as she normally was. Resulting in her own cuts and bruises until she'd managed to get a grip on herself. Realizing that no matter how far she went, no matter who she killed, no matter how much she wanted to forget, her past would find her. That it would seep in through her pores and settle in her bones, that it had become a part of her she would never escape.

 

_She sat alone in her cell, still in her armor awaiting her final battle. The flashes of memory from her previous battle flickering before her eyes as she wrung her hands. Wishing she could wash her mind of it, wishing for something, anything. A wish granted as she heard footsteps and the click of plated armor echo down the hallway towards her then Alta rounding the corner. Alta, alive and dressed in actual armor rather than her leather. Scars covered in paint, but alive and frowning as Clarke sat bleeding from a wound on her shoulder in her cell._

 

“ _You're alive, she didn't kill you.” Said Clarke standing, drinking in the familiarity of her stoic mentor. Breaking into a small smile as the woman nodded, her hands reaching in through the bars of Clarke's cell and gripping at her leather armor. Yanking her close, grasping at her forearm firmly as Clarke returned the notion. “Where have you been all this time? Has she hurt you?”_

 

_Alta shook her head, closing her eyes briefly then meeting Clarke's blue eyes. “Survive and you will be free once more.”_

 

“ _What if I don't want to be free? What if I want to die in that pit? What if I want to put an end to my story, an end to this endless battle that I've been thrust into.” Clarke sighed, “perhaps I should have never met with the ice queen. I should have escaped and run back to what I once knew before fighting for an inevitable end in these pits.”_

 

_The warrior shook her head once more, “it was meant to happen and now you must survive.” Alta released her arm and took a step back as the familiar guards appeared. Dressed in black but without masks as they approached, pushing Alta aside._

 

“ _Its time,” one of them told her as the ice queen herself glided down the hallway in a pale blue dress. White furs draped over her shoulders, looking the same as she had been six months ago when they met in Clarke's room in Ontre._

 

“ _Good to see you alive Clarke, I have to admit that I expected you to die but, alas I was wrong.” She flicked her wrist and one of the guards opened Clarke's cell door, pulling her from her cell roughly. “But I wonder.. will you survive this final battle? Or die like the rest.”_

 

“ _I guess we'll both see.”_

 

“ _Of course but I've decided to change your reward, you will not fight in my army. You will be set free, free within the exiled lands. I care not what you do should you manage to free yourself. I care not if you leave the exiled lands but should you return to the north. I will hunt you, I will hunt you down like the skai girl you are.”_

 

“ _I am no longer of the skai, Nia, I fell and I am just like you. I am of the ground but clanless and homeless.” Clarke spat at her, she knew the queen would take offense to her not using her title and the queen scowled in anger. Backhanding Clarke but her lips twisting into a dark smile as Clarke hit the dirt._

 

“ _Take her to the pit she battled in before, the beast is kept there, feasting on her slain.” The queen ordered and her guards grabbed Clarke, hauling her to her feet. “Make sure she is armed, I want this battle to last, I want to watch as she begins to feel hopelessness despite her advantages.”_

 

_The guards dragged her away with those words ringing in her ears. One of them thrusting a sharp blade and dagger into her hands before pushing her through the gates and into the pit. Freezing as the creature before her had yet to realize she was there. The creature gray and muscled, open wounds scaring its back as it leaned over the dead body left in the snow. Its long muzzle painted red as its black stained teeth sliced through burnt skin to devour the near frozen meat inside._

 

_Clarke assumed that it had once been a wolf, an artic wolf, she remembered the pictures from her life on the ark of the creature thought to be extinct. But now as it suddenly lifted its large head, breathing in, catching her scent through its black nose. The eyeless pits on its face directed at her as if it did actually have eyes. Scars crisscrossed over the empty voids as if someone had long since cut them straight out of its head. Roaring as it rose to stand on its hind legs as if it were human before breaking into a run, charging straight for her. Its blood stained tongue lolling between his incisors as he leaped claws outstretched but narrowly missing Clarke's head as she rolled away._

 

_Her choice made without her consent, her choice to survive rather than die._

 

Clarke blinked and shook her head, stopping at a cliff that overlooked a deep ravine. Dangling her legs over the edge as she pulled dried meat from the pouch at her hip. The scars that ran along her back ached at the memory, those long claws dragging across her skin like a sharp sword through air. She remembered driving her sword through his skull, dislodging the dagger she'd stabbed into one its eyeless sockets. The dagger dropping to the snow silently as she stepped back from the dead beast. Drenched in head to toe of her blood as well as the creatures. The crowd silent as the ice queen herself let out a bloodthirsty scream at Clarke surviving, the hawk that sat on her shoulder landing in the snow making a meal of the downed creature.

 

Days later the queen gave her the sword strapped to Clarke's hip and sent her alongside Alta back to the exile lands. There she lived alongside Alta and Nadira, learning trigedasleng from Nadira until one day Alta took her hunting to the land bordering the Trikru.

 

“ _You do not belong here Clarke.” Alta had begun after stopping them in the center of a clearing, the sky dark with the promise of rain. “You are not like Nadira or I, not like the other exiles of the clans. You have a destiny beyond our little family, our village, beyond our pitiful squabbles. You have a home of your choosing to return to, you have your skai people.”_

 

“ _How do you..-”_

 

“ _You once whispered their names as you slept, you spoke of a Raven so bright she blinded the sun himself. You spoke of an Octavia the most fearless and determined of them all. You spoke of a Bellamy as much your equal as any other. Of a Lincoln so kind and strong that you envied him but also of the commander herself, your hatred for her. The fire that built in the pit of your stomach and fueled the hatred that I suspect still burns to this day. You should return, but should you not like what you find.. you will always have a place among the exiled.”_

 

“ _Alta.. I-”_

 

“ _It is my final advice to you, Clarke of the sky people.” Alta turned from her, her words hanging in the air around Clarke like a heavy cloud. No one had called her that since the commander had, she had always been wanheda, destroyer of the mountain, freer of the people or heda of Otta before that day._

 

All of this days ago, days since she had last spoken to Alta. Days since she had last seen Nadira's warm smile as she entered the hut. Days since she ate around a fire with people she learned to love and care for, now she sat a few miles from Camp Jaha. The ravine she sat over filled with the remains of the fallen ark from nearly a year ago. She knew this wasn't a good place to stop, she could be seen by passing arkers or even trikru from Ton DC.

 

She sighed as she stood, sticking the remaining meat between her teeth as she brushed dirt from her pants and heading back into the forest. Chewing slowly, methodically as she wondered if she should visit the camp or not. If she should climb into the trees and watch them for a moment, if she should even enter the camp. See her mother and friends again but she bypassed the camp, turning towards Ton DC.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Despite the season 3 trailer dropping today.. I am updating!

Ton DC rose from the ground up before her as she approached. She kept herself hidden by ducking through the undergrowth but she couldn't miss the sight of new wooden walls, the scent of fresh cut pine heavy in the air. It was a stark difference from the way she'd left it, now only smoke rose from cooking fires as she quickly climbed a tree before looking over the village.

 

She was unsure of what she'd find but she could assure herself that it would be easier on her than her mother and her friends but as she peered down from her perch. She couldn't believe her eyes, finding her mother standing at the entrance of the village in grounder clothes, her skin tan and her hair lighter as if bleached by the sun. Appearing to be arguing with Nyko, and her mother seeming to be winning as Nyko frowned but nodded.

 

The healer leaving her at the entrance, only for her mother to be suddenly sought out by Indra. Indra, who was much the same as the day Clarke had left, her age showing slightly more now as Clarke peered down at her. But a sound pulled her attention, the sound of horses thundering up the path behind her tree and shouts of _heda_ piercing the air.

 

And of course, _of course_ she would arrive the same day as the commander. Of course she would watch as the commander dismounted her black horse with a flourish, her armor fitting her form tightly and unchanged despite the time gone by. Her brunette curls longer and her eyes still the same, emotionless, guarded. Black warpaint around her eyes, down her cheeks as if dripping, the only change to the commander seemed to be the woman standing just a few feet from her at her side.

 

The one who appeared the same age as Lexa, her hair and skin a shade darker than Lexa's own but her hair pulled back in dreads down over her shoulders. Her warpaint a shade of deep blue, down the middle of her nose and across her cheeks. A set of daggers strapped to the middle of her lower back as she followed the path into Ton DC next to Lexa. Her eyes flitting to the trees and for a moment Clarke wondered if she'd been seen but the woman looked away. Following Lexa into her tent.

 

She waited in her perch until night fell, the village falling silent as they turned in for the night. The woman who had followed Lexa into the tent long since departed to a separate area of the village. Her mother long gone back to Camp Jaha and Clarke knew now was the time to climb down.

 

She slipped to the ground silently, turning to leave when a figure stepped out ahead of her. Partially hidden by the darkness of the night, the torch light not reaching them as they stood facing each other.

 

“What do you want,” Clarke asked, allowing her tone to be harsh despite not knowing who it was but she had an inkling.

 

“You're alive,” was all Lexa said as she stepped forward into the torch light. “I saw you in the trees, watching, Ontari told me you were there long before I even knew but I thought maybe my eyes and she were lying to me.”

 

“Ontari?”

 

“A survivor of the mountain, she stayed instead of returning to her home land in the north.”

 

“Azgeda.”

 

“Yes.. you're here.” She repeated, extending her hand and touching the fabric of Clarke's gray shirt. A gift from Nadira the day she left, and for a moment Clarke wondered why Lexa was daring to touch her. As if she expected Clarke was nothing more than a trick of the eye, that she would disappear should she even blink. “They said you were dead,” she murmured as Clarke jerked back from her.

 

“They lied.”

 

“Where were you?”

 

“Does it matter?” She hissed. She was seething, a stirring of fire building low inside of her. Burning and threatening to escape her as she inhaled through her nose, exhaling the feeling between her lips.

 

“You need to see to your people.”

 

“They aren't my people anymore.” Clarke spoke calmer now, she knew it would do her no good to let her emotions run rampant in this moment.

 

“They will always be your people Clarke, that is the one thing you cannot escape.”

 

“You're wrong, you can always escape.” The words left her and she knew she was lying, she knew that Lexa knew she was lying. Anyone that could manage to hear her would know that was lying but she let it sit. Let it simmer and she heard Lexa shift, her boots crunching in the leaves underfoot as she took a step backward. Retreating to the cover of darkness.

 

“Why did you come back.”

 

“Does it matter?”

 

“Will you be here tomorrow? Will you see your people, the ones you abandoned.”

 

“You're one to talk about abandoning, didn't you abandon me at the mountain?”

 

“I chose with my head rather than my heart Clarke.”

 

“I don't want to hear your excuses again commander.” Clarke growled pushing past the commander, following the path that would take her away from Ton DC. Not bothering to turn back and make sure no one followed her, not slowing until she was sure she was a good distance from it. The torch lights no longer burning in the distance.

 

She ran until she could no longer, her legs burning as she slowed to a walk alongside a quiet flowing river. Letting the sound soothe her, letting it wash away the anger she'd felt for the commander. Letting it wash away the guilt of bypassing Camp Jaha once more on her trek through Trikru territory. She sighed as she dropped herself onto a large river rock, wrapping her arms around her knees. Feeling herself grow tired as the sun began to rise in the distance.

 

The light casting shadows across her skin, glittering in the river like diamonds before her. The itch to capture this moment beginning in her fingers and flowing up through her arms, squeezing at her heart. She shifted to grab her notebook, another gift from Nadira but the sound of an arrow flying through the air caught her attention. With a duck she scrabbled off of the rock, ducking into the brush of the treeline behind her as her name was called, along with a title.

 

“Clarke, champion of the north, come out and face me!” The voice shouted, piercing the air but Clarke remained in her position. Trying to find the person who seemingly wanted to kill her, not wanting to give them a chance to do it. “I know where you are, it is fruitless to hide. I am the greatest tracker in the north and the south, none surpass me.”

 

“You will kill me oh great hunter?” Clarke mocked, freezing as a body rounded the tree trunk she pressed against. The woman she understood to be Ontari holding a dagger to her throat menacingly. “Ontari.”

 

“Yes, and you are Clarke of the sky people, champion of the northern ice pits, destroyer of the mountain, freer of its people, _wanheda_.”

 

“Titles I am not worthy of,” Clarke took a risk and pushed back from the woman. Backing up into the clearing alongside the river, Ontari following. Ducking beneath a low lying branch with her blade thrust out ahead of her, directed at Clarke's throat.

 

“I watched you fight in those pits, you are certainly worthy of champion.”

 

“I should have died there.”

 

“Yet you did not, yet you fought on and won your freedom from my mother, the queen of the north.”

 

“You are Nia's? But you-” she paused, stopping herself from saying that she looked nothing like her mother except for the hard glare she gave. “Why are you with the commander?”

 

“I chose not to return to the north permanently, not to return to my people, just as you did except you returned but will you stay?”

 

“I have not returned to my people, only to the place where rivers run free and cool. Not cold and frozen in time.” Clarke swallowed as Ontari sheathed her dagger behind her back.

 

“Perhaps not, but you are still here. You saw the commander, you heard her speak of you as if you were truly dead and nothing more than a ghost before her but I must ask. Have you returned to slay the one who betrayed you and abandoned you as you so believe? The same as you have done to your own people, is that why you have returned? Will you slay her then return to exile with the cold blooded murderer of the south?”

 

Clarke licked her lips, the questions this woman asked were ones she had once considered. She had day dreamed of killing the commander, of driving a blade through her surely black, uncaring heart but they had faded. Faded as the person she once was had faded, now she didn't know what she wanted to do.

 

Because yes, she still felt anger for the commander. She still felt that burning hatred but she was unsure if it was enough for her to kill her.

 

“I don't know, Ontari of the ice nation, I don't know.”

 

“That is not a suitable answer for me, I need a yes or no, I need a definite answer and until I get the correct answer, I will follow you. Should you run from me here today then I will hunt you, I will follow you to whichever land you choose to run for. I will find you and I will kill you.”

 

“And if I kill you? If I happen to best you?”

 

“My spirit will haunt you until the end of your days should you harm the commander, that is no threat, it is a promise.” Ontari snarled, her hand resting on the hilt of her dagger but she stiffened in confusion as Clarke merely nodded at her. Turning her back to her and reclaiming her seat on the river rock.

 

“You will wait a long time then.”

 

“Patience is taught in the north, a large part of our warrior training. Impatience in the snows will kill us rather than protect us.” The woman paused, the sound of her dropping into the grass at the river's edge near silent. “I will wait.”

 

“And so you shall.” Clarke murmured, resting her head on her knees as the sun rose above them. The time passing but her mind silent, the warrior behind her shifting every so often until finally rising at the sun's descent.

 

“I will return, Clarke of the sky people.” She spoke before bounding away from Clarke and it was tempting for her to run in the opposite direction but she remained. Her legs unwilling to carry her across the river and into the forest, but instead allowing her to stand. Following the treeline behind her and gathering wood for a fire.

 

The act within itself confusing her, as if she had no control over her own actions. The split second thought of the commander passing through her mind as she bent. Fingers grazing a flower as red as the commander's sash, plucking it gently from the forest floor. The flower suddenly turning to ash as she straightened up.

 

“They die if you remove them, they are beautiful and rare but you cannot move them.” Ontari suddenly broke through the tree line, standing in front of Clarke but she ignored her gaze. Staring at the ash that blew away in the cool breeze between them.

 

“I didn't know, I never saw many flowers to the north nor when I made my home in the south.”

 

“Only the ice rose grows in the north, they flourish there. Strong and resilient against the blizzards that plague the cities. They die should they leave the city walls, they die should they attempt to be removed from their home just as that red flower did.” The warrior held up a rabbit in her hand, blood dripping from its open wound and mouth. “But not all flowers die as they leave home, some survive. Some merely wilt but will grow strong and true once more in their homeland.”

 

“You seem to know a lot about the flora.”

 

“They are easier to understand than people and animals.” Her lips twitched into a faint smile as she turned away from Clarke. “Come, build this fire so we may eat.”

 

And she did, Clarke built the fire, coaxing it to grow beneath her hands as Alta had taught her. Watching it grow until it warmed her and Ontari, shadows flickering at the edges of its glow as night fell around them.

 

Ontari fell into skinning the rabbit with a knife she'd pulled from her black, mud covered boot. Running a sharpened stick through its body and holding it over the blaze. Remaining silent as she turned the rabbit by hand, letting it cook evenly. It was an act that Clarke had watched Alta do many times, and she wondered if by some way that the two were related. She knew herself to be wrong as Alta was born of the tree people as Ontari was of the ice, many years apart in their births.

 

“How did you survive in the north? How did you make it? Who helped you until the ice queen found you?” Ontari broke the silence with her questions and Clarke knew that if the woman continued, that she would find herself adopting Alta's way of replying.

 

“An exile found me.”

 

“Who, what was their name?”

 

“Does that matter?”

 

“Yes, it does, I know that the exile named Alta was with you in the ice city before being forced into the ice queen's army during the rebellion.”

 

“It was her, she saved me.”

 

“I don't believe you, no one would ever expect the murderer of the south to be a savior but you say she is.”

 

“She was a murderer?” She had known little of Alta's past, only that she had once been trikru and snatches of information from people passing in the exile village.

 

“Yes, she was exiled by the commander when she was very young. She survived a thousand cuts and the commander allowed her to live instead of killing her. She was exiled because she murdered her brother in cold blood, cut his head clean off with her greatsword, specially designed for her by Trikru blacksmiths. The sword that still sits in the Polis armory that no one dares to use.”

 

“Why did she kill her brother?”

 

“No one knows, she would not answer the questions they asked. Choosing to remain silent, she did not even scream as they tortured her. She just stared into the eyes of each person who dragged a blade across her skin.” Ontari turned the skewer but Clarke remained silent, disbelieving of the story that Ontari told her about her mentor.

 

“How do you know this?”

 

“She is a legend among the trikru, her story even crossing the land to the north.”

 

“I see.”

 

“But perhaps she did have good reason to kill him or perhaps she knew she was truly guilty for murdering him in cold blood. No one knows,” she repeated cutting into the rabbit with her knife. Slicing a piece off and holding it out to Clarke. “Just as she must have had a good reason for saving you, she couldn't have known who you were until much later. The exiles do not hear much news from the north, south, east or west but I am sure news of the mountain reached them.”

 

“I don't know how she found me, I just remember waking up to her in a cave.” Clarke accepted the offered meat, watching as Ontari sliced off more and more of the meat. “Wasn't until later that I was taken to a village.”

 

“The exiles only have one.”

 

“Have you been there?”

 

“Once, when I was young, my mother took me there and told me that if I were to ever disobey her she would send me there.”

 

“Mother of the year,” Clarke muttered accepting more of the offered meat. Staring into the depths of the fire as she chewed, ignoring Ontari's hard stare. The ever present question of if she would kill the commander playing just beyond her conscious mind as a more prominent question arose. “Did the commander send you to follow me?” She looked up as the warrior merely shrugged, taking a piece of meat between her teeth. “I need to know.”

 

“Just as I need to know if you intend to kill the commander or not,” the warrior replied cutting into the rabbit once more. “I suspect will we both have answers to our questions soon enough.”

 

“I don't know, I don't know what I will do.”

 

“Did you intend to before? As you ran from your people, did it cross your mind?”

 

“I was focused on surviving, not exacting my revenge but now I have the means to, I have the skills. I have the tools, death no longer scares me as it once did.” She sighed, “I don't know, I expect the day that I myself will die before I come to the decision of killing the commander or not.”

 

“As does every warrior but first we have a destiny to fulfill.”

 

“Destiny..” Clarke murmured, flashes of the scene long since passed inside of that mountain flashing across her vision. Was it destiny that led her to murder all of those innocent people? Was it destiny that she choose to leave her people behind and live in exile only for the ice queen to find her? “Does destiny count in the lives we must take or is it just a necessity for survival on the road to fulfilling it.”

 

“Only the gods know the answers to such questions,” Clarke looked up as Ontari replied. Meeting her dark eyes that firelight danced within, a small smile on her lips as she chewed her food. She took in her features, the faded war paint that still clung to her cheeks, but it couldn't hide how young she was. The brunette carried a softness but Clarke knew she would still be all warrior when she needed to be. “You should rest, Clarke of the sky people. I suspect you have things to do as the sun rises.”

 

Clarke nodded rather than speak, she did have something to do, something to think about and a person to ignore as she knew Ontari would surely follow her wherever she may go. She let out a sigh as she lied back on the ground, resting her arm beneath her head to serve as a pillow. Letting the night sky blanket her and the stars sing her to sleep.

 

_Blood stained the walls as she walked among the bodies, stepping over a fallen man. Her boots sticking in the blood that coated the floor but suddenly blood poured from all of the bodies in the room. The bodies she recognized as the slain in the mountain, the criminals from the ice pits strewn among them. Her breath caught as she felt a hand wrap itself around her ankle and Maya's burnt, blood stained face rising from the sea of blood. Eyes missing as the black voids stared up at her, lips twisted into a silent plea for help as Clarke jerked away from her. Stumbling on another body as she fell, panic setting in. She was sure she would drown on the blood on the innocent and sinister alike._

 

She gasped as another set of hands grabbed her, her eyes snapping open but meeting Ontari's shadowy features. The sun slowly rising as Clarke rose into a sitting position, her heart racing as she panted.

 

“You were yelling that you were sorry, does this happen often?” Ontari sat back as Clarke shifted away from her, her heart still racing and her mouth dry but nodding. Much more so than before. “Many warriors have this, some deal with it differently than others but you will find your way, of this I am sure.”

 

Clarke stared at her for a moment, hearing her words, hoping she was right. She looked away, to the river and let it calm her.

 

“I will find breakfast if you will light the fire once more,” Ontari offered straightening up behind Clarke.

 

“Yes,” Clarke croaked out. Waiting until the warrior had sprinted off into the forest before rising to her feet and stooping low by the river. Cupping her hands in the clear, cold water and drinking deeply. The water soothing to her dry throat, clearing the remnants of the nightmare from her mind.

 

She glanced behind her and she knew she should get up to collect wood for the fire before Ontari returned but the idea of it felt strange, strangely domestic. She shook her head, ridding herself of the thought and set to work, returning to the burnt out pit as Ontari did. This time with a hawk in her hand and berries in the pouch at her hip.

 

“Have you ever plucked a bird Clarke?” She asked taking a seat as Clarke arranged the wood. The brunette grabbing handfuls of feathers and pulling them free.

 

“Can't say I have.”

 

“Then here, you do this and I will start the fire.” She held the bird out by its talons with a grin and Clarke accepted it, gathering a fist full of feathers under Ontari's watchful gaze. The two falling into silence as they worked alongside each other. Breakfast devoured and the bones that Ontari would not keep buried in the soft earth along the river.

 

It wasn't until midday that Clarke snuffed the dying fire and began to walk north. Ontari remaining in her position before the dead fire, not moving to follow her but she knew the woman would eventually. She knew she'd keep to her promise from the day before but it wasn't until the sun began to set and the earth began to rise that Ontari made herself known. Dropping to the ground at Clarke's right with a fish in her gloved hand, river water dripping off to her boots.

 

Clarke studied her a for moment but waved her off, ignoring the defeated frown she was given as she walked off. The land ascending and building into a mountain range before her, one she hadn't seen before but Ontari seemed to know it. As night fell the brunette caught up to her once more, halting her with a hand on her shoulder.

 

“These mountains are not safe at night, great cat like creatures roam the forest floor here.” And as if on cue a loud snarl seemed to explode all around and the brush jumped as if something were inside it. Ontari tossed the fish and tugged on Clarke, leading her away but not before a large black creature leaped into the moonlight. The silver rippling along its back muscles as it circled them and Clarke shivered. Not in the cold night air, not from the cold water that seeped through her clothes from Ontari's gloves but from the golden piercing eyes of the cat. Its fangs long and curved as it growled in anticipation. Its talons digging in the earth underfoot before it suddenly made a mad dash for the two women, quick as a lightning strike but Ontari was quicker.

 

The brunette shoving Clarke away as she drew her blades, taking up a stance similar to one that Clarke had once seen on her dad's movies on the Ark. A boxing stance, her feet light as the creature focused entirely on her. Circling and waiting as its pink tongue licked its scarred, black nose.

 

Clarke drew her sword as the creature circled between the two of them, her boot snapping a twig underfoot as she took a step back and the animal whirling on her. Focus broken as it suddenly charged her, Ontari's shout ringing through the air as Clarke rolled beneath the cat's body that landed nearly silent in the dirt. Turning for a second attempt at her but she slashed out, sword's edge catching its snout. Not nearly enough to kill it, but enough to scare it, pushing it backward. Giving Clarke a chance to scramble to her feet as it shook its head.

 

Warm droplets of its blood landing on Clarke's exposed hands that burned before she managed to wipe it away on the dirt beneath her. Swiping her sword across the dirt as well, her blue eyes focusing on the already burned away metal, smoke rising. “Its blood-”

 

“It burns like fire,” Ontari finished for her as the creature made a move to attack again. Aiming for her rather than Clarke, learning quickly that Clarke was the one to avoid but the animal's decision proving to be a fatal mistake as Ontari used her blades to slash at its throat. Blood coating the blades that she quickly dropped, the iron burning, sizzling and melting away as the creature fell dead to the earth. “I told you it wasn't safe.”

 

“I'll believe you next time,” Clarke muttered kneeling and inspecting the now ruined blades in the moonlight. “Completely ate the iron.”

 

“You owe me new daggers,” the brunette smirked.

 

“We'll see.”

 

“Now, come, let us climb one of these trees for the night. The creatures cannot climb as we can, they fear the fall more than they desire the meal.” Ontari drew from her belt three pronged blades similar to Clarke's. “This one perhaps?” She gestured towards the tree closest to Clarke, the branches high but numerous, marks already scarring its trunk before Ontari began her ascent.

 

“The tallest one?”

 

“Of course, Clarke of the sky people, you are used to the sky, much less the ground. This should not bother you, now climb before another finds us.”

 

Clarke stabbed her own blades into the tree, climbing up behind Ontari. “How do you climb the trees as well as any trikru yet you are azgeda?”

 

“The commander taught me.” Clarke froze, staring up at the mud caked boots above her. “She taught me many things, surely she taught you something in your time together.”

 

“No, we.. we had a war to fight. There was little time for teaching.” She felt the twinge of jealously and anger that began, pushing it down and away. She had no reason to be jealous of what had happened between Ontari and the commander.

 

“There is always time to learn Clarke, war should not hinder you, nothing should.” Ontari stuck her blades into her belt as she held onto a branch. Climbing higher and onto thicker, closer together branches as Clarke approached her. Catching her small smile in the snatches of moonlight that flickered through the leaves. “Now, let us rest, I assume you would like to cross the mountain before the sun's descent tomorrow.”

 

“Yes.. I would.”

 

“And if I may, you are passing the exiled lands by many lengths. So where are you going exactly?”

 

“Somewhere that isn't here,” Clarke settled onto a branch next to Ontari.

 

“There is no clan further north than the azgeda.”

 

“Good, perhaps once I leave them all behind that I will leave you behind too.” Clarke closed her eyes, fighting the smile that threatened her as Ontari scoffed. The wind blowing through the trees luring her to sleep.

 

_The mountain rose before her once more but she was outside this time. Standing in front of Lexa once more, the commander alive and breathing. Painted in blood from her curls to her muddy boots. The news of betrayal heavy on her tongue but a smile on her lips as a gunshot rang out. The bullet narrowly missing Clarke but piercing Lexa's chest where her heart should have been yet she remained upright._

 

“ _How.. you should be dead, your heart.. you-” Clarke stammered out to Lexa but the woman merely laughed._

 

“ _I have no heart Clarke, you should know that.” Her laughter escaping her once more, echoing all around Clarke as it began to rain blood and bodies. The blood burning through her clothes and skin, the lifeless face of a child dropping before her as she collapsed to the blood forest floor._

 

“ _I'm so sorry,” she murmured to the face, reaching out but something stopping her. Her body being shook roughly and her name being called as she closed her eyes,_ _willing it all away._

 

She opened her eyes once more. Finding the forest around her blood free but a warm hand resting against her head, tangled in her braids as the warm body beneath her sighed in relief.

 

She shifted, feeling a buckle dig into her shoulder but the arm across her back tightening. “You can let me go.”

 

“I can't, you were fighting something inside of you and almost fell. I can't let that happen,” Ontari held onto her. Her legs tightening around Clarke's, “the commander would never forgive me if something were to happen to you.”

 

“So she did send you,” Clarke ground her teeth in anger. “She sent you to watch me, follow me, protect me didn't she. She-”

 

“No, I chose to do it on my own.” Clarke froze, confused at the confession.

 

“Why, you don't know me, you know nothing about me.”

 

“You should rest Clarke, I will stay awake.” Ontari deflected, finality firm in her voice and Clarke sighed.

 

“I will get it out of you.”

 

“Over my dead body.”

 

“Then it would be pointless.”

 

“Exactly, now rest.” Clarke sighed, attempting to escape Ontari once more but the woman held on. “Just relax.”

 

“I don't need you to coddle me.”

 

“Coddle?”

 

“Treat me like a child, I can take care of myself.”

 

“That I am sure of but relax, you need a full nights rest, not one full of nightmares.”

 

“Why do you even care.”

 

“All life is precious Clarke, including yours.”

 

“I don't believe you.”

 

“Then don't, just sleep.”

 

“Fine,” Clarke muttered in defeat. Shifting to find a comfortable position against the hard Ontari. Listening to her heart beat through the black loose shirt she wore, the fabric soft against her cheek as she felt herself begin to doze. The world fading around her except for the consistent beating of that heart.

 

And for the first time in a long time, she dreamed of nothing. No blood, no bodies, no Lexa, nothing and as she woke to the sun filtering in through the trees, she felt a smile tug at her lips. She felt Ontari shift beneath her and sigh as Clarke looked up, the brunette still asleep but as Clarke moved. Trying to remove herself from Ontari without falling off the branch she woke. Eyes wide as she instinctively grasped Clarke's jacket.

 

“Let me go Ontari, I- we, need to get out of this tree.” She really just needed to be out the woman's grasp, the unfamiliar warmth of being held by another person unsettling but she also really needed to pee. She could bet on Ontari being a little mad if that were to happen on her.

 

“Right, yes,” Ontari cleared her throat drawing her legs up as Clarke removed herself from between them. Maneuvering herself to a separate branch and beginning the climb down. “Do you intend to continue across the mountain today?”

 

“I don't know yet, let me wake up fully first.” Clarke grumbled sliding against the bark, grateful for the gloves she'd pulled on before beginning her descent. She landed on the forest floor easily but not at all gracefully, stumbling as she stepped back but sprinting into the brush. Not caring if Ontari watched her as she relieved herself. Relief flooding through her but her hunger making itself known as she straightened up.

 

She returned to the tree as Ontari did, the brunette buckling the belt around her waist as she stared down at the slain beast. “We should skin it.”

 

“What? Why?” Clarke knelt picking up the hilt of the completely destroyed dagger. No trace of blood or iron left aside from the leather beneath her fingers. “You want to cut into it, spill more of its blood and ruin another knife?”

 

“The blood loses its fire after death. It will not harm any blade but its pelt is often used in ceremonies because of its softness and color.” Ontari explained drawing a knife from her boot once more, cutting into the skin and Clarke had to admit that its fur was beautiful. A deep, rich black color with hints of silver as she ran her hands over it.

 

“How long will this take?”

 

“Not long if you assist me, do you know how to skin an animal as large as this?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then you will learn and you will take the pelt to wherever you choose to go.”

 

“I thought it was important?”

 

“It is, but so are you.” Ontari shifted away from her, continuing to skin the animal and instructing Clarke as she worked. Ignoring her shocked gaze as she suddenly reached out, grabbing Clarke's hand and guiding her more thoroughly until releasing her.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to update Friday but.. I got distracted by Star Wars, I apologize.

Clarke remained stark still until Ontari looked over at her. Gesturing with her bloody hands to work instead of ponder her words and she did, she worked her knife beneath the skin as Ontari had shown her. The two working until the sun shown directly above them, Clarke scooting backward as Ontari completely pulled the skin back and away. Leaving the carcass behind.

 

“Good, if you intend to cross the range then you should go now. The higher you climb, the less chance you will have of running across another of these.”

 

“Where will you go?”

 

“I will back track to a village we passed on the journey here and leave the pelt with them.” She dug into the pouch at her hip, pulling free dried meat. “Take this for the time being and safe travels, Clarke of the sky people.”

 

“What about the carcass?”

 

“What about it? We will leave it for other creatures like it.”

 

“Then you break your promise?”

 

“No, I will find you.” Ontari lifted the pelt on her shoulders, staring down at Clarke before turning away. Into the forest the way they'd come through previously but Clarke waited until she was gone before rising herself.

 

The climb higher onto the mountain range proved more and more difficult as she went. The earth beneath her boots loosening and she slid more than walked. Grabbing onto solid rocks to keep herself from falling and hauling herself up until she finally managed solid earth that did not slide. The terrain around her barren of color as she'd broken through the treeline some time ago.

 

She let out a sigh as she dropped herself into the dirt, dust covering her pants and back as she lied back. The sun setting west of her, the last golden rays of light disappearing behind the curve of the mountain range as a rock suddenly hit her in the side. She scrambled up into a defensive position in the direction the rock came from, ducking behind a large rock. Listening for signs of movement when another rock rolled passed her hiding spot.

 

“It is useless to hide Clarke,” Ontari called out and Clarke rolled her eyes. She should have known it would be her.

 

“That was a short trip,” Clarke stepped out from behind the rock as Ontari walked towards her. “How did you get up here so fast?”

 

“The village, a path leads this way. They told me the path leads all the way to the opposite side of the mountain but stops in the ruins of the long since passed city.” Ontari slipped a bag off her shoulder, kneeling in the dirt before flipping it open. “They also say it is haunted by the ghosts of the last great war.”

 

“I doubt that,” Clarke sat cross legged in front of Ontari. Watching the brunette as she dug through the bag before suddenly pulled out a loaf of still warm bread wrapped in soft white linen.

 

“A gift from the villagers,” Ontari split it in half, handing Clarke her piece. “I might have let it slip that I was traveling with the _wanheda_.” She smiled despite Clarke's frown.

 

“I hate that title.”

 

“Yet it will follow you til your death and further still.” She bit into her bread, ignoring Clarke's glare. “Eat before it gets cold, the baker worked very hard.”

 

“Of course, in fear of disappointing the _wanheda_.” Clarke grumbled before biting into the bread, fighting the urge to groan at its warmth.

 

“Many do not fear you, many are grateful, mothers sing songs of your victory to their children if they fear the night. If they cannot rest because something shook them, you are not evil to them. Only you consider yourself evil Clarke.”

 

“I murdered innocent in that mountain, I let them all die then abandoned my people just as the commander abandoned me on that mountain.” Clarke turned her back to Ontari, finishing her meal in silence as the sky grew dark above them. She was relieved when Ontari pushed no further for a conversation. Instead letting her lie in the dirt and close her eyes, trying to pull sleep to her before the dreams began.

 

She laid for what felt like hours until Ontari finally broke the silence. “I cannot help but to think, wonder even, if you understood the commander's decision at all. She did the same as you would have done, chosen to save your people.”

 

“We could have figured out something else instead, we could have..” she blinked back the tears that formed. “There had to have been something different that we could have done but instead she made a deal with that bastard. She betrayed me and left me on that mountain, only telling me she chose with her head rather her heart so don't you dare defend her Ontari.”

 

“Did you not do the same after it fell? Did you not abandon your people as well?”

 

“I couldn't..” she sighed in defeat, the truth tumbling out of her. “I couldn't face them, the walk back to Camp Jaha was enough to tell me that. I couldn't stand to face them for the rest of my life with that constant reminder of what I'd done in order to save them.”

 

“Fight with the sword you are forged.” Clarke listened to her but she felt confused by the saying. It wasn't the way she had once heard it, it wasn't the way that her dad had said it. _Play with the hand you are dealt_ , is what he once told her. The grounders must just have a different version of the saying. “You think too loudly Clarke, you should be resting, I will stay awake and watch.” Ontari murmured.

 

“You are the one who spoke, disturbing me.”

 

“And now I tell you to rest, so rest.”

 

Clarke fell silent, turning her head to the cloudless sky. The breath catching in her throat at the clear view she had of the stars, bright and beautiful. A view she hadn't had since she last looked through her small window on the Ark. It felt like it had been years ago, many years and not just almost two. She felt entranced and unable to sleep as she picked out the constellations above her but her focus was broken by Ontari shifting.

 

She risked a glance at the brunette and found her looking up at the sky as well. Her fingers playing in the dirt next to her, movements resembling that of drawing but Clarke looked away. Closing her eyes and willing herself to sleep.

 

_She opened her eyes but only to find pitch black darkness as she jolted upright. Thrusting her arms out around herself, hoping to find something, anything but the darkness began to feel suffocating. Drawing the air from her lungs and she coughed, then again, her throat tightening as she began to see popping spots of light across her vision._

 

_The darkness was choking her, killing her and she struggled to find something to grab to stop it until her hands suddenly came into contact with a strong body. A muddy, bloody face coming into view, eyes dark and narrowed in determination. Hair clinging to their head by mud as their hands tightened around Clarke's throat._

 

“ _I died because of you! Because of your people and now I will return the favor!” That voice came as a rush of cold air across her face as the person's lips twisted into a victorious smile. The whites of their eyes fading to a complete black, “die sky girl! Die!”_

 

_Clarke balled her hand into a fist and struck out at her attacker, her fist coming into contact with a strong jaw, dislodging the hands from around her throat. The air rushing back into her lungs painfully but Clarke flipped the person to the ground beneath them. Wrapping her own hands around their throat and squeezing. A rush of adrenaline coursing through her veins as the person began to die beneath her. The choke gasped as they were completely cut off but the person's face beginning to fade._

 

Ontari taking their place, lying beneath her, clawing at the hands around her throat. Struggling to breath and Clarke released her, jumping back from her. “Ontari- oh god, I'm so sorry!”

 

Clarke clenched her hands, holding them to her chest as Ontari gasped for air. Tears flowing down her cheeks and trembling as she listened to Ontari breathe deeply. Coughing and pushing herself away from her, her hand smoothing over her throat as she stared wide eyed at Clarke in the rising sun.

 

“I'm so sorry, I'm sorry, I thought- I saw-” she sobbed. Hiding her face in her hands as she drew her knees to her chest. They remained apart, Ontari listening as Clarke cried until the brunette rose.

 

“Clarke,” she wheezed out her name as if it pained her but crawled closer. Resting a hand on Clarke's knee, “Clarke.”

 

“Don't! I don't want to hurt you again,” Clarke cried out, jerking away from Ontari. “I can't, I can't hurt anyone else, so just don't. Leave, go away, run away!” She shouted as she jumped up but Ontari caught her, pulling back towards her.

 

“I'm okay Clarke, I'm fine, you didn't hurt me.” She wrapped her arms around Clarke's body, pressing her back into her chest. “It was my fault, you were struggling, I didn't think you could breathe so I touched you. I made the mistake, not you.”

 

“I hurt you, just let me go Ontari, please, I don't want to hurt you. You don't deserve it.” Clarke struggled but Ontari remained firm, whispering to her. Feeling the blonde's racing heart but beginning to slow as she spoke softly to her. Not releasing her until the blonde stopped trying to escape her, feeling her sink back into her embrace.

 

“Are you okay?” She asked after awhile.

 

“I don't know, I don't think I will ever be okay.” Clarke murmured, defeated as she sighed. “I can't be around anyone if I'm just going to hurt them, I can't trust myself around people.”

 

“The nightmares.. did they strengthen the further south you came?” Clarke pondered Ontari's question and yes, they had grown. They had grown as she came closer to their source and maybe, just maybe being on the side of this mountain built the one that hurt Ontari. Just maybe, but she wasn't sure.

 

“I..” she knew she may as well let Ontari in. She was already so deep now, “yes. They did and I think.. maybe being on this mountain isn't good for me. Triggered an old memory from before the inside of that mountain.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

She couldn't. She couldn't tell Ontari who it was that was trying to kill her in her dream. She couldn't let that go, Ontari was too close to the commander for that. “It was just someone I once knew.”

 

“I see, we should go then. Get off this mountain, get to the other side.”

 

“Yes,” Clarke stepped away from Ontari as she released her, turning to face her but catching a glimpse of the darkening bruises around her throat where Clarke's hands had once been. “Ontari..”

 

“No, I'm okay, I'm a warrior, I can take it.” Ontari struck off down the path up to the mountain but Clarke remained a moment. Thinking, wondering if she could run away and not get caught by the warrior. She did not want to risk hurting her again but as she took a step back to run, Ontari turned to her. The gaze in her eye saying what she didn't, telling her that if she ran that Ontari would find her.

 

“I'm coming..” Clarke trudged up the path, falling into step just behind Ontari. Stepping over sharp stones and around shallow pits as they ascended. Following the path as it curved into a shallow valley, near dead trees sprouting every so often as the sun shown over them.

 

“In the north,” Ontari began, looking up at the sky as a cloud covered the sun. “Did you dream in the north?”

 

“Very little,” and it was the truth. She'd dreamed little in the north. The mountain did not haunt her so far north, those faces did not penetrate her dreams as they did now. Dreams of red seas and rivers did not flow as they did now but maybe that was just because she was fighting for her life in those pits. “They were still there, but less so, maybe I was too focused on surviving the ice pits to acknowledge them but before I made it there. I dreamed of it often, Alta would have to kick me awake. I had them often once I returned to the exile village and there Alta would wake me with a pitcher of water.” She frowned at the memory of Alta dumping ice cold water over her head. Nadira later on telling her that she'd be writhing and yelling in her sleep.

 

“I imagine she would not be so nurturing.”

 

“She wasn't but it made me into the warrior I needed to be to survive those pits before and for that I am grateful.” Ontari hummed in agreement as a cry pierced the air and they both snapped their heads up to the sky. The cry coming a second time as a hawk flew above them, suddenly making a dive for Ontari but the woman smiled. Holding out her arm as the bird landed on the leather of the gloves.

 

“You have found me old friend,” Ontari grinned as the hawk squawked at her.

 

Clarke kept her distance from the woman and her bird, clearing her throat to pull her attention. “Yours?”

 

“Yes, his name is Suoh.” Odd name.

 

“So having hawks for pets run in the family?”

 

“My family were always masters at training birds for message carrying and even war.” She ran her fingers over the two toned browned and white feathers on his head. His light brown eyes watchful as Ontari turned to face Clarke. “I have had him since I was old enough to attend my first battle, tradition for fresh blooded warriors of my family.” He flapped his wings as if in agreement with her. “I left him with the commander.”

 

“Then why is he here?”

 

“She may have not been able to control him or..” she paused, inspecting his leg and slip of paper tied to it by a leather string. “Or someone has sent a message.” She pulled the message free, “go to her.” She gestured to Clarke.

 

Clarke tensed as the hawk left Ontari's wrist and landed on Clarke's shoulder. Memories of the ice queen's hawk flooding back to her but this bird did not cry out at her or even glare. Just sat on her shoulder awaiting his master as she read the note he'd carried. “The commander demands that I return as she rides for Polis soon.”

 

“Shouldn't you return to her then?”

 

“No, she has other guards, I was just someone extra.” Ontari muttered pocketing the note and Clarke felt that twinge of jealousy alongside anger once more. She swallowed it back, knowing she had no reason to feel neither of the two emotions. She and the commander were nothing. “He seems taken with you.”

 

“He is certainly much more well behaved than that demon your mother carries.”

 

“Her hawk.. scares even me.” Ontari began to walk once more and Clarke moved to follow. Feeling the bird on her shoulder tighten his talons into the leather of her jacket but it didn't hurt. Her mind was dwelling on Ontari too much to even notice if it were painful.

 

She was directly disobeying the commander in order to follow Clarke around. Either this woman was insane or she believed the commander just wouldn't care.

 

“The city grows in the distance,” Ontari called out as the path began to descend gradually and Clarke hurried to catch up. Wanting to see the city for herself and the bird on her shoulder didn't seem to mind the movement. “See?” Ontari pointed to the crumbling but still standing buildings in the distance.

 

“I do, but how did it survive? Other cities are just..”

 

“Few cities survived after the end of the last great war, this is one of them.”

 

“But your people inhabited them, they took over what remained. Why not this one?”

 

“I can't answer that, only our historians can.” Ontari began to walk again, following the path downward but Clarke waited a moment before following. Blinking as a flicker of light caught her attention but gone as quickly as it had appeared.

 

“Ontari?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“I think I saw something, a light.. in the city.” Clarke caught up to Ontari falling into step alongside her.

 

“Maybe I shouldn't have told you what the villagers believed then.”

 

“It can't be possible, no one should be out here right?”

 

“Right, it would be difficult to survive,” she pointed to the dust underfoot and the sun baked earth all around them. “It doesn't seem to rain much here.”

 

“There was a city that thrived in the middle of a desert once before the war, if they could survive then maybe someone here could.”

 

“Perhaps,” Ontari stopped suddenly, holding out her arm to stop Clarke in her tracks as she suddenly knelt. Sweeping her hand across the dirt as a sliver of metal caught Clarke's eye, she knelt alongside Ontari and helped her sweep the dirt aside. A word on the sign coming into view, most of the letters long since faded but 'Arle' standing out. “Maybe it was once the cities name? Or even this mountains?”

 

“Maybe,” Clarke agreed standing as Ontari did. “Let's just keep going.”

 

“Right,” they struck out once more along the path. The city growing as they descended the mountain. The sun above them as they reached the bottom, the hawk on Clarke's shoulder flapping its wings suddenly and taking off. “He will return eventually.” Ontari assured her as they halted at the stone bridge leading over a long since dried riverbed.

 

“This place feels..”

 

“Off,” Ontari finished for her but she entered the city anyway. Walking between the crumbling buildings, Clarke sighed and followed her. Maybe this woman truly was insane. “We should find somewhere for the night, I assume you're tired.”

 

“You'd assume right.” Ontari laughed softly as she turned off the road, into a building with a still standing room. Pieces of wood lying across its broken, stone floor, the roof itself metal and caving in at odd places but otherwise intact.

 

“I'll do the fire if you try to find food.” Ontari knelt as she collected the wood lying across the floor, not even giving Clarke any other choice but to head deeper into the abandoned city. She stepped back out onto the street, glancing the way they'd entered the city then the opposite. The buildings rising slightly taller than the rest, a few nothing but metal frames keeping them upright as she walked between them.

 

Not bothering to unsheathe her sword or pull her bow off of her back but her hand hovered over the knife at her hip. The eerie silence of the city unnerving until the sound of something falling to her left had her scrambling to hide behind a crumbling wall. She waited until her heart began to slow, her breathing calming as she stepped out. Following the thin side road and only finding a section of wall fresh fallen in the dry, dead grass that had once tried to survive here.

 

She sighed, “just an old abandoned city.” She told herself aloud and continued down the side road that opened back up into a large road. A hunk of metal sitting in the very center that Clarke could assume to have once been a car. She peered inside as she passed it, finding more dry grass and the skeleton of an animal. Maybe once this city had life, but not now. Now nothing crawled from the ruins or scurried across the road. Nothing but dead silence lived here now.

 

Maybe she should just return to the grounder cities and villages. Settle in one of the clans if they would allow her. Live out the rest of her life as nothing more than a legend that still breathed, she could lie to Ontari. Tell her she had no desire to harm the commander nor anyone else for that matter.

 

If it even was a lie.

 

She still couldn't decide, lay blame on the commander for something that she herself had done or forgive her. If she had to admit it, then she would say that she'd never given it much thought. The commander was the very last thing she would ever choose to think about unless someone brought her up. Something that Ontari seemed to do every so often and maybe it was just a ploy to figure Clarke out. Maybe it was just coincidence.

 

Clarke rubbed at her neck with a groan as she continued down the road. Checking the side roads for something, anything until a light caught her attention once more. This time further ahead of her and everything within her told her to avoid but it shown again, a little brighter this time. She remained stock still but a sound behind her pulled her attention. The sound of footsteps echoing along broken walls, slow at first but speeding up until a figure stepped out from an alleyway not far from her.

 

Her right hand instantly tightened around the hilt of her knife, her left enclosing around the hilt of her sword. The figure stood a moment, peering at her between the folds of the cloth wrapped around their head. Remaining silent as a body dropped just behind Clarke, strong arms encircling her. One around her neck, the other at her middle. She let out a breath, driving her elbow into their side as the person before her charged, joining the fight but she avoided the short knife that they attacked her with.

 

Drawing her own knife, pulling herself away from between the two people. The one who attacked her from behind regaining their footing and lunging to grab her again but she dodged, kicking in their knee. Slashing their throat but she turned away from the spray of blood as her second attacker let out a sorrowful cry. She ignored the sound, ignored the feeling that plunged straight into her heart like a shock of electricity. Knocking the second off their feet but pressing her knee into their chest, holding her bloody knife at their throat.

 

“Who are you!” She shouted but the person shook their head. “Answer me or die!” She pressed the knife harder against them. “Answer. Me.” She hissed.

 

“Maine,” they spoke, their voice pained. “Maine”

 

“Maine, why did you attack me.”

 

“My brother.. you killed him, you killed Raze. We- we weren't going to hurt you. They just told us to take you to safety!”

 

“You had a knife.”

 

“To scare you!” Maine cried out and Clarke pulled back, her heart pounding in her chest but not turning to look at the one she'd slain. Not watching as Maine rose, pulling the cloth away and revealing a woman's face. Her dark hair falling into her unmarked face but tears staining her dark tanned cheeks as she gripped at her brother's clothes. “Hes dead.. you killed him!”

 

“I-”

 

“You monster! How could the elder want you! A murderer!” She yelled turning to face Clarke, her hands painted red in her brother's blood. “Murderer!” She cried out once more, turning away and bending low over her brother. Murmuring to him in a language Clarke didn't recognize as she slowly rose to her feet.

 

“Clarke!” She spun at her name, finding Ontari running towards her. Her eyes widening as she came closer to the bloody scene. “Clarke, what.. what happened?”

 

“I- I was attacked.. I killed him but-”

 

“This Clarke.” Maine looked up, meeting Ontari's eyes. “Is a murderer, a murderer!” She pointed wildly at Clarke.

 

“Clarke, we should go. There is no telling how many more of these people there are.” Ontari grabbed her by the bicep, pulling on her but she stopped. Her brown eyes staring past Clarke but her grip remaining firm.

 

“You should stay.” A gruff voice spoke as Clarke turned her head, the man who spoke stood tall. Dressed in light clothing but his face uncovered, his gold hazel eyes calm. His hair short and gray, face clean shaven. “You are Clarke I presume.”

 

“Yes.. I am, who are you.”

 

“I am Pine, elder of the exiles.” He looked down, taking in Maine and her dead brother. “An unfortunate event, I should have known not to send those two for you.”

 

“You said exiles.. but there is only one exile village and it is far from here.”

 

“You were told wrong, we are the second but I do not know you, you don't appear like an exile. You appear as one of the clans.”

 

“I'm just like you, an exile.” Clarke told him, knowing that Ontari was most definitely staring holes into the back of her skull.

 

“And the one with you, she is an exile as well from our sister village?”

 

“She-”

 

“Yes, I am an exile as well and I go by the name Rio.” Ontari lied, cutting off Clarke.

 

“I see.” Pine studied them, his hands slipping behind his back before he nodded. “Come with me, you are welcome to stay with us to regain your strength if you wish.”

 

“Yes, we will.” Ontari answered for Clarke, releasing her grip on her and following Pine as the older man turned away.

 

Clarke wondered what exactly was going through Ontari's mind, the brunette seemed to be in control of the situation as Clarke followed her. Leaving Maine and her dead brother behind but her words still echoing in her mind.

 

_Monster._

 

_Murderer._

 

She shook her head as she followed Ontari down the narrow alleyway. The brunette glancing backwards at her a moment as if making sure she was still there but remaining silent. Following Pine as he wandered the network of passages through the old city. As if he wanted to confuse them, to keep them in his village but the thought was pushed away as sounds caught Clarke's attention.

 

The sound of voices rising in volume as an entire village suddenly appeared, the crumbling walls of the old city falling away. Replaced by wood repaired buildings, rising higher than the tallest building that had once stood in Ton DC. Multicolored cloth covered rooftops that swayed in the dusted wind as the villagers stopped their daily routines to stare. Some nodding to Pine as he passed, leading to way to a large building. The least repaired of them all, the original stone still standing as he parted the cloth doorway.

 

“We welcome you, outsiders, to Arle.” The sound of his boots against the stone floor echoed off the walls, sunlight filtering in through the multicolored glass. Painting the room beautifully as they walked between rows of repaired wooden seats. Another person at the end of the room stood, his black hair cut short and his nearly black eyes piercing as he watched them approach. “Rin, these are the two who crossed the boundaries today, Clarke and Rio.”

 

Rin kept his gaze on Clarke as he approached with a pronounced limp, one hand gripping tightly at the gnarled staff in his hand but his wariness of them never faded. “Clarke..”

 

“Rin,” she held his gaze as he studied her.

 

“You are a warrior,” he stated and Clarke nodded. “Where are you from.”

 

“Another exile village.”

 

“Who trained you.”

 

“Does that really matter.”

 

“It does,” he spat harshly. “Your style is different than any other exile, you have the military style. So who trained you.”

 

“How do you..”

 

“Rin is a seer, he sees what we cannot.” Pine explained suddenly, “he saw your arrival long before you stepped foot on our mountain.”

 

“Impossible,” Clarke murmured. “That's impossible, if he could then he would have no problem telling himself who trained me.”

 

“It is not impossible, I am living proof of that.” Rin defended himself, his hand balling into a fist. “I saw you the minute you landed on our earth. I saw your people battle the river monster. I saw your friend die by the hand of a little girl, I saw the trikru general die because of your people. I have seen your past and I see your future.” He stopped, as if holding something back.

 

“So you say.” Clarke muttered.

 

“What he says is the truth Clarke, but come. I will show you and Rio to a place to stay for your time here.” Pine gestured towards a side door, leading them back onto the street and away from Rin's glares. Through another alleyway and into a quieter side of the village, cloth covered doorways fluttering in the breeze until he came to a halt. Holding the cloth over the door away, giving Ontari a small smile as she entered first, then Clarke.

 

The building was small on the outside but appeared larger inside, chairs and a table not far from a cold pit. Two separate doorways covered by more cloth and a set of stairs leading up to what Clarke could assume to be a second floor.

 

“I hope you don't mind sharing, there are two separate rooms to sleep in of course but-”

 

“Its fine, we don't mind.” Ontari nodded approvingly. “Thank you for your kind gesture sir.”

 

“All exiles are family, I just ask that you keep the peace with the others.” He settled his gaze on Clarke, studying her silently as if he knew exactly who she was but settled to not admit it.

 

“That will be simple enough.”

 

“Good, someone will come by later and bring you food. Water for drinking and bathing is drawn from numerous wells throughout the village. Ask anyone for help to find them if you require, most of us speak english as we are exiled warriors.” He explained turning his gaze back to Ontari and taking a step back. “You may find me in the church if you require further from me.”

 

Ontari nodded, waiting for Pine to leave before turning to Clarke. “Seems nice enough.”

 

“To you maybe, but there is something about them.. something I can't quite figure out.” Clarke muttered pulling back the cloth over one of the rooms. Finding a small bed, similar to what she used to have on the Ark. “That Rin is hiding something and even Pine. He didn't seem to care that I killed one of his own or even cared about what Rin said.”

 

“You noticed it too.”

 

“Of course I did, I'm not stupid.. Rio.” She shook her head at Ontari's shrug, pulling off her weapons and dropping them on the table. “Do you really think they'd know you as the ice queen's daughter.”

 

“Its possible, I don't know who isn't an azgeda exile and who is. I have to be careful or find myself imprisoned just on being hers.”

 

Clarke hummed in thought a moment, dropping herself into one of the chairs at the table. “Why didn't you return to your mother. You did go to the north, you saw me, you watched me but went back to the commander, why?”

 

Ontari took a breath before answering. “When I was captured.. I was riding south with rebels. They were sick of listening to my mother's promises to take the mountain down so I joined their cause. But then I was captured by the mountain men and I expected my mother to rise an army to come for me then after months of being in that place.. I began to lose hope but then it did fall. It came down because of what you and the commander did.”

 

“Yet you still went back to the north, why. Why did you go back after your mother abandoned you to die.”

 

“I didn't go back to find her, I came back to see what had become of the rebellion but she crushed it. Sent those who survived the initial slaughter to Otta where I saw you. I saw you fighting for your survival against my rebels but I don't hate you for it. I know you did what you had to do to survive, just as any other would have done.” She paused as if trying to gauge Clarke's reaction before continuing. “After that I returned to the commander and I pledged her my loyalty.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When you accidentally start shipping Clarke and Ontari..
> 
> Due to the comments on the last chapter, I realized that Ontari was looking a little suspicious but now she just feels like the 100's version of Princess Leia in a way. Which I'm totally cool with and maybe that's just because I've got Star Wars on the brain right now. Maybe I'm just super weird, but give Ontari a chance! She is just a smol ice cube in a world of trees! She has reason!
> 
> But still much love to all of you :D


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fair warning for mentions of torture.

Clarke studied Ontari, a part of her not wanting to believe her but at the same time wanting to. The woman had yet to give her a reason not to believe her. “Your rebellion.. Alta fought in your mother's army against them didn't she. She took her and then sent me to the pits.”

 

“I would believe so, Alta was a great warrior before she was exiled and my mother wasn't stupid, she had an opportunity to have her fight in her army so she took it.”

 

Clarke nodded in understanding. “You lived with the trikru, learned their ways and became one of the commander's guards.” She changed the subject, not wanting to think about her mentor and Nia.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then why did you follow me, why did you abandon your post just to follow me all the way out here?” She asked, noting the way the brunette swallowed thickly. Taking a moment to look away from Clarke then returning to her. “Tell me.”

 

“You have asked me before and I will not answer you once again.”

 

“And why not? Is it something terrible? Did she actually send you to kill me? Did she-”

 

“No! She-” Ontari sighed, rubbing at her bruised neck and took a seat in a chair opposite Clarke. Leaning over the table. “She didn't send me to do anything, I came on my own. I told you before.”

 

“But that doesn't explain anything Ontari, why are you here.” She asked again.

 

“I..”

 

“Just tell me.”

 

“Fine.” Ontari licked her lips, sitting back in her seat, hands folded in her lap but not meeting Clarke's gaze. “I followed you to protect you but not because she ordered me to. I followed you because I knew she loved you and I didn't want to allow the commander to go through another loss of a loved one.”

 

“What? Do you mean..” Clarke paused before speaking the name aloud. “Costia.”

 

“Yes.. I knew her when she was captured by my mother. I saw the men bring her into the castle, I saw the way she bled and stumbled on broken bones. She... she was so weak but so defiant. Fighting them as they hauled her away into the dungeons.” She paused as if deep in thought before continuing. “I went to her many times during guard rotations. I spoke with her but she hated me at first, ignored me, sat in the back of her cell wrapped around herself for warmth.”

 

“They tortured her more didn't they? After what those first men did to her. They tortured her before killing her?”

 

“Yes, my mother.. she.. liked to watch as they hit her. Tried to force information from her, broke her mind, spirit and body.” She shifted uncomfortably, looking up and meeting Clarke's gaze. Sadness evident in her brown eyes before she blinked rapidly as if trying to hide the tears that welled. “I remember one night, I went to her with the keys to her cell. I was going to open it and try to make her comfortable but she snapped at me. Told me to keep her locked inside because she feared if she felt something other than her agony that she would break and betray her.”

 

“Does the commander know this?”

 

“Yes, I told her everything, I wanted her to know that Costia didn't let them break her. That she died in those cells without my mother knowing anything, that the day she died was the day she spat blood in her face in defiance.”

 

“No wonder the commander loved her.” Clarke murmured, sitting up straighter in her seat.

 

“I have always wanted to know what she was like before my mother captured her. I wanted to know if she was a warrior, strong like the commander or warm like a healer but I dared not ask.” Ontari let out a sigh. “Maybe that is why she loves you so, because somehow you remind her of Costia. Perhaps that is why she believed you dead so easily the moment Indra and I told her you were.”

 

“What? You and Indra agreed together to do that?”

 

“Yes, the commander would have started a war to rescue you from those pits and that couldn't happen. She was already walking a thin line with the other clan leaders of the coalition.”

 

“I see.”

 

“We came to the agreement that commander shouldn't know of you, so we worked together to keep her in the dark. It gave the commander time to smooth things over with the clan leaders.”

 

“But there has to be more reason behind you following me.”

 

Ontari let out a sigh, “she.. she got a hold of your skaikru alcohol.”

 

“Oh no.”

 

“Oh yes, your people's alcohol loosened her tongue enough for those commander walls of her to fall. I almost wish I hadn't been there to witness it.”

 

“What did she say.”

 

“That night, when the commander was at her lowest point and I mean.. lowest. She was a mass of nothing, she wasn't like when I first met her. This time there was no fire, no light in her but that night. She told me everything, head over heart she said and it took a little while but then she started talking about you. How she thought that the sun itself had fallen from the sky, how you were a beacon of light in a otherwise dark world. Your eyes, that smile you rarely gave, and oh gods your hair, she went on and on about your hair.”

 

“Quite poetic she seems to be when shes drinking.”

 

“You have no idea but.. I knew she loved you, your strength and your mind, her love spilled over. Her regrets..” she paused, shaking her head. “It made me want to find you and return you to her but I didn't. I stopped myself but I couldn't any longer when I saw you in the trees. Which by the way, you should learn to wear a hood or something because you can't really hide when the sun is shining.”

 

“Noted, go on.”

 

“I waited until nightfall to follow you, after the commander retired for the night. After she'd returned from speaking with you in the forest. I tracked you until you slowed at the river and I knew I couldn't just greet you kindly. I knew you'd been fighting in the pits and would be strong so that's what I chose to do. I chose to question your intentions after listening to the commander's fears that you would come back and try to kill her because it was very real that that's what you could try to do. I still have a duty to protect the commander.”

 

“So everything since, has just been you trying to protect me for the commander, she didn't ask you to do it. You did it for her without anything.”

 

“Yes, she is my _heda_ but now.. I think I can call you my friend.” Ontari tugged at a loose thread on her shirt. Indicting she was finished but Clarke pondered her words. Were they friends? Could they consider themselves to be at that point? Ontari, the daughter of Nia to be her friend. The same woman who ruined her weapons for her safety, the same woman who kept her from falling out of a tree.

 

“I don't want to be friends because you felt obligated to follow me by the commander's love for me.”

 

“No, that's not why, I learned from our short time together that you were everything the commander said you were. You are strong, mind and body strong, you are a _heda_ within your own right as well.”

 

“I-” She paused as a voice called out on the street outside. Ontari rising first and stepping out, a moment later returning with a girl just before her. The girl giving Clarke a bright smile that met her green eyes but missing a few teeth, her light brunette hair braided down her back.

 

“Hello.” Clarke smiled back at her, the earlier conversation lost for the moment “and what is your name.”

 

“Lan,” she held out the basket in her arms. Speaking rapidly in a language that Clarke did not understand, Ontari behind the girl not seeming to understand either.

 

“Woah Lan, we.. we don't understand you.” Clarke raised her hands in defeat, frowning as Lan did. The girl seemed to understand English but unable to speak it herself. She nodded sadly, gesturing for them to take the basket she offered but Ontari reaching first. Taking it from her before the girl managed to scurry off from the house.

 

“She is learning,” Ontari muttered setting the basket on the table. Uncovering it and looking through its contents. “But there is food, not sure how they manage to grow it though.”

 

“Must be somewhere around here they can, otherwise they would not have survived the time that they have.” She took the fruit that Ontari held out to her, rolling it between her hands but she had no idea what it even was. It reminded her almost of an apple, similar in shape, peculiarly shaped but firm in her hand. She'd seen pictures of them during her time on the Ark.

 

“Eat it, you won't die from it.”

 

“What is it exactly.” Clarke asked, watching Ontari pull her knife from her boot and cut into the fruit in her hand. The inside juicy and a shade of off white.

 

“Its food, just eat it.” She held out her knife, “here, slice it up.”

 

“I know its food you smart ass but.. it doesn't look like what I assume that it is.” She cut into her own fruit, slicing it up before handing Ontari back her knife. Taking a bite of the slice and falling into the explosion of flavor, a soft groan escaping her.

 

“Holy-”

 

“That good huh?”

 

“They didn't have that in the north or even when I was at Camp Jaha.” She took another bite, ignoring Ontari's hint of a smile as she chewed on her own.

 

“You've yet to be in Polis, you think that is good.. wait until you've tried food there.” Ontari stood, finishing off what she'd sliced. “Thought I'd go for a walk through the village, want to go?”

 

“No, I think I'll stay here.” Ontari nodded and left the house, her footsteps almost immediately fading. Clarke was grateful for the time alone, without Ontari hovering over her she felt like she could finally breathe but at the same time the memory of killing that man came surging back to her.

 

The second he'd dropped behind her was the very same second that her pit fighting mind claimed power over rational thinking. She'd fallen into a life or death situation, taking the life of someone who hadn't originally intended to harm her. She buried her head in her hands, rubbing at her eyes with her palms. Maine's words coming back to her and stinging her in the worst way possible.

 

_Murderer._

 

_Monster._

 

She shook her head, rising from her seat but began to climb the stairs instead of heading into one of the bedrooms. The second floor of the building was open, no roof remained except for low walls. The majority of them probably taken away to repair another part of the village but shafts of wood stood upright, cloth acting as a makeshift roof like she'd seen a top other buildings.

 

She looked out over the village, taking care not to linger too long on the roofs of other buildings. As far as she could tell the village only took up a small portion of the city. The people seemingly only taking what they needed but she still saw no river in sight. Nothing even giving away that could even be one, she hummed to herself in thought. Underground rivers would make sense in this land, hidden from the sun.

 

“Clarke,” she turned at her name. Finding Ontari standing at the mouth of the stairwell, a wooden bucket in one hand. “Found a well just down the street.”

 

“You should still boil it,” Clarke looked away from her. Her attention drawn to the sun setting in the distance.

 

“I've already started to downstairs but I thought you'd like to take a bath, I know I sure would.” Clarke didn't turn as Ontari headed back down the stairs but the brunette's voice carrying as she called out. Clarke wanted to ignore her and stay on the roof, she wanted to pull the notebook from her pocket. The scene before her felt picture perfect but she suspected that each day in this village was like that.

 

She let out a sigh but headed down the stairs, landing just as Ontari left the second room with the empty bucket in her hand. Her smile reassuring as she left the house once more but evidence of the brunette's inability to not make messes on the floor. A trail of water leading from the now hot pit to the other room.

 

Ontari returned a moment later, depositing the now empty bucket near the fire. The heat inside the building rising quickly, sweat building on Clarke's skin as she shrugged out of her jacket. Rolling the sleeves of her shirt up to her shoulders as she sat down at the table. Watching Ontari fill what she suspected to be a bathtub in the second room.

 

Buckets later the brunette stopped, studying Clarke a moment. “You first.”

 

“What? You did all the work, so you go first.” Clarke muttered, resting her head on her arms.

 

“You need it more than me.”

 

“Are you saying I smell?”

 

“No, I'm saying that a hot bath is relaxing and you need to relax.” She deflected.

 

“You're saying I stink, just admit it.” Clarke peered up at her, daring her to say it but the brunette shook her head.

 

“Just go before it cools.” Ontari crossed the room, grabbing Clarke by her arm and despite her struggles. The ice warrior pushed her into the room, leaving the curtain open but leaving her alone after pointing to the bathtub that seemed to be a relic from before the great war. A dull white in color but smooth to the touch as Clarke gripped the edge. Dipping her fingers into the clear water, the heat that wafted up relaxing on her face. She could only imagine how good it would be once she got in.

 

Clarke stripped, for once not feeling Ontari's gaze on her skin as she pulled off her gray shirt. Tossing it to the stone floor, then off came her boots and pants. Her discarded clothes ending up in a pile on the floor alongside her still surviving bra as she slipped into the heat of the water. Letting it seep into her tired muscles, days worth of dirt and grime slipping away but the sound of Ontari's boots against the stone behind her pulled her out of it.

 

“What are you doing Ontari.” She muttered, crossing her arms over her chest.

 

“Just relax Clarke,” the brunette dragged a chair into the room. Positioning herself behind Clarke and her hands immediately tangling themselves in blonde braids. Unraveling them slowly and gently, pulling the feathers from her braids, her actions soothing as Clarke leaned back against the back of the tub. “I used to do this for the commander.”

 

“She let you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“So you were more than her guard..” Clarke felt the uncomfortable pull of jealously once more. “Did you sleep with her too?” She asked.

 

“We slept in the same bed yes.”

 

“I meant.. did you have sex with her.” Ontari's fingers stilled in her hair before continuing after a heartbeat.

 

“Yes, she is my _heda._ I always did what she desired of me, whether it be cleaning her weapons or soothing her aches. It was my duty and I did what was asked of me.”

 

“And now you're here doing it for me except I didn't ask.”

 

“Would you like me to leave?” She asked, pulling away and Clarke instantly missed her touch. “I will do whatever you ask of me.”

 

“I'm not your _heda_ Ontari, I'm just..” They were friends, plain and simple. There was no way around that. “Your friend, we are friends.”

 

“Would you like me to leave?” She asked again, her fingers resting on the tub just inches from Clarke's damp skin. She didn't want Ontari to leave, she wanted her to stay and the realization confused her.

 

“No, stay.” Clarke felt those hands return to the remaining braids, the brunette remaining silent. The room itself silent aside from the sounds of their breathing, in sync and calm for the moment. “Do you love her?”

 

The question felt wrong of her to ask. It wasn't her business if Ontari felt love for the commander or not. It wasn't like Clarke and the commander had been anything before, they hadn't shared anything except for a single kiss. The commander and Ontari both were free to do as they wished.

 

“No, I-”

 

“You don't have to repeat yourself.”

 

“Why do you ask? Would you choose not to harm her if I had said yes?”

 

“I don't even know if I want to hurt her at all.” She responded as Ontari ran her fingers through her hair. Her blonde locks braid free and dry until Ontari suddenly poured water over her hair. Washing away dust and surely blood from the earlier fight, her silence uncharacteristic for her but welcomed. “I just don't know.”

 

“I don't love her, I care as I am loyal to her just as I am to you. I would do anything you asked of me.”

 

“Anything?”

 

“Anything.” Ontari poured more water over Clarke's head, “can I.. can I braid your hair after this?” She asked quietly.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Can I spar with you tomorrow?”

 

“If you wish to.”

 

“Can I-”

 

“You're enjoying this aren't you.”

 

“You are in a 'yes' type mood, so yes I am enjoying this.” Ontari rose from her seat but knelt beside the tub. Keeping her eyes on Clarke, “you are relaxed for the moment. I can see that you are.”

 

“Obviously,” Clarke set her arms on the edge of the tub. All her cares in the world floating away, not even finding it in herself to mind when Ontari's eyes seemed to leave hers before returning swiftly. “Are you going to sit there until I decide to get out?”

 

“I- no! I'll go.” She rose quickly and Clarke let out a soft laugh at the woman's rush to escape. Leaving Clarke to revel in the warmth of the water a moment longer but she returned, dropping a towel near the tub then leaving a set of clothes. “I found them in the bottom of the basket, under the food earlier.” She explained when she caught Clarke watching her.

 

“Thank you.” Ontari nodded and left the room again, pulling the cloth across the doorway but Clarke rose from the tub. Grabbing the towel and drying herself off before pulling on the exile clothing. Similar to what she'd seen Pine wearing earlier but the pants she found were a little too long for her. She left the room, finding Ontari pulling off her boots and dirt pouring out.

 

“Must you do that in the middle of the room?”

 

“I'll clean it up tomorrow,” Ontari grumbled shaking her boot. “I don't even know how I managed to get so much in there!”

 

“This is a dusty place.”

 

“Yes, it is.” She rose from her seat, padding barefoot into the room with the tub. The sound of water leaving the ancient bathtub through its drain quietly and Clarke instantly felt bad. Knowing she left the water a murky mess and that Ontari would have to refill the tub if she wanted her own bath.

 

“Ontari?” She called out and she came back a moment later. “Let me fill it this time.”

 

“But-”

 

“No, just let me okay.” Ontari nodded and sat down at the table. Her eyes tracking Clarke as she moved back and forth between the two rooms with buckets of hot water. Clarke found her arms aching by the time she finished, letting out a sigh as Ontari rose from her seat. A moment later the sound of clothes hitting the floor but Clarke did not dare enter the room as Ontari had done so boldly with her. Giving the brunette her privacy as she retired to the other room, lying down on the bed despite her still damp hair. Sleep taking over mere moments later.

 

_She blinked slowly, confused as to why she woke up in the middle of a dirt street. The wind whipping around her before settling, dust covering her pants and skin but blood pooling at her feet. The body of an exile lying covered but as the wind blew once more, the cloth covering the body swept away. The man she'd killed lying before her and a scream piercing the air before the scene changed._

 

_A forest again, the wind in the trees but the sound of bones clicking together hauntingly that hung from the branches above her. Maine rising from the brush with her short knife, her lips twisted into a scowl as she suddenly charged for Clarke. Her knife slashing through the air, meeting Clarke's exposed skin. Her blood dripping as pain erupted throughout her body. Maine continuously slashing her._

 

“ _Monster!” She panted, “murderer!” She screamed suddenly, stabbing her knife into Clarke's heart. “DIE!” Clarke screamed as the woman faded, leaving her to die on her own in the middle of a forest._

 

“Clarke! Clarke wake up!” Someone shouted above her, the voice close and familiar as Clarke jerked back before opening her eyes. Meeting Ontari's gaze, the ice warrior reaching out slowly as if asking for permission to touch her. “Clarke? Are you with me?”

 

Clarke nodded curtly, shivering as Ontari rested her hands on her shoulders. Those hands ghosting along her skin to her head, cupping her gently. “Do you.. do you want to tell me?” She asked.

 

“I..” she mentally checked herself but felt relief that it was just a dream. Just a little death dream. “She came back for me, she tried to kill me.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Maine. I killed her brother, I killed him. Another innocent person is dead because of me.” She felt weak as she let it out, weakness as Ontari nodded in understanding. Weakness as the brunette sat on the bed, pulling her in calmly. Her fingers in her hair soothing but Ontari's racing heartbeat caught her attention the most. The sound thumping against her ear as she felt herself relax but still weakness lied just beneath the surface.

 

“Talk to me Clarke.” _Tell me everything_ , were the words left unspoken. She let out a breath in consideration, wondering if she could trust the ice warrior enough to tell her. The idea of it felt right in her clouded mind, Ontari had already trusted her enough to speak about her time with the commander.

 

“She told me I was a monster.. murderer.. she was right. I am those things, I killed an innocent person, I've killed even more innocent and I am those things.”

 

“They attacked you, you defended yourself and for that.. you are no monster.”

 

“I murdered a mountain full of people just to save my own.” Clarke added, feeling Ontari shrug. “Innocent men, women and children died at my and Bellamy's hand.” Ontari stiffened at the confession.

 

“Bellamy? He is one of your skaikru?”

 

“Yes.. he was there with me. We both pulled that lever.”

 

“Perhaps he dreams as you do then.” Ontari offered.

 

“No, he is stronger than I ever could be.”

 

“I don't believe that, you survived my mother and her ice pits. He did not, you are stronger.” But Clarke knew she was wrong, the difference between emotional strength and physical strength took the shape of a great ravine. She had survived Otta, won her freedom but at what cost to her already shattered mind. A mind that tortured her as she slept and even still as she sat awake. Memories that flooded her at a single, simple reminder that followed her every step.

 

“You should get some sleep,” Clarke pulled away. The soothing sound of Ontari's heartbeat gone and the dream flooding back to her. _It was just a dream_ , she told herself.

 

“I can stay if you need me to Clarke, I don't mind.”

 

“No, I'll be okay.” She pushed at Ontari, pushing her away and the woman stood with a nod. Crossing the room to the other bed and Clarke laid back down against the fabric covering her mattress. Ontari's residual warmth fading as she laid there for what felt like hours. Not feeling the need to rise until she was sure Ontari was sound asleep across the room.

 

She left her room quietly, finding her dirty clothes on the floor beside her doorway as she knelt. Pulling out her notebook, relieved to find her pencil still inside but she stopped before ascending the stairs to the roof. Instead peeking back inside their shared room, the brunette still passed out with an arm dangling off the edge of her bed. Undressed with only shorts and a loose tan shirt covering her.

 

The girl had absolutely no reason to be dealing with Clarke's issues. The girl had an entire life ahead of her, she was still young but she'd still probably seen a fair amount of blood in her life. After all she had once sat in a cage inside the mountain, she'd probably been there when Clarke found Anya in that cage. She could have been one of the ones to reach out to her but just didn't recognize her. She probably had her own darkness but yet she focused on Clarke's.

 

It felt strange to be cared for in such a way after so long.

 

Clarke shook her head and left the room, heading up the stairs. Not minding the feel of the cold stone against her bare feet as she threw one leg over the edge of the wall. Managing to find a comfortable enough seat as she opened her notebook but looking out across the village bathed in moonlight. It was a beautiful sight and it sparked a surge of need in her fingers as she looked down. Sketching the village, falling into its calming embrace. The sound of her pencil against the paper mixing in with the sounds of the wind and nature around her.

 

The village on the page grew as she chose to ignore the sound of a grunt as Ontari sat on the stone beneath her. Her warm body pressing against Clarke's leg, keeping her in place. The brunette's fingers curling around her ankle as she fell asleep once more. After a few more minutes, Clarke rested the pencil in the book. Feeling satisfied with her drawing as she looked down at Ontari, her face half hidden in the shadow of the cloth above them.

 

Clarke's fingers itched to sketch her, to capture the curve of her nose and cheeks. To follow the sharp edge of her jawline as it met her neck, her shoulders hidden by her dreads. It only took a moment for Clarke to flip the page and draw the ice warrior.

 

“Are you drawing me?” The brunette murmured sleepily, resting her head against Clarke's thigh. The moonlight filling the brown eye that wasn't hidden by shadows.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay,” she blinked slowly as Clarke stopped drawing her. The picture only half finished, only half of Ontari's face and dread covered shoulder on the page. “There never were many artists in the north.”

 

“Why is that?”

 

“Mother outlawed it, said it was a waste of time. That a warrior's time was better spent training and learning to fight.” She sighed heavily, her eyes drooping closed. “We don't have many tattoos, and those who do have them don't look as well as the other clans. They aren't like the trikru in any way at all, they have the most beautiful I think. The most intricate yet simple.”

 

“Do you have any tattoos?”

 

“No.”

 

“Have you ever wanted one?”

 

“Azgeda are not skilled at the art.”

 

“You said the trikru were, so get one from them.” Ontari nodded against her thigh.

 

“Draw me one, Clarke of the sky people. Draw me one and I will have it painted onto my skin for all to see then I will truly be free of my mother's grasp.”

 

“I am not trikru.”

 

“Oh well,” Ontari shrugged, her breath warm and seeping through the fabric of Clarke's pants. “Are you done?”

 

“You didn't have to come up here you know.”

 

“I heard you, you woke me up when you left so I followed you.”

 

“I didn't mean to.”

 

“I am easy to wake,” Ontari rose to her feet. Holding out her hand to Clarke but she hesitated before accepting the hand. Allowing herself to be pulled from the rooftop and back to their room. “You need to rest.”

 

“I will try.”

 

“You will not try, you will rest.” Ontari grumbled lying against the wall on Clarke's bed, pulling her down with her. “Sleep, you are safe.”

 

“So you say.”

 

“What I say goes right now, so sleep.” Ontari ordered and Clarke knew if she were well and truly aware of what she was doing right now. She wouldn't have done it, she would have merely suggested it but Clarke didn't mind. She didn't mind it as she laid down next to her, the brunette's arm thrown over her waist as Clarke pulled the blanket up and over them. “Sleep, you are safe.” Ontari murmured.

 

“For now.” Clarke replied but Ontari was already fast asleep. Her own words stuck out to her, they stuck out because Ontari couldn't keep her safe in her dreams. She could merely pull her from them, she couldn't help her fight the demons that rose inside of Clarke's mind. No one but Clarke could and the thought stuck as she fell asleep.

 

As she slept her dreams returned but they felt blurred. As if they were no longer important, flashes of faces filtered through and metal walls with the sound of a machine hum followed her. The dream fading as sunlight fell in a shaft onto the floor of her room. Her hand immediately sought out Ontari but the woman wasn't there. The place Clarke remembered her falling asleep in was cold and empty but the sound of a foreign word reaching her ears. The sound sharp and hissed out as if the speaker were in pain.

 

Clarke rose quickly, leaving the room and finding Ontari standing beside the table. A knife in one hand and fruit in the other but her finger bleeding. “I woke you didn't I?”

 

“No, what happened.”

 

“Just a little cut, I'll be fine.” She set the food and knife down as Clarke approached her. Grabbing her hand as blood dripped off the open wound. “Clarke-”

 

“Shut up,” she growled searching for a rag and frowning at the ice warrior as she pulled a clean rag from her pocket. She snatched it and wrapped it around Ontari's finger, applying pressure despite Ontari trying to pull away. “Stop moving or it won't ever stop bleeding.”

 

“It hurts.”

 

“Of course it hurts, you cut yourself.” She met the brunette's defiant gaze. “I thought you were a big bad ice nation warrior.”

 

“I am but that hurts.”

 

“Surely you've felt worse.”

 

“This is different than bleeding from a sword wound Clarke!” Ontari defended in an almost whine but Clarke rolled her eyes.

 

“This isn't as near as life threatening.”

 

“I hope not.”

 

“Quit being so damn dramatic.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay on this chapter, I sat on it for a good long while because I felt like there was something to change but after staring at it all morning today I decided maybe there was nothing and I'm just insane. Also, I swear there will be clexa. It is tagged and therefore it will come to be.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of this chapter and fic (and because I don't know how old she'd be in the show), I went with Ontari being at least 18. Don't hate me guys!

Clarke rolled her eyes at Ontari as she tugged at her bandaged finger. She'd ignored the warrior's earlier insisting that she didn't need it but eventually accepted her fate. Letting Clarke bandage it, accepting her words about fighting to keep her finger from becoming infected and falling off. At least that was how Clarke had managed to convince her would happen.

 

Ontari seemed so young in moments like that and at times it confused Clarke. She knew she couldn't be that young, she'd fought in battles already. She'd fought in a rebellion, been captured by the mountain men and become one of the commander's guards.

 

Clarke glanced over as Ontari pulled at the bandage once more before she reached out. Swatting her hand away from herself. “Leave it alone,” she ordered.

 

“It bothers me.”

 

“Don't play with knives then.”

 

“I wasn't playing with it, I was cutting up something to eat. I just happened to keep my knife extra sharp.” She raised her hand once more to tug but Clarke grabbed her hand, holding it firmly with a glare at the ice warrior.

 

“Leave it alone.”

 

“And if I don't?”

 

“Then no sparring.” Clarke dropped her hand at Ontari's defeated sigh. “How old are you anyway?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“How old are you, how long have you been alive? I've been alive for nearly 20 years, so I am 19 years old.” She didn't know if that was true or not, she'd lost count. Her time in Otta had felt like years instead of months.

 

“Does it matter?”

 

“Yes because some days you act like a child, a child as small as Lan but you're not, so how old are you.” They stepped out onto the street but it wasn't until they were at the end nearest the village center that Ontari finally let out a sigh.

 

“I think I am at least 18, I'm not sure. Some count their years in winters or summers, or by yearly festivals but the azgeda don't have things like that. It is always winter in the north and never summer. I hadn't felt such warmth outside until the time I spent with the trikru.” She looked down at her boots in thought and Clarke nodded, feeling relieved that the girl wasn't as young as she'd first assumed.

 

“You are still a child at heart.”

 

“I am a warrior!” Ontari glared, holding her frown even as Clarke let out a soft laugh but her eyes softened at the sound suddenly. It was a sound she hadn't ever heard escape Clarke, it was new and different. “I have fought in wars and killed many people.”

 

“I'm sure you have,” Clarke turned her attention away from the young woman. Letting herself absorb the village center before her, the children running through the dusty streets. Kicking up small clouds of dust in their wake as adults peddled their wares. Many of the stalls filled with food but one in particular different than the rest, the woman's wares couldn't have come from the city itself. “On- Rio.

 

“Yes?”

 

“You'd say that this village is hidden wouldn't you?”

 

“Yes, I hadn't heard of it and neither did Nia as far as I am aware.” Ontari pulled away, walking down the rows of stalls and Clarke followed her slowly. Keeping her gaze on the woman and her odd stall but she tore her gaze away at Ontari's voice. “Perhaps the vendor was born here,” she offered following her gaze.

 

“Then she'd be an exile, exiles don't leave their villages.”

 

“They can if they want to, they are not bound here forever.”

 

“So she leaves here and goes somewhere else only to return with things to sell. Nothing more?”

 

“It is possible,” Ontari paused in her walking, turning back to Clarke with an amused grin. “Why don't you go and ask her if it bothers you so.”

 

“No, I thought we were going to spar today.” Clarke pressed, hoping to pull Ontari's mind from Clarke's sudden infatuation with the strange vendor. “I'll even let you take off the bandage if you manage to win.”

 

The ice warrior narrowed her eyes as if trying to figure out Clarke's angle but she shrugged suddenly. “I know what you are doing but I will allow it.”

 

“Allow? You know nothing.”

 

“Clarke of the sky people, it is fruitless to deny.” Ontari struck off down the street once more, leaving Clarke to roll her eyes before following. Allowing the warrior to lead her to a part of the village she'd yet to see but her eyes widened as they rounded a corner.

 

A sparring ring appearing between two massive crumbling buildings, a small crowd already surrounding the area as two men inside the ring fought shirtless and weaponless. The pit fighter in Clarke perked up at the sound of a fist coming into contact with a jaw, the man being struck grunting aloud as he fell. The victor standing over him with his hands in the air in victory.

 

“I found it while I was out the day before.” Ontari murmured quietly with a glance at Clarke. “We will spar Clarke, I wish to see what that exile and the pits taught you.”

 

“You wish to lose.” Clarke kept her tone light and playful but fear bubbled just beyond the surface. She feared that if she fell too much into the mindset of the days long past that she would hurt Ontari. That she could potentially kill her because she would be unable to pull herself back in time.

 

“We will see,” Ontari crossed to the sparring ring. A small smile playing at her lips as she pulled off her shirt. Draping it over a wooden post in the earth as she entered the circle, motioning for Clarke to follow her.

 

Clarke let out a sigh, tugging off her own borrowed shirt, leaving herself in a patched tank top and stepping into the ring as Ontari grabbed a set of dull daggers from weapons table on the opposite side of the pit. The ice warrior grabbing a dull sword for Clarke as the blonde approached, handing it over to her. The crowd beginning a low chant in a language neither understood.

 

“May the best warrior win, Clarke of the sky people.” Ontari offered as they parted to opposite sides of the pit. The brunette falling into a stance like she'd fought the cat in, her fingers flexing around the handles of the daggers. Her boots light in the dirt as she relaxed.

 

Clarke swallowed thickly, tightening her grip on the worn leather hilt of the sword. It felt unfamiliar yet familiar still in her hand. Memories of the pit washing over her as she looked Ontari over. A scar running over the expanse of her chest, dipping beneath the dark leather chest binding but ending just before her toned stomach. She shivered but not from the sight of the warrior, but because of the sudden chill that seemed to settle over her.

 

The feeling was quickly forgotten as Ontari took a step towards her, a smile playing at her lips as Clarke fell into a defensive position. Her sword before her as Ontari slashed at her, the attack blocked and the sound of metal against metal loud in Clarke's ears. She shivered once more, her muscles tensing but still managing to block Ontari's attack.

 

One dagger making a move for Clarke's center but blocked, the second taking advantage of the open space left by the block. Clarke knew it would come and she managed to dodge it, twisting her body away. Taking advantage of Ontari's dagger still caught against the edge of Clarke's sword, Clarke's boot firmly planted on the ice warrior's stomach. Pushing her backward with a grunt but Ontari remained on her feet, her boots kicking up dust as she moved with the blow.

 

Clarke took the open opportunity of the brunette's movement to dislodge their weapons but slash at her. Bringing the dull blade diagonal across Ontari's chest but missing as the brunette moved back further, surprise evident on her features as Clarke continued to advance on her. Rushing herself into Ontari's range of attack before grabbing her left wrist, driving the butt of her sword into Ontari's face.

 

The rush Clarke felt as blood dripped down Ontari's face began to cloud her cautious mind. The pit fighter within her beginning to take over as Ontari managed to escape Clarke's grip. Her hand wiping the blood across her face before she lunged, slashing out wildly for Clarke. Taking the blonde by surprise at the sudden attack, pushing her backward as their blades met. The ringing sound of metal sounding through the sparring ring as the crowd cheered.

 

Ontari spun ducking beneath Clarke's sword as she swung it for her head, landing several quick jabs into her stomach but the blonde kept firm. Only grunting before slashing at Ontari again, bringing her sword straight down but the attacked blocked by daggers. Ontari pushed upward, standing and forcing a space for herself to headbutt Clarke. Forcing the blonde to stumble backwards as she blinked rapidly, trying to clear her vision of the sudden stars that exploded across her vision as Ontari kicked out her legs.

 

The ice warrior dropped instantly, straddling her waist and keeping Clarke's arms firmly to her sides with her knees. Bringing her dagger edge to rest at Clarke's throat. A victorious smile on her lips but Clarke frowned. “It is over Clarke of the sky people.”

 

“It is never over,” Clarke growled harshly. Pulling up her legs to wrap around Ontari's body, dislodging her firm hold. She struck out with her now free hand, balling it into a fist and striking her firmly in the nose once more, pushing her backward to the dirt. Clarke rising as Ontari fell, straddling her waist but Ontari deflected a killing blow with her daggers. The metal meeting but holding as they fell into a power struggle. The defiant gaze in Ontari's eyes beginning to crumble into fear as Clarke pressed down. Throwing her entire body weight into the force behind the sword. Ontari's own blades inching closer to her own throat as she let out a exasperated breath into Clarke's face.

 

The pit fighter in Clarke was trained to not let up in a fight until her opponent was dead but the human in Clarke begged otherwise. An internal struggle growing as the pit fighter kept its firm hold despite the fear in Ontari's eyes.

 

“Clarke!” Ontari hissed, her throat bobbing as she swallowed. Her eyes darting down towards the blades nearly touching her skin then back to Clarke's blood thirsty gaze. “Clarke stop!”

 

Ontari's plea fell on deaf ears, Clarke too far gone to hear her but she kept on. Repeating herself over and over.

 

_Stop_

 

_Stop_

 

_Stop_

 

The pit fighter in Clarke pressed on, the repeated words filling the air around her as Ontari began to struggle beneath her. Her attempts to escape failing as she began to shout. Hoping to break Clarke's concentration.

 

“Clarke, please stop! You're going to kill me!” She shouted into her face, a certain spark of hope lighting up within her as Clarke blinked. Breaking her firm stare, the look in her eye fading as Ontari weakened. “Stop, let me go, we're friends! You don't kill your friend in a friendly spar, please stop.” She begged.

 

_Stop_

 

_Stop_

 

_Stop_

 

The words rang in Clarke's ears, the pit fighter falling back as her rational mind took over once more. Pulling back suddenly, scrambling away from Ontari as the ice warrior drew in calming breaths. She looked frantically around herself, finding herself in nothing but a sparring ring. Still in the exile village as Ontari laid in the dirt before her. Her daggers lying on either side of her head but Clarke's sword still firmly gripped in her hand. She dropped it quickly and rose to her feet, stumbling backwards.

 

Determination to leave Ontari in the dirt coursing through her as she broke into a run. Pushing herself through the now quiet crowd. Her boots pounding against the earth as she ran through the village, pushing herself to escape its people. To keep them safe from her and her broken mind but as she rounded a corner sharply. Barreling into a woman, knocking them both to the dirt and Clarke recognized her as the vendor from earlier. She recognized dirty blonde braids tied back tightly down her back as her light hazel eyes met Clarke's blue in confusion.

 

“I'm sorry, I-” Clarke shook her head as the woman opened her mouth to reply, her words dying on her thin lips as Clarke jumped to her feet. Taking off once more, leaving the vendor to pick herself up off the dirt but Clarke didn't care. She couldn't care, the fearful pained look in Ontari's dark eyes took front and center as Clarke ran through the city.

 

The sound of her steps echoing off the walls around her, sweat dripping down her back before she finally came to a stop. Strands of hair sticking to her cheeks and back of her neck as she panted in the afternoon sun. She'd nearly killed Ontari because she couldn't control herself, the thought hit her hard as she fell to her knees. Staring up at the blinding sun, not turning as footsteps approached her from behind.

 

Silently hoping that whoever dared to approach her was there to kill her rather than anything else. She looked down as the person approached, her discarded shirt appearing in the corner of her vision as she looked up at Ontari. Already dressed but a wary smile on her lips as she studied Clarke.

 

“You shouldn't be here.. I almost killed you again.” Clarke muttered not accepting her shirt back, turning her head away as Ontari sat down in the dirt beside her. “Go away Ontari.”

 

“No, I'm staying.”

 

“Ontari-”

 

“I told you before, I can take it. I'm a warrior.” Ontari gripped Clarke's shirt in both hands. “I made a mistake asking you to spar with me.” She continued quietly.

 

“No, I did for agreeing to do it. I should have known that I would lose control like I did.. my days in the pits took over. I could have killed you.”

 

“But you didn't, you stopped.”

 

“It doesn't matter, I'm dangerous, even to you who I think of as my friend.” Clarke hid her face in her hands, listening as Ontari shifted closer. Laying her hands over Clarke's and pulling them away to meet the watery blue eyed gaze that threatened to plummet further into despair.

 

“We are still friends Clarke of the sky people, we will always be that. Nothing can destroy it, nothing.”

 

“Nothing except death.”

 

“Neither of us will die.”

 

“You don't know that, we could die at any given moment.” Clarke twisted her hands in Ontari's gripping her fingers firmly. A small part of her shocked to find her finger still bandaged. “I don't want to be the reason for your death.”

 

“You won't be.”

 

“I could be.”

 

“But you won't,” Ontari gave her a small smile. Squeezing Clarke's hands in return before letting go, pulling herself from Clarke's grip and holding out her shirt to her. “Let's go back to the village, get you a nice bath and then I'll braid your hair like I said I would. Your weak attempt at your own braid is more terrifying than you almost killing me.” She teased gently.

 

“Ontari..” she sighed shaking her head.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Nothing,” Clarke knew it would be lost on the ice warrior.

 

Ontari nodded as she stood, holding out of her hand to Clarke. Smiling as the blonde accepted her and stood, dust falling from the seat of her pants. Ignoring the offered shirt as they began to walk back towards the village in silence.

 

“Ontari?” She let the name slip as a thought came to her, wondering if the brunette would stay her friend after everything that had happened to her because of herself. But a different question was what prompted her.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Never mind.” Clarke could tell that Ontari was buzzing with a question moments later. She could feel it in the air around her and she suspected it had to do with what she'd wanted to ask Ontari. She'd wanted to ask the ice warrior to sleep in her bed again, to sleep next to her another night. She'd learned that her presence was comforting and seemed to keep the dreams away, she wondered if it would continue to do so.

 

“Clarke?” Ontari broke her thoughts.

 

“Yes?”

 

“What..” she paused, “what were you going to say?”

 

“Nothing.”

 

“It was something,” Ontari pressed. Stepping over a fallen rock in her path, glancing quickly at Clarke. “So what was it.”

 

“It was nothing.”

 

“Don't lie to me Clarke of the sky people.”

 

“I'm not Ontari of the ice nation.” Clarke rolled her eyes as Ontari groaned in defeat. “Let's just get back to the house in peace okay?”

 

“Fine,” Ontari grumbled as the sounds of the village grew in the distance but the duo bypassed the village center. Following alleyways until they found the house they were living in for the time being, the house warm and empty as they stepped through the doorway. Ontari immediately pulling away and kneeling to start a fire in the cold pit as Clarke sat at the table. She eyed the empty buckets near Ontari and stood.

 

“I'll get water,” she explained quietly and Ontari nodded. The brunette side stepping to allow Clarke room to grab a bucket but stopped her suddenly. “Ontari?”

 

“Put on a shirt before you go back outside.”

 

“I..” She looked down at herself, realizing she was still walking around in her tank top from the earlier sparring match. “Right, of course.”

 

Ontari gave her a small playful smile before Clarke left, following the path to the well. Grateful to find it void of villagers, the ever present thought that she was dangerous and a monster stayed at the forefront of her thoughts. She'd begun to fear for the people around her, mostly Ontari. It seemed the only time she ever put her hands on the ice warrior was to hurt her. While every time Ontari touched her it was to soothe her.

 

It further begged the question, how did Nia manage to produce someone like Ontari?

 

She pushed the thought away and focused on her task. Moving back and forth between the fire pit, the well and that tub. Trying not to watch as Ontari wet a rag in a bowl of water, wiping away the dried blood from the spar. Trying to ignore the way the bowl's water turned red, she hadn't realized just how hard she'd hit her. How much blood she'd managed to spill from her friend.

 

She paused as she dumped the last of the hot water into the tub, the same moment she heard Ontari drop the rag into the bowl. She met the brunette in the doorway, her bare feet dusted over as if she'd been walking around all day without her boots.

 

“You're done?” She asked quietly, studying Clarke.

 

“Yes,” she nodded stepping aside for her. Letting her into the room and leaving her alone. She dropped into a seat at the table tiredly, pulling her hair from the messy braid she'd managed just that morning. Ontari had been right, it was bad but to be fair it was easier to braid her own hair when she had a mirror. A luxury she hadn't had since her time on the Ark.

 

“Clarke,” Ontari suddenly called out softly but she remained in her seat. Not bothering to rise to her call, not even as Ontari called out a second time. Only when her voice carried a third time did Clarke rise, following the sound but stopping in the doorway. Taking in Ontari with her hair tied up high on her head, fingertips resting on the surface of the water.

 

“You called?”

 

“You were quiet, I thought for a moment you'd gone to sleep.” Ontari plunged her hands beneath the water.

 

“No, I'm awake.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Is that all?” Clarke asked, waiting patiently but Ontari didn't answer. Just continued to sit in the water quietly, staring ahead of herself. “Ontari?”

 

“Clarke.”

 

“You had to have had more reason to call me in here.”

 

“I did but..”

 

“But what?” Clarke pressed crossing the room to the chair that still sat behind the tub, she sat quietly. Letting her blue eyes rove over bare, damp shoulders and along kill scars that rose in near perfect lines along her skin. “Tell me.”

 

“I.. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to sleep alone tonight.” The words flowed out without a hint of anymore hesitation than it had begun with. The brunette shifting in the water, pulling her knees to her chest and glancing behind herself cautiously. This new side was strange to Clarke, the nervous feeling she received was off putting but she was glad to know she wasn't alone in the need to know.

 

“That is up to you.” The softness she heard in her own voice was new, something she hadn't heard in a long time but the woman before her nodded. She kept her dark eyes on her, as if waiting for her to leave. “I'll go.”

 

Ontari hummed in agreement as Clarke left the room, reclaiming her seat at the table but staring down at her hands. Her skin dusted over in a light layer of dirt despite having handled water earlier, she let out a sigh but looked up when Ontari appeared in the doorway before her. Already dressed in what she normally wore to sleep despite the sun not having set just yet. Clarke suspected that was only because she'd drawn her own water as she'd drawn Ontari's.

 

“Its empty but I'll fill it this time.” Was all she said before moving between the two rooms, filling that bathtub in near silence. The only sound filling the air was Ontari humming what seemed to be a song, one that Clarke didn't recognize but she chose to not ask. Assuming it was something personal to the ice warrior as she worked, her dark eyes only looking up to meet Clarke's when she finished. The brunette gesturing for her to go.

 

Clarke rose quietly, her boots already unlaced as she stepped into the room. Not bothering to give herself privacy as she stripped. Gritting her teeth as she pulled off the tank, a pain radiating from her stomach.

 

“I hurt you,” Ontari suddenly spoke from the doorway. Her arms crossed over her stomach, the look she gave apologetic before Clarke looked down. Finding her stomach lightly bruised but she shook her head.

 

“I have hurt you, so it is fair.”

 

“Not always,” Ontari murmured leaving the doorway. Disappearing into the other room once more and Clarke took the moment to strip off her pants and underwear, slipping beneath the water before Ontari had a chance to return. Dunking her head the same moment the brunette returned, taking the seat just behind Clarke. “I will miss warm baths once we leave this village.”

 

“Me too,” Clarke sighed feeling Ontari's fingers comb through her hair gently. “But I will not miss the dirt.”

 

“When do you intend to move on?”

 

“I don't know, soon I would imagine.” Clarke rubbed at her skin, washing away the dirt but wishing she had soap. Wishing she could feel truly clean. “Is your nose okay?”

 

“My nose? Yes, I have suffered worse but..” Ontari rested her arm over Clarke's shoulder, holding her finger out. The wound scabbed over but the bandage gone. “It got wet in my bath and fell off, I didn't do it. The water did it.” She defended herself.

 

“Water can do that, it needed to breathe anyway. You'll be fine.”

 

“I hope you are right.”

 

“Trust me, it'll be fine.” Ontari pulled her arm back, working her fingers through Clarke's hair before beginning to braid it suddenly. Separating locks of hair quietly but the song she'd been humming earlier returning. A minute later, words foreign to Clarke's ears escaping Ontari's lips but she couldn't find it in herself to hate the song. She didn't understand the meanings but it was beautiful all the same.

 

“Ontari?”

 

The brunette cut off her song suddenly, “yes? I'm sorry, does my singing bother you?”

 

“No, but I wanted to ask what it is.” Ontari didn't reply immediately, her hands still working through Clarke's hair. Pulling her hair into loose braids quietly, “you don't have to answer, its okay.”

 

“No, I will.. it is a song my mother used to sing to me. A lullaby, she always said it was from before the war. Passed down through out family, it can only be sung in the lost language or it loses some meaning but I can tell you what it means in general.”

 

“You don't have to if it is sacred to your family.”

 

“I don't mind.”

 

“If you're sure.”

 

“I am.. the song tells a story about a mother fighting to protect her children, it speaks about how far she will go to do so but in the end she nearly lost her life yet she promises that she would do it all over again if given the chance.”

 

“Mothers will do anything for their children.”

 

“Not all,” Ontari murmured her hands leaving Clarke's hair. “I'm done.”

 

“Thank you,” Clarke glanced over her shoulder as the brunette rose from her seat. Leaving the room and Clarke alone to finish her bath. The song not rising again as Clarke rose from the water, draining it and drying off. Pulling on a much too large shirt that hung nearly to her knees and her underwear, determined not to wear actual pants until she had to for the rest of the day and night.

 

She crossed into the other room but found it empty, she looked into the bedroom but found it empty as well. She hummed to herself a moment then climbed the stairs to the roof, finding Ontari leaning against a low wall. Just out of the sun's last rays with a bowl between her legs, a knife on one hand, fruit in another as she sliced quietly. Briefly glancing up and flashing Clarke a small smile.

 

“Thought we could eat out here while the sun is still shining.” She gestured for Clarke to join her, her smile never fading as Clarke sat down next to her. “And I will not cut myself this time.”

 

“I'd hope not, wouldn't want you to bleed on my dinner.”

 

“You have the azgeda promise.” Ontari offered as Clarke reached out. Taking what she wanted from the bowl and eating quietly. Focusing her attention on the shadows that grew on the buildings from the sun behind her.

 

The two not making a move to leave as the stars appeared in the sky, bright and clear. The bowl now empty except for the knife but Ontari suddenly reached over to her side, holding out Clarke's book. “I didn't look inside,” she explained.

 

“You could have, I wouldn't have minded.” She accepted it and flipped it open, the pictures dark in the absence of light. “We should head down, try to get some sleep at least.”

 

“Yes, we should.” Ontari rose first, holding the bowl in one hand but holding out the other to Clarke. The blonde accepting her help but being released the moment she was up. Ontari leading the way down into the dark of the house, Clarke entered the bedroom first however. Ontari following a heartbeat later but casting Clarke a glance as the blonde laid down on her bed alone.

 

“What have you decided?” Clarke asked, propping herself up in the shadows of the room. Keeping her gaze on Ontari's lithe form making a beeline for Clarke's bed, climbing over the blonde and pressing herself into the space between the wall and her.

 

“This is what I have decided.” Ontari murmured and Clarke nodded, laying herself down fully. Freezing when Ontari slipped a leg between her own, her arm circling Clarke's waist as if to keep her there. To keep her from escaping but it only served to cause a shiver down her spine at the contact. Further convincing her that Ontari only ever touched her to soothe her.

 

They fell into a silence but only Ontari seemed comfortable, her breathing slowing then quickening as Clarke shifted against her. Lying her own arm over Ontari's before settling once more. “Does this bother you?” Ontari asked quietly.

 

“No, its just strange.”

 

“How is it strange?”

 

“When I touch you.. I hurt you.” Clarke whispered, half hoping Ontari wouldn't hear her. “But then when you touch me.. it is only soothing, calming.”

 

“You do not always hurt me Clarke, you are calming as well.” Clarke turned her head, studying Ontari in the dark out of the corner of her eye.

 

“But-”

 

“But nothing.”

 

“Ontari-” Clarke began but Ontari moved, her hand finding Clarke's cheek as she rose up. Silencing her with a kiss but pulling away a moment later.

 

“I'm sorry, I-” Ontari dropped her hand but Clarke caught her. Spinning in her arms and kissing the ice warrior, reveling in the softness of her lips. The taste of their earlier dinner on her tongue as she deepened the kiss. Allowing herself to relax in the warmth of the feeling that grew, the heat spiraling towards her center before Ontari broke the kiss. Pulling back just out of Clarke's reach. “Are you sure? This can stop, I will stop if you say so.”

 

“I'm sure, I just.. I need to feel that I'm not only capable of hurting someone but that I can also make someone feel good.”

 

“You could do that that without us doing this but..”

 

“But what?”

 

“I want to.”

 

“Then shut up and kiss me.” Clarke grumbled but Ontari chuckled, pulling Clarke closer, pushing her leg between Clarke's again and angling her thigh higher. Kissing her firmly, parting her lips as Clarke did. Her tongue meeting Clarke's almost hesitantly but her thigh meeting Clarke's damp core.

 

The moan that escaped her captured by Ontari before she pulled back, kissing her jaw down to her throat. Leaving her mark on Clarke's otherwise unscathed neck as the blonde rocked against the firm thigh between her legs. Her hands tightening in the softness of Ontari's shirt, her moans and pants filling the room before Ontari captured her lips in another kiss. Pressing herself harder into Clarke, pulling her body closer. Her hands roving over the expanse of her back, over her shirt but she still felt the rise of scars.

 

The thought of how Clarke had received them left the moment Clarke broke the kiss. Moaning Ontari's name aloud as if she had no care in the world if anyone beyond that room heard it. The pull of her impending release commanded her too much for her to consider it. Her loud moan was followed by more panting, her grip getting impossibly tighter on Ontari's shirt. Her body suddenly freezing but the soaked material against Ontari's thigh told her what she needed to know.

 

“I..”

 

“Shut up and kiss me,” Ontari murmured. Pressing another kiss to Clarke's lips but the blonde pulled away, pushing Ontari onto her back and Clarke straddling her waist.

 

“Thank you but now, its your turn.” Clarke pulled her shirt off, keeping her eyes locked on Ontari's as she dropped her shirt beside the brunette's head. Her blonde braids dropping to meet her skin almost quietly before she leaned over Ontari. Kissing her before pulling the brunette's shirt off, tossing it to the foot of the bed. She tore her gaze away from Ontari's eyes, her fingers hesitantly following the raised scar where it ran diagonally between Ontari's breasts. Her breath audibly hitching at Clarke's touch.

 

“It must have hurt,” Clarke murmured leaning over and pressing a kiss to Ontari's neck.

 

“It did but you will make it feel better.”

 

“You seem to have a lot of confidence in me.”

 

“That I do,” Ontari groaned when Clarke nipped at her neck. Leaving a mark as her fingers glided over Ontari's already hard nipples. “Don't play with me Clarke.”

 

“Never,” she growled in response, rocking her soaked center against Ontari's toned stomach.

 

“Normally..” she gasped, cut off by Clarke suddenly sliding down her body. Her lips and tongue making a path down but stopping suddenly at the hem of her shorts.

 

“Normally what?” Clarke glanced up, eyes trailing over the expanse of Ontari's chest until coming to her shadowy face.

 

“I am the one on top.” Ontari let out a whine at Clarke's tongue against her skin as if to silence her. A word foreign to Clarke's ears slipping out.

 

“What did you just say?”

 

“Nothing, it was nothing.” She whimpered at the loss of Clarke's warm mouth, her hands stilling at her hips.

 

“Tell me.”

 

“It was nothing.”

 

“Ontari..” Clarke warned, her fingers dipping beneath the edge of her shorts but going no further. “Tell me or I'll stop and we'll just sleep.”

 

Clarke let her threat slip but she had no intention of stopping. The need to make Ontari feel as she had was too strong to allow that. She tired of doing nothing but harm her, it was time for something different. She stilled at Ontari's huff of defeat.

 

“Please, please don't stop.”

 

“One word meant all that?”

 

“Will you not question it right now and just touch me Clarke?!” Ontari whined loudly, propping herself up on her elbows. The brunette dropping back to the bed when Clarke obliged her request. Sucking lightly on the skin just above the hem of her shorts before pulling them off. Dropping them at the foot of the bed near her shirt, her arms suddenly beneath Ontari's legs as she settled between her thighs.

 

That word escaping Ontari again at Clarke's lips against her inner thighs, her lips twisting into a grin before her fingers met damp curls. “Are you sure you want this Ontari? I will stop any time you ask.”

 

“Please,” the English word followed by trigedasleng quickly then the word that Clarke understood perfectly as a third please added. The ice warrior murmuring the words quietly before cutting herself off with a whimper. Clarke's tongue dragging along the skin of her thigh until meeting the place her fingers had once found. Lapping slowly at her wet core, fueled by Ontari's moans to continue until finally her tongue pulled back.

 

“What are you-” Ontari began but silenced by two of Clarke's fingers suddenly sinking into her. Twisting slowly, meeting a spot inside of her that caused her to squirm. Her bottom lip between her teeth to stop herself from calling out but she failed when a warm, wet tongue met her clit. The moan that escaped her nearly tore her attention away from what she felt between her legs.

 

Her back arched in pleasure, one hand twisting her own nipples as the other found Clarke's head. Twisting in blonde hair to keep her in place, Clarke's fingers speeding up in response. Her tongue working against her clit but the blonde pulling back before Ontari found her release. She grunted in frustration as she came down, throbbing in need. Clarke's fingers no longer hitting that spot and her tongue pulled away from her clit.

 

The blonde was playing with her and she hated it, a part of her wanted to fight for her release. To pull on Clarke until she returned to the pace she'd dropped suddenly. The anger she felt bubbling within herself for the blonde was almost terrifying even to herself. The anger she felt normally kept for battle but let out a gasp when those fingers found their mark once more. Her body rising in heated pleasure before Clarke's tongue even met her again.

 

The sounds she made loud but not enough to cover Clarke's own sounds. Her tongue faltering but it wasn't enough to stop the release that fell over Ontari moments later. Clarke's fingers still thrusting but slowing, the high Ontari felt riding those fingers slipping away as Clarke's head rested against her damp thigh. Both women panting as Clarke pulled herself up to lie next to Ontari.

 

“Clarke.”

 

“Yea?”

 

“Are all sky girls like you?” Ontari slipped her hand down Clarke's side then back up her back but stopping at the edge of her scars. Her fingers stroking her skin before dropping to the top of her underwear, hesitating then pulling them down her legs.

 

“Sky girls are all out of this world.. quite literally, having fallen from the sky and all.” She replied, lifting her hips, not watching where Ontari managed to throw her underwear before the brunette's hand met her soaked center. “Ontari..” she groaned at her feather light touch.

 

“What.”

 

“What are you doing.”

 

“You, shut up and accept.”

 

“Gladly.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you happen to follow/read my other on-going fic, All We Have Is Time. Then you know that I am currently attempting to take a short break, this break will also effect this fic as it is giving me a chance to catch up while not feeling rushed. The extra length on this chapter wasn't planned but it is a damn good coincidence I'd say.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this just makes me want to do a separate fic with Clarke/Ontari.

Ontari's thumb smoothed over a small scar along Clarke's rib cage. Her chest pressed into Clarke's back, molding her body to fit hers gently. The brunette's strokes slowed as she began to fall asleep, her face buried in blonde braids but Clarke remained awake. Staring at the wall beside her despite not being able to make it out clearly in the darkness.

 

She focused on nothing in particular about that wall, her mind drawn to the things she felt. To the warmth she felt soak through her pores, seep deep into her bones until finally settling in her heart. Feeling connected to the earth instead of floating through a cloud of endless pain and death. She raised her hand in the darkness, just able to make out her fingers. Her skin tanned from the time she'd spent in the sun, on the earth.

 

She breathed in a slow, calming breath and clenched her fist. Squeezing her eyes shut but opening them once more a moment later. Staring at her hand and thinking of all the lives she'd taken until her hand was covered by another. The thoughts pushed away by Ontari, her hand darker in color and warm as she pushed Clarke's hand open to thread her fingers through hers.

 

“Are you okay?” She asked sleepily, squeezing her fingers gently. “What were you thinking about?”

 

“Death.”

 

“Why death.”

 

“Because commander of death.”

 

“Taking the mountain was no small feat.”

 

“Takes lives isn't either but it is all I do apparently.” Ontari snaked her arm under Clarke's head. Taking her free hand and pulling both hands down, resting them gently against her chest. “All I have done since I fell was hurt people, I took lives when I destroyed the bridge. I killed 300 warriors by fire then murdered a mountain full of people. Even more when I fought in the pits at Otta.”

 

“You did what you had to do to protect your people and survive.”

 

“I don't want to hurt anyone anymore.” The words left her and she felt like she was trying to avoid something she could not. It was inevitable, unavoidable, the world was a dangerous place. “But I seem to be unable to stop.”

 

“You do what you must for for your own survival and your people's survival.”

 

“I have no people anymore, I gave them up when I became an exile.”

 

“You'll never be able to give them up, ever.” She gave Clarke's fingers a gentle, reassuring squeeze. “They feel you just as you feel them, just as I feel you. Just as anyone who cares for you feels you. Mind, body and spirit.”

 

Clarke nodded slowly, waiting for Ontari to fall back asleep. Listening to her breathing slow until it evened out, her warm breath tickling the back of her neck and ear. Her warm body pressed against Clarke lulling her to sleep.

 

_Clarke blinked slowly, breathing in the cool air and listening to the trickling flow of the creek beneath her. She heard the wind in the forest, brushing the treetops almost gently but the crunch of a boot against the scattered leaves behind her pulled her attention. She turned slowly, meeting the cautious gaze that Anya gave her._

 

_The woman stopped a few feet from her, looking her over and Clarke returned the action. Studying her, finding her looking no different in this moment than she remembered the day but they remained quiet. A soft sigh escaping Anya's thin lips. “Clarke.”_

 

“ _Anya.”_

 

“ _Why am I here? The dead are gone, the living are hungry and I'm tired of seeing your face.”_

 

“ _Shouldn't I be asking you that? Are you not the one appearing in my dreams without my choosing?”_

 

“ _You are the one calling me. You are the one calling me here now, to this place. A place where my warriors died by your choice, because of that girl who destroyed this bridge.” She paused, her eyes trailing up and down Clarke's body. “It wasn't the start of the deaths though Clarke, you and I both know that. You most of all because I told you. I told you that you burned a village to the ground. You took it that you murdered innocent in that village and began a war. This isn't me coming to you, this is you coming to me. You come to me here because it is where we met, it is our beginning as well as the beginning of your downfall.”_

 

“ _It all began with the mountain.”_

 

“ _So you say but you know I am right because this is your dream and you are the one putting these words in my mouth.” Anya met Clarke's gaze pointedly, challenging her but Clarke looked away. Down to the stone of the bridge that began to crumble under her feet. The space between her and Anya growing until the woman faded._

 

Clarke jerked awake, taking a deep breath. Rolling over but meeting Ontari's body still soundly asleep. Light filtering in through the windows as Clarke slowly rose. Hoping to not wake the woman as her heart pounded in her chest. Slipping from the room quietly, finding her clothes and changing in the other room.

 

She let out a breath of relief as she stepped out onto empty street. The street left in shadows as the sun rose slowly but she could already hear the sounds of the village. The soft chatter of conversation and a dog barking in the distance. The sounds leading her to the center of the village, the market slow as the vendors sat back in their seats tiredly.

 

She walked slowly, skirting the market and following a street that seemed to curve. Following the borders of the city, a man leading a goat just ahead of her. His lips curving into a small smile as they passed one another but she paid him no heed. Instead focusing on the dirt beneath her boots, the dirt becoming stone as she turned down a narrow alley. Following it until a wall rose before her, a stone staircase leading up. Dusted over with dirt from the winds throughout the night.

 

The climb was easy but the view was breathtaking. The wall separating the village from the desert that seemed to stretch for miles. As much as the sight was beautiful it was also stopping her from escaping the clans, trying to cross the desert would kill her, Ontari even if she chose to follow. She let out a groan but spun at the sound of someone clearing their throat.

 

A man with a sword hooked to his belt stood just behind her. His black hair cut short, sides shaven but still managing to fall across his brown eyes.

 

“Hi,” she said quietly. Sidestepping to let the tall man pass by her.

 

“Hello,” he nodded but leaned against the stone pillar that rose next to her. “You are Clarke? The exile from the other village?”

 

“Yes.. how did you know.”

 

“Rin told me, he is my brother.” He stuck out his gloved hand, “my name is Jay.”

 

“Jay..” She accepted his hand but released him quickly. Turning her attention back out to the desert.

 

“Like the bird, blue jay.. from the days before the war.” He explained with a lopsided grin. “Our mother liked to study the world from before everything went to pieces. Some books made it is what she told me.”

 

“I see.”

 

She felt his gaze on her, looking her up and down. Jay sucked in a sharp breath before speaking, “my brother and I were not born here.”

 

“What?” She had no idea why this guy was suddenly choosing to tell her his life story but it bothered her. She wanted to sit alone in the quiet before she returned to the house.

 

“We were born in Polis, raised in Polis, my brother and I became warriors there. Fought for general Anya and we were there on the bridge that day.” He studied her harder now, eyes roving up and down her body as if looking for weapons. “My brother.. lost the rank of warrior that day. His leg rendered nearly useless by the explosion and he hates you for it.”

 

“Why are you telling me this.”

 

“Because he wants revenge, he wants to hurt you as you hurt him that day.” Jay drew his sword slowly, holding it in his gloved hands a moment but extending it to Clarke. “He asked me to do it but.. I don't think I can.”

 

“And why not Jay? Why not get your brother's revenge for him.”

 

“Because he could have remained in Polis. He could have lived there peacefully but instead he chose to come here. He threatened to have me killed if I did not join him so I did, leaving our family behind.”

 

“It could have been a lie, you said his leg was destroyed on the bridge.”

 

“It is but.. my brother.. is a very convincing man. He deals in secrets and lies, he knows things he shouldn't. Uses it to his advantage, he is a snake and a dark man. A cruel man and you, Clarke do not deserve to feel his pain.”

 

She listened to him, his eyes full of sincere truth but she disagreed with him. She shook her head slowly, “you will betray your family for someone you do not know.”

 

“What happened to him was fate, it was meant to happen. His dark dealings caught up to him and the gods chose to punish him to the fullest. Destroying what he had and leaving him to live with that loss.” He paused, pulling the sword back towards himself. “If I fail then he will have others come for you, others like Maine who have great reason to want to harm you. So if I will not hurt you myself, then I will at least warn you.”

 

“There is no where for me to go Jay.”

 

“You can go southward,” he turned his head towards the desert. “The desert goes for many miles, it spans across great dried lake beds and empty rivers until it meets a dwindling sea. Then it grows cold, cold as death itself. Far colder than the land from which your friend hails from. No life exists beyond this village.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes, there is a trader who visits us often. She has gone beyond this village, found what I told you and written of it. Drawn pictures in her little book, she has seen what darkness the world fell in to beyond our borders.”

 

“Who is she?”

 

“That doesn't matter right now Clarke, you should go. Go before my brother learns of my failure.”

 

“Will you survive?”

 

He shrugged, “I don't know. Maybe I will return to the south should I survive my brother's wrath.” He sheathed his sword and grabbed her arm. “Now go.”

 

She nodded slowly, “may we meet again Jay.”

 

“Go,” he repeated as she descended the steps. Following the back alleyways until she came to the house but finding it empty. The house torn apart with signs of a struggle and Ontari missing but Clarke's weapons stashed behind the bathtub.

 

“What the hell..” she muttered, pulling the strap of her sword over her shoulder. Letting it lie flat across her back before grabbing her bow. Quiver attached to her back behind her sword as she left the house. She could only assume that Rin already had Ontari, the woman had been left nearly defenseless when she lost her daggers to the cat days before.

 

She walked with determination towards the only place she could assume them to be. The church rising before her as she tried to ignore the feeling that grew inside of her. Of the fear that built as she approached but she slipped around the side. Ignoring the front entrance, managing to climb up the side of the building by left over scaffolding. Entering through a hole in the side but she ground her teeth at what she found below her as she knelt on the wooden floor hanging above the pews.

 

Ontari knelt on the floor before Rin, the man leaning heavily on his staff. “Soon Clarke will discover you missing and come to find you.”

 

“Or just leave without me, she doesn't care for me.” Ontari growled through clenched teeth as she fought her bonds.

 

“You try to lie but it won't work, I know you two are rather close and she would never abandon someone she thinks of as her own.” He shifted with a grunt and Clarke took a moment to scan the church. Only finding half a dozen warriors positioned at the entrances.

 

“Why are you doing this? Why do you hate Clarke like you do?” Ontari asked, keeping her eyes on Rin. “What has she done to you.”

 

“She took something precious away from me.” Rin answered in a clipped tone.

 

“Precious? Did she kill your family? A loved one? Hard to imagine someone loving you, _bran_ -” she began but Rin slammed the butt of his staff into her face. Knocking her over but she pushed herself back up. Blood dripping down her chin from her nose and mouth as she spat blood at his boots in defiance, he moved to strike her again but Clarke nocked an arrow quickly. Pulling it back as his arm rose, letting it loose, watching expectantly as the arrow pierced his arm. Pinning him to the wooden pillar beside him.

 

Ontari let out a victory yell as Rin screamed. Slumping heavily against the pillar, only held up by the arrow in his arm. “You!” He yelled, visibly shaking in pain, staring up at Clarke as she moved to stand before dropping herself to the floor. “Clarke! Capture her!”

 

The warriors moved but Clarke drew her sword, blocking the sword strike behind her and spinning to avoid another. Slashing a man across his back as she maneuvered behind him. The same man taking another slash across his front from one of his own men before he hit the floor. She ducked beneath a sword swinging for her head, slicing the stomach of her attacker. Slipping to the side and blocking a third sword, kicking out the knees of the woman who attacked her. Grabbing the knife from the woman's belt and stabbing it into her throat. Her blood pouring out across the hilt and Clarke's hand before she released.

 

“Clarke!” Ontari shouted but she ignored the sound. Grabbing an extra sword tightly in her hand as two warriors charged her. The two missing their attacks as Clarke ducked between them, stabbing her swords through their backs, the blades slicing clean through their stomachs. Drawing them free quickly, slashing a fifth warriors throat with the tip of her own sword but the last one alive just stared at her. Dropping their weapons suddenly and making a dash for the exit at the sight of Clarke painted red in the blood of their people. Her swords dripping and meeting the blood of the floor as she turned her gaze to Rin.

 

She approached him slowly but stopped just before reaching him. Pointing blood stained sword edges to his throat but he let out a whimper. The sound stopping her. “You should have been the one to die!”

 

“It will take more than this to kill me.” She replied harshly, tightening her fingers around wet leather.

 

“I foresaw it, I saw you die. I saw you lying in a pool of your own blood on this floor. I saw Ontari lying with you. Dead and I alive.” He choked out but Clarke shook her head.

 

“I guess you really can't see the future then.” She drew back her swords from his throat, dropping the extra but keeping her own firmly in her grip as she approached Ontari. Cutting her free and the woman standing with a look of worry in her brown eyes.

 

“Are you going to kill him?” She asked looking him over, “he killed Pine because he tried to stop him.”

 

“What?” Ontari nodded as she rubbed at her wrists.

 

“He is dead, in a back room.”

 

“I see..” Clarke sighed, turning her attention back to Rin. Back to the man struggling to hold himself with one foot slipping in the blood around him. “Death would be easy, less painful than living with the thought that he killed an innocent man for the sake of revenge. That what he foresaw was nothing more than a lie.”

 

“It is up to you Clarke.” Ontari dropped her head, looking around herself. “His actions caused this.”

 

Clarke sighed, not wanting to let her eyes drop to the carnage around her. Not wanting to remind herself of the killer she had been just moments before but she nodded. “I'll let him suffer, suffer as I do.. then we will be equal like he wants.”

 

Ontari nodded, pulling Clarke's sword from her and wiping the blade clean of blood on her own pants. “We should go.”

 

“We should,” she agreed quietly. Looking away from Rin as he struggled but her eyes settled on the death around herself. On the blood that stained the floor of the church, the bodies lying crumbled as Ontari stepped over them. Motioning for Clarke to follow, holding her sword firmly in her hand.

 

“Come on Clarke, it is over.” The brunette led her from the church, out onto the street where the villagers around them stopped. Staring at her cautiously, at the blood on her clothes as the two left the village. Ontari held the sword menacingly, daring anyone to attack them as they followed the road that they had once walked into the village. Only dropping her stance and walking calmly once they were far enough away.

 

“I killed five people back there.” Clarke murmured, eyeing her sword in Ontari's hand. “I killed five people when I said I didn't want to hurt anyone anymore.”

 

“Sometimes you just can't avoid it.”

 

“Five people Ontari, five.” She halted, staring down at the stone of the bridge they had crossed just days ago. She looked back up, realizing her boots were covered in now dried blood. “Five.”

 

“Do you regret it? Do you regret coming to find me and saving me, killing them so that I could live?” The bite in her tone was evident, her brown eyes narrowed as if daring Clarke to say yes. That she did regret it.

 

Clarke stared at her, because no. She didn't regret it, she didn't regret going back for Ontari one bit but she hated having to take lives after she'd said she didn't want to anymore. She hated being forced into that position but maybe Ontari was right. Maybe she just couldn't avoid it sometimes. “No, I don't. I did what I must for my survival as well as my people's.” She repeated Ontari's words from the night before.

 

“But I-”

 

Clarke shook her head, “you are my people Ontari, you are my friend.”

 

“Thank you,” Ontari held her sword out. Holding it by the blade, a softness in her eyes as Clarke took it back from her gently. Sheathing it, feeling just a little more whole with it on her body rather than in Ontari's hand. “Where do you want to go now?”

 

“I don't know, there is nothing beyond this village. I saw the desert beyond the wall.. it stretches as far as I could see.”

 

“Is that what you were doing when I was being captured?”

 

“That and being warned, that was when I went to find you so we could leave.” She began to walk, following the path into the mountains. Ontari fell into step alongside her quietly, “you hid my weapons.”

 

“I did, couldn't let those exiles get your pretty sword.”

 

“Pretty?”

 

“Yes, it is very shiny, different than the trikru or even azgeda weapons but that will change after more use.”

 

“I see.”

 

“I'm sure the smiths in Polis could fix the part that was damaged by the cat, if you'd like them to of course.”

 

“I don't know, doesn't seem to effect its ability to do its job.”

 

“Nope, it doesn't.” Ontari grinned, looking up at the sky momentarily then back to Clarke. Eyeing her up and down before taking a breath.

 

“What is it Ontari.”

 

“Nothing but we should find a river once we get off this mountain.”

 

“I know I'm covered in blood, I know I smell like death and I agree with you.”

 

“We both are covered in blood and I think he may have broken my nose, maybe even a tooth when he hit me.” She pressed her fingers gently against her nose before Clarke stopped her. Bringing her own blood covered hands up to Ontari's face. “What are you doing?”

 

“Its broken,” Clarke muttered. Suddenly pressing her fingers against Ontari's nose, the brunette jerking as the sound of her nose being realigned. Followed by a loud grunt of pain, fresh blood dripping from her nose as she stepped back from Clarke.

 

“That hurt worse than when he hit me!” She wiped at her nose, wincing in pain and staring down at her red hand. “Warn me before you do things like that!”

 

“You would've had a disfigured nose for the rest of your life if I hadn't done it.” Clarke defended, frowning as Ontari shook her head. “Surely there's something that has happened to you that's felt worse.”

 

Ontari stared at her wide eyed, “are you.. is that you making a joke at my history of wounds?”

 

“No, let's go.” Clarke turned away from her, fighting her smile at Ontari's loud, exasperated sigh before following.

 

“Where are we even going on.”

 

“I don't know.”

 

“If you don't know then I will suggest we at least find a river first. Get cleaned up in case we happen to run into anyone else. Don't want them to think we're rogue.”

 

“Rogue?”

 

“Yes.. not all join the exiles, some choose to stay on their own. Become mercenaries or assassins, killing for pay.” Ontari explained turning down the valley they had once walked through on their way to the village. Wiping at her face periodically as they walked, her hand dropping to her side red with fresh blood.

 

“Ontari.”

 

“What?” She glanced over her shoulder at Clarke but stumbled into a hole in the road with a grunt.

 

“Quit messing with your nose and it'll stop bleeding.”

 

“It bothers me.”

 

“Of course it does, its broken.” Clarke rolled her eyes, catching up to the brunette and grabbing her arm as she moved to wipe at her nose again. Her fingers sticky with semi-dry blood. “Leave it alone.”

 

“And if I don't?”

 

“Then it'll keep on bleeding.” She smacked at Ontari's other hand rising to her face and the ice warrior scowled at her. Pulling herself free of Clarke and striding ahead, putting distance between them but not wiping at her face again.

 

Clarke stared after her, maintaining the distance as to not bother Ontari further. Wondering what it was exactly that she'd done to bother the woman. She wracked her mind for the answer but kept coming back to the same point. That Clarke killing those five warriors in order to free her was what had her on edge. Clarke chewed at her bottom lip, maybe the brunette wished she hadn't. Wished she'd just left her to die instead of going to find her.

 

Or maybe it was because she'd told her to leave her nose alone.

 

Clarke began to slow her pace at the thought, letting Ontari create more distance between them but the brunette seemed to slow as the distance widened. The path beneath their feet beginning its descent, tree trunks forming in the distance.

 

“The road.. it leads straight to the village at the base of the mountain.” Ontari called out as she stopped walking, turning back to look Clarke over. “You want to avoid them don't you?”

 

“I do but, you are free to go there if you'd like to.” Clarke halted several feet from the brunette. Studying her a moment before continuing, “besides.. you should see a healer for your nose.”

 

“Aren't you a healer?”

 

“No, so go.” Clarke walked off to the edge of the road but stopped before heading down. “I'm sure you'll find me again if you want to.”

 

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

 

“Just go, get yourself cleaned up.” Clarke muttered, heading down the nearly sheer drop. The sound of her boots against loose stone drowning out Ontari's reply but the brunette didn't seem to follow her. Clarke only risking a glance upward when her slide seemed to come to a halt, finding herself indeed alone once more. She let out a sigh of relief and continued her descent. Surprising herself when she made it to the bottom without hurting herself.

 

Soft, green grass and dead leaves beneath her boots once more. The earth a little softer as she walked beneath the towering trees. Grateful to be beneath their protection once more, the shade cool as birds chirped above her and for a moment she felt at peace. Breathing in the smell of fresh grass and just nature that settled the anxiety that normally sat in her bones.

 

She took a deep breath and stopped in the center of a clearing. The forest was different than the first time she'd walked through it, as if it had grown stronger in her absence. Following the guidance of the lands further south, untouched by man entirely. She nodded and continued on her way, breaking into a jog before sprinting. Letting herself be free, feeling the wind in her braids as she vaulted over a fallen tree. Birds suddenly scattering in her wake from the forest floor as she ran but a sound caught her attention. Forcing her to a sudden halt.

 

The sound of rushing water filled her ears as she turned to follow the sound. Breaking through the tree line to find a waterfall flowing off of a sheer cliff. The water falling into a pool of clear water, the water so clear she could see to the bottom. To the smooth earth and stone along the bottom but she dropped herself at the edge.

 

Listening to the sounds the waterfall made before stripping completely. Leaving her bloody clothes on the edge of the pool before making her way into the water. Not stopping until she was floating, grateful for Alta teaching her to swim when she had. The memory was a warm one despite how cold the water had been when she and her mentor had first gone into it with the purpose of fishing. It hadn't been until later that the warrior decided to teach Clarke to swim. She remembered it clearly, as if it had only been just yesterday.

 

_She stood at the edge of the lake, her boots sinking into the damp sand at the edge. Alta was already in the water, nearly waist deep. Her body poised above the surface of the water as if she were made of stone. Still and patient before she suddenly moved, her arms disappearing beneath the surface before returning a moment later with a fish. The creature struggled beneath her strong hands before she suddenly tossed it to Clarke._

 

_An expectant look in her eye that Clarke barely had a chance to understand before the fish hit her. Not nearly with enough force to force her off her feet but enough to shock her. For her to let out a shriek, gripping at the slippery fish before dropping it into a basket near her feet. She shivered in the cold water that had seeped through her shirt and the warrior stared at her._

 

_Clarke met her gaze, “what? Why are you staring at me?”_

 

_Alta shook her head and turned back to the water, positioning herself again but she turned back after a moment. Eyeing Clarke closely as she remained on the beach, shifting almost nervously. Her blue eyes focused on the stillness of the water with an almost tinge of fear before she met Alta's gaze._

 

“ _Why are you staring at me?” Clarke asked again, squatting as a cold burst of air washed over her. “Fish so we can leave and get warm again.”_

 

_Alta shook her head and waded through the water to Clarke, extending her wet hand but narrowing her eyes at Clarke when she refused to grab her hand. The warrior suddenly reaching out and gripping Clarke's arm. Dragging her into the water further despite her struggles._

 

“ _Alta! I can't swim!”_

 

“ _Then you will learn,” the warrior grunted. Pulling her until the water was to her waist before stopping._

 

The warrior never let Clarke slip beneath the surface but made sure she knew how to swim. They stayed at the lake for hours, only going back to the village as the sun set. The two shivering as they walked through the gates, being met by a frowning Nadira. The warrior had seemed to shrink beneath the healer's gaze but Clarke could only smile at the time.

 

She looked up, letting her feet meet the bottom of the pool. Her feet meeting the soft mud and the sun directly above her warm but not hot just yet. She sunk below the surface of the water despite the braids still in her hair, washing away the droplets of blood that had found their way onto her. She rose a moment later, pushing her hair away from her face. Waiting a heartbeat more before leaving the water, knowing she needed to clean blood from her clothes.

 

Her only set of clothes, the idea of wandering naked until they dried was less than ideal as she grabbed them and her weapons. Carrying them to a smooth rock that jutted out across the water, she dropped her sword but held onto her clothes. Scrubbing the blood from them in the water, staining it a murky red until she felt content enough to stop. Laying them out smoothly in the sun on the rock before returning herself to the water. Avoiding the red altogether.

 

A small part of her wishing Ontari would find her already, the ice warrior had always been quick before. It shouldn't even take that long for a healer to look her over. She shook her head, ridding herself of the thought and closed her eyes. Knowing that the woman would find her eventually but she opened her eyes once more at the sound of a hawk's cry.

 

Her eyes found Suoh, the sun glinting off his feathers as he dove suddenly but landed softly on the rock near Clarke's sword. His eyes staring intently at her before cocking his head in curiosity. Clarke sighed but pushed through the water towards him. If the hawk was here, then Ontari couldn't be too far behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But what would their ship name be??


	7. Chapter 7

The sky was clear, the stars were bright and the moon shone above her but the fire ahead of her cast the shadow out behind her. Her shadow dancing along the soft earth as if it were a child but she herself was no child. She had lost that part of her after she fell from space, crushed beneath the weight of the earth but she would have it no other way. It was what helped give her the tools to survive.

 

Clarke stared into the depths of the fire, listening to it crack and pop alongside the waterfall behind her. The hawk was still with her, standing on her shoulder proudly but his gaze was turned to the forest as if seeing something that Clarke could not. Hearing something that she couldn't even begin to hope to hear over the water behind her. But Clarke herself remained still, her sword laid free of its sheath beside her. Just within her reach as her bow was but she felt little need for them, she felt completely and utterly safe in her place.

 

“Where do you think she is Suoh?” Clarke asked the bird but he remained quiet. Shifting ever so slightly on her shoulder, his talons digging into her skin through her shirt but she didn't mind. “You know where she is don't you? You have to know, she is your master.”

 

He let out a soft sound, a sound she almost missed but it was enough for her to continue speaking to him as if he would suddenly reply to her in English.

 

“Where is Ontari Suoh?” She asked him but he made no sound this time. Instead taking off and flying away from her with a loud fluttering of wings. The bird disappearing into the shadows of the forest. Leaving her alone, completely and utterly alone once more but she just nodded. “I don't know either..” she murmured to herself.

 

A part of her knew she should rest, to lie back against the dirt and just relax but she stayed upright. Watching the fire die before her eyes until only hot coals remained, throwing her into the darkness before she added more wood to it. Coaxing it alive once more then allowing herself to lie back against the earth. Her eyes meeting the sky and mapping out the constellations in her mind until she drifted asleep.

 

_She woke to a searing pain, a knife dragged across the inside of her arm, her arms tied to the post behind her. Her blood warm and wet coating the skin below the cut, soaking into her gray shirt before the knife was removed. Her mother stepping back as Raven suddenly approached, her lips twisted into a frown as she dragged a blade across Clarke's opposite arm. Pain surging through her as blood dripped and Raven stepping back. Octavia replacing her, repeating Raven's actions but this time across Clarke's collarbone, the knife digging deep then removed as Bellamy took her place._

 

_The knives cutting into her skin over and over as each of the remaining 44 cut into her. Their faces twisted in a multitude of different emotions as she bled out weakly on the post she was tied to. As the 44 ended, the ones she herself had killed replaced them. Repeating their actions until she was sure she had not a single place unmarred by knives._

 

“ _Suffer as we did, Clarke of the sky people, suffer.” Anya spoke, her eyes dark as faded war paint stained her skin, lines of dark paint contouring her cheeks and Clarke recognized her clearly now. Recognized her from the dream that caused her to hurt Ontari but it was torn from her as Anya suddenly dragged the blade across Clarke's hip._

 

_Then it was Lexa who stepped up. Her sword in hand with a frown, her face clean of war paint as she raised her sword. “Yu gonplei ste odon.”_

 

_Clarke opened her mouth to say something, anything but the sword plunged through her heart and she choked on the blood that welled in her mouth as her eyes drifted shut._

 

Clarke jerked awake, coughing as she dropped a hand over her heart but found herself whole. Clean of blood and still alone, the earth around her undisturbed. Her weapons still nearby but the fire long since burned out as the sun rose above her. Peeking over the tree tops and into the clearing, glittering on the water but it did nothing to calm her pounding heart.

 

Her heart continuing to pound as she rose, sheathing her sword and slipping it over her head then grabbing her bow. But she halted before leaving the clearing, choosing to follow the shore line until stepping up on the rocks closer to the waterfall. Taking the moment to drink before moving on, stepping back into the forest but heading back towards the mountain.

 

Ontari should have returned already, should have found her sometime in the night but she hadn't and that worried Clarke. Worried her that maybe the ice warrior had been captured again but by who she had no clue. Anyone could want to find her, even her own mother the ice queen but Clarke could only assume that it would be the commander herself who would want her most of all. Clarke pushed it from her mind as she approached the loose stone leading up the side of the mountain, choosing to follow the path where she thought it began its descent above her.

 

Following it until her boots met the beaten path into what she could only assume to be the village that Ontari had supposedly been headed towards but as she walked she studied the ground. Finding foot prints that suddenly disappeared along hoof tracks, too large to be a deer but perfect for a horse. The tracks leading towards the village and Clarke followed quietly but paused as a house appeared in the forest, just off the path.

 

She could only stare at the near picture perfect site, at the herbs that appeared to grow in the clearing before the house. A black and white dog napping near the closed door as farming tools leaned against the wall opposite the dog. The sunlight filtered in through the treetops, casting shadows over the house but Clarke jumped when the door opened suddenly. A man stepping out and making his way down the path towards Clarke. His jaw set cautiously as he stopped a few feet from her.

 

“ _Do you need something or is it customary to stare into a stranger's home wherever you come from?”_ He spoke harshly in trigedasleng, his large, tanned hand wrapping around the hilt of a dagger at his hip as his dark hair fell across his eyes.

 

“ _I am looking for someone.”_ She kept her own tone light, not wanting to push the man further into his own assumptions. Yet if he did fall further into them, if he did try to attack her, she knew she could win the fight. He may be large, his uncovered muscled arms painted in black tattoos similar to Lincoln's but he didn't scare her. “ _My friend, we were separated and I thought she would have come here.”_

 

“ _Unless your friend is a part of the commander's guard, I doubt you will be seeing her any time soon.”_

 

“ _Commander's guard..”_

 

“ _They were here during the night, took a woman, a warrior.”_ The man calmed as he spoke, his hand leaving his dagger but he crossed his arms over his chest. “ _The woman.. was your friend?”_

 

Clarke nodded, _“what did she look like?”_

 

“ _Small but mighty, covered in blood once the men managed to restrain her.”_ Clarke sucked in a sharp breath, Ontari had indeed been taken by the commander or at least by her men. _“You are a traveler?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _You don't look like a traveler.”_

 

“ _Lost what I had.. my companion and I were attacked by rogues.”_ She studied him, hoping he would latch onto her lie and he nodded in understanding slowly. His brown eyes flickering with almost disbelief.

 

“ _I see, come with me then.”_ He headed back up the path but Clarke hesitated before following. Allowing herself distance to escape easily should it be required of her as the man opened the door, the dog yawning and stretching as Clarke approached. Sniffing at her boots then padding into the house after its master. _“I can give you something for your journey at least..”_

 

“ _Thank you,”_ Clarke let her eyes rove over the house. It was simple, a small cooking fire with a cast iron pot sitting on iron legs over the low burning fire. Separate door ways leading off to other parts of the house but her attention was pulled back by the man gesturing towards the table and chairs before her.

 

“Sit,” he told her in English. “It will take a moment.”

 

Clarke nodded but sat closest towards the door, the dog from outside trotting over and resting its head on her knee gently. Its big brown eyes staring up at her with a hopeful look in its eye before she patted it on the head. Its tail thumping against the floor as she continued to pet the dog, the soft feel of its fur against her fingers comforting in a way. Making her forget where she was as she fell into the depths of its brown eyes.

 

“He doesn't normally take to strangers so well.” The man commented from his spot in a doorway across from Clarke. “What is your name?”

 

“My name is..” she paused, pulling herself from the dog. Focusing on the man and the expectant look in his eye. Looking at her as if he already knew who she was, as if he was just waiting for her to tell him herself but she shook her head. Not wanting to give away who she was but it was inevitable. The people of this village already had an idea of who she was as _wanheda,_ even going as far to recognize the title when Ontari had supposedly used it before. “Clarke.”

 

“Clarke..” he spoke her name gently and nodded with a small smile. “My name is Ridge.”

 

“And this is your home?” She asked, cocking an eyebrow at Ridge's soft laugh as he sat across from her at the table.

 

“No, it is my mother's. She is a herbalist but I never could relate to the earth as she does.” He gestured to the herbs hanging along the walls around them.

 

“I see.”

 

“I just returned home you see..” he met her gaze but quickly looked away. “She fights to make me stay instead of leave again, she fears the mountain will come crawling back from its depths to take me again.”

 

“You..”

 

“Yes and I know who you are, Clarke of the sky people, _wanheda.”_ He seemed to pull back from laying out her other titles. Instead studying her for something, anything really until he opened his mouth to speak again. “If my mother were here, she would surely bask in your presence and wish to prepare you food.”

 

“Perhaps it is good she isn't then.”

 

He smiled warmly, “it is an honor to sit at a table with you Clarke. It is even more an honor to assist you on your journey to wherever it is that you intend to go.”

 

“I only need to know where Polis is.”

 

“You have never been?”

 

“No, never but I intend to go there as soon as I can.”

 

“For your friend? The azgeda princess.”

 

“Sha,” it fell strangely on her ears for someone to title Ontari as a princess. The term princess alone felt degrading to her, stronger than before as it was applied to Ontari. The ice warrior was by no means a princess. “Will you point me in the right direction Ridge?”

 

“Sha, I will even escort you to the village borders should it assist you further.” He rose from the table and held a bag out to her.

 

“Okay,” she stood and accepted it from him. Slinging it over her shoulder opposite her sword as he lead the way from the house. The dog following them out before Clarke closed the door behind them but she kept her eyes on Ridge as he walked down the path leading to the village. She paused at the hoof tracks and knelt swiftly, catching a gleam of metal hidden beneath the earth. She dug out Ontari's knife and looked up at Ridge with a frown but the man continued on his way. His hands shoved deep into the pockets of his pants but pulling them free to wave at a neighbor every so often.

 

Clarke let her eyes wander as they walked, the buildings of the village obviously built from the remains of a town long since passed. Fallen walls replaced by wood or metal, signs still stood in the concrete of the ancient world but the words faded. The streets were green with fresh grass yet hints of gray still managed to appear and it was almost beautiful in a way for Clarke. That the past still managed to make itself known despite the new world that had taken over.

 

Somehow it made her feel hopeful for herself, that despite what she had become. Despite the killer that had risen in the ashes of the empty shell of what she'd once been, that somehow she could be beautiful again. But the thought was torn from her as Ridge halted, turning to face her.

 

“Ridge?”

 

“We are here, the village isn't very big Clarke.” He gestured to the earth as he knelt, “I expect that the commander's people has left a big enough trail for you to follow.” He pointed out the hoof marks and Clarke nodded.

 

“I can track them,” another lesson taught by her mentor.

 

“All roads lead to Polis,” he added as he straightened up. “ _Leidon_ , Clarke of the sky people.”

 

He walked off but his dog remained by Clarke's side, staring up at her expectantly but Ridge said nothing of it. She could only assume that he thought the dog would find him later but she pushed it away as she began her trek to Polis. Following the winding road and the tracks throughout the day and long into the night by moon light.

 

She didn't expect to catch up to the party, they had a good day's head start. Riding horses, possibly with orders to ride hard and fast back to Polis with their prisoner. The urge to continue nonstop was strong but Clarke rested just before dawn, leaning against a tree with a piece of fruit in her hand. Using her own knife to cut into it but the taste only reminded her of her mission. The mission remaining on her mind until she fell asleep, one hand nestled in the fur of the dog that still followed her.

 

– 

 

_The healer was kind, warm and inviting. Her hands gentle despite years of callouses built up but that warmth was shattered the moment Ontari left her home. A bird's cry piercing the night air but she froze at the rush of footsteps from all sides, the bodies that collided with hers as she was thrown down to the dirt. Pain exploding from her nose, no doubt bleeding again as her attackers hauled her up. The one behind her barely taller than her, the perfect target as she threw her head back. The sudden collision with the back of her head to his face enough to set her free. For her to duck beneath an arm snaking out for her, her hand wrapping around her small knife and slashing out. A man screaming loudly before she was grabbed again, a strong hand squeezing her wrist and yelling as another arm circled her neck._

 

“ _Drop it! Drop it now!” He yelled harshly in English, the arm he held around Ontari's neck tightening. Cutting off her intake of air until she dropped her knife with a strangled grunt, both arms pulled ahead of her and bound tightly._

 

Ontari jerked involuntarily out of the memory and blinked into the darkness of her hood despite the warm light she felt on her skin. Fresh, cool air washed over her but the air inside her hood was hot. Her hair sticking to her skin across her forehead but that was the least of her problems.

 

Hands bound, head covered in a black hood, mouth stuffed with thick cloth and on her knees was how Ontari found herself sitting in the commander's throne room. The woman she'd sworn to protect had yet to enter but the room remained quiet. The sound of shuffling and breathing from the guards around her felt deafening nonetheless to her as she waited. Waited for the commander to enter and deal out her punishments.

 

She jerked as the hood was removed, blinking rapidly in the sudden harsh light in her eyes. Allowing herself to slowly adjust to the throne room, the throne itself sitting empty and cold before her. The windows behind it open as a breeze wafted it, causing the sheer curtains to part gently. Giving her a split second to witness the trees across the ridge below the commander's tower, between the wide weaving of tree branches on the throne.

 

Ontari resigned herself to remain perfectly still as she waited, turning her gaze to the red strip of carpet beneath her but the sound of a door opening and boots against the off white floor shattered the silence. The sound of a coat tail sweeping the floor to her right and a sigh caught her attention as she lifted her head to take in the commander.

 

“ _Ontari,”_ the commander spoke her name and it only served to cause Ontari to drop her head once more. The authority and power in the single spoken word crushed her more than when her mother spoke, the commander's power hadn't faded, as if all that had happened had never weakened her. Ontari froze as her head was yanked back up and the cloth removed from her mouth. The look in her commander's eyes full of fire and distrust as she stepped back, the cloth gripped tightly in her fist. “ _You abandoned your post and me, explain yourself now.”_

 

“ _Wanheda,”_ Ontari spoke the title softly. Taking in the sight of the commander further, she hadn't expected her to remain standing. She expected her to retreat to her throne, to sit on it as she stared at her with disdain in her eyes. She expected her coat to be closed, for armor on her body but she was greeted openly. The coat hanging open with the commander in only her black undershirt, tight pants and boots. Only her dagger at her hip, hidden just inside her coat and the room void of its usual audience. “ _I followed her, I-”_

 

“ _Do not dare lie to me Ontari,”_ she hissed angrily. “ _Your mother was spotted riding for the borders of her own lands, near where you were captured.”_

 

“ _And you think I was conspiring with her? You think I would so easily betray you after all we have been through together?”_ Ontari spat, but she felt herself crumble beneath the hard gaze of the commander. Feeling herself begin to lose her confidence as the woman stormed closer to her, grabbing her by front of her shirt. Hauling her to her feet with a single, fluid movement and how anyone could assume the commander to be weak was beyond her. How the people could whisper in the streets and the dead of night that the commander had become nothing had clearly never seen the power she possessed now. “ _You are my heda, I would never choose to betray you.”_

 

“ _You say you were following her, following Clarke and if you were then you would have been captured with her. You both would be here in this room with me but yet you are alone. Alone as the day you were captured and one of my men wouldn't be sporting a new scar across his cheek from your little knife. So pray tell why, tell me why you felt the need to protect yourself so against your own heda's people.”_

 

“ _I was attacked leaving a healer in the middle of the night and I have already suffered being the victim of an attack once that day. So tell me.. would you have reacted differently?”_

 

“ _Attacked already? By who?”_

 

“ _By a man seeking revenge against Clarke but I was taken in her stead.”_

 

“ _Was she harmed?”_ The commander's eyes softened with a flicker of worry, her grip loosening before she tightened it, jerking Ontari closer. Her warm breath on her face as she spoke, _“tell me.”_

 

“ _No, she is the one who saved me but we were split up when your men took me. I went for a healer but I promised her I would find her again.”_

 

“ _So you have no clue where she is now..”_

 

“ _No heda, but if I know her at all.. she is probably leaving your world behind entirely.”_ The commander opened her mouth to reply but she was cut off suddenly.

 

“ _Heda!”_ She snapped her head up at the man who stormed into the room through the doorway next to her. His hand gripped tightly at the hilt of his sword as he slowed under her gaze but she turned her attention back to Ontari.

 

“ _Take her to the prison, I will call for her when I have decided what to do with her.”_ She released Ontari, the commander turning to face the man who had stormed in. Motioning for him to speak as another guard grabbed Ontari, pulling her from the room but not before Ontari heard the guard. Hearing him mention the sky people.

 

–

 

The city grew before her as if out of thin air, the fog surrounding it disappearing the closer she got until it rose full and strong. The tower she'd seen from the rocky hills behind her intimidatingly tall despite being far from it inside the walls but she tore her gaze from it, pulling a black length of cloth over her head to hide her hair as Ontari had told her. Knowing she was entirely too easy to pick out should it be visible but she swallowed thickly as she followed a small group of traders into the city. The dog still following her closely.

 

The tower before her blocking out the sun as she walked but her attention was torn from it once more as she took in the city around her. Took in its wide variety of people dressed in hand made clothing, most speaking trigedasleng but there was still other languages she did not recognize. Few spoke English but as she walked, it felt like a nearly lost language among Polis' people.

 

As she walked, she realized she had no idea where to find Ontari. The city itself seemed large from her first viewing of it. Most seemingly hidden by the tall trees that grew all around her. The roots of the trees broke the earth and concrete underfoot, the beauty of it breathtaking but she had to focus. Focus on the conversations around her, listening for a mention of a title, of a name, of an event over the course of the day. Anything really but she ground her teeth at the lack of gossip in the city, the dog beside her letting out a whimper as if in agreement.

 

Clarke walked on anyway, passing a water filled fountain, algae floating within its depths in a city square but she paused at the mention of azgeda. Focusing her attention on a couple of women standing near a building's front.

 

“ _The azgeda princess.. she is here again.”_

 

“ _Again?”_

 

“ _As a prisoner, not a guard for the commander herself.”_

 

“ _The commander will have your heart if she heard you gossiping on the street.”_ The taller of the two chastened with a frown as Clarke slowed her pace near them. “ _Where did you learn this?”_

 

“ _The guards on the wall near the north entrance, the riders came early this morning. They said the princess was being carried, covered in blood as if she were already dead and her spirit passed onto another.”_

 

“ _If she were dead, the commander wouldn't have had her brought here.”_ She shook her head and huffed but walked away. Leaving her friend alone, the woman turning her gaze to Clarke but Clarke moved on as well.

 

Ontari was in the city, a prisoner but alive in the city.

 

The thought spurred her on but she had no idea how to find her. She could wander the city for days and probably never stumble on her. She could reveal herself and be taken to the commander but probably still not find Ontari. She sighed in thought, drawing her knife from her belt as a guard approached. Her only option was to be taken as a prisoner as well.

 

–

 

The cell was cold, the floor beneath her butt damp as rainwater dripped from the ceiling not far from her but she had no option to move. She could merely stand or sit, there was nothing more for her to do. Her hands and feet were bound before her and she suspected that was only because the doors had no locks. She'd seen this prison from the outside, watched criminals be thrown in before their executions the next day but she never expected herself to be in here.

 

She didn't expect to be here long either.

 

The commander wouldn't linger on the inevitable, especially not if she thought Ontari had betrayed her. Gone to her mother and spoken of her weaknesses, her mother bringing her armies for Polis in return. Ontari had no idea her mother was even there, she hadn't seen her. Hadn't heard of her massing there but it shook her regardless.

 

Nia was planning to start a war and soon but Ontari was hopeless to stop it. She couldn't even fight to protect the commander, she could do nothing.

 

She hung her head in defeat, not minding the cold as much but she looked up slowly at the footsteps that echoed off the concrete walls down the hallway. A person grunting in protest before the guards passed by her cell door, hauling a woman between them. A flash of blonde hair but gone too quickly for her to recognize the person.

 

“ _Attacked a guard, screaming for no reason other than insanity.”_ One of the men grunted as a door slammed.

 

“ _We'll take her to the commander when we take the princess then, I'm sure the commander would like to see wanheda.”_

 

“ _Possibly,”_ he agreed as they walked off back down the hallway.

 

Ontari froze, _wanheda_ , Clarke. Clarke was in the prison, she'd gotten herself captured but Ontari rolled her eyes. Shifting closer to her cell door, peering through the rusted bars at the cell down the hall from her. Clarke just visible, fighting her bonds as hard as she could, her bottom lip between her teeth and completely weaponless.

 

“Clarke!” Ontari whispered loudly, pausing and listening for the guards but when nothing came she continued. “What did you do?”

 

“Looking for you,” Clarke hissed but stopped fighting her bonds. Letting herself lie back against the iron walls heavily with a sigh. “Found you but now we're both fucked aren't we.”

 

“Maybe, maybe not, maybe the commander will be merciful with us because of you.. or maybe she will deal punishment as our people demand.”

 

“And how exactly does that go down?”

 

“Death usually, or exile.”

 

“Lovely..” Clarke groaned, “are you okay?”

 

“As okay as I can be Clarke.” Ontari murmured loud enough for Clarke to hear her, “how did you find me.”

 

“The village.. I went there and Ridge, a villager, said the commander's people had taken you.” She paused a moment before continuing, “I told you to find a healer.”

 

“I did but no one would believe me by looking at me. I think when they captured me, they made it worse.”

 

“Guess you'll be disfigured for the rest of your life.”

 

“And I guess that won't matter much since I'll be dead soon anyway.” Ontari turned her head away from the hallway, half hoping Clarke wouldn't hear her. Wouldn't hear the sadness in her voice but the blonde hummed from her cell.

 

“Ontari..” Clarke began but a shout cut her off. The pounding of feet against the floor in the hallway that stopped at Ontari's cell door, the brunette pulled roughly before Clarke was. Hoods thrown over both of their heads before they were marched from the prison. Onto the street as thunder rumbled in the distance, the air thick with the promise of rain as the clouds grew closer to them but Ontari forgot the moment they were pushed inside another building.

 

This building felt different, the air of it was colder as they were marched up a set of stairs then turned but pulled to a stop. A set of doors closing behind them before the floor began to move and Ontari knew exactly where they were. The sound of ropes pulling taught and metal creaking loud in her ears before it stopped. Hands back on her shoulders, pushing her forward and up another small set of stairs. Their footsteps echoing off walls when they met the top floor as a set of doors were pushed open, a gust of wind met Ontari's bare arms and she knew they were at the end of their journey. She knew as they were pushed to their knees, their hoods jerked off.

 

She chanced a glance at Clarke despite the blinding light from the sun in her own eyes, the blonde squinting in the sudden brightness before her eyes slowly widened. A look in her eye that Ontari couldn't quite place, it wasn't a look of fury or fear. It wasn't pained or hopeful, but a mix of everything.

 

“ _What is this?”_ The commander asked and Ontari turned her head to face her, finding her rising to her feet but donned in full armor. Her face clean of warpaint and a look of evident confusion in her green eyes that lingered a moment before the commander's mask fell into place. Her fists clenched at her sides as she glided down the steps to stand before them.

 

The room falling deathly silent, Indra and Titus who stood on either side of the commander's throne did not dare raise their eyes to watch the scene unfold before them as the commander spoke again, repeating herself. Her voice rising with a fury that seemed to shake all but Clarke. The blonde still staring at her, her jaw clenched but remaining still.

 

“Leave us,” the commander ordered as no one answered her and the room moved with calculated precision. None daring to disobey but someone halted just behind Clarke. The commander's eyes leaving Clarke's for a moment to meet the gaze of whomever it was behind them. “You heard me.”

 

“Yes _heda_ ,” the voice came and Ontari recognized Titus. His footsteps fading behind her, leaving them alone with the commander. The commander kept quiet until the room was empty aside from the guards at the door but she seemed to be deep in thought. Her thumb rubbing over her index finger a moment before she took a deep breath.

 

“Ontari.. You tell me that you were not with Queen Nia of the azgeda at the border but with Clarke.” Her voice filled the room, clear and strong, without a hint of hesitation before she turned her attention to Clarke herself. The blonde still staring at the commander but the look in her eye different, still unrecognizable as Ontari turned her eyes back to her _heda_. “Clarke.. can you confirm what she says to be true, that she was with you after she abandoned her post. That she was not with her mother at the borders.” She asked, her voice uncharacteristically soft now.

 

Clarke remained stark still, blinking every so often but the look in her eyes told Ontari that she wasn't listening. That she was gone, that she was deep within her mind in that moment, that it would take someone to pull her back into the present. The commander seemed to recognize it as she took a step forward, her fists releasing and her shoulders relaxing.

 

“Clarke?” Ontari spoke loudly, just loud enough to pull Clarke from her trance. For the blonde to look over at her but her eyes widen again as if she'd just realized how bloody Ontari was in that moment. A frown growing, a frown mirrored by the commander. “Were you listening?”

 

Clarke shook her head, her jaw relaxing but still frowning.

 

“I was told that she was with you after she left Ton DC, that you have been together afterward until you two separated and she was captured by my men.” The commander asked, studying Clarke, her eyes dropping to the marks that still lingered on her neck before continuing, “is this true? Was she with you until the separation?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I see,” the commander crossed her arms over her chest. Her green eyes leaving Clarke's to focus on Ontari. “But you cannot give me evidence proving she did not return to her queen, therefore I have no choice but to order princess Ontari of the azgeda's execution on the grounds of betrayal and abandonment of her post.”

 

“What?!” Ontari yelled, fighting the guards who suddenly rushed her from behind. Grabbing her roughly and throwing her hood back over her head. “No!”

 

The commander ignored her yell, continuing to speak over her as she was taken away. “The execution will occur at the sun's highest peak, in the center square tomorrow.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to update last night but then I thought of something that needed to be changed then proceeded to completely forget what it was when I woke up this morning. Go me.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry everyone and I know this update is long overdue but the reason behind it taking so long to come out is because I am terrified of getting Lexa wrong. I've gone over so many different explanations in my head and while none of them seem to even come close to good enough.. I am updating. I know where this story is going, I have it written down but when it comes to writing Lexa it becomes one of the hardest things I've ever done. She is so dynamic, so layered, so terrifying to write and I don't want to get her wrong. So again, I'm sorry I took forever on this update. Please forgive me and try to stick with me while I work out how to not completely ruin a beautiful character like Lexa.

“The execution will begin at the sun's highest peak, in the center square.” Lexa declared from her position in front of Clarke, meeting her wide confused gaze.

 

“What? You're going to kill her?” Clarke rasped out in disbelief despite knowing the commander wasn't bluffing, she would never bluff but this was different. Ontari was completely and totally loyal to her, there was no way around that. Ontari wouldn't have betrayed the commander. She wouldn't have returned to her mother and that Clarke was sure of. After finding the evident distrust and hatred in her eyes when she spoke or was merely reminded of her, she knew she would never betray her.

 

“Yes.”

 

“You can't!” Clarke spat in pulsing rage, “you can't just fucking kill her Lexa!” Her anger burned, clouding her rational mind but she took a deep, shaky breath in attempt to calm the storm.

 

“Yes I can,” Lexa replied. “Her mother sits on the borders of Polis with an army that could move at any time. If she were to attack it would break the coalition and we would be at war.”

 

“But that doesn't mean Ontari went to her, that doesn't mean anything to what you're assuming Lexa.” She stood despite her bonds, tugging harshly against the tightness of the rope around her wrists. Throwing Lexa a harsh, threatening glare but the woman turned away from her. Her gaze focused on the open window behind her throne and Clarke bent quickly, pulling Ontari's knife from her boot. Relieved to find that the guards hadn't found it and taken it from her as she straightened up. Pushing it up her sleeve. “Let her go, you have no evidence that she betrayed you.”

 

“I do what I must for my people.”

 

“And how exactly does this help your people? How does it help to kill the ice queen's daughter? Do you think it will make her feel the same pain that you felt when she took Costia from you? Because it won't, she left her own daughter to rot in that mountain. She slaughtered her daughter's rebellion and probably would have been just as easily able to murder her to end it. It would be a pointless death.” Clarke shook her head in disbelief, the cold of the blade pressed into her wrist as she shifted. “You're making a mistake, Ontari is an ally, not an enemy and of all the times she had the chance to kill me.. she never took them. She kept me safe, protected me and you're just going to kill her.”

 

“Its not that simple Clarke,” Lexa replied firmly, still turned away. “The possibility is too great for me to ignore.”

 

“What will it take then? What will it take for you to listen to reason and release her?” She pulled at her bonds again, clenching her jaw at the sharp pain but she stopped as the commander turned back to face her. Drawing her dagger from within her coat and cutting Clarke free. “Lexa-”

 

“Why does she matter to you so much?” She asked suddenly, sheathing her dagger but not retreating. Meeting Clarke's gaze head on, her gaze steeled over and unreadable.

 

“She is my friend, she has my back as I have hers and I owe it to her to fight for her life.”

 

“And what if she is turns out to be a traitor? What if she gave up all my secrets to her mother, what if that is why Nia is at the border?”

 

“Then that's on you, its your life at risk. Not mine.”

 

“You know that's a lie Clarke, we both know its a lie.” Her voice softened, her jaw clenched as she turned away from Clarke. “If she did then you are in danger and that is something I cannot..” She continued but shook her head, turning to meet blue eyes again. “You won't be a prisoner but you will stay in the city until I am sure you will be safe.”

 

“You left me to die once, whose to say you won't do it again?” Clarke spat, the hilt of the knife pressing into her palm as she dropped her arms to her sides. Reminding her she had a choice as she tried to keep her thoughts at bay despite the truth that Lexa gave her. A truth she didn't want to know or even believe anymore.

 

“I'm sorry for what I did at the mountain, I only did what was best for my people. The same as you.”

 

“I wouldn't have betrayed my friends.” Clarke shot back gripping the hilt tightly, the heat in her body rising as her anger threatened to take over once again. She narrowed her eyes, wondering when they'd turned back towards the mountain and away from Ontari's life. A life hanging too precariously in the air for her to forget so easily about or even be swayed from.

 

“But you did Clarke, you had friends in that mountain and you betrayed them.” Lexa answered, her hands disappearing behind her back but as Clarke opened her mouth to reply. Gripping the knife fully in her hand but the guards returned to the room, their eyes scanning Lexa carefully before she acknowledged them. “ _Take her to the blue room, she is to be under my protection at all times and I want her to remain in the city until I say otherwise.”_

 

“ _Sha heda,”_ the smaller of the two guards replied. Clarke slipped the knife back up her jacket sleeve as the guard nearest her touched her arm lightly. His other hand extended towards the door to lead her to the blue room.

 

–

 

The march back to her cell was a quick, quiet one. No one in the streets of Polis dared stand in the way of a prisoner. A doomed prisoner at that and tomorrow she would bleed out on a post for the whole city to see. She would die by the commander's sword, the thought caused her to pull in a shaky breath. She never thought she'd leave this world as a prisoner, treated like a common criminal. She thought it would be in the glory of battle, painted in the blood of her enemies or even by some punishment of the gods, as a queen.

 

But queen was off the table, her brother would be able take the throne before she ever chose to and it was never her intention to rise to her mother's position of power. The role too far stained in the blood of the innocent for her. She let out the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding as a throat was cleared on the opposite side of her cell door.

 

“Ontari,” the person spoke and she looked up. Finding the commander standing there, weaponless still but with a frown on her lips. Her eyes full of distrust but she knelt, one hand grasping the rusted iron of the door. Her coat tail and red sash pooling behind her on the floor. _“We need to talk.”_

 

“ _Of course heda, what is it that you require of me.”_

 

“ _I'm here to offer you a chance at freedom and my complete forgiveness of all your crimes,”_ but Ontari merely stared at her a moment before letting out a short laugh. The commander's frown deepening into a scowl almost, _“I am being serious.”_

 

“ _I'm sorry heda, give me my chance at freedom and I shall not fail you.”_ She straightened up in her position against the wall, facing the commander head on.

 

“ _You won't like what I have to offer, you may die.”_

 

Ontari shrugged, knowing if she refused she would die anyway. _“Give it to me heda.”_

 

–

 

Clarke pulled at her jacket, ripping it off and throwing it to the floor. Ontari's knife clanging on the floor but hidden by her jacket. Her skin feeling as if it were on fire as she pulled off her boots, leaving them on a rug of her 'cell'. The cell itself was an actual room, a room with table and chairs, a bed. Books in shelves, multicolored candles burning and a large window with curtains. If this was Lexa's idea of a cell, then her first cell must be the grounder equivalent of an animal's cage.

 

She huffed at the thought, knowing Ontari would be in that cell until her execution the next day. She'd be cold and damp in that cell only to be pulled in the sun to die, the thought made her stop. The sting of tears forming in her eyes but she shook her head. It was her own fault that Ontari was doomed to die, it was her fault that she'd gone to Ton DC the same day Lexa had. Her faults would be paid for in blood by an innocent person.

 

A knock on her door pulled her from her mind, the door opening a moment later and a young, pale woman slipping in through the narrow opening she was given. Her black hair pulled back, ponytail full of braids as her smile was warm and inviting when she padded towards Clarke with a plate of food in one hand, a change of clothes in the other.

 

“Heda asked that I bring you these, a bath will also be provided to you shortly.” Her voice as warm as her smile was but Clarke just nodded at the woman. Not watching her as she set the clothes and food on the table before taking a step back. Bowing to her then leaving through the door once more but Clarke ignored the offered food. Instead falling onto the bed to drown in her thoughts.

 

–

 

The horse ran hard, covering ground like a champion but it was far from one of the greatest horses Polis had to offer. It was older, graying around its nearly black muzzle but Ontari couldn't care less. It was taking her to her destination, it was her ticket to freedom. A freedom she intended to make the best of as she slowed the horse at a cross roads. The sun setting behind her as she sat there a moment, taking in its last warm glows before night fell.

 

But the moment was shattered by an arrow whistling through the air and piercing her arm, sinking deep into her flesh until the head came through the opposite side. She grunted in pain but stayed on the horse, her blood dripping onto her leg before a second arrow clipped the same arm and a war cry filled the air. A warrior breaking from the treeline with a sword in his hand, reaching her before she had a chance to dismount. Dragging her down then delivering a hard blow to her ribs with a clenched fist around the hilt of his sword.

 

Pain exploded through her body as he struck her again, this time in the jaw. Knocking her to the dirt as he slashed at her with his sword but she dodged him. Kicking him in the stomach but he stayed on his feet unfazed by her blow as he kicked at her side. His boot then slamming into her chest, knocking the air from her lungs and driving the arrow through her arm deeper until it snapped against the earth.

 

“ _Heda sends her regards,”_ he spat before his boot struck the side of her head. Knocking her unconscious in the dirt but he stood over her a moment as her eyes rolled into the back of her head. Looking down at her through the eye holes in his mask before shaking his head. Mounting her horse and riding away as quickly as he'd appeared, leaving Ontari in the middle of the cross roads broken and bruised.

 

–

 

Clarke ran her fingertips over the spines of the books on the shelves, she'd seen books before. She'd had them on the Ark and in the mountain but she never expected to find them here. The spines worn but smooth beneath her fingers until she pulled one free, opening it carefully. The words slightly faded but still legible as she sat back on the floor. Reading the title on the first page with a frown, _Secrets and Lies,_ she expected the book to be about just that but it wasn't. It read more like a list of rules, rules that meant nothing to her as she closed it and pushed it back into the shelf. The door beside her opening slowly.

 

The handmaiden she'd come to learn as Evangeline slipping through with a plate of food but frowning at finding the last plate untouched. “You should eat.”

 

“Not hungry,” Clarke stood and approached the woman. Taking in the warm glow from the candles on her black hair before Evangeline turned to face her. “The idea of being the commander's prisoner is much more important to me right now than eating.”

 

“You need to keep your strength up _wanheda_ ,” she switched out the plates but stayed in the room. Her brown eyes scanning Clarke. “Heda would wish it so.”

 

“Well heda can go fuck herself,” Clarke muttered harshly. “And don't call me by that title.. if you want to call me something, then call me Clarke.”

 

“My apologies.. Clarke,” Evangeline spoke the name gently but speaking the name as Lexa would. Emphasizing the k and it annoyed her. “Eat.”

 

“No.”

 

“I will not leave until you do so, it is my duty to ensure you are taking care of yourself. Heda has ordered it.”

 

“She wished it but now she orders it, lovely.”

 

“Heda asks for all of her guests to be well fed and strong.”

 

“I'm a guest now? Feels more like a prisoner.”

 

“Her words not mine,” Evangeline let slip, her tone casual as she walked back towards the door. Opening it but holding out the plate to be taken away before closing the door once more. “I will stay until you decide to eat.”

 

“You'll be here all night then,” Clarke told her. Leaning against the stone windowsill. Taking in the setting sun and its golden rays that shone against the far ocean to the treetops below the tower. _The ocean view must be why this room is called the blue room,_ she thought to herself.

 

“If I must.”

 

“Whatever..” Clarke stayed in her spot well into the night until her eyes began to droop closed. The handmaiden still in the room but sitting in a leather chair near the window. Her eyes on Clarke at all times as if studying her with the intention to recite her features back to another. It felt odd but Clarke pushed it from her mind, ignoring the handmaiden.

 

“You should sleep Clarke,” Evangeline rose from her seat gently. Her hand on Clarke's arm but she jerked herself out of the touch. Rising herself only to fall back into the bed with a sigh.

 

–

 

A white hot blade passed before her blurred vision but she bit back her scream at the searing pain that followed. The heat suddenly leaving her skin as cold replaced it, cold biting and controlling. Unforgiving as it dug into her every pore, seeping into her bones like she'd known it to do once before. The voices around her just as cold but none she recognized as she felt a fur being laid over her body. Yet it did nothing to keep the cold away.

 

It only made her feel colder, her body not strong enough to give off heat beneath it as she shivered. Wishing for that hot blade to press into her again, wishing to be surrounded entirely by fire but only cold came to her.

 

“ _Will she survive?”_ A rough voice asked standing over her as if being directed at her but she closed her eyes. Squeezing them shut as she shivered violently despite feeling a drop of sweat slide down the side of her face.

 

“ _Only time will tell, she was severely beaten, bruised ribs, perhaps even broken and covered in bruises. Her nose was broken as well but I believe that to be an old injury. I took the time to reset it and cauterize the arrow wound.”_ Another voice replied, softer and warmer than the first. The voice of a loving woman, a gentle woman and Ontari wished she could speak. Wished she had the strength to move and thank her but she couldn't.

 

She could only lie there at death's door.

 

–

 

Clarke stayed in her bed the next morning, running her fingers through the soft furs she laid on. Her thumb rubbing over the hilt of Ontari's knife as she ignored Evangeline. The handmaiden leaving with the plate of food from the night before only to return with another and reclaim her seat by the window. Clarke didn't want to think about what would happen at noon, she didn't want to think of Ontari dying alone surrounded by a city. She didn't want to think about Lexa's sword when she drew it back covered in Ontari's blood.

 

“There will be a festival today,” Evangeline spoke quietly, breaking the silence. Her eyes on Clarke but when she didn't respond, the woman stood. Crossing to the bed and sitting down gently on the edge. “Heda has given you permission to leave the room if you so desire but a guard will accompany you to ensure that-”

 

“That I don't escape?” She scoffed, “like a dog on a leash.”

 

“Speaking of a dog..” Evangeline began with a shake of her head, glancing at Clarke then returning her gaze to a spot across the room. “There is a dog who will not leave the tower doors, fights when guards attempt to make him leave. Returns when he is grabbed and thrown out.”

 

“And why are you telling me this?”

 

“I thought maybe-”

 

“That he was mine? He isn't.. well he followed me from a village but he isn't mine, I don't even know his name.”

 

“Obe, the guard captain, has been calling him Zero.” She chuckled to herself at the name, “for what reason I am unsure but I think it is because he spends too much time learning of the world before the war.”

 

“And I have no idea why you're telling me this.” Clarke grumbled and Evangeline sighed, rising from her seat and leaving the room. Clarke got up herself when she was sure the woman was gone, grabbing a piece of dried meat from the plate and chewing slowly. The flavors exploding on her tongue as she crossed to the window despite her better judgment. Scanning the city below and finding a break in the trees.

 

What appeared to be a stage standing out among green and dotted with people. Some moving, others not but a post in the center of a circle. The sight of it made her sick to her stomach as she jerked backward from the window. The door opening behind her and dog nails clicking against the floor excitedly. Heavy panting and a body of fur colliding with Clarke's legs.

 

“He sure seems excited to see you,” spoke a voice that didn't belong to Evangeline but to Lexa. The commander standing near the open door with a hint of a smile on her lips before Clarke faced her. The smile fading at the scowl she was given.

 

“I don't want to see you,” Clarke spat, kneeling beside the dog as he licked the side of her face happily. “Besides.. don't you have an innocent person to kill today?” The knife just inside of her jacket sleeve shifted, reminding her it was still there.

 

“Clarke, I have something to tell you.”

 

“No, leave, go away, I don't want to see you.”

 

“This is important,” she fell quiet and closed the open doors behind her then crossed the room, closer to Clarke as the blonde stood. Gripping the edge of the sleeve to keep the knife from falling out, “its about Ontari.”

 

“What about her? Decided to move up her execution?”

 

“Shes gone,” Lexa simply stated, her eyes searching Clarke's.

 

“Gone? What do you mean gone? What did you do with her?”

 

“I gave her a task.” She licked her lips, scanning the room as if to give herself a moment to think about what she was going to say before her eyes returned to Clarke's. “You asked me what would it take for her to be free and this is it. Should she return she will prove herself to be as utterly loyal as you say she is and free of her crimes.”

 

“You should already know how loyal she is..” She murmured with a shake of her head, “And how impossible is her task exactly?”

 

“She is strong, she will make it if it is what she wants to do.” She clenched her jaw then relaxed, her lips parting before she continued. “You are free to roam the city but there will be guards with you should you decide to do so. Evangeline is under orders to listen to only you and I, as are your guards but only if-”

 

“If its reasonable? So they won't take me out of the city if I ask right?” Clarke scoffed, “I'm a prisoner, not a guest.”

 

“You-”

 

“No,” Clarke all but shouted, stepping closer to Lexa but the commander held her ground this time. “Just go Lexa, leave me alone.”

 

“Of course..” Lexa murmured and took a step back. Leaving the room but Evangeline returned a moment later with a smile at the sight of the dog next to Clarke.

 

“He is happy now,” she stated closing the door. “But I'm afraid Obe will be quite heartbroken at this turn of events.”

 

“I'm sure Obe will survive, I wish to be alone.” She felt herself relax in the wake of Lexa's departure and moved back to the bed with the dog on her heels. The dog letting out a hopeful whine as he eyed the bed before Clarke patted the spot beside her. The dog happily joining her and laying his head on her lap. “Now Evangeline.”

 

“ _Sha_ Clarke but only because I can see that you've eaten something.” Evangeline narrowed her eyes and Clarke wondered if Evangeline was this way with Lexa. If she was strong beneath the green eyed gaze of her heda but a part of her doubted she was. Lexa was strong with all but Clarke herself. “I will return in the evening.”

 

“Don't,” Clarke spat at the retreating figure. Grateful to finally be alone as the door closed behind the handmaiden. The room falling silent but the sound of the festival in the city below her wafting in through the window. She huffed but stood, pulling on her boots, pushing the knife into its hiding spot against her ankle before crossing to the door and pulling one door open. The guard on the other side nearly jumping out of his skin as he turned to face her wide eyed.

 

“ _Wanheda_?” His hand dropped to his sword, his blue eyes focused and trying to convey himself as a threat through his mask but it did nothing to bother Clarke. She could take him should he even try.

 

“The festival today.. where is it taking place?”

 

“In the western portion of the city.”

 

“So would the other areas of the city be empty and quiet?”

 

“ _Sha_ -” he paused, “yes one would believe so.”

 

“Take me there, I'm tired of being in this room.” The guard nodded, taking lead as the guard opposite Clarke fell into step behind her and the dog. The front guard leading her through the halls of the tower to a lift but Clarke felt uneasy about stepping into it and she hesitated. The metal flooring creaking under the first guard's weight.

 

“We have seen many summers since the last accident on the lift _wanheda_ , it is safe.”

 

“That isn't exactly comforting and don't call me that, call me Clarke.” She stepped onto the lift cautiously, clenching her fists as the dog followed and second guard followed her in. The man closest to her ringing a bell and the lift moving down with a lurch.

 

“It is disrespectful to do so, _heda_ will have our hearts if we disrespect the legendary _wanheda_.” He explained as they rode down.

 

“How would you feel if I constantly called you guardsman?” Clarke frowned up at him.

 

“You don't know our names, therefore it would not bother us.”

 

“But you know my name, yet you say it is disrespect to call me anything other than.. that title.” She grumbled and the guard shrugged, “what is your names?”

 

“I am Silver, he is Tor.” Silver gestured to the second guard but the man merely grunted at her through his mask. “Tor has little to say you see.”

 

“Yeah.. now, Silver.. call me Clarke. We're equals, I am no more than you are.”

 

“But heda-”

 

“But nothing about her, besides.. aren't you being disrespectful by even speaking to me like you are?” She asked him and Tor turned his head towards her, giving her a curt nod. “See, even Tor agrees with me.”

 

“Fine.. Clarke.” He huffed and she was sure if she could see his face, she'd find him rolling his eyes but her attention was pulled from him as the lift slowed. Coming to what she assumed to be the bottom floor. Silver stepped off the lift first and she was happy to follow him, happy to be off the metal death trap. The guard leading her past another set of masked men and out onto the street, the sun shining almost at its highest peak. She ignored it as Silver lead her away from the sounds of the festival to the west. To a quieter part of the city, the streets nearly empty.

 

“What is the festival for Silver?”

 

“It is to mark the day the coalition was formed.”

 

“I see..” she murmured to herself, the guards seemingly unaware of her talking to herself as they passed beneath a tree growing through cracked concrete on the street corner. Its roots growing around an ancient bench that had managed to survive the fallout. She made a beeline for it, the guard's jerking to follow her but standing on either side of the bench as she sat. The dog at her feet.

 

“Clarke.. we are still close to the west.” Silver commented and he was right, she could still hear it. She could hear the excited voices from the city people but she remained in her seat. Maybe hearing the happiness that the people felt would lift her own spirits.

 

“We will stay,” she hung her head and shifted in her seat. Feeling her notebook still in her back pocket that she moved to pull out. Only Silver turning his head to watch her as she flipped it open only to stop on her half finished drawing of Ontari. The pencil still stuck at the page but she sucked in a breath at the picture.

 

It was one of her last memories of Ontari, one of the last peaceful memories.

 

–

 

The heat of the fire burned beside her but she felt it burn as if on her skin. Burning through her like knives slicing her to ribbons but she was grateful for it. She was grateful to not feel the sting of cold any longer. She was grateful to be able to sit up on her makeshift bed, hair sticking to her damp skin but she was alive. Each breath as painful as the last as the healer passed between her and the fire.

 

“ _Is she well enough to ride?”_ The masked man asked on the opposite side of the fire pit. Ontari didn't recognize him, she couldn't through his mask but she knew he was azgeda. His clothing white and black, marking him as such. He must have been the one who found her at the crossroads. “ _We have a schedule to make.”_

 

“ _She has just woken and you wish to take her away? Branwada!”_ The healer snapped at him and the man rose to his feet. Standing over her menacingly but the woman held her ground, a short blade in her hand as the door next to them opened yet neither faced the newest arrival. Only Ontari did, she met the light gray eyes of the warrior in the doorway.

 

The warrior who placed a hand on the azgeda warrior's chest, shoving him backwards into his seat with a look of indifference. The man made no move to fight her as the tension in the hut calmed, the healer sheathing her knife in her belt.

 

“ _She cannot travel until the fever breaks, she will die should you try to move her now.”_ The healer explained and Ontari opened her mouth to reply, wanting to fight for herself despite the sweat rolling down the side of her face and back. Her heart thundering in her chest despite being calm, her vision blurring every so often as if she were in dire need of sleep.

 

“ _How long? How long until she can travel.”_ He asked again, quieter under the gray eyed warriors cold stare.

 

“ _When it breaks.. but for that to happen, she must rest.”_ The healer explained, her light brown eyes filled with the glow of the fire beside her as she looked Ontari over. “ _Rest princess, rest and you will be able to continue on with your journey.”_

 

“ _Rest is for the weak.”_ Ontari replied, the gray eyed warrior turning her head to study her then rolling her eyes at her comment.

 

“ _And you are weak enough already, do you wish to die?”_

 

_No, not yet at least,_ she thought to herself but lied back into her bed. Staring up at the wooden pillars that held the ceiling of the hut up.

 

–

 

Ontari in Clarke's mind came to life on the page, appearing just the way she remembered her. The curve of her shoulders gentle despite the scars and kill marks that marred her skin. Half hidden by her hair that fell smoothly. Clarke couldn't help drawing out her memories of the woman beneath the first drawing, filling the page with a sketch of her hand. With the scar down her chest and her lips curved into a half smile with her eyes closed in sleep.

 

She sighed but stopped, closing the book with the pencil tucked firmly inside as the cities people began to return home. The sun set in the distance but she stayed, letting the city absorb her and letting herself absorb the city in return. The people passing her as if she were just another of its citizens, even the children keeping to themselves but her guards seemed to shift closer to her.

 

Silver standing directly behind her as the city began to quiet, night falling and torches being lit by its people. Lighting up the streets in orange glows and the guards on either side of her seemed to melt into the darkness that lingered. The air around her chilling but she felt warm enough in her jacket to remain outside a moment longer.

 

“Do you love her?” Silver suddenly asked, breaking the silence and she looked up at him in confusion. “The one you were drawing.”

 

“I..” she paused, turning her gaze from him but finding the tower in the distance. The fire burning bright on top as many of its windows were lit by torches and candles. The light from one window blown out as she rested her hands in her lap. Thumb smoothing over the notebook as she considered his question. She cared deeply for Ontari, she was her friend, she had helped her sleep through the terrorizing memories that filled her dreams but she didn't love her. “No, I don't but I do care for her.”

 

“She is good at that..” the guard trailed off in a murmur and Clarke nodded at the words left unspoken. That Ontari had more allies in the city than she'd realized.

 

“Take me back to the tower,” Silver nodded and moved to stand in front of Clarke once more as she rose to her feet. Pocketing her notebook as he lead the way, Tor following just behind her as the dog walked alongside her. Their return quiet, almost as quiet as when they left during the day. The streets nearly as quiet aside from a dog barking loudly.

 

The tower rose rapidly before her as they approached, the flame disappearing from her view as they passed through the doors. A different set of guards nodding to Silver as they climbed onto the lift, the guard ringing the bell once more and it began to go up until stopping at her floor. The ride felt less intimating than the first, the walk to her room slower and colder as her room itself was dark. The candles long since blown out but she didn't mind as she crawled into her bed. Not bothering to remove her boots as she fell asleep.

 

Her dreams were filled with haunting shadows, voices of the dead in her ears until a bark pulled her into the present. Her room filled with a golden light but a shadow created by a person standing in the center, away from her bed. Evangeline's warm smile appearing on her lips as she stepped up to the bed, dressed differently this time. Her dress from the day before replaced by a long, sleeveless shirt, pants that reminded Clarke of Lexa's and black boots that stopped at her ankles

 

“What do you want Evangeline?” She asked groggily, her voice raspy. “Its too early for me to deal with you.”

 

“Heda wishes that I give you a tour of Polis.”

 

“Can it wait?”

 

“I'm afraid not, the city is most beautiful at dawn's break.”

 

–

 

Ontari grew restless in the hut, her fever had already broken but the healer kept her there. Still tended to her wounds under the icy glare of the warrior who seemed to live with her. Her captor had moved himself to a different hut and Ontari was fine with that. She was happy to be out from under his hard glares.

 

“ _How much longer healer?”_ She asked the woman as she knelt beside her on the furs. Her brunette braids pushed behind her ear as she unwrapped the cloth over Ontari's ribs. Her fingers pressing softly against the heavily bruised skin. “ _I need to know.”_

 

“ _Soon.”_

 

“ _How soon?”_

 

“ _Today.”_

 

“ _Where is my captor?”_

 

“ _Gone hunting,”_ the healer rewrapped her ribs then stood. Meeting Ontari's eyes, “ _you wish to flee from him?”_

 

“ _Not sure yet,”_ she lied and the healer nodded. “ _But.. I need to know, who are you great healer? Who is the one who saved me from the brink of death?”_

 

“ _Nadira.”_

 

“ _And her? Your guard dog.”_

 

“ _She is Alta,”_ Nadira turned away. Missing the color drain from Ontari's already pale face at the warrior's glare but she swallowed thickly, this was the same one who saved Clarke. Who trained Clarke to survive the pits in Otta, she was one that Ontari owed thanks to.

 

“ _Alta..”_

 

“ _She doesn't talk much.”_

 

“ _So I've heard.. but, I have thanks to give to her.”_

 

“ _And why is that?”_

 

“ _For saving Clarke, for helping her.. both of you I assume.”_ Ontari licked her lips as Alta stood, the fire light in her eyes. Illuminating the scars on her face, “ _thank you, Alta kom trikru.”_

 

“ _Clarke lives?”_ The warrior asked with an almost hopeful gleam in her eye.

 

“ _She lives and breathes as I do. She is a great warrior, one to be admired and that is all thanks to you.”_

 

“ _No.. her strength came from within herself and herself alone.”_ Alta sat back down, clasping her hands together with the hint of a smile on her lips.

 

–

 

The cold bit at the exposed skin of her hands. The wind loud in her ears as melting snowflakes caught in the fur of her hood. Her mother's army camp rising before her as she rode between rows of tents housing her army but dismounting before the largest. The guards at its entrance pulling the flaps aside as she approached, her captor ahead of her but she bowed her head as she walked.

 

She slowed as she approached and with a deep breath then a careful wince lowered herself to one knee beneath her mother's throne and cold gaze. Ontari was sure that if she looked up, her icy eyes would be filled to the brim in careful distrust at the sight of her own daughter bowed before her. On her knee and one hand raised, palm up to signify her loyalty and her desire for forgiveness to the ice throne and to its wielder.

 

“ _I have returned.. mother.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How many hours did I spend staring at that one scene?? All of the hours! Also.. if anybody wants to drop by my tumblr and maybe give me some pointers, I'd greatly appreciate it. I'd probably love you actually.
> 
> ChooChooDuckChu is my tumblr url.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify this isn't a fix it fic

“ _So little Ontari has finally come to her senses and returned to her one true family.”_ A gruff voice answered first but Ontari kept her head down. Waiting for her mother to speak before acknowledging her brother.

 

“ _Leave her be Roan, even you betrayed me when you were young.”_ Nia scolded him and he fell quiet as she rose from her throne. Approaching her daughter but pausing before touching her. “ _The commander wouldn't have let you go so easily.. what did you do to get yourself here.”_

 

“ _I was imprisoned under accusations of betrayal nomon but I escaped, none can hold me. None can imprison I, the heir to the ice throne.”_

 

“ _Heir..”_ Nia hummed a moment in amusement, her hand poised inches above her daughter's. Poised to accept her proclamation of loyalty and to accept her desire for forgiveness but she held back. Ontari held her breath, waiting for something, anything. “ _A traitorous heir but an heir all the same.”_

 

“ _I ask for your forgiveness nomon, I made a grave mistake and I have learned from it. I wish to return to my position at your side, preparing myself to rule upon your death but long may you reign nomon. Long may you reign.”_ She spoke the words carefully, conveying her mock truth as best she could. Waiting with bated breath for fingers to either drag along her own or for someone to kill her for her lies.

 

“ _You betrayed me.”_

 

“ _A mistake I wish to rectify,”_ she dared not raise her head and meet her mother's eyes but she let her eyes meet her mother's boots. Clean, shining boots that had stomped many into the earth. Crushed many rebellions like her own and in a way she felt like she was betraying those who had died for her. Her own rebellion that she'd allowed to be left bleeding in the cold snow outside of Ontre. “ _A mistake that I will rectify.”_

 

“ _Look at me,”_ Nia commanded and she rose her head in obedience. Meeting her mother's icy, unreadable gaze, her lips pressed together in a hard line. Ontari absorbed in her mother's stoic stance, her hand still poised above her own as her brother stood next to her. His dark hair braided over his shoulders and blue eyes filled with unease. “ _Do not make me regret this decision Ontari.”_

 

“ _You will not nomon,”_ she dropped her head once more in respect and felt her mother's fingers slip down over her palm and her own fingers. Smooth and cold across her skin as her boots disappeared from Ontari's view. But she rose to her feet, wincing with a sharp intake of breath at the pain from her side.

 

“ _You're hurt.”_

 

“ _Yes.. I was attacked by someone loyal to the commander during my escape. Left for dead in the road but..”_ she glanced at her captor. The man standing stark still to the side, his hands behind his back but still masked. “ _He found me, took me to a healer then brought me here.”_

 

“ _He is a bounty hunter nomon,”_ Roan finally spoke as he approached the man. Gripping his arm tightly, “ _he wants nothing more than a reward for her return.”_

 

“ _Silence Roan, I will be the judge of that!”_ Nia snapped at him, glaring at her son before she approached the bounty hunter. “ _Remove your mask and state your name.”_

 

“ _Bones,”_ he state gruffly as he removed his mark and pulled back his hood. Revealing a man with intense dark blue eyes that never faltered as he met Nia's glare. His short dirty blonde hair cut close to his head and a scar following his jaw, slightly hidden by his thin, blonde beard.

 

“ _Bones.. and where do you come from, who is your clan?”_

 

“ _Bones kom floukru but I was exiled on the grounds of attempted murder.”_

 

“ _And how did you fail Bones?”_

 

“ _Too young to hold my sword properly.”_

 

“ _And now?”_

 

“ _I could show you but your kid over there will become the next queen too soon.”_ He replied confidently and Nia laughed, throwing a quick glance at Ontari then back to Bones.

 

“ _I think I like you Bones, stick around and maybe I'll give you something to do.”_

 

“ _I stay where the money is.”_

 

–

 

Clarke squinted in the bright sunlight but tugged at her clothes. Her skin tingling where it rubbed against the unfamiliar of it. It wasn't her own but made by the tailors in the city, fitting her better. Tighter in some places, looser in others but not as warm. Evangeline ahead of her seemed oblivious of Clarke's obvious discomfort.

 

“The training rings are ahead of us, built into the dips of earth.” She explained, extending her hand ahead of her, pointing to the earth that suddenly disappeared ahead of them. The sound of weapons clashing together and grunts loud as Evangeline suddenly halted at the edge. Clarke closing in behind her but her jaw dropped at what she found.

 

Rows of seats carved into the earth before them as a path ran between the seats ahead of them. Leading all the way down to the smooth earth of the pit where a large man dueled a small woman. A woman smaller than Clarke but she moved with absolute finesse, darting beneath his arm that swung a training weapon at her head. A smile playing at her lips as she quickly defeated him, kicking in his knees, gripping a gloved hand in his black braids and holding her training short sword to his throat.

 

“When the city was built, these pits were found and our first commander had them built as the execution grounds but as time progressed. The city eventually swallowed the pits but they were kept nonetheless as training grounds.” She explained as the woman in the ring looked up at them, her small hand waving in greeting before another man entered. The two beginning to fight as Evangeline turned away.

 

“You seem to know a lot about the city.”

 

“I was first an apprentice to a historian but when our current commander came into power. I was given to her as a gift.”

 

“So you're a slave?”

 

“No, far from it.. I was happy to serve _heda_ but sometimes I do miss the books and scrolls.” She sighed and Clarke nodded, “enough about that though. Come, we'll head for the stables next.”

 

“Lovely..”

 

–

 

Ontari hissed in pain as the army healer touched her ribs, his hands rough and cold. She wanted nothing more than to hit him until he left her but she kept still. The man was under orders from her mother to look her over and if it helped get her back in Nia's good graces then she would deal. She would deal until she knew exactly what her mother was up to, why she had her army at the border.

 

“ _You will fight another day,”_ he grunted as he stood and she dropped her shirt. Grateful as the man left her tent to see to someone else but a moment later Bones passed through the flap. His dark eyes gleaming in indifference as he sat down opposite her on the furs. The small fire burning between them and she thought he'd come to speak to her but he held his tongue.

 

“ _Bounty hunter is what you said you were?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _How did you find me?”_

 

“ _I was riding for another village and saw you in the road, I recognized you as her kid.”_

 

“ _Are you sure about that Bones?”_

 

“ _As sure as I was about you being hers.”_ He replied, his tone indifferent as he reached up and scratched at his thin beard. “ _Do you doubt me? Your mother seemed to believe me quite easily enough.”_

 

“ _My mother wouldn't show it if she doubted you.”_ Just like she wouldn't show it if she doubted her own daughter and that was why she was in her tent with the bounty hunter. Not at Nia's side, not with her during her meeting with her general's but she already knew it was an important meeting. “ _You were paid, why are you still here.”_

 

“ _I go where the money goes.”_

 

“ _There is nothing more for you here.”_

 

“ _And I go where the money goes,”_ he met her gaze and Ontari paused a moment before nodding in understanding. She was the money, he got paid to go where she goes but it wasn't by her mother's hand. It was by someone else entirely and who Ontari could guess blindfolded. The commander paying a bounty hunter was something new but he was also a fail safe should she prove to be a traitor to the commander.

 

“ _I see..”_ she nodded and he grunted in response before he laid back against the furs beneath him. “ _So..”_

 

He raised his hand and pointed towards the entrance of the tent. Towards the shadow that shifted and she shut her mouth immediately, wondering when she'd gone so far as to not be aware of their approach. She moved as Bones did, rising to her feet but he gestured for her to sit as he pulled back the leather. Reaching out quickly and grabbing the listener, yanking them inside. Their body colliding with the furs as they snapped up to stare at Bones.

 

“ _What are you doing, who for and who are you,”_ he growled holding them down with a hand at their throat as he searched them for weapons but finding none. “ _Answer or die.”_

 

“ _The queen sent me,”_ they stammered out and Ontari shifted closer to them. Pulling down their hood but finding a young girl. Blonde braids pulled tightly behind her ears as she stared up at Bones with wide, fear filled icy blue eyes. “ _She told me to see to the princess, but that I belong to the queen until we return to Ontre.”_

 

“ _She intends to return?”_

 

“ _Sha princess, soon.”_ She explained and Bones released her, sitting back from the girl. “ _The bear wakes from his slumber at your return.”_

 

Ontari stared at her in confusion, she had heard that the bear had died in the initial slaughter of the rebellion. Even when she went to the pits, spoken with her warriors. They had all reported his death in the field but this girl seemed to be telling her that he was alive. The girl who reminded her of the bear himself.

 

“ _The bear was skinned and lays at mother's feet.”_ She replied carefully.

 

“ _The bear merely sleeps.”_ The girl sat up, not meeting Bones confused eyes but focusing on Ontari. “ _Ingstad breathes, the bear sleeps, the dead are gone but the living are hungry.”_

 

“ _What does she mean?”_ Bones asked with a glare but Ontari shook her head at him. Not wanting to answer him and potentially destroy what could possibly be her rebellion's next uprising. An uprising that would be nipped in the bud and fail again should Nia catch wind of it. An uprising that only stood a chance if the commander was involved.

 

“ _She means nothing Bones.. she speaks of ghosts that still prey on the living is all.”_ She sat back against the furs gently, letting out a breath at a twinge of pain but the girl nodded. Turning to leave but Bones grabbed her again. “ _Leave her be Bones.”_

 

“ _No,”_ he gripped her tightly the girl struggling to escape him but he held firm. “W _hat is your name child?”_

 

“ _My name is..”_ she paused, glancing at Ontari as if for permission but she looked away without receiving it. As if deciding she was the one in control of her life, not anyone else. The act of it made Ontari smile, despite being in the presence of Bones and herself, she held a rebel spirit. “ _I am Siga kom azgeda.”_

 

“ _Siga, you tread a dangerous path.”_ He nodded slowly, “ _long may you fight child.”_

 

“ _I am no child, I am a warrior.”_ She pulled away as his grip loosened, escaping them through the flap quickly. Her running footsteps nearly quiet in the grass outside and Bones smiled for the first time since Ontari had met him.

 

“ _She is strong.”_

 

“ _She comes from strong blood.”_

 

–

 

The men at the stables greeted Clarke with cautious smiles, their smiles transforming into full blown grins at Evangeline and Clarke wondered what else this woman was. The way she seemed to know everyone in Polis felt odd but she wasn't going to outright question it as the woman lead her through the stables. The horses poking their heads out into the aisles as she passed but she stopped at a sand colored horse.

 

“We came to the stables for you to visit your horse?” Clarke frowned at Evangeline's nod, the woman smoothing a lock of black hair down the horse's face gently. “I can't believe this..”

 

“Don't be so judgmental Clarke, you have your dog and I have my horse.”

 

“I wouldn't pause a tour for a horse.”

 

“So you're enjoying your tour then?” She asked with a grin, patting the horse's neck before backing away with a sigh. “Come along then and we'll continue.”

 

“Or we could just go back to the tower.” The dog whined at her side as if in agreement but the horse Evangeline had wanted to see stomped its foot at him, its dark eyes focused solely on him. “I'm tired anyway, and hungry. You want me to eat don't you?”

 

“I do but we don't have to return to the tower for that.” She lead the way from the stable, waving goodbye to the men as they left. Passing rings of horses as they walked, the sound of the city growing louder the further they walked. The woman lead her straight down a side path away from the busy wide streets of Polis to an open building. Stone pillars holding the roof up but it stood without walls, allowing anyone to walk in from the streets. “We will eat here.”

 

“Here?” She eyed the tables and chairs spread out across the floor and the man with his back facing her behind the bar in the corner.

 

“Yes, sit,” Evangeline pointed to a table and Clarke sat cautiously. Feeling the wooden chair shift under her weight but it didn't break. She rested her arms on the table but watched the people around her. The ones who didn't meet her gaze quickly became her favorites, she watched them until Evangeline returned. Setting a plate of steaming fish and vegetables before her, “now you eat.”

 

“And if I'm not hungry anymore?” Clarke eyed Evangeline as the woman sat opposite her with her own plate of food.

 

“You cannot lie to me Clarke, you have barely eaten since you arrived here. Now eat,” she nudged the plate closer. “Eat it is good, I promise you it is some of the best in the city.”

 

“And how do I know you aren't trying to poison me?”

 

“Why would I Clarke? I am loyal to _heda_ and _heda_ asks that I am loyal to you.” She shook her head but reached out with a crudely shaped metal fork from her own plate. Stealing one of the vegetables and taking a bite, chewing methodically slow to get her point across that the food was fine then swallowing. “See it is fine, I am alive, now you eat before you die of starvation in the streets. _Heda_ would never forgive me if I allowed that to happen.”

 

“And what if I don't eat?”

 

Evangeline sighed in exasperation, “why do you fight Polis so much Clarke? You could be happy here, you could live peacefully here under _heda's_ protection but yet you fight it. You don't allow yourself to relax and live life when you should.” She paused, resting her fork against her plate. “There are worse places you could be.”

 

“And I have been to those places,” Clarke murmured because Evangeline was right. She could not be in Polis at all, she could be in Arle, the ice pits of Otta or even the cell there in Polis.

 

She could be back inside the mountain, back inside with the bodies of those she'd slain.

 

–

 

The clouds overhead promised snow but the azgeda army moved in formation regardless. The spacing between each warrior precise but weapons sheathed. The sound of their generals calling out orders echoing across the massive fields they worked in and Ontari wondered if Nia was being serious about military drills. The drills that she herself was trained in and her muscles itched in anticipation as each order was called out but she kept still.

 

Nia beside her stood proud with an equally proud smile at her army as they moved but she looked over at Ontari. Taking in her rebel daughter before turning her eyes back to the army.

 

“ _How long has it been since we fought side by side dear,”_ she asked suddenly and Ontari shrugged at her. Unwilling to look over at her in fear that her mother could read her mind and sometimes it seemed as if she could. As if she heard every thought in her mind.

 

“ _Since Suoh first chose me if my memory serves me nomon,”_ she bit her lip at her own bird's name. She hadn't seen him since that day with Clarke and she missed him. She missed them both, “ _a long time.”_

 

“ _We will have to remedy that won't we?”_

 

“ _There is no war, we have no enemies.”_

 

“ _Wrong.. we have enemies, we will always have enemies. They may not appear today or the next but we will always have enemies.”_ She lifted her hand but paused before letting it rest on Ontari's shoulder gently. “ _Enemies will appear where we least expect them..”_

 

“ _As will allies.”_

 

“ _We, the azgeda, have no need for allies. We are one nation, one power and everyone else is our enemy, you'll do well to remember that. You'll do well to remember that only your family are the ones you can trust.”_ She paused and frowned, “ _you cannot trust the commander. She will betray you.. she did betray you. She imprisoned you and almost had you killed.”_

 

“ _But I survived and so here I am nomon.”_

 

“ _And for that I am grateful.”_ Her frowned faded into another smile, this one darker than the last. No hint of pride but one of a darkness that promised only death to all that received it. “ _We will return to Ontre soon.”_

 

“ _I have missed home.”_

 

“ _And you shall see it soon my dear but for now you should rest.”_

 

“ _Yes nomon.”_

 

–

 

Evangeline continued to lead her through the city, leading her through a marketplace that smelled of fresh food but also of farm animals. The people speaking loudly in trigedasleng over their heads as children play fought in alleyways with toy weapons. She tried to listen to Evangeline but she was failing. Only catching snatches of information as her eyes fell on a certain building, one that Evangeline seemed to overlook.

 

“Evangeline wait,” Clarke touched her arm with her fingertips then pointed to the building. “What is that place?”

 

“That is..” she paused as if struggling for her words before suddenly continuing. “Tattoos.. I have never been a big on them myself and it is beyond my knowledge Clarke.”

 

“I see, let's just keep going then.” Clarke dropped her hand away but glanced at the building one more time. Catching a glimpse of the inside through the wide open door, her eyes finding the bare back of a man bent over a woman's arm. The image of it in her mind brought forth a memory, one of Ontari sleepily proclaiming that she would get one if Clarke drew her one but also that the azgeda were not big on them. “You don't have one then?”

 

“No,” Evangeline replied curtly. Leading her down a alleyway that sudden opened into another wide street that descended. “I am not big on them like I said.”

 

“Where do you come from then? What clan were you born in?”

 

“Azgeda.. my mother was a..” she bit her lip as they walked, “I'm not sure of the word in English but she was paid for sex. Men and women alike paid for her services but when she made enough to leave the azgeda, she did. By then she had me, she didn't know who my father was and I don't think she cared. She only cared about getting out of Troi, one of the smaller ice cities and when we left, we came to Polis. The city was under a different commander's rule but he allowed us to stay nonetheless, my mother died here but I stayed. Became a historians apprentice until what I do now.”

 

“I see.”

 

“And you Clarke? Do you have any tattoos?”

 

“No but they are beautiful from what I have seen.”

 

“Polis is the best place to get one should you so desire, any artist from the twelve clans would be happy to paint it onto your skin.”

 

“Maybe I'll consider it.” She fell quiet, retreating into her thoughts as the sound of their footsteps echoed off the walls around them and she could only guess that they were in a more residential area. The buildings felt more homey than in other parts of the city, the air itself felt different. Fresher, perhaps even saltier with a hint of something flowery. “Where are you taking me?”

 

“To the docks, but there are other shops along the way. Flowers and even a few candle vendors, fish vendors on the docks themselves.”

 

“The city is big,” and it really was. Clarke felt as though she'd been walking all day but it was only closing in on midday. The sun shifting to hit its peak above them and she was sure that if she were to turn around. She'd find the tower in the distance but she kept her eyes on the path before her. Determined not to trip over her own feet on a loose rock but as they turned a corner. She froze, a fresh breeze washing over her. Pushing her blonde hair over her shoulder as the ocean lapped at stone and wooden docks.

 

“Come along Clarke,” Evangeline called out ahead of her. Standing just in front of a shop with flowers in its open windows, one hand in her pocket and the other on her hip. “We have more to see, no time to linger.”

 

“Yeah yeah..” Clarke muttered but caught up, scanning the flowers a moment yet none of them were recognizable. She knew only Ontari would be able to explain them to her, give her their names and from where they came from but she pushed the thought away. Coming to a halt as the ground leveled out, the stone beneath her feet damp from ocean spray and a boat rocking before her. “How are they powered?”

 

“Some by wind, it fills the sails and pushes it along but then others are powered by the sun. Most trade boats are powered by the sun, gets them where they need to be on time. While leisure boats and fishing boats use sails.” She explained, pointing to a boat that didn't contain towering shafts of wood and rope. “There are other ports along the coast, smaller than Polis' but just as important.”

 

“And this port.. it follows the curve of the coast?”

 

“Yes, all the way to the old world fort out there.” She pointed to a crumbling building in the distance, “it is abandoned. Too far gone to be of use to us.”

 

“Okay, let's move on then.”

 

“The water does not interest you?”

 

“It is beautiful but you said there was more of the city to see.”

 

“Ah, so you do like my tour then!”

 

Clarke shrugged at her and the woman let out a laugh.

 

–

 

The fire popped and sizzled beside her, casting shadows all around her tent as snow fell outside. The air growing colder despite the heat and her ribs aching as she sat up. Bones opposite her remaining asleep but jerking awake at the sound of hooves growing closer and closer. His dark eyes meeting Ontari's before he slipped out, leaving her alone and wishing she could follow him. But she laid back, resting her head on a rolled up fur. Listening to the people dismounting their horses then more silence. The time passing painstakingly slow before the man returned. Shaking snowflakes off of his clothes and resuming his spot on the ground.

 

“ _Well?”_

 

“ _We return to Ontre at dawn.”_

 

“ _Why? What did you hear?”_

 

“ _Nothing that you need to know.”_ He grumbled, closing his eyes and Ontari rolled her eyes but settled in for the night. Falling asleep embarrassingly fast only to reawaken at the sound of the camp moving despite it only feeling like she'd slept for an hour. Bones already missing from the tent and the fire dead as she left. Shrugging on her heavy coat and wincing at the pain it caused but the camp moved around her. Men stepping around her as she made her way for her mother's tent, stepping inside but only finding Roan near the throne.

 

“ _Good, you are awake. Mother wishes for us to ride with her ahead of the army to Ontre.”_

 

“ _When.”_

 

“ _Soon, you know her, she doesn't like to waste time.”_

 

“ _I am ready to return home.”_

 

“ _As am I little sister, now come on. Let's go get you your horse so we don't keep her waiting.”_ He smiled at her as he approached, resting a hand atop her head. “ _Someone will dismantle your tent for you and I believe that bounty hunter is already with mother.”_

 

“ _He is a strange one.”_

 

“ _He is smart, he knows where power lies and will remain nearby.”_ He dropped his hand and began to walk away, throwing her a cocky smile as she followed him back out into the cold. Following close behind him in his shadow as he parted the working warriors with a mere glare. Leading her to the makeshift stables where their mother already sat on her white horse. The beast chomping at the bit as her hawk on her shoulder let out a loud, impatient, piercing cry.

 

“ _You wake just in time Ontari,”_ her mother gestured to a woman near her foot and the warrior nodded in understanding. Passing before the horse to another, one that Ontari recognized as the warrior lead him over. A horse she'd ridden before she'd left the north, his steel gray ears perked forward. “ _Your brother requested that I keep him safe for you.”_

 

“ _Thank you nomon,”_ she rested her hand on his black nose before turning to look at her brother where he sat on a black horse near the bounty hunter. “ _And thank you brother.”_

 

“ _I would have ridden him myself but he bit me.”_

 

“ _And perhaps you deserved it,”_ she teased, mounting him with a grunt. Her arm around her middle and pain radiating from her ribs but she met Nia's gaze nonetheless. Nodding that she was okay to go on but Nia kept her eyes on her, studying her a moment before turning her head. Pushing her own horse into a walk and beginning the ride to Ontre.

 

–

 

“ _Heda,”_ Titus wasted no time in addressing her the moment she walked through the doors and into her throne room. Her boots silent against the long, red carpet that lead up towards the throne as she turned. Picking up her coat tail then taking her seat, _“we've received word from our scouts near the border.”_

 

“ _Shes leaving.”_ Lexa stated rather matter of factly, it wasn't news to her. She knew Nia would leave the moment she had Ontari in her sights, she would pull her from the borders and deeper into azgeda territory. She would ensure that if her daughter was nothing but a traitor, that she would die before escaping and returning to the commander.

 

“ _Sha heda, legions of her army with her but some remain. Running drills as they were the day before, the princess and prince are with her.”_ He paused, his eyes guarded as he clasped his hands before him. The material of his clothing shifting together almost quietly and the sun gleamed off his bald head. Tattoos standing proudly against his light skin and she knew what he was waiting for. She knew he was waiting for her next command but she had none.

 

There were no commands to be given as they were falling into a waiting game, a game she was willing to play if it paid off in her favor. Whether it be with information given by Ontari or with the death of a queen, ending the potential threat of war and breaking the peace she'd worked so hard for. The peace that her people had died for, that Costia.. she blinked. Pushing the thought away, “ _anything else Titus?”_

 

“ _Wanheda was seen in the city alongside Evangeline.”_ He spoke the name with a edge to his tone, the handmaiden was one he disliked with a passion. The little woman often known for teasing him relentlessly about his hairless head but Lexa had little time to deal with her. At least if she was with Clarke then she was leaving him be and that Clarke was safe.

 

“ _And how is she, how is wanheda, how does she seem to be settling in Titus.”_ She picked at the arm of throne, giving herself the appearance of disinterest despite Titus being aware of why Clarke was allowed to stay in Polis. He'd voiced his opinions on the matter, voiced them until blonde was in the throne room and even still.

 

He knew she was a weakness that Lexa couldn't afford.

 

Yet he was unaware of Ontari as a second weakness with her extensive knowledge about what happened before the fall of the mountain.

 

“ _Well enough it seems but you will have to speak with Evangeline for anything further. The girl kept losing your assigned tail through her little tour..”_

 

“ _I see, bring her to me.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

–

 

Clarke groaned aloud, dropping onto a bench despite Evangeline pushing ahead. Her feet burned in the boots that she wasn't accustomed to, the knife rubbing against her bare ankle painfully. They'd managed to walk the entirety of Polis, from the tower to the docks then looping around towards the front gates. Trade and public use alike, passing by the place where the festival had taken place then by a school just as it had let out. Children without warriors spilling out into the streets, some curiously watching Clarke as they continued on.

 

Evangeline paused down the street but jogged back to Clarke, taking the seat next to her. Her arm thrown over the back of the bench. “Have I tired you out?”

 

“You have, can we go back to the tower now?”

 

“Perhaps but let's just sit here a moment. Enjoy the sunset,” she gestured to the street they'd come up from. The sun shining just over the tops of buildings and Clarke had to admit it was absolutely beautiful, an amazing sight. “Do you love Polis yet?”

 

“I don't know, it is beautiful and all that but..”

 

“But what?”

 

“I don't think I could ever see it as home,” she admitted truthfully. During the tour she'd begun to feel comfortable with it, she'd begun to recognize street corners during the loop around and trigedasleng felt less foreign in her ears but it wasn't home. She'd also begun to realize exactly what Lexa had been striving to protect when she abandoned her at the mountain.

 

“It will take time Clarke, give it a chance.”

 

“Sure,” she muttered as a set of guards approached them. None she recognized but Evangeline seemed to, her brown eyes scanning them as they came to a halt.

 

“ _Heda demands your audience Evangeline,”_ the one closest to her spoke. His hand tightening around the spear his hand and the woman nodded. Casting a glance at Clarke then back to the guards.

 

“ _And what of wanheda?”_

 

“ _Heda didn't mention her.”_

 

“ _I see,”_ she turned back to Clarke, “heda wishes to see me. Now is your chance to return to the tower if you wish to.”

 

“I do, I want these boots off my feet.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just decided to take off from canon at the end of s2 but with elements of canon s3


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day!

Wind whipped snow all round them, the cold trying to sink in through their coats but failing as snowflakes stuck to the fur of their hoods. Their horses walked carefully through the snow that had built over the day, their feet barely meeting the road beneath but the city grew in the distance. Dark and haunting as they approached, no sun in the sky to light the path. Only torches burned in the hands of the royal guards on either side of the group.

 

Ontari knew if they took too long to reach the city that they would get caught in a blizzard, caught on a road with no shelter for miles all around but it was the cities best defense. The land stretched for miles on all sides of the city void of trees or even hills. Buildings that had once stood outside had been dismantled, taken into the city to build homes for its citizens. The few who chose to live in the city were not common folk, they held power. Men and women who could get things done, who Nia held in high regard.

 

She let out a breath as they rode, the puff of white taken by the harsh wind that washed over her. Shivers drove through her but she stiffened when a boot brushed her own and she turned her head. Finding her mother riding close to her, her icy gaze dark as she leaned closer. No doubt intending to be heard despite the howling wind.

 

“ _This is where your rebellion died,”_ she spoke loud enough to be heard by Ontari only. Her lips twisting into a dark smile, _“I left their bodies to freeze in the ice. I left their souls within their bodies, trapped forever on this earth and when it was all over.. the wolves came out from their dens. Devouring their bodies until only bones remained, their teeth stained red in the blood of your failure. And should you attempt another.. your blood will stain their teeth as well. Your soul will be left on this very field to walk among the ghosts of the slain.”_ Her gloved hand rested atop Ontari's, squeezing her fingers lightly. “ _I have heard from the common folk that the ghosts of the dead walk the fields, searching for their bodies to release their souls to the gods above but they always fail. They will always fail just as you will fail if you betray me again.”_

 

“ _I will not betray you nomon,”_ she replied through clenched teeth. Her body tense despite the pain in her ribs. A surge of angry heat pulsing through her veins to her fingertips but she resisted the urge to grab the knife from her mother's belt. Resisted the urge to drive it through her throat and leave her body in the very same field her rebellion died in. To battle the ghosts that remained on her own and she tightened her grip on her reins. Meeting her mother's piercing gaze, “ _I have seen the error of my ways.”_

 

“ _I am sure you have.”_ Her mother pulled her horse away, kicking him to pick up speed and the party moved to follow her. The guards struggling to keep pace with her as Ontari pushed her own horse faster, wishing to be off the field and away from the eyes of the ghosts that remained. The physical pain she felt as they approached the city gates didn't come close to the pain she felt in her heart. Tears stinging at her eyes but she blinked them away as the walls of Ontre stood tall before her.

 

The gates opened slowly, chips of ice falling away and snow falling in clumps as the group rode in. The wind dropping as hooves crunched in snow and ice along the streets but when they came to a halt they were greeted by two generals of the azgeda army. Their hands clasped behind their backs as their hoods covered their heads, boots dusted over in ice but they marched forward as Nia dismounted her horse. Bowing their heads in greeting as they awaited her orders but she ignored them. Instead walking the short distance to the steps of an old cathedral.

 

Ontari dismounted her own horse slowly, allowing herself to just slip to the ground. Pushing her face into his mane as the pain ebbed away, waiting a moment then following her mother alongside her brother. Taking the steps carefully and passing beneath thick stone arches as the heavy wooden doors opened and burning candles met her gaze that sat on wrought iron stands. The iron black and different from the iron she'd seen in Polis, not a single speck of rust on them as she followed her mother up towards her throne. High ranking officials stood up from their wooden seats with their heads bowed. Hands clasped before them in respect to the ice queen.

 

Nia climbed the steps to her throne slowly, her steps echoing through the building loudly. Her boots scrapping against the stone underfoot as she turned, taking her seat and crossing her legs. Her hands resting lightly on the arms of the throne and Ontari wondered how her mother managed to sit on a stone throne as long as she did throughout her days. But as she sat down, the people before her looked up. Awaiting permission to reclaim their own seats but Nia said nothing. Only turning her gaze to Ontari herself then Roan as they came to a stop on either side of the throne.

 

“ _Sit,”_ her voice commanded. Echoing through the cathedral and Ontari caught one of the men in the front row jump at her command before taking his seat. The others around him obeying her demand as she laced her fingers together, elbows resting on the arms. “ _Today is a day of celebration..”_ she turned her eyes to Ontari, scanning her quickly before continuing. “ _Princess Ontari kom azgeda has returned to her one true family, reclaiming her position as heir to the ice throne.”_

 

The crowd kept quiet, hanging on her words. Waiting for her to continue with bated breath.

 

“ _She asked for my forgiveness in the camps to the south and I have given it to her,”_ Nia looked to her again then back to the people before her. _“She was betrayed by the commander, ordered to be executed but she escaped her. Returned to her one true family and now I wish for you to assist me in accepting her return to our glorious Ontre.”_

 

The crowd before them rose to their feet, their fists in the air and the sound of the azgeda war cry erupting all around them. Filling the air in a surge of power that shook Ontari to her core, a sting of fear piercing her heart despite them being of her own blood.

 

The power of the azgeda did and always would terrify her.

 

–

 

“ _Tell me of wanheda,”_ Lexa commanded as she played with the dagger in her hand. Holding it firmly in one hand as she ran her finger along the sharp edge on the opposite side. Not minding the slight sting as the blade threatened to slice into her skin. She lifted her eyes from the blade, meeting Evangeline's brown eyes. The handmaiden standing before her between two guards, her lips threatening to twitch into a smile as she pushed her hands into her pockets.

 

“ _She seems to enjoy the city a little more heda, showed interest in your people's artists and their work. She ate from its food vendors, even looked at the flowers near the docks but I may have gone too far. She complained of her feet hurting from her boots.”_ She finished with a light laugh, shifting her weight and meeting Lexa's gaze head on. Holding eye contact as if she didn't feel Lexa's power surge through the air and Lexa cocked her head. Stabbing her blade into the arm of her throne, leaving it to stand alone as she stood. Her coat tail falling to her ankles as she descended the steps.

 

“ _I was informed that you continuously left your tail behind, losing them in the alleys of Polis. Why.”_

 

“ _I gave wanheda the opportunity to enjoy Polis without the presence of your guards, forgive me for wanting to give her the best tour that I could possibly manage.”_ She replied as Lexa came to a halt before her, her eyes shifting downward as she stood taller than Lexa. Even in her heeled boots the commander stood below her. Just as Clarke did. “ _A tour she enjoyed,”_ she reminded Lexa.

 

Lexa nodded curtly, passing by the handmaiden but not before speaking once more. “ _Continue to assist her, I will call you should I require you.”_

 

“ _Sha heda,”_ the woman replied quietly as Lexa left the throne room. Following the curve of the hallway with a guard behind her but she slowed as she passed Clarke's door. The guards at her door not daring to meet her gaze as she came to a halt, letting her eyes scan over the faded gold doorknob. The curve that seemed to fit anyone's hand but she pressed on. Walking further to her own room, pushing open her doors and closing them quickly as she let the darkness swallow her.

 

Hiding her as she took in a deep, calming breath. Pushing away the desire to return to Clarke's room and speak with her. To learn from her specifically how she felt about Polis and its people but she turned from her door, unclasping her heavy coat. Pulling it off and draping it across the brown leather chair before her as the curtains across her window billowed in the breeze. She crossed to the window, resting her gloved hands on the rough stone as the door opened behind her. A light filling her room as light footsteps lit candles behind her until the person left.

 

And despite the warm light, she still felt shrouded in cold darkness.

 

–

 

Clarke stripped off her clothes but she still felt the heavy dampness of sweat on her skin from walking the city all day. Sweat that clung to the skin on the back of her neck and back but she pulled her hair up. Twisting it into a bun and holding it up with a black, plastic clasp from the old world, surprised to find it still able to hold up her blonde locks. She groaned aloud as cool air washed over her but she jumped up as her door opened. Evangeline slipping into her room quietly as other handmaidens wandered in, filling the bathtub against the wall.

 

“I thought you may want a bath after your day in the city, dinner will also be served to you soon but I will ask if you wish to dine in the dining room with heda or here in your room.”

 

“Here.. I don't want to see her.”

 

“Of course,” the woman gestured to the other women to leave the room as they finished filling the tub with water. “Come, before the water gets any colder.”

 

“I can bathe myself Evangeline,” Clarke stood and crossed the room. Her arms crossed over her chest and Evangeline nodded. “I'll call you when I'm done if it'll make you leave this room faster.”

 

“Sha Clarke,” she ducked out quickly. Leaving Clarke alone to strip off the rest of her clothing, leaving it in a pile next to the bathtub before she slipped into the lukewarm water. Letting out a soft sigh as she lowered herself fully, the water lapping at the scars on her back. She was grateful the water wasn't cold, she knew it would bother her scars. Cause a dull ache across her skin but she rested her back against the cool of the tub nonetheless.

 

Flickering flames from the candles around her reflecting off the surface as she ran her hands over her legs. Not minding the feel of the hair beneath her hands as she slipped them higher up to her chest then resting her arms on the edge of the tub. She pushed herself lower into the tub until her chin rested just above the water line. Her knees protruding above the surface before she finally pulled the clip from her hair. Letting it fall into the water as she dunked her head, washing away sweat and dust before surfacing. Sucking in a breath of fresh air then grabbing soap from the shelf beside her, her first bath in Polis had taught her that the people were adept at soap making. Going as far as to have assorted scents but none interested her more than the scent of vanilla and mint. The smell that clung to her skin throughout the night and day.

 

She loved it.

 

But as she scrubbed at her skin, the door to her room opened and Evangeline slipped in. Her brown eyes meeting blue as she approached the tub, her eyes averted as to not ghost over her bare skin.

 

“What do you want Evangeline?”

 

“Dinner will be served soon but I came to see if you would like for me to wash your hair.”

 

“I can wash it on my own.”

 

“But it feels better when someone else does it,” she replied and Clarke sighed. Nodding slowly and the woman smiled at her, pulling up a stool behind her as Clarke pushed herself back. Determined to hide her scars and avoid questions as the woman settled behind her. Squirting shampoo into her hands that smelled purely of vanilla before scrubbing at her already wet hair and maybe Evangeline had been right.

 

It did feel good when she did it, relaxing even but she kept her arms crossed over her chest. Patiently waiting for her to finish and leave so she could get out of the tub. But her fingers combed through her hair, her nails scrapping against her scalp lightly as she took a cup from somewhere Clarke couldn't see. Dipping the cup into the tub and rinsing her hair thoroughly until it was clean of soap but she remained, running her hands through Clarke's hair. Pulling it free of tangles until they ran smoothly, “there..”

 

“Done now?”

 

“Yes Clarke, I'm done.” She rose from her seat quickly, “I will return in a moment with your dinner.”

 

“Okay,” she waited until the door closed behind before rising from the tub. Grabbing a towel from the shelf beside her and wrapping herself up tightly, letting the water drip from her hair as she moved to her bed. Pulling on underwear beneath her towel from a trunk at the end of her bed, a gift from the commander. A gift she was grateful for as she'd only had the clothes on her back for so long but now she pulled on a soft blue shirt, a shirt that fell to her thighs as she rubbed the towel at her head. Wrapping her hair up tightly as the door opened again.

 

“And she is clean,” Evangeline spoke gently. Setting the plate of the food on the table near the window. “You are comfortable and happy I presume Clarke?”

 

“Surprisingly yes,” she muttered, crossing the room then grabbing the fork off the plate and stabbing it into what she assumed to be a carrot but she paused before eating it. Meeting Evangeline's brown eyes, “I have a question.”

 

“Ask away.”

 

“Where are my weapons? My sword and my bow.”

 

“Your..” Evangeline trailed off, surprise evident in her eyes at Clarke mentioning weapons. As if she expected Clarke to be completely weapon free before entering the city.

 

“Well?”

 

She licked her lips before speaking, “I would presume that your weapons are being kept in the armory.”

 

“Why? Why not give them back to me?”

 

“Only city guards, the personal guards of heda and heda herself are allowed to keep their weapons.” She explained as Clarke bit into the carrot, chewing a moment and nodding curtly before swallowing.

 

“I walked into the city with them, walked around until I got myself captured but you're telling me that only city, personal guards and Lexa keep them.”

 

“It is for the protection of the citizens, I can only assume that the guards failed to spot your weapons when you entered and now I believe they would have been moved to the armory after your capture. They will not be returned to you until you leave the city, permission given by heda of course for them to be returned to you.”

 

“So the citizens are defenseless aside from toy weapons and training weapons.”

 

“Polis is a neutral ground, all of the clans agreed. Even before the coalition for it to remain neutral ground. No war has ever been fought within its walls and never will.” She replied calmly but her brown eyes told a different story. A sharpness present that Clarke had yet to see and she wondered why she was defensive about it all of a sudden.

 

“I see,” she sat down. Continuing to eat her food, chewing slowly and holding Evangeline's gaze as the woman visibly relaxed. “Any other rules you want to give me while you're here?”

 

“No stealing.”

 

“Well there goes tomorrow plans.” Clarke murmured jokingly but Evangeline simply stared at her, not getting the joke.

 

–

 

Clarke woke with the sunrise, rising quietly and dressing in the dim light from the sun. The voices from her dream still echoing in her mind as she left her room, following her still until she was on the city streets. Her guards quiet behind her as she walked in the cool air of morning but she began to weave in and out of alleyways. Following large streets before ducking down a side path, just as Evangeline had done but where the handmaiden had better sense of direction. Clarke merely had the urge to escape her guard and as she ducked down a side path, she slipped into a open door. Allowing herself to melt into the darkness as the guard ran past her spot.

 

She let out a sigh after a moment, the smell of spices strong in the air as she moved to leave but lingered in the doorway. A shaft of golden light stretching across the dirt to her boots as she remained still until something pushed at her back.

 

“ _Move!”_ They shouted in trigedasleng and Clarke jumped away from the doorway. Letting her eyes find the little woman who stood behind her with a basket in her arms. Her gray eyes lit with a tired, annoyed look before she walked off down the alleyway and maybe Clarke deserved her anger. She had been blocking the entrance but she followed the woman. Her boots meeting a suddenly busy street as the dog came trotting up to her but she broke into a jog before he could reach her. Weaving in and out of the people then striking off down a separate alleyway.

 

She ran until her legs burned, her feet stinging in the unfamiliar boots once more but she kept going. Breaking into a sprint once she was on a wide street again, one that curved downward towards the docks as the smell of fresh fish hit her. The docks themselves burst into view as she turned a corner but she kept running, following the stone as it curved along the coast. Running past where Evangeline had pulled her away from the docks but her words echoing in her head.

 

“ _And this port.. it follows the curve of the coast?”_ _She had asked._

 

“ _Yes, all the way to the old world fort out there.”_

 

Her boots pounded against the stone as it suddenly became wood and a boat pulled into the docks ahead of her but she bolted past. The dog running hard at her side as the area around her began to grow quieter until only the sound of her boots were in her ears. Only then did she begin to slow, taking a running jump off of the wood of the docks and over a ditch filled with muddy rainwater. Her boots landing on solid earth as she slowed to a jog in a small grove of trees. The trees falling away to a quiet beach, the water lapping gently at the sand as she slowed to a walk then sat on the beach.

 

She wasn't sure if she was still in the city limits but she didn't care either way. She still had Ontari's knife, still tucked into her boot but more firmly held in a pocket she'd made herself just inside. She probably could have asked for a sheath for it but she didn't want to risk a guard taking it from her. Losing it to them like she had her sword would fill her with a certain sadness that wouldn't be fulfilled until she had it back. It wasn't even hers to lose.

 

But she sighed and shrugged off her jacket, sweat causing her shirt to cling to her back as she laid back against the soft leather. Shielding her from the sand beneath her, determined not to get it all over her body as she knew she'd never be able to fully feel free from it. The dog walked slowly around her, sniffing at the sand then suddenly burying his nose in it before pulling it free. Sneezing loudly before licking at his nose but Clarke shook her head at him.

 

“You're eating sand you know,” she spoke to him and he perked up. His tail beginning to wag before trotting over and sniffing at her hair. His pink tongue swiping across her ear before she jerked away, pushing at him to leave her alone but he kept coming at her. Licking at her ear and cheek before she sat up with a frown. “So gross..” she wiped at her face, wiping away his spit as he cocked his head. “You're cute but not that cute.”

 

She paused, wondering when she'd gone absolutely bat shit insane enough to talk to animals.

 

–

 

“ _Heda the messengers that were sent to Arcadia have returned.”_ Titus announced as he walked into her bedroom, his eyes steeled over and emotionless but Lexa kept her back to him. Strapping her dagger to her thigh then slipping on her coat before turning to him. Leaving it open as she nodded to him, waiting for him to continue with what she knew he'd want to tell her. “ _Are you sure about this heda? Are you sure about offering them a peace treaty? The other clans.. they-”_

 

“ _They will get over it,”_ she clasped her coat together, her fingers nimbly working as they had done for years now. Her eyes meeting Titus', daring him to continue but he kept quiet. His hands clasped before him and he nodded curtly to her. “ _If we are at peace with them then it is one less enemy to worry about should the azgeda choose to attack, it is a stepping stone to more. It will put them on the path to possibly joining the coalition, assisting them to gain the trust of the other clan leaders and maintaining peace.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

“ _There is no longer one enemy to unite against.. but with that loss, we cannot fall back to the way we were before. Mindless killing over land and trade is a thing of the past.”_

 

“ _They will see you as weak.”_

 

“ _Do they not already?”_

 

“ _Heda-”_

 

“ _Quiet.”_ She commanded and he immediately fell silent, bowing his head a moment before looking back up and meeting her eyes. “ _We can be more than..”_ she paused, not wanting to utter the word that came to mind but she sighed in defeat. “ _We can be more than savages and we have come so far since the clans were first formed. Each clan has a capital city, cities that are strong despite being in the shadow of a great war that destroyed the world but we still have far to go. There is so much more out there for us Titus and I mean to find it. If that means making peace with the skaikru then so be it, if that means the other leaders will be angry with me.. then so be it.”_

 

“ _They will come for your head heda, they will try to kill you.”_ He shook his head, “ _this isn't our way and I fear for your life.”_

 

“ _If I die then my spirit will move onto another.”_

 

“ _I would rather it stay with you Lexa,”_ he spoke her name quietly, cautiously but Lexa nodded slowly. Understanding his fears and worries but she tired of the bloodshed. She wanted the future of her people to be a certain one, not one filled with fears of being killed in their home because of a clan war. A war caused by a dispute over a piece of land or even trade routes. War caused by petty arguments that caused the death of innocent but it wouldn't have been the first time. Blood painted their history more than anything else and it was time for it to come to an end.

 

“ _I will do my best to survive but I will not be able to ignore the call when it is my time.”_

 

“ _Sha heda, you-”_ he was cut off by the door to the room opening suddenly. A guard coming to a halt under Lexa's hard glare. But Titus acknowledged him, his eyes narrowed in annoyance. “ _What is it Silver?”_

 

“ _Wanheda has lost her guard, we can't find her anywhere.”_

 

“ _What!?”_ Lexa jerked, suddenly struggling to keep herself calm and the guard jumped but she clenched her hand into a fist. Her jaw clenching as she turned her eyes back to Titus. Finding caution in his eyes but she turned back to Silver. The guard tightly gripping his spear under Lexa's glare. “ _Find Evangeline, she may know where she is.”_

 

“ _Sha heda,”_ the guard darted from the room. The doors closing behind him.

 

“ _Polis is big heda, she may have left the city and be long gone before we manage to search the city entirely.”_

 

“ _Or she is just hiding..”_ she hoped that was the case. Clarke's desire to be left alone for a little while outside of the tower would make sense, away from guards and prying eyes. Left to her own thoughts in a quiet place as Lexa herself often desired.

 

She had an inkling of an idea of where Clarke may be.

 

–

 

Clarke let her eyes drift shut but as she laid there she felt like she was being watched from the tree line behind her. She let out a soft sigh and opened her eyes, finding the dog still lying against her side in a soundless sleep until she moved. Pulling herself up into a sitting position and resting her arms on her thighs. _“Come out whoever you are, I know you're watching me.”_ She called out and something moved behind her.

 

A girl stepped out from behind a tree as Clarke half turned to face her, her small hands resting against the bark of another tree as she inched forward. Her amber eyes filled with caution as she studied Clarke.

 

“ _Come here, I won't hurt you.”_ Clarke spoke gently to her, gesturing her closer and the girl moved. Her boots meeting the sand and digging in as she moved closer but halted. Her eyes drifting towards the dog as a breeze washed over her, her dirty blonde hair lifting and falling over her shoulder. _“Do you want to pet him? He won't hurt you.. come here.”_ Clarke rested her hand on the dog's head and he shifted beneath her as the girl inched closer.

 

“ _What is his name?”_ The girl asked quietly, squatting on the sand and reaching out with one hand but only letting her index finger stroke one of his ears.

 

“ _His name is..”_ Clarke paused, remembering the name that Evangeline had said the guard captain was calling him. _“Zero, his name is Zero.”_

 

“ _Zero is a strange name.”_

 

“ _It wasn't my decision.”_

 

“ _What would you have named if it were?”_ She asked inching closer again, letting her fingers slip down his snout before he yawned and opened his brown eyes. His tail thumping the sand happily at the sight of another person and he rose to his feet then dropped himself at her feet as she sat down with a smile. Her fingers combing through his fur gently.

 

“ _I don't know, not very good at naming anything.. let alone keeping a living, breathing thing alive.”_ She answered truthfully, feeling at ease in the girls presence. Her smile growing as she giggled at Zero licking her fingers.

 

“ _He is nice, not like the other dogs in Polis.”_

 

“ _The other dogs are mean?”_

 

“ _Yes, I have been bitten before.”_ She tugged up the sleeve of her black shirt, revealing a half moon scar that seemed recent. The skin pink before meeting tan but she tugged her sleeve back down. “ _My warrior scolded me for wanting to pet him but.. she still took care of me after.”_ She fell quiet, her amber eyes blinking back tears and Clarke froze at her sudden sadness. “ _She..”_ she swallowed and shook her head but Clarke suddenly understood.

 

“ _Shes gone isn't she, dead.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _I'm sorry.”_

 

“ _Everyone is dead, nomon and nontu are dead, Enid is dead.”_ Zero whined as the girl sniffled, wiping tears from her eyes but her hand returned to Zero's fur. The dog curling up closer to her and resting his head on her knee. Clarke watched them a moment and nodded, turning her blue eyes back out across the water.

 

“ _What is your name?”_

 

“ _Riza kom podakru,”_ she murmured quietly but Clarke paused. She hadn't heard that being spoken since she was last with Alta. The lake people territory not far from the exile village but they had rarely ever crossed into it. Her mentor determined to keep peace with them as they allowed the village to sit on a piece of land that was far more fertile than the podakru wished to admit. She remembered it being mentioned around a fire one evening but she turned her attention back to Riza.

 

She found the girl rising to her feet slowly, “ _I must go but.. who are you?”_

 

“ _Clarke.. my name is Clarke.”_

 

“ _Skaikru, wanheda.”_ She spoke it cautiously, wiping her hands on her pants and meeting Clarke's eyes respectfully. Making her wonder just how far the skaikru name and even wanheda managed to travel.

 

“ _I guess so.”_

 

“ _Maybe we will see each other again Clarke kom skaikru.”_

 

“ _Maybe so Riza kom podakru.”_

 

She darted off quickly and the land around Clarke fell quiet once more, Zero staring off after the girl a moment before lying back down with a sigh. The two sitting quietly as the sun shone above them, the water lapping at the shore the only thing to be heard. No birds chirped in the woods behind them, no fish broke the surface of the water but boots meeting sand behind her caught her attention.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa's voice came clearly across the expanse of the beach but she didn't face her. Instead wondering how she'd been found so quickly and easily as the commander walked towards her. Suddenly appearing at her side before she sat down cautiously a short distance from her, only Zero between them as he slept on.

 

“What do you want Lexa?” She looked over at her, her coat tail crumbled beneath her as her arms rested on top of her knees. Slightly hunched over and her boot heels digging into the sand. It was different from how she'd seen the commander before. Her body tense like she was completely out of her element on a beach, standing out in all black against the faded yellow sand. “I think I'm still in the city, so I haven't disobeyed you.”

 

“You are in the city but this beach marks a border.” She explained without looking at her, her fingers stretching then grasping at her ankles as she leaned over further. The action didn't seem controlled, it was loose and relaxed as her body began to visibly relax. Her chest rising and falling in a deep breath as her eyes closed.

 

“Why are you here Lexa?” Clarke leaned back, propping herself up on her hand. Waiting for Lexa to explain herself but the commander kept her mouth shut. Just letting the breeze from the water wash over her as she took several more deep breaths and Clarke nodded in understanding. She was there for the very same reason she was. She just needed a little time alone and Clarke was fine to give it to her but she stayed in her spot.

 

Maybe they could share the alone time just this one time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constantly seeing Clarke's hair in such a state made me want a hair washing scene so.. that happened.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a short note, this chapter features characters from a different show because why not. I thought they would work well in the show's universe. Some names are spelled differently because again, why not? Points if you recognize them but still much love to you if you don't.

Clarke studied the commander. Drinking in the way she sat on the sand, her boots digging in a little deeper as the water met her boot tips. The tide was rising but she didn't seem bothered by it, she seemed more at ease on that beach than Clarke had ever seen her. Granted they hadn't spent much time alone at all. Whenever they did it seemed to just go utterly wrong but now as they sat, Clarke relaxed. Allowing herself to lie back against her jacket, closing her eyes and letting out a soft sigh.

 

She could hear Lexa shift next to her and when she opened one eye to watch her, the brunette stripping off her coat. Dropping it on the sand behind her as she sat back down, her hair spilling over her shoulders at the movement and maybe for a second Clarke found her beautiful. A second quickly forgotten as she closed her eye, stretching out her legs. The silence stretching on but Clarke opened her eyes again.

 

Glancing over at Lexa and finding the sleeves of her shirt pushed up to her elbow, her hair swept back down her back. The idea of forgiving her for what she'd done at the mountain came to mind, pushing to her immediate thoughts but she ignored it. She wasn't ready to acknowledge it, she wasn't ready to consider it. But she understood why she'd done and she could accept that.

 

“They said you lost your guard,” Lexa murmured. Her eyes narrowing in the light breeze that washed over her. Her green eyes daring to meet blue a moment then looking back out over the water. “Titus said you might have left the city but..”

 

“I didn't, it didn't even cross my mind.” Clarke sat up, wiping sand from her hand. “I can't.. you still have my weapons.”

 

“I was told they were moved to the armory when they brought you to the tower.” She looked back over at her, studying her with a softness in her eyes that Clarke hadn't seen since they kissed. A kiss that felt years in the past despite it being months. “I didn't know you had a sword until the man who brought you in told me. How did you-”

 

“How did I get it?” She shook her head, “it was just a byproduct of surviving.”

 

“I see.” She pulled her dagger free from the sheath at her thigh, turning it over in her hand. “I can't return it to you until you leave the city.”

 

“And who knows when I will be allowed to leave the city right?” Clarke clenched her jaw and looked away from the commander. “Let me go.”

 

Lexa nodded slowly, “the skaikru are coming to Polis and in hopes of getting a peace treaty.. I will allow you to leave with them. Outside of these walls you'll be free to do as you please, you can leave them and go into hiding again or even stay with them. That is up to you Clarke.” She sheathed her dagger again and stood, grabbing her coat from the sand then slipped it back on. Walking up the beach slowly.

 

“I didn't go into hiding exactly..” Clarke murmured, half hoping Lexa wouldn't hear her. Hoping she wouldn't turn back and listen to her. Hoping she'd continue on her way through the trees but her hopes were dashed as the commander halted. The sound of her boots in the sand strangely loud as she walked back towards her but stood there. Not choosing to sit down near her again.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“Nothing,” Clarke got to her feet and grabbed her jacket. Shaking it free of sand but draping it over her arm. Meeting Lexa's gaze as curiosity flickered a moment until it was replaced by understanding and she nodded calmly. She was grateful that the commander wasn't going to push her to give a complete answer but Clarke still met her eyes. Studying her and waiting for something, anything to happen but the woman before her kept quiet. Returning her gaze patiently until Clarke moved, walking up the beach then turning back to Lexa when she realized she wasn't following. “Come on, I'm sure your guards are freaking out about you being gone.”

 

“Titus more likely,” she replied, seeming to fight the smile that twitched at her lips as she followed Clarke up. Following her back through the trees to the wood docks, Clarke jumping across the ditch first and Lexa following a moment later. Their walk back to inner Polis quiet, only their boots against the wood beneath them and boats rocking in the choppy water could be heard. Clouds gathering in the distance over the water and Clarke knew it would rain that night, maybe even storm.

 

She breathed in slowly, the air around them turning humid and Clarke wondered how Lexa could walk around in her heavy coat without turning into a human pool of sweat. How she didn't even smell bad as the wooden dock became stone, their path curving as they walked a road leading closer into the heart of the city. Guards that had been searching for them suddenly appearing but they paused as Lexa raised her hand at them. Giving them a silent command but they still fell into step behind them, following all the way to the tower.

 

As they walked, Clarke realized she hadn't felt angry yet. She hadn't felt betrayed yet, she'd felt nothing almost. And maybe she was a little further in her forgiveness than she'd realized but she kept her walls high. Keeping a distance between them as they walked, the people in the streets before them stepping aside to allow them passage unhindered. Their eyes careful and watchful at their _heda_ and _wanheda_ walking the streets.

 

The tower rose before them quickly and Lexa took the lead inside. Her boots quiet against the floor as she stepped onto the lift, her green eyes emotionless as Clarke stepped on beside her. The metal box moving quickly but where Lexa kept herself from looking at Clarke. Clarke chose to look at her, drinking in the stoic, careful commander. With a deep breath she opened her mouth, “I-”

 

The lift came to a stop and Lexa was looking at her. Waiting for her to continue but Clarke shook her head. Swallowing the words that sat on the tip of her tongue, wondering when she'd allowed her heart to speak rather than hold the silence of her head.

 

–

 

Ontari wandered her mother's home silently, following stone hallways caked in ice and snow but the air still felt mildly warm. Warm enough for her to walk without her heavy coat, her thin jacket the only barrier between her and the cold. She squeezed at the leather covering her ribs as she turned a corner, meeting an open portion of the hallway. Stone pillars rising and fallen walls on her left, the floor beneath her boots dusted over in snow that managed to make its way there. The earth outside completely covered in snow and ice but bushes still managed to grow. Blooming ice roses that managed to stand out in a light shade of blue against the white around them. Some darker than others but she looked away as footsteps echoed in the hallway opposite her.

 

“ _Ontari?”_ Roan crossed the snow dusted floor, his dark hair hidden by his black, fur lined hood. Snowflakes and flecks of ice sticking to the material until he brushed it back, tugging down the high throat of his coat. “ _What are you doing up and about? Shouldn't you be resting?”_

 

“ _I got bored,”_ and it was at least half a truth. She had gotten bored, deciding to walk the home in her mother's absence. Hoping to find something that would tell her what Nia's plans were but so far she'd found nothing. Nothing that could take back to the commander.

 

“ _Laying in bed all day can be,”_ he chuckled with a smile and she returned it. Watching him as he suddenly walked out into the courtyard before them. Crossing to the bushes and plucking a rose that was darker than the others. His footsteps crunching in the snow as he returned, holding it out to her. “ _I suppose you haven't seen any of these up close since you left, so here.. but don't tell nomon.”_

 

“ _She prefers the lighter ones anyway.”_ She accepted the rose but where she expected all around dark blue, she found that the rose grew lighter the closer it got to the center until it was nearly white. It was a variation she'd never seen before, new and different but she considered it simply to be a mutation. She looked back up at him, “ _thank you brother.”_

 

He nodded, “ _welcome home little sister.”_

 

“ _Home..”_ she murmured to herself. Turning her gaze back out to the courtyard and not feeling the same as she once had. The feeling of safety and comfort were gone from this place. It wasn't her home anymore, not after what she'd found far to the south. In the south where it was warm and the sun shone brightly, holding it tightly in its embrace until night fell. “ _It is good to be home,”_ she lied carefully.

 

“ _And you know if you are bored.. you can always accompany me to Otta or even the training grounds of new recruits. I'm sure either of them would soothe your boredom and maybe it'll boost our people's moral.”_

 

“ _Why would they need a boost?”_ She asked but he merely shrugged, keeping something from her and she narrowed her eyes. Pursing her lips and reaching out to touch his arm, the material cold and damp beneath her bare hands. “ _Why Roan.”_

 

“ _Its not my place to tell you Ontari.”_

 

“ _We're family, we trust one another but you seem to have fallen out of that trust.”_

 

“ _I..”_ he paused and shook his head, stepping closer to her then pulling her into a hug. “ _War is on the horizon sister and nomon is forcing more to join the armies. If they disobey they are killed on the spot and left to freeze in the ice. Ambassadors from other clans come and go far more than I do on hunting trips.”_ He whispered, his hands careful of Ontari's ribs as he squeezed her lightly. _“I have truly missed you sister.”_ He spoke louder.

 

“ _And I you brother,”_ she squeezed him in return. Thankful that he'd told her what she needed to know but she wasn't sure if it was enough for her to attempt an escape. She still had no idea why her armies had been at the borders, she didn't know why some were still there but she had the inkling of an idea.

 

–

 

Rain fell outside her window and thunder roared in the distance, the storm growing closer as Zero at her feet let out a quiet whine. His ears flat against his head and tail tucked tightly around his legs but Clarke pet him gently. Trying to reassure him as the wind blew in damp and cool against her bare skin, the candles nearest the windows blowing out but she made no move to relight them. Simply letting herself melt into the darkness that spread over her.

 

Moments passed and she stepped away from the window, walking into the candle light near her bed but she stopped before sitting down. Listening to the footsteps out her door then those doors opening and Evangeline met her gaze with a small smile. A plate of food in one hand as she closed the doors with the other.

 

“Dinner is served Clarke.” She crossed the room carefully and held it out to her, waiting patiently for her to take it. “I hear you will be leaving us soon.”

 

“Yes,” she accepted the plate and sat down on the bed. Setting it on top of her thighs, “and I'm sure you'll miss me.” She knew her sarcastic comment wouldn't be understood and the woman above her merely smiled.

 

“You will be free again.”

 

“Free as I return to another prison.” She smoothed her thumb over the rough edge of the plate, wishing she hadn't said it. Hadn't insinuated that her people would imprison her but yet it felt that way entirely. She knew the moment she was back inside those walls that she would feel them suffocate her, squeeze the last breath of freedom from her lungs and smother her restless spirit. A pained spirit that desired the freedom to run should she need it but she knew it wouldn't be by her people that her spirit would be crushed. It would be by her herself.

 

“What do you mean?” Evangeline narrowed her eyes, cocking her head in curious concern.

 

“Nothing.”

 

“You don't have to stay with them Clarke, there is a big world beyond Polis walls. There is room for you to do as you please and from what I've heard.. no wall stands to keep you from the other side.” Her voice filled with genuine worry as she sat down next to Clarke on the bed, resting a hand over hers.

 

“And what have you heard of me? Not much I'd guess since you were surprised that I had a sword.” She hoped to change the subject, to get Evangeline talking and maybe hear her own legends. Even if she despised them but it meant a change in the conversation all the same.

 

“Before you came to the city I had known little.. but after spending time with others in the city. I learned quite a bit more, I learned that you are a champion of Otta. One of the men I was speaking to had seen you fight and..” she shook her head and chuckled. “That man sounded as if he'd never seen something more beautiful and awe inspiring in his life. While another spoke of a battle that seemed to crush a part of your spirit but also that you won anyway. That you pulled yourself together and killed the beast, that the ice queen seemed prepared to kill you herself after you won.”

 

Clarke nodded, picking up her fork and digging into her food. Gesturing for Evangeline to continue but the woman shrugged.

 

“They only spoke of your time in Otta, that after you defeated the creature. The queen had your sword forged with your titles etched into the blade but then you were sent on your way. Sent away with an exile that I once knew.”

 

“You knew her?” Clarke asked between bites of food.

 

“Sha, I was in the city when our heda punished her but couldn't find it in herself to kill her. Deciding to just exile her, forcing her from the city while she still bled. Blood dripping from the cuts on her body but I thought she had died out there. Died before reaching the exile village but maybe someone helped her. Gave her the strength to continue or perhaps the gods decided to spare her then gave her the opportunity to redeem herself with you.”

 

Clarke swallowed, “she killed her brother.”

 

“Yes but why, I don't know.”

 

“No one knows.”

 

–

 

“ _Ontari.”_

 

“ _Sha nomon,”_ Ontari looked over at her mother. Taking in where she sat with her back to the massive fireplace behind them. The stone heads of long since passed creatures staring down at them as shadows from the flames flickered over them. Casting the overall picture of her mother into one that would terrify those outside of their family but for Ontari it was normal. She'd grown up seeing her mother cast in such a light and even now as she looked at her. A churning hatred filling her and she still found it normal.

 

“ _How do you feel?”_

 

“ _Better nomon.”_ And that was the truth, she'd woken that day with less pain in her body than she'd expected. The bruising on her ribs seeming to fade more than the day before but she knew she was far from being better.

 

“ _I see.. I have received word that the commander is preparing to garner a peace treaty with the skaikru. Possibly hoping to one day allow them into the coalition.”_ Ontari clenched her jaw, wondering how Nia knew about that. She'd heard it herself from the commander once but she'd spoken of it as if it were some far off dream.

 

“ _And what would you like for me to do nomon?”_

 

“ _Kill them.”_

 

Ontari sucked in a sharp breath and began to choke on her own spit before clearing her throat under her mother's gaze. _“What?”_

 

“ _You heard me, I want you kill them, all of them, every single last one of them. I want their blood to paint their dirt streets. I want them to bleed, I want them to regret ever choosing to fall from the sky.”_ She paused, studying her intently as Roan opposite her studied her as well. “ _Consider it a chance to regain my trust.”_

 

Ontari sucked in another shaky breath and nodded curtly, “ _I'll do it nomon.”_

 

“ _Good, general Lagetha has already prepared a force of her own choosing and she will accompany you.”_

 

“ _Lagetha?”_ It was a new name to her, someone she immediately knew she'd be unable to trust. Someone who was completely under Nia's thumb and the idea of it made her cringe inwardly. She would have no chance to disobey her mother under this new general's eyes.

 

She would have to kill all of the skaikru, she wouldn't be able to deny her mother's orders.

 

“ _Yes, in your absence she joined my armies and has proven to be quite the formidable fighter and leader. I think you will enjoy her company.”_ Her lips twisted in a humorless smile as she shifted her gaze to Roan then back to Ontari. “ _You leave at dawn.”_

 

“ _Sha nomon.”_

 

–

 

Pacing her room didn't make her feel any better, it didn't calm the anxious energy she felt in her limbs. The knife in her boot rubbing against her skin reminded her that she was safe, that no one would hurt her. That even if they tried, she'd be able to fight back but she froze at the voices that echoed down the hallway. Approaching her room rapidly then the doors swinging open, the guards parting but she let out a sigh of relief at it only being Lexa. The commander in her armor but free of warpaint, dagger strapped to her thigh.

 

“Your people are here.”

 

“And you have a treaty to work out.”

 

“The treaty is done, its simple. We don't attack them as long as they don't attack us, they are free to use our trade routes. To come into Polis so long as they obey its laws, it is the same as if they'd be in the coalition with a few exceptions.”

 

“Which are?”

 

“Not all twelve clans will recognize the treaty.. if they manage to upset those who do not.. then-”

 

“Then my people die.”

 

“Yes..” Lexa pursed her lips then glanced at the guards behind her, nodding curtly and one of them left the doorway. Disappearing around the corner, “this treaty is a start Clarke. A possible start to something new and better.”

 

“And a possible death sentence to eleven clans instead of twelve.” She turned away from Lexa, looking out through the window instead of her green eyes. Absorbing her last chance to witness such a view in the afternoon sun.

 

“nine,” Lexa replied, “nine clans.”

 

“Because that number is so much better..” but she still wondered what other clans had accepted the treaty. Who else felt the same as Lexa but she didn't get the chance to ask as footsteps approached her door again. Yet she kept herself turned away.

 

“Abby kom skaikru.” Lexa spoke the name carefully but still with an air of authority. The name that settled on Clarke's ears but she still didn't dare to turn and face her. Her heart thundered in her chest as footsteps approached her from behind, a quiet sigh that she recognized all to well as her mothers. “You may go whenever you are ready Clarke.” With that Lexa was gone, the doors closing behind her but Clarke wished she had stayed.

 

What an odd feeling.

 

“Clarke?” Abby touched her shoulder hesitantly, waiting a moment before slipping it higher to grip at her firmly. “Look at me Clarke,” her voice almost sounded pleading, “Clarke-”

 

“Stop,” Clarke turned to face her. Meeting her brown eyes but forcing herself to look away, scanning her quickly. She was back in the clothes she'd seen her wear before the fall of the mountain but her skin was still tan. Her hair still lighter but she was still the same woman that Clarke called mom. Her time on the ground didn't seem to have changed that. “Let's just go.”

 

Abby nodded, “okay, let's go home then.”

 

Clarke felt the need to tell her that her home wasn't exactly her home anymore but she held back. Instead falling into step with her as they walked the length of the hallway to the lift. Zero following behind them quietly but Clarke paused when Lexa stepped through a set of double doors, the throne behind her deeper in the room casting shadows but she focused her eyes on the sword she held. Still held in its sheath, the leather strap gripped in Lexa's hand before she held it out.

 

“This is yours again.” Her green eyes filled with a certain sadness that didn't linger, quickly masked over by indifference but Clarke had caught it. Yet chose to ignore it as she took the sword from her, slipping it over her shoulder and finally feeling a little more whole than she had since arriving in Polis. The weight of the sword on her back comforting as she gave Lexa a curt nod of thanks then pressed on. Abby following close behind her as they climbed onto the lift.

 

“You're more grounder than anything now Clarke.” Abby commented eyeing the sword and her clothes, the braids that fell over her shoulder. A parting gift from Evangeline.

 

“Aren't you as well mom?” The lift began to move but she still caught a final glimpse of green eyes following her down. Guarded green eyes that followed her descent until they disappeared beneath a slab of concrete.

 

“It was easier to let it in than fight it.” Abby murmured.

 

–

 

Ontari walked the path behind Siga, following the girl shorter than her to one of the numerous massive buildings in Ontre that normally housed armies that were stationed there. Following her through the curtain that hung across the door, down the long hallway lit with candles that suddenly opened up into a large room. Rows of beds the lined all the way to the back of the building yet only a little under half of them were occupied. Warriors looked up at her with expectation in their eyes as she was lead to a different doorway then into a smaller room. Candles burning on the wooden table while a blonde woman sat in a chair behind it. One side of her head braided in neat rows as the rest of her hair was wildly swept over her shoulder. Dark blue eyes piercing as she rose to her feet, her hand lingering near the hilt of her sword on the table.

 

“ _Ontari kom azgeda,”_ Siga announced her, approaching the blonde woman who in many ways reminded Ontari of Clarke. The girl's hand tugging at the blonde's hand, staring up at her expectantly then back to Ontari with a hint of a smile. “ _This is general Lagetha.”_

 

“ _General..”_ Ontari nodded, shifting her weight beneath those scrutinizing eyes. Eyes that seemed to carry hope in scaring her more than anything until the general finally moved. Tearing herself away from Siga's grip, crossing the room to the doorway and closing it behind Ontari. “ _It is an honor to meet you general Lagetha.”_

 

“ _And no honor of mine to meet you Ontari.”_ Lagetha grunted, pushing Ontari back as she moved to stand in front of her. “ _You're the one who abandoned your people, left them to die, left my only son to die.”_

 

“ _What do you mean?”_

 

“ _The bear only breathes because of me.”_ She hissed and Ontari immediately understood, this general wasn't under Nia's thumb. Far from it but she wasn't for Ontari either, she was for the bear. For Bjorn, the one who lead the fight against Ontre but lost and that was how he'd survived. Lagetha had saved him then kept his survival hidden from Nia.

 

“ _I didn't-”_

 

“ _Quiet! I know why you left, you left with half of his force to take the mountain but you failed. You failed and was captured yourself, you left him to die on that field. You only return now because you hear he survived, you mean to truly kill him this time!”_ She snapped harshly, whirling and grabbing her sword. Bringing it up rapidly to Ontari's throat, pushing her backward into the wall behind her. Her fierce eyes staring straight into Ontari's soul as if she'd find the truth she thought to exist there.

 

“ _What happened was my mistake.. I underestimated Nia and the mountain so yes, I did fail. I'm sorry for that but I am not here to kill him. It fills me with hope to know he is alive, that you were there to save him.”_

 

“ _You should die for your failure Ontari kom azgeda.”_

 

“ _Then kill me for it is what I deserve.”_ Those blue eyes faltered, a hint of confusion flashing through them and the sword at Ontari's throat pulled back slightly. A part of Ontari wanted to shrink beneath the power in her eyes but she held strong, raising her chin slightly and the sword scrapped against her throat lightly.

 

“ _No.”_ She spoke softer and stepped back from Ontari, lying her sword back on the table then reclaimed her seat. Drawing Siga closer, holding her hand loosely.

 

“ _No?”_

 

“ _No, you're worth more alive than dead. The rebellion still sees you as a figure to be admired, the one who survived the mountain. Allied herself with the commander. You are the one who has walked alongside death and lived to tell the tale of it but I must ask. You know what our mission is, you know we are to ride for Arcadia, to slaughter them but I ask you.. Do you really intend to kill them?”_

 

Ontari shook her head, _“I came into this room expecting a general that was controlled by Nia.”_ The woman jerked in her seat as she spoke. Preparing herself to jump up and kill her but Ontari raised her hand at her. “ _But you are not for Nia, you are for the rebellion, for Bjorn and with that information.. I wish to ask that you do not kill the skaikru as Nia demands of us.”_

 

“ _Then what is it that you expect us to do?”_

 

“ _Disappear.”_

 

–

 

Walking the streets of Polis one last time was bittersweet, passing its people who seemed to not see her felt like a blessing at the same time but once they were beyond its walls. She began to feel anxious again, burning through her limbs as they walked through the trees lining the road into the city. Only coming to a stop in front of a vehicle, something she'd only seen in books on the Ark. Massive vehicle that seemed prepared for anything. For war specifically, heavily armored and rumbling as it sat parked in the afternoon sun.

 

“We salvaged it from the mountain after it fell,” Abby explained, not daring to meet Clarke's eyes when she looked over at her.

 

“Do you..” Clarke licked her lips as one of the doors on the car swung open. Kane landing on the ground easily with a smile, his dark hair longer and with a full beard now and flecks of gray proud against the darkness of his hair. “Do you still use the mountain?”

 

“No, we scavenge from it but we did not live in it.” She explained as Kane approached, coming to a halt with his hands on his hips in front of Clarke. His eyes glancing at Abby a moment then to Clarke and she wondered if everyone she had yet to meet again would smile at her but it was doubtful.

 

“Good to see you again Clarke,” he held out his hand to her but she hesitated before taking his calloused hand in her own. A hand that had clearly changed in the months since she left them, changed as all of them had certainly must have changed. “Been a long time.”

 

“Yes, it has been a long time.” She agreed releasing his hand and Abby smiled, resting her hand on Clarke's back, just beneath her sword. Urging her forward as Kane turned away, climbing into the car as Abby lead her to the back. Pulling open the doors and a new set of eyes met hers, dark eyes that held a cautious curiosity. Her dark hair pulled into braids similar to Clarke's own and her heart skipped a beat almost at finding Octavia sitting there. A short sword strapped to her back, one that Clarke remembered from the day the mountain fell.

 

“Clarke?” She shifted across the seat she sat on as Clarke climbed inside. Zero jumping up alongside her and she took the offered seat next to her as Abby sat across from them, closing the doors behind her. The cab was dark but she could still make out Octavia's features. Her eyes full of distrust, caution but she still sat close to her and maybe she was just happy to know that Clarke was alive. “We thought you were dead.”

 

“Not yet.”

 

“You have a sword now? You look like a grounder, hell.. you've even got braids.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“But you left us.”

 

“I know.. I'm-”

 

“Don't, don't say it if you don't mean it.” And Clarke fell quiet, her apology still heavy on her tongue. Wanting to be set free but she held it in because she wasn't sure if she meant it yet. She wasn't sure if she even wanted to be back with her own people but she had no choice at this point. She'd gotten into the car, she was on her way back there and there was no way for her to stop it from happening.

 

–

 

Lagetha lead the small army across the snow covered field, her eyes cast more to the sky than the earth and Ontari knew why. She didn't want to be reminded of the slaughter she'd witnessed there once before, she didn't want to chance seeing a ghost wander before them. But her lips moved in a silent prayer then she pushed her horse faster. The army behind her speeding up in response as Ontari did on Lagetha's left.

 

They managed to cross the fields by mid day, the sun managing to peek out between clouds as they followed the curve of the road. A road that would lead them to Arcadia but suddenly Lagetha veered off the road. Making her own path through the trees until they finally came to a set of ruins, massive stone blocks collapsed to the earth. Scorch marks on one side as the other was clean of them but Lagetha didn't stop, not until they reached a clearing. Her hand raising to bring the army to a halt before she dismounted.

 

The ground opened before her, metal doors pushed open wide until clanging to the earth beneath them. Revealing a set of stairs and a glowing light at the bottom as the young woman half hidden by the hood over her head at the door smiled up at her. Only the left side of her mouth visible but dirty blonde braids laid over her shoulders.

 

“ _Ingstad returns,”_ she stepped up onto the ground. Holding out her arm as Ontari dismounted, the two women gripping forearms in greeting then releasing. “ _Come in, we'll have the horses moved.”_ Her head turned, the smile fading as she pulled back her hood. Revealing her face entirely to Ontari, to the scar that split as it ran from the right corner of her mouth almost to her ear. The scar reaching on the opposite side to the bridge of her nose as her icy blue eyes waited for Ontari to speak. “ _You brought her.”_

 

“ _The queen has given her a mission, a mission we will assist her with but first she must see Bjorn. He must agree before we make our move.”_ She half turned to face Ontari then back to the other woman as she pulled her hood back up, covering her face once more. “ _Come princess, meet one of the few survivors of the attack against Ontre. Meet Bjorn once more.”_

 

“ _Sha Lagetha.”_

 

“ _Lead the way Thorunn.”_ Thorunn nodded, turning away from Lagetha and leading the way into the darkness as the army suddenly moved behind Ontari. Following her into the tunnel beneath the earth.

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that I've been misspelling Arkadia as Arcadia and I apologize for that but since I've been doing it this long I may as well just keep it.

Clarke was grateful for the silence that enveloped them for the ride to Camp Jaha. Her skin felt as though something were crawling just beyond the surface and she was sure if she were to speak that it would escape her. But the silence around her made her feel a thousand times more nervous, anxious and afraid. Going back to the people she had left all those months ago as a new person almost entirely was something she wasn't ready to do. She couldn't even apologize to Octavia, how could she hope to apologize to all of them. To Bellamy, Raven, Monty, Jasper, Miller, Harper, Monroe and all of the people she had abandoned.  
  
She drew in a shaky breath and almost instantly felt a hand rest on her knee. Her mother's hand reaching across the space between and touching her in a way that was meant to be comforting. To tell her it was going to be okay but she couldn't even begin to wonder if it would be. Meeting her eyes in the dim light of the cab and trying to convey the almost certain inevitable denial of her entering the camp that she knew would occur.  
  
"We've changed the name," Abby spoke loud enough to be heard over the engine. Her voice warm and gentle but Clarke sat tensely. Her sword shifting at her back as she rolled her shoulders to try and relieve the tension that settled there but failing. "It's Arcadia now."  
  
"Yeah, we decided that months ago. Probably a month after you left Clarke." Octavia added with a slight edge to her voice that Clarke expected. She wouldn't hold it against her because she would've been the same way if she were in her shoes.  
  
"I see.. So that means Jaha is..?"  
  
"Gone, we haven't seen him since he left. Not seen Murphy either, probably dead." Octavia answered her first and Abby shot her a glare.  
  
"Have you found more of our people?"  
  
"Yeah, some asshole named Pike and a group of others. Monty's mom, Hannah, is one of them. Miller's boyfriend Bryan too along with a handful of others that came out of the azgeda territories."  
  
"Pike? Earth skills teacher Pike?"  
  
"Wouldn't know, I was under the floor remember?" Octavia shot her a half smile and Clarke was glad to see a little of the old Octavia still inside her. That the ground hadn't crushed it as it had crushed herself. "He tried to get us to murder grounders but after the people voted for Abby to be chancellor it all stopped. But.. he still goes on and on about it from time to time. Thought bell was going to fall into his bullshit at one point but that stopped easily enough."  
  
Clarke nodded in understanding, relieved to learn that the grounders would have little to no reason to want to wipe out Arcadia. "What about Lincoln?"  
  
"After the commander dropped the kill order.. We come and go from the camp."  
  
"Kill order.."  
  
"He betrayed his people in favor of ours at the mountain." Octavia grunted as she shifted, her gaze turned to the world that zipped by through the slits in the metal behind Abby. "But hes safe now and I can thank the commander for that.. Even if she did betray us."  
  
"She just did what was best for her people." Clarke defended, eyeing the metal floor beneath her boots. Wondering at what point she'd decided to do so, defending the commander had never been on her to do list but lately things had begun to change. "The same as us in that mountain."  
  
"Like when you abandoned us? Yeah I'm sure you had your people in mind when you did that." Octavia grumbled and Clarke clenched her jaw. Clenching her fists and blunt nails digging into her palms atop her thighs.  
  
"I'm-"  
  
"Don't say it if you don't mean it." She repeated and the car began to slow suddenly. "Looks like we're home."  
  
"Right you are Octavia." Kane finally spoke up and the sound of metal against metal seemed to fill the cab over the engine or maybe that was the nerves in Clarke intensifying the sound as the truck came to a stop before moving again. The sound of people filling her ears before darkness fell over them and the car stopping once more. Kane cutting the engine and hoping out as Abby pushed open the back door. Dropping to the floor followed by Zero but Clarke paused before climbing out. Taking a deep breath then moving as the impatient Octavia pushed at her.  
  
She dropped to the floor smoothly and froze at what she saw. The walls of the large room she stood in rose tall as the large door beside her began to close. Closing off the world outside and trapping her inside as Abby waited patiently beside her. Waiting for her reaction but her waiting was short lived as Raven limped up. Abby and Kane taking it as their cue to leave.  
  
Her brown eyes narrowed and cautious as she scanned Clarke. Clarke studied her in response, taking in her lithe, unchanged form. Her brunette hair still pulled back into a ponytail and her red jacket still managing to survive since she'd first landed on the ground. Her lips turned down into a frown until she spotted Octavia. "Well look what the cat dragged in."  
  
"Fuck you too Raven."  
  
"You wish," the brunette held out her arm to Octavia and she accepted her one armed hug before facing Clarke once more. "So shes come back from the dead."

 

“So it would seem.”  
  
"And yet she barely looks like who she was when she left, more grounder than anything actually."  
  
"She looks more the part than I do."  
  
"Maybe she should just go back to them then," Raven spoke of her as if she wasn't there. Clearly still a little angry with her and Clarke couldn't hold that against her. "Or maybe she needs a change of clothes."  
  
"I'm sure we can dig something up for her."  
  
"Grounder chic is nice and all but.. Too many straps and clasps." Raven's frown turned into a lopsided grin and her eyes dropped to Zero where he cautiously approached her. Sniffing at her brace carefully then looking up at her, his tail beginning to wag slowly as she extended her hand to him. "And who is this?"  
  
"Zero," Clarke finally opened her mouth, watching Zero carefully. Ready to move if he suddenly decided to do something he shouldn't but he sat down. Letting Raven rub his head gently, her long fingers scratching behind his ears.  
  
"Like the ghost dog in _Nightmare Before Christmas_? Odd name to pick for him Clarke."  
  
"I didn't pick it, Obe in Polis did." She clenched her jaw, hoping they wouldn't begin to accuse her of wanting to be there instead of here but Raven just nodded.  
  
"Zero always was the cutest."  
  
"He seems to like you."  
  
"Everyone likes me." She smirked and Octavia chuckled but Clarke tensed again. A little unnerved by the friendliness Raven showed her in that moment and maybe it meant she didn't hate her as much as Octavia seemed to but the woman looked away from her. Meeting Octavia's eyes and squeezing her closer, “want a drink before you run off to find that pretty boy of yours?”

 

“You know me so well.” Octavia pulled away from Raven and the two headed up the sloped ramp further, passing a piano that Clarke recognized to have come from the mountain when Raven suddenly paused. Glancing over her shoulder as Octavia kept walking by tables and assorted chairs.

 

“Are you coming or not?” She asked and Octavia came to an abrupt halt, throwing Raven a glare at the back of her head. Yet Raven kept her focus on Clarke, waiting for her to respond and Clarke nodded slowly. Moving her feet and heading up the ramp.

 

–

 

The stairs down felt never ending until suddenly they did end. The tunnel opening up into a fire lit room. The people sitting on furs scattered throughout and huddled around the warmth the fires gave off. Few looked up at her and met her gaze but stayed on the floor as she was lead past them. Leading her into a wide hallway then onto a wooden walkway. She could hear the flow of water beneath her boots but she kept her eyes forward.

 

Following the long, smooth tunnel lit with candles and torches alike until they suddenly came off the walkway. Down a narrow hallway and to a metal door sitting slightly ajar. Voices suddenly rising and echoing out around her as Lagetha grabbed her arm. Yanking her to a stop and Thorunn passing through the door. The voices inside instantly quieting down to hushed tones then Thorunn reappearing.

 

“ _Go.”_ Lagetha ordered and she moved, not needing her tight grip on her arm in order to move but it stayed. More out of Lagetha's own fears than anything else and they walked into the room. A room lit by only candles and filled with four other people. People she'd assume to be generals of the rebel army, none she knew but the man behind the metal table she did know.

 

She recognized his blonde hair pulled back into a small knot at the back of his skull and a blue eye that held a resemblance to Lagetha's own. His jaw and chin covered in a thin blonde beard but a length of leather covered his left eye. Edges of scars appearing on opposite ends of the dark leather and his lips turned down into a frown.

 

Bjorn looked different than he had when they first parted ways to fight a war against Nia and the mountain both.

 

He looked a thousand times more battle hardened that she'd ever imagined.

 

“ _The princess lives it seems,”_ he spoke as he stood. Towering over Ontari and his voice deeper than before, _“last we heard you were in Polis with heda.”_

 

“ _I haven't been in Polis for a long while now.”_

 

“ _Shes been with Nia.”_ Lagetha added and she squeezed tighter at Ontari's arm. Glaring at her harshly but Bjorn nodded in understanding. Stepping around the desk and his generals moved to allow him to pass, their eyes on him as he came to a stop in front of Ontari. His eye studying her, scanning her up and down.

 

“ _Is this your grand return to my rebellion?”_

 

“ _I didn't even know it still existed until Siga told me at Nia's war camp.”_ The name left her lips and Bjorn's eye narrowed. His fists clenching at his sides and she realized that his short temper had never left him but he calmed as he stepped away from her. Thorunn's hand smoothing over his arm gently then pulling back. _“Siga.. she is yours?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _I didn't know you had a daughter.”_

 

“ _We chose to try and keep her out of the rebellion in the beginning, choosing to send her to family near the dead zone borders but..”_ Thorunn explained and Ontari understood. She'd gotten pulled into it when the attack failed. No doubt Nia searching her out and taking her to possibly threaten any lingering rebels into hiding.

 

“ _She is alive and well, strong. Certainly carries her father's rebelling ways.”_ Only Thorunn cracked a smile at that whereas Lagetha and Bjorn merely stared at her. Clearly unamused by Ontari's attempts at soothing the tense atmosphere of the room.

 

“ _You've brought an army with you.. why.”_ Bjorn asked and Lagetha opened her mouth to tell him but he shook his head at her. His question only for Ontari and no one else. She silently hoped he would agree with her proposal before opening her mouth to explain.

 

“ _I was given orders to wipe out the skaikru from Nia but I proposed a change of plans to Lagetha and she agreed for me to meet with you to discuss it.”_ She glanced at the general, finding a look of distrust and dislike written plainly on her face before she continued. Meeting Bjorn's eye once again, _“I propose that the army shes given me disappear and from what I see here.. I know it would be entirely possible. Easy even to make it happen but in order for it to disappear without Nia suspecting anything.. is to stage a battle.”_

 

“ _And how exactly do you plan on doing that?”_

 

“ _With the skaikru's help it could work.”_

 

“ _And you just intend to ride into their camp to ask?”_ He scoffed, _“branwada.”_

 

“ _Its worth a shot.”_

 

Bjorn reclaimed his seat, bringing his boots up on the table loudly and folding his hands over his stomach. Focusing his one eye on his hands in thought and time felt as it were taking its time to pass. The room silent but sounds of voices and footsteps outside the door. For a moment Ontari felt as though he'd say no. That it wouldn't work and he would consider it to be too much of a risk for him to take. That he wouldn't risk the rebellion again after the last time but he looked up slowly.

 

“ _I will consider it but until then you will stay in the tunnels. We can't have you running around outside to be spotted by her spies or even common folk that pass by.”_

 

“ _Sha Bjorn.”_

 

“ _You'll be given somewhere to sleep deeper in the tunnels, it is safer there.”_

 

“ _These tunnels.. how far do they reach?”_ She asked as she was curious about them. She'd known of underground tunnels being in Ontre. They had been sealed and turned into prisons, torture chambers as well as storage. She knew they even ran beneath Polis but that Lexa rarely used them for anything aside from storage.

 

“ _In the beginning we explored them as far as we could manage but there are many cave ins, as many cave ins as there were entrances.”_

 

“ _Were?”_

 

“ _We sealed them.”_ He sighed and relaxed in his seat. _“Go and rest, you'll need it.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

–

 

Clarke followed the edge of the walls around Arcadia. She had left Raven and Octavia drinking in the bar to try to walk off the anxiety she still felt behind those walls. Her eyes following where metal met the grass beneath it and trying to ignore the looks she surely garnered as she walked. A small part of her wished that Zero had followed her but he had chosen to remain with Raven. Lying carefully near her braced leg and sniffing at Octavia's boots as Clarke had left them.

 

She stepped over a rock as a throat was cleared behind her and she spun. Facing the person and finding Bellamy. The man standing with his arms crossed over her chest in a guard uniform. Gun slung across his shoulders and a radio clipped to his belt but he had changed little since she'd left. His dark hair only slightly longer and curling at the nape of his neck but his brown eyes were still the same. Yet he didn't look at her for leadership as he once had, he looked at her in slight confusion of finding her there.

 

“Bellamy.”

 

“Clarke,” his voice was still rough but he dropped his arms. His head dropping and staring at the ground before he looked back up at her. “Octavia said you were back but I didn't expect to find you here. I thought you would be with her.”

 

“Shes mad at me.. so I left her with Raven.”

 

“We all are..” he shook his head. “Were actually.. some of us have forgiven you.”

 

“Some?”

 

“Monty for one has forgiven you but Jasper.. I don't think he ever will.” Of course Jasper wouldn't forgive Clarke. She'd killed his girlfriend, his first love. “The trust is gone but of those who have forgiven you.. we welcome you home.”

 

“We? We as in you?”

 

“It took time, a lot of time after I found out that you left my sister to die in Ton DC.” He shifted and Clarke tensed up, sensing that he hadn't entirely forgiven her for that yet but she knew not to expect it. His sister was his responsibility and she'd put on the line in order to fight a war. “Welcome home Clarke.”

 

“I..” she felt the apology on her tongue again but she kept it in. Remembering Octavia's words, realizing that none of them would want to hear it if she didn't truly mean it. That it didn't just apply to her but in that meant she truly did feel sorry for what she'd done to Bellamy. She'd put him and her at risk together when she'd left Octavia there. “I'm sorry for what I did Bellamy, for what I did to Octavia.”

 

“Thank you for saying that,” he looked up but didn't meet her eyes. Instead looking around her until finally landing on the wall next to them. “It.. it helps.” He admitted and looked her in the eye finally, giving her the hint of a smile. She knew if she wanted to gain all of his forgiveness, to regain his trust that it would take time. That one apology wouldn't repair the damage between them and she shifted, planning to move closer to him but he spoke again. Freezing her in place, “I have to go. Got a patrol to do but maybe we'll see each other later?”

 

“Yeah, be safe out there.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

She watched him walk away, his gun bumping against his back as he disappeared behind a building and she was left alone once again. She looked back up at the wall but let out a quiet sigh, going the way that Bellamy had. Stepping out onto the wide dirt road that seemed to run straight down the middle of the camp. Sets of eyes instantly on her as children froze in the road, a ball rolling near her and she stuck out her boot. Catching it beneath the sole then picking it up and holding it in her dust covered hands. She knew where it came from, she remembered it. She remembered the kids inside the mountain having it but she shook her head.

 

It wasn't wrong of them to have it, those kids inside the mountain were dead. They couldn't play with it anymore and she swallowed at the thought. Holding it out to the kids that stared at her cautiously. Their eyes wide but the smallest of them began to walk towards her. His mouth slightly agape and his teeth peeking through, one front tooth missing. When he reached her he stared up at her through dark brown eyes, his curly brown hair covered in dust as he took the ball from her. Pulling it close to his stomach and she quickly scanned him, his dark skin covered in dust from play.

 

“Thank you,” he gave her a small smile before darting back to his friends. The small group bounding off to play somewhere else as the people who had stared at her before went back to their own business. And for the moment she felt better about being in Arcadia. It helped to know that the kids weren't as wary of her as the adults seemed to be. They weren't swayed by what she'd done but only because she was just a stranger to them.

 

“Those kids came from Pike's group.” A voice came from behind her and she turned to face Octavia. Weaponless now but still standing strong without it as Lincoln stepped up next to her, his hand finding hers.

 

“So from the azgeda.”

 

“Yeah but it doesn't seem to have bothered them in the slightest. They play all day, not minding the dirt at all. A little surprising how that ball has managed to survive in their hands.”

 

“That ball.. it came from the mountain didn't it.”

 

“Yeah..” she shook her head. “Someone took it off the dead when they were moving the bodies. Brought it here along with some other stuff.” She explained and Lincoln nodded at her words.

 

“What did they do with them.” She swallowed thickly, “with the bodies I mean.”

 

“Burned,” Clarke knew she would say that. She knew they'd be burned, it was the grounder way and quickly becoming the Arkers way as well. They were becoming more and more grounder as each day passed. Even if they chose to fight it they would become them. It would dig into them and take hold as it had taken hold of Clarke. Swallowing who they'd been in the sky and transforming them into stronger beings. “They were burned in the shadow of the mountain.”

 

“I see.”

 

“But that's not what I came to tell you. I came to tell you that your mom wants to see you. Look you over, make sure you're healthy.”

 

“Medical is in the same place as before?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I'll go then.”

 

“Your dog is still hanging around Raven too.”

 

“I think he could benefit more with her than me.”

 

“He sure is a sweetheart.” She squeezed Lincoln's hand and began to walk away, leading him towards what Clarke had deciphered to be the stables earlier when she'd walked by it on her way to the walls. But she didn't watch them longer than she felt needed. Willing herself to walk towards the remains of the Ark to find her mom.

 

–

 

The deeper into the tunnels she was lead, the more alone she felt. It was quieter, cooler and much less populated. Sections split off to create rooms and she was lead to one of them. Thorunn pulling the gray fabric away from the doorway and revealing a dimly lit room with only a bed, table and a couple of chairs. Half burnt candles sat on the table as she stepped in, Thorunn immediately following her and lighting them. Filling the room with a warm glow and Ontari wondered how Thorunn could see through her hood. It covered her eyes completely.

 

The woman sat in a chair slowly, sweeping her gloved hand over the table and sweeping off the thin layer of dust. _“This room hasn't been used in a long time now. The last person to use it was moved to a different room.”_

 

“ _Its a nice room,”_ she murmured before sitting down on the fur covered bed. Feeling it sink beneath her weight. _“Quiet.”_

 

“ _It is very quiet down here but it makes for decent sleep.”_

 

“ _How will I know when it is dark out?”_

 

“ _Look up.”_ She pointed towards a corner of the ceiling and Ontari followed her hand. Finding the source of the original dim light that had managed to fill the room before the candles did. The light coming from soil covered metal grates. Snatches of light filtering through and she nodded in understanding. _“One of the few rooms with it, I thought you might appreciate it.”_

 

“ _I do but..”_

 

“ _Rain rarely makes it through.”_ She explained, the corner of her mouth quirking up in a grin and Ontari began to like her a little more. She was different from Bjorn and Lagetha, she held a certain gentleness but she was sure if it came down to it. She would slaughter anyone that dared stand in her way. As would any good azgeda warrior.

 

“ _Thorunn..”_

 

“ _Yes?”_

 

“ _How?”_ She asked but she was unsure if the warrior would answer her. She would have been fine with being told no but when the woman opened her mouth to answer she was slightly shocked.

 

“ _The battle, I was there. I made a mistake and I paid for it.”_ She paused, her hands rising but lingering a moment before she slipped off her hood. Her scar illuminated by the candle light and her lips in a hard line beneath Ontari's gaze. As she looked at her, studied her face. She felt a spark of awe and she partly wondered why she kept her face hidden as she did. Her scar told a story and served as a reminder of those who had died on that field. It gave her an air of strength and willingness to continue her fight that Ontari admired. _“I have learned from my mistake and wish to prove that. I feel my chance will come soon enough.”_

 

“ _In the form of a war that I wish could be avoided.”_

 

“ _War is our way, the azgeda way. It is in our blood.”_

 

“ _And just how much blood will be spilled before it ends?”_

 

“ _Until the ice queen is satisfied.”_ She pulled her hood back up but kept her face uncovered as she stood. Lacing her fingers together before her, _“find me should you require anything. My and Bjorn's room is not far from here. At the very end but if I am not there then you can find my in the war room.”_

 

“ _Thank you Thorunn.”_ Ontari watched her leave, pulling her hood back down over her face completely before she left the room.

 

–

 

Clarke worried the moment she was in the medical bay, her worry growing as the door behind them closed and Abby began to look her over. Feeling her face and pressing her fingers into specific places beneath her jaw. Nodding to herself as the look in her eyes fell into doctor mode rather than mother. Her lips moving as she murmured to herself but Clarke didn't listen, she didn't listen as Abby took a sample of her blood. Pressing a piece of cotton as the needle was removed but she listened when she was told to take off her shirt.

 

The sudden awareness of her shirt rubbing against her scars became almost too much to bare as she stared at Abby.

 

“Why?”

 

“Its just a part of the exam Clarke.”

 

“But-”

 

“I gave birth to you, its nothing I haven't seen before.” She pursed her lips but Clarke didn't move. The moment her scars were visible was the moment Abby would question her about them. She would want her story, she would want all of the stories behind her scars and she wasn't ready to give them up to anyone just yet. She hadn't even told Ontari and she'd seen them. She hadn't touched them but she'd seen them.

 

“Clarke?” Abby interrupted her thoughts, leaning against the exam table. “If.. if you don't want to then you don't have to. I'll understand but if there is something wrong then you should tell me so I can help you.”

 

“There is nothing wrong, I feel no pain anywhere at all.” At least that was the truth.

 

“I see.. what about your implant?” Her mother visibly swallowed and averted her gaze to another part of the room before coming back to Clarke. “Do you want it removed? Or do you want it to stay.”

 

“Stay.. makes it easier to live through each day without having to worry about getting a period.”

 

“Don't I know it,” Abby gave her a easy smile but Clarke didn't return it. Instead she hoped off the table, grabbing her jacket and slipping it back on but leaving it open as she grabbed her sword.

 

“We're done then?”

 

“Yes but I have questions for you.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Would you be up for patrols?” She asked and Clarke shrugged, she'd barely been in camp for a whole day. She had yet to see everything there was to see but if she did patrols. Then she'd be outside the walls, she'd be in the openness of the world again. She'd be without the looks of her own people but still feel a little more connected to them and perhaps it would help her regain their trust.

 

“Maybe but I don't want to be in the car. I've gotten used to feeling the wind on my skin when I run or even ride a horse. It feels more natural that way now.”

 

“I see, so you're a little like Octavia now. More grounder than Arker.”

 

“I guess so.”

 

“I understand, I'll speak with Lincoln about it but perhaps you and Octavia could patrol together. She normally takes her horse when they take the car but I think it would be better for both of you to just ride together. Certainly is less maintenance work on the cars for Raven to have to deal with.”

 

“Why Lincoln?”

 

“He and I have a sort of understanding. He helps me understand the grounder ways and I help him with the Arkers. Its worked out so far and hes even joined the guards.” She chuckled, “he isn't what I expected him to be.”

 

“Not all grounders are ruthless mom.”

 

“That I can agree with but come, I'll show you to where you'll be sleeping.” She crossed the room, pulling open the door and leading the way down the hall from the medical bay. Clarke following closely and trying to map out the new layout of the Ark as they walked. Finding that it hadn't changed much in her absence, the only real change being the addition of sleeping quarters finally being cleaned up and put to use. Abby lead her all the way down a long hallway and stopped at the last door on her right. Pushing it open and flicking on a light, the room flooding with artificial light from the bulb above them.

 

“Come a long way since I was last here mom.”

 

“Can thank Raven, Wick and Sinclair for that.” She stepped into the room and looked around herself before meeting Clarke's eyes. “Wouldn't be anything without them.”

 

“I'm sure Raven never lets you forget.”

 

“I sure as hell don't,” Raven suddenly pipped up from behind Clarke and she turned to face her. The engineer leaning against the door frame with Zero near her feet. “Every time I want something.. you can damn well bet I'm going to get it.”

 

“And I expect nothing less.”

 

“Don't you forget it either Clarke but I'm not here to talk about myself. I'm here because O asked me to show you to the training room.”

 

“What for?”

 

“She wants to fight you, maybe thinks she can beat your ass.” She shrugged and flashed a cocky grin.

 

“Maybe.. maybe not, I guess we'll be seeing.”

 

“Come on then, I'll take you over.” She pushed off the door and turned away. Clarke hurried to follow her as her mother closed the door behind them. The engineer leading her but Abby broke away from them. Leaving them to walk alone to the training room, the room in question large with dusted over windows.

 

Octavia sat on the metal floor in a sleeveless shirt that Clarke hadn't seen before. The purple color dark and faded as the brunette rose to her feet. The closer she moved to Clarke, the more she could make out the black tattoos on her biceps. A type she hadn't seen before and she assumed that Lincoln had done them.

 

“And she arrives! Ready to get your ass kicked Clarke?” She came to a stop and dropped her hands onto her hips. A glint in her hazel eyes that spoke volumes of her expected victory over Clarke. “I expect a good fight since you've been living with grounders for months now.”

 

“Living and surviving,” Clarke murmured but stripped off her jacket. Moving to put a wall behind her and not the open doorway as she pulled off her shirt. Leaving herself in her tank top once again and memories of the spar in Arle came flooding back. Of her coming dangerously close to killing Ontari but she pushed it down. Smothering the sudden but familiar ache in her muscles, the pit fighter inside her wanting to escape as she dropped her shirt behind her on top of her jacket. “Whenever you're ready O.”

 

“First things first.. no rules. The grounders don't have them so we won't. We both seem to belong to them more than here anyway.”

 

“Okay, let's do this then.” She shifted, feeling herself tense up as the brunette suddenly charged her. Swinging a fist for her face but she dodged, taking a side step and pushing at the younger woman. Putting distance between them as Octavia gave her a small smile, her arms coming up to defend her face and chest as she closed the distance again. Throwing out one clenched fist that missed but following up with a second that made contact with with Clarke's jaw. Not enough force in it to exactly hurt her but enough for her flinch.

 

She drew back, her boots scrapping against the floor as she moved but the brunette kept coming at her. Swinging for her nose but missing as her other fist made a move to hit her in the stomach. Clarke saw it coming, expecting it and she grabbed her thin wrist as she struck out. Pulling her fist away to the side and driving her own fist into Octavia's nose. The smaller woman grunting in surprise and pain when Clarke shoved her away.

 

“Huh,” Octavia frowned and wiped at the thin stream of blood that came from her nose. Smearing it across her face but she returned to her stance. Her arms up and fists ready as Clarke took the initiative, advancing on her this time. Blocking Octavia's attempts to force her back and taking the open space she presented. Forcing her shoulder into Octavia's chest, pushing her to the floor and landing on top of her. Pinning her down but not nearly fast enough as the brunette wrapped her knees around Clarke's middle. Throwing her full weight into it and flipping them but Clarke wrapped an arm around Octavia's slender neck.

 

Pulling her in close and headbutting her, forcing her off. The brunette wincing in pain as they both scrambled to their feet. The ache in her muscles still ever present as she moved but she kept the pit fighter in. Kept it caged as she kicked out Octavia's legs from beneath her, the dazed woman hitting the floor again and Clarke pinned once more. This time throwing her weight backward onto Octavia's thighs. One arm pinned between Clarke's knee and her own thigh as she tried to hit Clarke with her free hand but it was caught. Slammed down into the metal beneath them and Clarke's free hand wrapping around her throat. Her grip tightening as the pit fighter within screamed for her to squeeze tighter and her fingers twitched. Flexing against her skin, desire to watch the life drain from her eyes filling her and she shivered from the intensity of that desire.

 

“Looks like I've got some work to do,” the brunette gave her the hint of a smile and Clarke pulled back, shutting down her dark urge and releasing. Stepping off of her but holding a hand down towards her. Pulling her up but the woman surprised her by tapping her arm lightly. Moving as if she intended to hug Clarke but she stopped when Raven suddenly began to clap. Both of them turning to face her as if they'd forgotten she was there but they both realized they'd pulled more a crowd than expected. People that Clarke didn't recognize as she moved to collect her clothes. Pulling on her shirt but not before catching Octavia's eyes trailing over the scars that managed to appear at the edges of her tank top.

 

But she kept her mouth shut.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Raven x Zero the dog brotp


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who else is ready for canon Ontari to crush this version of Ontari? 'Cause I sure as hell am not ready.

_The ball rolled down the hallway. Leaving a trail of blood behind it and she watched it roll. Watched it roll closer and closer until it met her boot. Bumping lightly against it and while she focused her eyes on it. She heard the first snap, the first crack, the first pop but she refused to look up. She refused to watch lifeless bodies follow the trail of blood, the sounds were enough. The sounds were enough to let her know they were there. The sound of bone scrapping against the metal floor and echoing down to her._

 

_A muffled groan joining it and she finally looked up. Finding the bodies far closer than she'd imagined. Finding sun bleached bones and empty sockets, bones connected by some unseen force. Crawling closer and closer until skinless fingers wrapped around her ankles. Dragging her down to the floor and she let it happen. She let them force her to become one of them on the floor. She let them tear at her skin until her own bloody bones appeared and she screamed in pain. Screams echoing down long metal, dimly lit hallways._

 

“Clarke!” Someone shouted her name and shook her hard, their grip tight on her arm. “Clarke wake up!” The person huffed and a second voice murmured quietly nearby but Clarke jerked herself out of the grip. Backing herself into the wall behind her as she finally opened her eyes. Meeting the wide, worried gaze of Monroe. Still much the same as she had been when Clarke first left but her red hair down, free of braids. “Finally.”

 

“What? What do you mean finally.. I-” she took a deep breath. Trying to calm her racing heart but it did little to help. It continued to pound and Monroe looked over at the other woman in the room then back to Clarke.

 

“You were screaming in your sleep.” She explained sitting down on the edge of the bed. The second person in the room making her way closer and Clarke recognized Harper. Blonde hair mussed from sleep and her eyes filled with a certain tired worry. “Sounded like you were dying in here.”

 

“Oh.. Sorry.”

 

Monroe shrugged but Harper kept watching her, her lips parting as if she were about to speak but she closed them again. Pursing her lips and meeting Monroe's green eyes then sitting down next to her. Holding her hand loosely and Clarke wondered when that had happened.

 

“Some of us still have those dreams so you're not alone Clarke.” Monroe patted her sheet covered leg before withdrawing her hand. “Morning is not far off.”

 

Clarke nodded, understanding that it meant she could get up. She could leave her room and no one would wonder why. “Thank you.”

 

“Yep,” she turned to Harper. “Come on Harp, let's get outta Clarke's hair.” They stood and left, leaving Clarke alone in the silence. Shifting uncomfortably beneath still warm sheets before slipping out. Pulling on her clothes and grabbing her sword.

 

Leaving her room behind as she escaped the Ark. Her warm face meeting cool air like she'd been used to but it wasn't exactly the same. Walls still rose around her, closer than they had been in Polis yet as she walked down the middle street. She found it void of people, only finding Octavia near the stables with Lincoln. The two saddling horses, Lincoln next to a tall black horse as Octavia stood next to a smaller chestnut. Octavia climbed on but she stayed in her spot when she spotted Clarke.

 

“You're up early,” she finally spoke once Clarke was close enough to hear her. Gathering up the reins in her hand and directing her horse closer. The horse one that Clarke recognized when it faced her. The same horse she'd once ridden which now seemed to belong to Octavia.

 

“How about you take Clarke with you then O.” Lincoln patted his horse's neck and Octavia glanced at him. Chewing on her bottom lip then back to Clarke, giving her a curt nod and the big man next to her moved. Holding his horse patiently, “if you'd like to go anyway Clarke.”

 

Clarke met Octavia's careful gaze and pondered Lincoln's offer a moment. Wondering if Octavia would really be okay if she went with her. Sure she wanted the chance to leave Arcadia's walls for a little while but not if it upset Octavia. So she waited for Octavia to give her another nod, for her to accept her and not just Lincoln. The moment passed slowly before she was given the acceptance.

 

“Anything to get out of here for a little while.” Clarke murmured resting her hand on the horse's shoulder before mounting up. Accepting the rough rope reins from Lincoln before he wandered off. Leaving her to follow Octavia to the metal gates but stopping as they slowly opened. The gates not fully open before Octavia was pushing her horse through and following the path away from camp. Clarke followed her easily, the two riding into the trees but Octavia didn't slow down. She kept going and Clarke kept up easily. Her horse powerfully catching up to the smaller as they rode northward.

 

Both horses managing to keep pace with each other, clearing a small stream but then Octavia signaled for them to slow down. Slowing into a walk and turning off the road, following a thin trail that wound between tree trunks. Octavia taking lead with Clarke just behind her, the ride silent but she didn't mind it. It was calming, as calming as the wind had been in her hair. Birds in the branches above them singing and the shadow of what Clarke assumed to be a hawk overhead.

 

“So..” Octavia began, making sure she was clearly heard over the sounds around them. Directing her horse around a fallen tree trunk and Clarke wondered when she'd continued. Waiting for her to ask about the scars she'd barely seen on her back but she kept quiet. As if waiting for Clarke to speak first before saying whatever it was on her mind.

 

“What is it O?”

 

“Where were you.” Okay that wasn't what Clarke had expected.

 

“At what point are you asking, I have been in many places since I left.”

 

“Where were you when you got those scars.” And there it was. “You.. you don't have to answer but, I'd like to know if you're willing to talk about it.”

 

“I don't want to give you the whole story.”

 

“That's fine, you don't have to.”

 

“I was with the azgeda,” Clarke murmured and Octavia immediately pulled up her horse. Half turning in her saddle to stare at Clarke as she rode up next to her. “In a place called Otta, its where they-”

 

“They take prisoners there.” Octavia cut her off and pushed her horse back into walk but Clarke wondered how she knew. “Its where they keep the pits.. a little like the Colosseum in ancient Rome. For entertainment, people go and watch.. you were a prisoner?”

 

“No.. well, not exactly at least.” Octavia mentioning ancient Rome could only be because of Bellamy. She knew he was a little of an old world nerd, he knew things that no one on the Ark had ever cared to learn about because it was boring to them. Ancient civilizations didn't matter much to them when they had been born in space but it meant something to him. In turn it had become something to Octavia as well it seemed but now the brunette stared at her through wide eyes. “I fought for my freedom yes but it was more a teaching thing.”

 

“Oh, I see.. so that's why you kicked my ass. You learned to win or die.”

 

“Yes but I didn't hurt you did I?”

 

She shook her head,“its in your bones now.” She looked up at the sky and let out a breath. “Its so nice out here, quiet and peaceful.” She changed the subject and Clarke was grateful for it. “I could spend the rest of my life here and never get tired of it.”

 

“Gotta agree with you.” She scanned the forest around them, realizing she couldn't see Arcadia in the distance in any direction. Only trees met her eyes. “Where are we going?”

 

“Well.. we're supposed to be patrolling but if we were doing that then we would've been done forever ago. I kind of figured you'd not want to return so quickly and the woods are kind of quieter the more north you go.”

 

“We won't cross the border will we?”

 

“No, of course not.”

 

“Good..” Clarke remembered what Nia had told her. That if she were to ever cross into the north again that she would die and she wasn't about to test that old threat but the further they rode. The colder it seemed to get yet the woman beside her chose not to slow until a set of ruins appeared in the distance. The stone bright in the morning sun and it wasn't until they passed the first stone that Octavia pulled her horse to a stop. Dismounting and landing gently on the soft earth. “What is this place?” Clarke asked choosing to stay on her horse.

 

“I think it might have been part of a city at some point. This stone somehow managed to keep this clean so I can only guess maybe it was important and got treated with something to keep it that way.” The woman ducked behind a slab of stone and Clarke averted her gaze. Suddenly understanding why they had stopped and she relaxed in her saddle. Running her fingers through her horse's mane but she jerked in her saddle at a twig snapping. Octavia immediately popping up at the sound, darting to her horse but figures stepped out from behind trees nearby. Bow strings taut and advancing with arrows aimed for them. “Azgeda.” Octavia muttered and Clarke nodded.

 

“ _Wanheda.”_ One of them stated her title through his mask and Clarke glanced at Octavia then back to the warriors that approached them. Weapons still drawn and bowstrings taut but she swung her leg over her horse's head then landed smoothly on the ground. The warriors immediately pausing their advance. _“Clarke kom skaikru, wanheda, champion of the north, feller of the mountain.”_

 

“ _Must you use all of my titles?”_ She refused to meet Octavia's gaze when she spoke in trigedasleng, she knew she'd only be met with confusion.

 

“ _We have someone who would like to see you.”_ The warrior relaxed his stance while the ones behind him did not. Slipping his arrow back into the quiver at his back and slipping the bow over his shoulder but Clarke studied the ones behind him. They wore the azgeda colors, black and white but the arrows they carried weren't all azgeda. The feathers weren't all black and white but a mixture. Brown, blacks, blues and even reds.

 

“ _Who?”_ She returned her gaze to the one speaking to her.

 

“ _We will take you to them.”_

 

“ _Not before you tell me who.”_ She folded her hands before herself and waited. They would have to either knock her unconscious or kill her before she chose to move with them.

 

“ _I can't tell you who.”_

 

“ _And why not.”_

 

She could just make out his dark eyes flicker to Octavia then back to herself and she understood. He didn't trust Octavia, he didn't even know who she was. Clarke sighed and looked over her shoulder at Octavia, the girl meeting her eyes then immediately returning to the warriors before them.

 

“ _You can trust Octavia kom skaikru.”_ She gestured for her to stand near her and she did. Moving quickly and positioning herself just behind Clarke. Her hand poised near Clarke's arm as if she'd need to push her aside should something go wrong. _“I trust her.”_

 

“You do?” Octavia asked in confusion quietly and Clarke nodded.

 

“ _Doesn't matter,”_ he looked away from them. To a spot not far away and Clarke followed his line of sight but found nothing yet as she turned to look at him again. A sound caught her attention, echoed footsteps then what sounded like doors opening and she whipped her head around back to the ground. To the metal doors that suddenly opened throwing dirt and leaves away but she looked back at the warrior.

 

“ _What is this?”_

 

“ _The ghosts are coming to meet you.”_

 

–

 

Ontari walked along walkway leading towards the main areas of the rebel camp that she'd come to learn was called Melier. The camp currently hosting over three hundred warriors, including the ones that had ridden southward with herself and Lagetha. But now she walked for the war room because she'd heard about two women being found near the entrance. Skaikru women to be exact and as she rounded a corner, she spotted one of them.

 

The girl standing between two tall men, her eyes narrowed and her long, dark brunette hair down her back in braids. Her olive skin seemed darker in the dimness of the hall she stood in and as Ontari passed her. Meeting her hazel eyes then entering the war room. The room instantly falling quiet at her abrupt entrance.

 

Bjorn frowned at her but she stayed, Lagetha sent her a harsh glare yet made no move to remove her. “As I was saying..” Bjorn began, clearing his throat but Ontari ignored him for the moment. Letting her gaze wash over the numerous heads of blonde. “Why are you this far _wanheda_?”

 

“I-”

 

“Clarke?” Ontari was confused, she thought Clarke was in Polis. She thought she was still with Lexa but she was there in the underground camp, surrounded by rebels. She had completely missed her in the crowd of blonde, blending in remarkably well but she pushed through. Coming to a stop next to her, meeting her blue eyes then meeting Bjorn's darker blue. “Why is she here?”

 

“She and her friend rode onto the grounds above camp. We couldn't just let them go when I realized who she was.” A warrior behind her explained but she didn't turn to face him. Only looking back to Clarke for her own explanation.

 

“You didn't tell me the rebellion was still alive Ontari,” Clarke touched her. Wrapping her fingers around her wrist and tugging. Her eyes locking onto brown and holding her steady, keeping her from looking around the room. A hint of betrayal evident but Ontari shook her head.

 

“I didn't know they were alive until a few days ago.” She replied truthfully and Clarke nodded slowly in understanding then turned her gaze back to Bjorn yet keeping her hand on Ontari. Keeping her close by and she intended to go no where else. She had no desire to leave her side again.

 

“Can I go on now?” Bjorn asked impatiently and Clarke nodded at him. “As I was saying.. why are you this far?”

 

“My friend brought me here, Octavia. We were riding to escape Arcadia for a little while and just managed to stumble onto it. We never would've known you were here if you hadn't sent warriors after us.”

 

“Very few people manage to just stumble onto this place. It is forgotten, left to rot by our people. By all of the people.”

 

“And yet here we are but why did you capture me?”

 

“You are _wanheda_ , the commander of death. You are seen as a leader of the skaikru and I..” he glanced to Ontari then back to Clarke, “we.. need your help.”

 

“You've decided to go with my plan?” Ontari asked and Bjorn nodded.

 

“Only if the skaikru agree to help us.” He eyed Clarke curiously.

 

"Tell me your plan," she tells him. Waiting for his single eye to flicker around the room to his generals as if they'd speak out against him but when nothing came he nodded.  
  
"The plan is to make the army disappear but in order for that to happen.. We need the skaikru. We need to fake a battle where your people win."  
  
"That will only bring bigger armies against the skaikru. It will push us into a position that we can't afford to be in." She purses her lips and glanced at Ontari before continuing. "Surely the azgeda have allies, ones that will join Nia should she call on them."  
  
"The azgeda have never had a reason to need allies." Ontari stated but even she knew that Nia couldn't start a grounder civil war and expect to win with only her own nation. It would require more that more coming from the other clans and she let out a defeated sigh. "But you're right.. she would need allies and as I've been told. She is managing to find them. Allies that could potentially attack the skaikru.” She murmured in realization.  
  
"Do you know who?"  
  
"No, Roan only said that ambassadors were coming and going often."  
  
"Your brother said that?" Lagetha suddenly asked, her hand on Ontari's arm and she nodded at the general. "I see.. Now may as good a time as any to deliver a key piece of information Bjorn."  
  
"What?"  
  
"It came to me from one of the men on guard, came by hawk from Siga just before _wanheda_ appeared. Nia is planning an uprising in Polis, her training at the borders was nothing more than a distraction as weapons were smuggled into the city." She finished and Ontari gaped at her.  
  
"I.. If that is true then I have to leave here. I have to warn the commander, I-" she breathed out a shaky breath and felt Clarke's fingers graze hers. "It was my task, a part of it anyway."  
  
"Task?" Bjorn asked in confusion and Ontari nodded rapidly.  
  
"She sent me to find out what Nia was planning. She wanted to know what was going on beyond the borders and this is a part of it. The uprising is a part of it and I have to go. I have to go back to her with this information." She turned to leave but Clarke caught her hand firmly then. Squeezing tightly and holding her on place.  
  
"I'll go with you."  
  
"And what of the plan? How do you intend to sneak into Polis without one of her spies catching you? How do you expect Heda to react to that type of information?" Lagetha asked and they were legitimate questions. Questions that Ontari hadn't yet considered but she had to get there. She had to make sure that her Heda survived to fight another battle if the city was taken by the azgeda.  
  
"I don't know but I'll figure it out." Ontari replied and pulled herself from Clarke's grip but the blonde hurried to catch up. Slipping through the door as the ice warrior paused near the mouth of the narrow hallway. One hand covering her eyes and the other lying over her ribs. "We'll go tonight Clarke, we'll enter the city during a changing of the guards. We'll find the commander and warn her." She dropped her hand from her eyes as the blonde came to a stop next to her.  
  
"And in the mean time?"  
  
"We just wait is all I know to do." She looked up, finding the other skai girl still being guarded. Her eyes narrowed in frustration and her lips twisted into a scowl. "Your friend.. she is a fighter?"  
  
"Octavia was Indra's second before the mountain fell."  
  
"She goes with us then, we'll need fighters just in case."  
  
"You still have no weapons.."  
  
"I'll get some but in the mean time, I'm going back to my room." She paused and eyed the blonde. "You're welcome to join me if you like."  
  
"You know what.. “ she licked her lips and nodded. “Yea, I will and you're going to let me look at your ribs that you keep holding."  
  
"I'm fine,” she lied with a frown.  
  
"Bullshit." She turned her attention to the guards near Octavia. "She doesn't need to be guarded."  
  
"General Lagetha ordered this." He told her with a frown.  
  
"General Lagetha has no power over my people." As she spoke the general herself stepped out of the war room. Her eyes focused on the back of Clarke's head.  
  
"The skai girl is no threat any longer. Let her do as she pleases.. within reason." The general grunted and the guards nodded in understanding before walking off but Lagetha came to a stop behind Clarke. The younger blonde turning to face her with a defiant look in her eyes. Daring the general to challenge her but the woman merely frowned before walking away.   
  
Octavia remained still in front of Clarke, eyeing her curiously. Flickering her gaze to Ontari next to her then quickly back to Clarke. Ontari swore she could see the workings of the girl's mind. Watching her piece something together in the time it took Clarke to finally open her own mouth and speak.

 

“Don't disappear Octavia, I'll find you when it gets dark.”

 

“How will you know?” The brunette asked and a hint of smile twitched at her lips. “Will you even be out from underneath your grounder girlfriend in time to realize its gone dark?”

 

“We're friends O.”

 

“Oh yeah, Lincoln and I are just best buddies too.” She crossed her arms over her stomach with a smirk. “So much the best of friends that we're actually best fuck buddies.”

 

“We're not-”

 

“Yeah yeah, just go.” She waved them off, not caring for Clarke to finish her sentence and took off on her own. Following the tunnel away from them and Clarke made a noise of frustration before looking at Ontari again.

 

“Lead the way. I still intend to look at whatever it is that's hurting you right now.”

 

“I told you I'm fine,” she pulled her hand away to prove her point then let it fall to Clarke's shoulder. Pointing her in the right direction.

 

“So if I were to punch you in the side.. it wouldn't hurt more than it normally would.”

 

“Like I would even feel you hitting-” she jerked away from the blonde when she suddenly turned. Her fist making a bee line for her ribs. The hint of a smile she'd started with gone in an instant, replaced by a worried frown.

 

“You're lying.. why do you insist on lying to me when I can see it plain as day?”

 

“I'll be fine.”

 

“What happened to you?” She stopped her and turned her to stand in the light of a torch on the wall next to them. Pushing her jacket aside and pulling up her shirt before she leaned over closer. Her fingers lightly pressing over the bruise that still remained but she kept quiet. Only looking back up to meet brown eyes then stepping back. Letting the shirt fall back into place. “You shouldn't be up and moving around Ontari. You should be resting, letting that heal but instead you're planning a war and intending to ride back to Polis as fast as you can.”

 

“And I'm fine to do it Clarke.”

 

“You're not fine,” her voice rose but she sighed and shook her head. Ontari instantly felt guilty keeping the extent of her injuries from Clarke. She knew the blonde was just trying to help her. “Let's just get back to your room okay?” She murmured.

 

She nodded, “we're almost there.”

 

–

 

Clarke worried for her friend and at first she hadn't noticed the subtle change in the way she walked. She hadn't noticed her favoring her left side or the way her hand seemed to subconsciously drift closer to her side more often than not. In fact she hadn't noticed anything beyond the relief she saw in her brown eyes. A relief she mirrored within herself at finally seeing the ice warrior again. Alive and not dead as she'd thought would happen while they were in Polis.

 

Now she only felt ashamed of herself for not noticing it all sooner.

 

What kind of friend even was she?

 

“Clarke? Are you okay?” The warrior asked suddenly, coming to a halt in front of a doorway. Extending her hand to the gray fabric over the door and pulling it back, gesturing for Clarke enter the room.

 

“Just thinking..” she muttered and stepped into the dark room. Minuscule light filtering in through a place in the ceiling, at least giving her a chance to not bump into anything in the darkness. The darkness suddenly being chased away as the candle on the table was lit. Filling the small room with a golden glow.

 

“About?”

 

“You.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yeah, take off your jacket and shirt.” She moved as the brunette did, pushing her jacket off before the warrior herself had a moment to register what she'd said. Pushing the rough material off and tossing it to the foot of the bed then her fingers meeting the hem of her soft shirt. Pulling it up and off despite Ontari's wince.

 

“What are you going to do?” She asked but Clarke kept quiet. Angling her body to face the light before her fingers met warm skin. Pressing a little harder this time and feeling over the expanse of the bruise rather than just the one place earlier. Yet as she touched her, she felt nothing broken. That alone made her feel better as she straightened up. Finding a pained look in Ontari's eyes that she was struggling to hide. “Well? Will I live?”

 

“Yes, nothing seems to be broken.”

 

“I could have told you that myself.” She sat on the bed and pulled Clarke down with her, wrapping an arm around her middle as she sat. Leaning into her heavily but Clarke didn't mind it. She was comfortable and warm. “The healers told me nothing was broken.”

 

“Healers?”

 

“Nadira and the azgeda army healers.” She explained and Clarke tensed up. Suddenly curious if the ice warrior had met Nadira and Alta both when Lexa had sent her on her task. It was possible but how she would have managed to get there would be news to her.

 

“You met her? Her and Alta both?”

 

“Sha, Alta is..” she paused and hummed a moment. “Terrifying.”

 

Clarke nodded, “she can be.” She shifted beneath Ontari, touching her hand gently. “You should get some rest.”

 

“Only if you stay.” She lied back in the bed, dragging Clarke with her and wrapping an arm around her waist. Keeping her in place firmly but furthering her grip on her by slipping one leg over Clarke's, tightening her grip on her.

 

“I couldn't even say no if I wanted to could I?”

 

“No.”

 

“Then I'll stay.”

 

–

 

Moonlight filtered through the treetops and painted the forest floor in its silvery glow. Shadows danced in the shifting breeze but Clarke focused on guiding her horse between the tall trees. Trying to ignore the cold that settled on her bare hands and the heat at her back. Ontari lying against her with her hands bound behind her and a hood over her head. An idea that the ice warrior had had back at the camp before they left. In order to hide her from azgeda spies within the city was to turn her into a prisoner once again but a prisoner of Clarke.

 

But with the decision came Clarke being able to insist on a slower pace than Ontari originally intended. Less stress on her body as they cut through the woods instead of taking the road. Cutting the time it took to reach Polis by hours but now as they rode. Ontari murmured quietly to her, telling her what had happened to her in their time apart. About the arrow that had gone through her arm and left what would surely be a new scar. About being kicked in the head but then about the bounty hunter who found her. The one she hadn't seen since she'd left Ontre.

 

Eventually Ontari fell quiet and she could hear her horse in the leaves underfoot. Octavia on her own horse behind them quiet as well. Only the sounds of the wind in the trees above and Clarke shifted slightly in the saddle. Ontari seeming to shift with her but leaning away from her.

 

“You should hide your hair before we get any closer to the city.” She murmured quietly and Clarke nodded. Dropping the reins but guiding the horse with her knees as she pulled a black length of cloth from the bag tied around the saddle horn. Draping it over her shoulders then covering her hair along with the hilt of her sword. “And now you felt into the darkness like a slithering black snake.” The ice warrior murmured.

 

“Maybe now you wouldn't be able to spot me so easily.”

 

“I am the greatest tracker in-”

 

“The north and the south, none surpass you.” She finished for her and Ontari chuckled while Octavia behind them scoffed quietly. Mumbling under her breath but Clarke couldn't make out her words.

 

She focused her attention instead of the city that began to appear before them. Walls dark but she could just make out the glint of metal in moonlight that managed to seep through the clouds. The tower in the distance glowing as the flame on top burned brightly. She adjusted the cloth of her head before they approached the gate before them. The guards making no move to stop them as they passed through.

 

“They didn't stop us.. why.” Octavia asked once she'd ridden closer to Clarke.

 

“I don't know.” Clarke dismounted her horse at the stables, helping Ontari off as Octavia dismounted her own horse. The brunette falling into step behind Clarke as they headed for the tower. Ontari walking slowly just before Clarke in her grip. Giving the near perfect image of a prisoner and her captor.

 

“Polis is.. big,” Octavia commented and Clarke nodded in agreement. Leading the way into the tower but they were met by guards. The warriors grabbing her roughly as they grabbed Ontari and Octavia.

 

“ _Let us through, we're here to see heda.”_ Clarke hissed.

 

“ _No one sees heda Lexa until she wakes at dawn.”_ The man gripping her shoulder grunted.

 

“ _This is important.”_

 

“ _No, now go.”_ He squeezed her tighter and she clenched her jaw. Holding her ground as the guards attempted to remove her from the tower but failing as she shoved into him. Managing to knock him back further into the room until another guard grabbed her but didn't move to remove her. Only resting a gloved hand on her shoulder.

 

“ _Wanheda is allowed to stay in the tower until heda Lexa wakes, she and her group.”_ The guard spoke and Clarke recognized Silver's voice but for a moment she wondered if the other man would listen to him.

 

“ _Heda Lexa-”_ The angry guard began.

 

“ _Heda Lexa treated her as a high ranking guest once before and she would do it again. Wanheda will always be treated as such.”_ Silver replied and the guard nodded in understanding. The tension in the room melting away as Silver lead them to the lift. Boarding with them but he kept quiet as they rode up. Only stepping off the floor that Clarke had once stayed on then lead them straight down the hallway. Past more guards and paused at the room she recognized as the blue room. “I know seeing heda Lexa is important but we may only wake her should a battle or war breakout.”

 

She nodded, choosing to keep her true intentions under wraps despite the possibility of war heavy on the horizon. “I see.”

 

“Stay here until heda Lexa wakes, I will keep watch outside.”

 

“Thank you Silver.” She pushed into the room, pulling Ontari with her and Octavia brought up the rear. The brunette heading further into the room and lighting a candle with a bit of flint. Filling the cold room with a warm light.

 

“You seem to have some power here Clarke,” Octavia pointed out and Clarke nodded. Pulling the hood off of Ontari's head and untying her bonds.

 

“Managed to make a friend or two while I was here.”

 

“Lucky for us..” she looked around the room and frowned. “Don't know why you'd want to leave though.”

 

“For peace.”

 

“You sure it wasn't for her?” She nodded at Ontari and Clarke shook her head. Wondering why the brunette was so into the belief that she and Ontari were more than friends. Sure they'd slept together once but that was it. There was nothing beyond that, they were friends pure and simple. “Whatever.. I'm going to look around the city. Don't think I could sleep if I wanted to.”

 

“Don't get caught, the guards will take your weapons.” She slipped off her own weapon and hung it on the metal bed frame. Octavia nodded in understanding and left the room. Leaving Ontari and Clarke alone once more. Ontari made a beeline for the bed, sitting down slowly but Clarke headed for the window. Looking out over the dark city.

 

“This was your room?” Ontari asked suddenly behind Clarke. Pressing warmly into her back and Clarke nodded. Shifting when her arm circled her waist, her head coming to rest on Clarke's shoulder. “Besides the commander's balcony.. it has one of the best views.”

 

“Never stood on the balcony.”

 

“You should some day, it is breathtaking.”

 

“And you should be resting. Morning is bound to be crazy.” In reality she didn't know what was going to happen. She didn't know if Lexa would try to find the smuggled weapons, try to find the traitors or what but she did know it would be a whirlwind of activity.

 

“Perhaps but it is a long way off,” she tugged the cloth off of Clarke's head and her hand slipped beneath her shirt. Resting on the warmth of her stomach and Clarke sighed, getting the idea of what Ontari was attempting to make a move for.

 

“You shouldn't tire yourself out any more than you already are.”

 

“Who says this would tire me out?” Her hand pushed beneath the waistband of Clarke's pants then beneath her underwear. Cupping her dampening sex and Clarke sucked in a sharp breath.

 

“Me..” she breathed out. Fingers slipping through her folds and dipping into her gently.

 

“Body says otherwise.” She mused aloud and fingers grazed over Clarke's clit. Circling slowly before dipping back into her, gathering more wetness but Clarke gripped her wrist. Bringing her movements to a halt and pulling her hand free. Turning to face the ice warrior but releasing her. Her hands finding the belt of Ontari's pants and turning them so Ontari's back was to the windowsill. “What are you doing?”

 

Clarke shrugged and dropped to her knees, pulling Ontari's pants down along with her underwear. Unlacing her boots and pulling them off to free Ontari's legs from her clothes. Inching forward and spreading her legs as the brunette held onto the stone behind her. Letting out a soft whimper when Clarke's tongue met her center but the blonde pulled back a moment.

 

“You have to be quiet.”

 

“Yeah yeah just..” she cut herself off when the blonde dragged her tongue up her center. Her arms wrapping around her thighs to hold her in place and to keep her from falling over the windowsill. She let out a quiet moan but clamped her hand over her mouth. Clenching her teeth when Clarke pushed her tongue into her, her fingers finding Ontari's clit in the dim light from the candle behind her. Rubbing slow circles but speeding up in time with the thrusts of her tongue. Driving Ontari to the finish line and not slowing when quivering thighs tightened around her head.

 

“I'm gonna..” her words muffled by her hand and Clarke squeezed her thigh in response. Trying to tell her to let go and the brunette squeezed her eyes shut. Letting out a groan as she came on Clarke's tongue but the blonde remained on her knees a minute longer. Devouring her release before rising slowly, pulling Ontari into her arms gently as she brunette panted against her. Giving her time to calm down before pressing a kiss to her temple. Holding onto her a moment longer, hoping it was enough of an apology for not realizing Ontari was hurting earlier.

 

“Now you can get some rest before dawn.” She whispered and Ontari nodded. Pulling away and pulling her clothes back on but leaving her boots off before sitting down on the bed. Making sure the blonde followed her then kissing her softly on the lips. Not seeming to mind the taste of herself before lying back into the furs to await dawn.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little confession but I am totally guilty of switching out a number of scenes just so I could have Clarke and Ontari be together again sooner.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little warning to you guys about this chapter. There is a scene near the end that does hit close to the events in 3x07 but with a few exceptions. If anyone simply wants to skip this chapter than that's cool, its just a build up to the next chapter with some knife throwing. If anybody wants to skip it but still wants to know what happens then just ask in the comments and I'll summarize it to the best of my abilities. If anybody decides to read it all the way through then that's awesome but no less love to anybody who doesn't.
> 
> An official trigger warning that somebody dies and its a bit graphic (to my standards anyway).

Clarke woke entangled in Ontari's arms and legs before the sun managed to peak above the horizon. The sky already lightening as she rose from the bed, pulling on her boots but stopping to stand in the window. Resting her hands on the rough stone and peering out over the trees to the ocean. A clear sky greeting her but she turned as the doors opened behind her. Octavia slipping in quietly but walking up to Clarke, tugging off the shawl she seemed to have found some time in the night.

 

“The commander is awake, I heard her handmaidens talking down the hallway but I don't think she knows you're here yet.”

 

Clarke nodded then glanced at Ontari before meeting Octavia's eyes again in the dim light. “I'll give her a little more time to sleep.”

 

Octavia nodded slowly, “are you sure you two aren't..”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I see,” Octavia shifted under Clarke's stare then retreated to one of the chairs in the room. Slipping off her sword quickly then taking a seat. Leaning back and closing her eyes but Clarke ignored her. Crossing back to the bed and grabbing her sword, slipping it over her shoulder then leaving the room. Nodding at Silver before wandering off down the hallway. Past Lexa's throne room and the room she assumed to be her bedroom then taking the stairs rather than the lift. Following the slowly winding descent to another floor but finding it barren of guards and even people. Several more floors yielding the same until one didn't.

 

Immediately picking up the unmistakable sound of voices speaking rapidly in trigedasleng and she paused in the dimly lit hallway. Listening intently as the voices tapered off and silence filling the hallway as she continued down it. Passing open doorways that lead to empty rooms that slowly filled with the glow of the sun as the opposite side remained dark. She walked until she came to a doorway that wasn't open and inviting but closed off and dark. As if it had no windows and no one chose to light it with candles but she reached out regardless. Tugging on the silver handles but the doors didn't budge. They remained closed and Clarke let out a quiet huff before releasing the handles.

 

“ _Do you need something from the armory?”_ A rough, deep voice asked from behind her and she turned to face the speaker. Finding a man that towered over her, the top of his head reaching closer to the top of the door frame he stood in than anyone she'd seen before and her eyes widened. She scanned him, finding jagged lines with what she thought to be a river down the center tattooed in black and blue down the golden skin of his arms. The tattoo reaching down to his fingertips on each arm but she quickly met his dark hazel eyes that shined with flecks of green.

 

“ _I..”_ She felt fear prick at her heart as she stood tensely beneath his gaze.

 

“ _I will not hurt you, speak.”_ He told her gently as he leaned against the doorway he stood in. Running his large hand over his head, scratching at the thin, black mohawk before crossing his arms.

 

“ _I do need something.”_ She shifted and he nodded slowly, gesturing for her to continue. For her to tell him what she wanted exactly from the locked room. _“Daggers.”_

 

“ _Has heda agreed to this?”_ He asked and Clarke nodded slowly before opening her mouth to give him an exact answer but he raised his hand to her with a chuckle. _“I will take wanheda's word of it.”_

 

“ _Of course you know me..”_ she clicked her tongue but relaxed. Stepping aside for the large man as he pulled a latch free from the very top of the door then pulling the doors open. The scent of worn leather hitting her as she followed the man into the armory. Watching as he pulled flint from his pocket, lighting a candle on a small table near the doors. _“But who are you?”_

 

“ _I am Obelisk but I prefer Obe.”_ He flashed her a smile and picked up the candle before he walked down to the far end of the room. Pushing open a set of wooden shutters and light flooding the room. Reflecting off the edge's of swords and axes ranging in a multitude of sizes. _“You will call me Obe as well wanheda.”_

 

So this was the man she'd heard mentioned about once, the captain of the guard. _“I'd prefer Clarke.”_

 

“ _Ah.. Clarke kom skaikru.”_ He nodded but made his way back to her. Holding out the still burning candle to her and she took it carefully. Avoiding the hot wax that inched down the sides. _“Daggers you said?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

He nodded and scanned the weapons before inching away from her. His eyes following the left side then pulling a tarp away from a tall box beneath sheathed swords that shifted from the tarp being pulled away. He motioned her over and she obeyed, coming to a stop next to him and the light from the candle illuminating the box. Inside were knives and daggers alike, some bound together by leather but others lying loosely in leather sheaths.

 

“ _Daggers for you I guess?”_

 

“ _Yes,”_ she lied and he nodded. Grabbing a set of bound daggers. Drawing them free from their sheath and the dull metal still managed to gleam in the sunlight. He gripped the leather bound iron hilts tightly between his fingers but presented them to her to look for herself. The blades long but still shorter than her forearms and she held out her free hand. The man flipping one blade to his other hand and holding it out in his palm for her to take it.

 

“ _They are light, light enough to be thrown if need be.”_ He explained and she silently agreed with a nod, weighing it in her hand. Hoping they would be to Ontari's standards as she handed the dagger back to him. The man sheathing it once more and tying them back together before reaching back into the box. Pulling out a short knife in a dark leather sheath. The hilt tightly bound in dark brown leather, _“I noticed you did not have one so I insist that you take it.”_

 

“ _Thank you,”_ she murmured. Accepting the weapons from him and as she moved to give him space to stand. She felt Ontari's knife press into her ankle. A knife she'd be giving back soon enough but she pushed the thought away. She watched him cross back to the back of the room and pull the shutters closed then return to her. She scanned the weapons before he reached her and paused at the glint of a weapon hidden behind an axe. A sword that leaned that against the wall, the tip meeting the floor but as she moved to examine it further. Obe reached her, gesturing for her to follow him and she forced herself to move. Leaving the mysterious weapon to be forgotten again.

 

“ _Come,”_ he led her back through the room. To the doors but held the doorknob as she passed him back into the long hallway. Half turning to watch him close the double doors again and pull the latch back down at the top. Flashing her another gentle smile before taking his leave, returning to the room across the hall but she made her way back to the top floor.

 

Climbing the stairs quietly and carefully. Straining her ears for voices but when she finally reached the top. She realized the tower was incredibly quiet, quieter than her first visit and it bothered her. Not because her steps seemed to echo off the walls but because of what she knew. No one was preparing for the coming war but she knew that was only because Lexa knew nothing of it. Not yet at least, she would know once Clarke brought Ontari to her or vice versa.

 

She paused in the closed doorway of the throne room. The usual guards who stood outside missing and she reached out. Gripping the chipped gold, slender handles and turned them down. Opening the doors just wide enough for her to slip in then closing them behind herself. The room dimly lit and cool as she walked soundlessly over the red rug leading up to the wooden throne. The intertwining branches casting shadows but she passed the throne. Stepping through the sheer, white curtains behind it onto the balcony overlooking the city. Walking to the edge of the crumbling stone, green vines managing to sprout between the cracks but she let out a breath at the sight.

 

Ontari had been right.

 

It had a better view than the blue room, it was absolutely breathtaking. The city below wasn't as hidden by trees on this side of the tower. She could easily pick out the red brick of some buildings, the browns and metal roofs glinting in the morning sun. The market below stretching out and people already beginning to crowd the streets. Their voices not quite reaching her but sounds of the city _breathing_ did. It breathed with a certain strength that was threatened by the azgeda. It was threatened with death, the heart of the city threatened with death herself.

 

“Clarke?”

 

She half turned her head at her name being spoken by the heart and she turned to face her completely. The wind tossing braid free curls over her shoulder and Clarke met confused green eyes. The commander only half ready for her day, her coat open but dagger strapped to her thigh. Her hands laced together at her front.

 

“Commander.” She blinked and the confusion was gone. Masked and steeling over, her head rising that only told Clarke that Lexa had shifted into the commander. She was there to play her part and not play the girl that Clarke knew she was beneath her armor. “I have someone that needs to see you.”

 

“Who.”

 

Clarke peered behind Lexa and took several steps forward. Making her way closer and she felt the air around them shift. Nothing of fear or confusion but as if Lexa already knew what she was going to tell her and Clarke wondered if she really did. If someone had told her that she was already there but by the look she'd given her minutes before. She didn't think anyone had, that maybe Lexa gave off what she did so that no one could or would hold power over her.

 

“We are alone Clarke.”

 

“And I have a prisoner for you.”

 

“Prisoner..” she nodded but her eyes were still made of steel. Keeping every emotion from Clarke. “Take me to your prisoner.”

 

“Come,” Clarke stepped past her and the commander followed quietly. Allowing herself to be lead to the blue room, past Silver where he still stood at the door and inside. The guard closing the doors behind them but Lexa stopped while Clarke crossed the room. Meeting Ontari's expecting brown eyes. Her hands free and unbound where she sat on the bed. “She has something to tell you commander.”

 

Lexa nodded and allowed herself to walk. Her fingers nimbly clasping her coat together as she came to a halt in the center of the room. “Speak Ontari.”

 

“Nia plans to attack the city.” She stood and approached Lexa. “The army at the border was nothing more than a distraction for her to smuggle weapons into the city. She wants to take the city and she has the power to do it. She has allies in many of the clans, she has supporters within the city itself but I don't know when she plans to make her move.”

 

Lexa's gaze remained steely and cold. Her body completely unwilling to give anything away to what she was feeling as she was given the information but suddenly she pursed her lips. Turning her head down and away from Ontari, focusing her attention on the floor as if in thought for several minutes until she suddenly nodded. Her eyes back on Ontari's face and nodding again. “I see.”

 

“But you are not alone heda.” Ontari took a step back and knelt before Lexa. Never allowing her eyes to leave her face where she rested on both knees. Before Lexa, Clarke and the silent Octavia in the chair by the window. “I swear my loyalty to you heda Lexa kom trikru, uniter and commander of the twelve clans. My weapons are yours, my blood is yours, my life is yours but I ask only for your forgiveness of my crimes in return.”

 

“You shall have it.” Lexa gestured with her hand for her to rise. Watching her carefully as she rose to stand before her commander. “How did you come by this information?”

 

“The azgeda rebellion, they have their own spies within Nia's walls. They have an army hidden underground, an army that I was given to wipe out the skaikru with but when I learned that it was made up of rebels. I was given the chance to refuse without risking lives..”

 

“And yet lives will be lost when the attack begins here.” She shook her head, “thank you for what you have given me Ontari but now we must try to keep those who are still loyal alive. Nia intends to start an unnecessary war with the attack but I hope to stop it.”

 

“How?”

 

“By any means necessary... come with me.” She turned on her heel and Ontari moved to follow but she was stopped by Clarke. The blonde reaching out and grabbing her arm.

 

“Wait a minute,” she held out the bound daggers. “To replace the ones you lost protecting me from that cat.”

 

Ontari nodded, “thank you Clarke.” She took them from her and tied them to her belt in the middle of her back beneath her jacket. Straightening up a little taller than she had stood before, stronger and more prepared for the world but Clarke kept her from leaving as she pulled the brunette's knife from her boot. Holding it out carefully and the ice warrior accepting it. “I had wondered where this went.”

 

“I found it in the street in that village. The one you were captured in.” She explained as the warrior sheathed it. Patting the hilt at her waist and nodding.

 

“Thank you,” she faced the commander once more. The woman standing near the door with her hand on the doorknob. Watching the exchange carefully but making her move to leave when Ontari crossed over to her. The two disappearing through the doorway and Lexa's voice suddenly filling the hallway in a shout for Titus.

 

“Do the azgeda really intend to attack Polis?” Octavia asked suddenly. Rising from her seat and pushing her hands into her pockets. Hazel eyes glinting in curiosity and Clarke nodded but she kept quiet. Wondering if Lexa really could stop the attack before it began. If she would clear the city of smuggled weapons, that it would hopefully put a stop to Nia's intentions. “And what do you want to do Clarke? Do you want to go back to Arcadia or do you want to stay in Polis to see this out?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

“Well figure it out because I go where you go.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Last time I left you.. you disappeared and maybe I don't want you to end up dying before I can get my rematch with you.” She smiled cockily and Clarke shook her head, the hint of a smile threatening to break through but she kept it locked down. “But if we stay then we should try to make ourselves useful.”

 

“Agreed.”

 

Clarke left the room and Octavia followed, making their way to the still quiet throne room. Pushing their way through the double doors and into the room filled with guards. Obe at Lexa's left as Ontari stood on her right. The commander speaking in a harsh tone, commanding her guards to find the smuggled weapons at any cost but Clarke and Octavia kept to the back of the room. Standing off to the side as they listened and keep still when the guards began to move. Filing out in groups of four until the room was empty aside from themselves, Obe, Ontari and Lexa. Titus no where to be seen but Clarke could assume that he was taking care of something for Lexa.

 

“ _Obe, you and your most trusted go to the barracks and search for weapons that don't belong.”_ She commanded him and he nodded before taking his leave. Striding from the room with a fury in his eyes, his large hand resting on the top of the long sword at his hip then Lexa looked over at Ontari. _“Go and find Titus, make sure he has the nightbloods somewhere safe. I will find you should I require you.”_

 

“ _Sha heda,”_ the warrior descended the steps and left the throne room but not before casting a quick glance at Clarke, nodding to her curtly.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa rose from her seat as Clarke and Octavia approached the throne. The commander herself coming to a stop on the very last step. “You're still here.”

 

“The azgeda plan to attack your city and I'm pretty sure if they manage to win the fight then they'll come for my people. That is something I don't want to happen so yes I am here, I'm here to help you in any way that I can.” She glanced back at Octavia. Silently asking if she too would stay and the brunette nodded. “Octavia and I.. will help in any way we can,” she corrected.

 

“I'm doing everything in my power to stop the attack from happening..” she paused and averted her gaze from Clarke a moment. Studying Octavia then back to Clarke, her eyes alight with something akin to an idea but Clarke kept her mouth shut. Waiting for the commander to speak up herself rather than force it out of her. Lexa nodded, “Octavia.”

 

“Commander.”

 

“Go to Ton DC, find Indra and tell her to raise an army in my name. The army is for the protection of Arcadia. Waste no time Octavia kom skaikru.”

 

“Sha heda,” the girl turned on her heel and left the throne room in a rush. Leaving the two of them alone once more in the large room but neither spoke until the doors behind Clarke closed. The sound echoing through the empty space around them.

 

“That wasn't a part of the treaty Lexa, at least I don't think it was. Somebody chose to keep me out of that meeting despite it being about my people..”

 

“No, it wasn't but it is necessary.” Lexa frowned, “Nia is a cruel leader, she is ruthless and bloodthirsty. If the attack fails on Polis then she will find someone to attack and wipe out to sate that blood thirst that is an ally with me but not an ally of hers. Arcadia is a strong possibility, fitting as most of the clans would agree with her but in order to wipe them out. She'll have to go through me.” She remained calm as she spoke but Clarke could tell she meant it. She could see the seriousness flash through her eyes before disappearing.

 

“So you protect them and risk putting the clans that already agree with the treaty at risk.” She shook her head. “Smart move..” she muttered sarcastically.

 

“You're right, the clans that agree with the treaty would be less than pleased with this decision but I will do what I must to protect the innocent.” She paused and bit her lip in thought before continuing. “Consider it as a form of an apology to your people. The treaty was a start to that but I am furthering it now.”

 

Clarke heard the underlying message, she heard that it wasn't just Lexa furthering her apology to Clarke's people but to her as well. Making up for something she had to do in order to protect her own people and Clarke nodded. She would've done the same.

 

“I see.. now how can I help?”

 

“I have everything under control Clarke.”

 

“You have your guards scrambling all over the city looking for smuggled weapons.” She shifted her weight and took a step closer. “There is a good chance that there is azgeda supporters among your guards. Enough to make sure that those weapons were able to even get into the city in the first place. Hell Lexa, I even rode into the city last night with my sword. As did Octavia, no one stopped us. No one even stopped me the first time I came into the city with my weapons and I didn't even try to hide my weapons the first time. So let me help search the city for weapons.”

 

“If you somehow wound up in a group of supporters they would attack you to keep the weapons hidden. They would kill you and I'm not about to risk wanheda dying to azgeda supporters.”

 

Clarke sighed, knowing that it was more than Lexa was letting on. She could see it in her eyes, she could hear it in her voice. She'd spent months thinking that Clarke was already dead only to learn that wasn't and she wasn't about to give it the chance to become reality. She shook her head, “they could try but its doubtful that they'd win.”

 

“The azgeda are not to be underestimated Clarke.” Lexa's frown deepened, “they-”

 

“I know how they are Lexa.. you don't have to explain them to me.”

 

“What? How do you-” She cut herself off as the doors behind Clarke opened. A guard coming to a halt in the doorway and Clarke faced him. Unable to see his face through the mask that he wore. _“What is it?”_

 

“ _We've received reports of an azgeda army forming outside the walls of Polis heda.”_

 

Lexa remained silent and Clarke looked back up at her, finding shock written plainly on her face then back to the guard. The man frozen beneath his commander's stare. Clarke moved towards him, resting her hand on his arm but drew it back. Blood, sticky and wet coating her hand as she looked up at his face again. Finding the warrior staring down at her.

 

“You're hurt?”

 

“It isn't my blood wanheda, it is the enemies.” They both looked back to the commander and her mask fell back into place. No surprise, no shock, no fear, nothing but _heda. “What will you have us do heda Lexa?”_

 

“ _I call upon the armies of the eleven clans, go and send riders immediately. If the azgeda want a war then they shall have it.”_ She commanded harshly and the guard nodded. Turning to leave and Lexa reclaimed her throne. Propping her head up on her hands in thought.

 

“Nia has allies Lexa.. not all of the clans will respond. None of them may respond even.” She silently hoped that some would. That the ones in agreement with Lexa's peace treaty with the skaikru would respond and she wondered for a moment if the peace treaty had cut Lexa's allies in half. If it had pushed clans to join the azgeda because if it had then her people would have no choice but to join. It would be their war as much as it would be Lexa's.

 

“If not then this is the end of the coalition. The leaders will come together to remove me from power and exile me or even kill me then a new commander will be chosen from the nightbloods.” She explained and sat back in her seat. Her eyes focused on the floor.

 

“Nightbloods?”

 

She looked up and met Clarke's blue eyes. “Those deemed to carry the commander's spirit the strongest and ascend the throne.”

 

“They are already alive?”

 

“Yes, we are all born with a piece of the commander's spirit but some are born with more than others. When I die the nightbloods will fight one another to the death until only one remains.” She quieted and drew in a shaky breath. A certain pain behind her eyes before she continued. “The same as I did.. the same as those before me.”

 

“Interesting but how about we deal with this war at hand and not about thinking who will ascend the throne should you happen to die.” She hoped to get the commander focused on something different as she herself didn't want to think about Lexa dying. She may still be angry with her, she may still feel betrayed but that didn't mean she wanted her to die and maybe that meant she never intended to kill her herself.

 

“Yes,” the commander stood and made her way down the steps. Passing Clarke and leaving her throne room quickly. Her coat tail lifting as she walked but Clarke didn't follow. Just watched her through the open doors but not turn towards the lift or the stairs leading down. She assumed the commander was going to her room for something and that she would return to the throne room. Ready to fight the coming war and Clarke mentally prepared herself as well. Knowing she would have to cut down countless warriors for herself and her people.

 

She will herself to move but froze when Evangeline passed the open door outside of the throne room. Walking the same way Lexa had gone but her body a hundred times more rigid and tense as she moved. Her lips turned down into a frown and Clarke moved quietly to the doorway. Waiting a moment and listening intently as a set of doors opened before she moved. Following the handmaiden but stopping just beside Lexa's door, peering in quietly.

 

The woman standing several feet away from Lexa and still tense. A bulge at the back of her pants but hidden beneath her shirt. Lexa faced her slowly, war paint shining and still wet against her skin. Her sword at her hip but patiently waiting for Evangeline to speak or move.

 

“ _Evangeline.. is there something you needed?”_ She asked and cocked her head slightly in curiosity. The handmaiden's right hand suddenly slipping behind her back. Beneath her shirt and Clarke's eyes widened at the gun she produced from the waistband of her pants. Bringing it around and Lexa visibly swallowed as the woman gripped it tightly in her hand. Aiming for her chest, _“what are you doing?”_

 

“ _Obeying the orders given to me by my queen.”_ Her index finger rested on the trigger but Lexa remained still.

 

“ _Why? What does she have over you?”_ Lexa's eyes dropped to the gun then back to Evangeline's eyes. _“This isn't something you have to do, you have the choice to disobey.”_ Her voice wasn't pleading but simply stating a fact.

 

“ _To disobey the ice queen is to disobey my nation. I will be unworthy of its title attached to my name. I will be unworthy of her love.”_ She spoke coldly and Clarke inched into the room. Drawing her knife from its sheath and holding it loosely. Preparing herself to throw should Evangeline even appear to want pull the trigger. _“With your death I will be free to return home, to my people.. where I belong.”_

 

“ _You will die before you escape this tower.”_ Lexa hissed, her patience clearly lost and took a step closer. The handmaiden jerking in response, the gun still aimed for Lexa's chest. Her grip tightening, white knuckled around the black metal but she didn't pull the trigger just yet.

 

“ _Wrong. I will kill you and then I will kill the traitor daughter of the ice nation. Your blood will spill across this floor and no one will be here to save you from death.”_ She spoke through clenched teeth and her finger seemed to tighten around the trigger. _“Now die!”_

 

Lexa jerked as if preparing for impact but it never came. Her eyes widening at the knife tip that protruded from Evangeline's neck. Blood stained point exposed through her pale skin and her grip loosening on the gun before it hit the floor. Her hand rising slowly to her throat and blood bubbled up over her tongue. Spilling from her mouth and she coughed once, blood splattering across Lexa's chin and throat before Evangeline fell to the floor.

 

Her blood spilling across the floor instead of Lexa's and Clarke stepped up. Refusing to look down at the dead girl and instead meeting Lexa's still wide eyes. A look of gratitude mixed with confusion pooling there. Her eyes following Clarke as the blonde bent to pull her knife from the back of Evangeline's throat. Wiping her blade clean on the back of her shirt before sheathing it.

 

“Are you okay?” She asked and Lexa nodded before staring down at her now dead handmaiden. “Not sure how she got the gun.” She bent and picked it up, “I threw it into a ravine after I left Arcadia. I didn't think anyone would find it but I guess I was wrong.”

 

Lexa sucked in a breath, “it should be destroyed so it never happens again.”

 

“I agree..” she pushed it into the waistband of her pants. Ignoring the floor of memories of those who had died by the gun. “I guess we're even now though Lexa.”

 

“Even?”

 

“You saved me once with a knife and now so have I.” Clarke remembered it specifically. The knife cleanly protruding through Quint's hand before the _pauna_ killed him but she focused her attention on the now rather than the past. “We should go, there is no telling how many other assassins Nia has sent to kill you in this tower alone.”

 

“You're right,” but she knelt down. Slipping her fingers over Evangeline's eyes, “yu gonplei ste odon.” She murmured gently before straightening up and stepping around her body. “I had no idea.. she was in the city when I first came myself.”

 

“It just goes to show that sometimes we never truly know the people around us but its over. Shes gone and we have to focus, you have to focus.”

 

Lexa nodded in agreement and met Clarke's cautioned gaze. “You're right, let's go.”

 

Clarke led the way from the bedroom. Still refusing to look down at Evangeline as they stepped out into the hall. Lexa falling into step alongside her until guiding her away from the lift. Leading her down the stairs wordlessly and Clarke ground her teeth at their descent. Her legs burning but Lexa didn't slow. Not until they finally reached the empty bottom floor and Lexa glanced at her before drawing her sword then stepping out into the streets of Polis.

 

Yells, screams and the sounds of battle ringing out all around them as blood stained the dirt not far away. The dead body of a guard with a arrow through the chest, the feathers black and white. Telling of an azgeda archer and Lexa frowned.

 

“They are in the city.”

 

“So it seems.”

 

“I will take you to Titus.. you'll be safe with him. You-”

 

“No.” Clarke drew her own sword, gripping it tightly in her left hand and meeting Lexa's hardened gaze. She shook her head in defiance, “I stay with you. You added protection to that peace treaty and I intend to make sure you see it through. Either you and I both die in this fight or neither of us at all. Do you understand me?”

 

The commander wordlessly held out her arm after a heart beat but Clarke hesitated before accepting. Holding out her own arm and Lexa firmly gripped her, holding her gaze with every intention of seriousness. “I do and if we survive then I have one thing to ask of you.”

 

“What is it?”

 

“The skaikru join the remaining coalition. Your people become my people. Any of the clans still within the coalition will not attack them and treat them as allies. They will be safer within it as will you.” Lexa seemed to hold her breath waiting for Clarke's response. The blonde studying her for anything that read differently than she proposed but she found nothing.

 

With a slow nod she agreed. “Okay then.. I agree but I am not their leader, I'm nothing to them but someone who abandoned them.”

 

“You fight for their safety and you are willing to risk your life for them.. that makes you more than just someone who left them Clarke.” Lexa tightened her grip on Clarke's arm before releasing her. Taking a step back and turning her gaze to the warriors who approached them. Azgeda warriors by the look of their armor, “and now it is time to fight Clarke.”

 

“And fight we will.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how he who shall not be named can kill off characters like he does because I killed off just one of my babies and it hurt but now I shall run away to get my ass handed to me in LoL as a distraction.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for not updating last week. I wasn't sure about this update then and I'm still not entirely sure now. Hopefully Lexa's reaction to badass Clarke is decent enough but if not then hey, no one is perfect and I most certainly am not.

Lexa pulled in a deep breath threw her nose, breathing in the promise of battle but ridding herself of nerves as she exhaled. Shifting her body to stand more in front of Clarke rather than beside her, her sword gripped tightly in her right and preparing herself to face the warriors that approached. She counted at least ten but she knew more could be behind them before they finally met her. Azgeda war cries filling the air and she shivered in anticipation for the first strike.

 

She glanced back at Clarke and met her eyes, finding a certain calmness within her that Lexa found strange. Stranger still when the woman stepped up next to her. Sword still gripped tightly but a knife in her right hand. Fearing nothing as she prepared to clash with the warriors that charged for them. Weapons at the ready and Lexa turned her gaze back to the azgeda, fighting the desire to simply push Clarke away as the first strike came.

 

A bloodied sword swinging for her head but she ducked, kicking in her attacker's knee and slashing the throat before moving on. Grabbing the back of a warrior's armor as they charged for Clarke, throwing him onto the sword of another. Screams of pain drowned out by the sound of swords meeting and she whipped her head around to find Clarke. Searching her out in a fit of panic as the blonde drove her fist into the man's unmasked face. Knocking him away long enough to slash her knife across his throat. Blood spilling out and painting her but she seemed unaffected as she moved onto another.

 

Dancing around blood soaked blades from previous fights, twisting and moving so they had no chance to soak them again on her blood. Moving in such a way that Lexa was momentarily enamored by her but the feeling was pushed away as Clarke suddenly faced her. Her blood sprayed face twisted into a scowl as she grabbed Lexa's arm. Yanking her backward and out of the path of an axe. The weapon missing and embedding itself in the blood soaked earth near her feet. The warrior who had thrown it charging her but she yanked the axe free. Slamming it into their chest and a loud grunt filling her ears as the air was knocked from his lungs. She planted her boot against his chest, driving the axe in deeper before she forced him away. Backing herself into a body behind her.

 

“Pay attention Lexa!” Clarke hissed at her back, her warmth suddenly disappearing and Lexa ground her teeth. She couldn't see her, not if she wanted to survive the fight. She couldn't make sure she lived and the only choice she had was to trust in what Clarke seemed to have learned in her months away. The woman held her own as well as Lexa did, the two suddenly seeming to fall into an unintentional dance as they circled one another. Protecting each others backs and cutting down the warriors who attacked them. The numbers dwindling until the last hit the ground dead.

 

Lexa sucked in a deep breath and finally faced her once more. Finding the blonde wiping her sword clean on a warrior's fur armor before straightening up. Appearing uninjured as she sheathed her knife, keeping her sword in hand but her back kept to an alleyway near them. A warrior suddenly stepping out with an arrow nocked and ready to release. Aiming for Clarke's back and Lexa reached out wordlessly. Grabbing her arm tightly and pulling her close as the arrow sailed through the air. Missing Clarke entirely as Lexa grabbed her dagger. Throwing it with precision and relief flooding her when it found its mark. Embedding deeply in the archer's chest before he had a chance to prepare a second arrow.

 

Clarke jerked herself out of Lexa's grip after a heartbeat. Pushing her away and Lexa felt a sting of worry that she'd managed to hurt her with her roughness but after a moment she realized Clarke simply didn't want to be touched. “Sorry,” she murmured.

 

“Whatever..” she paused and pursed her lips, “thank you.” She huffed and Lexa nodded. Jogging to the dead archer and pulling her dagger from his chest. Clarke appearing at her side seconds later but taking the blood stained white bow and dark leather quiver from the dead man before straightening up. “We need to go before more find us.”

 

“Right..” Lexa nodded and took in the city around them. Listening to the cries of pain and inhaling the thick, harsh scent of iron that flowed all around them. Realizing that perhaps Polis had had more supporters than she'd initially thought. That the azgeda army had been closer than she was told and that it was almost completely lost. The realization hit her hard and she knew there was nothing for her to do but leave. For her to find the ones who were still loyal and leave. “We need to find the natblidas... nightbloods, I have to make sure they're okay. They-” fear filled her voice and she knew she couldn't hide it if she tried but Clarke seemed unbothered by it. As if she already realized that they meant more to her than just future commanders.

 

“Yeah yeah I know, one of them takes the throne if you die. We established this already but don't plan an early funeral just yet.” The blonde stood quietly as Lexa nodded, letting her take the lead as they both ran through the empty, bloody streets of Polis. Running around bodies and Lexa resisted the urge to stop at each one. To whisper to their departing souls that their fight was over and close their eyes. She just kept going, kept running and Clarke kept up with her but as they passed an alleyway Lexa stopped. The blonde behind her very nearly running into her back.

 

Her green eyes focused on an azgeda warrior hovering over an old dying man. Bloody boot slamming into his side and groans of pain echoing down to her as she sprinted for the warrior. Letting loose an angry, painful roar. Slamming her gloved fist into his masked face, the mask bending inwardly beneath her fist. Forcing him away but he stumbled to his feet, darting away down the alleyway as Lexa knelt by the man. Jerking her head up suddenly at the snap of a bowstring and a cry of pain escaping the azgeda when an arrow pierced his back. She looked back at Clarke and frowned.

 

“So he doesn't have a chance to kill any one else today.” Clarke explained softly, pushing the bow back over her shoulder and kneeling on the opposite side of the man. Her bloody hand resting on the knife that protruded from his stomach, blood staining his dark clothes but he still reached for her. Patting her arm before turning his attention to Lexa.

 

“ _I'm so sorry..”_ she murmured. Holding his head between her hands, thumbs stroking over his wrinkled skin. She didn't know him, she'd never even seen him but his death hit her as hard as any pauna ever could. He was her people, the people she fought for. The people she betrayed Clarke for but here they were slaughtered in the streets for simply being loyal to her. She knew Nia knew that if her assassins failed that she would at least hit Lexa where it hurt the most. A place she'd hit when she killed Costia and delivered her head. Love may be weakness and she may have striven to avoid it but she couldn't avoid the love she felt for her people. The desire to protect them was pushed to the limits and giving room for their deaths to hurt her more than any injury could.

 

Lexa ducked her head and drew in a sharp breath before laying the now dead man's head to the ground. Her fingers slipping over his eyes, “yu gonplei ste odon.”

 

“Yu gonplei ste odon,” Clarke repeated after her and stood up but Lexa remained on the ground a heartbeat longer then she finally stood. Feeling a fire ignite within her as she started back the way they'd come. Breaking into a hard run and Clarke followed, weaving through the city until they came to a set of stairs leading down.

 

The commander merely leaped from the top to the bottom in one fluid motion and Clarke followed. Following her through the heavy black doors and into the dark tunnels. Candle light glowing near the end and the two walked with purpose until the tunnel opened into a room. A room nearly empty aside from Titus where he stood in front of a pod that had sat there long before she was born. The doors open on either side but Lexa focused on Titus when he finally faced her.

 

“Where are they?” Lexa asked harshly and Titus glanced to a different hallway beside them. Steps leading up and a Ontari stepped out of the darkness, a boy coming to stand beside her. Seconds later six teenagers rushed into the room but stood back from Lexa as if waiting for permission to near her and she motioned for them. Allowing them to swarm her and she pulled them in close. Laying a hand on each of their heads soothingly.

 

“They were worried for their heda,” Ontari explained.

 

“There is no reason to be.. I will always be here. I will always watch over them, in this life and the next.” Lexa looked over calmly at the boy beside Ontari. Taking in the most promising of her nightbloods, his body small but she knew he was strong. His reddish blonde hair cut short and dark blue eyes focused. “Aden.”

 

“Heda,” he stepped forward then and Lexa reached out. Gripping his shoulder tightly before relaxing. Aden nodded but then Lexa turned her head to find Titus again. His hands clasped behind his back and appearing to be studying Clarke until Lexa spoke.

 

“The city has been overrun with azgeda.”

 

“It has.. we made it here before the gates were purposely opened. Obe made sure the natblida made it here safely but I have not seen him since.”

 

“He may be fighting.” Lexa hoped he was fighting, she'd never known anyone like Obe. His strength despite where he had begun, his loyalty despite the lack of it he'd seen in his years stepping up in rank among his fellow guards.

 

“Or dead.”

 

“He isn't dead, he is one of the finest warriors I have ever had the honor of knowing.” Lexa defended the guard and Titus nodded. “I have to go back out there.”

 

“No! You should stay, leave with us.” Titus visibly tensed and took several steps forward. “You could die out there.. the loyal are severely outnumbered by the loyal azgeda. The azgeda are being reinforced by the army that approaches. For every one warrior that dies, two more replace them.”

 

“And I can't just let this city go without a fight!” She snapped and Titus seemed to flinch. Looking away a moment then back to Lexa with defeat written plainly on his face. “I will not betray those still loyal to me Titus. I will not leave them to die.” She continued softer.

 

“ _You yourself will die before you can successfully defend Polis heda, you know this. The commander's spirit knows this.”_ He flipped into trigedasleng quickly, his eyes darting to Clarke as if he expected her not to understand then quickly back to Lexa.

 

“ _The spirit is what tells me to fight.”_ That was at least a part of the truth, it begged and yearned to fight. To defend the people it called home since its own birth but another part of her wanted to fight as well. The part that wanted to defy Nia and send a message that she, heda Lexa, would not be so easily defeated.

 

“ _Perhaps in another battle but Polis has been lost. It bleeds and cries out to the gods for safe passage to the world beyond this one. If you are not careful then you will be the one leading them to the beyond.”_ Lexa fell quiet and she knew he was right. Polis was lost, too many swarmed the walls and too few stood ready to defend it. They needed to leave if they wanted to survive to see another battle.

 

“Sha,” Lexa agreed with a curt nod. _“Get the natblida out of the city Titus, you and Ontari both. Make sure they are safe.”_

 

“ _And what will you do heda?”_

 

“ _I'll find those still loyal to me and we'll leave the city, then we will meet in Hilelia, Luna will help us.”_

 

“ _How can you be so sure?”_

 

“ _Luna has always been the most loyal of the other clan leaders.. you should know that.”_

 

“ _If you are so certain.. we will meet there.”_ Titus frowned but stepped forward. Opening his arms and herding the nightbloods away from Lexa. Pushing them towards the hallway that Ontari stood before and the warrior stood aside. Not moving until Aden passed her and Lexa turned to leave but not before glancing back at Ontari.

 

“Protect them Ontari.”

 

“Sha heda,” Ontari nodded and Lexa was suddenly a hundred times more grateful that she'd proven to be trustworthy. That Clarke had returned with her but she paused when the girl looked over at Clarke. Her lips curling into a smile, “and you protect heda Lexa.”

 

“Easier said than done.” Clarke crossed the room to the ice warrior and held out her arm. “May we meet again.”

 

“May we meet again.. you and heda both.” She gripped Clarke's arm tightly before releasing. Turning on her heel and darting off as Clarke turned back to Lexa. Her blue eyes narrowing slightly at the tight grip Lexa had on her sword hilt, something Lexa hadn't realized she'd done and she relaxed. Ducking her head slightly and ignoring the slight throb she felt in her jaw from clenching so hard. Ignoring the surge of jealously that rose as she had no claim to Clarke. She was free to do as she pleased and it was wrong of Lexa to feel otherwise.

 

“Let's go then commander.”

 

“No.”

 

“No?”

 

“You should go with them.. you'll be safe, safe outside of the city.” Ontari would keep her safe, Titus perhaps too but the blonde shook her head.

 

“I told you already Lexa, I'm staying with you.” She stepped up and locked eyes with Lexa. “You can't keep trying to send me away. I can protect myself, I can fight. Haven't I proven that well enough by now?” Her voice took a sharper turn but she seemed to calm herself down as quickly as it had risen.

 

“Clarke..” The desire to keep her safe kept surfacing but Clarke was right. She was a warrior. She was as strong as any of Lexa's warriors. Her time hidden from the world had strengthened her in a way that Lexa admired but it did nothing to quell her worries for the woman's life.

 

“No Lexa, I'm staying and the only way I'm going to leave your side is if I'm too hurt to walk or god forbid dead on the ground. I'm going to make sure you keep your promise this time, I'm going to make sure my people are safe.” She clenched her jaw, “besides.. haven't we already proven to fight well alongside each other?”

 

“You have but-” Lexa began, not wanting to even consider the possibility of Clarke dying. Just the idea of it before had crushed her. If it were to actually happen.. she stopped herself and pushed it away.

 

“But nothing, let's go and find those that are still loyal to you. More die each second we waste here arguing about this.” She drew her sword and Lexa let out an exasperated sigh. Watching the girl turned warrior leave the room the way they'd first entered. Waiting a moment before drawing her own sword with a frown and following her out onto the street. “Lead the way Lexa.”

 

“I don't know where they'd be.”

 

“You sent Obe to the barracks didn't you? He might still be there or even at the walls.” Lexa stared at her in confusion. She given that command in trigedasleng and had assumed that Clarke wouldn't understand her but she was wrong. The blonde shrugged as if to say oh well, _“I'm sure you have a lot of questions right now but this isn't the time nor the place. So lead on heda.”_

 

Lexa pulled in a breath but nodded. Taking off for the barracks but weaving through alleyways and cutting across wide streets. The two turning a corner but freezing at the break out of a fight before them. Azgeda warriors fighting still loyal guards to Lexa but the azgeda winning as they outnumbered the guards. She raced forward, letting out a war cry and Clarke followed silently. Cutting through the azgeda and raising the morale of the guards as they fought harder than before.

 

She fought to keep any more of her guards from dying, reaching out and simply grabbing a hold of one azgeda by the throat as Clarke sliced at their back. The two falling into another unintentional dance alongside one another. Defending each other as they defended the guards, Lexa blocking an attack at Clarke's back as the blonde disarmed a warrior slashing at Lexa's legs. Driving her sword through his heart, killing one of the few remaining warriors. The guards taking the last themselves as Lexa looked back at Clarke.

 

The blonde ridding herself of the weapons at her back to shrug off her jacket. Blood seeping from beneath the black sleeve of her bicep. “Shit..” she cursed and simply ripped the long sleeve off.

 

“You're hurt.” Lexa watched the woman wrap the fabric around her arm. Tying it off then pulling her jacket back on. “When?”

 

“I don't know, could have been the last fight or even in this one but I'm fine.” She replied nonchalantly, pulling her weapons back on before meeting Lexa's worried gaze. “I've had worse, trust me.”

 

“What do you..” she cut herself off and sighed at the look Clarke gave her. Telling her not to even go there without saying it aloud. “You still shouldn't be here Clarke, you-”

 

“Tell me to leave one more time and I'll run off myself to find the people still loyal to you.” She snapped and Lexa frowned at her. The guards around them suddenly directing their attention elsewhere, forcing themselves to not listen in as Lexa clenched her jaw. The look of annoyance in those blue eyes fading to understanding. “Look Lexa.. this isn't my first fight. I know how to handle myself and when to back away. Admittedly.. I haven't been in fights as big as these but I'll survive. I've survived well enough up to this point and I'm sure I can continue to survive beyond this point.”

 

Lexa drew in a breath but nodded. She had to realize what Clarke was saying to be true. She couldn't suddenly fall into worry for her life in the middle of an attack. She had to trust Clarke and what she said.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“I'll trust you.”

 

“Good, now lead us on heda.” Clarke waited expectantly and so did the guards around them. Most of them having removed their masks and helmets to meet her eyes. Prepared to fight for their city and Lexa nodded. Leading them to the barracks in a hurry, their feet pounding the earth as they ran until the building came into view. A building surrounded in dead bodies, azgeda and Polis guard alike but no Obe.

 

“They're gone.”

 

“ _Heda, allow me to check inside for survivors.”_ One man stepped up, his gray hair peppered in blood and Lexa nodded in agreement. Watching the man rush into the building and a shout ringing out moments later. Lexa being the first to dart into the building followed by Clarke and the other guards. More dead lying on the floor as they climbed the stairs up to the guard who had first entered but finding a group of Polis guard just before him. Obe standing at their head, bloodied and angry. Even as he stormed closer to Lexa.

 

“ _The city is lost heda.”_ He grunted.

 

“ _I know Obe.. we need to leave and quickly.”_

 

“ _Sha,”_ he gestured behind himself. _“These are the only survivors.. the innocent who didn't bend to the azgeda were slaughtered. Those supporting Nia killed the ones who didn't before the army even arrived.”_

 

“These are really the only survivors?” Clarke asked and Obe nodded to her sadly. His earlier anger gone, replaced by despair and the feeling of failure but Lexa reached out. Touching his arm wordlessly but hoping to reassure him as she counted the warriors behind him. Finding only thirty, thirty six including the ones that she and Clarke had come across in the streets. Thirty six plus the civilians they stood around. The heads she couldn't count as they seemed to melt into the darkness behind them but only they managed to survive out of the hundreds.

 

“We should go before this number has a chance to drop.” Clarke murmured and the group shifted in response.

 

“I agree,” Obe looked down at Lexa and she nodded but he glanced back at the guards. Motioning for one to step forward from his place beside another and he moved quietly with a limp. Removing his mask and black hair spilling out in curls, blue eyes pained but his sharp jaw set defiantly. “Silver.. tell heda what you told me.”

 

He pulled in a deep breath and glanced up at Obe. “Floudonkru trade ships are still in the harbor.. we may be able to use them to escape.”

 

“Are they still manned?”

 

“I'm not sure but they should be.. if not, I can do it myself.” He glanced at Clarke and gave her a small smile. Lexa had always known Silver to be a warm man but she didn't know that Clarke had managed to make friends so quickly among her men. She was grateful that it was a guard as loyal as Silver was.

 

She looked back up at Obe. “Let's go then, we have an entire city to cross and an army filling it as we speak.”

 

“Sha heda,” the group behind him stood and they all moved to leave the barracks with Lexa at the front. Clarke weaving herself into the innocent civilians behind the guards, murmuring softly among them in trigedasleng but Lexa focused on getting her people out. She couldn't let the swell of warmth in her heart draw her attention anymore than it already had. Head over heart or nothing at all was what she needed now.

 

They moved slowly through narrow alleyways, avoiding the market and wide streets with high visibility. Not wanting to get themselves caught by the armies that had surely breached the walls in full force. The city around them deathly quiet as Lexa peered around a corner but then ducked back when she spotted soldiers marching towards them. She glanced back at Obe wordlessly then jerked her head towards the sound of the march approaching.

 

Obe gestured down the line for the people to duck into the shadows, guards mirroring him further down and they obeyed silently. Melting into the darkness as well as any trikru warrior could, even those she knew who weren't trikru following by example but she kept her ear turned to the marching. Listening as it rose in volume and the first warrior passed the alley. Continuing to march further down then more passed them. Masked soldiers in black and white fur armor, their weapons sheathed. This group far larger than the last, better equipped and she knew that it wasn't scouting groups anymore. The true azgeda army had invaded and it was only a matter of time before they began to search the city thoroughly.

 

Her jaw clenched and a person crawled up to their side. The shadow of a hand pressing to the wall above her head but Lexa refused to meet their gaze. They could speak to her without her seeing them but she froze at Clarke's soft whispers. Her breath warm against her ears and blonde hair touching her shoulder.

 

“People are dying back there Lexa.. it seems some of the azgeda supporters were even trikru. Poisoned weapons and they won't last long without an antidote.” She stayed steady against Lexa and she fought against the rise of nerves at their closeness before finally looking at her. Finding the shine in those blue eyes that told her more than Clarke seemed willing to say.

 

“We have to wait until they are gone, we can't move or even hope to find an antidote right now.” The blonde's shoulders sagged ever so slightly in response and if she hadn't known any better then she'd have missed it. Assumed that Clarke was made of steel in that moment. She'd come to her in the hopes that she'd be able to tell her something, maybe even give her something to help but she couldn't. She was just as powerless in that moment but she hesitatingly reached out. Touching her shoulder and giving her a light squeeze. “I may not be able to do anything but you can. Stay with them and keep them safe, I'll do my best to find something for them.”

 

“Okay..” the woman darted off and Obe replaced her once more. Leaning lower than the others as he was the tallest man Lexa had ever known. Taller than Gustus even and watching him try to hide in a narrow alleyway could have been a hundred times more amusing if they weren't hiding from an army.

 

“ _There is a healer's home just across the street,”_ he whispered and of course he'd been listening. He was always a listener, even when he wasn't supposed to be. _“When they pass I can go across and search for antidotes. They should be there.”_

 

“ _No, I will go. When they pass you will take the healthy and go on to the harbor. I will stay with Clarke and the sick, just tell me which house.”_

 

“ _But heda-”_

 

“ _I need you to do this.. I have let enough of my people die this day and I'm done. No more, do you understand me Obe?”_ She hissed, feeling anger and determination flood to the surface. Making itself known in her voice.

 

“ _Sha heda, it is a red door. You must find the faded red door,”_ he told her and looked over her head at the tail end of the army then Lexa peered around the corner. Relieved to find no more warriors making their way down and she rose on aching legs. Preparing herself to dart across the street but Obe grabbed the back of her coat. Tugging on her to look at him again, _“stay safe heda. I would hate to have to get used to a new commander even shorter than myself.”_

 

“ _I may be small Obe but I can still take you,”_ she shot him a small smile and he released her. The moment his hand left her coat tail she was sprinting across the street. Holding her sword tightly to her side as she disappeared into the shadow of the buildings on either side of her. Slowing to a hurried walk and searching in the dim light for the faded red door until finally coming to it. The door slightly ajar and even darker inside as she stepped in.

 

The inside torn apart and the body of a woman lying on the floor surrounded by broken red clay pots. Her eyes half closed before Lexa knelt over her, closing her eyes completely and murmuring that her fight was over. She rose to stand quickly and spotted a knocked over white candle on the floor. She moved in a hurry, lighting it then setting it down on a table beneath racks of filled vials. Searching but realizing she only had the vaguest idea of an antidote. Healing had never been her strong suit but she scanned the racks. Hoping to spot something familiar in the dim light.

 

“Lexa!” Clarke's voice came in a loud whisper and the blonde appeared in the doorway. Hands stained red with fresh blood as she hurried closer to her. “Obe said..” she cut herself off and immediately reached out. Grabbing numerous vials and pushing them into her pockets. “Never mind, let's go.”

 

Lexa blew out the candle and followed the girl back into the alley without question. Following her as they sprint across the street to the sick that Clarke had moved into an abandoned home. Tables and chairs pushed aside as the blonde dropped her knees. Immediately setting to work but not before holding out vials of yellow liquid to Lexa. “Just pour into it in their mouths.”

 

She took them and crossed to the opposite side of the room from Clarke. Kneeling and gently lifting one woman's head before bringing the vial to her lips. She glanced over bandaged wounds that was more likely Clarke's own work than anyone else after letting the woman lay back once more. Her breathing clearer and life filling her brown eyes once more. Giving Lexa her thanks with a curt nod before Lexa moved on to the next. Working through them as quickly as Clarke seemed to but while she kept quiet. Lexa spoke gently to them. Hoping her words gave them strength but she stopped the moment she came to the center of the room.

 

Clarke knelt over a teenager, fingers smoothing over her sweaty forehead soothingly and Lexa recognized her. She remembered her being brought in days before Clarke had arrived in Polis. Riza had lost her warrior in an accident but Lexa had felt determined to find her a new warrior. Someone just as strong as Enid had been, perhaps even one from her own clan. Someone just as good with a bow as Riza proved to be.

 

“Riza..” Lexa murmured, kneeling on her opposite side. Slipping her gloved hand into the girl's, squeezing lightly as Clarke gave her the antidote. Her shoulder wrapped in a dark cloth but she opened her eyes. Amber eyes meeting Lexa's green and the hint of a smile on her lips. “And another warrior survives this day,” Lexa returned her smile. Even as Clarke looked up at her.

 

“You know her.”

 

“Sha, she is a promising archer. Far better than many warriors in my guard even.”

 

The girl nodded weakly but proudly. _“Hawk eye.”_

 

“ _Sha, hawk eye.”_ Lexa agreed, knowing the girl was very proud of her nickname. A name given to her by Enid, _“you have done well and Enid would be proud of you.”_

 

“ _Enid is dead.”_

 

“ _And she still watches over you. As do all of the ones we have lost.”_ Lexa looked up at Clarke, finding respect and admiration clear in her blue eyes but she looked back down to Riza. “We need to move as soon as we can.”

 

“I know Lexa,” Clarke hummed to herself a moment. Glancing around the room at the people who had begun to sit up. Stronger than they had been moments before then she met looked back to Lexa. “They all seem ready to move on.”

 

“They are strong Clarke.” She murmured and scooped Riza up in her arms before straightening up completely. The people around her rising in response, following her from the room and into the dimly lit alleyway. Clarke following her a moment later but with an older man. Her arm around his waist and his arm over her shoulder. “We aren't far from the harbor.”

 

“Then lead the way commander.” Lexa nodded, heading down the pathway and her people following. Clarke bringing up the rear with her grip tight on the man. A man who kept his mouth shut and they moved but Lexa focused ahead of herself. Following winding alleys that descended as the sound of water lapping against the docks grew louder and louder. Lexa only coming to a stop at the bottom just before her boots met the stone of the docks, glancing both ways before letting herself focus on the silent trade ship rocking in the waves.

 

“The azgeda are gone..” Lexa mused aloud, the girl in her arms gripping tightly at her armor in response as Lexa headed towards the ship. Letting out a sigh of relief when one of her guards appeared at the top of rusted metal gangway. Immediately making his way down and taking Riza from Lexa as the others began to board. Watching them go one by one until Clarke finally brought up the end. Her arm around the old man's middle but her eyes on Lexa when she came to his opposite side.

 

“We were fine Lexa..” Clarke murmured but accepted the extra help. Only letting go of the man as he slid down to the wood deck beneath him. Busying herself over him while Lexa stood back, watching her silently.

 

“Is this all heda?” Silver asked suddenly behind her and she nodded. Not turning to look at him but focusing on Clarke as the blonde stood. Making her way to the gangway once more as Silver did but she stopped him.

 

“I'm not going with you to Hilelia.” She explained and took off to leave the ship. No one but Lexa moving to stop her. Reaching out and lightly touching her on the shoulder but the blonde not stopping as Lexa followed her down. The two reaching the bottom faster than it had taken them to go up.

 

“Clarke! You can't!” Lexa touched her again and this time she turned. Giving her an annoyed look but stopping as the ship beside them suddenly came to life. “The city is crawling with them and you know that.”

 

“I have to get back to my people Lexa and leaving the city is as fast a way as any.”

 

“You won't be able to do anything for them if you die trying to get back.” Lexa clenched her jaw and glanced over Clarke's shoulder at the still empty docks. Silently wondering where the azgeda had gone once again but Clarke drew her attention back. “Silver can drop you off on a shore somewhere. Somewhere safer that isn't crawling with azgeda.”

 

“I won't die, I-” she was cut off by a loud shout behind them and she turned sharply to face the source as Lexa grabbed her wrist. Tugging on her to get back on the boat before the army managed to reach them. Several of the archers within the azgeda already firing arrows but missing as Lexa pulled harshly on Clarke.

 

“No choice now Clarke!” Lexa shouted and finally managed to pull the girl up the gangway. The blonde following with an angry scowl. Pulling herself out of Lexa's grip as the boat began to move. The gangway falling away, the sound of ripping metal loud in the air before it fell into the water beneath them. Arrows flew over the deck in hopes of hitting anyone but many missing completely or bouncing off the metal hull of the boat. Some skidding across the deck as Lexa pressed herself behind a stack of empty crates. Clarke beside her but still angry, eyes focused on Lexa as the boat moved into deeper waters. “I'll talk to Silver and get you dropped off somewhere safe Clarke.”

 

“The twelve clans are at war Lexa, is anywhere really safe now?” Clarke asked sharply and Lexa sighed with a shake of her head.

 

“No.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not at all used to writing canon!Lexa but this was my headfirst dive into the olympic sized pool that is her.. no more kid pools for me.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess my official update day has become Tuesday.

On the open water the air on the boat seemed to shift. The further from the city they fled the more relaxed they all seemed to feel but Clarke remained on edge. Focused on Lexa as the woman spoke quietly to Silver where he stood behind the helm. One hand gripped tightly on the wheel but seemingly entirely focused on Lexa's words. His blue eyes finding Clarke's in a quick glance before they were back on Lexa and she knew that the commander was telling him to find a place on the coast to let her off. The guard giving her a sharp nod before Lexa left him. Approaching Clarke once more where she sat backed against the crates still.

 

“He agreed to let you off and he knows a good enough place. Near a trikru village actually.” Lexa explained standing over Clarke. Her eyes bright despite the black war paint and dried blood on her face. A flash of memory rolling back of when the first spray of blood had hit her face. Lexa suddenly a thousand times more fiercer than Clarke had ever seen her but she pushed it away as the brunette sat down. “I will make sure you get to the shore safely but I will go no further if it is what you wish.”

 

“I can get back to my people on my own.” Clarke muttered and tore her gaze away from Lexa. Looking out over the heads of the injured and healthy all around herself to the water. The sun beginning its descent, signaling the end to a long day that should have never occurred. Her eyelids felt heavy and she rested her head on her arms atop her knees. Ignoring the dried blood that clung to the material as Lexa wandered off. Riza's voice suddenly rising and she knew Lexa had gone to her.

 

She glanced at the two and found Riza with her back to Lexa. The commander gently fixing her braids as the people around them seemed to naturally gravitate to their leader. Not seeming to mind the warmth she was exuding despite the blood on her face but Clarke looked away again. Getting to her feet and approaching Silver where he stood. Eyeing the various levers and dirty panels, wondering how he'd come to understand it. She'd seen very little technology used in Polis but he was working a solar powered boat like he'd done it all his life.

 

“You're not trikru?” She asked and he shrugged nonchalantly at her. Flashing her a small smile before returning to ocean before him. “Floudonkru then?”

 

“Does it matter?”

 

“I guess not.”

 

“Good because I don't even know myself.” He chuckled softly at Clarke's quirked eyebrow in confusion, “my father was a trader born in a trikru village but my mother was a warrior under a floudonkru general. They met during a trade meeting in Polis and that was that. I was born in Hilelia but my mother died not long after. My father raised me as best he could as a traveling trader but he eventually left me in Polis where I was taken in by a sailor. He taught me how to work and understand the trade ships but I decided to be a warrior instead of a tradesman.”

 

“Yet you still seem to have stuck to your mother's people at least a little.”

 

“More like they stuck to me. I had made friends during my time with the sailor and they insisted on staying friends when I began warrior training. Further still when I became a guard and this is one of their boats but under a different captain. Someone that I assume is either dead or missing now.”

 

“So they are in Hilelia..”

 

“More than likely but as I hear you will not be meeting them just yet.” He chuckled, “I do hope you'll bring your people to Hilelia however.”

 

“Maybe..” in reality she had no idea what she was going to do. Her people alone wouldn't be able to survive if Nia decided to attack them. Their numbers too low despite the extra additions in her absence and she could assume that their weapons were just as low. Ammo included despite having taken supplies from the mountain. It only left her with one option and that was to have them join Lexa's fight against Nia but how was a bigger problem, a bigger obstacle. “For now I'd just like to get back to them.”

 

“And you will.” He smiled again but Clarke didn't return it as Lexa stepped up. Her hand on her sword hilt tight as she stood tensely. “It may be a while before we reach the cove heda, there is no need for you to ask again.”

 

“Sha.. just-” unease flickered in her eyes and Clarke glanced over to Silver quickly before returning to Lexa. “Just hurry would you.”

 

“Of course heda.” Lexa wandered off again and Clarke watched her go for a moment. Amused that the great commander was susceptible to motion sickness. “She doesn't like boat rides.”

 

“I noticed.” She leaned against the pole behind her and felt the gun press into the middle of her lower back. Reminding her that it was still there and she immediately straightened back up. Refusing to meet the quizzical look that Silver gave her as she stalked off to a lesser populated part of the deck. Pulling the gun free from her waistband and inspecting it silently.

 

Now was her chance to get it rid of it permanently. To toss it into the ocean and let it sink beneath the waves to never be found again. To destroy its chances of ever coming close to killing again but she held onto it a moment later. Rubbing her thumb over the grooved metal handle before suddenly beginning to take it apart as best she could. Managing to remove the barrel before dumping it over the side of the boat then the half empty magazine before finally throwing the last piece as far away from herself as she could. Watching it sail through the air before hitting the water, the sound drowned out by the boat engines and for a moment she felt better. She felt like a small weight was taken from her, as if the gun by some extension was her own hand killing innocent people.

 

“Obe and I will escort you to the shore but I suggest you take him with you. He'll make it easier for you to get a horse in the village to make it back to Arcadia faster than on foot.” Lexa suddenly spoke at Clarke's back and the blonde nodded silently. Relieved that she hadn't asked to do it herself but also hoping she'd walk away. Yet she seemed to remain, her silence overwhelming until suddenly she decided to speak again. “You got rid of it.”

 

“Yeah.. hopefully for good this time.”

 

“Unless the floukru learn to swim to the bottom of the ocean.. I do not think it will be found again.”

 

“With my luck someone would.”

 

“No one will.” Lexa stated, falling silent again and Clarke nodded before turning to face her. Finding that unease still in her eyes and her thumb nervously rubbing at the top of her sword hilt. Silver had been right, she didn't like boat rides. They seemed to completely throw her out of her element and that was probably why Lexa intended to join Obe and herself to the shore. A respite from her nerves.

 

“I need to check on the injured..” Clarke murmured and rounded Lexa but paused as the commander remained in her spot. Watching the water smoothly sail by. “I need an extra hand if you're willing.”

 

Lexa turned to face her, “sha but I know little about healing.”

 

“You just need to check wounds is all, come on.” She lead the way towards the injured, directing Lexa first to Riza. Knowing that in the time it took her to look over at least half of them that Lexa would still be with her. The teenager would draw her attention away from the fact that they were on a boat.

 

Clarke worked silently, checking wounds and periodically checking the water around her. Coming to the realization that the boat seemed to be edging closer to the shore until Silver left his post. Limping over and standing over her before she looked up.

 

“We are close, get ready.” He told her and she nodded. Turning her attention back to the woman next to her. Tying off the bandage around her calf then making her way to Lexa. The commander still speaking to Riza in hushed tones, glad to know that her plan to distract Lexa had worked.

 

“We're almost there commander,” she leaned over as she spoke but kept her distance. Green eyes flickering up to meet hers then back to Riza before getting to her feet.

 

“Then let us help Silver.”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke followed her over as the boat turned into a cove. Waiting patiently before it came to a stop then Silver limped over, setting herself to help them as best she could. Holding onto the edge of the little boat tightly before it hung over the water on poles. Lowering it slowly into the water that lapped against the hull below them. Letting it come to a rest on the water before Silver dropped a rope ladder over the side.

 

“Down you go wanheda,” he gestured but she frowned at him. Full knowing he was calling her wanheda on purpose and he simply grinned at her. Feigning innocence as she began the climb down. The rope rough against her bare hands until she came to the bottom. Her boots meeting the wood with a soft creak as she sat down on a seat. Lexa above her beginning to climb down then Obe. Lexa claiming the seat across from her as Obe sat behind her with the oars.

 

His strength enough to push them away from the trade ship and into open water. Rowing them to the gravel beach and the dark forest beyond it. The forest as silent as the little boat but Clarke had no words for either of them. Her thoughts filled with impatience and worries of her people but it was torn away as Lexa suddenly leaped over the side. Gripping her red sash in her hand to keep it dry as she splashed in the waves that lapped at the shore and Obe jumped out as well. Holding his hand out to Clarke but she ignored him. Stepping over the side and into the cold water. Her boots filling by the second as she stomped up to dry land.

 

“Obe will make sure you to get to Arcadia safely.” Lexa looked up at the tall man, meeting his eyes, “won't you?”

 

“Sha heda.” He grunted in agreement, turning away from Lexa to eye the forest behind them.

 

“What will you do once you get back to your people?” Lexa asked looking back to Clarke. Wrapping her sash around her neck like a scarf.

 

“We agreed that if we both survived the attack on the city that the skaikru would join the coalition..” she glanced at Obe then back to Lexa. The commander waiting patiently for her to continue with one hand still buried in her red sash. “The clans in the coalition fight for you don't they?”

 

“They do.”

 

“It won't be easy but-” she cut herself off with a sigh. It would be nearly impossible actually. Convincing her people who no longer trusted her to join in a grounder civil war. Convincing them to fight for a people who had abandoned them at the mountain. “I'll do my best to have them join the fight,” but she severely doubted herself.

 

“I believe in you.” Lexa shifted her weight under blue eyes. “You can do this Clarke, they will follow you.”

 

“After I abandoned them? I doubt that Lexa,” she pursed her lips and looked up at Obe. Hoping to end the conversation before it went any further as the man looked down at her. “Let's go Obe, I want to be back in Arcadia before the sun rises tomorrow.”

 

“Sha.” He agreed and nodded to Lexa before taking off up the beach but Clarke remained a moment. Meeting green eyes before the commander gestured for her to go before Obe left her behind completely and she nodded. Turning away and breaking into a run to follow him yet still pausing at the tree line to watch Lexa push the little boat back out and hop in. Rowing herself back to the trade ship with her back to Clarke but casting a glance over her shoulder.

 

“Heda wouldn't like you wasting time Clarke,” Obe suddenly spoke up from behind her and she spun to face him. Glaring up at him but the man merely smiled slyly at her. “If we hurry we'll reach the village before sunset and maybe reach your people before sunrise.. like you wanted.”

 

“You were listening?”

 

“I am always listening,” he took off and began to make his own path through the woods. Weaving between thin tree trunks as they grew thicker around them the further they went. The giant of a man walking much faster than Clarke could ever hope to. Frowning at the wide steps he took and very nearly breaking into a jog to keep up with him. The man keeping quiet before suddenly speaking again. “Do you really doubt your people's faith in you?”

 

“That's not something I want to talk about just yet.”

 

“Then what would you want to talk about?”

 

“Do we have to talk at all?” Clarke huffed stepping over a fallen tree in her path and Obe shrugged silently. Stepping out onto what seemed to be a thin hunting trail. The earth underfoot worn down from countless people walking it, even hoof prints too large to be that of a deer and she began to wonder if they were close. Yet as they walked for what felt like an hour she realized she was wrong. “Do you know where you're going?” She asked suddenly and Obe nodded wordlessly, suddenly cutting away from the trail.

 

“It is a hunting village, deep in the woods here. Hidden from armies and difficult to reach with many warriors. Very well protected and quite wary of outsiders like yourself.” He explained.

 

“But not of you? How lucky am I for such a guide then,” she muttered sarcastically and Obe glanced back at her curiously then back to the path he made through the woods. The sun above them seeming to disappear and everything darkening but she focused on Obe's back. The black of his leather armor allowing him to melt into the darkness that grew and she forced herself to speed up. Managing to keep up with him as they suddenly broke into a clearing.

 

Wooden huts with thatched roofs meeting her as Obe came to an immediate stop before her. A woman in dark clothing immediately grabbing a weapon beside her seat before a fire pit as she stood up abruptly. Her brown eyes narrowed suspiciously and red braids falling over pale shoulders. Ready to defend herself at the newcomers. Even as Obe raised his hands in peace.

 

“ _We need your help,”_ he spoke gently but the woman remained suspicious. Her eyes scanning their bloody clothes and weapons. Her thin lips curling into a scowl and she suddenly shouted in trigedasleng. More warriors stepped out from other huts with weapons drawn and closing in on them. _“We mean you no harm, we come with orders from heda Lexa of the trikru.”_

 

“ _Heda Lexa you say?”_ The red haired warrior seemed to change, the look her eye seeming to calm at Lexa being mentioned. Lowering her weapon slowly but the others around her keeping ready to defend themselves. _“What does heda require of us?”_

 

“ _We need horses to reach the skaikru with.”_ He glanced back at Clarke as if wondering to give up her title but the woman before them nodded regardless. Gesturing to someone behind her and they darted off quickly.

 

“ _Returning wanheda to her people are you?”_ She asked mockingly.

 

“ _Wanheda could return herself.”_ Clarke spoke up before Obe could. Moving to stand in front of him and meeting the warrior's eyes pointedly. The woman's lips curving into a hint of a smile as her eyes darted between Clarke and Obe, _“we'll move on soon enough then you can get back to your hiding in peace.”_

 

“ _We do not hide, we are the true heart of the trikru. Living as our ancestors did. Born in the trees, living among them.”_ Her eyes narrowed but remained impassive as the one she'd sent off returned leading two horses, one nearly black and the other a deep brown. A young boy with black hair braided tightly against the sides of his head, his hazel eyes glancing up at the warrior a moment then to Clarke. _“Now go.”_

 

Clarke took the rope reins from the boy and mounted the smaller of the two horses. Allowing herself to sit comfortably in the deer skin saddle but not meeting the warrior's gaze again. Waiting almost impatiently for Obe to mount the brown horse but he didn't. He held onto the reins and studied the warrior before letting out a soft sigh.

 

“ _The twelve clans are at war again.”_ He told her quietly.

 

“ _And I care little for these wars as they do not concern us. It did not concern us when the coalition was formed, no one even cared to ask how we felt about it. We were simply forced to join but it did not matter anyway. We are far from any other trikru village. From from any border beyond the ocean and this new war means nothing to us. Just another inevitable event in history.”_

 

“ _And if the war manages to reach you?”_

 

“ _It will not. It never has.”_

 

“ _But what if it does Roja?”_

 

“ _Then we will face it as we have any other threat Obe.”_ Her voice softened and Clarke glanced at Obe curiously. The man nodding slowly before mounting his horse. Peering down at Roja a moment longer before urging his mount forward. Not caring to thank her as he knew it was just her way of getting them to leave quickly and Clarke followed. Pushing her own mount into a walk just behind Obe as they rode through the center of the village. The other warriors stepping aside to let them pass but Clarke felt their eyes on her until they crossed back into the trees. The darkness swallowing them once more.

 

“So..” Clarke began and Obe kept quiet. “You know her?”

 

“I thought you didn't want to talk.”

 

“Right,” she muttered and they fell into silence once again. Obe riding ahead of her silently as the sun set. Golden rays managing to peak through the leaves above them until darkness truly fell and Clarke wondered how she was managing to stick with Obe but the further they went. The more she realized she had little control over her horse. As if it were trained to play follow the leader in the darkness here and she relaxed. Letting herself trust the horse and they rode for what felt like hours like that.

 

“She pretends she doesn't know me but she was once a.. friend. Someone I trained alongside when I trained as a guard for the commander.” He began suddenly and Clarke focused on his voice in the pitch black. “She'd left her village in the hopes of being more and being seen as more than just the daughter of her village's leader. She became a guard and we were partners until the coalition began to build under Lexa's reign. She didn't agree with it and neither did her father but for a while she remained in Polis.. at least until her father died. Then she left and whatever loyalty she felt for Lexa left with her.”

 

“And you hadn't seen her since?”

 

“No.”

 

“Are you glad to know she is alive?”

 

“Of course I am, she is a good warrior but not as loyal as a leader would require her to be.” He fell quiet again and the trees around them began to thin out. The moonlight above them beginning to fall onto Obe but the horse beneath Clarke still followed without needing to be asked. “Her son will be a good warrior one day.” His tone took on that of a proud man, perhaps a father even.

 

“That boy was her son?”

 

“Sha, Couis.” He chuckled, “I helped pick it.”

 

“He is yours?” She asked and he immediately quieted. Giving her the answer to her question without directly saying it. Couis was his son and he knew it. Roja had left with his son but he seemed to not hold it against her too much. “How much longer?” She asked quietly, unable to recognize where they were in the dark.

 

“Soon.” He stated and Clarke fell quiet. Riding along peacefully but her eyes threatened to close on her. To let the desire for sleep she'd ignored take over but she couldn't. Not yet at least and she forced herself to blink several times before they broke the treeline. Riding across a moonlight bathed field. The grass tall, green and a field she recognized. They were close to Arcadia, very close and she gathered up her reins. Pushing her horse faster and passing Obe into the next group of trees that sat between herself and Arcadia.

 

The warrior hurried to catch up, his horse thundering behind her but she pushed faster. Knowing the ride would wake her up long enough to set the seeds for joining the coalition with her mother. A momentary chance to convince her so she in turn could convince the others and get them closer to being safer yet as she broke through the trees. She pulled her horse to an abrupt stop. Her eyes widening at what she found and jaw dropping.

 

Smoke rose from the walls within Arcadia but she simply hoped they had suffered from a small fire yet as she rode closer. That simple hope died as the metal gate barely hanging on its hinges became clearer in the promise of dawn. Pink beginning to shine in the clouds behind Arcadia as she rode closer until Obe reached out. Pulling her horse up abruptly and the horse letting out a sound in protest.

 

“You can't go in there.. there may still be-”

 

“Shut up Obe,” she snapped and dismounted quickly. Storming into the war torn camp and finding the bare bones of buildings. The metal black and charred as the ashes around the pillars still glowed with dying embers. The remains of the ark itself black in some places but clean in others. Black smoke spilling out from various points all over and she rushed closer but froze at the entrance. Burnt bodies scattered in various shapes and sizes. Charred guns next to them and Clarke simply blinked as Obe came to a stop beside her.

 

“We were too late..” he murmured and Clarke nodded. Sucking in a sharp breath and swallowing down the emotions that welled in her throat. Knowing that now wasn't the time to shed tears over the bodies that she surely knew had to be her friends and perhaps even her mother. She ground her teeth and began to weave herself through them. Yanking her arm free of Obe's grip when he suddenly reached out for her. “Clarke-”

 

“Shut up Obe!” She shouted but didn't face him. Keeping her eyes on the bodies that were slowly being illuminated by the rising sun but the sun was cut off as she came to a stop in the mouth of the Ark. Bullet holes in the walls as she stepped further inside. A small fire burning among wires protruding from an open panel but no more bodies. The front halls seemingly completely empty and she wandered back outside. Finding Obe kneeling next to one of the bodies and she clenched her jaw. “What are you doing?” She snapped and he looked up.

 

“Trying to learn who did this,” a perfectly valid reason but it still rubbed Clarke the wrong way. She still stepped over the dead to shove him backward into the burnt grass. Glaring at him harshly and while she expected him to retaliate. He made no move to do so, simply rising to his feet and brushing himself off. “I do not believe it was azgeda. They wouldn't know how to climb your walls.”

 

“Then who?” She growled and Obe walked off towards the walls silently. Pausing only to glance back at her then motioning for her to follow. Leading her then pointing out the punctured metal. The thing that had caused the damage missing but the holes were small. Simple and if Clarke looked on the opposite side she'd bet on her sword that she'd find muddy boot prints. The marks were similar to that of what the trikru used to climb trees. To her own blades that she used but only slightly larger. “Who?” She asked again.

 

“ _Ouskejon kru,”_ he met Clarke's confused gaze. “Blue cliff,” Clarke studied the marks again and bit her lip in thought. The blue cliff clan wasn't one she knew much of. She'd heard little of them and had only ever met one of them among the exiles. He'd been an old man who had a deep rooted love for squirrel stews, gentle and kind. “They are north west of here, one of the clans that calls the mountains their home.”

 

“Azgeda ally..” She swallowed thickly and looked away from the walls. Back to the bodies who still laid burnt on the ground. Quietly realizing that she'd never be able to regain their trust. That they died not trusting her and it hurt. It burned through her but she smothered her feelings. Pushing it to the back of her mind and hoping to force herself onto the task at hand.

 

“Sha,” he agreed. Making his way to the shell of the ark. Weaving through bodies carefully before ducking his head to step through the entrance but Clarke remained outside. Not wanting to find more of her people dead but as she stood there on the street a sound caught her attention. The sound of horses approaching and she stiffened. Hurrying to hide behind fallen metal then voices carrying through the burnt camp.

 

“ _Someone is here.”_ A rough voice began and the sounds he made rose in volume as if he were coming closer to her spot. _“Trikru.”_

 

“ _Are you sure? It could be more skaikru.”_ A softer voice came but seemed to be a distance behind the rougher one.

 

“ _Don't be stupid Han, they're all dead. I checked so I know because you were too scared to walk into that ugly hunk of metal.”_

 

“ _It fell from the sky, we saw it fall. Pieces of it even managed to land on our borders.. Even Jonah is fearful of it.”_

 

“ _Jonah is weak! The only right decision he ever made since becoming our leader was allying himself with the ice queen!”_ The rough voice spat, rising in anger and Clarke swallowed thickly. Glancing at the mouth of the ark from her hiding spot but still finding it empty. No sign of Obe and if worse came to worse then she'd have to kill the warriors to escape.

 

“ _Jonah killed Koi fair and square. That is no sign of a weak man Oz.”_ Han responded sharply but a yelp rang out followed by a thud. No doubt a body hitting the ground.

 

“ _Koi was old and weak, it was an easy fight. A fight that should've never happened. Koi was set to die as clan leader of old age but Jonah chose to challenge him. To challenge his own father and kill him before the whole capital city.”_ Oz spoke lower but still just as roughly and angrily. _“That makes Jonah weak and you are weak for thinking it was fair.”_

 

“ _How do you suppose that Koi would have done with this coming war?”_ Han asked weakly, his voice even softer and Clarke could just barely make it out. _“He couldn't fight in any battle, he could barely wake up each morning. You and I both know that.”_

 

“ _His battle trained sons would fight in his favor, they-”_ He cut himself off and Clarke's widened at Obe where he stood in the mouth of the Ark. His weapons drawn and poised to defend himself as Clarke inched to peer into the street. Finding the man she assumed to be Oz standing over a bleeding Han, his large hand wrapped around his throat before he suddenly released then straightened up. _“Trikru.. I was right,”_ he squinted at Obe before chuckling to himself. _“Or are you Ingranrona.. hard to tell with you half clans.”_

 

Obe ignored the remark with a glare, _“you should leave.”_

 

“ _And why would I do that?”_

 

“ _Leave or die,”_ Obe grunted and began to weave through the bodies. Approaching the blue cliff warrior fearlessly but Oz remained in his spot. Letting out a loud laugh.

 

“ _Trikru are no match for Ouskejonkru. Heda Rolf was proof of that.”_

 

“ _The war over those lands is long since passed.. now leave or die.”_ Obe repeated but Oz remained. Holding his ground as Han struggled to rise behind him. Drawing a horn from behind his back and Clarke immediately stepped out. Drawing her bow and nocking an arrow aimed for him.

 

“ _Drop the horn and you live,”_ she hissed angrily. Drawing Oz's attention and he smirked.

 

“ _Well well well.. if it isn't the great wanheda. Heard your people were being protected by the trikru. Strange thing as they couldn't even defend Polis.. so how could ever hope to protect your camp?”_ He paused and clapped his hands together loudly. _“Ah wait, I forgot.. they couldn't.”_ He gestured to the dead and Clarke felt anger surge through her but it was Obe who moved first.

 

The giant of a man charging the warrior and slamming a fist into his face. Bone breaking ringing out followed by a war horn. Loud and powerful as it filled the camp, the sound forcing Obe to stop from hitting Oz again. He rose quickly and kicked the war horn from Han's hands. His eyes raising sharply to meet Clarke's as she rushed over to him. Still aiming at Han before lowering.

 

“We have to go Clarke,” Obe grabbed her arm and hurried her away from the two downed warriors. Reaching their horses and mounting with Obe leading the way out of the camp. A war horn sounding off in response far off in the distance. “We have to warn Ton DC!” He shouted over the thundering of hooves as they raced for the treeline. “They are the most at risk here!”

 

“Do you think the blue cliff will attack?!” She shouted in response but she already knew the answer. They would attack, they would attack because Obe had attacked. They would want to avenge their injured and Ton DC was a prime target as it was nearby. She silently hoped Indra had managed to build the army that Lexa had asked for as it would not just be the trikru defending themselves but her own revenge.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guilty as hell of scrolling through my spotify playlists for quick minor character names.
> 
> Ingranrona = Plains Riders in case somebody doesn't know.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Boy am I glad Luna showed up in the show when she did otherwise I'd have been pulling the same thing I did with Ontari.

The gates of Ton DC were closed when they finally arrived. Warriors aiming arrows for their heads before recognizing Obe. Warriors shouting for the gates to be opened filling the air until they finally did. Opening just enough for Obe and Clarke to ride through only for warriors closest to them to stop them immediately. Gloved hands gripping at the reins near their horses mouths.

 

“ _Indra calls for you in her tent wanheda,”_ one of them told her gruffly and she nodded before dismounting. Allowing herself to be lead through the village to the building she assumed to be Indra's. A place different from when she and Lexa had been there. Newly built with mismatched pieces of metal and wood but she passed through the doorway silently. Stepping into the torch lit room and meeting Indra's harsh gaze before allowing herself to gaze at the people at her side.

 

“Octavia? Lincoln? You..” she swallowed to settle the slight crack in her voice before continuing. “You're alive.”

 

“Yeah.. we weren't in the camp when they attacked.” Octavia explained, smoothing her fingers over the sleeve of her jacket then glancing up at Lincoln momentarily. “We didn't even hear them arrive, we heard nothing until they were over the walls. We heard..” she paused and swallowed, looking back to Clarke. “There was nothing we could do.”

 

“It would have taken an army.” She steeled herself over and met Indra's dark eyes pointedly. “An army that you were supposed to build Indra.”

 

“Armies take time, time we didn't have. The warriors I sent to strengthen your people were killed as well. Do not think you are the only one to have lost people.” Indra grumbled at her and turned her gaze to the desk before her. “And now isn't the time to linger on that fact. We have a coming battle to worry about because we heard the war horn. So now I must ask, what did you do?”

 

“We went to the camp but while we were there blue cliff scouts showed up. Obe hit one of them and they blew the horn.”

 

“And now they will come for Ton DC once they learn who attacked them.” She clicked her tongue, “ _branwada_.” She murmured to herself and Clarke scowled at her.

 

“You will fight?” She asked and Indra nodded curtly without looking up. “Let me fight with you.”

 

Indra looked up at that with a look on her face that seemed to read the entire meaning of _branwada_ in its total and literal sense. Hard doubt and curiosity faint as she stared at Clarke before quickly glancing at Lincoln then back to the blonde before her. “The commander of death wishes to fight for the trikru?”

 

“I do.. Lexa and I came to an agreement that should we survive the battle of Polis that the skaikru would join the coalition. We survived and I'm here to uphold my end of that agreement. The majority of my people may be dead but I'm willing to fight in their name still.”

 

“Battle of Polis?” Indra asked.

 

“Yes.. Polis has fallen to the azgeda, heda Lexa has since moved to Hilelia.” She frowned, realizing that news traveled slightly slower than she would've imagined. Polis wasn't far from here and it had already been a full day since but Indra wasn't aware.

 

“She survived?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And you fought?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Perhaps pit fighters can truly become warriors then.” She looked back down to the desk and Clarke took a step forward. Finding that the general was staring at a hand drawn map of the surrounding area, a map surely drawn by Lincoln's own hand.

 

“Impossible not to when I only fought warriors..” Clarke muttered, remembering what Ontari had told her about what she and Indra had done. That she was aware of Clarke's time spent in the Otta pits. “But enough of that, what is your plan for this attack that is surely coming?”

 

“If they attack then they will be attacking beneath our trees in a land that we were born walking. I have already sent scouts to watch the treeline but warriors will be in the trees. Should the Ouskejon choose to attack the village then they will face a flank from the skies above.” She looked up, “can you climb trees?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Good, you'll join them under Lincoln's command.”

 

“Lincoln's command? But isn't he a healer? Wouldn't he be better suited to stay in the village?” She asked and Indra shook her head.

 

“He is also a good warrior, knows how to keep a cool head.” She looked back at the man as he stepped up. Brown eyes hardened while Octavia frowned behind him. “Octavia will stay here.”

 

“I can fight Indra.” The girl stepped up beside Lincoln. “Lincoln has been training me since..” she glanced at Clarke then back to her former warrior. “Since the mountain fell and I can fight as well as any other warrior.”

 

“No. You will stay here with the other warrior's seconds.”

 

“But I'm not a second anymore!”

 

“And you will stay regardless!” Indra snapped and Octavia fell silent, nodding after a moment. “Go and gather warriors, it is your choice how many you choose to take but be smart.”

 

“Sha Indra,” he walked off but Clarke remained. Studying Octavia then Indra. The general breathing out an almost inaudible sigh and for a moment she seemed to prepare herself for an inevitable death. As if she didn't expect the attack to turn out victorious for them but Clarke left the building. Stepping out into the sun and spotting Obe where he sat on a log before a fire.

 

The guard captain chewing methodically on dried meat as Clarke approached him. Taking the seat next to him and accepting the food the warrior wordlessly held out to her. Biting into it silently as the village moved around them. Preparing themselves for battle, sharpening weapons and tightening armor on their bodies. Seconds scrambling to complete orders given to them by their warriors, even Octavia thrown into the mix of rushing seconds.

 

“You should rest before the battle Clarke,” Obe told her. Staring at her calmly but she shrugged. She was tired yes but she doubted she'd even be able to sleep. The energy around them seemed to throw her exhaustion onto the back burner. “It will be long and hard when it comes.”

 

“You are sure they will attack?”

 

“Sha, they are a warring clan, bloodthirsty even. They will attack but possibly only tonight. The war horn gave them away but that changes nothing.”

 

“Would it have changed anything if we had just killed them before leaving?” She asked and the warrior stared into the flames a moment. Taking another bite of his meat until finally shrugging.

 

“I don't know.” He looked down at her and seemed to mull over his response to her. “They could have chosen to attack regardless out of hatred for the trikru. They have hated us for a very long time. Since heda Rolf first came into power. He was born a trikru but commander of all twelve clans long before Lexa was born, before I was born _._ During his reign the blue cliff clan was much bigger, their territory reached beyond the blue mountains. Stretching into what is now trikru territory. Rolf felt that his people needed more land so he organized a war among his generals. They went to war but the blue cliff proved far better fighters than he'd ever imagined until finally he called for peace. Yet his greed for that land remained until he decided to give it away regardless of the people who still lived there.”

 

“Woah.. but I thought the trikru would've had a new leader once Rolf became heda over all.”

 

“He never chose a leader so by default he remained the trikru leader as well as heda. Giving him the power to ask what he did of his generals but after he gave the land away. Battles between the blue cliff and trikru continued. An unspoken war raged on until Lexa came into power. She and Koi met barely days after her ascension for a peace treaty. Ending the long standing war but Rolf's land remained trikru's much to Koi's dislike.”

 

“I see.. so that is why Indra seemed to prepare herself for death.”

 

“Perhaps, she was a second when Rolf began the war. Lost both her mother and father in it.”

 

“And how do you know that? You weren't alive.”

 

“No but Indra's former warrior was. She lived through the war and I met her years later in Polis when I began my training.. Quite the angry little woman. Never wasted a chance to make sure I remembered that I wasn't a full blooded trikru.”

 

“Right.. you are also a..” she pulled the word that Oz had said to mind. “ _Ingranrona.”_

 

“Sha, plains rider but enough of old stories. You need to be getting some rest before the battle.” He gestured to the quieting camp around them. Warriors finding places to sleep for the remainder of the day as Lincoln weaved through them. Picking his chosen warriors but not looking over at Clarke as she faced Obe again.

 

“Not sure if I can.”

 

“You can.” He stood and motioned for her to follow him. Leading her between huts to a section of old wall. A place void of other warriors as he sat down, leaning his back against the truck of a scarred tree. The wind above rustling leaves but Clarke stayed in her spot away from the captain. Unsure if she should even try. Knowing that her dreams would be plagued by the dead. “Clarke,” Obe broke through her thoughts. “You will need your strength with a sharp mind so try, at least.”

 

“Try..” she murmured but sat down next to them. Pulling in a deep breath as the man beside her dozed off. The energy of the warriors they'd left behind not seeming to reach her as she felt herself grow sleepier and sleepier. Eyes drifting shut and shifting to get herself a little more comfortable before finally drifting off.

 

Her dreams black but filled with the sound of clashing swords. A gun going off followed by a scream but nothing more. Nothing as she felt her physical body being shaken, her eyes snapping open to meet Octavia's. Black war paint around her eyes similar to Lincoln's, the whites of her eyes brilliant around the mixture of colors in her eyes.

 

“Good, you're awake.” She sat down before Clarke. Watching the blonde shift and swipe a hand down her face before looking over to where Obe had been but finding it empty. Letting her eyes adjust to the dark world around her, torch light glancing off the metal hilt of Octavia's sword. “Lincoln is preparing to move out and he asked me to find you but we need to do something about your hair.”

 

“Yeah.. you're right,” she grunted in agreement and touched the now mangled braids. “Easy to pick me out.”

 

“Right but Lincoln taught me so I'll make it so no one will.”

 

“Oh yeah? How?”

 

“Braids and black cloth of course,” the girl gave her a small smile and gestured for Clarke to turn away from her. Resting her hands Clarke's shoulders to steady her when she finally managed to move. Her limbs still full of sleep and heavy. The desire for sleep growing stronger once Octavia started with her hair. Unraveling old braids to make room for new ones. Pulling them tight against the side of her head and behind her ears. Winding over one another into one down her back, tight but still comfortable enough to forget in the heat of battle. The brunette at her back hummed before draping black linen over her work then patted Clarke's shoulder. “Done but you've still got to see Indra again. She has armor for you.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Yeah.. just.. do me a favor?” Clarke turned to face the woman and nodded for her to continue. “I heard about the blue cliff clan, how ruthless they are. How good they are at war so.. will you look after Lincoln? I know he is strong, he is a good fighter but I-”

 

“Don't worry, I'll do my best to keep him alive but in return I'll ask that you survive this battle too.”

 

“I lived under the floor in the Ark for sixteen years, I've barely had a chance to be free and no blue cliff warrior will stand in the way of me getting that freedom.” She told her with determination in her voice, reflecting in the gleam of her eyes.

 

“Good,” Clarke rose to her feet as Octavia did. Allowing the woman to lead her to Indra. Finding the general standing next to an armor smith. The two seemingly in a glare off before Clarke and Octavia walked up. “Indra.”

 

“Clarke.” The general looked her up and down then nodded approvingly. “Terra here will you get fitted but make it quick. Lincoln is ready to go, just waiting for you.”

 

“Sha Indra,” Clarke met Terra's brown eyed glare. The woman suddenly thrusting out to her leather armor that would fit beneath her jacket. Thin and light but enough to stop a blow from seriously hurting her. The leather black with bronze metal clasps at the sides and it slightly reminded Clarke of what she'd worn in Otta but she shrugged off her weapons then jacket. Pulling it on over her her shirt, tightening the clasps as Octavia stood by.

 

“Its so strange..” She began once Terra wandered off after handing her a pair of matching black leather gauntlets. “Months ago you were wearing something given to you by the commander and you looked as if it didn't belong there. You used a gun and not a sword or a bow. Hell I'm pretty sure you'd never even picked one up before but now.. this is the only thing I could ever see you as. A warrior through and through.” She handed over the gauntlets, watching Clarke pulled them. Tightening the clasps then pulling her jacket back on.

 

“So I remind you of you?”

 

“I'm not a warrior just yet.” She sighed and looked away. Over to Lincoln where he stood next the gate with ready warriors but Clarke reached out. Gripping her shoulder tightly.

 

“You're a warrior O, even if you're a second. You're a warrior and so much more of one than I could ever be.”

 

“I'm not a second, Indra would never take me back as a second.”

 

“You never know, you-” she was cut off when Lincoln strode up. Staring down at her expectantly and she nodded. Slipping her sword back over her shoulder then her bow and quiver. “We'll continue this after the battle O.” She stuck her arm out and Octavia accepted, gripping her forearm tightly. “May we meet again.”

 

“May we meet again.”

 

“Let's go Clarke,” Lincoln grunted but met Octavia's eyes. Giving her a curt nod then leading the way to the gates. His warriors parting to let him pass but Clarke fell into step behind them. Allowing the healer to take point as they began to dart across the dark forest floor. Lincoln wordlessly directing warriors to the tree around them until he came to Clarke. Meeting her blue eyes filled with moonlight then pointing her to a tree situated between two different warriors and she knew what he was doing. He was trying to ensure her safety and she frowned at him before he disappeared. The sound of boots against tree coming seconds later and she wandered over to her own tree. Stabbing her blades into old marks and climbing silently. Settling herself on a branch and scanning the land below her. Finding it barren of even animals.

 

The night wore on and Clarke relaxed in her position. Tugging her linen hood down closer over her head and listening to the wind flow through the trees. She thought she heard a boot slip against bark but she chalked it up to a trick of the mind. She began to scan the forest floor again, hearing a twig snap somewhere to her right and she focused on the sound but it never came again. Silence resumed and looked out over the trees around her. Finding the horizon budding into a bruising purple, signaling the sun's impending arrival.

 

The sky slowly lightened up and the air around her seemed to shift. Sounds below her beginning then growing louder and louder until she realized an army moved beneath her. They had somehow melted into the world below them without her realizing it. They moved in a precise formation, three in one line then a space between them. Armored in gray and brown leather, stone and metal spears in the front with swords in the middle. Archers in the very back and she knew it'd be their job to take out the archers. The weakly armored warriors now passing just below her.

 

The trikru in the trees around her slowly and silently slipping to the ground but she remained in her spot a moment. Watching them pad silently but not quite reaching them. Letting them edge closer and closer to Ton DC but Clarke didn't move until she spotted Lincoln. The man just as quiet as his warriors, not even seeming to be surprised when Clarke padded up next to him. Stopping when he signaled his warriors to stop. Waiting for the blue cliff army to reach Ton DC from their positions behind trees.

 

The army didn't move again until the sun rose behind their heads then the first war horn sounded off. Then a second, and a third followed by a roar of a war cry. The sound carrying through the forest and Clarke knew the attack had begun. However Lincoln kept his warriors back a few minutes longer until suddenly he left his protection. Signaling his warriors to attack the archers at the back and Clarke moved with them. Grabbing the back of their armors and slashing throats before the warriors before them realized what was happening.

 

The trikru successfully flanking and in response the gates of Ton DC opened. Warriors spilling out before it was closed once more. Trikru archers at the top of its walls firing despite the sun blinding them. Clarke found herself dodging Trikru arrows more than blue cliff swords. Eventually coming to place herself behind blue cliff warriors, leaving them as a buffer for the arrows. Dodging swords swinging for her head, slashing her own sword through armor before darting off to cut down another.

 

Making her way through the army until she was near Lincoln. The man fending off two warriors with his back to Ton DC, the warriors having forced him to fight with the sun in his eyes before Clarke reached him. Tackling a warrior as small as herself to the ground and driving her fist into their face as Lincoln killed the second warrior. Yanking Clarke off of the blue cliff to kill them as well. A glint of thankfulness in his eyes before he darted off. Leaving Clarke to glance at his back before finding Octavia in the thick of battle near the gates, fending off warriors.

 

Clarke fought her way to her until finally reaching her. Grabbing her arm and yanking her close. “What are you doing outside of the gates!” She hissed at her and Octavia pulled herself free in response. “Octavia!”

 

“I followed Indra but we got separated.” She finally responded, jerking her head at an arrow piercing the wood wall on her right before facing Clarke again. “Have you seen her?”

 

“No.”

 

“We need to find her then.”

 

“She can take care of herself.” Clarke whirled, slashing her sword out at a charging warrior. Deflecting his attack and bringing her sword down on his shoulder. Slashing through his armor and into skin. The man staggering back still on his feet before Octavia slashed the back of his knee.

 

“I know she can Clarke but it is still my duty to be by her side.”

 

“I thought you weren't her second anymore?”

 

“Old habits die hard.” The girl gave her a small smile and took off. Leaving Clarke to glance down at the fallen warrior where he groaned in pain. Blood flowing from his wounds but Clarke drew her knife from her belt, kneeling over him before stabbing it into his heart. Killing him instantly. She rose up slowly, wiping her knife clean on her pants and sheathed it again. Taking in the battle around her. Realizing that the numbers of blue cliff and trikru alike were dwindling. More laid dead on the ground than alive with a weapon in hand. The air around her thick with the smell of blood but as she scanned she finally found Indra.

 

Locked in a death grip with the man Clarke recognized as Oz. She had assumed he was nothing more than a scout but she'd been wrong. He was a full blooded warrior, deep blue war paint mixed with blood smeared across his face. Grappling with Indra in full armor and overpowering the general but struggling to do so. Clarke darted to try and help her but another beat her to it. Octavia slashing at the back of his legs. Grabbing him by his armor and throwing her full weight into pulling him away from Indra.

 

Oz fell backward with her weight and she slipped out from behind him. Immediately pointing her sword edge at his throat menacingly but he grabbed her ankle. Pulling her down with him then swinging his heavy body over her, pining her to the ground. Driving his fist squarely into her face but the girl merely grunting. Struggling against him before Indra managed to rise behind him. Stabbing her sword through his unprotected neck. His blood mixing with Octavia's from where it dripped off of Indra's sword.

 

“Stupid sky girl,” the general grunted but drew her sword back. Pushing the large man away from Octavia. Pausing above her a moment then reaching out. Offering her hand and Octavia took it. Allowing herself to be hauled up and Indra clamped her hand down on her shoulder. Squeezing tightly, “I had him where I wanted him. I did not need your interference.”

 

“Sure you did Indra,” Octavia wiped at the blood on her face but her lips still hinted at a smile despite Indra's scowl.

 

“Find me after the battle.. should we both see it through.”

 

“We will.”

 

“We shall see,” the general left her then. Throwing herself back into the battle as Clarke finally reached Octavia. Gripping her head and tilting it up to get a better view of her nose despite the girl pushing back at her.

 

“I'm fine Clarke.”

 

“He broke your nose.”

 

“And I'm fine.” She grunted, stepping back from Clarke. “Where is Lincoln?”

 

“I..” she swallowed. “I don't know.” She'd lost track of him when she'd rushed to Octavia and hadn't seen him since. She doubted he'd fall but with what she knew of the blue cliff clan that it was entirely possible he could've.

 

“Go and find him Clarke, I'll stay with Indra but you find Lincoln. Help him end this battle before any more of the trikru die.”

 

Clarke nodded and left the girl. Assisting trikru warriors in her search for Lincoln until finally finding him. The man kneeling at a warrior's side. His hands on their chest and murmuring to them as Clarke finally stepped up. Peering down at the trikru warrior bleeding out on the forest floor, a deep gash in his neck that Lincoln seemed to have tried to stop but failed.

 

“Lincoln.”

 

The man looked up at her then back down to the warrior. “Clarke.”

 

“You tried but-”

 

“I know, you cannot save them all.” He straightened up and looked out over the remainder of the battle. Watching trikru warriors begin to gang up on the remaining blue cliff. Cutting them down and signaling the end of the battle. A trikru victory but a bloody victory all the same. As many trikru laid dead as the blue cliff and there was no victory shout when the last hit the ground.

 

“Right..”

 

“Come, we have a lot to do now.” He murmured and lead the way to the gates of Ton DC that suddenly swung open. A few seconds carrying spears heading to search among the dead but Clarke didn't watch them. Instead focusing her attention on Octavia and Indra, the two making their way to Indra's quarters as Lincoln beside her wandered off to find the injured. She decided to follow Lincoln, allowing him to lead her to the area of the village filled with injured warriors. Many sitting up with minor wounds but others teetering dangerously near death.

 

She and other healers worked through the injured until night began to fall. Only losing a few warriors over the course of the day in the aftermath of the battle. Funeral pyres were built beyond the walls of Ton DC, blue cliff and trikru alike burned but Clarke stayed inside. Finding a well of water to clean herself up in, washing away blood from her skin and clothes. Cleaning the wound on her bicep from the battle of Polis, relieved to find it uninfected.

 

“You survived.” A voice spoke above her and she looked up, finding Obe. The guard captain clean of blood and seemingly uninjured as he took a seat next to her. Holding out dried meat and she took it silently with a nod of thanks. “Indra is smart, resourceful but we were stupid.”

 

“Yeah.. we were,” she bit in the meat and chewed slowly until swallowing. “But we survived and trikru won the battle.”

 

“This is true.. but at too much of a cost. Nearly the entire army that Indra built for Arcadia is dead. The army that ouskejon sent is entirely dead except for a scout that we managed to capture.” He explained and rubbed his thumbs over his hands. “Indra plans to join heda Lexa. Those too injured to move will be kept here with a handful of gona to protect them and it leads me to ask you what you will do now.”

 

“My people are dead Obe, all but Octavia and myself. I made an agreement with Lexa that the skaikru would join the coalition and it is what we will do. We will fight alongside her in the war.. I will go to Hilelia.”

 

“May the gods have mercy on those who oppose you wanheda.” He stood and brushed dirt off of the seat of his pants before nodding to her. Leaving her alone in the falling darkness but she stood. Listening to the sound of horses being prepared and warriors getting to their feet. Octavia suddenly appeared at her side and touched her lightly on the arm. Her face clean of blood but nose red and swollen from the break.

 

“Are we going?”

 

“To Hilelia? Yes.. if you are willing.”

 

“There is nothing left for me here. The skaikru are all dead.. Bellamy included.” Her voice dropped at the mention of her brother's name and for a moment Clarke wondered if she'd had a moment to even mourn for him. She'd only seen the girl working since Clarke had arrived. Preparing for the fight, fighting and so on. She hadn't taken a moment to pause but this seemed to be her moment to do so. She stood rigidly but shook her head, sucking in a sharp breath. Fighting an internal battle until she finally met Clarke's eyes. Her hazel eyes hardening by the second, “Indra took me back as her second.”

 

“Congra-”

 

“She said my fighting skills were so bad that if she didn't I'd end up dying in the next fight.” The girl shook her head but there was still a hint of pride in her voice despite the sadness at losing Bellamy. “Said even you were a better warrior than me.”

 

“To be fair.. it was learn or die.”

 

“Sha but whatever. We're moving out, Indra has separated the remaining army into groups to head for Hilelia. Says she doesn't want it to be too obvious that we're an army in case we run into the azgeda army.”

 

“Makes sense.” Clarke let Octavia take the lead, the woman leading her to the horses that Obe held onto. The horses she recognized as the ones that Roja had given them. The tall man silently handing over the reins to Clarke before mounting his own. Indra signaling groups ahead of them to leave the camp and Clarke mounted her horse. Following Obe out when Indra signaled his group. A small party of four other warriors, himself and her.

 

Obe took the lead, directing them away from the other groups. Clarke's horse immediately falling into step behind his despite the moonlight above them. The other warriors lining up behind her, riding their own horses. The number of lost warriors gave them the opportunity to ride instead of walk, a small blessing in the wake of such devastation.

 

The ride was silent aside from a woman behind her humming a song to herself. Only stopping her hums when they paused to rest for a few hours at dawn for each day that passed. Clarke had no idea how far away Hilelia was. She didn't know if it would take days or even a full week but she kept quiet. Letting the woman hums fill her mind as they rode. Only coming across another group once before wandering away from them. Never once coming into contact with any azgeda or blue cliff the further north east they rode. Once coming across a quiet trikru village along a lazy river but no one spoke as they skirted it.

 

Obe only finally speaking as a ruined city grew in the distance when they stopped on a hill top. Giving them a view of what stretched beyond the small trees that had grown in the city. The land reclaiming what man had created after almost a hundred years. He pointed his finger out over the tops of crumbling towers to a river that flowed beyond them.

 

“Hilelia is beyond that river, between it and the ocean but no bridges cross the river.”

 

“Then how do we cross?” Clarke asked from her spot beside him, her horse impatiently pawing at the grass beneath her. Her own impatience mirroring within him but she focused on the guard captain. “Do we swim?”

 

“No, it is too deep and fast for that. The floukru keep warriors on the opposite side. Ferrying people across should they deem themselves friendly on a boat. Luna and all of the leaders before her ensured that Hilelia remained a peaceful city, the same as Polis.”

 

“Polis isn't so peaceful anymore.”

 

“And Hilelia is now the last.”

 

“May it remain so..” Clarke murmured and Obe pushed his horse down the hill. Leading the group into the ruined city. Weaving through rusted heaps of metal and hooves noisily echoing off crumbling buildings as they met stone off and on. Clarke let out a relieved breath, grateful to learn that hopefully the almost three day journey to the city was almost over. The sun beginning to set behind her but her focus was torn from the ride as something fell on her left. A small animal darting out of its hiding and across Obe's path. A flash of gray fur disappearing into another hiding spot with a screech but it was forgotten when they finally reached the river.

 

Other groups already present, Indra's included. Clarke found Octavia sitting on the lip of a metal beam beneath a large tree. The branches swaying in the breeze off the river and the girl turning a piece of metal over and over in her hands before looking up at Clarke. “You made it.”

 

“Of course I did,” Clarke dismounted her horse but held onto the reins as she sat down next to Octavia. Studying her as she smoothed her fingers over the rough surface of the slightly rusted metal. Short nails chipping away at the white paint that remained on one side. “What is that?”

 

“One of the warriors in my group said it was a piece of propeller off of a plane but I don't know if he was telling the truth.. How would it have survived after all this time with paint still on it? I mean.. I've seen signs that still had paint on them but this is different. I pulled it out of a puddle of water.”

 

“Where?”

 

“Back there,” she pointed over Clarke's head to a shadowy crumbling building that her own group had passed on their way up but she hadn't known what it was. “The warrior said it was a airport before the war and I guess this piece proves him right.. if it is propeller anyway.”

 

“Obe may be able to tell you for certain.” She eyed the warrior where he spoke to Indra. Another man beside him lighting torches and passing them out to others around them. No doubt a signal to the floukru that they were there. “Or even someone in Hilelia.”

 

“Indra says we'll get in, she and Luna have known each other as long as Lexa has known the floukru leader. Even Lincoln knows her, they were friends before she became leader and even still.”

 

Clarke hummed in hopeful agreement, listening to the river flow from her spot beside Octavia. She turned her head to peer into the darkness over the water but she froze when she spotted a flicker of light. More light joining the first and the hum of an engine growing louder and louder until a boat was clearly visible in torch light. The engine cutting off as it coasted gently up to the stone barrier between river and land. Ropes tossed over the side and trikru tied it down on metal posts.

 

A woman with a head of red curls jumped over the side of the boat and onto dry land. Torch light playing on her dark golden skin, filling her curious brown eyes and the hint of a smile on her lips when her eyes found Lincoln as he approached her.

 

“Luna,” he spoke her name and her lips curved into a full smile.

 

 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided against a completely canon Luna.

Luna was different from what Clarke had expected. As a friend of Lincoln and Lexa both she had expected someone as equally quiet as they were but she was different. She spoke her mind and seemed so much more approachable, warm, gentle even. Up until the moment she wasn't. She'd decided to walk among the trikru warriors, glancing over each and every one of them. Offering them a small smile until she came to a man who didn't smile at her.

 

He frowned at her in the dim light and Clarke just managed to see to glint of fire light against the blade of a dagger as the warrior slashed out at Luna but the woman must have seen it coming before hand. She twisted and gripped his wrist, breaking it in one fluid motion as one of her guards plunged his own dagger through the assassin's left eye. Immediately killing him and cutting off the scream of pain that had erupted from his throat.

 

“I trust this was not a planned attack by the trikru?” She was quick to release the dead man as she spoke and a low murmur broke out among the warriors around her. “Lincoln? Indra?”

 

“No Luna, this was not planned.” Indra told her but Lincoln strode to the dead man. Searching him silently before grabbing the dagger he'd dropped. Studying the dagger, his fingers smoothing over the sun bleached bone handle.

 

“Blue cliff.. must have hidden himself during the battle and stolen trikru clothing to blend in.” He straightened up and handed the dagger over to Luna before she tossed it to the dirt. Instead studying Lincoln then Indra before nodding curtly. “It was not our intention to bring an assassin to you Luna.”

 

“I doubt either of you would throw away such good friendships in such little time,” she smiled and nodded again but this time seemingly to herself. “I will allow your warriors into the city to join heda Lexa's army but I am confused as to why you did not join sooner and that your group isn't bigger. She said there would be more than her own clan but also skaikru. Yet I've only seen wanheda and the other girl.”

 

“The skaikru were slain by the ouskejon.” Indra explained, not turning her head to look at Clarke as she approached. “Heda Lexa asked that I build an army for their protection but it was not built in time. The army meant for them however fought in a battle outside of Ton DC. A tough victory but still a victory.”

 

“I see.” Luna studied Clarke before clasping her hands before herself, “wanheda.”

 

“Luna.”

 

“It is an honor to have you enter my city but I ask that you bring no death with you.”

 

“Death follows me wherever I go whether I want it or not.”

 

“So it seems wanheda.”

 

“Call me Clarke.”

 

“Of course.. Clarke,” she moved away from them. Heading back towards the boat and stepping back onto the deck. Indra and Lincoln following but remaining on the shore. “More boats will come and move this meager army across the river. They will be treated for any wounds and given somewhere to stay for the time being.”

 

“Thank you,” Lincoln seemed to relax for a moment as Luna's boat was untied from the shore and pushed away. Disappearing into the darkness but minutes later more boats began to cross. Warriors directing trikru onto their boats, Clarke herself directed to board with Indra, Lincoln, Obe and Octavia. The others standing as Clarke sat on the lip of the boat, gripping tightly as it pushed through the dark water to the opposite side.

 

The shore lit by torches and a figure standing beside Luna. Luna still smiling while the other person stood like a statue. Hard and unmovable but seeming to shift once Clarke set foot on the wood dock. The sound of her footsteps echoing off the water until she hit the sandy beach. Coming to a halt before the figure whose head was covered by a black hood.

 

“Welcome to Hilelia Clarke,” Luna welcomed her and the person beside her nodded in agreement. “Heda Lexa will be pleased to see that you've finally arrived. She frets over your well being as if you were a child but I know that you are so much more than that.” She smiled and the figure let out an exasperated sigh.

 

“I'm surprised shes had the time to worry about me.. I would have thought she'd be more worried about having ridden a boat to get here.” She knew the figure was Lexa now and she took the opportunity to make a dig at her but no reaction came.

 

That seemed to flip a switch in Luna however as the woman let out a laugh. “Oh yes, I was very surprised when my warriors were charging the docks for a trade ship filled with Polis guard and citizens as well as the commander. The one who hates boats and hates being on the open ocean even more.”

 

“Your boats.. they use solar energy.”

 

“Lucky for us to have been able to restore them to working order all those years ago.” She shook her head, “but that is a conversation for another day. Follow me and I'll show you to a bed for the night. Tomorrow we'll find you somewhere a little more fitting for you.” She chuckled, “can't have wanheda sleeping in a boarding house for the duration of her stay now can we.”

 

“I can stay wherever there is room for me. It doesn't need to be special or anything.”

 

“None of our beds are as comfortable as Polis' beds I'm afraid.” Luna lead the way down torch lit stone paved streets. Passing by red brick structures that still stood, wood and metal structures standing where the old city had crumbled into nothing. Clarke followed as Luna turned down a side street, leading her straight up to a large building patched with wood where the original brick had fallen away. The double doors that stood closed scarred but Luna pushed only one open. The inside lit by candles and the long hallway stretching back to Clarke assumed was the opposite side. Separate hallways leading off but Luna turned into a different room.

 

Voices could be heard until suddenly they stopped when Clarke stepped in. Multiple sets of eyes focusing on her in the candlelight and she recognized the nightbloods. All of them sitting comfortably around a large wooden table. Titus at the head furthest away from her but getting to his feet with a frown as Ontari sat in her seat on his right. Her lips curved into a relieved smile.

 

“ _To bed,”_ he ordered the nightbloods and they obeyed immediately. Leaving the room through the door they'd just come through leaving Luna, Lexa, Ontari and Clarke alone. Obe joining them barely seconds after the nightbloods were gone. Bending forward to avoid hitting the top of the door frame that were shorter than the ones in Polis.

 

“Indra asked me to inform you that all of the boats are back in the harbor and our warriors are now in Hilelia heda.” He spoke as the commander removed her hood and she nodded.

 

“I believe that is my cue to leave,” Luna murmured. Crossing the room to stand next to Obe, casting a glance up at the man then back to the others. “Get some sleep..” she met Lexa's gaze, “all of you.”

 

“Thank you Luna.” Lexa left the room silently and Obe followed her. Leaving Clarke and Ontari alone in the large room but the ice warrior kept her seat for a moment longer. Studying Clarke in the candlelight before finally rising. Blowing out candles as she passed them until coming to a halt before Clarke.

 

“Its good to see you that made it here finally.” She murmured and Clarke nodded. Taking in the sight of the warrior standing there. Clean faced and armor free. Dressed down in what she assumed to be floukru clothing more than anything else. Faded blue loose shirt that had seen many repairs, the sleeves ripped off revealing a healing arrow wound but what Clarke assumed to be a purposeful rip in the front. Dipping low to reveal cleavage but her pants tight and black. Her boots loosely laced but her own, “perhaps now heda will be able to relax.”

 

“There isn't much time to relax when a wars just started Ontari.”

 

“You're right.. and Hilelia becomes a target as long as Lexa is here. It may be well protected but it is closer to the azgeda than Polis is. The sangedakru border is near as well, a clan I would assume is in alliance with Nia or possibly trying to remain out of the war.”

 

“Is there anyone not allied with Nia at this point?”

 

Ontari remained silent a moment then sighed, “besides the floukru.. I don't know. Heda sent riders to clans she thinks may ally with her but nothing has come back yet. I sent Suoh to Bjorn but I have yet to get a reply.”

 

“It doesn't look good..”

 

“No.. it doesn't. Heda may have to meet with other leaders personally to try and make alliances but that is dangerous. If they have already allied themselves with Nia then they could turn on her, attempt to kill her while she is within their territory.” She shook her head, “but it is something that we can worry about tomorrow. After a good nights rest.”

 

“Right..” she agreed and Ontari blew out the rest of the candles in the room but kept one in her hand. Leading Clarke out and down a long hallway to a room at the very end. The door cracked open before Ontari pushed it open fully. Lighting another candle inside and directing Clarke to the single bed. “Where are you sleeping tonight?”

 

“Directly across the hall.. unless..” she trailed off and let it sink in. Letting Clarke wonder for a moment what she wanted to do. The blonde looking down to her muddy boots as a part of her wanted Ontari to stay. To chase away the nightmares with her warmth but she knew it was only a temporary fix and that she wouldn't always be there. That she had to learn to fight them on her own but she let out a sigh. The desire for her to stay suddenly weighing heavy on her heart and she looked up. Meeting her brown eyes and nodded.

 

“Stay.. for tonight at least.”

 

“Of course,” she blew out her candle as Clarke stripped off her weapons. Leaning them against the wall near the bed then peeling off her jacket. Dropping it to the floor then removing the armor Terra had given her. Pulling at the clasps as Ontari sat on the bed. Watching her quietly dump the armor on the floor on top of her jacket, gauntlets joining soon after. Unceremoniously kicking off her boots before sitting back down on the bed while Ontari pushed her own off. Lying back against the furs and opening her arms, “come here.”

 

Clarke shifted and lied back into her, pushing an arm beneath the ice warrior carefully. Still wary of her ribs but the warrior pulled her in closer until she was pressed tightly into her side. Clarke's head beneath Ontari's, warm fingers playing in the braids that had loosened during the battle days ago. Minutes passing before Ontari blew out the candle, throwing them into darkness despite the open window beside them. The moonlight not quite strong enough to fill the room. The fingers playing in her hair slowing gradually until they laid warmly over her shoulder. The sound of a beating heart beneath her ear slowing but following a steady rhythm as the warrior slept soundly.

 

Clarke wasn't sure when she fell asleep as she snapped her eyes open the next morning. Greeted by a screech of a seagull perched in her open window. Black eyes focusing on her as it cocked its head in curiosity. She waved her hand and it took off in a flurry of white feathers as she sat up in the bed. Realizing she was alone but that Ontari had at least taken a moment to lay a thin blanket over her before leaving. Her weapons still leaned against the wall but when she got out of bed she didn't pick them up. She shoved her feet back into her boots and grabbed her jacket before leaving.

 

Following the long hallway that she'd walked on her way to the room. Hearing voices rise from a room somewhere nearby and as she walked to find it she scanned the building she was in. Walls the color of cream but dusted over with soot, the floor an off white slick material she hadn't seen before that had seen better days and she wondered how it had all managed to survive. The double doors leading in were scarred and had suffered greatly while the inside had not.

 

“Clarke,” a voice echoed off the walls behind her and she turned. Finding Lexa standing in an open doorway. Dressed drastically different than Clarke had ever seen her. No longer wearing the long coat she normally did but in a black tunic that seemed a little too big for her, the long sleeves nearly hiding her hands. Black pants ripped at the knees but with her own boots. “You're finally awake.”

 

“Yeah well, some people like to sleep in a little after fighting in a battle.”

 

“You get it where you can in times of war.”

 

“May be one the last good nights sleep I get for a long time coming.”

 

“Perhaps.. but perhaps not,” Lexa eyed Clarke. Taking in her still bloodstained clothes and hair before nodding to herself. “Would you like to take a bath? I'm sure walking around covered in blood is as uncomfortable for you as I find it to be.”

 

“I would, haven't bathed since Polis.” Lexa wordlessly nodded and lead the way. Following the long hallway to the exit but pausing to pull up the hood on her tunic before pushing through the door. Sunlight filtering through as Clarke stepped through, shielding her eyes momentarily. The light not seeming to bother Lexa as she walked. Crossing the street and passing by a building that had been expanded. The wood roof stretching out but Lexa stepped through a side door, pausing momentarily to make sure Clarke was still following her before continuing.

 

The inside of the building wasn't lit by torches or candles, but by solar energy. Questions immediately rose about how the floukru still had functioning light bulbs but she pushed them away when Lexa stopped before her. Facing her slowly and gesturing to the door next to her. “Luna believes in public bathing..” she trailed off and shifted her weight. “A quirk of the floukru.”

 

“Saves water I guess.”

 

“Perhaps but it is also too much of a risk.”

 

“Isn't Hilelia supposed to be peaceful?” Clarke approached the door and rest her hand on the handle. Studying the commander's steeled over gaze. “But I suppose the idea of a peaceful city got destroyed when Polis fell.” She paused a moment before continuing, “Hilelia may be peaceful but that won't stop any attacks.”

 

Lexa nodded, “and it hasn't, there have been attempts.”

 

“I see but its still a neutral zone city.”

 

“Yes and where Polis had a no weapons rule, Hilelia does not. The people are encouraged to have some skill in fighting but it has a much larger force dedicated to policing its people.”

 

“Perhaps Polis could learn a thing or two from Hilelia then.”

 

“Perhaps... but you should go in. Just leave your clothes on the floor and someone will come in to take them then bring you something clean to wear.”

 

“And they'll be returned to me later on?”

 

“Sha.”

 

“Okay then,” Clarke let herself into the room. Pleased to find it empty as she closed the door behind her. The air of the room warm but not stifling as she crossed closer to the clear pool of water built into the ground. Wood floor creaking beneath her weight when she knelt, dipping her fingers in and surprisingly finding it warm. Her mind beginning to fill with hundreds of questions about how but she stripped. Leaving her blood stained clothes on the floor but setting the knife from her boots close to the edge. Hilelia may be peaceful but after Polis she knew she needed to be ready for anything as she slipped into the water.

 

–

 

The heat of the sun burned through the black of her hood. Setting her skin on fire as she hurriedly followed the path away from the bathhouse. Passing several food vendors and even a small building for tattoos. A dog barked at her when she skirted it and Luna turned to find her in the thin crowd. Her red hair seemingly even more ablaze in the sun. Setting her apart from her people who seemed to care little that their leader was standing on a street corner in a long turquoise dress. So out of place, so out of the norm but still somehow entirely within it.

 

“ _And she finally graces us with her presence.”_ Luna smiled despite Lexa's frown. Gesturing for her to follow her through the thin crowd that followed cracked stone sidewalks. “ _The sky girl is finally awake?”_

 

“ _Sha but bathing now.”_

 

“ _Good.. she smelled almost as bad as a horses ass and trust me I know how bad one smells.”_

 

“ _She fought in a battle defending my people.”_ Lexa defended.

 

“ _So she can fight but she can't remember to bathe unless someone tells her to? I wonder if all sky people are like her..”_

 

“ _And I suspect you'll never find out. The ouskejon killed them all then burned their camp down.”_ Lexa stood aside to allow a woman to pass when Luna suddenly paused by a fruit stand. Picking out a red fruit before paying the vendor then continuing on her way.

 

“ _Then for some reason the great wanheda fought alongside your people that were meant to protect her people.. she is a strange one alright. I'm beginning to see why you have such a thing for her.”_

 

“ _I don't.”_

 

Luna abruptly halted and faced Lexa, _“one of her people nearly wiped out an entire village then she killed him. You allowed it to happen and the village was robbed of their revenge.. that is not something you'd allow anyone else to do. Not even Cos-”_

 

“ _Don't.”_ She cut her off, not wanting to speak the name and bring forth memories long since passed. Being in Hilelia was hard enough, revisiting places she had once seen with Costia hurt her in ways she wasn't prepared for.

 

“ _She was my sister Lexa. I can say her name if I want to.”_ Luna bristled and narrowed her eyes before calming herself down with a shake of her head. _“When the girl finishes her bath we'll begin the meeting. I'm sure you're tired of waiting for it to happen just as you're tired of waiting for word for your supposed allies further west.”_

 

“ _Supposed?”_

 

“ _If they haven't replied yet then what makes you think they will at all? Even if they chose to they wouldn't send word by a rider who may or may not be entirely loyal to the coalition.”_

 

“ _Maybe.”_

 

“ _Maybe not, I could be wrong.”_

 

“ _Nia was able to raise an army with alliances to take Polis.. so yes, maybe.”_

 

“ _You sound almost ready to give up.”_

 

“ _Not just yet.”_ Lexa murmured and Luna shrugged. Leading the way across a narrow street then crossing a small field showered in hot sunlight. Passing beneath trees at the edge of the field then up a set of stairs into another building. Smaller than the one Lexa had slept in but filled with guards. Two standing on either side of a closed doorway but one of them moving to open the door for Luna. Closing it behind Lexa.

 

“ _Sit,”_ the woman directed her to a seat at the round table in the center of the room before she took her own seat. Crossing her legs at the knee and drawing a short knife from a sheath hidden beneath her dress at the collarbone. Cutting into her fruit silently and it was a welcome silence.

 

Luna had been right. So very right and it almost shook Lexa despite being aware of it herself. Each day that passed with no word from the west made her wary. She already knew of the ambassadors who had visited Ontre but not exactly who. She had great doubt that Luna would send one in her stead but the others she was less sure of. Boudalan she had much hope for, Hollow was a good and loyal leader but beside the floukru. She had little hope for any other as the podakru leader had died within the last year. Leadership falling to Dusk, one of the previous leaders youngest sons. Dusk one she had yet to meet as the skaikru had fallen just after the shift in leadership.

 

“ _You sure are quiet.”_ Luna rose from her chair and stood over Lexa. Holding out a slice of fruit to her, _“eat and speak your mind.”_

 

“ _Just thinking of possible alliances,”_ she accepted the fruit and bit into it. Surprised by the tartness but not letting it show on her features as she swallowed. _“The podakru boy.. Dusk. He is untried and I don't know where his alliances would lie.”_

 

“ _Dusk shares his late father's views. You and I both know that Koven was no big lover of Nia and preferred to stay out of war rather than within it. He could never afford to lose the land around those great lakes of his. His people would've starved but I believe that where Koven chose neutrality.. Dusk would not.”_

 

“ _You've not even met him.”_

 

“ _I don't have to. He is young, he is reckless and untried like you said.. he will look for a chance to prove himself.”_

 

“ _Then whats to stop him from joining Nia?”_

 

“ _His father,”_ Luna laughed softly to herself as the door opened behind Lexa. A group of five entering and taking their respective seats at the table as Lexa scanned them. A woman taking the seat next to her avoided meeting her gaze. Her blue eyes spoke volumes of how uncomfortable she was in that position as she nervous tucked a lock of damp auburn hair behind her right ear. Sunlight from the window next to her glinting off the metal spikes driven through her visible ear following from the curved top to the bottom. _“And my lovely generals have finally decided to show.”_

 

“ _Weren't aware you wanted us sooner Luna.”_ One of the men grunted from the opposite side of the table. Long dark brown hair falling over his muscled shoulders as he leaned forward, light blue eyes narrowed menacingly before he let out a soft chuckle. _“Anne over there took her sweet time bringing her ship back to port.”_

 

“ _Shut it pretty boy,”_ Anne snarled, her nervousness tossed to the wind. Her hand coming to rest on the hilt of a sword strapped to her hip. _“Before I cut that tongue of yours out of your mouth.”_

 

“ _And you'd be robbing the ladies of Hilelia a true pleasure,”_ he shot back at her with a smirk but Anne scowled at him harshly.

 

“ _Shut up the two of you.”_ Luna moved back to her seat but remained standing. _“Behave yourself for once Vane, you are in the presence of your commander.”_ She glared at the dark haired man and he shrugged as he leaned back into his seat. _“And now all we wait for is Wanheda.”_

 

“ _I thought you said the commander was already here,”_ Vane questioned and Lexa pushed back her hood. Meeting his gaze head on, his thin lips turning down into a frown when he recognized her. _“The other commander then.”_

 

“ _Her name is Clarke.”_

 

“ _And I wouldn't want the commander of death to use her control over death to carry me to an early grave for using her name rather than her title.”_ He smiled, _“if she could take me anyway.”_

 

“ _If she is anything of what I've heard Vane..”_ Luna took her seat as she spoke. Clasping her hands together in her lap.

 

“ _Weak rumors is all that is.”_ Anne added gruffly, still avoiding Lexa's gaze when she turned her head to look at her.

 

“ _I'll show you how weak those rumors are if you like,”_ a new voice spoke up from the open door behind them and seven heads turned to find Clarke standing there. Clean and dressed in a loose charcoal gray shirt. Black leather pants clinging to her legs and her boots loosely laced up as she took the only open seat next between Luna and Lexa. Crossing her legs at the knee and throwing a sharp glare at Anne at the woman's silence. _“Thought so..”_

 

“ _Now if all of you are done acting so childish.. we can get on with this meeting.”_ Luna glanced at Lexa then met the faces of her general's until landing on Clarke. _“But still not all quite that sure why you are here..”_

 

“ _She is trikru ally.”_ Lexa replied with a quick glance at Clarke, _“we agreed that should we both survive the battle of Polis that her people would join the coalition.”_

 

“ _Her people are all dead, what use is that alliance now?”_ Vane questioned and Lexa knew it was a valid point. Clarke and Octavia were the sole survivors. A warrior and a barely trained second were no big contribution in the war but while she sat in that chair. Surrounded by Luna's generals she saw just how far the legend that was wanheda had reached. She was the one who brought the mountain to its knees. She was the one who had disappeared in the months afterwards only to reappear alive and a warrior. She still had no idea where Clarke had been during her disappearance as she'd refused to learn from others. Wanting to hear it from Clarke herself by her own desire.

 

“ _Shut up Vane.”_ Luna told him again and he fell quiet. _“This meeting isn't about Clarke and her alliance with heda Lexa. This meeting is about the floukru joining said alliance but it is not a choice that I am willing to make on my own. As all of you know the floukru have long kept to themselves. We have fought in no wars during my time as leader nor have the others before me but this is different. This war threatens all of us.. anyone not for Nia is against her and she has made this known to me already.”_ She glanced at Lexa again but this was news to her. She didn't know that Nia had already contacted Luna.

 

“ _Then what is it that you plan to do?”_ A different general spoke up, his short brunette hair thinning but his green eyes still as bright as ever. _“You don't want to join the war, it is against the idealism that previous leaders held but you also speak as if you have no choice.”_

 

“ _And I don't.. it is join Nia or face her armies like those she isn't in alliance with.”_ She paused and clenched her jaw before continuing. _“I'm already aware of heda Lexa's vote in the matter so I look more for the input of my generals.”_

 

“ _Does wanheda not get a choice?”_ Vane met Clarke's stare as he spoke. His use of her title no doubt an attempt to rile her up.

 

“ _I side with heda, her vote is my vote.”_ Clarke responded quietly, not meeting Lexa's sidelong look as she focused on Vane.

 

“ _Those in favor of joining the war say I.”_ Three voices rose in favor of joining and Luna set her sights on Anne and an older man who sat beside her. Studying them carefully before opening her mouth to address them. _“Tux? Anne?”_

 

“ _I do not want to join the war Luna_ ,” the man began. Rubbing his thumbs against one another in thought a moment as if choosing his next words carefully. His brown eyes showing hints of fear before he blinked and changed in a split second. A second wind of courage flowing through him as he stood up from his seat. His arms covered in black ink from the shoulders to his wrists against the darkness of his skin. _“Instead I ask that I be relieved of my duty as captain of the Airy, the gona under me deserve a captain of greater capabilities. One who is more willing to go into battle with them rather than sit under a roof tattooing skin.”_

 

“ _And both professions are honorable Tux.”_ She gave him a warm and comforting smile before nodding. _“Inform your gona of this change and you are relieved of your duties. You will always be welcome back into my armies should you decide that the life of an artist is no more yours.”_

 

“ _Mochof Luna.”_ The man took his leave through the door with a grateful smile and all watched him go. Even Clarke sat half turned in her seat to watch him go before meeting Lexa's gaze then Luna's.

 

“ _But that still leaves Anne..”_ Luna hummed to herself a moment, _“speak true Anne. Why do you say no to joining?”_

 

“ _All I want is time to consider.”_

 

“ _And time you shall have but I ask for a decision within three days.”_

 

“ _Anne is scared of those northern armies with their pointy spears and dry lands.”_ Vane chuckled and Anne scowled at him. _“A damn good captain but a piss poor general._ ”

 

“ _I'll show you piss poor of a general I am, prove it to ya while I crush your pretty head between my hands.”_ She snarled and stood, pausing for the man's reply but when it didn't come she stormed from the room.

 

“ _Shes so easy to piss off.”_

 

“ _And one day she'll kill you for it.”_

 

“ _It'll be a damn good way to go. Killed by the great Anne kom floukru but I think I'd prefer she crushed my head between her thighs.”_ He smirked and Luna rolled her eyes in disgust. _“So what happens in three days?”_

 

“ _In three days your crews will be expanded upon, it'll no longer be your sailors but hundreds under your command. You'll take your title of general much more seriously as there will be no ships in the north or wherever we may fight.”_

 

“ _And here I thought I'd die at sea.”_

 

“ _There is opportunity for that yet.”_

 

“ _Yeah with Anne's hands holding me beneath the surface.”_ He stood and left the room with a laugh. The other generals following him and the room fell silent in their absence.

 

“Meeting over with then?” Clarke asked in English and Luna nodded.

 

“Yes but don't stray far, I'm going to move back to the coast to begin building the armies for those generals and I want you and Lexa to come with me. It is also where riders will most likely go to look for Lexa should they return.”

 

“And perhaps someone will..” she locked eyes with Lexa and nodded. “I'm going to explore the city in the mean time.”

 

“Take Lexa with you,” Luna replied and Lexa stared at her in confusion, shaking her head slightly but the woman continued. “It'll make it easier for me to find the both of you when it comes time to leave.” She finished with a smirk.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry


	19. Chapter 19

She fiddled with the strap of her sword, fingers playing at the leather across her stomach as she walked alongside the commander. They hadn't spoken to one another since they'd left Clarke's room to get her sword. Either by her own choice or the commander's she wasn't sure. The people they passed on the streets chatted among themselves, either not recognizing the two women or just not caring. Something Clarke found a relief in. No one was looking at her in fear or awe.

 

Lexa turned down a side path and Clarke followed only to pause when they stepped out from between two buildings. Fields stretched out before her, young and green as it shifted in the calm breeze. Small buildings popping up every so often as far as she could see. She wondered why Lexa had decided to bring her there and she turned her head to ask but she stopped when she found the commander sitting quietly on a wood bench beneath a metal awning. Her hood down and long hair laying over her left shoulder, seemingly so at ease that Clarke let out a breath. Pulling her sheathed sword over her head before sitting down next to her.

 

“We walked through the city just to sit by a crop field?” Clarke asked quietly and Lexa nodded without looking over at her. “Why?”

 

“Why not.”

 

Clarke shrugged, laying her sword across her lap but the commander beside her closed her eyes as the breeze washed over them. Her reasoning suddenly making sense as it was the calm before the storm. A chance to relax was enough reason to sit by a field of growing crops and Clarke had to agree because really why not? However it allowed for her thoughts to filter in past the walls she'd built for herself. An overwhelming sadness filled her heart and she let out a shaky breath, the sound drawing Lexa's attention as she shifted ever so slightly. Her lips parting as if to ask but she promptly stopped herself.

 

“I hope Hilelia will still be standing after the war,” she said aloud suddenly and Clarke looked over at her. “It can be very peaceful in places like this and it is one that I'd like to come back to.”

 

“I'm sure you could find peace anywhere you wanted.” She recalled the places she'd been during her time with the exiles. Hoping from one river rock to the next despite Alta's frown but her mentor letting loose a wide smile when Clarke managed to fall into the shallow river. “There is peace out of these walls, there is peace in the rivers and forests. Even a moment on a snow covered field.”

 

“Places on the ground but none in the sky.” It sounded like a question but at the same time it wasn't. Just an observation but Lexa was wrong. There had been peace to be found in the sky but the peace she'd once had was dead. Either floated or murdered.

 

“The peace I found in the sky is gone, dead.”

 

“Memories don't have to be dead Clarke. Only if you choose to forget them do they die but otherwise.. there is still peace to be found within them.”

 

“You talk as if you know from experience.” She shifted in her seat, leaning back further into the wood behind her back. “This place is more than just peaceful for you isn't it. Its a memory of her that makes it truly peaceful.”

 

“A part of it.. but without that memory it is a nice place. It is quiet and calm, few people pass by here as they'd rather follow the roads around the fields.” She pointed over her shoulder at the building behind them, “this is nothing more than a storage barn for when the wheat ripens. No one has reason to be here until then as well.”

 

“I see.”

 

Lexa fell silent with a small nod before leaning over her legs to pull a long blade of grass from its home beside the metal post holding up her side of the bench. The woman pulling back to lean against the back and carefully splitting the grass into three but Clarke stared out of over the wheat again. Realizing that maybe Lexa was right. Memories didn't have to be dead, they could live as long as she chose to remember them. She could still remember playing chess with Wells, remember watching a sports game with her dad and mom. She could remember the happiness she felt within those memories but there was still a twinge of pain.

 

They were nothing but memories now. She wouldn't be able to make new ones. She wouldn't be able to speak to them again, touch them. There was absolutely nothing left and it hurt more than any cut or bruise that she'd felt since falling to the ground.

 

“They're all dead.” She stated and looked over at Lexa. Finding the commander braiding the split blade of grass expertly but not stopping at Clarke's words. “I failed and they're all dead because of that.”

 

Lexa shook her head and looked up to meet watery blue eyes. “It wasn't your fault, you weren't the one who ordered the ouskejon to attack Arcadia.”

 

“I could've been there. I could've fought and maybe..” she sucked in a shaky breath. Swallowing back the almost overwhelming surge of pain and regret. Wondering why she was even saying this to Lexa but she squeezed her eyes shut. Fighting back against the tears that welled. “I could have saved them but I failed and because of that they're all dead.” She finished.

 

Lexa remained silent, either unsure what to say or afraid to even try. Her hand hovering near Clarke's shoulder closest to her but not touching her. The braided grass clenched tightly in her fist and eyes wide in uncertainty but she blinked. “If you want to blame someone.. then-”

 

“No-” Clarke began but Lexa continued anyway.

 

“Blame me. It was my failure Clarke. The army was too slow to come together. They took too long because I took too long.”

 

“That isn't your blame to take Lexa.” Clarke growled, her hand curling around the hilt of her sword tightly. “They were my people. My people that I abandoned in the first place. My people to take care of, not yours!”

 

“But it will still never be your fault that they died. It isn't your failure.” She spoke quietly, sitting back in her seat. Loosening her hold on the braid. Listening to Clarke breathe out harshly beside her. Her hand still gripping her sword tightly as if she was preparing to use it on her but she suddenly loosened her hold. Calming down by the second until she rested against the back of her seat, head down and eyes closed. “You can have your revenge if you desire it. I will make sure you have it.”

 

“I got my revenge at Ton DC.” She opened her eyes once more and studied the wheat.

 

“But did it make you feel better?”

 

“No.. having my people alive would make me feel better.” She looked back over at Lexa once more. Finding the commander holding out the braid to her but waiting a moment before accepting it. Smoothing her fingers lightly over the end knotted with thin twine. The grass so perfectly braided despite Lexa's earlier grip on it.

 

“We should go.. I'm sure Luna will come looking for us soon.” Lexa stood and Clarke nodded slowly.

 

“Go on ahead, I'll catch up in a minute.” The commander remained a moment but began to walk away. Following the path they'd taken to find the bench in the first place but Clarke sat quietly until the sound of Lexa's footsteps faded. A sense of relief flooding her at finally being alone, her walls cracking but she wiped the tears from her eyes and took a deep breath before standing. Slipping her sword over her shoulder and holding onto the braid as she walked to find Lexa. Pausing momentarily to meet her eyes where she leaned against a wood beam at the end of the path with her hood back up. Lexa's lips curling into a comforting smile and for a moment Clarke felt just a little bit better.

 

The walk back to the house was a quiet one. The city around them seemed just a little bit quieter as the sky above them darkened with the promise of rain. The clouds rolling through but the first drop of rain not falling until they were back on the street outside of the building. A train of horses already prepared and Clarke spotted her horse among them. Obe standing next to him with his own horse on his opposite side.

 

“You're back,” Luna guided her horse closer to them. Her head covered in a thin, black hood. “Thought you'd never come back on your own. Was about to send your guard for you Lexa.”

 

“Could have gone on without us.”

 

“And only have Obe for conversation? No thank you, he likes to tell stories of the past and they are ones that I have heard already as I was the one to tell him.” She glanced at the man and smirked at his frown. “Now come on, let's go before the rains start.”

 

“A little rain won't kill you.” Lexa smoothed her hand against the soft gray of Luna's horse as she rounded its front. Finding her own horse in the group and her eyes searching out Clarke until finding her next to Obe.

 

“No but sickness can.” Luna chuckled and pushed her horse into a walk. “Come come.”

 

“Sha Luna.”

 

Clarke stood next to Obe a moment longer before mounting her horse. Grateful to find her bow and quiver attached to the saddle. She gathered up the rope reins but paused when her shoulder was nudged. Her eyes finding Ontari beside her with her jacket extended to her. Clean of blood and somehow smelling better when she pulled it on. Drawing a length of cloth from the pocket and laying it over her hair as the rain began to fall a little more steady. The party moving out slowly with Clarke and Ontari near the end. Obe bringing up the rear.

 

“So you two are on speaking terms?” Ontari asked suddenly as they passed fields of growing wheat along a dirt road.

 

“I guess so.”

 

“Then my mission is complete.”

 

“Your mission?” Clarke asked but then it came to mind. Ontari's original reason to follow Clarke wherever she may go. Her mission to protect but also keep Clarke from harming her commander now a thing of the past. “Oh, right. I guess it is, you're free to do as you please now.”

 

“Not quite, I must still guard the commander.”

 

“But with one less person to worry about.”

 

“While thousands more take your place.” Ontari chuckled, “but we are still friends Clarke kom skaikru.”

 

Clarke nodded, “that we are.”

 

“Which reminds me.”

 

“Of?”

 

“Something I believe you've lost,” the warrior pushed herself up and off the saddle. Pulling a worn notebook from her back pocket. “I found it in the bed in Polis but I didn't have the time to return it to you.”

 

“I-” she eyed the book the woman held before reaching out and taking it back. Flipping it open to find her pencil still inside and she let out a relieved sigh. She hadn't even realized she'd lost it. It had been the farthest thing from her mind but as she pocketed it she felt better in a way she couldn't explain. “Thank you.”

 

“Your welcome.”

 

The rain began to fall harder as they fell silent and Luna ahead of them sped up in response. Forcing the group to ride faster as a unit despite the rain in their faces but it didn't bother Clarke. The fast pace left her little time to think, the rain in her face was calming and the wind in her hair comforting. She pushed her horse faster, passing up Luna and Lexa. The thundering of her horse's hooves drowning out the thunder above in the distance. Her clothes and hair soaked through despite her jacket but she kept going. Following the now muddy road through fields of swaying green. Buildings beginning to pop up in the distance and she slowed her tiring horse. Letting him slow to a walk and the others quickly catching up but where she expected Ontari to pull up to her side. She found Lexa.

 

The commander soaked through but Clarke had little time to study her as Luna rode up to her opposite side. The floukru leader letting out a loud laugh as she ran a hand over her soaked hair. “At first I thought you may be a little crazy Clarke but now.. I may see the beauty in racing through a storm.”

 

Clarke looked up at the clearing skies and sighed, “wasn't aware the storm had been directly over us.”

 

“It wasn't.” Lexa answered before Luna. “Just to the south of us actually but it broke up.”

 

“Wasn't aware you were such a weather expert Lexa.”

 

“I spent a lot of time watching the skies as a nightblood.”

 

“She means she spent a lot of time being useless.” Luna added with a smirk but Clarke was curious how Luna would know that. She glanced at Lexa but found no answer on her features as she frowned at Luna and perhaps there was no answer. Maybe Luna had just been a second alongside Lexa. “There were nights when I'd wake up and she was watching the stars rather than sleeping. She would tell me that it was important to know the sky as well knowing how to fight but I think her spirit is old. Born of the old world but found itself in the new.”

 

“You make fun of me Luna but you learned to navigate by the stars didn't you?.”

 

“And now she is suddenly an expert on the training of ship captains.” Luna directed at Clarke before shaking her head. “She has been talking to Obe too much. That man knows more than he should sometimes.” She ignored the scoff coming from behind her. “The trikru have too much time on their hands I think, sitting in trees all day and thinking.”

 

“You talk but your people are the ones who sit on boats and think all day.” Lexa shot back and Clarke was stunned by this new side to Lexa. A calmer and much more friendly side to her but maybe that was because it was Luna she spoke to. The woman brought out something different but it was something that Clarke could stand to see more. She seemed so much more alive and human in that moment.

 

“We are the ones who get your people fish from the deep ocean. Crabs, lobsters, fish big and small. In any assortment of colors, even some of your poisons come from us.”

 

“And your lumber comes from us to build your flimsy boats.”

 

“They are not flimsy! The floukru build the best boats of all the twelve clans!” Luna defended with a frown as Clarke slowed her horse. Letting herself slip out from between the two leaders as Luna began to defend her people in earnest. Lexa taking it with a frown.

 

“You started a fight Clarke,” Ontari spoke up beside her. “They will go on and on about it for at least a day.”

 

“I did nothing, it was Luna.”

 

“And they will still go on about it until they come to an agreement.”

 

“Probably..” Clarke murmured as she studied Lexa. The woman leaning over in her saddle slightly, pointing one long thin finger at Luna as she shot back a retort about trees. “But their bickering will be a welcome distraction from the war.”

 

“I have to agree with you there,” Ontari nodded then suddenly pointed out ahead of them. To the buildings that grew larger the closer they rode. The first few they came across were simple wooden homes, smoke curling from fires inside but then those homes turned into overturned boats converted into homes. Varying in shapes and sizes along the muddy streets the closer they road to the coast. The cry of birds above them increasing in volume but Clarke stared wide eyed at the largest ship.

 

The hull half above water and half below it, reinforced with metal beams to keep it from returning to the sea behind it. The docks around it extended to meet the hull but a set of stairs leading up to the doorway cut into its side. The entire ship rusted over and windows blacked out as they rode closer until Luna pulled her horse up.

 

“This is the Hilelia,” Luna explained with a glance over her shoulder at Clarke before dismounting. Leading them along the docks then up the stairs. Pointing out the faded white paint on the hull near the door. Clarke swore she could just make a P on the side but she couldn't be sure as _Hilelia_ was still clear to read. “And yes the city was named for it.. but its not the weirdest thing a city has ever been named after. “ She glared at Lexa.

 

“I'm going to throw you over the side of this ship.”

 

“Try little heda, I dare you to try.” Luna stepped through the door and Lexa scowled at her back as they were lead through steel hallways beneath solar powered light. Passing by closed metal doors then up a flight of stairs until Luna finally stopped. Coming to a halt before a hallway with a set of doors and another stairwell. “And this is where you'll all be staying for your stay in Hilelia.”

 

“A giant metal coffin compared to-”

 

“To your tower that towers above Polis, yeah yeah Lexa we get it. Your tower is nice and tall but does it have solar energy?” She paused, “no? Oh well guess what!? The Hilelia does!”

 

Ontari leaned close to Clarke, “Luna is a little.. off sometimes.” She explained and Clarke nodded as Lexa pushed past Luna to a closed door before disappearing into the room. “See you later though.”

 

“Yeah.” Ontari left her side and into Lexa's room as Luna took the stairs up to another level. Obe nudged her from behind before passing her and disappearing into the room directly across from Lexa's. The metal door closing echoed down the hall but Clarke stepped into the room next to her. Closing the door behind her and confused as to why the lights inside were already on. Raining down on the bunk bed and dented metal cabinet. The top bed bare as the bottom was covered in furs.

 

The room felt cold in more ways than one. Void of color and almost too small as she immediately turned to leave. Wishing to escape the feel of those walls closing in on her and ignoring how her still wet clothes clung to her skin as she took the stairs that Luna had. Following them up to a doorway and pushing through onto the deck of the ship. Boots scraping against the rusted surface as she passed chunks of metal that had rusted and fallen. Empty barrels filled with black of guns no longer in use, that could never be used again. Clarke knew the prewar gunship had already been through enough wars in its time but now it entered another as the ocean lapped at its hull.

 

“Clarke?” She half turned to glance at the woman behind her but looked away. Crossing the deck to peer over the edge before dropping. Letting her legs dangle over the side as Ontari came to a stop just behind her before mirroring her. Taking a seat next to her but crossing her legs rather than letting herself dangle. “What's wro-”

 

“Have you gotten word from Bjorn yet?” Clarke cut her off with a question but kept her eyes on the ocean. Spotting chunks of metal that managed to break the surface before being hidden again and she knew it was other shipwrecks. “Has Lexa gotten any word from anyone yet.”

 

“No.. to both, there is nothing but silence.”

 

“I see.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Its the trikru and the floukru against ten other clans. Its becoming a death sentence.”

 

“Bjorn has already agreed to join Lexa in the war.”

 

“But hes not enough to turn the tide.”

 

“No.. he isn't but-”

 

“Its a death sentence.” Clarke repeated and after a moment Ontari nodded solemnly in agreement. There were too few on Lexa's side. Too many on Nia's and the thought sent shivers of fear through her. They would be able to put up a decent enough fight but for how long? How long until there was no one left willing to fight? How long before Lexa had a sword driven through her heart and Nia completely destroyed the coalition. Throwing the clans back into the dark ages of blood and war but as she sat there an idea came to mind. She stood slowly and looked down at Ontari. “I'm going to bed.” She lied.

 

“Do you-”

 

“No.. I think I'll be okay.” She stepped through the door with Ontari's eyes on her back but her mind was far too busy running through the possibility of it working. Of being able to convince the exiles to join Lexa's fight, perhaps not trikru exiles but other clan exiles. She only knew of two exile villages but there were still warriors within them. There were still able-bodied people who could fight who weren't taken by Nia.

 

She rushed through the ship but as she rounded a corner she came to an abrupt halt. Nearly running into Lexa where she walked the hall outside of Clarke's door. The commander's eyes widening before she blinked in confusion.

 

“Clarke?”

 

“Lexa.. I need to talk to you.”

 

“Okay,” she pushed open her door and pulled Lexa in then closed it behind her. “What is it.”

 

“You need allies.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“What about the exiles?” She read the confusion deepen in Lexa's eyes before continuing. “They are warriors.. they can fight but they are just clanless. They-”

 

“They were exiled for a reason Clarke.. they did something that was treacherous enough to have them forced from their homes or they chose on their own to exile themselves. I don't know if they would willingly join the fight or that the warriors who aren't exiled would accept their help.”

 

“And you're right about that but what if they did? What if the warriors accepted their help, what if the exiles wanted to fight as a way to redeem themselves? Would you consider it?”

 

“I..” Lexa visibly swallowed but held Clarke's almost pleading gaze. “I don't know. Some of them murdered fellow warriors or even innocent people who couldn't defend themselves. Some of them threatened the lives of clan leaders but escaped death with self exile. They aren't the most trustworthy of people Clarke. So bad that Nia didn't even pull them into her war.”

 

“And how do you know that she didn't? She'd do anything to win this war Lexa, you know that. She used an innocent girl to try and kill you. She attacked Polis.. a neutral city and probably plans to attack Hilelia now.” She shook her head, “besides.. you don't even know if the exiles themselves would agree to help you. You don't know which ones would accept your offer, some would probably look for the chance to redeem themselves to be able to see their families again. To be able to even have a family again.”

 

“You're right that I don't know but I say no to accepting the exiles into my army.” She spoke with finality in her voice but Clarke ignored it. She wasn't going to give up and let her people's death mean nothing.

 

“What army do you even have Lexa? Compared to the azgeda you have nothing. The floukru are with you and so is the trikru but there are ten other clans that are probably with Nia. Ten Lexa. Ten clans are for Nia, they are allied with her and not you. You need anyone you can get if you even hope to have a chance and I'm willing to go out there to get it.”

 

“How do you plan on convincing them Clarke? You may be wanheda and you may be a legend among many but that alone won't give you the power you need to convince them.”

 

“No.. it doesn't but I know someone who does have the power.” Clarke turned on her heel and left the room. Hearing her own footsteps against metal as she left the ship behind. Boots meeting the slowly drying mud as she walked through the city. Managing to find the stables on her own but not expecting the face that greeted her when she stepped inside.

 

Not expecting to find Lexa's hooded head and annoyed green gaze peering at her from the darkness beneath.

 

“You can't stop me Lexa.”

 

“No.. I can't, you are far too stubborn for that.”

 

“Glad you're finally realizing this.” Clarke pushed past her to her horse in the box behind her. “I'm going to them and I'm going to get them to join you.”

 

“And I'm going with you.”

 

“What?” Clarke stared at her. Her decision to go to the exiles hadn't been on the desire to find Lexa more allies alone. A small part of it was to allow Clarke to breath beyond walls. To extinguish the feeling of being trapped but if Lexa went then she wouldn't have that small freedom. “No, you have to be here if riders come with news of other allies.”

 

“Yes and if that happens then Luna can take care of it,” Lexa looked over her shoulder at the second who led her horse up to her. “We're both going.”

 

“No Lexa.”

 

“Yes.. you intend to ask exiles to join the fight alone. There is no hope of them agreeing to join unless I am there to offer it myself.” Lexa accepted the lead from the second and he rushed off.

 

Maybe Lexa had a point. Alta would be able to possibly convince her own village but not the second. The second village was one that Clarke had even fewer friends in. In fact she had none within its walls but perhaps with Lexa they could gain warriors there.

 

“Fine.. you may be right but if they agree then you must accept them. There is no going back.”

 

“I am heda, I never go back on my word Clarke.” Lexa stepped up to the side of her horse and pulled down a set of clothing from its saddle. “You should change out of your wet clothes and put your armor on.”

 

“Sure but how did you even get here so fast?”

 

“I have been to the coast before. I know where many things are here.”

 

“Of course you do,” Clarke tightened the saddle on her horse before leaving its box to approach Lexa. Taking the clothes and leather armor from her before wandering off to find a place to change out of Lexa's line of sight. Stepping into what she assumed to be a feed room before stripping. Pulling on the clothes that somehow fit her perfectly and she wondered for a moment if Lexa had managed to do it purely by chance but she shook her head. Pushing the thought away and clasping the leather armor over the soft black shirt then the gauntlets before the jacket that was hers. Still damp but she didn't care as she tugged on still wet boots. The legs of her pants tight enough to fit beneath before leaving the room. Her still wet clothes tucked beneath her arm when she found Lexa again. “Let's go.”

 

“Sha,” Lexa lead her horse out beside Clarke. Mounting up beside her but waiting a moment as Clarke pushed the wet clothes into the pouch on the saddle. “Once we're across the river I assume you'll lead the way.”

 

“Yes unless you know the way to the trikru exile village.”

 

“I do but I will let you lead.”

 

“Good idea.”

 

–

 

Lexa followed Clarke silently, studying her in the fading light as night approached. The moon rising once they were across the river and out of Hilelia. The road through the empty city deathly silent except for the sound of hooves against the stone. Their pace slow and Lexa figured it was just Clarke giving herself time to think. The idea of asking exiles for an alliance wasn't something Lexa had ever considered. She didn't trust them plain and simple but she did trust Clarke. She trusted her judgment and if it didn't go as planned then Lexa would be there to help her.

 

It wasn't until the moon was above them that Clarke decided to stop for the night. Slowing her horse to a stop beside a slow flowing creek before dismounting. Still choosing not to speak as she tied her horse to a bush and disappearing into the woods with her bow. Deciding herself to be the one to hunt for food and leaving Lexa to build a small fire. Nimble hands sparking the flame that caught on the dry brush and growing into a small blaze.

 

Clarke returned silently, breaking through the treeline with a bleeding bird in her hand. Small but enough to keep them going. The blonde setting to work plucking it before spearing it through with a sharp stick.

 

“You sure are quiet,” she murmured holding the bird out over the fire.

 

“So are you.”

 

“Don't feel much like talking.”

 

“That's fine.” Lexa shifted and laid on her side, propping her head up with her hand. Watching the horses shift before letting her gaze drift to the flowing creek behind Clarke. Silently wondering who Clarke knew in the exile village who could help her. Wondering if it was one of the places that Clarke had been after she disappeared but she didn't ask. Instead focusing her eyes on Clarke as she tested the meat on the bird but Lexa knew it wasn't ready. It was far too soon for it to be ready.

 

“You should sleep Lexa.” Clarke told her quietly and she was right. She would need her strength for the exiles should they make it sometime during the next day but she doubted they would. “I'll take the first watch until this bird is done then I'll wake you.”

 

Lexa nodded rather than speak. Lying back on her back and looking up at the moon above them. Peeking through the tree tops and she closed her eyes. Breathing in the smell of fire, smoke and the distinct smell of bird roasting but sleep evaded her. So instead listened to Clarke. To the near silent way she shifted, the soft sigh that escaped her and Lexa knew they were sounds she would never tire of. She could listen to Clarke noisily move for a thousand years and never want it to stop.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why Lexa is going with Clarke. I know she should stay in Hilelia where its safe and all that fun stuff but when I started writing it that's just what ended up happening. I am completely aware that Luna may just be a little on the side of batshit crazy but it made me laugh when I wrote it for some reason so I decided to keep it. Sorry not sorry.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is getting closer to overtaking Kill For You in hits and that's kinda exciting, for me at least it is.

Clarke allowed herself to study Lexa as she slept. The features on her face soft in the glow of the fire. Giving her the appearance of a person years younger than she actually was. Shadows flickered at the sharp edge of her jaw, disappearing the moment she shifted her head. Turning away from Clarke and giving her the view of a slender, scar free neck. The longer she sat there studying her, the more she felt the desire to draw her. To immortalize her on off white pages that she could open the moment she wanted to.

 

It was a jarring thought.

 

As if all of her hatred and feelings of betrayal were completely void as the commander slept. As if she were no longer the person who had left her on the mountain. Who hadn't betrayed her and broken whatever Clarke had felt for her so long ago. And maybe she was on the cusp of finding it within herself to forgive her but the question remained.

 

Did she deserve it?

 

Maybe but she wasn't going to give it yet.

 

Instead she prodded the bird. Slicing into it with her knife and finding the meat beneath the skin white. Cooked through completely and she cut into it deeper. Cutting it in half and breaking its thin bones with the knife. The sound cutting through the air and Lexa shifted in response. A sigh escaping her lips as she blinked sleepily up at Clarke. So out of character and almost adorable but Clarke shoved it away.

 

“Just in time.”

 

Lexa was silent as she sat up. Brushing her long hair away from her face before stretching her arms between bent knees then relaxing. Blinking sleep from her eyes and Clarke wondered why Lexa felt so at ease with her to do that. She was vulnerable and she knew she'd never do it if she were with anyone else.

 

“Hurry up before it gets cold.”

 

“Sha,” her voice low and rough as she drew her dagger from its sheath at her thigh. Holding it out to Clarke and she stabbed it through the bird before handing it back. Allowing herself a moment to watch the commander pull the bird apart with her fingers. She began to tear at her own. Not minding the near flavorless taste on her tongue. “You should sleep,” Lexa told her between a bite of meat. “Tomorrow will be long.”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke agreed but she didn't want to sleep. She didn't want to dream and bear witness to the nightmares that haunted her. She didn't want to wake screaming with Lexa watching her. She didn't want to wake with the commander hovering over her in worry. She didn't want to be weak like she was with Ontari.

 

“I'll stay awake, you'll be safe.” Lexa studied her as if she sensed the unease within Clarke.

 

“It isn't my safety that I worry about.”

 

“Its your dreams.” She stated simply and Clarke froze. Wondering for a moment if Ontari had told Lexa about her nightmares but then she let herself nod ever so slightly. Half hoping Lexa hadn't caught it or that she'd assume it was just her shifting but Lexa hummed a moment before continuing. “You'll be safe.” She repeated.

 

“But only physically.”

 

“Anything I-”

 

“No.” Clarke was quick to tell her.

 

“Okay.” Lexa was quick to return to eating but Clarke didn't. She stared into the flames instead. Studying the way they licked around charred wood and her food left forgotten for the moment because despite how tired she felt. Despite Lexa knowing she had nightmares, she wasn't going to sleep. She would force herself to stay awake until they were with the exiles where she could sleep away from Lexa. Maybe even talk Nadira into giving her something to knock her out.

 

Lexa stood and broke Clarke's trance. The commander crossing to the river's edge behind her and digging a small hole. Burying the bones of the bird silently before returning to her spot on the opposite side of the fire. Sitting cross legged and poking at the fire with a thin stick as Clarke finished her food. Burying the bones with Lexa's but she remained standing.

 

“We should get a head start.”

 

“There is time before dawn Clarke.”

 

“And I want to get a move on.” Clarke put out the fire despite the tired look in Lexa's eyes and crossed to their horses in the dark. “Let's go Lexa.”

 

Lexa huffed but followed Clarke. Letting her take the lead once more as they rode between dark trees. Weaving silently long after the sun had risen. Sunlight filtering in through the treetops but Clarke didn't stop or slow down, she sped up. Pushing her horse faster and Lexa followed. Saying nothing as they thundered noisily through the woods. Crossing barren roads, clearing narrow creeks and jumping fallen trees.

 

Clarke eventually slowed to a walk, recognizing the woods around her. Knowing they were closing in on the exiles but she suddenly turned her horse to the east. Riding until she broke through the treeline into a field of wildflowers. She was quick to dismount and leave her horse behind as she walked through them. Yellow, white, purples and blues brushing her thighs until she came to a stop. Bending low to pick handfuls then returning to her horse. Finding Lexa next to her horse and holding onto him.

 

Lexa cocked an eyebrow at her in a silent question but Clarke didn't reply until she was on her horse. “A gift for someone.”

 

“I see.”

 

“Her partner sees little reason for wildflowers but she loves them so I always made it my duty to get some for her when I could.” She explained and Lexa nodded. It was more of an apology for Nadira rather than a gift. An apology for leaving without saying goodbye and an apology for showing up out of the blue. She hoped she would not be too angry with her. “I lived with them once. They are part of the reason I am still here today.”

 

“Then perhaps I should thank them.”

 

“Maybe you should start with not judging them before you know them.”

 

Lexa glanced at Clarke and after a moment she nodded in agreement but Clarke wasn't sure if Lexa was completely agreeing with her. She wasn't sure if one simple statement would change what she thought and felt about the exiles.

 

“Maybe.”

 

“We're here,” Clarke announced and lead her horse down the center of the village. Heading towards the largest building that she knew Nadira and Alta shared. The building looked as if it hadn't changed in her absence. Nothing about the village looked different. It was still quiet but still held an air of home as she dismounted. Tying her horse to the post outside before walking the worn dirt path to the door but it opened before she reached it.

 

Nadira closed the door behind her and they both studied the other in earnest for a moment. Recognizing how the other hadn't changed much in their absences but Nadira still frowned. Wiping her dirt covered hands on a rag but then crossing the distance to stand before Clarke.

 

“ _Welcome home.”_ She told her quietly and Clarke breathed out a sigh of relief then held out the handful of wildflowers to her but the woman didn't take them. She instead pulled Clarke in for a tight hug that lasted for several minutes before she released. _“Branwada.”_

 

“ _I know, I'm-”_

 

“ _Do not say it but I will accept your gift.”_ She took the flowers and tucked them into the pocket of the brown apron she wore. _“Now go and find my warrior for me. She is in the west woods hunting white tails.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ Clarke turned away from Nadira and eyed Lexa standing by their horses looking a little out of place. Her hood up but peering at Clarke. Waiting for her to address her as she knew this wasn't her place. She was the one who had exiled some of them and maybe it scared her a little but Clarke knew it didn't. “You stay here with Nadira, help her out maybe.”

 

“I.. okay.” Lexa stepped away when Clarke climbed back onto her horse again. Turning away and riding off to the west. Leaving Lexa to fend for herself with the woman she'd come to love like she was family but she pushed the thought away. Making her way to the groves and fields that she knew the white tails lingered in often. The best place to begin her search for Alta but as she neared she heard a twig snap behind her. She twisted in her seat and drew her sword. Turning her horse to face the person that approached but she calmed realizing it was Alta.

 

Her mentor was much the same as when she'd left except for her hair being a little longer. Gray eyes still just as piercing and sharp but her lips set into a hard line. Alta urged her horse closer, rounding Clarke in a way that she knew she was being studied but she suddenly came a stop next to her. A quick nod giving her the answer she needed, that she was accepted to return but for how long Clarke wasn't sure.

 

“ _Good hunting I see.”_ Clarke nodded to the bleeding stag draped across the rump of Alta's horse. An arrow sticking from its side, no doubt piercing its heart. The antler's already cut off and hanging from twine draped over Alta's shoulders. _“Haven't seen many white tails to the south of here, only birds, rabbits and fish.. oh and a giant cat.”_

 

Alta simply blinked at her and rode away. Clarke knew she didn't care for the conversation. That she would instead ride back home to skin the deer and prepare the meat. Clarke ground her teeth because she needed her to stop and listen for a moment.

 

“ _There is a war.”_ She blurted out but the warrior didn't slow.

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _You know.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _How?”_

 

“ _The queen's riders came days ago. She asked for me to join the war but I refused her.”_ Clarke pushed her horse to catch up to Alta at the news. Slowing at her side but the warrior didn't face her. _“But where I refused her.. I will agree to you. Just there is something I must do before I join this war of yours.”_

 

“ _If I can help then-”_

 

“ _You have done it already.”_ They rode into the village and Clarke tried to find Lexa but couldn't. She was gone from her spot by her horse and Nadira was gone as well but she suspected they may be inside. Alta was off her horse in a flash but handing the reins to Clarke. _“Prepare the deer for skinning.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

–

 

Lexa sat on the wood bench before the fire pit in the middle of the hut. Rubbing her thumbs together as the woman named Nadira milled about silently. The flowers Clarke had collected sat in a red clay vase on a wooden table. She'd cut them and added water before leaving the flowers be. Only to begin chopping at herbs and it was something that Lexa had seen done before. Her own mother had done it before Lexa been taken as a nightblood. Now she wasn't sure what her mother did or if she was even alive.

 

“ _Can I help you in some way?”_ Lexa asked as she stood, the exile across from her glancing at her a moment in thought before nodding and beckoning her over. Holding out a short knife to her then pointing to a pile of dried herbs that seemed only slightly familiar but she fell to work. Chopping thinly and carefully under Nadira's watchful eye.

 

“ _Heda Lexa.”_ Nadira looks away and continues to chop. Content enough with Lexa's own chopping to focus elsewhere.

 

“ _Yes?”_

 

“ _Why are you here?”_

 

“ _Clarke.”_

 

“ _She comes about the war, your war but it is something she could have done on her own. She does not need you to watch over her.”_ Her tone feels almost protective to Lexa and she nods in agreement.

 

“ _I know.”_

 

“ _Yet you're still here.”_

 

“ _I-”_

 

“ _She doesn't need you here.”_

 

Lexa pursed her lips but set the knife down beside half chopped herbs. Studying Nadira in the warm glow behind them. Her dark hair braided down her back, brown eyes filled with curiosity but still wary of her. _“You're right.. she doesn't need me but perhaps I need her.”_

 

“ _It takes a strong person to admit such a thing. It takes a stronger heda to admit the same but I still do not trust you. You betrayed her at the mountain and pushed her to walk the path she does now. She bled because of you and is now scarred because of you but.. despite all that she has seen and done. She is someone to be proud of, a strong and capable warrior.”_

 

“ _And I agree with you..”_

 

“ _But I still do not trust you.”_ Nadira is quick to remind her but then gestures to the herbs still waiting to be cut. _“Finish, she will not take long to find Alta.”_

 

Lexa froze at the name. Her heart picking up its pace as it pounded in her chest. Her eyes widening but Nadira was unfazed by the change in Lexa. She had to already know their history and maybe that was why she dropped the name like she did. Her lips twitching into the hint of a smile as Lexa slowly returned to chopping. A hundred questions burning through her mind and piecing together what she already knew. Realizing that Alta was the one who must have trained Clarke. These two women together had taken Clarke in and helped her.

 

The warrior that Lexa had exiled for murder was the one who had helped mold Clarke into what she was.

 

Lexa's knife froze mid chop when the door opened behind them. Footsteps near silent against the earth still bounced off the walls and Lexa turned to face the one she'd exiled. Meeting gray eyes that seemed to hold no grudges. Her face emotionless as she sat before the fire. Tugging off boots then running a hand over the braids at the top of her head as if she didn't realize Lexa was there. Didn't even care that she was there.

 

“ _Go and sit beside her. She will wish to speak with you.”_ Nadira told her taking the knife away and pushing her towards the bench. _“Go.”_

 

Lexa crossed the room and sat down slowly. Steeling herself for whatever Alta may or may not say to her. Preparing herself should the warrior decide to attack her but Alta remained silent. Staring into the flames as if trying to think about what it was she intended to say until she looked up. Meeting green eyes and nodding to herself.

 

“ _I know of your war. The ice queen came for me but I refused her. Now Clarke comes to me for the same thing and while I know I will say yes.. there is something I must do first. Something I must say to you before anything else.”_

 

“ _Go ahead.”_

 

“ _I never told you why I killed my brother but now feels like a good time to tell you.”_ She stared back into the flames again before continuing. _“I killed him because he was becoming disloyal to you. I knew he had made plans to meet with the ice queen and while I tried to stay out of it. I learned one night that I couldn't any longer. He and the ice queen had made an agreement that if she chose to attack Polis that he would stand down and allow it. He would open the gates for her armies and let them kill you without any hesitation.. so instead of allowing it to happen. I killed him and allowed myself to be exiled because I knew that if it were to come to light that I knew about the attack. That I too would be killed for being a traitor and possibly helping the attack come to pass.”_

 

She fell quiet and Lexa rubbed her thumbs together again deep in thought. She was right, she would have been killed if she had spoken of what her brother had done. She would have been accused of being a traitor alongside him without question so she simply murdered him to keep it quiet but all it did was put a pause on the inevitable. She took the title of murderer rather than die. To prolong her life to the best of her abilities but now her deed was coming full circle. It was giving her the opportunity to fight for Lexa and right what had been wronged by her own blood.

 

“ _Polis has fallen.”_ She nodded rather than speak. _“But this war isn't over until I am dead.”_

 

“ _May you never die heda Lexa.”_

 

Lexa nodded thankfully. _“Fight for me.. and I will lift your status as exile. Any warrior who chooses to fight with you will also have their status lifted. They will be free to do as they please.”_

 

“ _Many here are not willing to fight in this war but some have already agreed to fight with me should I choose to do so myself. If you will accept me that is.”_

 

“ _I do. I accept you into my armies and when it is over you'll be free once again but I must ask.. how many do you have?”_

 

“ _Twenty-three is all but I've become aware that this village is not the only one in the area. There is another across a mountain range to the north east of here. It borders the deadzone.”_

 

“ _Arle is bigger than Oneida.”_ Lexa and Alta both faced Clarke where she stood in the doorway. Her hands stained red with wet blood and Lexa hoped it wasn't her own. _“The people of Arle will be harder to convince.. especially after what happened there.”_

 

“ _And why is that?”_ Asked Lexa.

 

“ _Ontari was taken and I killed some of them.”_ She told her quietly and sat down at the table. Nadira passing her a cloth and a clay bowl of water. _“I suspect that they do not think kindly of me.”_

 

“ _No.. I wouldn't think so after killing some of them.”_ Lexa sighed but faced Alta again. _“When will you and your warriors be ready to leave?”_

 

“ _Whenever you need us to heda.”_

 

“ _At least stay for the night before you go running off to fight the war.”_ Nadira cut in and Lexa had to agree with her. Maybe if they stayed there then Clarke would sleep. The blonde already looked close to passing out in her chair as she'd bent over the top. Head resting on her arms and fighting to keep her eyes open.

 

“ _We'll stay if you'll allow us.”_ Lexa mostly meant herself and Nadira seemed to understand that as she nodded carefully.

 

“ _You may but you will not lay around for the day.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

Alta pulled her boots back on and left but after a moment Lexa followed her out. Following the warrior when she crossed into the trees to a deer that hung from a low branch by its back feet. Broken, bloodied arrow stuck into the ground and she figured that was why Clarke's hands were covered in blood. Lexa stood back quietly watching Alta skin the deer, unsure of what she'd want her to do as skinning was normally a one person job.

 

“ _What would you like for me to do?”_ Lexa asked as this wasn't her place. She was so far out of her element that was unsure of anything but Alta shook her head without looking at her. Pointing her bloodied knife to a stump not far from Lexa and she understood it as she had nothing for her to do but sit. Lexa remained standing, _“Nadira seems like the type to kill me if I am lazy.”_

 

Alta nodded in agreement, _“clean my horse then.”_

 

–

 

“ _You brought heda Lexa to Oneida.”_

 

“ _She made a good argument.”_ Clarke slipped lower into the water. Her hair floating out around her as Nadira moved about beyond the thick curtain separating them. _“I didn't plan to do it.”_

 

“ _You brought the commander to Oneida.”_

 

“ _And like I said.. she made a good-”_

 

“ _Excuses.”_

 

“ _Its for the war.”_

 

“ _A war that isn't yours.”_

 

“ _My people are all dead.”_ The statement pulled silence from Nadira. Her movements stopped and the curtain pulled slightly to the side as she stepped in. Brown eyes full of understanding. _“Killed because of the war.. a war that is now mine to play a part in.”_

 

“ _I see.”_ She sets clothes down on a stool not far from the tub Clarke sits in. Her gaze not lingering on Clarke's skin and she knows it is because she doesn't like to see the scars on her body. She doesn't like to see that she'd once been hurt. _“You came for allies among the exiled.. none of the other clans support heda Lexa?”_

 

“ _The floukru do but they are the only ones.”_

 

“ _There will be more.”_

 

“ _You say that like you know for certain.”_

 

“ _Clans join the white queen out of fear.. not out of believing in her strength. Once heda proves herself she will find more allies than she once thought she had.”_ Nadira explained and maybe she had a point. The battle at Ton DC was a good starting point for Lexa proving herself despite it not being her own victory. It was her general, her clan securing a victory against a clan that had once destroyed them.

 

“ _You may be right about that..”_ she looked up at the healer and nodded before dunking her head beneath the water. Breathing out through her nose to keep water from filling her lungs and trying to push the desire for sleep from her mind at least until nightfall.

 

“ _It is time to get out, there is work to be done in the garden and I need your young back for that.”_ Nadira tells her the moment she resurfaces and Clarke nods as the woman leaves her. Giving her privacy to get out and put on the clothes she'd been brought. Clarke dressed then she followed her outside and into the garden. Already green and full of life, a welcome sight to the death she'd seen lately.

 

She works under Nadira's guidance until the sun begins to set. Her back aching and sweat clinging to her skin despite having stripped off her shirt earlier but its done. Seeing Nadira's smile is payment enough as Clarke follows a narrow path towards the river that acts as a barrier between the exile land and the trikru. She can already hear it and its peaceful but when she breaks through the treeline she stops. Finding Lexa standing in the river with her black pants rolled up to her knees but shirtless and completely still. Damp hair thrown over her shoulder but Clarke focuses on the tattoo that follows her spine. Spheres and sharp lines but from this distance she can't make out anymore.

 

Lexa shifts after a moment, turning her head but her eyes are closed. Her toned arms rising to cross over her chest before she opens her eyes. Twisting to peer at Clarke and her jaw clenching. “I'm done.”

 

“I didn't even know you were here.”

 

“I had to come here.. her horse would not stand still for me. By the time I was done it felt as if I had been the one to take the bath instead of her.”

 

“I think Alta likes having other people deal with her horse. Likes knowing she will put up a struggle to get something small done.”

 

“Seems so,” Lexa turns fully, sloshing through the river and Clarke averts her gaze. Keeping her eyes on the forest across the river from her but somehow still managing to catch a glimpse of her toned body. Healed scars across a toned stomach that were different to Clarke's own. While hers were received in the pits, Lexa had received hers in a different place. They were treated and it showed but Clarke closed her eyes. Listening as Lexa's feet met the shore then into the treeline behind her. Leaving her alone to rinse the sweat from her own skin in privacy.

 

–

 

Lexa laid herself down on soft furs for the night. Listening to the others in the home lie down and she knew Clarke should have been there by now but she wasn't. The blonde seeming to refuse sleeping next to Lexa or even in the same vicinity as her but that was to be expected. Lexa let herself relax into the furs and begin to drift but a sound caught her attention. The sound of a page rustling and she sat up, getting to her feet silently before looking into the main room.

 

Not quite expecting to find Clarke sitting on the bench before a dying fire with a notebook in one hand, sharpened pencil in the other. Quietly drawing on a blank page even as Lexa sits down next to her. Staring into the fire rather than looking to see what Clarke is drawing despite the want to. She never knew that Clarke had a gift like that.

 

“Why are you awake Lexa.” Clarke asks her sleepily, her voice rough but her eyes don't lift from the page.

 

“I could ask you the same thing.”

 

“I'm waiting for whatever it was Nadira gave me to kick in. Said it'll kick my ass so hard that I won't know my name when I wake up.”

 

“You could have done that in your furs.”

 

“Maybe.”

 

“Do you mind if I-”

 

“I don't care Lexa.” Clarke continues to draw until her hand begins to slow. Her body leaning forward slightly and Lexa reaches out carefully. Hand hovering over Clarke's back when the blonde suddenly drops the pencil. Book dropping between her legs but Lexa grips at the back of her shirt. Keeping her body from hitting the floor next as she slips an arm beneath Clarke's knees then more firmly around her back. Lifting her carefully and she knows that if Clarke were awake right now that she'd fight Lexa. She'd be upset with her touching her but Lexa knows Clarke deserves to sleep comfortably instead of hunched over on a bench. She will deal with the aftermath tomorrow. She will allow Clarke to be angry with her.

 

Lexa lays Clarke down on the furs, tugging off her boots and covering her up gently. Studying her face a moment in the dim light and finding it completely calm for the first time since meeting her again. It felt strange, almost like she was intruding on her peacefulness and Lexa turns away from her. Returning to the main room to collect her notebook then tucking the pencil between the pages without looking at what she'd drawn. Leaving it on the bench then putting out the fire before returning to her own bed. Sleep overtaking her but she dreams of nothing. No sound or images, absolutely nothing and it is peaceful.

 

Peaceful until she wakes the next morning to the sunlight streaming down onto her. The bed next to her gone as she stands. Pulling on her boots and strapping her sword to her hip then rolling up her own furs but finding the main room quiet and cold. Clarke's notebook gone as Lexa passes the bench. Stepping outside to find warriors sitting on horses with Clarke near the front. Her blonde hair braided and a sharpness in her blue eyes.

 

“The commander of the twelve clans has honored us with her presence.” Clarke speaks first with a bite to her tone and the warriors around her shift. Many of them turning to look at Lexa in evident surprise.

 

“We all need a good sleep once in a while.”

 

“That we do but we've got to get a move on.” Clarke rides closer to her, leading Lexa's horse on her right as Lexa spots Alta in the crowd. Hooded and silent but her gray eyes busily studying the exchange when Lexa climbs onto her horse.

 

“Lead the way then Clarke.”

 

Clarke is quick to do so. Pushing the group to ride fast towards a mountain as the sun continues to rise. Leading them onto a road that leads up and around the mountain but Lexa sucks in a breath when a city suddenly springs up behind it. It was a place she never knew existed. It wasn't on any maps she'd ever seen. She had never heard of it but Clarke continued to lead them through the city. Down streets bordered by crumbling buildings but they come to a halt as a man crosses to stand before them.

 

Black hair swept back over his head and brown eyes filled with a gleam of amusement as he eyes Clarke.

 

“Jay,” Clarke is off her horse in a flash. Making her way to the man she seems to know. “You survived.”

 

“Sha, after you and your.. friend,” he says the word with a knowing smile before continuing, “left the supporters that my brother had abandoned him. My brother still lives but he isn't here.”

 

“What? Where did he go?”

 

“He joined the ice queen. He and a few others did but in his absence. The people of Arle chose me to lead them but now I wonder why you are here Clarke of the sky people.” He glanced up at the warriors behind her but then he focused on Lexa. “And why you have brought the commander with you.”

 

“Nia has started a war and we've come to ask for your alliance.”

 

“Is that so?”

 

Lexa dismounted her horse and walked to stand beside Clarke then nodded to him. “If you join me in an alliance then any warrior who fights and survives will have their status restored then be free to do as they please.”

 

“I see.” Jay studies her as if searching for a lie but when he finds none he nods slowly. “My warriors and I will join you heda Lexa but I ask that while we fight for you.. you protect Arle. There are children here and people who are not trained to fight. They are innocent and I believe Nia would do whatever it took to force us out of the war to weaken you.”

 

“I'll do anything that I can.”

 

“Then you shall have us.” He smiles and Lexa returns it with one of her own as he doesn't seem a man to hold grudges. He doesn't seem to be angry about his status as an exile but as a man who has accepted it as another brick in the wall. “We are forty warriors strong. Arle was and still is a growing village despite being a secret to the clans... it would be more but..”

 

“They attacked and they died Jay.”

 

“I know Clarke and while we're on the subject I must tell you. Maine was one of the warriors to join Nia. She still holds hatred for you for the death of her brother.”

 

“I'd expect nothing different.” She speaks quieter and Lexa glances at her then Clarke meets her gaze. “Should we move them to Hilelia?”

 

“Sha. I want to use it as the new capitol until we take back Polis.”

 

Clarke nods, “prepare your warriors Jay. We leave when the sun is at its highest point.”

 

“Sha.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Would it be that easy to get them to help her? For a chance to redeem themselves I'd think so.


	21. Chapter 21

Clarke is glad to let Lexa lead the additions to her army back to Hilelia. She is glad to ride near the tail end of the group. Letting her horse choose one of the warriors to follow before sitting back in her saddle. Reins left sitting across the horse's neck rather than in her hands as she pulled her notebook from her back pocket. Flipping it open to what she'd started the night before.

 

It wasn't big by any means but simple sketches of what she'd seen in Hilelia. The rusted warship and boats converted into homes for its people. A small sketch of Luna as she laughed on the ride to the coast. Her hair as crazy on the page as it were in real life but while she allowed herself to draw Luna. She refused to draw Lexa.

 

She refused to allow her mind to pull forth the memory of her sleeping before an open fire. To sketch the sharp edge of her jaw or her slender neck until it met her shoulders. She didn't want to remember how small her ears were or the way those green eyes met hers. The way her slender fingers wrapped around the hilt of her sword and strong arms that fought with dexterity that it would take a hundred warriors to stop her.

 

Clarke ground her teeth as she suddenly paused in her drawing. Realizing she'd begun to draw the commander but only the curve of her jaw and a portion of her neck. She let out a sigh and looked up before back down. Setting out to draw the group riding before her. Backs of all shapes and sizes. Some quietly watching the forest while others spoke among themselves. A warrior from Oneida and another from Arle becoming fast friends as they rode closely together. She knew neither of their names but she was glad to see them getting along. That if they could crush the lines between them that maybe they could do the same with the non exiles.

 

Her pencil stilled on the page as Alta dropped back to ride alongside her. She knew it was her by the color of her horse and not by the hood that still covered her head. The warrior carried no weapons with her this time.

 

“ _Where are your weapons?”_ Alta merely shrugged and Clarke rolled her eyes. _“How will you fight this war without a weapon?”_ She shrugged again, _“Alta.”_ She spoke the name with force in her voice and the warrior snapped to glare at her. _“Your sword.. the greatsword, its still in Polis.”_

 

“ _Good.”_

 

“ _Good? What do you mean by good? If its in Polis then Nia has it and you are left with nothing.”_

 

Alta shook her head, _“I will return.”_

 

“ _What?”_ Clarke asked in confusion but the warrior was riding away. Heading south and Clarke watched her go for a moment before pushing her horse to catch up Lexa. Warriors getting out of her way hurriedly. Tucking her notebook back into her pocket as she reached her. “Alta is leaving.”

 

“What? What where is she going?” Lexa half turned in her seat, spotting the back of Alta before she disappeared into the tree cover. “What did you say to her?”

 

“I told her that her sword was still in Polis.”

 

Lexa remained silent, studying Clarke but she knew she was deep within her own mind until she suddenly nodded. “She is going for her sword then.”

 

“But Polis has been taken, its suicide.”

 

“She'll survive... if she can survive me then she can survive Polis long enough to get her sword back.”

 

“She is willing to risk death for that sword.”

 

“It is hers, it is important to her so yes. She will die trying or survive to fight with it once more.”

 

“Would you do something like that? Go back into a place that would surely kill you for something you cared about.”

 

“Depends on what it was.. my coat no. My sash no, my sword maybe,” she met the look in Clarke's eye and gave her a small smile. “That sword means a lot to her. It is the weapon that she built her legacy on. It is the weapon that she murdered her brother with. It is on the sword's edge that exiled her to Oneida where she met Nadira.”

 

“She met her there?”

 

“Yes. Nadira was exiled before Alta was. She is an azgeda exile.”

 

“I knew that but.. I never knew why.” Clarke paused before continuing, “how do you know?”

 

“Its hard not to hear about an azgeda village suddenly dying by sickness with only one person surviving. That is why Kebu is empty, it was once a thriving village. Great warriors were born within it as it sat between Ontre and Otta.” Lexa explained and Clarke recalled riding through it on her way to and from Otta. She recalled crumbling buildings that had stood before and after the great war. “Nadira was the only survivor so she was accused of killing them all.”

 

“But did she?”

 

“I don't think so.”

 

“Its not something I could ever see her doing..” she was hardworking and kind, protective even. Not a mass murderer but neither had Clarke been when she first fell to the ground. “But if I could do it then so could she.”

 

“You killed to protect your people and yourself. If she had done then she would have had to kill out of spite and hatred for those living there. Her parents and siblings included.”

 

“Maybe she didn't do it then. She just managed to survive it, immune to the illness that swept through it. She is a healer.. she'd have known how to keep herself healthy, to keep herself safe.”

 

“She'd have known she'd get blamed for it too.” Lexa murmured and Clarke nodded in agreement. “We won't make it to Hilelia tonight Clarke.”

 

“I know.”

 

“We'll stop before dusk, we can-”

 

“Not here Lexa.” Clarke eyes the forest around them and she recognizes it. She recognizes the area that Ontari had told her was infested with those big cats that bled fire. It wasn't the right place to stop. “We can't stop here or anywhere near here.”

 

Lexa nods in agreement. “We should pick up the pace then.”

 

“Yeah,” Clarke pushes her horse faster and Lexa keeps pace with her. The warriors behind them speeding up in response and the conversation Clarke had heard earlier stops. Only the thundering of hooves could be heard as they kept their fast pace until the sun began to set. Dusk rapidly approaching and Lexa is quick to reached out between them. Touching her shoulder as if to say slow down. The group approaching a slow flowing river that Clarke didn't recognize but Lexa seemed as she slid off her horse. Clarke accepted her decision and signaled for the warriors to begin setting up camp, surprised when they listened to her.

 

A handful of warriors from Oneida split off from the group to hunt as the ones from Arle set up cooking fires. They work easily among one another and Clarke wonders if it just a coincidence that they don't question each others jobs. That it is just common knowledge that Oneida warriors would hunt while Arle did more domestically. After a moment of watching them Clarke makes her way to the horses. Leading them to the river to drink as Lexa suddenly falls in to work beside her.

 

“Before Oneida I didn't do things like this anymore. The duties weren't given to me once I became heda. Only during my time as a second but it was mostly for Anya. The horse she had before I became heda was a biter. Very mean and liked to kick at me.” Lexa spoke as they lead horses to and from the river. “Hit me once while I tried to file down its hooves for shoes but I was very lucky it didn't hit me too hard or I'd have died.”

 

“So the horse was like Anya herself?” Lexa laughed softly and nodded.

 

“Sha.”

 

–

 

Lexa didn't mind telling Clarke random stories that popped into her mind. She didn't mind that Clarke kept a straight face or that she seemed to refuse to smile. Her lips never threatened to curve into a grin and she was fine with that. She didn't mind that she never laughed. She was just happy to speak to Clarke about something that didn't have anything to do with war or death. That was normal and it was something she'd only ever done with Costia or even Anya on the rare occasion.

 

It was nice.

 

It was nice until night fell and everyone was fed. Fires burned on as warriors fell asleep in small groups around her. It was nice until Clarke stood the moment Lexa let her eyes shut and sleep threatened to take over. She opened her eyes once more in the dying light of the fire. Watching the girl step over sleeping warriors before disappearing into the darkness. Her blonde hair covered by a black cloth the moment she was out of the ring of warriors. Slipping by those on watch and Lexa waited a moment before rising herself.

 

Taking the same path and passing the scouts. Giving Clarke space to walk ahead of her until suddenly Clarke was gone. Darkness filled the space she'd once been in and Lexa froze. Listening intently around her. Wind brushed through the treetops before she continued. Walking by a tree then stopping beneath it. Crossing her arms over her chest in confusion but jumping when a piece of bark hit her shoulder. She looked up quickly and spotted the glint of metal in moonlight then nothing more. Complete darkness was above her but she knew Clarke was there. She could feel the fresh marks in the trunk of the tree beside her when she pressed her hand against it.

 

But she took a step back. Being sure to keep quiet as she retraced her steps but stopped not far from Clarke's tree before laying a hand against its trunk. Taking several steps back before charging at the tree, planting her boot firmly in the center and pushing herself upward. Grabbing onto a low branch and hauling herself up. Climbing higher until she felt safe enough then relaxed against the tree and settling in for morning as the part that cared for Clarke wouldn't let her sit idly by as she slept away from safety. Yet the part that respected her to the utmost begged her to stay away and allow it. Knowing the girl in the trees was safe on her own and had been since she'd left the mountain behind.

 

It isn't until Lexa wakes hours later that she climbs down on stiff legs. Her back aching from sitting up and she stretches once she is on the ground. Working the stiffness away then continuing on her way back to camp. Finding it waking in the dawn and breakfast being prepared from leftovers. Lexa remains standing when Clarke wanders in. Meeting Lexa's gaze momentarily as if she knew what she'd done before finding herself food for the long day ahead.

 

No one speaks when they continue to Hilelia. There is no chatter in the morning sun but Lexa rides ahead. Putting distance between herself and them but not out fear or worry but because she wants a little time to herself. Time shattered when Clarke rides up. Pushing into her quiet space with the makeshift hood still over her head.

 

“So how did you sleep?” She asks quietly but Lexa suspects there is more to it than that and she shrugs nonchalantly. “I don't suspect sleeping in a tree is very comfortable.”

 

“Its not but you'd know that wouldn't you?” Lexa retorts and Clarke frowns at her.

 

Clarke nods, “I'd rather sleep in a tree than on the ground.”

 

“Both are very uncomfortable with their own dangers.. in a tree if you move wrong you'll end up on the forest floor.”

 

“Don't I know it.” Clarke twists the reins in her hand a little tighter and rolls her shoulders. Wincing at the movement and Lexa knows just how stiff she is. “You followed me Lexa.”

 

Lexa pursed her lips but nodded.

 

“I found you sleeping in a tree not far from mine Lexa...” Her frown deepened, “that was dangerous. You could have been found because you decided to worry about me. To watch over me like I can't protect myself.” Her shook her head, “what if one of Nia's scouts had found you. Attacked you and killed you. This war would've been over before it even really began.”

 

Lexa scoffed, “one of Nia's scouts would have no chance against me.”

 

“Fine. One of her armies then.”

 

“I would have heard them coming.”

 

“You didn't even wake when I tripped over a stick beneath your tree.”

 

“My spirit knows you wouldn't hurt me.”

 

“Are you sure about that? I could secretly be an ally for Nia, I could be a spy that she sent to kill you when you least expected it.” Clarke knows its a lie and so does Lexa as the commander shrugs without a care.

 

“You've missed your chance then.” Lexa knows in reality that Clarke wouldn't do it. Shes had chances before to do something to her and she hadn't but Lexa knows that if Clarke did attack her. She'd let it happen. She'd let Clarke take her life because she knows that its what she deserves. She left Clarke on that mountain and she had every right to attack her, to kill her. “But I suspect you'll have more.”

 

Clarke sighed, “I can take care of myself Lexa..” She changes the subject.

 

“I know.”

 

“Then why do you keep doing these things.”

 

Lexa holds her tongue as she considers her response. She could tell Clarke the truth or simply lie to her. She could let the blonde think that she only needs her for the coming war and not because she feels her so deeply in her soul that it hurts. She could tell her that thinking Clarke is dead a second time will surely kill her. That it will pierce her heart and cause her to bleed out without a knife physically stabbing her but she won't. Its not something Clarke wants to hear or needs to hear.

 

“Because I need you if I want to win this war... that is why I followed you.”

 

“You need more than a pit fighter Lexa.”

 

Lexa studies Clarke in slight confusion but she doesn't question the self given title. “And you are more than a pit fighter.”

 

–

 

Smoke still fills the air but she rides on. Turning her horse towards the now charred gates of Polis. They stand but just barely and she knows that one good breeze will knock it down. She feels memories swirl in her heart but she fights to ignore them. She doesn't want to remember her brother Zakk and his wavy blonde hair or his soft gray eyes that most women adored. She doesn't want to remember the night she walked into the tunnels beneath Polis to find him surrounded by azgeda who supported Nia. She doesn't want to remember him telling her about the proposed attack in the hopes that she'd join him.

 

She grinds her teeth as she passes the passage way that leads down to those tunnels. Riding by without a glance at them and instead focusing on the quiet of the now empty city. Wondering why it is so quiet. Why it was burned and abandoned but the further she rides. The more wrong she realizes she is. Voices rise from a building left untouched, voices rough and accented as they speak in trigedasleng.

 

“ _The white bitch plans to give the city over to her son when it was us who brought the city to its knees.”_ One says and Alta slows her horse. Listening intently as the same voice picks back up. _“He takes over the city and builds an army for Nia. An army that she will use to crush whatever the commander manages to build then bring Hilelia to its knees.”_

 

“ _How do you even know this?”_ A different voice asks, this one more of a whisper and she suspects that he is further away from her. Less of an accent settles in his words. _“The allies wouldn't accept the prince as ruler of Polis. It has always been the commander, it breaks traditions and laws that have been in place since the first commander.”_

 

“ _Do you really think she cares? She is only in it for the power.”_

 

“ _And if she dies? Does this whole war die with her?”_

 

“ _There is a girl she has found, a girl to replace the traitor daughter. No one knows her name, no one has seen her but we have heard of her. There was word straight out of Ontre that a second heir exists and the queen has given permission for the first princess to be killed on sight.”_

 

“ _She would be willing to let her own child die for the sake of power..”_ the quieter one trails off.

 

“ _A power hungry, bloodthirsty queen reigns this day my friend.”_

 

Alta zones them out, tiring of listening to them as she has heard all she needs to know and she continues on her way. Quieter this time as she takes a longer path to the tower that she knows her sword is in. She looks up as the tower begins to stand over, the entrance footsteps away as she dismounts. Walking in without a care as the building is empty. Dark and cold as she makes her way up. Climbing flights of stairs that she never thought she'd set foot on ever again. Glancing into dark hallways and doorways before she makes it to the right floor. Window open at the end of the corridor but the door to the armory closed.

 

She frowns and pushes back her hood. Staring up at the latch that keeps it locked and scolding herself for being too short to unlock it. The metal gleaming in the moonlight that managed to peek through the window. She pushed against the heavy doors that stood locked. Wondering if they'd give way under enough force but after several attempts she stops. Pulling a hunting knife from behind her back and standing on her toes. Working the tip beneath and attempting to release the lock in determination but failing.

 

Anger builds in her chest and heats rises on the skin of her neck as she kicks out hard against the door. The sound echoing through the tower but she doesn't care as it is the only barrier between her and her sword. She has been without it for years, she has loved without it. She has fought without it and it is one of the few things left to remind her of her past and how far she'd come. She needed that sword and what it represented. That she was more than a murderous exile and had the opportunity to become more staring her in the face.

 

She kicked out again and something seemed to break as pain echoed through her ankle and into her knee but it wasn't her own bones. It was something in the door and she switched legs. Kicking harshly with her left and the doors swung open from the force. Hitting the walls behind it as she stormed in. Letting out a thankful breath as the armory is still full of weapons. Some shifting from the force of the doors hitting the walls as she throws open the window shutters at the end of the room. Moonlight filling the room but she is focused on finding her sword. Kneeling close to the ground until coming to a sword's edge that rested against the floor. Exactly the same way she knew she'd find it as she reached out. Pulling it out from its hiding spot in the back and sitting on the floor.

 

Pulling off her leather gloves to run fingers along the hard metal. The edge dull from no use but it still gleamed in the moonlight. The black leather at the hilt still held taught and the rusted bronze handguard still curved over the hilt. Numerous dents in the metal from blocking and she gave it a weak smile.

 

“ _Hello old friend.”_ She ran her fingers along the edge then stood. Tightening its leather harness across her chest and sliding it into place. Fitting across her back the same way it had all those years ago and she feels a warmth spread through her chest. A warmth she hadn't felt since she'd first touched Nadira and it tingles as it reaches her fingertips. Continuing down to her toes as she follows the stairwell down to the bottom floor. Back to her horse but as she rides for the city gates, she pauses at that building again. The men from before still inside and talking among themselves as she dismounts.

 

Pulling her sword from her back and storming into the room. The taller of the two jumping up in response, _“who the fuck are you!?”_ His voice is the deeper accented one and she knows he is to live. He is the one that will send a message for her, he is a higher ranking warrior than the other. _“Speak or we'll kill you!”_

 

Alta stands there and waits, waits for the smaller man who stares at her through wide brown eyes filled with so much stupid bravery that she knows he'll attack first. Shes ready for his sword that swings for her head and she ducks to avoid it. Rising up and bringing her dull sword down to sink into his neck. Cutting his head from his shoulders as the other man continues to watch in horror.

 

“ _Tell Nia shes next.”_ Alta grunts and draws a rag from her pocket. Cleaning blood from her sword before replacing it on her back then turning to leave because she knows he won't attack her. Hes still petrified, hes completely frozen in the spot and staring down at his dead friend. Killed by a strange warrior with a hood over her head and wielding a greatsword.

 

–

 

Clarke and Lexa ride in silence. The conversation dropping after Clarke mentioned pit fighter and Clarke knows its a dead give away to what she'd been doing and where. She sees the gears turning in Lexa's head but she doesn't ask anything. She keeps silent and Clarke is grateful for it but the silence is shattered by a rider approaching their group from behind. The warriors all turning in response as Lexa and Clarke do. Preparing to fight but Clarke stops when she recognizes the horse, hide shining black with sweat as the rider approaches.

 

“ _Alta..”_ she murmurs and finds the sword on her back. _“I see you've got your sword back.”_

 

The warrior nodded and the warriors behind her calmed. Sheathing weapons as they pressed on but Alta is at Lexa's side, _“I have news for you heda Lexa.”_

 

“ _Tell me.”_

 

“ _Polis is empty as of right now but soon it will be taken over by the ice prince. Nia plans to give it to him.”_

 

“ _She cannot do that.”_ Lexa growls then shakes her head, “ _it is against our laws. She-”_

 

“ _She will do it anyway.”_ Alta cuts her off, meeting Clarke's gaze and frowns before looking back to Lexa.

 

“ _Polis sits on trikru territory but if she takes it then it will split the territory in half. Those on the side of Polis will be at risk. They'll be threatened or killed.”_ Lexa frowned, _“how did you come by this information?”_

 

“ _There were men in the city, gona left over from the attack I would suppose.”_

 

“ _Sha, this means we'll need to take Polis back sooner than I thought..”_

 

“ _The city is empty, now is a good time for you to do it heda.”_ Alta tells her and Clarke stares at her for several minutes. Its strange to see her mentor speaking so often and she wonders if it is just Lexa that she chooses to speak to but she looks away. The ground before them beginning to ascend as they approach a hill that she knows is close to the river separating Hilelia from the rest of the world.

 

“ _Take Polis back and it'll force Nia's attention away from Hilelia as well as taking a place she can build an army in. She'll want to regain the capitol above all else to continue her plans to attack.”_ Clarke says mainly to herself but Lexa nods in agreement as does Alta. _“And now you've got the force that you need to take Polis back with.. floukru as well as the exiles will amount to a sizable army.”_

 

“ _But not enough to win the war.”_

 

“ _If you take back the capitol Lexa then maybe..”_ Clarke pauses but she knows what she wants to say is right. Its entirely plausible and Lexa should know what she thinks. _“More allies will come when you retake Polis. That is one victory that no one can ignore but it was also a loss that no one could ignore.”_

 

It feels weird for Clarke to take the role of adviser after so long. She is back in some control but this time its over people she doesn't particularly know that well. They're not her people but they listen to her as if she is. She is who decides to do what with them and the two other leaders beside her don't seem to mind. Her voice is a welcome one but suddenly Lexa is raising her hand. Bringing the group to a stop as she dismounts her horse. Kneeling close to the ground before her horse and Clarke's.

 

“ _A large group has been through here.”_ She straightened back up and studied the hill that ascends up towards the city. _“Many horses and people, carts even but I don't believe it would be an enemy of ours.”_

 

“ _Then who Lexa?”_

 

“ _Azgeda rebels perhaps? Or even a different ally, boudalan maybe.”_

 

“ _Boudalan.. you think they are an ally?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ She climbed back on her horse and hurried up the hill. Allowing her tracks to mingle with those on the ground beneath her but she stopped at the top. Peering out over the empty city to the river but there was nothing and no one. Still no one as they rode through the city to the river's edge. Signaling for Luna's boats to come for them in the afternoon sun.

 

Clarke guided her horse to stand beneath a tree as she waited. Watching Lexa and Alta remain in the sun as boats crossed to their side. Warriors tying them down before climbing out but the three leaders stayed on their horses. Letting the warriors go first before guiding their horses onto flat barges. Giving Clarke the chance to watch Lexa slowly slip from commander mode to uneasy as she rode a barge filled with horses to the opposite side.

 

“You won't fall in Lexa.”

 

“I would hope not.” Lexa muttered as she sat stock still. Knuckles white from her grip on the reins and Clarke catches the rare amused gleam in Alta's eyes.

 

“Get off your horse then if you worry so much.”

 

“Because heda Lexa being stampeded to death by her warrior's mounts is such a better death than drowning.” She grumbles and Clarke has to swallow back the desire to smile at the ridiculousness of it as well as the commander talking about herself in third person. “I will stay on my horse.”

 

“If that is what you want.”

 

“And do not tell Luna about this.”

 

“But I can tell Ontari for her to tell Luna? Good.” Lexa glares at Clarke but she softens at the playfulness in her tone.

 

“No.”

 

“Obe then?”

 

“Still no.”

 

“Indra?”

 

“No Clarke.” Lexa looks away as they approach the docks. Her horse shifting beneath her in anticipation for it and Lexa is the first off once they are docked. Clarke following behind her then Alta. The three dismounting to let their horses be taken away as a man approaches them. Dark brown hair braided over the top of his head but curling where it meets the nape of his neck. His thick beard left unbraided but Lexa seems to recognize him as his brown eyes meets hers.

 

“ _Derrick.”_ She holds her arm out to him and he accepts it willingly. _“Good to see you have returned from your last trip to the rig.”_

 

“ _And it may be the last for a while.. Luna was very upset but also happy to see me on my return.”_ He flashes her a smile and she nods but Clarke is confused by the exchange. She doesn't know what the rig is or who Derrick is but he seems to know Lexa. _“Luna awaits you at the meeting hall here.”_

 

“ _I suspect we'll have much to talk about.”_

 

“ _Oh yes.. she had much to say about your little disappearing act along with wanheda.”_ He turned his gaze to her and she looked away but Lexa seemed to move to stand a little more between them.

 

“ _Luna knows that Clarke is an ally.. an ally that made it her duty to seek out more allies.”_ She glances back at the exiles then to Derrick once more. _“Allies she found and for that I am grateful to her.”_

 

“ _I see that.. but in your absence there has been an arrival. An arrival that I am sure.. Clarke.. will be happy to see or so Ontari tells me.”_ He eyes Clarke again but gives her a smile this time.

 

“ _What?”_ She asks but a sound catches her attention. The sound of loud whimpers from a dog before it barrels into her legs and she quickly looks down before kneeling in the dirt. Grabbing hold of Zero tightly in confusion. “Where did you come from.. I thought-”

 

“You thought what Clarke?” A voice asks from above her and she looks up, meeting the amused gleam in Raven's dark but very alive eyes.

 


	22. Chapter 22

Raven stands there in all her living glory. The red jacket she normally wears missing but she is alive. She blinks and her chest moves with a breath as she leans on a wooden cane. Clarke looks up at Lexa and finds the commander staring at Raven too but Clarke worries that this is another nightmare. That Raven will begin to melt in her boots and tell her that she failed to protect her but then suddenly Raven is moving. Shes crossing the distance between them with a slight limp but for Clarke it is a welcome sight.

 

It means shes real.

 

She's really real.

 

Clarke can't help but to stand. To immediately wrap her arms around one of the people she thought she'd lost because even if this did turn out to be a dream. Then at least she got to touch Raven just one more time. She gets to feel her arm wrap around her waist to hold on just a little tighter and she doesn't pull away because Raven knows this is something Clarke needs.

 

“Are you real? Are you really alive?” Clarke asks despite knowing that she is really there.

 

“Its going to take more than a little grounder war to kill me Clarke.” Raven squeezes but its Clarke that steps back. Her hands remaining on Raven's bare arms. Soaking up the heat that escapes her skin. “You should know that.”

 

“But the camp.. it was destroyed.. there were bodies.”

 

“Not ours.”

 

“How?”

 

“That little ice friend of yours.. she decided to give us an early warning system. One night a group of grounders showed up and told us we had to leave. That at dawn we would be massacred but.. not all of us went with the grounders.”

 

“Who stayed?”

 

“Pike and some of his supporters. They stayed behind because they thought it wasn't real. They thought it was a trick to get us to leave our walls.”

 

“But it was real.. so the bodies that I saw were his and his men.”

 

“Plus a few azgeda rebels who decided to stay with them to try and keep them alive.” Raven tells her and Clarke nods. The rebels would have been able to hide them the best. They'd have been able to put them underground to keep them safe and she knows that she needs to find Ontari to thank her. “Your mom is with the Luna chick and so is Kane. The others are.. wherever they decided to go. I don't know, we just got here in time to eat.”

 

“Have you seen Octavia yet? Did Bellamy..”

 

“Yeah hes alive, they had a real reunion. All hugs and tears while Lincoln stood by awkwardly.” She laughed softly and Clarke nodded before looking over her shoulder at Lexa. The commander standing there awkwardly with Alta at her side. Her mentor staring at Raven as if she were a mythical creature.

 

“I would guess that the rebel leaders are with Luna as well.” Clarke assumes when she meets Raven's dark eyes again.

 

“The guy with the eye patch, kick ass scar lady and the scary blonde chick who looks like a more badass version of you? Yeah they are.”

 

“Lagetha isn't that scary.”

 

Raven scoffs, “dude she looks like she could rip me in half by just looking at me.”

 

“I doubt she would.”

 

“She'd do it.” Raven insists but then looks down to Zero where he sits beside her. Staring up at them through big brown eyes. “She seems to like Zero though.. but I guess you need to get going. Plan your war with your new allies.”

 

“I do.”

 

“Find me later then?”

 

“Of course,” Clarke drops her hands from Raven and the mechanic walks off. Zero at her side periodically looking up at her as they went but Clarke turns back to Lexa. “Let's go.”

 

“Your people are alive.” Lexa simply states as they walk towards the house they'd once had a meeting in and Clarke nods. “Good.”

 

“But I don't want them in the war.”

 

“I wouldn't think so.”

 

“I want them to stay where they are safest.”

 

“Hilelia is the best place for them then.”

 

“Even if Nia attacks?”

 

“Sha,” Lexa sounds so sure of what she says but Clarke isn't so sure. She still worries that the walls she is told to exist won't stand against Nia's army but her mind is torn from the thought as they step into the meeting room. Her mother and Kane sitting beside each other opposite from Bjorn, Lagetha and Thorunn. Her eyes focus on Abby and the way she is suddenly out of her seat. Crossing the room to pull Clarke in for a tight hug despite their audience but Clarke pulls back. She is happy to see her alive and well but this isn't the moment for a real reunion.

 

Lexa strides into the room behind her but Alta lingers in the doorway near Clarke as if she doesn't trust the people in the room and it makes sense to Clarke. They are strangers to her and she is just an exile.

 

“What an odd collection of people in one room I must say.” Luna speaks up from her spot at the head of the table. “We have azgeda rebels, the once thought dead skaikru, wanheda, heda and a murderer.”

 

“She isn't a murderer, she is an ally.” Lexa corrects the leader but Luna stares at her a moment before nodding slowly.

 

“I see and whose idea was that?”

 

“It was mine Luna, the exiles that are in Hilelia denied Nia to join us instead for the promise of losing their status as an exile and claiming freedom.” Clarke tells her and crosses to take the seat beside Abby's. Her mother following to reclaim her own chair. “Alta saved me and I owe her this. I owe all of the exiles the same and they've agreed to follow Lexa into the war.”

 

“The exiles agreed to follow you into the war Clarke,” Alta says in clear English that she so rarely uses and Clarke looks up at her in confusion.

 

“But it is Lexa who offered you the deal.”

 

“But it was you who asked, Lexa's offer is an extension of you. So we follow you and you speak on our behalf as we have no voice among the clans.” Alta explains and Clarke nods because shes already felt the weight of it. She felt it on the journey here.

 

“Shes right that they have no voice among the clans but if you claim them as your own Clarke then I have no choice but to listen to you and accept them into my city.” Luna gives her the hint of a smile that tells her she really means it. She knows that Lexa needs all the help that she can get and she won't stand in the way of that.

 

“Alright then, I do.. I accept them.” She clenches her jaw under Abby's questioning gaze but she ignores it. Focusing on the way that Bjorn shifts in his seat before standing. His single eye scanning the people he doesn't know before choosing to speak.

 

“Heda Lexa I've come here in order to ask for an alliance.”

 

“And I accept but first I must thank you for what you've done in rescuing the skaikru.” Clarke knows shes thinking of the agreement that they'd come to before they went to fight for Polis. That her people would join the coalition but she wonders if Lexa will keep them in Hilelia despite that.

 

“I couldn't refuse a request from Ontari.”

 

“Then I must thank her as well.. but it seems she isn't here.” Lexa says with a bite in her tone as Bjorn sits back down but Luna laughs. Her laughter crushing the growing tension in the room but filling it with confusion instead as heads turn to stare at her.

 

“She has been reunited with that bird of hers.. I don't think we'll see her for sometime.” Luna glances at Clarke, “but I'm sure you'll be able to find her easily enough.” There's a hint there and Clarke frowns.

 

“I wouldn't know where to begin.”

 

“So you say.”

 

“Enough.” Lexa commands as if to say shes gotten it too but shes moving past it as quickly as she'd shut it down. “Nia plans to give Polis to Roan and that can't happen. It needs to be taken back before she can move her army into it.” She changes the subject.

 

“Lexa is right and with the addition of the rebels and the exiles we should have enough of a force to take it and hold it until we can get more gona on our side.” Clarke agrees with Lexa and finds the look in her eyes grateful before it disappears. Swallowed by steel.

 

“The skaikru will join you heda.” Kane speaks finally but his declaration is followed by silence. “If you will have us.”

 

“No,” Lexa blurts out before Clarke can. “The skaikru will stay in Hilelia to replace the numbers that will be lost when floukru gona go to retake Polis.” She says but shes looking at Luna. Silently asking for her to agree without a vocal fight and the leader nods slowly.

 

“Yes, my numbers will be low and we'll need your soldiers here in case of attack but..” Luna trails off and Lexa is shifting in her seat. Preparing herself for whatever comes out of Luna's mouth, a glare growing in green eyes. “The skaikru's alliance should be made official. They should join the coalition because what clan will deny an alliance with us once they hear that even the dead support heda Lexa.”

 

Lexa lets out a breath that almost sounds like a laugh but she nods. “Agreed.. they should.. if they will accept the offer.”

 

“We do.” Kane says it like he'd already discussed it among the skaikru but Clarke is too focused on Luna. She could kiss her for so quickly agreeing to Lexa's proposal but she keeps her seat. Feeling a calm wash over her as the meeting continues.

 

Bjorn giving numbers as Lagetha sits with her arms crossed over her chest. Thorunn patient beside Bjorn but Abby is resting a hand on Clarke's arm. Her thumb smoothing over the sleeve of her jacket as her other hand holds onto Kane's. Everything was coming together and it no longer felt like a jumbled mess of armies and alliances. Everything felt possible for once and it was a welcomed feeling.

 

–

 

Clarke leaves the war meeting in a hurry. Leaving the building but she stops in the middle of the grassy field that sits before it. Dropping to sit in the fading light of the sun. Another day ending but she doesn't feel tired just yet. There's a nervous energy in her veins that doesn't calm as Ontari appears at her side. Her hawk on her shoulder but his claws dig into the leather padding the warrior wears on her shoulder.

 

“Your journey was a fruitful one I see.” She glances back at the others who leave the building but looks away when Lexa glances at them then sits beside Clarke. “Your people are alive, the rebels join heda and the exiles are within the city.”

 

“And Luna knows?”

 

“Knows what?”

 

“About us.”

 

“Oh.. she cornered me when you left. She saw us from her private quarters and said she had already suspected it.”

 

“And now I think Lexa knows too.” Clarke whispers it and pulls strands of grass from between her knees. Piling them on her calf as they sit quietly for several minutes. Ontari deep in her mind with a far off look in her eyes until she nods slowly. “I need to thank you for what you did.. for saving my people.”

 

“It was the right thing to do.” Suoh on her shoulders lets out a quiet sound in agreement and Clarke reaches out. Smoothing her fingers over the top of his head gently. “I think he missed you.”

 

“And I missed him too.”

 

There is a heartbeat of silence before Ontari lets out a sigh, “and maybe I missed you as well.”

 

Clarke remains quiet. She needs to tell Ontari that what's going on between them needs to stop. She doesn't feel the same way as Ontari so obviously does and Clarke knows she needs to shut it down before it can go any further. The woman beside her seems oblivious to the war in Clarke's head, her fingers running through the grass beneath her but she stops when Clarke looks up at her. “There's something I need to say to you.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You do?”

 

“Sha..” she meets blue eyes before continuing. “I care about you and so do you for me but not in the same way.”

 

“I'm sorry,” Clarke sees the sadness that grows in her eyes, that reflects in her forgiving smile but she doesn't speak as she stands. The ice warrior walking away with a slump to her shoulders despite the bird that sits on them. Clarke watches her go for a moment before turning her gaze out to the field before her. Not expecting another person to sit down next to her but her mother does.

 

“She was the one who made sure we were safe?” She asks as Clarke leans into her shoulder. Inhaling the warm type of safety that her mother provides and nodding. “She looked sad.”

 

“Kind of just broke up with her.” There is a sadness in her tone and Abby is quiet as she wraps an arm around Clarke's waist. Pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her head and just holding her closely. “It's just not something I can do right now.. but I also hate knowing that I'm the source of her sadness.”

 

“I'm sure she understands.”

 

“Hopefully.” Clarke pulls away and studies Abby the way she hadn't been able to earlier. She isn't in the sky people clothes but something she'd expect to find on Indra. Tougher and offering more protection, a knife at her hip but she suspects her mother would never use it to kill. Her hair is clean and braided, her face is cut and bruise free. There is a certain shine to her eyes that Clarke hadn't seen since her dad was alive and she remembers how she and Kane had been holding hands during the meeting. “So you and Kane?”

 

Abby hums but nods slowly, “I haven't forgotten about Jake.. I still love him dearly but I also really like Kane. I'm sorry baby.”

 

“Don't be. You deserve to be happy.” She smiles because she means it. Abby had been through hell and back, she deserved some type of happiness after all of it.

 

“You approve then?”

 

“Even if I didn't would you consider stopping?”

 

“Yes because you're my daughter and what you think means the world to me.” Her response isn't what Clarke had expected but she nods anyway.

 

“Love him and be happy mom.” There's more that she wants to say but she keeps it to herself. She knows its a sad thing to say and now isn't a moment for sadness. Its a reunion and she needs it to be happy. She needs to be able to lean into Abby again and feel her fingers rub soothingly along her arm but if she says it then she can't so she doesn't.

 

–

 

Lexa meanders through the city along the river's edge. She doesn't care where she goes or who sees her as Ontari follows behind her. Her guard strangely quiet after speaking with Clarke and even her hawk is soundless. She wants to ask what happened for the sudden change but she doesn't. She suspects Ontari will eventually tell her herself and for now Lexa walks in the fading light of the sun. Still warm against her skin as she sits down on a wood crate that sits by a building but Ontari remains standing.

 

“If there is somewhere you'd rather be then you can go.” Lexa tells her but the guard merely shifts without a glance at her. Its disrespectful and they both know it but Lexa lets it go. She doesn't want to fight with someone in this otherwise peaceful place. “You're dismissed for now.” She whispers and Ontari finally looks up.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because I know this isn't what you'd like to be doing right now.”

 

“I'm fine.”

 

“You look like a kicked dog,” Lexa tells her and a hint of a smile plays at Ontari's lips but she sits down next to Lexa on the crate. Settling to pick a frayed bit of fabric on her shirt before looking up to meet Lexa's gaze.

 

“Feel like I've been kicked.” She says it almost in a whisper and Lexa knows she'll go into detail if she pushes enough.

 

“Why?”

 

“Clarke.” She says the name with an edge to her tone and Lexa looks away. Steeling her features to not let the surge of jealousy be seen. She pulls in a calming breath but it does nothing to help her because she knows now exactly what had been going on between them. She'd seen hints of it before, Luna had even suggested it but now she really sees it. It comes together like pieces to a puzzle she'd once worked on when she was younger and she swallows harshly. Her jaw clenching but Ontari isn't looking at her. “And I know you know heda.”

 

“You are free to do as you please,” is all Lexa can manage to say but Ontari shakes her head.

 

“It was wrong of me.” The warrior meets her gaze and the smile that had once been there is gone. Replaced by a worrying frown because she knows how Lexa feels about Clarke. She knows just how wrong it was and it reflects in her brown eyes but there is something deeper that Lexa finds buried there. “I hope you will forgive me.”

 

“She rejected you.”

 

Ontari is confused by the statement, expecting something different to come from the commander but nods. “Yeah, she did.”

 

“There will be others for you to care for,” she intends to mean for it to be comforting but it doesn't sound that way once it leaves her mouth. It sounds almost harsh and angry but Ontari nods in agreement regardless as she suddenly stands. Her hawk making a noise of complaint but remaining. “Where are you going?”

 

“You said I was dismissed for now.”

 

“Sha.”

 

“So... I'm going to get my mind off of.. things for a little while.” Lexa understands it to mean that Ontari is going to visit a place that could distract her well enough for a few hours and Lexa understands.

 

“Tell them heda Lexa sent you.”

 

“Thank you heda.”

 

“And don't come back until you're a lot less distracted.”

 

“Of course heda,” Ontari walks away hurriedly. Leaving Lexa alone to her thoughts.

 

–

 

Clarke doesn't realize that she can't seem to keep her hands off Raven. She touches her gently multiple times, hand resting on her forearm as she speaks. A hand on her knee as they sit when Raven shifts to let her fingers linger on Zero's head. Hands brushing when they walk down a side street. She glances at her often and that's what tells her she's doing it. She can't stop touching her as if some part of her thinks that if she isn't touching her then Raven will disappear. It doesn't stop with Raven however.

 

It continues with the remaining hundred. She touches Monty shyly after his first hug, fingers lingering near his elbow when they stand face to face talking. She lays her hand against Monroe's spine when the red head sits next to her. Fingers sweep blonde locks over Harper's shoulder when she replaces Monroe. She lays a hand firmly on Miller's shoulder when he speaks to her and watches the boy shes come to learn is Bryan. She avoids Jasper and keeps herself from touching Bellamy like she does the others. and Clarke knows these are things she doesn't normally do but she can't help it. No one stops her as if they knew she needs it. She needs to know they're real and actually alive.

 

She wonders if any of them besides Raven had really forgiven her and she suspects they had as it feels as no time has gone by with them apart. She knows that she doesn't know them that well but she doesn't let it stop her. She leaves them late into the night. Taking a walk by herself before finding a bed for the night and mulling over her day. She knows she should feel tired but she doesn't. That same nervous energy from earlier remains but she sits down on the bench she'd sat on with Lexa days before. It doesn't feel quite the same without her but she stays.

 

Stars shine above her and its quiet until suddenly it isn't quiet. Someone grabs her from behind, hand wrapping around the back of her neck and shoving her into the dirt before a boot is firmly planted in the middle of her back.

 

“ _Clarke kom skaikru, legendary wanheda, destroyer of the mountain, champion of the north and the one who leads the exiles..”_ a voice growls above her in the darkness and Clarke recognizes the voice. She knows that rough gravelly voice from anywhere and she pushes up on her hands but Anne keeps her down. _“Give me a reason to follow you into war. Prove yourself to me.”_

 

“ _You will bleed for nothing,”_ Clarke hisses in response and pushes back again before rolling out from under the floukru general's boot. She dodges a kick and grabs her leg firmly. Pinning it between her body and arm before yanking her down. She scrambles to straddle the warrior, punching her squarely in the nose and she knew blood painted her knuckles as she struck her again. Grunting in pain of her own knuckles splitting open from the impact but she had little time to feel it as Anne grabbed her by the front of her jacket. Slamming her head into Clarke's with enough force to daze her. Shoving her off and pinning her to the ground.

 

“ _And you will die by my hand little girl.”_ The general grunted, wrapping hands around Clarke's throat and squeezing. Clarke choked with those hands around her neck as she tried to reach out and hit Anne but failing. The woman remaining out of reach as her arms were too long and Clarke tried to suck in a breath but failed. Those hands tightening and she began to claw at her hands until giving up. Letting herself go limp, counting the seconds it took for Anne to realize she'd done it. Her hands loosened and Clarke sucked in a quiet breath. Grateful for the darkness around them as Anne rolled off of her. Panting loudly, _“guess those bullshit rumors were just rumors. Fucking easy.”_

 

Clarke drew the knife from her boot as she jolted upright and slashed at Anne. The blade cutting through her shirt and into the skin of her arm before Clarke stabbed it into her shoulder. Avoiding her heart because she didn't want to kill her. Luna and Lexa would need her but she was determined to prove herself to the general. The general grunted in pain but let out a laugh.

 

“ _Tricky little bitch aren't you?”_

 

“ _Decent enough.”_ Clarke straddled the general. Pushing her knife deeper into her chest and pinning her arms to her sides with her knees. Holding firm despite her struggles and Clarke shook her head, grabbing Anne beneath her jaw but not enough to choke her or cut off her air supply. _“You choked me.”_

 

“ _And you just stabbed me.”_ Anne grunted, trying to pull her head away from Clarke's grip but failing.

 

“ _I'm sure you've had worse.”_

 

“ _Having a bolt shot into your thigh isn't something I'd classify as worse.”_ Anne tells her and there's a significant change in her tone. Her voice is still rough but there's something more and Clarke isn't sure what it is. _“Maybe those rumors were true after all.”_ She stops struggling and Clarke pulls the knife from her shoulder.

 

“ _So I've proven myself to you?”_

 

“ _Well enough.. for now.”_ Clarke rolls off of her. Sitting cross legged in the darkness but she can just make out Anne straightening up. Pressing a hand to her shoulder and letting out a hiss of pain.

 

“ _Come, I'll patch you up.”_ Clarke murmurs as she stands, finding Anne's arm in the darkness and hauling her up. Leading her into the torch lit street behind them and Clarke scans Anne. Her hair matted with mud and her clothes bloodied from the knife wound but she walks with strength. Shes unfazed by what had just happened to her and Clarke feels a spark of respect for the general. _“Will you join the armies now?”_

 

“ _Sha,”_ she replies quietly. Walking off towards a building that Clarke doesn't recognize but she follows regardless. Stepping in and immediately being greeted by light from bulbs above them. A part of the floor covered in tables and chairs scattered throughout but a bar near the back. The room empty except for a woman behind the bar. _“This is the Black Sail, only place for a good drink on this side of Hilelia.”_ Anne explains, eyes on the woman that rounds the bar as they walk up. _“And this is Max.”_

 

Max glares at Anne and Clarke through dark brown eyes. Her black hair pulled back into a messy bun, held up by a cord of brown leather. Shes a beautiful woman despite the frown that graces plump lips and she reaches out. Grabbing Anne's forearm firmly and pulling her behind the bar. The dark skin of her hand contrasting against the lightness of Anne's. _“The hell did you do now Anne? Did you decide to fight death?”_

 

“ _Death is a merciful one.”_ Anne replies with a straight face but Max shakes her head. Dark eyes scanning Clarke for a moment before she shakes her head again.

 

“ _Branwada.”_

 

“ _She'll be fine, she'll survive.”_ Clarke offers but Max ignores her as she sits Anne down on a stool. Tugging off her shirt and inspecting the wound. Pushing Clarke away when she steps up to try and offer her assistance.

 

“ _You go, you've done enough here!”_ She snaps and Clarke retreats. Taking several steps back and Anne chuckles.

 

“ _Go wanheda, there is work to be done tomorrow and we all deserve our rest after this little encounter.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ Clarke leaves without another word but she feels Max's glare on her back until she is back on the street. She lets out a sigh but returns to the boarding house she'd slept in before. Knowing she needed to clean her knuckles or risk an infection.

 

–

 

Lexa sipped at her drink, letting the heat absorb into her muscles as she walked down the street. Making her way to the meeting room again as she'd just received a messenger a few minutes ago that Luna wanted to see her. Ontari walked behind her but Lexa wanted to tell her to go back to sleep. The warrior looked as if the real death had decided to share her bed and Lexa knew it was a hangover. The floukru had a stronger alcohol than the trikru and it took a toll on the azgeda.

 

“ _Why must Luna wish to meet this early heda?”_ The warrior grumbles roughly.

 

“ _I'm not sure, her messenger didn't give me much to go on but you can go if you need to. I'm sure you'd like some more sleep.”_

 

“ _I have left your side already within twenty four hours now heda. Getting drunk when I'm supposed to be guarding you is only what a bad guard does.. and I am not a bad guard.”_

 

“ _And you expect to be able to protect me to the best of your abilities with that hangover? Branwada.”_ Lexa glances over her shoulder at the girl. She doesn't look amused but she knows that Lexa has a point. _“Go, eat something and get some rest. It is only a meeting with generals and Luna.”_ She keeps it to herself that Clarke will be there as she continues on her way.

 

“ _Is that an order heda?”_

 

“ _It is.”_

 

“ _Then I will go but I will find you soon enough.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ Lexa waves her off and she can hear the warrior turn on her heel to walk back the way they'd come. Leaving her to sip at her drink again and head into the building. Striding into the room that is already filled with generals and Luna herself. The rebels standing behind the occupied seats but Lexa freezes when she spots Anne. The floukru general sitting with a broken nose and a bandaged arm. _“What happened to you?”_

 

“ _Nothing heda.”_ Anne responds as a person walks in behind Lexa. Her lips curving into the hint of a smile and Lexa turns to face the newcomer. Finding Clarke standing there with the knuckles of her left hand split open as well as her top lip. Light bruises around her neck but not seeming to care as Lexa glanced between her and Anne then back to Clarke.

 

“ _Nothing happened to you too then?”_ She asks but she knows the two of them had gotten into a fight. That was why Anne looked like she'd already gone into battle but also why she looked at Clarke with a great deal of respect.

 

“ _Yep.”_ Clarke rounds her and sits down in one of the two open seats. Her blue eyes meeting Anne's with a quick nod as Lexa sits down next to her.

 

Luna laughs lightly, _“Anne has decided to join the fight and now the floukru are ready to formally join you heda Lexa.”_

 

“ _Good.. prepare your armies,”_ she glances around the room then returns to Luna. _“We move to retake Polis once everyone is ready.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_ Luna grins and stands. _“Give us two days to gather warriors from Hilelia as well as neighboring villages. I have already sent riders and they should return soon enough.”_

 

Lexa nods and she feels the shift in the air before shes even looked at the others around her. A nervous but ready energy spreads out and she stands. Glancing at the people in the room once more before taking her leave.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question for you guys. Is the pacing okay? Because to me it feels like it's going at the pace of a Game of Thrones episode.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kind of iffy about this chapter for multiple reasons.

Clarke sits carefully in her seat. Allowing floukru handmaidens to apply make up to the bruises on her neck that linger but she knows that they can't do anything about her knuckles and lip. That the ceremony to initiate the skaikru into the coalition would have to go on despite them. The girls are quiet but give her warm smiles as they work over her and Clarke bets that none of them would dare speak out of turn in wanheda's presence. One of them braids her hair in silence as another applies a light layer of warpaint around her eyes. Soft fingers brushing over the dark circles beneath Clarke's eyes before the girl is sweeping the paint back to the side of her head. Starting with black then switching to a turquoise blue that is a floukru color but Clarke doesn't care.

 

The girl steps back after a moment then holds up a mirror for Clarke to see her work and she takes it from her. Keeping her head still for the girl behind her as she stares at her reflection. She's never worn warpaint but this paint doesn't carry the feel for war. It's just for ceremonial purposes and she let's out a soft sigh.

 

“ _Is it okay?”_ The girl asks warily. Her fingers still stained in the paint and Clarke looks up at her. Finding a glint of fear and worry that rests in her light brown eyes. _“I can redo it.. it's no trouble..”_

 

“ _It's perfect, thank you.”_ Clarke tells her and the girl relaxes. Quickly setting to work capping the jars she'd worked from and placing them in a cupboard on Clarke's right.

 

“ _The ceremony will begin soon,”_ the girl behind her says. The others around her seeming to warm up around Clarke as one of them asks a quiet question to an older girl. Clarke can't make out of her words as she whispers them but then the girl is scurrying off. _“This will be a first time than a clan has joined the coalition outside of Polis.”_

 

“ _But it is still real all the same.”_ Clarke replies but she doesn't even know if it was directed at her yet the girl hums in agreement.

 

“ _It will be quick, heda Lexa will speak then you will be branded.”_

 

“ _The leader will be branded you mean.”_

 

“ _Are you not the skaikru leader?”_

 

“ _No.. that is my mother.”_

 

“ _Then your mother will be branded.”_

 

“ _Why is she not in this seat then?”_ Clarke asks but it's a lie, she knows why.

 

The girl's hands still in her hair but then continues. _“I don't know but it is customary for the leader of the clan to kneel before heda Lexa.”_

 

Clarke already knows this. Lexa told her hours ago when she'd come to tell her about the ceremony itself. At first Clarke had been angry about it but after thinking about it she'd come to accept it. It was a minor thing on the road to ensuring her people's safety and she'd do it. She'd put her pride on the side in order to keep them alive. She'd put her pride on the side to make sure that Lexa gained more allies because of it. They both knew that word would get out the moment Clarke knelt for Lexa and that was what they wanted.

 

“ _So I've been told.”_

 

The girl falls silent and works. Picking up her speed until she stops. Smoothing her hands over tight braids and then stepping back. Allowing Clarke to look over the braids in the mirror and she nods. They are tight, precise and she assumes they are grounder culture appropriate for the ceremony but she hands the mirror over the girl who did her warpaint before standing. Smoothing out the dark leather dress she wore.

 

“ _Come, we will take you to the throne room.”_ The girl bows slightly then straightens up when Clarke faces her. The girl leading her from the small room and down a long corridor lit with solar power but she stops a set of metal doors. _“This is as far as we can take you.”_

 

“ _Thank you.”_ Clarke stands there a moment because she knows that guards will open the doors when it's time for her to go inside. She looks around herself as she waits. Still shocked that the hull of the ship is able to keep water out. She knows they are beneath the ocean and she can see the dark water through a small window next to her. Then suddenly the doors open and she's walking another short corridor to a set of stairs then into another room. The guards leave her at the final doorway.

 

The room is larger than the throne room in Polis and it's bright. She turns as she leaves the doorway and she walks with the ocean at her back as the wall behind is completely gone. She can hear and smell the ocean as she strides up the walkway between people. She spots Luna on Lexa's right and Titus on her left but Clarke is focused on the commander herself. She stands with authority above the others on the raised podium in a dress similar to Clarke's own but made of cloth. Black leather wrapped around her middle like a belt and her face painted in warpaint similar to Clarke's but all black.

 

She says nothing as Clarke comes to a stop before her. Their eyes meeting before Lexa gives her a small nod that Clarke is sure only she can see but she kneels. Dropping to one knee and resting her hands atop the knee that isn't pressed into the fur rug beneath her. She bows her head but she hears the shift behind as the others in the room kneel behind her. Showing their respect to heda Lexa and there is silence except for the ocean behind them.

 

“Hail warriors of the twelve clans.” Lexa speaks over their heads and Clarke doesn't let herself linger on her words. They both know that they aren't in the company of all twelve but it is required of the ceremony to say it.

 

“Hail commander of the blood.” The audience says back to her and Clarke can pick out certain voices among them before they fall silent.

 

“Rise,” she speaks the single word with authority but still with a lingering softness that is meant to instill comfort in her people and they stand in response to it. A chorus of shifting and slight grunts but then they fall quiet again under Lexa's stare. Those green eyes scanning them before she meets Clarke's blue eyes momentarily then the blonde moves to stand beside Abby. “We welcome skaikru to our halls in the spirit of friendship and harmony. We welcome Clarke kom skaikru, legendary wanheda, mountain slayer and we gather here now to initiate them into the coalition. To symbolize this union the leader of skaikru must bear our mark.” She meet's Kane gaze as if they'd spoken about this before hand, “present your arm.” She orders and a guard carries a metal pole in his hands bearing the symbol in a fiery red as the man does as he told. Preparing himself for the hot metal and grunting when it's pressed into him then removed. “Welcome skaikru to the coalition.” Lexa finishes.

 

The crowd dissipates when the mark cools on Kane's arm but Clarke finds herself returning to the throne room after she's changed and cleaned herself of make up. The throne room echos with the roar of the ocean as the wind picks up outside but she studies the throne before her. Completely made of metal and she assumes they are pieces from ruined ships as edges rust. The back of the throne consisting of only a large metal captain's wheel that sits rust free. Cloth hanging off the handles in various shades of blue and it doesn't look like the most comfortable seat.

 

“That throne is Luna's pride and joy.” A voice speaks from behind her and she turns to meet Lexa's gaze. The commander back in her hooded tunic and pants but her hood is down. “She says the leaders before her had no creative mind so she decided to change that. She had the wheel forged by city blacksmiths. It was the first thing she did as floukru admiral.”

 

“Admiral?”

 

“The official title for the leader of the floukru.” Lexa explains and she takes several steps closer. “Old world I believe.”

 

“Sounds like it would be..” Clarke looks back up at the throne then back to Lexa. She knows she made the decision to fight alongside Lexa in her war. That she would help her regain peace in the grounder world despite what Lexa had done to her and a small part of her wondered if Lexa would do it again. If the commander would leave her in her time of need. Would betray her and abandon her at the steps of some other mountain or even city. “Lexa.”

 

“Clarke?”

 

“If you betray me again..” she begins harshly. The memory of the betrayal fresh in her mind as she thinks about it and she opens her mouth to continue.

 

“I won't.” Lexa cuts her off and the walls that Lexa seems to hold strong within herself vanish as she takes a breath. A decision being made on the spot and Clarke sees it in her eyes. She stands confused for a moment until the commander begins to kneel. Dropping to both knees but never letting her eyes drift away from Clarke's as she comes to a rest on the rug beneath her. “I swear fealty to you Clarke kom skaikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people.”

 

Clarke studies her frozen. This wasn't what she expected. She never expected Lexa, commander of the thirteen to kneel before her but she was. She knelt in a way that gave Clarke complete power and she could feel it. The subtle shift in the ocean air around them. She knows this won't mean complete forgiveness of what Lexa had done but it punctured a hole in her walls. Knowing Lexa would do whatever it took to regain her forgiveness, to regain whatever it was they had before shook Clarke. She knows she'll never be able to look her in the eye and feel anger or hatred for what she'd done at the mountain ever again.

 

It barely takes her a second to hold out her hand to her and Lexa only breaks eye contact to take it. The commander rising to stand before her then meeting her eye again. Their hands still in one another but for the moment they both let it happen.

 

–

 

Lexa peers down at the map on the table. It's hand drawn and not as good as the ones she had in Polis but it does the job. It tells her every river, every creek, every lake and pond near Hilelia as well as around Polis. It tells her trade routes and roads used by the everyday person. Few caves are shown but the caves don't matter to her. It is the roads. The ones that lead to Polis and she knows that all roads lead there. It was something that all of the commander's before her had made sure of and it also meant that a road lead to each of the clan capitols but she was focused on the road that led to Ontre.

 

She had scouts set up along it and so far nothing had come from them which was good for her. It meant that Nia hadn't sent any armies to Polis just yet and it meant that Lexa needed to move fast. She needed to take it first and now the armies were ready to move. Nearly a thousand strong of Trikru, Floukru, exiles and rebels. She knew Polis could hold all of them and many, many more but that number would never be enough to take an azgeda allied army. It would crumble under the numbers that heavily outweighed them.

 

“ _You think too loudly little heda,”_ Luna murmured from her seat near the open window. The smell of ocean wafting in and the leader was absorbing it as she sat there. _“I have already given the order for the gates on the wall to be dismantled for the army to pass through as my boats are too few to move them.”_

 

“ _Good,”_ Lexa knows that Luna had given the order for the gates to be melted shut when she first came into power. She never wanted to be attacked from there and completely closed her city off from the rest of the world. The only way in or out of Hilelia was on a boat but now she was opening them in the name of war. _“How long?”_

 

“ _Not long, my people are good. They are strong and waste little time.”_ She let's out a sigh and stands. Crossing to stand next to the map table. _“The army will be beyond the walls before nightfall and you'll have Polis taken before the sun is at its highest point tomorrow. I will lend you my builders to rebuild Polis to full strength. They will build walls like the ones that protect Hilelia.”_

 

“ _Metal walls fortified by more metal..”_ Lexa speaks aloud to herself and Luna nods. _“Thank you.”_

 

“ _Can't have Polis falling again heda.”_

 

“ _The walls were only destroyed after the city was taken,”_ Lexa explains. Alta had told her what she'd seen inside the city. _“We just need to take it back before Nia has a chance to move for it herself.”_

 

“ _But what will you do once you take the city?”_

 

“ _Find more allies.. I will ride for the capitols if I must.”_

 

“ _And get yourself killed? Good idea Lexa.”_ There is a sarcastic edge to her tone and Lexa sighs.

 

It's the only idea shes got. The riders she sent never returned. Either dead or too afraid to return but if she goes then she will take a small group with her. A group of strong warriors that she trusts the most but she had to be smart about this. She had to keep someone in Polis that she trusted as well and a part of her wanted to keep Clarke there. She wanted to know that she was somewhere safe in case something went wrong when she left to find more allies but then she knows that Clarke wouldn't agree. That she'd fight to go with her and it left her with the option of asking Obe and Indra to remain in charge of Polis.

 

“ _It is the only option.. if I remain in Polis what we've got then we are doomed to fail. We'll all die then it'll all have been for nothing.”_ She says and Luna frowns but nods in agreement. _“Will you come with me?_ ” She asks suddenly and Luna looks up to meet her gaze.

 

“ _On a mission that is truly suicide for the sake of trying to gain back peace?”_ Luna lets out a laugh, _“of course I will. If Nia wins and I am alive then she will hunt me down and kill me like the traitor I am.”_

 

“ _I am sure you would put up a fight.”_

 

“ _I may be for peace.. but that doesn't mean I am weak.”_

 

“ _Of course not.”_ Lexa sits and nods to herself. _“I plan to take Clarke, you, Lincoln, Alta, some of her warrior's that she trusts and Octavia if Indra will give her up.”_

 

“ _What about your guard?”_

 

“ _She will stay in Polis with Obe, Indra and the azgeda rebel leaders. They will remain in command of the army in case Nia attacks before I can return.”_

 

“ _Once she hears you're gone to look for more allies she may not touch Polis. She may go looking for you instead. Kill you and end the war before it has a chance to really grow into a full fledged bloody war.”_

 

“ _Perhaps but if she does then it keeps Polis safe.”_

 

“ _And if she does then her allies will find you. Take you alive and deliver you straight to her throne in the north.”_

 

“ _And I'll deal with that if it comes to pass.”_

 

“ _You are taking a great risk Lexa.”_

 

“ _I must.. for peace.”_

 

“ _Peace..”_ Luna murmurs and shakes her head. _“You will die for peace.”_

 

“ _And if it happens then my spirit will move on to strengthen another.”_

 

“ _But may it never come to pass.”_

 

–

 

Clarke sits on her horse in awe, staring up at the tall metal walls that seem to be solid. No cracks between the sections of wall and she suddenly feels better about leaving her people in Hilelia when she passes through the opening in the wall. The walls are thick, as thick as her horse is long and she swears she sees a handle of an old world car before she is outside of that wall. Greeted by the army that stands beyond it. Ready and waiting for the order for them to march for Polis but Lexa isn't there. She's still on the opposite side of the wall. Something about Raven needing to speak with her but Clarke only waits a few minutes before Lexa appears.

 

No longer in her hooded tunic but in her war armor. The coat long as it drapes over the rump of her horse. Red sash over her head to ask as a hood when rain begins to fall over the gathered army. She looks ready for war despite being free of war paint and Clarke falls in to ride alongside her to the front of the army. She knows Bjorn and Lagetha are already there but Alta follows in behind Clarke. Keeping her distance to take the position of a general, the same as Lagetha, Obe, Lincoln, Luna and Indra. Octavia riding in the line behind them.

 

Lexa turns to face the army and draws her sword, a fierce look in her eye that tells Clarke she is no longer Lexa. That is now the commander of the twelve clans. _“Tonight we march for Polis. We march to take back what is ours and drive out those who remain within it's walls. We will reclaim it and rebuild it. The ice queen will come to dread the day she made the choice to attack our city, our capitol and slaughter our people. She will dread the day she sent her own to die by our hands as her reign of death will end on their backs.”_ She pauses and meets Clarke's eyes. _“Many have died by her hand.. and many more will die as well but it will not be in vain. We will win. We will take Ontre and end this war!”_ She shouts and the warriors before her shout with her.

 

The roar is deafening and Clarke finds herself shouting as the other general's near her do. Voices echoing and giving way to the power within it. The sound sent shivers down Clarke's spine but then the sound began to tamper off and Lexa was turning around. Signaling for the march to begin as she fell into step alongside Clarke.

 

“So what's the plan after you take Polis?” Clarke asks in the fading light of the sun that presents itself through rain clouds. In the last two days she'd only seen Lexa once at the ceremony. She'd spent what little time she had with her people. Helping them get settled in Hilelia for an unknown amount of time and leaving them earlier had been bittersweet. She was no longer under Jasper's glares but she was already missing her mother and Raven.

 

“After Polis I intend to find more allies,” is all Lexa tells her and she seems hesitate to say more but Clarke understands. They are backed by an army that could have a spy within it but she hopes it doesn't. “We'll march through the night to make it before anyone else has a chance to.”

 

“So we're in for a long night..”

 

“Sha,” Lexa says it with an edge to her voice and it signals to Clarke that she doesn't want to talk anymore. Clarke doesn't mind it as it gives her time to think. She doesn't mind riding through a nearly pitch black forest for miles as the sunrise the next morning is a reward enough. Golden rays spilling through new green leaves above and painting across the forest floor ahead of them but she's torn from it when Lexa is suddenly halting for the army to stop. Motioning with her hand for Clarke to approach her quietly and she's leaning in close when Clarke is near her. “Someone is here.” She whispers and Clarke scans ahead of them before Lexa points down to the tracks that show hundreds of footsteps. “Someone beat us here.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Azgeda maybe..” Lexa murmurs and turns to look behind them to Luna who quickly approaches them. “Send scouts to search ahead of us.”

 

“Sha heda.” Luna turns away and a squad of scouts is quickly sent in but then they return almost as quickly as they disappear on foot through the trees. Their eyes wide, filled with fear and grips tight on their weapons.

 

“ _Speak true.”_

 

“ _An army sits camped at the mouth of Polis heda, azgeda.. blue cliff and others.”_ One of them explains and Lexa clenches her jaw. Turning her gaze down to the brown mane of her horse before looking over at Clarke then back to the scout.

 

“ _How many?”_

 

“ _They cannot keep us from taking what is yours heda.”_ The scout tells her instead but Lexa glares at him harshly. Knowing he will tell her exactly what it is she needs to know without her asking twice. _“Less than us.. many villages worth but we are stronger.”_

 

“ _I see, bring me Obe, Indra, Luna and Lincoln.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

He hurriedly darts off and her general's take his place. “We will be fighting for Polis.”

 

“Expected it.” Indra grumbles and Lincoln nods. “We should attack at midnight. Surprise them in the dark and give our own army a chance to strengthen themselves. It will make for a cleaner battle and we will be victorious with fewer losses.” Indra continues, knowing that Lexa is already aware of this and Lexa nods in agreement. “Nothing will stop us from taking Polis heda Lexa.”

 

“Sha.”

 

–

 

Lexa weaves through the underbrush silently and she is aware that Clarke is just to her left. She can hear her, smell her and she swears she can feel the heat the rolls off her as they suddenly halt. Lexa's hand in the air and knows that her army can see it despite the darkness. She knows that the metal across the back of her gloves reflects moonlight and tells them when she gives silent commands. She moves her hands and directs the army to prepare a flank as they sit just on the edge of the road that leads into Polis. Dead azgeda scouts lay somewhere nearby but Lexa doesn't care as she gives another order for a group of her gona to climb the crumbling walls of Polis to attack from behind.

 

She plans to box them in, to position them between two parts of her army to make for an easier fight. She doesn't want to risk losing what gona she has in this fight and she takes a deep breath. Listening intently to the soft sounds of her gona stalking through the forest until she can suddenly hear them no longer and she knows they've reached the walls. She glances at Clarke and catches the glint of moonlight in her blue eyes that encourage her.

 

Lexa moves forward. Weaving through the few trees that hug the edge of the road into Polis. Immediately spotting cooking fires that burn low in the darkness when she breaks the treeline. She knows she's bathed in moonlight but the gona opposite her sleep on. Sleeping in groups of four that span from the mouth of the city to beyond it's walls inside and she realizes that the army is larger than she was told. She can just make out her gona poised over their enemies and she worries for a moment before she pushes it away. Knowing her gona will do whatever it takes to secure a victory and Lexa flashes her hand. Her warriors attacking as she does despite being outnumbered.

 

Clarke beside her kills a sleeping warrior with a knife in his heart but then a shout rings out through the camp. Waking the sleeping gona and all hell breaks loose. Groggy warriors rising to defend themselves and Lexa grabs the wrist of a woman below her that snakes for the dagger in her belt. Stabbing her own sword through the azgeda's stomach before dodging a sword that swings for her front. Her attacker killed by Clarke who quickly turns to fight off a blue cliff warrior that swings for her head. She watches the blonde defend herself a moment before she turns to face gona that charge at her.

 

Cutting one down and completely dodging the other before she slashes him across the back. In her fight she loses track of Clarke but she can't let herself worry over her as she is again attacked by two gona. She uses her sword to block one but the second swings his sword for her shoulder. She grits her teeth but grabs the sword edge with her gloved hand. Letting out a pained breath when it sinks deep into her skin. Her blood staining his sword and soaking into her coat sleeve but she pushes back on both of them. Dislodging her sword and killing one before killing the other. Squeezing her hand to try and stop the bleeding before continuing the fight. Killing until the sky began to grow from a purple haze to a warm pink before her.

 

“Heda! We are victorious!” Obe yells at her after she's killed a blue cliff and she nods, turning to face him as he rushes up to her. Touching her on the shoulder reassuringly. “Alta has been injured but Clarke is taking care of her.” He points out over crushed cloth tents and burnt out cooking fires in the wake of dawn to a small group that stands over someone on the ground. “There.”

 

Lexa nods and sheaths her sword. Making her way over and pushing into the circle of gona that surrounds a fallen Alta. The warrior scowling and glaring at the ones who watch an arrow be pushed through her shoulder before the head is broken off and the shaft removed. Clarke quickly applying pressure to the wound that drips with blood until she suddenly looks up. Realizing she has an audience, “ _go away_!” She shouts and the gona scatter but Lexa remains there, kneeling beside Alta and resting a hand on her uninjured shoulder. “She'll be fine.”

 

“ _It will take more than an arrow heda Lexa_ ,” Alta tells her and she suddenly sitting up as Clarke sheathes her sword quickly. Throwing Lexa a look that reads agreement with the exile's statement but then she's wrapping the wound as best she can with what she's got before a healer can make their way over to them.

 

“What about you Clarke? Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah Lexa, I'm fine.. let's just take this city already.” Clarke tells her quickly and she stands. Scanning Lexa up and down before her eyes focus on Lexa's hand. Blood staining her fingers. “You're hurt.”

 

“I'm fine.”

 

“Oh whatever,” Clarke grumbles and comes to stand next to her. Grabbing her hand and stripping off the glove. Frowning at Lexa's slight jump but she's inspecting the cut. “This is really deep.. what did you do?”

 

“Stopped a sword with my hand.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes, _“branwada..”_ But she presses clean cloth into it. Not at all surprised when she has to pull it away for more. “You may need to be stitched up.”

 

“I'll be fine Clarke.”

 

“It'll heal faster if I stitch it Lexa.” She explains and wraps the wound tightly before letting Lexa's hand go. “And I'm going to do it whether you like it or not.”

 

“Of course you are..” Lexa mutters and she's sure that Clarke hears her as the blonde meets her eye before grabbing her arm and leading her off the battle field to Clarke's horse where it remains hidden in the woods. The horse immediately looking up when they approach but then looking away when Clarke begins to rummage through saddle bags. Pulling out a small leather bag that she holds out for Lexa to hold. Allowing her to pull out a thin needle made of bleached bone and even thinner string to sew up Lexa's hand with.

 

“It'll hurt but I'm sure you've had worse.” Clarke says it and Lexa wonders if it's meant to be a tease but she doesn't question it as the blonde pours a clear liquid over the needle then over Lexa's hand. The brunette letting out a sharp hiss and the pain that explodes in the cut. Cursing loudly and she finds the hint of a smile play at Clarke's lips as she threads the string through the needle. “I had to sterilize it. So it doesn't get infected and you die because of it but now you should sit because this may take a moment.”

 

“Sha.” Lexa walks away from the horse and sits leaning against a tree. Clarke taking the spot beside her but on her knees. Hovering over her hand then beginning. Working diligently but silently as pain erupts from Lexa's hand. “You have done this before?”

 

“Yes, I've had to stitch myself up a few times.” Clarke explains but she doesn't look up as she tugs the needle through skin. Looping it around to bring the edges of skin together. “It is easier doing it on someone else.”

 

“I would suspect so.” Lexa says aloud but Clarke doesn't respond until she's cutting the string off with her teeth then wrapping the hand again. The blonde shifting to lean back against the tree next to Lexa with her blood on her hands. Drying against her skin but she doesn't seem to mind as she holds the needle between her thumb and index finger. “You're good at this Clarke.”

 

“My mother is better.”

 

“Perhaps but you are a woman of many skills.”

 

“So it seems.”

 

–

 

Clarke spots Lexa fidgeting as if fighting the urge to tug at the bandage on her hand and she rolls her eyes. Coming to the conclusion that all grounders are like that when it comes to being injured. She watches her fingers ghost over the bandage and she let's out a loud sigh. Loud enough to get Lexa's attention but the commander is being addressed by Obe when he approaches. Blood staining his sword and face but he gives them a victorious smile.

 

“ _What happened?”_

 

“ _Small group of gona were holed up on the docks but we defeated them.”_

 

“ _Good.”_

 

“ _The city is now clear of all enemies and we have begun to build pyres for the dead.”_

 

Lexa nods, _“excellent, have Luna's builders begin on the walls and I want double the guards on them until they are completed. I don't want to lose the city again should Nia decide to send another army.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_ Obe walked off wiping blood off of his sword and weaving through other warriors that work hard to clean up Polis.

 

“I thought Polis was empty Lexa.”

 

“It's possible that the army arrived after Alta left.. I had scouts set up along the road to Ontre but they could have avoided roads to keep themselves hidden.” She pursed her lips, “it was a surprise for both of us Clarke.”

 

“But now you've taken the city back. It's a good victory.” She knows that it'll be talked about in villages of all clans. Even in Ontre that Nia lost Polis to Lexa. That her army wasn't enough for the tactician that Lexa was.

 

“It's a loud victory.” Lexa tells her and Clarke nods in agreement but Lexa is gesturing for her to follow her into a quiet alleyway. The blonde following her, wondering what it was she wanted that needed to be said in private. “We're leaving tonight.” Lexa says the moment they are completely alone.

 

“What?”

 

“We need more allies if we're to fight an azgeda alliance. I plan to ride and find them.”

 

“You'll die Lexa, you'll get caught and they'll kill you!” Clarke hisses in defiance but she can see the stubbornness that glows in green eyes. There was no way she could talk Lexa out of this decision.

 

“I know.”

 

“Then let someone else go and do it.. even I'll go in your stead. I'll find more allies and you can stay here in Polis where it's safe.”

 

“This isn't like the exiles Clarke. It's something that I have to do and I've already spoken with Luna about it. I've decided to take a group that I trust and I want you there.. if you'll agree to go.”

 

Clarke frowns because on one hand she knows she'll have the opportunity to protect Lexa. She'll have the opportunity to keep her alive and in turn keep her people alive but she also knows that they could both die. Setting the fate of the war in stone. Confirming it's loss in a single stroke and even if Clarke did manage to survive while Lexa didn't she wouldn't be able to ensure a victory. Not while none of the grounders trusted her but she let out a sigh then nodded slowly. “Fine.. I'll go with you.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“But only to make sure you don't end up getting yourself killed.”

 

“I had no plan to die anyway.”

 

“Yet you've decided to go on this suicide mission of yours.”

 

Lexa fights her smile because in this moment Clarke sounds like Luna.

 

“And who else will be going? Where will we go first?”

 

“Boudalan, to the city of Hollow.. lead by the man named after his city. Hollow.”

 

“And you trust him enough to agree to an alliance?”

 

“Enough to try.”

 

“You didn't tell me who all was going with you.”

 

“Because I've yet to ask them besides you and Luna.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes, “where do we meet then?”

 

“There is an old building that sits near the outskirts of Polis. The roof is caving in but it's hard to miss if you know it's there. It's to the southwest and we'll meet there.”

 

Clarke nods and walks off. Knowing she's going to need sleep before she goes on this sure fire suicide mission of Lexa's.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I could've done better with the second battle of Polis but I'll try to make up for it in later chapters.


	24. Chapter 24

A chorus of insects sing around Lexa as she waits in the shadows of the building outside of Polis. The horse she rides shifts impatiently as she herself is impatient. Luna had already arrived but the floukru leader had wandered off. Leaving her soft gray mount to nose at the earth beneath it. Lexa huffed in annoyance and swung her leg over the back of her horse. She stepped around Luna's horse and melted into the darkness but she paused when she heard a familiar sigh. Seconds later Clarke appearing and she glared at Lexa.

 

“Why are you creeping around in the darkness Lexa?”

 

“It is past midnight. Only you and Luna have shown up.”

 

“How many agreed to join you?”

 

“You, Luna and warriors that Alta suggested I ask since you won't let her leave Polis but Lincoln asked to stay in Polis.”

 

“She took an arrow to the shoulder Lexa.. she shouldn't be traveling. She should be healing.” The blonde shook her head, “I saw the warriors when I was leaving. Three of them.”

 

“Yes.. Indra scolded me for even asking about Octavia.”

 

“Of course she did, Octavia is her second.”

 

“And this is a good opportunity for her to learn to become more diplomatic.” Lexa defended. Guiding Clarke to the building. Finding Luna already there and leaning against a tree that had managed to grow through rusted metal. “You return.”

 

“I got bored.”

 

“We're still waiting.”

 

“Then let me ride ahead for Hollow.”

 

“No.”

 

“You are not commander of the thirteen.. you are commander of killing my fun.” Luna grumbled but Lexa ignored her. Instead looking over her shoulder at the riders that approached them. The three exiles coming to a stop behind Clarke. “Good you're all here so we can go now.” Luna quickly jumps on her horse in excitement. “Come on heda!”

 

“Sha.” She's on her horse but Luna is taking the lead. Weaving between trees but Lexa takes her time. She's in no rush right now for Hollow and she knows that if they go slow then they aren't drawing attention to themselves. She hopes they won't meet many people on the journey to Hollow but she knows they will. She knows that the moment they cross into blue cliff territory to get to the boudalan they'll have to be on guard. There will be no room for mistakes.

 

–

 

Clarke rode between two of the exiles. One she knew, the other she didn't. The one she knew was named Ax. A small woman who used dual axes rather than swords and reminded her of a soldier she'd once met in Otta. Her long black hair braided away from her face and kept out of her soft brown eyes. She recalled the woman not being one to talk very often unless she was comfortable with whomever talked to her.

 

The man on Clarke's opposite side however seemed to be a talker. He chatted to the exile who rode beside him. Animatedly talking about fire from what Clarke could gather and with that knowledge she urged her horse to escape them. Riding to catch up to Lexa. The commander riding quietly by herself as Luna had disappeared into the trees.

 

“So tell me about the boudalan leader.” She says the moment she is beside Lexa. The commander nodding and looking over at her. Peering at her from beneath her hood as she'd left all evidence that she was heda back in Polis. “Do you know if they are loyal to you at all? Would they send a messenger to Nia and get you killed?”

 

“Hollow is loyal and has never agreed with Nia.”

 

“But that doesn't tell me if they would join you.”

 

“I believe he will.. I have hope that he will.” Lexa tells her and they break through the treeline to ride alongside a slow river. Clarke can make out mountains in the distance but she knows it isn't mount weather or the mountains that protect Arle. They seem to glow with a bluish hue in the moonlight but they disappear as they ride into the trees once again. “After we visit the boudalan we will go to the podakru. I have high hopes for it's young leader.”

 

“And after that?”

 

“There is one more clan I will ask. One that was suggested to me and I believe it will be worth trying. They are a large clan, as large as Nia's own but they do not fight often. When I was building the coalition they were one of the first to join.”

 

“Who?”

 

“The igranrona. They span much of the west. Mostly farmers and horse breeders but they are worth asking.”

 

“What is untrained gona compared to those who were born and raised on a weapon?”

 

“The igranrona took a lot of their land by force after the great war Clarke. There is dormant warriors blood in their veins. Obe is one of them. He is of their blood and he is a great warrior.”

 

“But he is trained Lexa.. blood doesn't count for much when it's being spilled rather than pumping through a living warrior's veins.”

 

“You may be right but we don't even know if they'd agree.”

 

“Who is the leader?”

 

“There are two since the territory is so large, they have a northern leader and a southern leader. They lead as one unit but they don't call themselves king or queen. They are simply two leaders and they only have one capital that they both reside in. The northern leader is Ingrid, the south is Agnes.”

 

“So are they a couple?”

 

“No, Ingrid is bound to a horse breeder from the north and Agnes has no one.”

 

“I see.”

 

Clarke fell quiet and mulled over what Lexa had told her. She was firm about untrained gona not being worth much and she didn't look forward to the idea of the untrained simply being used as meat shields. She doubted Lexa had that in mind. She didn't want anyone to die that didn't need to die. She let out a quiet breath but Lexa didn't look at her. Telling her that the commander may not speak for the duration of the ride to Hollow.

 

–

 

They ride for days and Lexa seems to mainly keep to herself. The ride through blue cliff territory turned out quiet and Clarke wondered if that was why Lexa was keeping herself separate from her. As if the brunette thought if someone attacked them that Clarke could get away if she wasn't nearby but as they approached a lake covered in morning mist that changed. She was by her side in an instant and Luna shot them a sly grin.

 

“Lexa?”

 

“We're here.”

 

“What?”

 

“This is Hollow.”

 

“It's a lake Lexa.”

 

“The lake is named Hollow and Hollow is on the other side. We'll ride around it and reach the walls before the sun is at it's highest point.” There was a spark of excitement in her voice and Clarke nodded in understanding. The commander leading the way but she stopped when the gates were in sight. Tugging her hood up to cover her hair and face, hiding anything that could give her away as commander. Even handing her sword to Clarke and waiting beside her to slip it over her shoulder opposite her own sword.

 

“Why do your people name everything after one thing?” Clarke asks suddenly.

 

“Our ancestors don't appear to have been good at naming things.” Lexa tells her and Clarke wonders if it's meant to be a joke but they are passing through the open gates of Hollow. The walls they pass through thin and wooden but beyond them lay pits filled with spikes. She eyes them cautiously, realizing the weak walls were just a ploy to make enemies attack them but then fall to their deaths in those pits.

 

The streets they ride on are made of old stone. Cracked and worn from numerous generations of people walking over it but it seems as if someone has attempted to repair them. Making it rough and uneven beneath her horse's hooves but the people of Hollow didn't seem to care for it. Vendor stalls sat on awkward slopes that worked for some but didn't for others. The people walked by but none looked up at the newcomers and she wondered just how many people came to this capitol. She suspected few as on one side they had a mountain range then another smaller one on the opposite side. The city itself was protected on three sides by a lake.

 

Lexa didn't stop to look over the city as Clarke did. She rode straight down the main road. Weaving through the people and Luna followed her. The floukru leader hooded as her commander was and Clarke let out a sigh before following. Following the two leaders when they took a different path down a quiet street away from the largest building in Hollow. Instead dismounting at a quaint shop with hand made trinkets that hung in it's open windows. A gentle sound of wind chimes in the breeze that washed over them but Clarke was following Lexa into the shop.

 

“Why are we here?” Clarke asked quietly but Lexa shook her head as she leaned against the wood counter. Moments later a man passed through a black curtain over a doorway behind the counter but he froze when he spotted Lexa. Quickly motioning for her to follow him and she moved to do so. Luna and Clarke followed her in closely as she only had a dagger on her. Making sure to sit on either side of her as the exiles remained in the front of the shop.

 

“ _Heda Lexa.. not at all surprised to see you here.”_ The man speaks quietly, his rough voice somehow soft when he sat down across from them. His large, bronze hands resting on the surface of the table. Calloused from many years of hard work. He met each of their gazes calmly before he sat back in his seat. The chair creaking under his weight and dark brunette braids spilling over his shoulders. _“You've come to seek an alliance.”_

 

“ _Sha Hollow.”_ Lexa removes her hood to meet his dark gaze head on. _“I sent riders but I received no response.. so I came in person.”_

 

“ _Still reckless despite your years as commander.”_ He murmurs, stroking the thick braid that kept his beard tamed. _“I received no riders heda. I suspect they were killed before they could reach me.”_

 

“ _Possibly.. Nia will do whatever it takes to keep me from massing an army to defeat her own.”_

 

“ _You will fight?”_ He asks but sounds as if he doesn't believe her in the slightest.

 

“ _Of course Hollow, she threatens my people and the peace I've worked so hard for. I will not go down without a fight. I will not give up without first trying.”_ Lexa tells him with fury in her voice that rises as she leans forward in her seat. Fist slamming on the table but Hollow seems unfazed by her. _“In order to do that.. I need your alliance.”_

 

“ _So it would seem but first.. why is wanheda here? Why is the commander of death in my city and why does she wield your sword. There is no azgeda spy in my city and never will be. There is no reason for you to hide here. The boudalan are loyal to you and only you heda Lexa.”_

 

“ _And for that I am grateful but I cannot risk Nia learning of my journey.”_

 

“ _She would send armies to find you and kill you. To destroy the alliances you make before they can assist you in the war.”_

 

“ _Sha..”_ Lexa glanced at Clarke then back to Hollow. _“Wanheda is here because she is my ally. The skaikru have joined the coalition and they stand with me.”_

 

“ _The skaikru are all dead.”_

 

“ _They are alive.. azgeda rebels saved them.”_

 

“ _So you are allied with rebels as well as the dead. That is a first for any heda.”_

 

“ _I do what I must to protect my people.”_

 

He nods in understanding. Shifting to clasp his hands together in his lap and studies Clarke before nodding again. _“The boudalan will enter an alliance with you heda but I wish for this information to not leave this room until it is time for the fight of all our life times. If the ice queen were to learn of this alliance I would have a fight on my hands that I would not be prepared to fight alone.”_

 

“ _Of course, you're right.”_

 

“ _That I am.”_ He stands with a small smile and Lexa stands with him. The tall man holding out his arm to Lexa and she grips his forearm in agreement with him. Nodding when he lets her go. _“Stay in the city for the night. It is safer here than it is out there.”_

 

“ _Thank you.”_

 

“ _And one more thing.. where do you intend to go next?”_

 

“ _Podakru, the Dusk boy.”_

 

“ _He has visited me recently.. to talk of the war. He is in no alliance. Nia has been to him but he rejected her as I will should she come for me.”_ He sits back down, gesturing for Lexa to sit back down too. _“I believe he will agree to an alliance with you as well but beyond him I do not know.”_

 

“ _There is another that I plan to ask.”_

 

“ _Who?”_

 

“ _Ingrid and Agnes.”_

 

“ _The horse queens of the west.”_ He chuckles lightly, _“if they do not join your war then they will surely mount your gona with the finest horses of the west.”_

 

“ _They are truly the finest I have ever ridden.”_

 

“ _Even the ice queen rides one despite her long time talk that her northern horses are a better ride.”_

 

“ _Those northern horses bite.”_ Lexa smiles but Luna is frowning.

 

“ _My horse does not bite,”_ she tells her and crosses her arms over her chest.

 

“ _It is a half breed Luna.”_

 

“ _You are a half breed.”_ Luna grumbles and stands. Leaving the room with a loud huff but Lexa laughs lightly.

 

–

 

Lexa sits quietly in the upstairs room above the shop. It's quiet and cool as the windows are open on both sides. Allowing a cross breeze to wash over her and it's relaxing. Clarke sits with her back against the wall on the bed. Notebook open and she can just make out the subtle sounds of the blonde drawing. It's almost as calming as the wind is and it's one of the more peaceful moments they've shared that makes Lexa wonder if Clarke is less angry with her. She knows the blonde is aware that all of them will be sharing that top floor for the night but she didn't say anything when she was told. She simply nodded then sat on the bed to draw.

 

Luna had disappeared to walk the streets with the exiles. The floukru leader becoming odd friends with the man Lexa learned to be Brand. A man exiled for burning down a village in his youth. The sun began to set and Lexa shifted. Catching Clarke's quick glance and furrowed brow before her eyes darted back to the page but she had no time to say anything as Luna appeared in the doorway. The exiles behind her.

 

“Hollow said someone will bring food up in a little while.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“A nice fish.” Luna added and Lexa frowned. “I doubt it'll taste as good as Hilelia's but I am willing to give it a try.”

 

“You can have my share.”

 

“You don't like fish Lexa?” Clarke asks, closing her notebook but keeping a thumb on the page.

 

“It's not a particular favorite of mine.”

 

“I see.”

 

“What do you think about it Clarke?” Luna asks her and Clarke shrugs.

 

“Never had it much when I was.. inland.”

 

“Interesting.” The leader sat at the small table in the corner and cast quick glances between Clarke and Lexa. “So about the sleeping arrangements.”

 

“I'll sleep on the floor. A couple of you can take the bed.” Lexa says first but Luna shakes her head.

 

“I think you and Clarke should take the bed.” She says, first studying Clarke for her reaction then Lexa but frowns when she gets nothing. “The two most important leaders should get the best rest and what better way than that bed.”

 

“No Luna, I'll sleep on the floor but you can take the bed with Clarke if you'd like.” She knows what Luna is doing but she's not going to fall into it. She's not going to let Luna give Clarke a reason to dislike her more.

 

“I just might..”

 

“I'd rather sleep with Lexa than you Luna.” Clarke mutters, her eyes still glued to the page and Lexa swallows her laughter in a cough. “Luna kicks in her sleep.”

 

“What?”

 

“Clarke is right, you do.” Lexa agrees because she has been a receiver of those kicks many times when she was a nightblood. The bruises had lingered for months afterward.

 

“Fine, you two can sleep in the bed then. I don't care.” The leader grumbles but she doesn't miss the subtle glances that Clarke and Lexa exchange. All of them looking up when a set of servants enter the room. Moving things about the room to make space for the table that two men carry in and set down before disappearing. Allowing more servants to set food on the table. Disappearing as quickly as they'd appeared. “Dinner then.”

 

“Good, I'm starving.” Brand sits first before anyone else can claim a seat. The group chatting among themselves even when Hollow joined them. The man taking a seat at the front opposite Lexa but not joining in the conversation as he ate. Lexa knew he wouldn't talk much. He never was much of a talker but he still spoke more than Alta did.

 

“So Brand, are you aware of the trees along the coast that burn green when you throw them in a fire?” Luna asks and Brand is gasping in shock.

 

“I didn't, tell me about them.”

 

“They grow all along the coast but they are too weak for boat building so they used more for decoration than anything. The floukru use them for signal fires as well.”

 

“And they truly burn green? As green as a spring leaf or spring grass?”

 

“A little darker but yes.”

 

“There is a bush here that burns blue.” Hollow offers to the conversation and Brand smiles excitedly. “I will have someone show you before you leave at sunrise if you'd like.”

 

“Yes!”

 

It dies down after that and Hollow leaves. Servants coming in his place to clear everything away but Luna and the exiles leave once again. Giving Clarke and Lexa the room but Clarke returns to her notebook using a candle on the small table in the corner. Letting Lexa stand awkwardly by the bed for a moment.

 

“Do you want to sleep Lexa?” Clarke asks when she finally realizes Lexa is just standing there. Candle light flickering across her features and Lexa can only nod. Unsure if her voice will actually work as her throat feels tight. The realization that she'll be sleeping in a bed next to Clarke becoming a reality sooner than she thought. “I can go somewhere else if the light will bother you.”

 

“No, it's fine.” Lexa sits on the furs that cover the bed. Pulling off her boots and setting them up near the end. Out of the way for when Clarke decided to lay down if she even did. A small part of her suspected that she wouldn't. That she'd rather not sleep at all or just sleep in her chair by the open window but Lexa pushes herself to the far side of the bed. Tucking herself beneath warm furs and listening intently to the sound of Clarke drawing. Letting it lure her to sleep.

 

She isn't sure how long she sleeps because when she opens her eyes the room is pitch black and filled with the sound of sleeping breaths. She reaches out tentatively behind her but finds herself to be alone. A shadow of a figure sleeps in the chair by the open window. Boots up on the table and head using the wall as a pillow but Lexa rises from the bed. Stepping over a sleeping Luna to approach the blonde. Her face scrunched up in discomfort and Lexa frowns before she lifts her carefully. She sends up silent prayers that she doesn't wake and she doesn't. Not even when Lexa tugs off her boots after she's laid on the bed.

 

Lexa returns to her side but faces away from Clarke. Grateful when she manages to doze off again until she hears a soft whimper. She feels Clarke shiver and shake behind her. The bed shifts and so does Lexa. Twisting to try and calm the demons that prowl through Clarke's dreams. She reaches out when Clarke gasps loud enough that it would surely wake the others but somehow doesn't. She touches Clarke's arm gently and the blonde swings a fist for her face but she avoids it. Grabbing her wrist and leaning in close to Clarke so that only she can hear her.

 

“It's okay, you're safe.” She whispers and Clarke seems to relax although she still breathes loudly and heavily in her sleep. “You're safe.” Lexa repeats.

 

“Lexa?” The name is followed by fear and Lexa hesitantly releases her wrist. Sliding her hand down to rest over Clarke's. Drawing slow circles over her skin in the hopes that it'll calm her and it seems to work.

 

“You're safe Clarke.”

 

“I woke you up didn't I.”

 

“No. I woke myself up.” She squeezes the sweaty hand reassuringly and the blonde doesn't pull away. She lets it happen and then Clarke is twisting to lay on her side facing Lexa. “Sleep Clarke, you're safe.”

 

“So you say.”

 

“They're just dreams.”

 

“Dreams of what has really happened and what could happen.”

 

“Would you like to talk about them?”

 

“No, just go back to sleep.” Her hand twists in Lexa's. Gripping her so tightly that it's almost painful but Lexa allows it. She'll allow the girl to take refuge in the small touch if it meant she'd sleep. She'll allow her to keep a valley of distance between them with their hands as a bridge and Lexa lays on her back. Not falling asleep herself until Clarke's grip on her hand loosens slightly but still remains firm.

 

–

 

Clarke wakes before anyone else and she sucks in a deep breath. She can feel the soft fabric of a shirt against her nose and she can smell everything that is Lexa so clearly. Like the forest and the wind that washes through it. She knows that she must have scooted closer to her in her sleep but she doesn't move yet. She's completely enveloped in a cloud of safety for the moment and she wants to linger in it. She wants to forget the dream she'd had of Lexa being killed by Nia. She wants to forget the image of the commander being filled with arrows and bleeding out before Clarke can reach her. She doesn't know why she's dreamed it or why she let herself revel in the warmth that Lexa provided. Why she held onto her hand instead of pushing her away. A hand she still gripped tightly tucked beneath her chin but she finally opened her eyes at the thought.

 

Not expecting to learn that she hadn't just gotten closer to her but rather on top of her. Her head on her chest and Lexa's free hand resting on her arm. All of it provided much needed comfort but suddenly it became too much and Clarke pulled herself away from Lexa. Slipping out of the bed and pulling on her boots before stepping over sleeping warriors on the floor. Stepping out on the open floor of the shop below but she stopped when she realized Hollow was sitting in a chair behind the counter. The man expertly whittling a piece of black wood.

 

“ _Good morning wanheda.”_

 

“ _Call me Clarke.”_

 

“ _Good morning then Clarke, I hope you slept well.”_

 

“ _I did.”_

 

“ _That is good to hear..”_ he falls silent and Clarke crosses to look at the things he's made that hang in the windows. _“My mother raised me to be a woodworker but my father desired me to lead instead.”_ He shifts in his seat under Clarke's gaze. _“So I did both to appease them both.”_

 

“ _You seem good at both.”_

 

“ _Decent enough I suppose. I keep my people alive. I keep them out of unnecessary wars and I had hoped to avoid this war but it seems I cannot.”_

 

“ _Nia threatened you?”_

 

“ _Sha, I received a messenger in the night that demanded I join her or I be considered her enemy. She promised my death should I decide against her.”_

 

“ _Will you remain Lexa's ally despite Nia's threat?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _Good.”_

 

“ _Would you kill me if I decided otherwise?”_ He asks and Clarke shakes her head. _“I heard stories that you were fierce and cruel. Willing to lay death's mark on any person that dared defied you. That you would destroy them as you destroyed the mountain, as you destroyed the pits in the north but it seems they were only rumors.”_

 

“ _I fight to protect myself and the ones I care about.”_

 

“ _And you care for heda Lexa.”_ He simply states but Clarke doesn't reply as another person comes down the stairs. A half awake Lexa making herself known and Clarke doesn't reply to Hollow because she cares for Lexa to a certain extent. Lexa is the barrier between her people dying and her people surviving. Lexa is the one who helped her take the mountain. Lexa is the one who abandoned her at the mountain, Lexa is the one who swore fealty to her and Lexa is the one she will fight for in this grounder civil war.

 

“ _Good morning heda Lexa,”_ Hollow returns to his work as if nothing had been said between himself and Clarke.

 

“ _Good morning Hollow..”_ She studies Clarke in the growing light of dawn. _“And you as well Clarke.”_

 

“ _Good morning Lexa.”_

 

“ _The others are waking slowly but we'll be on our way soon enough for the Castal.”_

 

“ _Good, as much as I like Hollow and.. Hollow. I'm ready to move on.”_ Clarke says to no one in particular and Hollow chuckles with a nod.

 

“ _You are welcome to return any time Clarke kom skaikru. Maybe next time you could take a swim in our lake although it is better during the summer months. Cooler and much more refreshing.”_ He offers and Clarke nods. _“Heda is welcome too.”_

 

“ _Thank you for the offer Hollow.. perhaps after the war if we win.”_

 

“ _I look forward to it.”_ He tells her and Clarke hears the confidence that lingers in his tone but she looks away from him when Lexa moves to stand beside her. A hand guiding her to leave the shop and she follows. Allowing herself to fall into a quiet walk through the now quiet streets of Hollow. She makes sure to not trip over the uneven ground below her. Keeping her eyes down but she looks up when Lexa touches her lightly.

 

“I thought you may want to see the lake before we left Clarke.” She says gently but Clarke is staring at the lake from where they stand on a small hill. It sits still and gentle in the morning sun. A light mist laying over the surface and Clarke can just make out the water beneath it. She studies the curve of the beach that runs below them and finds small boat pulled ashore but she spots a teenage boy pushing one out onto the water. Obviously looking forward to early morning fishing and he rows away from once his boat is out far enough. Heading in the direction of a island in the distance. “The podakru have more lakes than the boudalan but this lake is a good start to what we shall soon see.”

 

“I have seen one of the lakes of the podakru. The exile village sits between one and a smaller lake.”

 

“I see.” She sounds a little defeated and Clarke frowns.

 

“I look forward to seeing the rest of the podakru lakes though.” Clarke tells her and Lexa simply nods. The two remain standing there for a moment longer until someone approaches them from behind and they both turn to find Luna.

 

“The lake is pretty and all but we've got to get moving. Brand has already seen the blue fire and I think if we don't hurry up and leave he will want to stay forever.” Luna sighs as she says it and Lexa nods.

 

“Let's go then.”

 

“Before we go Lexa I need to change your bandage.” Clarke tells her as they follow Luna back to the little shop and Lexa nods. The brunette immediately pulling at the one that covers her hand now but Clarke stops her. “Leave it until we get there.”

 

“But you said you were going to change it.”

 

“Yeah so leave it until we get there.”

 

“It bothers me.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes but grabs Lexa's hand. Pulling it off herself and is relieved that it doesn't look infected. The skin healing and she knows that Lexa won't scar as badly since she'd stitched her up. “It's healing and I don't think you'll scar.”

 

“I wouldn't mind it.”

 

“Another scar in a long history of many?”

 

“Sha.” Lexa replies quietly. Not looking up when Luna glances back at them as she's focusing on Clarke's fingers that linger on her skin. Clarke doesn't look up either as she remembers how it felt to hold onto Lexa last night. How it felt to be wrapped up in safety and warmth but then she pulls away. Hoping that Lexa can't read her face and see what is surely portrayed there. Lexa clears her throat and looks away but she follows Clarke into the shop. Letting her bandage her hand again before they're on their horses and heading for the gates of Hollow.

 

–

 

Lexa leads them north and she can smell the scent of rain on the air as they ride. It feels damp against her skin and clouds gather in promise of rain but they don't stop. Clarke rides beside her with her head covered and the blonde is looking at her. She doesn't smile and she doesn't frown but shes studying her until Clarke is suddenly snatched away. A body falling from the trees and grabbing then pulling her up and away as the trikru do but Lexa knows this isn't the trikru. She hears a scream erupt from the trees above her.

 

“Clarke!” She yells and her hand automatically goes for her sword but she grasps at nothing but air. Her sword still over Clarke's shoulder and the warriors around her fall into fight mode as one of the exiles is taken next. Lexa looks up frantically and unlike the trikru these gona are easy for her to spot. They don't hide as well and Lexa grabs the bow that is tied to Clarke's saddle. Nocking an arrow and letting it loose. Her target grunting in pain but remaining in the tree and more gona spill from the trees around them. Aiming their weapons for Lexa as one of them grabs her, taking the bow and she fights back until Clarke is shown to her.

 

“ _Stop or she dies.”_ A voice hisses from the one that holds Clarke but it's three gona that keep their hands on her. Blood drips down her neck from her lips and her teeth are stained red but she is weaponless now. Struggling against them until she suddenly throws her head back. Loosening the third man's grip on her arms and freeing herself. Grabbing the dagger that sits on one man's belt to kill him then the one on her opposite side and the exiles jump into action. Drawing weapons and fighting back as Lexa does. She wields her dagger, stabbing it through the knee of one who holds her and pushing him off. Ripping her dagger free to slash the throat of another and she knows they are outnumbered but it doesn't stop her.

 

She whirls at Clarke's yell and grabs the sword that is thrown at her. Slashing an attacker across the back before she has a firm grip on her sword but he falls and she's moving on. Making her way to Clarke and protecting her back until the blonde is turning on her.

 

“Who are they?” She asks, avoiding an arrow that soars through the air for them.

 

“I don't know.” Lexa replies, slashing one of the few remaining gona that charge at her and the trees quiet around them except for the groan of a dying gona that Lexa makes her way to. She kneels over her and grabs her roughly by the front of her unmarked armor. _“Who sent you!”_

 

“ _Heda Lexa?”_ The gona asks despite her mouth full of blood. Her brown eyes studying her before she closes her eyes. _“This is why we lost. Heda Lexa is untouchable with wanheda by her side. Heda who stands by death cannot be defeated.”_

 

“ _Who sent you! Answer me!”_ Lexa shouts but the warrior is dead and Lexa is furious as she stands. Eyes finding Clarke's where the blonde kneels beside a dead warrior. Her chin and neck still covered in blood. “Are you okay?” She asks her quietly.

 

“I'm fine. It's not my blood.. I bit someone's ear off when they pulled me up.” She explains digging through pouches until she comes to something that makes her stop. “Lexa? What is this?” She holds up a wood carving with a symbol. Round and red with blood but she knows it is not just the gona's blood that makes it red. “Do you know?”

 

“Sha, it is the _Trishanakru._ Glowing Forest clan but I don't know why they are this far north.”

 

“Nia?”

 

“Possibly.” Lexa sits and looks over at Luna where she stands bloodied but otherwise unharmed. The exiles standing near her and Brand holds onto the exile that was taken by the trishanakru. Rubbing his thumbs reassuringly over her hands and Lexa knows they can't linger here long. Not with so many bodies laying around them and she stands. Pocketing the carving and she turns to find their horses still standing there as they are trained not to flee during a battle. “Let's go.” She says loud enough for everyone to hear and they nod.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot about Lincoln when I wrote this chapter despite having mentioned him going on Lexa's little around the twelve clans in 80 days adventure. I'm sorry that I did but at least he is safe.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick question for all of you. I've seen the comments about Ontari and I agree. I miss her too. Maybe a little less in this fic since I'm struggling to write that Clarke/Ontari fic that I want to do so badly but the point is. Would anyone be opposed to seeing chapters that turn away from clexa to focus on what Ontari is doing wherever she ends up? Similar to ch.10 but dedicated to her story entirely or would a chapter that follows the same setup as ch.10 be better?

The taste of iron lingers in her mouth despite numerous mouthfuls of clear river water. She can't rid herself of the taste or the look of sheer panic that had been written across Lexa's face the moment she'd been taken into the trees. The look was gone now but replaced by worried glances into the trees above them and at Clarke as they ride. She wants to tell Lexa that they'll be fine but she doesn't because she herself doesn't even know. The attack seemed to have shaken them all and even Brand was silent where he rode between Luna and Ax. The exile she still didn't know the name of rides ahead of them with her eyes glued to the trees.

 

She wants to say something but she doesn't. Instead pulling the notebook from her back pocket and flipping it open to the page she'd been drawing on that night in Hollow. She angles it away from Lexa's eyes because she doesn't want her to know that she'd been drawing her. She doesn't want anyone to know that she'd caved and finally drawn the commander. Drawn her in a moment where she wasn't heda but all Lexa. Calm and relaxed in the upstairs room above Hollow's shop. Beautiful even when the breeze had brushed brunette curls over her shoulder and lingering sunlight played in her green eyes.

 

She pursed her lips and let herself drop back a little from Lexa. Her horse nosing at the deerskin saddle Lexa sat on and Clarke knew he'd keep pace with her like that. Giving her time to clean up the sketch. Shade her in all the right places and follows the curves of her legs where they bent as she sat in the chair.

 

“Heda.” The exile ahead of them says suddenly and Clarke is putting the notebook away. Looking up to follow the hand that directs their attention to a lone rider ahead of them. They are far in the distance and momentarily disappear in a dip in the earth before reappearing but Lexa makes no move to catch up.

 

“May be a trader.” Lexa says quietly, “we won't bother them.”

 

“Sha heda,” the exile replies but Clarke knows that if there is one trader that there may be another. That they may run into more and more people the closer they get to Castal. She doesn't know how big the podakru capitol is as she's never been there before. She has the seen the great lakes that it sits near but that is all.

 

“Lexa?” She pushes her horse to catch up again.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Tell me about Castal.” She hopes that it will burn the time between them and the city. That it will calm the storm that she catches a glimpse of within green eyes. She hopes it will calm the nervous storm that rages within her as well.

 

“Well..” she begins quietly, “it was once a massive hole in the ground. Dug before the great war but now the hole holds the main part of the city. Over time it extended beyond the walls of the hole but we will go to the hole itself as that is where we will find Dusk. Most of the buildings are built of stone and earth on slight stilts as the hole floods quite easily.”

 

“I see,” that wasn't what she'd meant by telling her about the city but she let's it slide. “And the people?”

 

“The people are..” she seems to struggle to find the right word to describe them and she shrugs. “Loud. They are a loud people. They shout, sing, drink and fight. The podakru arena is why people visit Castal from all the twelve clans. They go to either fight or watch the fights but the combatants are all willing unlike..” she pauses, “unlike the pits in Otta.” She glances at Clarke with that but Clarke looks away.

 

She knows that Lexa has some kind of idea about Clarke's past with arenas and pits. With blood and fighting for survival as she'd told her that she was a pit fighter but nothing past that. She worries about what memories the arena will awaken in her but she doesn't say anything as Lexa continues.

 

“Dusk is like his people. He is loud, likes to fight but he is just a boy. Younger than you and I. Older than many of the nightbloods but still a boy. Many think he ascended the throne too soon with his father's untimely death but he completed the rite of passage when he slayed a beast that swims the lake.”

 

“What?”

 

“One of the lakes is plagued by beasts that eat people should they enter it. Long, big and with sharp teeth.” She spreads her arm as if to attempt to explain a little clearer but to Clarke it sounds like the creature that tried to eat Octavia when they first fell to the ground. “Some swim the rivers in trikru even.”

 

“Yeah.. Octavia survived one.”

 

“She did?”

 

“Yes, she decided to go for a swim but got attacked. She was pulled out before she was killed.”

 

“That sounds like a story that Indra may want to hear.”

 

“Why?”

 

“No trikru have ever survived being attacked by the beasts. Only the podakru are adept at killing them. The slaying of one is used for it's leaders to ascend thrones and sometimes to become generals in it's armies. Parts of the beast are used to make weapons, clothing from its hide too.”

 

“So Dusk killed one.. how did his father die?”

 

“His _tombom_ stopped suddenly.” She tapped her fingers against her chest over her heart and shook her head but Clarke understood that he died from heart failure. It was something she'd seen and heard of before on the Ark. “Like his father before him, and before him.”

 

“Hereditary.”

 

“What?”

 

“It means it runs in his family. Passed down from generation to generation. From father to son and so on.”

 

“I see,” Lexa nodded and by now the sun was beginning to set. Warm glows slipping through the leaves above them and the rider they had seen before gone from view. Clarke knows that Lexa will want to stop soon so they can continue before the sun rises in the morning and she eventually does. The sun dipping beneath the horizon and darkness falling but a fire burns before the darkness swallows them.

 

–

 

Lexa tells them to leave the horses in the forest near Castal. Left to wander on their own and they hide their belongings in the trees before they continue on foot to the city. Lexa leading them to a gap in a wooden wall that is guarded by men in stone gray leather armor with bone tipped spears. They only glance at them as they walk by and as they descend into the city Clarke is assaulted by the sound of music and shouting.

 

The sound of drums fill the air but they aren't war drums. The sound is softer and welcoming as voices sing in tune to the beats. The city around them bustling and loud but the singing is louder. The people seem to drink openly in the streets but Lexa doesn't pause as they walk. Avoiding being slammed into by drunken gona until they come to a part of the city that is somehow quieter. The building that towers before them seemingly built into the wall behind it and guarded by men with spears. Their faces hidden by masks but they don't stop Lexa when she climbs the wooden stairs into the building.

 

“This is Dusk's home.” She says quietly leaning into Clarke and they walk the hallway that leads to an open doorway. The room they enter large but still smaller than the throne room in Hilelia. The rugs beneath their boots not made of fur but of something else and she assumes it is the skin of the beast from the lake. Light gray cloth hangs from the wall that bear the podakru symbol against natural stone walls and Clarke thinks they are within the walls of the city itself. Candles sit in carved out holes that drip melted wax and more sit above them in metal chandeliers like the ones in Polis.

 

The boy at the end of the rug sits on a throne made of rock and bone. The body of a giant snake like creature seems to wrap itself around the back of it. The head lying across the top, off white and haunting as it sits there. The tail of the creature ending near the podakru leader's boots. The leader himself looks younger than Lexa had told her. Only seeming to just now lose his boyish features as wisps of black hair cover his chin and upper lip. His light brown eyes lit with the promise of drunkenness and a reddish glow to his golden cheeks. His short black hair messy as the woman who sits on his lap runs her pale fingers through it.

 

“ _Who do we have here?”_ He asks loudly and the woman on his lap stands to allow him to stand. She moves to the side and takes his cup as he straightens the loose shirt he wears. The sleeves missing but his arms covered in a black tattoo of a snake creature whose spine follows the curve of his arm up to the shoulders before disappearing. His hands being the creatures head. _“More visitors to Castal I assume?”_

 

“ _We are visitors Dusk.”_ Lexa replies and pushes back her hood. Meeting the eyes of the podakru leader and the boy nods before he makes his way down the two steps from his throne. Crossing to stand before her and barely being taller than her. His frame only slighter bigger than Lexa but he holds power in the room. Clarke can feel it when he glances over at her and his thin lips curve into a smile that bothers her more than makes her feel welcome. A smile that Lexa seems to miss as she's holding her arm out to him. _“Dusk kom podakru, it is good to see you again.”_

 

“ _Sha heda,”_ he accepts her arm momentarily meeting her gaze but then he's looking back at Clarke. _“Wanheda.”_ He releases Lexa to hold out his arm to her and she accepts cautiously. She doesn't like the way he looks at her. She doesn't like the way he seems to see her as less than what she is and she knows that it's his age talking. The immaturity that flows through him and he seems to hold onto her a little too long before letting go. _“To what do I owe this pleasure.”_

 

“ _You know why.”_

 

“ _War.”_

 

“ _War..”_

 

“ _You've come to ask for an alliance against Nia.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

He returns to his throne and sits but the woman remains standing until he waves her way. _“You have been to see my friend Hollow then?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _And he agreed?”_

 

“ _You already know the answer to that question.”_

 

“ _I do and he isn't what this visit is about. This visit is about you asking for my alliance in the war against the rest of your coalition that stand gathered under Nia's power hungry hands.”_ He runs his finger over the rib bone of the snake that encloses an arm of his throne. _“You arrived during the spring festival heda.”_ He changes the subject with a smile directed at Clarke.

 

“ _So it seems.”_

 

“ _Stay and when it ends I will give you my answer. Joining a war requires thought.”_ He looks back to Lexa, _“enjoy the festival heda Lexa.”_

 

Lexa frowns but nods. _“We will stay but once it is over I would like your reply.”_

 

“ _And you shall have it but for now I invite you to drink. Drink and eat, relax as I'm sure you've had a hard journey thus far.”_ He stands again and strides across the room. Beckoning for them to follow him out into the streets of Castal again. His eyes meeting Clarke's again when Lexa isn't looking but he leads them to an open area that is filled with people, food and tables. _“Enjoy heda.”_

 

“ _Thank you.”_ Lexa remains by Clarke's side however but the others wander off. Seeming to stick a little closer than they had in Hollow to her but they fall into the celebration with ease. Even Lexa relaxing with a cup of amber liquid in her hands where she sits on a wooden bench but Clarke remains on edge. She can feel Dusk looking at her still. She shifts closer to Lexa when he sits beside her and tenses when he touches her arm. Her attention on him and she doesn't realize that Lexa is suddenly gone from beside her. Lead away by Luna to speak privately.

 

“ _The great wanheda.”_

 

“ _Dusk.”_

 

“ _It is good to meet you finally. Put a face to the title.”_ He says quietly but she can still hear him over the singing around them. _“And the rumors.. you destroyed the mountain. Self exiled and became champion of the north as Nia's prisoner.”_

 

“ _Just rumors.”_ She glances over her shoulder, realizing Lexa is gone and she scoots back into the seat that she had vacated as Dusk is getting closer to her. Crossing the distance and his hand rests on the small space between them. _“The festival.. is it for harvest? Or to signal the beginning of planting?”_ She asks hoping to distract him.

 

“ _This far north the land warms slower so it is the beginning of our short planting season. The food we plant here grows fast to make up for that short season.”_ He smiles again and scans her body. Eyes lingering on the sword across her back but she stands with a frown. Growing tired of the boy and his wandering eyes.

 

–

 

Clarke climbs a small set of stairs that lead into a building but she remains outside as it gives her the height she needs to watch the fights in Castal. It gives her something to do that gives her distance from Dusk. She hopes the commander will come to find her soon but she forces herself to focus on the fight that is just starting. Two large men grapple with one another and it is a fight that boils down to brute strength. The man in black pants with faded red cloth tied around his waist grunts loud enough to be heard over the crowd and Clarke watches him dig in to tire the other man out but she's suddenly distracted when someone approaches her.

 

“Remind you of the pits wanheda?” A voice suddenly asks beside her and she turns to find Vane. Immediately wishing he'd shut up but mostly wondering why he was there in Castal. Luna had left him in Polis to help defend should Nia attack.

 

“No.”

 

“Colder I bet.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes. Choosing to ignore his statement to ask why he was there. “What are you doing here. You're supposed to be in Polis.”

 

“Alta disappeared and I tracked her here.”

 

“What?”

 

“Yeah but it seems I've lost her only to find you.”

 

“How unfortunate..” She mutters and he laughs. Clapping her on the shoulder roughly but it doesn't phase her. She wants him gone and now before he has the chance to say anything else.

 

“This must remind you of Otta.. Screaming crowds. Blood on the dirt and turning into mud but I bet it turned the snow into mush. Slippery and hard for you to keep your footing as you fight to survive.. “ Clarke scowls but doesn't give him the satisfaction to turn and tell him off. “See.. I don't think you really were up there. All we heard in Hilelia was a lot of rumors. Wanheda survives a month, two months, three even! The sky princess survives six months! Then talk stops altogether but then you show up in Polis with Heda Lexa who betrayed you and you did nothing to her. It really makes me wonder if you really were up there. If you really are a trained pit fighter. You could take Lexa. You could destroy her with your training and the hatred that you surely harbor for her after what she did but you haven't.. “

 

Clarke ground her teeth as the fight ended. The man in red winning and the arena was empty before another set of fighters stepped in. Armed with dull weapons that do remind her of Otta and she knows what Vane is doing. Hes trying to get her to fight in the arena and prove herself to him but she won't fall for it.

 

“Anne fought you. She told me all about it and said you were a bit of a dirty fighter. Used the knife in your boot to win. Very dirty, very trikru.. As if instead of Otta you learned to fight with the trikru. In a village. With the trikru exiles maybe and that's why they follow you. They see you as one of them, as a member of their family and they trained you as such.” He scoffed and his tone suddenly changed, “not a pit fighter. All a bunch of lies. You've got everyone fooled but not me.”

 

Clarke's blood was beginning to boil. She felt the surge of rage burn through her veins and she felt the desire to prove herself despite already having done so for six months with the azgeda. She had indeed done some training with the exiles but what she'd used to beat Anne she'd learned in the pits.

 

“She lost to an exiled pit fighter.” Clarke murmured, watching the two gona in the arena dodge one another. Their swords singing when they met each other. “Trained floukru general lost to someone rumored to have fought in the pits.. How does that make you feel Vane?”

 

“Anne is weak. She lets her emotions control her and she is the only floukru general you'll ever be able to beat.”

 

The arena emptied and Vane is moving. Pushing himself through the crowd into the empty circle. Raising his arms to gain their attention then projecting his voice. _“Good people of Castal. I am Vane kom floukru, general of the floukru armies. Captain in its fine fleets.”_

 

“ _I don't care who you are, get out of my arena.”_ A man that stands shorter than Vane says but he outweighs him by a long shot as he strides to where Vane stands.

 

“ _The legendary wanheda stands just up there.”_ He points to her and she feels herself scowl deeply. Her jaw clenched and hands balling into fists. _“Clarke kom skaikru, the one who brought down the mountain, supposed champion of the north and self exile.. But I think it's all rumors. A load of bullshit and I-”_ he cuts himself off when Clarke storms into the arena.

 

“If this is what you want Vane then I will give it to you. We'll fight and if I win.. You shut your mouth.”

 

“And if I win?”

 

“ _You won't.”_ Clarke says loud enough for the crowd to let out a roar. Asking the fat man to let them fight and he shakes his head. Throwing his hands up in defeat.

 

“ _My weapons, my rules.”_ He tells them and Clarke nods. stripping off her jacket and sword. Tossing them behind her and following the fat man to a weapons rack that holds dull weapons. _“Pick. First to give in or pass out wins.”_

 

“ _This won't take long.”_ Vane says confidently when he picks a sword that looks heavier than Clarke's actual sword and Lexa's put together but he holds it powerfully in his large hand. Telling Clarke what she already knows. That she needs to be fast and not try to meet his strength full on. She had to tire him out, she had to be smarter than him.

 

He crosses to stand opposite her before the crowd but stripped off his thick jacket then his shirt. The crowd letting out a roar as he rolled his neck and body. Allowing his muscles to ripple but Clarke prepares herself for his attack. She's ready when he charges her. Sword swinging for her but she dodges him. Skirting just outside of his range and studying him for any weaknesses but she looks up. Spotting Lexa standing where she herself had stood just minutes ago. The commander watching her from beneath her hood and she wondered why she couldn't have shown up minutes sooner.

 

She dodged Vane swinging for her again and forced herself to focus. Backing up when Vane tried to reach for her. Hand stretching out to grab the front of her shirt but she slashed out with her sword. Catching Vane’s hand but the blade didn't have enough force or sharpness behind it to cut the skin. She dodged another strike and the crowd cried out. Begging for something to happen and Vane threw them a cocky smirk. Giving Clarke a chance to kick in the back of his knee and force him to the ground. She gripped the back of his head tightly. Fisting her hand in his braids and pressing her sword edge against his neck.

 

“I've killed men with swords duller than this. Sawed it into their necks and felt the blood drain from their veins beneath my hands. I sawed into them until they took their last breath but didn't stop until I removed the head completely. I could do that to you now but Luna and Lexa need you.” She growls into his ear, pressing the edge firmly against his neck.

 

“Lies.” He suddenly reaches up and grabs her right arm. Hauling her over his shoulder and slamming her into the ground like she was nothing. Knocking the air from her lungs and she gasped. Grunting in pain when Vane kicked her in the side. His laughter ringing above her but she grabbed his foot when he attempted to kick her again. Twisting it until he let out a roar. Suddenly falling backward and she sucked in harsh breaths as she rose to her feet. Grabbing her sword and holding her side. Not missing a flash of green eyes that watched her carefully directly behind Vane at the sidelines now.

 

She breathed carefully as her lungs burned but raised her sword as Vane rose shakily on his knees. Laughing cockily as he suddenly charged her but she dodges him again. Wincing in pain but he grabs her by the back of her shirt. Hauling back on her and she can feel it rip but then she's pressed against Vane’s front. His sword edge at her neck like she'd had him before.

 

“I wouldn't have to saw. I'd cut it clean off.” He tells her in a harsh whisper and she grinds her teeth. Stomping on his already injured foot, twisting in his grip to drive her fist into his groin. She knows it's a cheap shot but it works. She's free but Vane is holding tight to her shirt when she falls away from him. The material ripping and she feels air on her skin.

 

It takes her a moment to realize as she lays face down in the dirt but when she does she's suddenly enraged. She knows that the world can see her scars. She knows Lexa can see it. She knows that all of those rumors are suddenly very very true for anyone that can see the scars and she rises to her knees. Pure anger flowing through her and she no longer feels the pain in her ribs as she pulls the remainder of her shirt off. The sun meeting her pale skin and scars. The leather binding she wears around her breasts stark against her skin but she's on her feet.

 

The crowd is loud in her ears and the lock she kept on the pit fighter within is broken. She moves to stand over Vane no longer caring about being smart about her fight and simply wanting to win. To end him for forcing her into the sun too soon for her liking. She reaches down and grabs him by his braids. Straddling him, pressing her knees firmly on his arms to stop him from escaping or grabbing her. Grabbing her sword and slamming the metal hilt into his face until he bleeds. His nose shatters beneath it and she can feel a tooth that breaks off as he bleeds. A voice in the back of her mind begs her to stop but she doesn't.

 

All she sees in red. Red that blazes through her veins as blood splatters across her face. Soaking her blonde hair when it manages to land on it and it takes her a moment before she realizes the crowd is dead silent but she doesn't stop. She keeps hitting him and even elbows someone in the face that tries to stop her. She doesn't stop until Lexa is forcibly shoving her off. Forcing herself into Clarke's line of sight and forcing her to focus.

 

“Clarke!” She shouts and Clarke is acutely aware that Lexa has blood on her face for some reason. “Stop!” The commander shouts as Clarke struggles against her. The pit fighter inside says Vane isn't dead and it isn't over until he is but the human says it's time to stop. Lexa grabs her face, forcing her to focus on her. “It's over, you've won Clarke.”

 

“No.” Clarke grunts at her but Lexa isn't letting her go. She's holding onto her tighter and Vane is dragged off the arena grounds. Unconscious and bleeding but Clarke is still there. Lexa pulls a jacket over her bare shoulders.

 

“We need to move you Clarke.” Lexa explains and Clarke nods slowly. Becoming a little more aware, more focused the longer she stares at her and she realizes Lexa is bleeding from her nose.

 

“How?” Clarke blinks at her as she tries to calm down, to slow the pounding of her heart. Letting herself be lead off the grounds to a quieter place. To the building that Dusk calls home.

 

“You hit me,” Lexa finally tells her when they enter a room alone. Clarke still beneath the jacket she realizes is her own. “I tried to get you off of him and you elbowed me in the face.”

 

“Oh Lexa..” Clarke rubs her bloodied hands across her face and leans forward once she's sat in a chair. She can feel the jacket slid off her shoulders but she knows Lexa must have already seen her scars as she stays quiet. “I..”

 

“It's okay, I understand.”

 

“You do?” She looks up in confusion.

 

“Yes, I have met pit fighters before. Many do not have the control that you do and I know yours was broken by Vane. I know he pushed you and it's okay.” She tells her gently and Clarke wonders if she's just saying it in the hopes to make her feel less guilty or to further calm her.

 

“It shouldn't… is he..?”

 

“I believe he will survive and has hopefully learned his lesson.”

 

“I doubt it.”

 

“As do I.” She smiles but Clarke doesn't return it. She feels like she owes Lexa a story now instead. She stands and turns her back to Lexa. Unwrapping the binding slowly, “Clarke.. you don't-”

 

“I do, I think that I've kept this from you for too long.” She cuts her off and the binding unravels itself from around her once it's loose enough. She can feel Lexa's gaze on her back but the commander doesn't move as she studies her. “I exiled myself, ran away into the woods and it is where Alta found me. I stayed with her and Nadira until Nia came for me..” she began and Lexa said nothing as she spoke.

  
  


She listened to her quietly talk about the rebels she killed in the Otta pits. Her fingers smoothing over small scars that dot her shoulders and arms. Skimming over them and the other creatures she battled. Half twisting to show Lexa the scars on her ribs and one that is half hidden by the top of her pants along her hip. She moves to present her back again when she begins to come to the end of her story during her time in Otta. The long jagged scars that cross her back from the top to end near her left hip.

  
  


“It slashed me across the back when I made a mistake. I tried to avoid being bitten but instead got slashed across the back by it's claws. I thought I was going to die but it made a mistake. A fatal mistake and I killed it with the sword they gave me before the fight began. The pit healers bandaged me as best they could before Nia let me leave with Alta. Giving me the sword I have now, “ she gestured to it where it leaned against Lexa's leg. “Look at it.”

  
  


She hears Lexa pull the sword free from it's sheath and she is quiet for several minutes. “Champion of the north.”

  
  


“Yeah..” Lexa sets the sword aside and stands at Clarke's back. She can feel the heat that rolls off of her as she stands so closely. “You can touch them.. if you want to Lexa.”

  
  


“I don't want to hurt you.”

  
  


“You won't.” Clarke glances over her shoulder to find a pained look in her green eyes and she knows that Lexa must be feeling guilty about what she sees. That she will blame herself for letting Clarke get hurt but Clarke doesn't blame her. She blames herself for going with Nia to the north. She blames herself for receiving the scars and she swallows nervously when she feels Lexa's fingers touch the top of her unmarred shoulder before slipping down lower. No one but Nadira and the healers had ever directly touched her back like this. Ontari hadn't even touched them like Lexa is about to and it crumbles even more of the walls that Clarke built within herself. “They only hurt when it gets very cold.” She tries to lighten the mood but it doesn't work.

  
  


“I'm sorry.” Lexa whispers. Her fingers hesitating against her skin before it meets the raised scar but it goes no further as if she's unsure what to do next before they suddenly drop away.

  
  


“Lexa.” Clarke turns to face her and is shocked when she finds green eyes brimming with tears. She was right about Lexa feeling guilty but she didn't expect her to so openly show emotion over it. She didn't expect to witness tears threaten to fall. “It's not your fault.”

  
  


“This wouldn't have happened to you if I hadn't betrayed you Clarke.”

  
  


“And I still don't blame you. It was my decision to go north, not yours. I decided to fight rather than let it kill me when I first came face to face with it. These scars are of my own fault.” She holds an arm over her chest but reaches out with her free hand to touch her. The commander not moving to back away but seeming to lean into her touch. Allowing herself to be pulled into a one armed hug and after a moment Lexa returns it. Her arms loosely hugging around Clarke's waist as if wanting to avoid brushing her hands against the scars. Like if she did that she'd hurt her.

  
  


They remain in the awkward embrace for several minutes until Clarke is pulling back. The material of Lexa's shirt brushing against her bare skin and she turns to rewrap her chest. Surprised when Lexa doesn't leave the room or even turn away. Instead handing her a shirt from somewhere beside her and she tugs it on before facing her again. Her eyes still shining with unshed tears.

  
  


“It's okay Lexa, I'm okay. We're okay.” But she doesn't think Lexa believes her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I've met the standards of the lovely person who suggested the Vane vs Clarke fight. It was fun and I liked doing it.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to do Ontari centric scenes when I'm having a 'oh shit' moment which is usually when the chapter happens to end before I reach at least 5k words.

“Vane told me he tracked Alta here.” Clarke says suddenly. They still stand facing each other and Lexa blinks rapidly. Trying to clear her eyes but she nods. She isn't surprised that Alta is there. An arrow wound wouldn't stop her once she set her mind on something but she isn't sure why she'd come to find them after Clarke told her to stay.

 

“Do you wish to find her?”

 

“Yes.” Clarke immediately left the room without giving Lexa a chance to move but she follows her. Wiping at her eyes as she walks behind Clarke. Taking the stairs just behind her but they stopped when they both heard a familiar voice. Echoing and soft until they step into the throne room. Clarke strode up the middle of the aisle and grabbed the uninjured arm of her mentor. Pulling her to face her but letting her go once she was met with sharp gray eyes.

 

“ _Wanheda appears.”_ Dusk says from his seat on the throne. Fingers curled beneath his chin and a curious smile on his lips. _“Do you know Alta?”_

 

Alta keeps staring at her but she doesn't speak. _“I do know her. She trained me and taught me how to survive.”_

 

“ _So you're her second..”_ Dusk glances at Lexa in thought before he nods. _“Alta is in your armies? She is your ally?”_

 

“ _Yes, Clarke leads the exiles.”_ Lexa tells him. Wondering what it is he intends to do what that information.

 

“ _A second leads an army? That's new.”_ He stands and makes his way to Lexa. _“My father trusted Alta, he needed the land Oneida sits on to be turned into farmland but instead he let her people stay there. I'm not sure what the extent of their agreement was and since he is dead I suspect I will never know. Unless she decides to tell me which I doubt she will as she has barely spoken to me since she walked in here except for demanding to see Clarke.”_

 

“ _Get to the point Dusk.”_ Clarke glares at him and he laughs lightly but nods.

 

“ _Of course wanheda. First I want to know what the agreement is with the exiles that got them to join heda Lexa.”_

 

“ _If they joined the war then they would be forgiven of their crimes and allowed to rejoin their clans should they desire to.”_

 

“ _Even murderers who managed to escape?”_ Lexa is sure that it's a jab at Alta herself but the exile says nothing. She doesn't glare or move but stand still beside Clarke.

 

“ _If they fight, they are free.”_ She repeats a little more clearly for him. Her eyes narrowing, daring him to fight her on it but he nods again.

 

“ _Those who fight will return to their clans you say?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _Then I have a new proposition for Oneida and it's people should heda Lexa win the war.”_ He looks over at Alta and she meets his eye expectantly as if she already knows what it is he wants. _“We all know that if we defy queen Nia and lose that we will all be slaughtered. If we join Nia and she wins then we will still be slaughtered. We will go back to being at war with all of the clans. We will go back to bloodshed over land and trade. I will join you heda Lexa but after the war is over.. and you somehow manage to win. I want Oneida. I want it to become a part of the podakru. I want the land around it to be turned into farmland and I will ask those who remain to either farm it with my people or they can leave.”_

 

Lexa meets Clarke's eye when he finishes because it isn't her decision. She isn't the one who has say over the exiles but Clarke looks to Alta and she suspects it's because she knows that it isn't just her voice that needs to be heard but the exiles themselves as well. After a moment Alta nods in agreement and Clarke meets Dusk eye.

 

“ _You will not force them to leave, it is a choice. If they decide against farming then they can stay if they want to. They can stay and keep on going with their lives among your farmers.”_

 

“ _Reasonable enough..”_ Dusk smiles at her and Lexa feels her insides twist uncomfortably. She reads the uncomfortable look on Clarke's face and she clears her throat to gain his attention to continue. _“The podakru will join you in your war heda Lexa but as the boudalan asked.. I will ask the same.”_

 

“ _No one will know until it is time to attack.”_

 

“ _Good but I suspect it is useless to hide. Queen Nia will know that if we do not join her that we're joining you.”_

 

“ _She is smarter than she appears.”_

 

“ _Sha and I will prepare my armies as I await your call.”_

 

“ _Good.”_

 

Lexa turns to leave but Dusk stops her with a hand on her arm. Drawing it back just as quickly as he'd reached out to touch her. _“The festival does not end for another two days and I think you should stay for the duration of it. You have a hard ride ahead of you to wherever you go next and this an opportunity for you sleep inside walls and in beds instead of the ground. Consider it an invitation for you and your party heda Lexa.”_

 

Lexa glances at Clarke and the blonde sighs quietly before nodding. _“Thank you.. we will stay.”_

 

“ _Good!”_

 

–

 

“ _Sit.”_ Clarke growls at her mentor despite the look she receives. She left her in Polis for a reason. She left her there to heal but instead she travels through enemy infested land with a arrow wound. The bandaging over it tinged red and she knows it's been ripped open. That it needs to be changed and maybe even stitched up to stop it from bleeding more and heal faster.

 

“ _Is something wrong in Polis Alta?”_ Lexa asks as the exile sits on Clarke's bed. Allowing the blonde to pull her shirt to inspect the wound underneath.

 

“ _No heda.”_

 

“ _Then why are you here?”_

 

“ _I overheard someone speaking of your intentions with the podakru.”_ The exiles says to her. Keeping a straight face despite Clarke prodding at her. The blonde scowling and muttering under her breath as she pressed clean cloth into her arm. _“I do not trust him.”_

 

“ _Why?”_

 

“ _He is different from his father. Koven was kind. He allowed us to stay despite the food shortages. He needed that land to keep up with the increase in his people but he gave it to Oneida instead. That boy is not like him. He looked at us with disgust when Koven looked at us with kindness. He saw us as people when Dusk saw us as insects plaguing his father's land.”_

 

“ _I see..”_ Lexa meets Clarke's eye and the blonde looks angry. A fire lit in her blue eyes and she nods at Alta as if to agree with her words. Neither of the two women in front of her trust Dusk but in light of their current predicament Lexa has no choice but to. Without the podakru they are well and truly doomed to fail. Even if the igranrona agreed to fight with them they'd need the podakru.

 

“Lexa.” Clarke says grabbing Alta's hand to press into the wound so she can stand to cross to her leather bag and Lexa knows she's going for her needle. “I know.”

 

“We need alliances Clarke.”

 

“I know and maybe we can trust Dusk to keep an alliance with you to fight Nia.” She pauses as she begins to stitch up the wound in Alta's shoulder as best she can before she continues. “But maybe she has already agreed to give him Oneida. The exiles are already against her there. They are your allies and therefore her enemy.”

 

“ _If the ice queen attacks my home she will pay with more blood than runs beneath her skin.”_ Alta hisses in anger. Her hands balled into fists atop her thighs and Clarke lays a hand on her arm to try and calm her down. Lexa knows the idea of losing Nadira is what pulls that response from her. She must have already known the consequences of her actions should she chose to ally with Lexa but the more it becomes a possible reality. The more she will feel that desperate need to protect. She will want to go home and find her. She will want to keep her as safe as she possibly can.

 

“ _Go home.”_

 

“ _Heda?”_

 

“ _Go home, convince the ones who remained to leave. It isn't safe there.”_

 

“ _It is my duty to stay by your side in this war heda Lexa. My people can protect themselves.”_ Lexa knows she says it out of duty and honor but she knows family must come first. She is Oneida's leader. The people who remain are her family and Lexa won't be the one to stand in the way of that.

 

“ _Go home and get them to safety. Take them to Polis or Hilelia. That is a command.”_ Lexa steels herself over as she speaks. Avoiding meeting Clarke's gaze and Alta nods in understanding. A glimmer of thanks in her eyes before it disappears the moment she looks at Clarke.

 

“ _I must do what I am commanded.”_

 

“ _You must.”_

 

“ _I will return once my people are safe.”_

 

“ _Keep yourself safe as well.”_ Clarke finishes and sets aside her bloody needle to wrap her shoulder again. The blonde strangely quiet and slow as she works but she seems done too soon for her liking and Alta leaves the room fully dressed again. “I don't trust him. I don't like the way he looks at me. He makes me feel like I am less than what I am and I hate it.”

 

Lexa closes the door before speaking. “I saw.. in the throne room.”

 

“And you will still ask for his alliance?”

 

“I need to. I need this alliance if I want to have any hope to win.”

 

“There is no point in an alliance with him if he is already allied to Nia. It will give him a window into what you plan. It will give him the chance to ruin you before the fight has already begun.” She stands up off the bed and shakes her head. Wiping her hands off on a rag from her leather bag.

 

“Clarke-”

 

“But I get it. You need the alliances and you're willing to do whatever it takes to get them.” She is angry and it's evident in the scrunch of her brow and the downward curve of her lips. Her tone sharper than it had been lately and Lexa knows Clarke is right. “And the igranrona? What if they agree to fight for you? Will you give up on the podakru?”

 

“No, we will still need them.”

 

Clarke nods, “I think you should get out now Lexa.”

 

Lexa nods and leaves.

 

–

 

She waits until nightfall to leave her room. Pulling on her jacket as the night air is cooler this far north than it is with the trikru and floukru. Hiding her blonde hair with the usual length of black cloth and tucking it into the collar of her jacket. Grabbing her sword and leather bag before leaving the room. She doesn't know where Lexa is and right now she doesn't really care. She's still angry about how stubborn Lexa was being. Dusk was dangerously leaning towards an enemy and Lexa remained but Clarke was done. She would still fight for her but she wouldn't stay in Castal. She didn't feel safe there and that feeling only grew the longer she stayed within its walls.

 

She remembers Lexa saying that the ingranrona span much of the west and she is sure that if she rides in that general direction that she'll end up on their land. If she rides alone she will maybe look like only a trader or a traveler and no one will bother her. She doesn't know if she'll be able to speak to it's leaders like she hopes but she is willing to try.

 

The stairs down from her room are near silent under her weight but she still has to pass the guards who stand at the front entrance. She doesn't think they'll stop her and she's relieved when they don't. Simply letting her pass without a glance and she hurries through busy streets with drunken gona to the exit. Relieved when no one there stops her either but she skirts the rim of Castal. Whistling as loudly as she can in the hopes her horse will hear her as she walks.

 

“ _What are you doing wanheda?”_ A voice asks as the speaker appears as if out of thin air. The exile she doesn't know the name of standing before her. Light red hair filled with moonlight as she stands there and Clarke is sure her gray eyes are the same shade as the moon above them. _“Heda will miss you.”_

 

“ _Heda will survive..”_ She trails off because she doesn't know her name. _“And call me Clarke.”_

 

“ _Mars.”_ The exile walks away but returns leading Clarke's horse as well as her own. Both saddled and Clarke's horse carrying the things she'd hidden. _“Heda will be angry if I let you leave on your own to wherever it is you ride for.”_

 

“ _And she will get over it. I don't need a guard.”_

 

“ _I choose not to follow as a guard but as an ally.”_ Mars tells her and mounts her horse. One whose head and legs are redder than her hair but his back mostly white. _“If you will have me of course.”_

 

“ _Sha.. did Alta send you to do this?”_

 

“ _Alta is not my leader.”_

 

“ _But she trusted you enough to ask you to follow heda and I?”_

 

“ _More like mutual respect.”_

 

“ _What do you mean?”_

 

Mars falls silent and rides west. After a moment Clarke decides to follow her. Hoping she will lead her to the igranrona like she thinks she will.

 

–

 

Lexa breathes in the cool air of the quiet dawn, Castal around her sleeping but she can't anymore. The sun barely peeking above the rim of the earth above her. She can hear the wind through the trees but she can't feel it. She's too deep in the pit for it to reach her but she looks up when Luna sits down next to her. The leader's eyes still filled with sleep as she yawns, leaning back against the same wall Lexa leans against.

 

“Good morning Luna.”

 

“Good morning heda.”

 

“How is Vane?”

 

“He will survive.. with a few more face scars and a broken tooth though.” She's silent for a heartbeat and frowns. “She nearly killed him.”

 

“And he deserved it. You know how he is.”

 

“You watched? You let it happen?”

 

“I stopped her before she could kill him but maybe I shouldn't have.” Yet she knows if she didn't that Clarke would feel guilt. That she'd hate herself for doing it. “He pushed her. He forced her into that position and she did what she did because of it. What happened isn't her fault.. it's his.”

 

Luna blinks at her and frowns. “You care for her too much to see this as I do. She is dangerous. She snapped in that arena and nearly killed him. She could have killed Anne too back in Hilelia. She-”

 

Lexa shakes her head, “she isn't dangerous. She is the least dangerous pit fighter I've ever met!”

 

“And how many pit fighters do you even know Lexa? How many have survived the pits just to leave them and be able to function in the clans as a normal gona? There is a reason why the podakru do not allow death as a way to finish a fight in their arena. There is a reason why the azgeda allow so few pit fighters to leave and I bet that is why Nia allowed Clarke to leave in the first place. She wanted her to find you and kill you because she knows that pit fighters have little to no self control once they break.”

 

“She isn't like the rest of them Luna.”

 

“Lexa! Use your head!” She grips her shoulder tightly. “She is dangerous... you need to-”

 

“I trust her. I have seen her fight in the battle of Polis. I have seen her fight the trishanakru and yes she will do whatever it takes to survive. She'll kill whoever stands in her way if they put her life at risk just like any other gona in our armies. There is no difference between her and a warrior trained.”

 

“And what if she snaps again? What if she snaps and you're the only one in her path? Will you let her kill you or will you be the one killing her? Because that's the only way anyone gets out of that fight alive.”

 

“Like I said Luna. I trust her.”

 

“And you're a fool for it.” Luna shakes her head but pulls Lexa in for a hug. “If Anya were here she'd hit you but she isn't and I am not dumb enough to provoke the beast that walks beside you.” She murmurs into her ear and Lexa sighs but returns the hug. “And maybe Clarke won't ever snap on you.. maybe death has decided that you are someone she needs to keep alive.”

 

“I trust her.”

 

“So you've said,” Luna pulls back and pats Lexa's cheek. Resuming her relaxed position beside Lexa. “Where is she anyway? I have not seen her and I heard whispers that two people left the city last night.”

 

“Whispers?”

 

“The guards were talking about it in the streets. One left and another followed. They searched the surrounding woods but found nothing.”

 

“She may still be sleeping.” But she knows she's wrong and she feels a prick of worry in her heart.

 

“In the time I have spent near her I have learned that she does not sleep in. Kind of like you in a way.” Luna pokes her arm and Lexa frowns because she is right. She stands and Luna follows her. Hurriedly making her way to Clarke's room but she doesn't bother knocking on the door when she reaches the room. Opening the door but finding it empty and cold. The blonde's leather bag missing as well as her sword and she jerks her head to look back at Luna.

 

“She's gone.”

 

“What did you do?”

 

“I..” Lexa pauses because she knows what she did. She upset her because she chose to continue fighting for an alliance with a sure fire enemy. “I've made a mistake is what I've done.”

 

“Good job Lexa, you pissed off death.” Luna says rather loudly as guards approach them. The men peering at them through their masks and they part for Dusk to pass between them. “ _Dusk._ ” She says quietly looking at him.

 

“ _Luna.. heda Lexa. It appears your ally has left you. Death rode away into the night and it makes an alliance with you look like a terrible decision..”_ he hums and shrugs. _“Take them to the cells. Queen Nia will want her.”_

 

“ _What?!”_ Luna lunges to put herself between Lexa and the guards that move to take her. “Run Lexa! Get out of the city!” Luna shouts. Shoving her into Clarke's room and she follows her in. Slamming the door behind her and throwing her full weight into it. “Through the window. I'll catch up to you outside of Castal.”

 

“Luna-”

 

“No Lexa, you have to go! There is no time for a speech!”

 

“I wasn't-!” She shakes her head and begins to climb out of the window. “Find me.”

 

“Always heda.” Luna grunts when someone charges the door and Lexa slips out. Dropping to the ground as quietly and carefully as she could before darting off through quiet streets. Running as fast as she could but she came to a halt when podakru gona stepped out in front of her. Beginning to chase after her and she darted down a side street. Jumping over a tipped over barrel in the street and running through an open door of someone's home. The owner yelling for her to get out as she ran out the back door and into another alley as quiet as the one before.

 

She ran hard for the street and bolted for the city gates. The guards that always stood there not facing her until someone shouted behind her and they turned. Aiming their spears for her and she gritted her teeth. Dropping to slide against the dirt beneath their spear tips and jumping up once she was past. She ran harder to escape them. Thanking the gods the podakru were poor spears throwers as one of the spears the guards held impeded itself in the earth beside her before she could race into the treeline. Running until she spotted a tree she could easily climb to wait until nightfall.

 

–

 

It grows hotter the further west they ride and Mars eventually strips out of her hooded jacket. Lying it across the back of her horse and Clarke studies the tattoos that trail up the back of her arms. They aren't like any she's seen before and they interest her. Spheres that remind her of Lexa's own ranging in different sizes beginning from the back of her hand up the curve of her arm to where they disappear beneath her shirt. Some colored, some gray, others simply black and white.

 

“ _That's an interesting tattoo.”_

 

“ _It took quite a bit of time to complete.”_

 

“ _I'd imagine so.. what does it mean? The spheres.. I've seen some like that on someone else.”_

 

She remains quiet a moment as if considering to answer but then she nods. _“When I was exiled I headed northeast. I went for the deadzone because I knew I could disappear there and no one would ever find me. Once I was there I wandered for days. Living off other exiled when I could but one day I walked further than I had ever gone. I saw things standing up out of the sand and I walked past them when I saw more and more. I walked until I could no more. I thought I was going to die out there but then the ground beneath me suddenly fell and I fell with it. I had thought the ground beneath me was nothing but sand and earth but I was wrong. A great city sits buried beneath the sand and when I fell I landed on a street. Stone like some of the streets in Polis but there was a building there. A building filled with books and the first one I opened had these symbols inside.”_ She points to one of the spheres on the back of her right hand. _“It was full of images and words that I didn't understand but I took it back to the surface with me.”_

 

“ _How did you get out?”_

 

“ _I found a tunnel that lead up and out.”_ She indicated with her hands sweeping upward to the sky. _“I was very lucky. I could have died down there but the gods spared me and I returned to the living. To Oneida where I met Alta who was also spared.”_

 

“ _Do you still have the book?”_

 

“ _Sha. In Oneida.”_

 

“ _I see..”_ The more she studies her tattoos. The more it dawns on her that they are planets. They are the solar system. Major planets and their moons. This exile is a walking simple solar system. Everything about her points to something celestial. From her hair, eyes, name and even her horse. Maybe she herself is a human version of whatever gods the grounders believed in. _“Mars.”_

 

“ _Yes?”_

 

“ _Your name, Mars.. it is the name of a planet in the sky above. It was also a god of war in ancient Rome.”_ She explains and Mars is looking at her with intense interest. Following her with her eyes when Clarke rides closer to her. Scanning her and twisting her arm until she finds what it is she's looking for. _“Mars.”_ She points at the reddish planet on her arm. _“This is Mars.”_

 

“ _I am Mars.”_

 

“ _But this is Mars too.”_ She explains and after a moment Mars nods but she isn't sure if she believes or not. They fall silent as they ride and when they approach a village. Mars doesn't direct them away from it. She rides straight into it and people watch them. Gona look up at them with interest but children keep on playing.

 

“ _Wanheda?”_ An older man says suddenly and he stands up off the log he sat on as she tensed but Mars slowed to a stop. Signaling Clarke to do the same. _“You are Wanheda.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _It is an honor to meet you wanheda.”_ The old gona bows his head at her as does the woman beside him before he looks back up at her. He seems genuinely in awe of her but she worries what it will mean if someone else hears that she is riding west. _“The podakru may be at war with heda Lexa but you will find friends here.”_

 

“ _War? The podakru didn't agree to the alliance?”_

 

“ _No. A rider came before dawn. Ordering us to send our strongest warriors to Castal and prepare for war.”_ He explains and Clarke looks at Mars. If the podakru declared war on Lexa then Lexa was in danger in Castal and worry thunders through her chest at the thought.

 

“ _We have to go back.”_ She looks back down at the man, _“I'm sorry but we have to go.”_ She turns her horse around to ride back the way they'd come.

 

“ _Go wanheda!”_ He calls out as she rides away.

 

She pushes her horse as fast as he can go and she doesn't look to see if Mars is behind her. The idea that Lexa could be captured, hurt or even dead clouds her mind. It's the last thing she ever thought she'd have to worry about today and she hopes Lexa managed to escape.

 

–

 

She dozes pressed against the tree trunk but she opens her eyes when she hears a horse hoof snap a twig. Quiet whispers meet her ears when she begins to scan the ground below her and she presses herself tighter against the tree when she realizes they are podakru gona. Three warriors riding horses with spears in their hands and eyes scanning the trees.

 

“ _We captured the floukru leader.. shouldn't she be enough for queen Nia?”_ One says with his eyes searching Lexa's tree.

 

“ _No. She wants Lexa. She will kill Luna but her death won't end the war, Lexa's will.”_ He laughs softly, _“we find Lexa. Deliver her to queen Nia and we'll be gods among men until our deaths.”_

 

“ _Heda Lexa is trikru. Do you really expect to find her in a forest?”_ The third man scoffs, _“we could be riding beneath her right now and we'd never know. The trikru learn to become one with the trees at birth. You know that Van.”_

 

“ _The trikru are no match for a good poda gona.”_

 

“ _Perhaps not but first you must find them you fool!”_ He raises his voice, _“bran-”_ the word is cut off by a grunt of pain and Lexa peers down at him cautiously. Watching him fall off the back of his horse with a arrow in his back. The other gona turning their horses to face the attacker but not before another received an arrow to the chest.

 

“ _Death!”_ He shouts loudly and it rings through the trees before a third arrow lodges itself through his neck and he falls backwards off his horse. Lexa remains hidden. Listening to hurried footsteps that are near soundless against the leaves underneath them.

 

“ _They're searching for her.. she didn't get captured.”_ She recognizes the voice and immediately begins to climb down. Dropping to the ground carefully behind Clarke as the blonde kneels to pull her arrow free from the chest of a dead man.

 

“Clarke.”

 

She stands and spins, blinking at her in surprise. “Lexa.”

 

“You left.”

 

“I came back when I heard the podakru declared war.”

 

“Heard?”

 

“ _Villagers heda.”_ The exile tells her. Pulling an arrow from the back of a gona then handing it over to Clarke before pulling the last from the man's neck. _“They told us and Clarke came racing back to find you.”_ She mutters.

 

“ _Mars.”_ Clarke warns.

 

The exile shrugs, _“it's the truth.”_

 

“They have Luna and possibly the other exiles as well.”

 

“ _Brand and Ax?”_ Mars asks and Lexa nods. _“Give Brand fire and he will burn Castal to the ground. Give Ax her axes and she will cut down any who stand in her path.”_

 

“ _And what do you do?”_

 

“ _War it seems.”_ She glances at Clarke and shrugs. _“We can get into Castal if we climb down from the lip. Some buildings reach tall enough for us to drop and not get hurt when we land.”_

 

“ _How do you know?”_

 

“ _I tried it.”_

 

“ _What were you exiled for again?”_

 

“ _Nothing that is your business heda.”_ The exile glares at her and Lexa nods in understanding. It isn't something she wants to talk about. It's something she's done that she may feel she'll never be forgiven for and because of that she won't talk about it. _“We go tonight. They'll most likely be kept near the arena, it is where the cells should be.”_

 

“ _And you know this how?”_

 

“ _I searched Castal while it slept. Learned the layout.”_

 

“ _Whoever exiled you made a terrible mistake..”_ Clarke murmurs cleaning the blood off her arrows before dropping them into her quiver at her back. _“Let's find a place to wait until the moon rises. Somewhere away from these dead bodies.”_

 

“ _Sha Clarke.”_ Lexa breathes out a sigh of relief when the blonde doesn't look at her with fire in her eyes as she did before. Her eyes seemingly filled with equal relief at finding Lexa alive.

 

–

 

Sleepy eyes blink open slowly and the room around her comes into focus the longer she lays there. Her body sore and demanding more sleep but the face that pops up demands she stay awake. Dark brown eyes and long brunette hair no longer in it's usual ponytail that she'd gotten used to but free on her shoulders. Dressed in floukru clothing rather than the sky people but her usual red jacket pulled on over the black shirt she wore.

 

“Good to see you're finally awake.” Raven speaks rather loudly and her words hammer through Ontari's skull. Causing her to wince and she silently curses herself for letting Max talk her into drinking the night before.

 

“Why are you here? How did you even get in.. the door is..” she glances at the doorway. The door open and fresh air wafting in. “Was locked.”

 

“No door is going to stop me Ontari.” Raven smirks and sits in a chair near her bed. Hand resting on top of her leg encased in a brace. “Now get your ass up and ready.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I need to go to Polis and you're going to take me.”

 

“Why Polis?”

 

“Because I'm finished here. Derrick told me that Polis has no power whatsoever and I intend to change that but I need someone to take me. Someone like you.”

 

“I was commanded to stay in Hilelia.”

 

“You were commanded to watch over the Arcadians and I am one of them. I who intend to leave Hilelia and it's your job to watch over me. Which means take me to Polis or I'm telling the commander you failed her.”

 

“You're finished here?” She recalls Raven working on getting power and light to the section of city that Luna had given the Arcadians. A job that would have taken the floukru a long time to complete but Raven seems to have done it in days.

 

“Yes. Now get up and get ready. Maybe bathe too because you smell all kinds of fucked up.”

 

Ontari rolls her eyes but gets up. Rolling her shoulders and stretching under Raven's curious gaze. Wondering if she will stay in her room until she returns and when the girl lifts her legs to rest them on her bed she knows she will. Even Zero sprawls out beneath a table in the corner to nap.

 

“Okay then.. When heda Lexa gets angry with me over leaving Hilelia then it's your problem to deal with.”

 

She smirks, “I'd like to see her try and get pissed at me.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At first I had half a mind to have Dusk agree to an alliance and stick with it but then I decided that his character is too creepy to keep that permanent. I'm not sure how he ended up that way as in my notes he's just a kid who has a crush on Clarke.
> 
> Also, Ontari x Raven anyone?


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some scenes I'm iffy about and not because they've got references. I will always take any open opportunity to reference 1996's Twister.

“Here Lexa,” Clarke holds out her sheathed sword to the commander. She knows she only has her dagger but she'll need more than that in case they get caught and have to fight their way out. There are enough weapons on Clarke's own body to not exactly need it right now. Her bow, knife and her body will be enough to protect her. “Since yours is probably in the city.”

 

“Are you sure?” She asks quietly as they follow Mars around the edge of the city. The exile searching for a drop down in the darkness that she knew to be there.

 

“Yes. You need more than your dagger.”

 

“But you..” she pauses a moment to think it over, “never mind, thank you.” She takes the sword and slips it over her shoulder. Letting it lie diagonally across her back and Clarke feels strange as she takes in Lexa with her sword. She feels warm and she has to pull at the collar of her jacket in the hopes to cool off but then Mars is looking at them.

 

“ _If you're done.. this is the drop down.”_

 

“ _We were just talking.”_

 

“ _Then why is your face red Clarke kom skaikru?”_ Her tone is teasing but Clarke glares at her. Motioning for her to move rather than speak and allows Lexa to go in front of her. If her face really is red then she doesn't want to give Lexa a chance to see. She peers down as Lexa begins to descend. Her arms above the stone lip before she suddenly drops. A metallic thud sound out seconds after and Mars cursing quietly but Clarke is following Lexa down. Surprised when she feels a hand touch her calf as if to guide her down the further she goes until she lands quietly on a narrow ledge.

 

“We won't go down the same way Mars did. She was too loud.” She whispers into Clarke's ear and she nods in agreement. Turning to watch Lexa climb down and bathed in moonlight. Her thin figure disappearing into the shadows of another building before Clarke began to follow. Climbing down quietly until she dropped into the alley next to Lexa. The darkness too much for her to make out her face but able to just find her body. “Let's go find her.”

 

“Right.” Clarke led the way. Ducking low to stay hidden and skirting torchlight before they stepped out into the empty circle that was the arena. The edge lined with wood trampled on and flashes of memory swam through her mind of the fight but she shook her head when Mars hurried up to them.

 

“ _Where did you go?”_

 

“ _Climbed down differently. You aren't the quietest gona I've met.”_ Lexa tells her and Mars huffs.

 

“ _I was born in the mountains. Stealth was not a trait of my people.”_

 

“ _Ouskejon?”_ Lexa asks as the exile leads them to a tunnel leading into the wall of the rock but Mars doesn't respond. Instead leading them down into the darkness but she paused in the light of a torch at a bend in the tunnel.

 

“ _We will fight.”_

 

“ _More than likely.”_ Clarke sighs and peers around the corner, finding guards sitting at a small table with a set of dice then retreats. Looking up at Lexa before pulling her bow over her shoulder and pulling three arrows from her quiver. “They will die.”

 

“We're at war.”

 

“ _Just do it.”_ Mars hisses when Clarke slides low to the ground. Nocking an arrow but holding the other two in her hand against the grip as she drew back. Turning her body to aim around the corner and let loose. The first arrow impeding itself between a guard's ribs and she prepared another arrow as the other gona turned to face her. Letting it fly but hitting one in the shoulder as she nocked the last. Hitting the last man square in the chest before he reached her. The man with the arrow in his shoulder ripped it out before Mars reached him. _“Seems death doesn't have the best aim.”_

 

“ _Care to test that? I've still got arrows.”_

 

“ _Save it for after we get out of here.”_ Lexa murmurs. Pulling Clarke's arrows from the gona and handing them over to her.

 

“If I must.” She cleans them on her pants but keeps them in her hand as they continue down the tunnel. Their boots meeting water before the path begins to ascend. Curving until the smell of fresh air hits them and Mars slows.

 

“ _I do not know what we will find.”_

 

“ _More of Castal I'd imagine.”_ Lexa drops low as she heads upward. Kneeling in the dirt at the mouth of the cave and Clarke follows her. Hovering over her shoulder as they scan the clearing. The cells in Castal were different than Otta. Above ground and left in the open to the elements in nearly perfect rows. The cages larger than she expected. Enough space for two or three people but the captured exiles and Luna were all kept in separate cages in a single row. Guarded by more gona than in the tunnel. “I don't think your arrows will do us much good here Clarke.”

 

“May have to agree with you there but we have survived against worse.” She begins to move forward but Lexa grabs her arm. Pulling her back to look at her. “What-”

 

“I was wrong and I made a mistake.”

 

“Now isn't the time for this Lexa.”

 

“I'm sorry that I did not value your words as I should have. I will not make the same mistake twice.” She let's her go and turns her head to look at the gona who mill about in the moonlight. “We are all good fighters.. if we attack from different sides we can-” She's cut off by Clarke kissing her forehead. Throwing her mind off of the plan and onto the feel of Clarke's lips against her skin, warm and gentle. She blinks and tries to continue. “Can.. uh.”

 

“We've got it Lexa. Don't worry.” Clarke darts off following the edge of the clearing as Mars takes off for the opposite side but Lexa is still frozen. Only breaking free of her trance when she realizes Clarke is moving for a gona's back. Her knife drawn and Lexa stands. Drawing Clarke's sword free and edging forward but pausing to wait for Mars to reach her own target before she gives the signal to strike.

 

Clarke grabs the collar of the man's collar and plunges her knife into his back. Thanking her mother's desire to teach her locations of important organs in a person's body. She knows she's just punctured a kidney, twisting her knife harshly before withdrawing and she knows that he'll bleed out before he can try to attack her. The attack alerts the other guards near her but she dodges the sword that slashes for her stomach. Grabbing his wrist and slashing his neck. Taking his sword from him to defend herself against her next attacker. Firmly planting her foot in his stomach to push him backward and slashing at the unguarded portion of his chest. Blood spilling out but she's darting across the clearing to Lexa. Plunging her stolen sword through the woman's back that attacks the commander but she leaves it in her as she falls.

 

“I had her.”

 

“I had fewer than you.” Clarke tells her. Scanning her for blood but finding her clean. Only her sword bloodied and she looks over at Mars when she approaches. Her face painted red with a smile but the exile's attention is drawn away when her name is called. Brand shouting at her from his cage and she runs over to him. Dropping to her knees and thrusting her hands between the bars to cradle his face. Murmuring quietly to him like he'd done her when she'd been taken.

 

“Let's set them free and get out of here.”

 

“Right.” Lexa crosses to Luna's cage and breaks the lock with Clarke's sword. Silently thanking the azgeda blacksmith's for forging the weapon strong enough to do so. The door swinging open and Luna crawling out. Immediately grabbing Lexa's arm to steady herself. _“Are you okay?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _What happened?”_

 

“ _They broke into the room and pinned me to the floor. Knocked me out and when I woke up I was in this cage like some kind of animal.”_ She grunts, throwing Clarke a glare when the blonde takes her sword from Lexa's hand to free Ax and Brand. _“She came back for you.”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _She is either a fool or cares for you as well.”_

 

“ _I can't imagine either being the case.”_

 

“ _Branwada.”_ Luna presses her fingers against the side of her head and hisses in pain but her fingers are clean when she draws them back. _“Now how do you plan to get us out of here heda Lexa?”_

 

“ _That is Mars' job.”_ She looks over at the exile where she stands staring up at the rim of the hole. _“Ouskejon I am sure of it.”_

 

“ _Would it be so bad if she was?”_

 

“ _No.”_ Lexa follows Clarke to where she stands beside Mars. The exile nocking an arrow with a rope she'd taken from nearby tied to it and taking aim for the rim above them. “Is that how you plan to get us out?”

 

“Yes.” Clarke answers for the exile, “I'm a bit skeptical too.”

 

“ _Only wanheda may have trouble climbing.”_

 

“ _What is that supposed to mean?”_ The blonde narrows her eyes at her but the warrior merely glances at her. Eyes traveling down to her chest before she looks back up and releasing the arrow. The pile of rope at their feet rapidly following and they can just make out the quiet thud of an arrow hitting a tree.

 

“ _Nothing.”_

 

Clarke glares at her as the woman pulls on the rope where it lies against the stone wall. Throwing her full weight into it but she doesn't climb as she motions Ax over. Directing her to climb first and secure the rope better but Lexa is looking at Clarke.

 

“Ignore her Clarke, I'm sure you're a great climber.”

 

“She means my boobs Lexa. I have big boobs and she's saying that I may be too top heavy to climb without breaking the rope.” She explains, the commander suddenly understanding and frowning at Mars. “I'd kill her if we didn't need her right now.”

 

“ _As if you could wanheda.”_

 

“ _I still owe you an arrow to the knee, don't tempt me now.”_

 

“ _And you would surely miss.”_

 

–

 

Raven sits uncharacteristically quiet in the saddle of her borrowed horse. A pained look written plainly on her face but Ontari knows there is nothing she can do to ease her pain. She isn't a healer. She doesn't know what herbs would help her. She only knows flowers and right now flowers probably wouldn't help her. Getting to Polis as quickly as they can will help her and Ontari sets the pace quickly before the pained look on her face seemed to deepen. She bites her bottom lip in thought before guiding her horse closer to Raven's.

 

“Tell me about your home in the sky?”

 

“It's not an interesting story.” She grumbles irritably and Ontari sighs. Trying to think of something else.

 

“Tell me about the sky.”

 

“What about it? It exists. It's above us. It used to be filled with satellites that functioned. There used to be planes that flew through the sky to take people places. People even went up in planes to put us on the Ark. It's expansive and huge. It stretches beyond what the naked eye can witness. There are planets and solar systems that number far beyond what the human mind can comprehend.”

 

“What are planets made of?” She asks because she doesn't know what it is. She barely understands anything that Raven tells her but she listens intently.

 

“I..” she sighs, “it varies. Some are made of rock and metals. Some are made up of gases that are merely trapped. Some are made of ice, like Pluto for instance. It's so cold out in space that it's made up of ice.” Her words become less tense and she seems to relax in her seat.

 

“Pluto? The planets are named?”

 

“Yes. Pluto is the ninth planet.. although for a long time scientists decided to classify it as a dwarf planet. Kind of pissed off the world too but there are eight other planets, Neptune, Uranus, Saturn, Jupiter, Mars, Earth, Venus and Mercury. We live on Earth.”

 

“I see.. why were people angry about Pluto?”

 

“Many people grew up learning that Pluto was the ninth planet. Guess they didn't like the change but when I was born it was the ninth planet again.”

 

“And it is still the ninth planet now.”

 

“Right. Although I guess the celestial bodies don't mean much to the world anymore.”

 

“I cannot imagine heda Lexa wanting a.. plane.. to go up into the sky.”

 

Raven smiles, “neither can I.”

 

“Tell me more?”

 

“What about?”

 

“Anything.”

 

“Well..” she hums in thought but she freezes when a twig snaps to their left. “Ontari?” Fear coats the name and she's scanning the forest.

 

“Hush.” Ontari motions for her to keep riding but she hops off her horse's back. Darting into the woods to follow the sound with a dagger drawn. She can just make out the sound of Raven's horse through the trees but she twists when a fist comes flying for her face from behind a tree. The attacker darting towards the path and Raven but Ontari ran hard to catch him before he reached her. The small man stepping out onto the path but Ontari grabbed him by the back of his fur armor. Slitting his throat and she felt Raven's eyes on her. A flicker of fear before she blinked it away, stopping her horse and turning back to Ontari. “A spy I think.”

 

“You think?”

 

“Sha.. yes.” She corrects herself. Looking through the man's things but finding nothing before she drags him off the path by his feet. “Perhaps looking to get into Polis then take back information to Nia.”

 

“She's the ice queen right? The one who started the grounder civil war?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And your mother.”

 

“Sadly.”

 

“I heard stories about you. Quite a few when I went to that bar in Hilelia. They said you are her daughter but that you led a rebellion against her. Got captured by the mountain. Freed by Clarke but you ended up staying with Lexa. Then something about seducing her with your azgeda ways then leaving her to seduce Clarke with your azgeda ways as well.”

 

“Seduce?”

 

“Get them to have sex with you.”

 

“Oh, I did not seduce them then.”

 

“So it's true.”

 

“Yes but I did not seduce them. I did what Lexa required of me and as for Clarke.. I-”

 

“You fell in love with her.” Raven cuts her off and Ontari nods.

 

“I guess so.” She climbs back onto her horse and leads the way.

 

“Everyone loves her at some point. It's hard not to. I mean.. come on, have you seen her!? Especially when she's all grounder. She's harder and darker now but it works for her. Shit, even I'd bang her and I'm not much into blondes. Prefer brunette's.” She smirks when Ontari glances back at her but she has to agree about Clarke. She didn't know what she looked like before but as Ontari knew her she was beautiful. “Her boobs look great in grounder clothes. Not that they didn't in what she came to earth in but.. man. That good earth cleavage.”

 

Ontari smiles and turns to face forward again, “I agree.”

 

–

 

Luna's staring at her. More out of fear than respect and Clarke wonders what she's done to make the floukru leader fear her. She won't complain as it's different from the usual looks she gets. The ones filled with awe or disbelief because she's wanheda to them or disbelieve that she's the one who fought in the pits and survived. Eventually the leader quits looking at her to stare at Lexa. Eyes trained on Clarke's sword over her shoulder.

 

“My sword is still in there.” Lexa says the moment they are back outside of it's walls. Standing at the lip and overlooking the city in the growing dawn.

 

“Leave it Lexa. It's too dangerous to go back in there.”

 

“But it's my sword..” she sighs sadly and Clarke rolls her eyes. “Forged it myself. Became heda with it.” She looks over at Clarke. “I will miss it.”

 

“We'll get you a new one.”

 

“Yeah but it won't be that one.”

 

“It's just a sword Lexa.”

 

“It's my sword.” She insist and Clarke sighs, “if you lost your sword would you not be upset about it?”

 

“That sword was given to me by Nia. It's meant to mock me but I kept it because it was the only weapon I had. So no, I wouldn't be upset.” She lies because in the times she's been apart from it she's wanted it back. Lexa stares at her and shakes her head as if she reads through the lie Clarke tells her. “Fine.. maybe I would miss it.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

“ _It's just a sword!”_ Brand exclaims. _“You can forge a new one. You can pick up a new one. You can buy a new one.”_

 

“ _And you don't even use swords. You prefer fire.”_ Lexa tells him and the man nods. _“If you were away from fire too long you'd be sad about it.”_

 

“ _Sha..”_ he murmurs.

 

“ _Okay then, it's settled I'm going for my sword.”_

 

“No.” Clarke tells her firmly. “You're not going back into that city for a sword.”

 

“You just agreed that you'd miss yours.”

 

“Yes but I wouldn't risk my life for it. I already did that once and it was enough.” Lexa looks back out over the city longingly and Clarke decides to try to come to a compromise with her. “We'll come back for it. When they aren't searching for us.. in the mean time. Keep my sword, I'll be fine with just a bow.”

 

It seems to calm Lexa and she nods. “What about Vane? He is still in the city.”

 

“I had him moved out the night Clarke decided to disappear. He should be half way to Hilelia by now. The gona moving him won't know about what's happened until they return to their city. They still believe Dusk is deciding to ally or not.” Luna explains, “but I'm going back to find them. I need to make sure Vane gets home without any trouble.”

 

“Go, find your horse and go.” Lexa tells her and Luna nods. Straightening up from her spot against a tree and breaking into a run as she disappears. “We will continue for the igranrona.”

 

“Are you sure that's a good idea Lexa?”

 

“No but we've got to try.” She looks at the two horses that stand nearby. “We'll need to find our other horses as well. It will take too long to walk.”

 

“ _I found those two at a pond. The others may be nearby.”_ Mars walks to her horse and climbs on. Disappearing into the woods without another word. Leaving Brand, Ax, Lexa and Clarke alone but Lexa crosses to Clarke's horse. Taking him by the rope reins and leading him into the woods after Mars.

 

“We cannot wait here. They will search around the city first.” She explains but the others follow regardless. Following her into the shadowy darkness but they all stop when they come to the pond. Indeed finding their horses except for Luna's but Lexa's stands nearly in the middle of the pond. The water nearly to his chest. “As I should have expected.”

 

“He does that a lot?”

 

“Any chance he gets.” She sighs because she knows he won't come out unless he is pulled out. “I will get him.”

 

“Take my horse so you don't get wet.” Lexa nods and climbs on. Guiding the horse into the pond but Clarke looks over at Mars when the exile lets out a soft laugh. _“What's so funny?”_

 

“ _Nothing wanheda.”_ Lexa returns with a drenched horse and a frown. Shifting to climb off of Clarke's horse but Clarke stops her.

 

“Stay.”

 

“What?” Lexa watches the blonde climb onto her horse to ride bareback.

 

“Until we get our things.” She explains and Lexa nods. Swallowing back the things she feels when she looks at Clarke sitting on her horse. Her fingers twisted in it's mane to act as terrible reins but she guides him with her knees as they ride for their things still hidden in the trees. They don't linger as the sun is already rising higher and higher. Lexa pushing them into a quicker pace to leave behind the borders of Castal.

 

The sun is warm above them when they cross into delfikru territory. The trees around them thinning out the further they ride until they cross more fields than they do shady patches of trees.

 

“Village,” Lexa says quietly and Clarke hums in response. Hiding her hair as Lexa gestures for the exiles to conceal themselves as well before they begin to skirt the village. Not bothering to ride for it's borders as they all know it would be suspicious but once they are far enough away Lexa relaxes in her saddle. Clarke beside her keeping her hair hidden as she smooths her fingers over her horse's mane. Braiding small patterns into it and Lexa glances at her every so often.

 

“I'm going to guess that the igranrona territory is all plains.” She says suddenly and Lexa nods. “How do they build their homes? Do they use material left over from destroyed cities?”

 

“Villages that don't sit near cities don't but in the capitol they repaired buildings with either imported wood or mud bricks. Villages away from cities use mud bricks primarily and metal that was taken from the old world. Metal roof to keep them dry but they also live underground.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Storms. The plains suffer from wind storms and great swirling masses of wind.”

 

“Tornadoes.”

 

“What?”

 

“They are called tornadoes Lexa. They are big and loud, destroy anything they come into contact with.. tornadoes. I learned about them on the Ark, saw a few movies where they were the main focus of the story.”

 

“Movie?”

 

“Moving pictures.”

 

“Oh.” She still doesn't understand exactly but she nods anyway. Listening to Clarke talk about a movie with a woman and a man where they had to tie themselves to metal pipes to avoid being sucked into a tornado. It confuses her but she lets Clarke tell her story. Enjoying the excited sound of her voice as she moved on to something else in the movie and she talks for several minutes as they ride. Crossing into another patch of trees that shift above them in the breeze.

 

“And there's all these little twisters around them and the lady in the back is talking on a phone but she stops when a cow flies in front of them. It was a terrible looking cow too but this movie was from 1996. The lead actress says 'cow' and the lady in the back says 'I gotta go, we got cows' then the lead says 'another cow' when another one flies by but the male lead says 'actually I think that was the same one'.” She pauses and smiles but the smile isn't directed at Lexa before it fades on her lips. “It was always my dads favorite part.” She says quietly.

 

“It sounds very..”

 

“Strange? Sorry. I forget you were born on the ground.”

 

“I was going to say entertaining.” Lexa offers her a comforting smile but Clarke simply nods. “Tell me more?”

 

“About what?”

 

“Your dad.. or the moving pictures, or anything. Whatever you'd like. It's very interesting.”

 

“Are you sure? I don't want to bore you.”

 

“I'm sure Clarke.”

 

She seems to brighten up and nods. “Okay then.. my dad.. he liked sports. He liked watching old videos from before the war. Made it a weekly thing even, right after work he'd come home and we'd all sit down to watch. Me, mom and him.” She begins and Lexa listens intently. Learning things about Clarke and her family. Laughing when Clarke does but not because she knows she should but because it really does make her laugh. She learns that she loves the sound of Clarke's laughter and wants to be the reason she laughs. She smiles when Clarke begins to move her hands excitedly. Emphasizing her words and explanations as best she can for Lexa. There are many things she doesn't understand but she doesn't mind it. “He read a lot too. I think he read everything on the Ark that he could get his hands on. Even manuals for the different machines and processes we had up there.” She smiles sadly and shakes her head.

 

“He sounds amazing Clarke.”

 

“Too bad he's dead.”

 

“I..” she begins but she stops herself when she looks up. Not realizing just how far they'd come. The sun already set beyond the horizon line before them as fields stretch out. “We should stop for the night.”

 

“Yeah.. we should.” Clarke agrees and Lexa signals to the ones behind them to ride closer.

 

“ _No fire and you take first watch.”_ She tells Brand and he frowns at her but nods. “We'll start again before dawn,” she tells Clarke as she pulls the deerskin saddle from her horse's back. Setting her sword within reach as she lays in the thick grass. Clarke mirrors her, laying beside her. Just out of reach and the group around them begin to fall asleep as they settle. “Good night Clarke.” She says quietly.

 

“Good night Lexa.” She didn't expect a response but smiles to herself regardless. Letting herself fall asleep to the sound of Clarke's soft breathing and the wind through the grass.

 

–

 

A burst of hot air hits her face and Lexa wakes with a start. Staring into the black nose of a horse that peers down at her. Her hand shoots out for her sword but it's gone from the place she'd left it in. She looks over to where Clarke had fallen asleep and she lays there with a stone tipped spear pointed between her eyes.

 

“ _And the great heda Lexa wakes.”_ An accented voice speaks above them. The words spoken slower and with a heavier drawl than Lexa is used to. She looks up at the rider on the horse and recognizes Agnes. One of the igranrona leaders. Her dark brunette hair shorter and one side shaved down as the other is braided tightly against her skull. Her skin dark and gleaming with what Lexa assumes is sweat as she is dry where she lays on the ground. The leaders light blue eyes filled with amusement before she draws her horse away. Her gona replacing her and grabbing Lexa roughly. Hauling her to her feet. _“Never expected to catch the great heda so off guard.”_ The leader smirks.

 

“ _Where is-”_

 

“ _Your man was knocked out cold easily enough.”_ She chuckles. _“Exiles are weak.”_

 

“ _What do you want?”_

 

“ _There is someone who would like to see you.. you and wanheda both.”_ She snaps her fingers and the gona tie Lexa's hand before her. Taking her dagger from her thigh then stripping Clarke of her own weapons before binding her as well. The gona pushing them to mount their horses bareback like the ingranrona do. _“Get comfortable. It'll be a long ride.”_

 

They ride in silence. Their horses lead by gona dressed in light yellow clothing and she knows it's designed to hide them in the grass. All of them sleeveless and arms tattooed in some variation of grass and horses. She has never seen so many igranrona gona in one place. Even when she first met the two leaders they had had less than half of this. She begins to wonder if the ingranrona leaders had lied to her about their strength.

 

–

 

Despite Raven's attempts to stir up conversation again they stay quiet but Ontari can't help her smile when they approach the walls of Polis. Half built but already looking strong and Raven beside her lets out a quiet gasp as they follow the curve beneath it. The earth below them trampled by horses and builders. More so the closer they get to the still wooden gates guarded by trikru and floukru. The gona eyeing them cautiously.

 

“ _Let us in.”_

 

“ _Heda left you in Hilelia.”_ One of them responds through his mask. A trikru by the look of his dark armor. His sword left sheathed at his hip but he holds a metal tipped spear tightly. _“You and the skaikru, why are you here?”_

 

“ _Raven kom skaikru wished to witness Polis herself and as it is my duty to protect the skaikru it was my duty to escort her.”_

 

“ _Heda ordered you to stay in Hilelia.”_ He says with force and Ontari rolls her eyes. _“Now go back.”_ He growls at her harshly and receiving a glare from Raven.

 

“ _I'll go back when Raven wishes to go back.”_ She looks over at the woman then back to the guard. _“Let us pass.”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _Move or I will kill you for standing in the way of me doing as I am commanded.”_

 

“ _Kill me and these men will kill you in return azgeda bitch. You and the sky girl.”_ He snaps back at her and Ontari narrows her eyes in a glare. Gripping her reins tighter but she looks away from him when the gates open. Obe storming up to them and gripping the guard by the shoulder then pulling him back. Throwing out a punch and hitting him square in the jaw before letting him fall to the ground.

 

“ _Ontari kom azgeda and Raven kom skaikru are welcome to Polis. Only I have the power to say otherwise!”_ He shouts and the other guards nods. Moving to pull up the fallen gona who scowls at Obe. “I apologize for their behavior Ontari, Raven.”

 

“They are just being cautious.”

 

“Perhaps too cautious.” Raven adds as they ride through. Her dark eyes on Ontari as the warrior dismounts but she looks up at Raven. Meeting her eye before walking over. Waving Obe away as she thinks that Raven simply doesn't want to be watched when she gets down.

 

“Do you-”

 

“No.” Raven snaps at her. Leaning forward in her seat to throw her leg over the side but she freezes when Ontari touches the leg closest to her. Her jaw clenching but she slides off the horse's back. Pushing back against Ontari when she holds her elbow to steady her. “I can get off a horse on my own. I don't need you.”

 

“I was just being kind.”

 

“Yeah well keep your kindness to yourself.”

 

Ontari purses her lips but nods.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I headcanon that grounders have accents for different areas because why wouldn't they?


	28. Chapter 28

The further they ride the hotter it gets and Clarke sweats. Her clothes sticking to her skin uncomfortable as if she'd just jumped into a lake. She glances at Lexa as they ride. The brunette directly beside her and her skin shining with sweat as well. She knows this heat isn't something she's used to, at least not this early in the year. The others she can't see as they ride behind her.

 

“ _One of you take my hood off.”_ Clarke says aloud but the guards don't look at her. Their attention focused on their leader where she rides at the head. She sighs and looks back over at Lexa. Finding her looking back at her now with a frown. “You are heda but they've captured you like you're a thief.”

 

“I believe I am more their enemy than their heda right now Clarke.”

 

“Where are they taking us?”

 

“To their capitol I think. We aren't going north as we are still on delfikru land but once we are on ingranrona land they may take us to the northern border.”

 

“To Nia..”

 

“Sha.”

 

“ _Silence!”_ One of the guards shouts before reaching out and pulling the hood from Clarke's head. A rush of fresh air meeting her skin and she lets out a sigh of relief. _“Silence!”_ He shouts again.

 

“ _Tell her to be silent again and I will rip your throat out with my teeth!”_ Lexa shouts suddenly and Clarke stares at her through wide eyes at her sudden outburst but the guard falls silent. Clearly still feeling some sense of loyalty as Lexa clenches her jaw. Clearing her throat and turning her head to look out across the yellowing grass all around them.

 

After a moment Clarke presses her knees into her horse. Guiding him closer until her foot bumps against Lexa's. Her attention granted as she looks over curiously. “I can defend myself but thank you.” She tells her quietly.

 

“He was disrespectful to you.”

 

“You say that but they're the ones who have you tied to a horse like a criminal.”

 

“I would rather it be me than you who is disrespected Clarke.”

 

“And they say chivalry is dead.” Their feet brush again and Lexa gives her a small smile as she looks down at her bound hands.

 

“ _Is now really the time to be courting hedas?”_ Mars suddenly speaks up and Clarke half twists in her seat to find the exile riding rather close to them. Lead by a guard who wears a frown as if he'd heard them himself. _“Branwadas.”_

 

“ _It isn't like that Mars.”_ Lexa tells her without looking back at her and Mars scoffs in disbelief but Clarke studies Lexa. She knew very little about how the game of love worked among grounders. Not that she'd called her relationship with Lexa as some form of love but more a form of friendship. Mars calling it courting sounded like maybe there was something within what happened between her and Lexa.

 

“ _She joins the war. She fights by your side. She draws you. She comes back for you and even saves you from gona. She heals you and she even kissed your head but..”_ She laughs, _“but it isn't courting.”_

 

Clarke freezes. How would Mars know she'd drawn Lexa?

 

“ _Clarke and I are allies.”_ Lexa says quietly and Clarke nods in agreement. _“Nothing beyond that.”_

 

“ _Whatever you say heda.”_

 

“ _Shut up back there!”_ The igranrona leader shouts as she suddenly turns her horse to approach them. The whole group stopping once she's begun to move. _“We cannot stop until we cross onto my land so I need you to shut up until we get there.”_

 

“ _Sha Agnes.”_ Lexa meets her gaze harshly and the leader frowns. _“Have your guards let wanheda remove her jacket. She isn't used to this heat.”_

 

Agnes looks Clarke over and nods. Motioning for her guards to unbind Clarke long enough for her to jacket to be removed. Clarke has half a mind to try and make an escape but she knows there are too many gona around her to be able to get very far. The man who touches her is surprisingly gentle when he peels off her jacket. Lying it across her lap before binding her hands again. When she looks over at Lexa she finds her green eyes fixated on the guard in a murderous glare. Daring him to make a wrong move despite being bound herself.

 

“I'm okay Lexa.” She says quietly and Lexa looks away once the guard is finished. Agnes heading back to the front and they press on. Faster than before as the sun is beginning to set. The winds picking up and a few dark clouds above them. The darker it becomes the faster they ride. Breaking into a gallop once the sun has dipped below the horizon line but they slow as the night grows darker.

 

“ _We'll rest here until the sun rises.”_ Agnes dismounts her horse quickly. The gona around her moving to begin to setting up a quick camp in the moonlight but no fire is built as Clarke and Lexa are pulled off their horses. Pushed to sit in the dirt near the exiles and gona sit nearby to guard them. _“We will reach Sippi tomorrow.”_

 

“Sippi? What is Sippi?” Clarke asks Lexa, leaning into her despite the look Mars gives her.

 

“It is for trade. Built out of the ruins of an old world city. It once had its own name but then the people began to call it Sippi as it is the river's name that runs through the city. It is the city that sits on the border between the delfikru and the ingranrona. Other clans use it as well but delfi and igranrona have more power in it than the others do.”

 

“So it's big?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“How big?”

 

“Smaller than Polis and Hilelia but large within it's own right.”

 

“ _Sippi is the pride of the west.”_ A new voice joins them and Agnes sits before Clarke and Lexa. Holding out dried meat to the both of them and they take it carefully. _“It is not a place you'll be able to escape us in. It is not a place you'll be able to hide in. The ingranrona line its streets and are all loyal to me. If they see you they will grab you and deliver you back to me.”_

 

“ _And the delfi?”_ Lexa asks.

 

“ _The delfi are loyal to the ingranrona. It is hard to be disloyal when Ingrid's brother is Night. The one who is bound to Ranger.”_

 

“ _He finally found the courage to court him?”_

 

“ _After many years yes.”_ Agnes smiles in the moonlight but Clarke is still confused. These are new names for her. New people, new land and new relationships that she knows little about. It makes her feel uncomfortable and she shifts in her seat. Taking a bite of the meat in her hands to try and distract herself. _“I must apologize for the way you are being treated heda. It was asked of me to do so and I will not disobey.”_

 

“ _Who asked you to do this?”_

 

“ _You'll see once we reach Colum.”_

 

“ _It is Nia?”_

 

“ _She asks that I give no hints.”_ Agnes' smile disappears and she looks up at the half moon in the sky.

 

–

 

They move again at dawn and Clarke's body aches. She thought she'd left behind sleeping on hard surfaces when she'd left the pits. Her body wasn't as accustomed to it anymore and she thinks that even trees are a more comfortable place to sleep than the ground with nothing between her and it. She arches her back as she sits on her horse. Feeling the bones in her spine and shoulders ache harder than before but when she stops she feels a little bit better. She's aware that Lexa is watching her and the guards ride further away from them today.

 

“We'll be in Sippi soon.” Lexa says suddenly. Nodding her head to a growing shape in the distance. It looks like a mass of rocks to Clarke but she believes Lexa nonetheless. She has seen cities grow out of nothing before and she expects this will be nothing different.

 

“Have you been before?”

 

“Once when I decided to ride through all twelve clans after my ascension. I wanted to see them through the eyes of a gona instead of a heda and it was.. eye opening. I met no leaders and instead met the people.”

 

“It must have been easier then.”

 

Lexa shakes her head. “I came across trade disputes often. Found battlefields where gona burned in pyres and in a way it helped me build the idea for the coalition.”

 

“Would you do it again?”

 

“Ride through the clans? Yes.”

 

“When you win..”

 

“If I win.” She corrects.

 

“When, Lexa.” Clarke looks over at her before continuing. “You should do it again.”

 

“Maybe if..” she swallows and meets blue eyes that encourage her to continue. “If you'll go with me.”

 

There is a nervous tone to her words and Clarke fights her smile. She doesn't miss the nervous gaze that seems to flicker everywhere but Clarke's face while she thinks about the offer. It sounds like something that would go hand in hand with courting but she'd consider it. The way she sees Lexa is changing. The way she feels towards her is changing. She likes being near her, she wants to be near her even and she let's herself smile at the thought.

 

“After we win the war.. I'll think about it.”

 

–

 

Raven sits beside her in the shade of a tree near the tower. The tree bears scars as the city around them does. The bark filled with marks left by arrows but Ontari focuses on Raven beside her. The woman murmuring quietly to herself in thought before she looks over at her.

 

“Do you remember the box in Hilelia? Gray and kind of big, filled with levers, switches and wires?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you know if there is one similar to that here?”

 

Ontari hums a moment. Trying to recall if she'd seen one but coming up empty yet she thinks if there were a possibility of one being in the city that it'd be in the tower somewhere. She raises her hand and points at the tower where it looms nearby. Dark and quiet since it had been cleared.

 

“Heda's tower maybe.”

 

“Let's go then.” Raven stands and Zero yawns at her feet sleepily but follows her when she walks off for the tower. Ontari following her a moment later and as they walk she reaches out to grab gona to go with them. She knows that searching the tower will take a long time if it is just her and Raven. The moment they step in their met by stale air and shadows.

 

“ _Go. Search the tower for a box with levers and switches. If you find one then find me or her.”_ She points at Raven as she speaks and the few she's gathered nod before taking off in separate directions. “I hope you don't mind extra hands.”

 

“Not if they make this go a little faster.” Raven sits on a step leading up with a heavy sigh. “I just hope it's not up a flight of stairs.”

 

“There is a lift to take you up in case it is.”

 

“Good.”

 

“None of them went to the basement so I will go.” She pauses before heading to the narrow steps that lead down. “You will be okay here?”

 

“Yeah, I've got Zero.” She pats his head where he sits beside her.

 

“I'll be right back.” She stops before heading down though to look back at Raven. “If the warriors return but don't speak English to you then just make them wait until I get back.”

 

She nods, “teach me trigedasleng sometime though?”

 

“I'd be happy to.”

 

“Good, now go. This tower kind of give me the creeps and I'd like out of it sooner rather than later.”

 

Ontari laughs quietly and grabs a cold torch from the wall beside her before lighting it. Using the stone wall and flint in one hand then descends the stairs. Stepping down onto the damp floor beneath her and holding the light out. Covering her nose when she's met by the smell of death. Eventually coming across a body where it sits slumped against a wall with a slashed neck. She studies it a moment before walking on. Following the dark, damp hallway until coming to the wheel that lifts and lowers the lift. No bodies litter the floor but when she lifts her torch to search the walls she find dark splatters that she assumes is blood.

 

The further she searches the room. The more she realizes she may find nothing until suddenly she does. Light falling across a rusted metal box in the farthest corner of the room. Lines of gray cord running in and out of it but she pulls at the covering with her gloved hand. The metal giving in and crumbling away as she pries the covering off. Finding the inside filled with what she'd seen in Hilelia. With what Raven had hoped to find.

 

–

 

Sippi isn't like Clarke expected it to be. She expected crumbling buildings that would threaten to fall with even the the slightest of breezes but instead the buildings that remain are tall and strong. From her place on the ground she can see people move through open windows high above her. The buildings are wider than the tower in Polis. She suspects they are nearly as tall but her horse is lead further into the city. Lead beside a broken archway taller than the buildings and she wonders how the old world managed to build the structure.

 

While Clarke looks up, Lexa looks down. The people in vendor stalls shout at those who walk by. Some dressed in the light clothing of the igranrona while the delfikru wear thicker clothing. The ingranrona shorter and visibly lighter as the delfi are darker and heavier. They are polar opposites of one another but they live among each other in complete harmony. Lexa glances at Clarke, finding the blonde still looking up and marveling at the buildings as she had done when they'd crossed the stone bridge into Sippi.

 

The people look at Agnes with an air of respect. Parting to let her ride through before they come to a stop at a smaller building in a quieter part of Sippi. Children run by with wooden swords and a nomon shouts from a window across the street. Making Lexa jerk her head up at her before a guard is pulling her down and off the horse. Pushing her into the building behind Clarke.

 

“ _We stay here for the night. We'll continue to Colum at dawn.”_ Agnes tells them, watching her gona push her prisoners to sit against a crumbling stone wall before she sits in a chair by an open window. The sounds of the city wafting in as she rest her boots on top of the table near her. _“I look forward to being home again.”_

 

“ _How long has it been?”_ Lexa asks her, relaxing in her seat but she freezes when her knee knocks against Clarke's. The blonde not seeming to mind as her own knee comes to a rest against Lexa's.

 

“ _Weeks.”_

 

“ _Why have you been gone for weeks?”_

 

“ _That isn't for me to tell you.”_ The leader looks over at them and flashes her a small smile. _“You'll know why soon enough though.”_

 

“ _Before or after I'm on the receiving end of Nia's sword? Because that's the only way I see this journey ending.”_

 

Agnes purses her lips and looks away. Letting silence fill the room as the world darkens around them. The silence continuing as they are fed more dried meat and after awhile Agnes leaves them. Disappearing through a doorway but Lexa knows she is going to bed and that they are going to use the wall as their bed for the night. She can feel Clarke's discomfort at the idea and looks over at her. Her face half hidden in the shadows as a torch burns above Lexa.

 

“I believe it will be different in Colum.”

 

“Instead of a wall we'll get grass?” Clarke grunts as she slouches against the wall uncomfortably.

 

“Grass would be better than a wall.”

 

“I'd rather sleep on a snow covered hay again.” She sighs and straightens up. Still struggling to find some kind of comfortable position as the exiles beside her scowl at her. Tiring of her frustrations and constant moving about. “At least the cold made me forget how uncomfortable I was.”

 

“Snow covered hay.” She repeats with a frown. She had slept in the snow once but on a bed of furs. Tucked warmly in the home of an azgeda hunter who offered her a place to sleep for the night.

 

“I guess I was lucky Nia didn't have me sleep in an open field.”

 

“She probably thought about it.”

 

“I wouldn't be surprised.”

 

“ _Shut up and sleep.”_ Mars cuts in from her spot beside Brand. The man somehow already snoring slumped against the wall. _“Branwada..”_ The rest of her words drowned out by Brand.

 

“She's right. We should sleep.” Clarke sighs, finding herself naturally leaning into Lexa. Feeling her body tense beneath but slowly relaxing. “Go to sleep Lexa.”

 

“Sha,” but Lexa doesn't think she'll be able to sleep with Clarke leaning against her. Her body warm and despite the desire to sleep she doesn't. Clarke's breathing evens out and the longer she leans into her. The sooner she begins to think of all the ways that Nia could use this against. She could take Clarke if they aren't already headed for her now. She could take her away, kill her then send her body back or take them both and kill her before her very eyes. Toss her head at Lexa's feet but let her live as a prisoner with the knowledge that Clarke's blood is on her hands as much as Costia's is.

 

“What's wrong Lexa?” Clarke says quietly suddenly. “You're tense.”

 

Lexa turns her head. Meeting the tired look in blue eyes that promise patience and she nods to herself. Dropping her voice low as to not be heard by anyone else in the room or to even wake the others that sleep. “I was thinking about Nia and about you. What she could do to me because I..” She stops because she won't tell Clarke how she feels for her. Not now and maybe not ever. “Because you're my ally.” She corrects herself but she finds disbelief in blue eyes.

 

“Nia will find me harder to take than I was the first time Lexa.” She means for it to be calming but the look in Lexa's eyes read differently. She's still afraid, fear creeps in through the various shades of green in her eyes and Clarke wishes her hands were free. She wants to touch her. To try and calm the emotions that she normally hides. To soothe her but she can't. Ropes rub at her skin when she shifts to lay her hands over Lexa's. Fingers curling around hers as best she can manage. “I survived the mountain and I survived her once before. I survived the pits. I survived in Polis. I survived the podakru and I will survive the ingranrona if that is what I must do. I survived, so here I am in this room, with you and when we leave this room I will survive out there too. _We_ will survive this war and beyond it.”

 

Lexa nods rather than speak. Not minding when Clarke seems to press into her a little firmer and she wants to believe what Clarke tells her. She wants to trust in what she says but she knows that nothing is set in stone. That tomorrow when they woke up they could be taken to kneel before Nia just to die. She squeezes her eyes shut at the thought then reopens them. Met by darkness and Clarke's comforting warmth.

 

–

 

Ontari sucks in a deep breath the moment she climbs onto the top of Lexa's tower. The fire above her burning on as it had done since her birth but she looks down as she kneels. Swiping her hands over dirt covered rock to hopefully find what it was that Raven was looking for. She's never been up here but she knows others have. Others that may have moved the panels to make room for the flame but she doesn't let the thought stop her.

 

In one hand she holds a slip of paper that Raven had drawn on. Different versions of the panels that she was looking for. Telling her that they may be blue, black or even brown. Raven was hopeful for them to be here as the wires they'd followed up through the tower rose to the very top but the further Ontari searched. The more she realized she'll have to climb back down and tell Raven that they weren't there. She straightens up at the though. Resting a dust covered hand against one of the stone pillars that held up the flame as wind tossed her hair over her shoulders harshly.

 

The view here was different than the view in Lexa's throne room. She could see further. She could look out over the treetops as far as the eye could reach and she smiled because there was nothing. Trees upon trees as birds glided in the wind before she knelt again. Brushing away loose rock and dirt but she froze when something gleamed in the sun. Her fingers finding the piece of thin metal that looked similar to what was drawn on the paper. She set it aside and searched a little harder. Coming up with more shards before she decided to head back down. Carefully making her way down the rusted metal ladder that threatened to come loose at any moment.

 

“Find anything Ontari?” Raven asked the moment she set her feet down in the corridor.

 

“Nothing but shards.” She held them out in her hand and Raven picked one up with a frown. “They may have been moved somewhere else. Heda uses tunnels beneath the city as storage.. we may find some there.”

 

“Or we won't find anything. Your people use them to make other things. Practical things that you understand.” She drops the shard back into Ontari's hand with a tired sigh. “It's worth a shot I guess but tomorrow. Not today.” She sits in a chair that she'd asked for while Ontari searched the top. Zero staring at worriedly. “So what was it like up there? Windy?”

 

“Very but beautiful. It was like I was a bird. I could see far into the distance. Trees forever and nothing but trees.” She kneels with a smile looking up at Raven. “Much better than heda's throne room.”

 

“She has a view?”

 

“Sha.”

 

“Could I see?”

 

Ontari hums a moment in thought but nods. Heda probably wouldn't mind it if Raven went out there and she stood. Holding out her free hand to Raven but the girl didn't take it. Preferring to stand on her own but leaning on her cane as they walked down the hallway towards Lexa's throne room. Her limp a little more pronounced than it had been earlier and Ontari suspects she is tired. Her body not used to so much movement but she looks away when Raven glances at her. Moving instead to open the doors leading into the throne room.

 

The room quiet and dimly lit by the sun as it sat empty. There was no reason for anyone to be here and she walked slowly up the aisle. Rounding the throne with Raven beside her. Reminding herself to keep her hands away as she knew she didn't like to be seen as weak. A lesson she'd learned when Raven had gotten off her horse.

 

“Woah.” She murmurs the moment they step outside onto the balcony. The wind easier here than above and Raven rests a hand on a broken column of stone. Looking out over the city and the trees beyond it's growing walls. “She gets to see this everyday?”

 

“Sha.”

 

Raven laughs quietly, “why would she ever want to leave such a place.”

 

“She does what she must to protect us all.”

 

“You say that but she left Clarke at the mountain.”

 

“To protect her people.” She purses her lips and meets the dark look in Raven's eyes. “Would you have not done the same?”

 

“Maybe. Maybe not. I don't know because I have no one to protect anymore.” She says quietly and Ontari suspects there is more but she doesn't ask. It isn't her place to ask. If Raven wanted to tell her about it then she'd do it and after a moment Ontari steps up next to Raven.

 

“Are you hungry?”

 

“Nice change of subject there.”

 

Ontari laughs, “but are you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Come on then, let's get out of this tower and find food.”

 

“I like the way you think icy.”

 

–

 

Colum looks more like a village than a capitol city. The still standing buildings don't rise tall. Grass covers it's streets more often than stone does. The people seem more laid back but they crowd around when Clarke and Lexa ride in with Agnes at the head. Clarke suspects it's more for Agnes than herself and Lexa. Children push through the lines of people to run at the gona who guard them. Throwing themselves onto their horses to ride with them down the main street of Colum. One child in particular throws herself into Agnes' arms with a shout and she latches onto her. Tucking her into the open space between her body and her horse's neck. Whispering quietly to her with a wide smile.

 

“I see no azgeda.” Lexa murmurs and Clarke nods. She'd noticed it herself and it confused her. The people seemed far too much alive and happy for any azgeda to be in their city. The further they ride the more she begins to wonder if Agnes will move them next to the north but the leader is stopping them before a building of white stone. The tallest building in Colum but the roof missing. Columns of white stone patched with brown rising into the sky with faded yellow cloth tied to them and Clarke suspects that it's similar to Lexa's tower in the sense that it's their capitol building.

 

The children scramble up the three steps that lead into the building as the prisoners behind them are pulled off their horses. The child that Agnes had held onto remained in the entryway however. Standing with her hands behind her back and her chubby face set in a determined glare when Agnes approaches her. Her dark green eyes shining with defiance despite Agnes placing her hand a top her crown of light brown hair with a soft laugh.

 

“ _The fiercest of all my gona little Myla.”_

 

“ _I am not little!”_ The girl shouts, beating her little fists against Agnes stomach before she's picked up. Moved out of Clarke's way when she's pushed into the building and where she expects thrones she's met with nothing. There are no seats leading up to the raised platform ahead of them but instead cracked rock with grass growing through the cracks. Cloth presenting the clan's symbol hangs against the wall opposite them.

 

Agnes walks beside them but where her prisoners are stopped she continues. Carrying Myla up the three steps before she faces her prisoners but she doesn't speak. She instead looks over to a side door that opens after a moment. Another woman making her way up the steps with a hand cradling her stomach. Her clothes loose to keep herself comfortable or maybe to hide but Clarke knows she is pregnant.

 

“ _Ingrid.”_

 

“ _Agnes.”_ The second leader says softly. Her accented voice soft, warm and welcoming. Carrying less of an accent than Agnes did.

 

“ _You look fat.”_

 

“ _If you weren't my equal in this clan I would have you dragged for that.”_ She laughs, reaching out and swiping her thumb over Myla's cheek. _“And you found my first born.”_

 

“ _She charged me like a fierce stallion does a wolf to protect the herd.”_

 

“ _I wonder who she learned that from.”_

 

“ _Not me I assure you.”_

 

“ _So you say..”_ She turns to look down at the prisoners who stand before them. Sweeping the loose braid of light brunette hair over her shoulder before she begins to take the steps down. _“You found them.”_

 

“ _I did.”_

 

“ _And if anyone saw them they'd only saw them as prisoners?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _Good.. I don't want Nia knowing we have allied with heda Lexa just yet.”_ She draws a knife from her behind her back as she approaches Lexa. Motioning for her to lift her hands. _“I apologize for how you were treated but it was necessary.”_

 

“ _We have not agreed to an alliance yet Ingrid.”_ Lexa rubs at her wrists when Ingrid cuts her free and the leader nods in agreement.

 

“ _We heard Dusk captured you. He sent riders to all twelve clans about his victory and we were sure we were too late to get you ourselves.”_

 

“ _You captured me for an alliance?”_

 

“ _We captured you to keep you safe.”_ Agnes explained with a frown before Ingrid looked up at her with a look that asked for silence. _“Go on.”_

 

“ _Agnes was already out training new gona when I received word that you had left Hilelia but disappeared again after you retook Polis. I sent word to Agnes to ride east in the hopes of running into you. The original plan wasn't to capture you. It was to come into agreement of an alliance in the field. I trust Agnes to have come to an agreement well enough as she is much more versed in war than I am. The plan failed when Dusk captured you himself but now it seems we may be able to come up with something.”_ She cuts Clarke free and moves on down the line without stopping. _“How did you escape?”_

 

“ _Luna kom floukru gave me a chance then Clarke killed gona searching for me in the woods outside of Castal.”_

 

“ _Clarke..”_ she looks over at her and meets her blue eyes. _“Wanheda, it's an honor.”_

 

“ _Just call me Clarke.”_

 

“ _Of course.”_ She steps back once everyone is free but makes her way back to Lexa. _“I wish to join you in the war heda Lexa. The igranrona all wish to join in the war heda Lexa. The entirety of our clan, from the north to the south have all agreed to join you if you will have us. There is enough gona in my armies to fill Polis and Hilelia twice. There is enough gona in my armies that the floukru and trikru put together would still not outnumber them. We have seen many years of the gods' grace. Many years of good fortune.”_

 

“ _But are they trained?”_

 

“ _Of course heda, Agnes and I decided to become less of a peaceful clan when Nia made her first move.. the death of Costia kom floukru. After her death we saw it for what it was but you did not fall into Nia's trap and for that we felt our loyalty for you grow. You have been stronger than any heda before you and we wish to be on the winning side if you will have us.”_

 

Lexa clenched her jaw as Ingrid spoke. Not missing the subtle shift from Clarke beside her as if she intended to touch her but pulled back at the last minute. The leader before her fell quiet when she finished. Glancing back up at Agnes before meeting Lexa's eyes again. A pained look in her eyes that hadn't been present before.

 

“ _Nia came to us when she was first building this war against you. We woke to a city filled with azgeda gona. To Nia herself sitting on a throne and let me tell you heda Lexa.. no throne has sat in this building since the beginning of our time. It is not a place where a hierarchy exists. We are all equals in this place but she came in and placed herself above all of us. She sat there in that seat and threatened my child. Threatened my future children and my people if I did not agree to an alliance with her. In the time it took me to recover from my shock she had my child in her arms. Myla who was only a year old. Myla who could not defend herself.”_ Her eyes narrowed, swimming with unbridled rage and pain. _“Myla who cried in her arms when that ice bitch put a knife to her throat. Threatening to take her life then and there if I did not say yes.”_ Her voice shook and Lexa's eyes widened. _“I did what I had to do to protect my family. I said yes but now I am telling her no. I am asking for your forgiveness for my betrayal and asking to make it right with an alliance.”_

 

Lexa wastes no time nodding. She can see the truth that takes front and center within her dark green eyes. She can hear the fierce hatred that laces her words and she can feel it fill the room. Not only coming from Ingrid but from Agnes as well as she holds onto Myla protectively. _“And you shall have it Ingrid kom ingranrona.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original plan was for the podakru to be all 'Lexa4heda2150' and the ingranrona to be iffy about it but that got switched around. I think I like this more though.
> 
> Also, just a quick question. You guys don't think clexa is moving too fast do you? A bit worried they're moving too fast because man, am I tired of waiting for them to get together. (If you don't think they're moving too fast now just wait until next Tuesday).


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my favorite thus far, even more so than the first chapter.

Clarke sits next to Lexa in the ingranrona war room. A room that isn't exactly a room as it's open to the elements. The ceiling above them missing but covered by a rigid sheet of faded blue plastic that flaps in the breeze. They are joined by the ingranrona generals as well as Ingrid and Agnes. The generals pay no heed to Clarke or Lexa as they listen to Agnes speak. The leader giving specific numbers and what little information they already know about Nia.

 

“ _The sangedakru, podakru, trishana, ouskejon, louwada kliron and yujleda stand with Nia. Ambassadors met us near the southeast borders for the southern clans. We met all but the podakru and the sangedakru ambassadors. They wished to speak with us about temporary treaties for after the war. They would come into play should Nia win. They didn't want to fight with anyone afterward. They wanted to keep what peace they could but they are still enemies. They will still attack any of the clans allied with heda Lexa should they appear on their land.”_

 

“ _So we've learned.”_

 

“ _What do you mean?”_

 

“ _We were attacked by the trishana on the way to the podakru but we also learned that the ouskejon will take any open opportunity to attack trikru villages.”_ Lexa glances at Clarke then back to Agnes. _“After Arcadia was attacked they then attacked Ton DC after Clarke and Obe were attacked in the burnt remains of her home.”_

 

“ _We heard about the fight at Ton DC but nothing of Arcadia..”_ Agnes frowns, _“your people.. they are..?”_ She seems hesitate to ask as she shifts in her seat beside Ingrid. A worrying frown playing at the northern leaders lips.

 

“ _No, they are alive. Saved by azgeda rebels.”_ Clarke nods to reassure them. _“Safe in Hilelia now.”_

 

“ _Good but azgeda rebels you say? How is that possible? They were killed in the war that Nia waged against them.”_

 

“ _Not all of them.”_

 

“ _Bjorn, one of it's leaders, survived the war thanks to his nomon who also joined the war afterward. Ontari has also joined the war. Gaining a small army of rebels that was meant to wipe out Arcadia itself but did not.”_ Lexa explains and Agnes nods.

 

“ _I see. We knew Ontari was no longer under her nomon's thumb and with you heda.”_

 

“ _She is my guard but I left her in Hilelia to aid in the protection of the skaikru.”_

 

“ _It must anger Nia to know her heir is guarding her enemy.”_

 

“ _It must anger her that her heir guards Clarke and I.”_ Lexa corrects and the two leaders before her laugh.

 

“ _We have heard that there is a second heir to take the ice throne should Nia die.”_ Clarke cuts in, _“do you know anything about that?”_ Her questions cuts the laughter quickly and Agnes nods.

 

“ _Sha. We heard the same rumors but we have not seen an heir nor have the other ambassadors seen her.”_

 

“ _Nia could be bluffing. Spreading her own rumors.”_

 

“ _I don't think she is the type to spread her own rumors Lexa.”_ Clarke looks over at her and Lexa remains silent as if in thought. _“Someone saw the heir with their own eyes and decided to talk but maybe since only one person saw them it got turned into a rumor.”_

 

“ _It is possible.”_

 

“ _An heir may not continue the war should Nia die. Killing her is still a viable option to end the war before more blood has a chance to spill.”_

 

“ _Nia keeps herself hidden in Ontre. A city guarded by an army. A city set deep within azgeda territory. A city that none of us know our way around.”_ Lexa glances at Clarke again but she is right. None of them do know their way around it and Clarke doesn't like what Lexa is suggesting. She doesn't want to go back into that city. She doesn't want Lexa to go into that city. Into the belly of the beast that yearns for her blood and Clarke shakes her head.

 

“ _I know what you're trying to suggest Lexa and it's too risky. Even if we managed to get into her city. Even if we managed to get close to kill her we'd be killed by her guards.”_

 

“ _We draw her out.”_

 

“ _She won't come out. She knows where she is safest and she is safest inside those walls.”_

 

“ _Capture the hidden heir.”_ Agnes states simply.

 

“ _Hidden heir Agnes. She's hidden. We don't know where she is or if she even really exists and if she does exist then she is in Ontre. The same place as Nia.”_

 

“ _You don't have someone in that city?”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _You don't but Lagetha or Bjorn may know someone.”_ Clarke shifts in her seat with the increased attention she receives once she's started. _“Lagetha was a general for Nia after the rebel war. She managed to somehow hide herself well enough to run under her radar. To keep herself hidden from informants that Nia has. She may have left someone in the city who could get information. Someone who could tell you about the heir.”_

 

“ _You need to go back to Polis or Hilelia. Wherever she is. Talk to her and find out if she does.”_ Agnes stands and crosses over to the closed door behind Lexa and Clarke as they stand.

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _We will make sure you have everything you need to get back but it may take a day or so.”_

 

“ _Mochof.”_

 

They file out but Clarke and Lexa remain near the door. The exiles milling about nearby talking among themselves but Clarke studies Lexa in the sunlight that filters in through cracks above them. She seems deep in her mind. Her hands resting on the belt around her waist and eyes focused on the floor. She hopes she still isn't thinking of attempting to get into Ontre.

 

“ _Clarke.”_ Mars speaks as she walks up with a tired look in her gray eyes. _“What is the plan?”_

 

“ _We will stay here for a day or two then we head back for Polis.”_

 

“ _How do we get back to Polis without being spotted?”_

 

“ _Luck.”_

 

Mars frowns but nods, _“what about our weapons?”_

 

She asks and before Clarke can answer a set of gona head towards them with their weapons. The same gona who guarded them on the ride to Colum but they are gentler now. The same one who shouted at Clarke offering her a careful apologetic smile before handing her her bow, quiver and knife. The same man handing Lexa Clarke's sword that she accepts with a thankful nod. Still deep in her mind as the other gona hands the rest of their weapons back.

 

“ _There's your answer Mars.”_

 

Clarke turns to leave and she's met by heat outside the capitol building. The street outside quiet as the crowd is gone. Most people either gone home or found something to occupy themselves with elsewhere but Clarke stands in front of the doors. Listening to the flap of cloth above her and she was sure that if she hadn't seen the crowd earlier that she'd suspect the city to be empty. Abandoned even but she takes a seat on the first step. Adjusting her bow to sit without bending and she looks up when another person joins her.

 

Lexa taking a seat next to her after a moment's hesitation. “Ingrid will have someone show us to our quarters when the sun begins to set.”

 

“Will there be beds?”

 

“I hope so.”

 

“Me too.” Clarke studies the commander beside her. Her hood down and long sleeves pushed up to her elbows. The sword still at her back and she wonders why she doesn't wear it like she wore her own sword. From the hip is an easier draw, quicker and surely Lexa must know this.

 

“Remind me not to let Brand ever be our lookout.”

 

“As if you'd forget yourself.”

 

Lexa shrugs with a shy smile that disappears into a serious frown after a moment. “I'm serious.. we got lucky it was the ingranrona. Lucky they wanted an alliance. If it had been anyone else we'd be dead.”

 

“I agree, we were lucky.” She prods Lexa's knee with her index finger. The brunette giving her an odd look in response. “That luck is a two way street though Lexa. You got an alliance out of it.”

 

“We got an alliance.” She corrects.

 

“I did nothing. It was all you.”

 

“ _We gave you that alliance.”_ Agnes suddenly speaks above them and they both look up to meet the humorous gleam in her blue eyes before heads down the steps through the space between them. _“Perhaps that Mars is right. You two are courting.”_

 

“ _We are not.”_ Lexa tells her.

 

“ _We're just friends.”_ Clarke adds. Not missing the look Lexa gives her.

 

“Friends?” She asks in confusion as if she were unaware they'd gotten to that point.

 

“Is that okay?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Then friends.”

 

“ _A good friendship sets a good foundation for a long love.”_ Agnes motions for them to follow her and they stand. Shooting matching glares at the southern leader but she smiles at them playfully. The woman different in her city than she was on the road to it. Warmer and so much more carefree. _“I'm going to take you to your quarters. Which is actually just an abandoned barracks.”_

 

“ _Why don't you keep an army in the city?”_

 

“ _If someone comes through the city who isn't loyal to us and they see an army. Then they will run and tell someone else. Who will then tell another and another until it reaches ears we do not want to hear.”_

 

“ _Good reason.”_ Lexa tucks her hands into her pockets as they walk. Boots crunching in tiny stones beneath them. _“What of the others?”_

 

“ _I'm sure their new friends will bring them here eventually.”_ She pushes open a door to a long building that appears to have an intact roof. The woman already stepping through a different doorway that opens up in a long room filled with bare beds. The frames welcoming despite being empty but the room itself less than welcoming. Dust and cobwebs in the corners but Agnes is opening windows to allow fresh air in. _“It'll be fixed, don't worry Clarke.”_

 

“ _After you made us sleep on the ground and a wall.. I don't think I'd mind a naked bed frame.”_ She attempts at a joke and Agnes laughs but Lexa remains stoic as she stands beside her.

 

“ _Ingrid plans a feast in your honors.”_

 

“ _Lexa is the only one who should be honored.”_

 

“ _And you are wrong there. We will honor you as well. The ingranrona did not lose any gona to the mountain but we all felt it's shadow. We are all thankful for it's destruction and we will honor you for it.”_ She explains and Clarke nods slowly. _“In the meantime.. I will tell you of a creek that flows nearby. If you follow the street to the right you'll find it easily enough.”_

 

“ _Are you saying we stink?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _We will go then.”_ Clarke glances at Lexa and she nods in agreement. Stepping aside to let Agnes leave the building but Clarke follows her out. Listening to the footsteps behind when Lexa follows her but she waits for Lexa to come up beside her before turning right. Following the dirt road that curves around crumbling buildings before straightening out. “I think I might like this city the most out of all the ones we've been to.”

 

“Even Hollow?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“And why is that.”

 

Clarke hums a moment. Turning her head to watch a couple of kids kick around a leather ball in an alleyway before meeting Lexa's questioning gaze. “It's gentle here. Laid back. They don't seem too worried about the coming war. Their goufa are happier here than I have seen in any other city. Ingrid and Agnes seem very kind too.”

 

“I see.. but it's all just a cover. An army sleeps here. A beast ready to step from the shadows.”

 

“It wouldn't be too hard to assume that their cover is the very same way they've been since before Nia threatened them.”

 

“Perhaps.” They stop to let an older man leading a solid black three horned cow. The animal loudly bellowing in defiance but the man doesn't let it stop their journey. “That cow is probably dinner.”

 

“Probably.”

 

–

 

They continue walking until they come to the creek that Agnes had told them about. The water flowing by quietly but the people around it are loud. Children laugh but nomons shout at them. Either telling them to quit being so loud or to quit running along the narrow sandy beach. Lexa suspects that this is why the city is so quiet. The people all here bathing together like they are one giant family and it's a peaceful sight but Clarke is frowning beside her. Blue eyes narrowed and Lexa knows she'd be uncomfortable there so she touches her hand lightly. Getting her attention and nodding for her to follow her down the creek shore to find a quieter place.

 

The further they walk the more trees sprout up long the shore. The creek narrowing before widening. Giving way to a deeper section but the water is darker. Not as clear as it was to the east and Lexa suspects they only use it for bathing or fishing.

 

“Is this okay?”

 

“Yeah,” she sits on the shady shore. Tugging off her boots but takes nothing else off. “Thank you, the other spot was too crowded.”

 

“I agree,” Lexa takes a deep breath before tugging off her shirt. The binding around her chest still tight and she decides to leave it on as she unlaces her boots. Pulling them off swiftly and dropping them to sit near Clarke's but she pauses when her fingers pull at the button of her pants. Looking down at Clarke and the blonde looks up at her.

 

“Go ahead, it's okay.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.”

 

She nods and pops the button. Pulling them down and off but leaving her thin shorts on. Her skin soaking up the warm air before her bare feet meet the cold water. Her knees next but she dives into the water. The cold knocking the air from her lungs as she resurfaces. Her ears picking up the soft sound of Clarke's laughter from the shoreline and turns to look at her. Her feet meeting the soft bottom and the water is deep enough to rise to cover her chest as she kicks herself closer to the shore.

 

“Clarke?” She calls out to her nervously.

 

“Yes Lexa?”

 

“Join me?” Her voice wavers but Clarke nods slowly. Getting to her feet and Lexa sucks in a deep breath as the blonde glances around herself before pulling her shirt off. Dropping it on top of Lexa's clothes but Lexa turns to give her privacy. Dunking herself beneath the surface again with her eyes squeezed shut before resurfacing. Pushing hair away but she turns when fingers touch her shoulder tentatively.

 

“Hi.” Clarke stands with water up to her elbows. Sunlight glittering off the surface of the water onto her skin and Lexa is sure Clarke has never been more beautiful than in that moment. It takes everything within her not to reach out and touch her. To let fingers smooth over skin that looks as soft as she'd think it would be. To touch the scars that mar her skin. Scars that only seem to enhance her beauty.

 

“Hi.”

 

“You're staring.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“It's okay.” A hint of a smile lingers on pink lips before she disappears beneath the surface. Only to rise again seconds later with soaked skin and hair that darkens with the water. “Fuck it's kind of cold.”

 

“You'll warm up eventually.”

 

“Eventually but in the mean time..” she wraps her arms around Lexa's waist. Pressing herself into her body and head resting on her shoulder but Lexa doesn't touch her. Letting her arms lie limp at her sides until Clarke is squeezing her tighter. “Lexa, _beja_.”

 

Her arms lift but only lay at her hips. Her skin cool to the touch beneath the water. Curves soft despite months of fighting for survival and after a moment she squeezes Clarke back. The blonde letting out a breath against damp braids but Lexa swipes her thumb over the edge of her hip bone. The pad of her finger meeting the rough edge of a scar but Clarke only sighs contently.

 

“It's okay Lexa, you can touch them if you want.” But Lexa doesn't think she's talking about the small scars. She's talking about the ones that Lexa refused to touch before. The long jagged ones that cover her back and Lexa tentatively moves her hand up. Watching her own hand move but she doesn't let it drop. “I-”

 

“You said I won't hurt you before. You said it was okay to touch but..” she trails off and Clarke pulls back. Hands coming to a rest on Lexa's hips but blue eyes meet green calmly. “I'm not sure if I can.”

 

“I understand. I know they're ugly and rough to the touch. I know Lexa, I hate them too. They remind me of the past too.” She nods with sadness in her eyes, “I understand.”

 

“Clarke-”

 

“It's okay Lexa.” She turns away to leave the creek but Lexa wraps her fingers around her wrist because it's not okay. She doesn't think her scars are ugly. She would never think that any part of her was ugly. Her scars told stories that sometimes her tongue was unable or unwilling to tell and Lexa tugs her back into another embrace. “Lexa-”

 

“They're not ugly.” She cuts her off, hand hovering her lower back before she lays it against her skin. The raised lines of her scars pressing into her hand but Clarke makes no noise of complaint. She doesn't tremble or even more in the slightest. Her breath coming out in warm puffs against Lexa's collarbone but Lexa traces her index finger down the middle of the rough skin. “They're beautiful Clarke.” _Like you,_ she adds mentally. “They tell your story.”

 

“Oh whatever Lexa,” she laughs but Lexa shakes her head.

 

“I mean it. They are a part of you now and they are beautiful. Not something for you to be ashamed of.”

 

“They're ugly and remind me of things that I'd rather forget.” She says again but softer. Her eyes closed when Lexa pulls herself back to look at her face. Her hands cupping her cheeks and she gives her a reassuring smile when she blinks at her. “You're staring again Lexa.”

 

“Was I?”

 

“Mhm,” Clarke hums. Leaning into the thumb that follows the curve of her jaw before meeting the shallow dip in her chin. A shine in her blue eyes that seems expectant of something but Lexa tilts her head down. Pressing a light kiss to her forehead before backing away. Lowering herself into the water under Clarke's disappointed gaze.

 

“Come on, let's finish before this feast Ingrid is preparing.”

 

“Fine,” Clarke follows her deeper into the creek. Her hand finding Lexa's despite the dark water between them and she tugs her closer. “Come here.”

 

“Why?”

 

“You still have braids in your hair.”

 

“So?”

 

“So I'm going to fix that.” Clarke turns her so her back is to her. Fingers tugging at braids to still the commander in front of her. “I'll even fix them later for you.”

 

“You can braid?”

 

“Somewhat.”

 

“So you learned to fight but not to braid.” Lexa clicks her tongue, “I don't believe it.” She teases and yelps when Clarke tugs on her braid firmly. “Easy now.”

 

“Be nice then.” The earlier sadness gone from her voice as she combs her fingers through Lexa's wet hair. Pulling leather ties from the ends of her braids.

 

“Sha Clarke.” Lexa lets her work. Laying her fingers on top of the surface of the creek and the fingers in her hair tempt her to sleep. So soft and gentle but then she is done much too soon for Lexa's liking. The leather ties from her hair becoming a knotted bracelet on Clarke's wrist when they return to the beach. The blonde tugging on her shirt despite her wet hair and skin but Lexa knows it's only because of her scars.

 

Lexa hopes to one day be able to prove to her that she is beautiful.

 

–

 

Clarke wakes to a dark sky and cool air on her skin, a dream of blood fading. Crickets sing beyond open windows and it tells her that the feast from earlier is over. It had been a fun event. Good food and laughter all around despite the presence of hidden gona spread out around Agnes and Ingrid. She knew they were there, Lexa knew they were there but she wasn't worried about them. Neither of them were and when the night ended for Clarke she'd left on her own to sleep. Only waking up when Lexa returned sometime later but now Clarke sat up in her bed quietly.

 

Grabbing her boots before making her way out. Pulling them on when she stood in ankle high grass outside. For the first few minutes she walks then breaks into a run. Running down long dirt roads bathed in moonlight. Most of the windows dark and nothing stirs around her except for the dust she kicks up in her wake. Her lungs burning but she doesn't slow as she comes to the creek once again. Turning to run beside it but she slows when she comes to the shore that she and Lexa had sat on. Dropping herself to sit in the sand and tugging off her boots. She moves to pull off her shirt but she stops when the fabric brushes along her scars.

 

“ _They're not ugly, they're beautiful.”_ She remembers the way it felt when Lexa touched them. Her touch soothing as her fingers were warm. Warming the skin wherever they touched and soothing the ache she felt from the cool water. She remembers the way it made her feel. How it made her heart race with something akin to need but she shakes her head. Trying to keep Lexa's words out of her head but failing. Trying to forget the almost hopeful desire she'd felt when she thought Lexa was going to kiss her.

 

With a huff she pulls it off then stands. Taking off her pants then unwrapping her chest binding. Dropping it to join her clothes before wading out into the water again. Washing away the sweat that had formed as she ran. Stooping low in the water despite the cold that seeped beneath her skin. Pulling harshly at her scars and she slipped beneath the surface. Resurfacing seconds later to a familiar sound and she turned to find Lexa on the shore but dressed. Standing just at the edge with a tired look in her eyes.

 

“What are you doing here Lexa?”

 

“You left.”

 

“I ran.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I ran.. I ran through the streets because I woke up. I dreamed about..” she trails off. “I dreamed about something and I needed to forget so I ran.”

 

“What did you dream about?” She sits on the shore, tucking her hands in the bends of her knees as she waits patiently but Clarke doesn't know if she wants to say it. She doesn't know if she wants Lexa to know that she dreamed of Lexa lying in a pool of her own blood. That Nia ripped her heart out with a stained fist. “You don't have to but I'm here if you need to Clarke.” Lexa breaks into her thoughts.

 

“I know.”

 

“May I ask you something?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Did you really draw me?”

 

Clarke laughs softly, “yes Lexa. Check my pants pockets.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

She knows Lexa will find sketches of Ontari in it as well as herself but she nods to herself. “Yes Lexa but.. I must warn you first.” She turns away in the water before continuing. “You're not the only one in there.”

 

“I know.” She hears Lexa drop to the sand with a sigh then a page being flipped, “Ontari is in here too.”

 

“Yeah.” She sighs.

 

“But so am I.”

 

“Yes.”

 

“You cared for her?”

 

“She is my friend.”

 

“And so are we.”

 

“Yes.” Silence fills the space between them and a fish breaks the otherwise still surface of the creek further away from Clarke. The sound of insects in the forest before her and behind her singing.

 

“You don't love her?” Lexa breaks the silence.

 

“No.. but do you? She told me what happened.”

 

“I don't.”

 

“I see.” She looks back up at her and finds the commander studying the notebook in the lingering moonlight between leaves above her. Fingers pressing against pages before she half turns the book to try and decipher something. Clarke shakes her head.

 

“Lexa?”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Close your eyes?” Lexa looks at her in confusion before it seems to hit her and she nods. Closing her eyes and bowing her head as Clarke leaves the creek. Tugging on her shirt before dropping to sit next to Lexa. “Open them.”

 

“Are you okay? Your scars.. do they..?” She trails off and Clarke nods slowly. They still ache from the cold and she freezes when Lexa moves to sit behind her. Her legs on either side of Clarke's and heat seeping through her shirt into Clarke's back. Stilling as if to ask if it's okay and Clarke nods. Relaxing as the cold is chased away. The commander continues looking through the notebook. Skipping over Ontari's pages to get to her own and she stills once she does. “You are very talented Clarke.” She says in quiet awe.

 

“It's just an escape.”

 

“Does not change the fact that you are talented. This is a gift, a true gift.”

 

“A useless gift in this world.” She lets herself lay back but she wants to laugh when Lexa drops her head on her shoulder despite her wet hair.

 

“As long as it makes you happy Clarke.. it will never be useless.”

 

–

 

“ _Ontari!”_ Someone shouts at her from down a street and she turns to find a trikru gona darting for her. Sweat clinging to her brow when she comes to a stop in front of her and breath leaving her in heavy pants. _“You are needed at the walls, quickly!”_

 

“ _Why? What's going on?”_ The gona breaks into a run once more and Ontari follows. Matching her pace as quickly as she can.

 

“ _An army approaches,”_ the gona pants and Ontari freezes.

 

“ _What?”_

 

The gona stops to stare at her. _“An azgeda army was spotted by scouts near the azgeda border. Bjorn knows more.”_

 

“ _Sha,”_ the two break into a harder run and Ontari's heart thunders in her chest but not because she's running. It races because an army is coming for them. An army of her people that is most likely led by Roan. She may have to kill her brother in this battle but she hopes that she won't have to. She swallows thickly, taking the wood stairs that lead up to the top of one finished wall to the top where Bjorn stands. The man throwing her a glance before turning back to speak with a trikru general beside him. Motioning him to go away before he turns to Ontari. _“An army?”_

 

“ _Sha, scouting party near the borders was attacked but one managed to get back to us to warn us. She's with healers now.”_

 

“ _How many?”_

 

“ _Enough to take the city if we aren't careful.”_

 

“ _Can we hold it?”_

 

“ _You would know that if you weren't busy with the skai girl.”_

 

“ _It is my duty.”_

 

“ _And you shouldn't even be here.”_

 

“ _Is now really the time for this Bjorn? An army rides for us to retake Polis.”_

 

“ _An army that you and I both know is lead by Roan.”_ He studies her but she looks out over the wall. Treetops swaying in a breeze meeting her gaze before she looks back to him. _“He may have to die Ontari.”_

 

“ _I know Bjorn.”_

 

“ _Will you be ready if that day comes?”_

 

“ _Probably not but if I must then..”_

 

“ _It would destroy you.”_

 

“ _He's my brother. He taught me to ride. He taught me to fight. He protected me from Nia when she grew angry with me. He is more than my brother and always will be Bjorn.”_

 

“ _I know and if the gods will it then we will just capture him. We will imprison him and let him live but should heda return then it will fall to her to decide on his fate.”_

 

“ _Have we received word from her yet?”_

 

“ _No, and I take it Suoh has not yet returned if you are asking me that.”_

 

“ _He hasn't. She may be beyond what he knows. She may be..”_ she pauses and grits her teeth. _“May be dead, captured by Nia and her allies.”_ She doesn't want to wonder if heda is dead because if she is dead then Clarke is most likely dead as well. _“What do you plan to do then?”_

 

“ _If we meet them in open combat we will surely lose. If we wait for them to come to us then they will pin us against the ocean behind us. If they get in we will lose.”_

 

“ _Then what do you plan to do?”_

 

“ _Nia's armies fight as units. Rebels do not and it was my downfall at Ontre. I attacked as the armies would but I will not make the same mistake twice.”_ He smiles to himself, _“we will attack as the trikru but also as the rebellion.”_

 

“ _The trikru attack from the trees and rebels follow an old war tactic from the old world.”_ She knows this but not because it was taught to her as a child. She first learned to fight as lines of gona. To stand fast and hold a line but the rebels taught her differently. They attacked quickly. Darting in and out, leaving little room for their own to be cut down. Using nature similar to the trikru and she nodded to herself. _“I understand.”_

 

“ _However I will not ask you to lead any of the attacks. I will not put you in that position. I will not force you to be the one to kill your brother.”_

 

“ _No.”_ She states and Bjorn looks at her with his eye narrowed. _“I want to lead. I need to lead. If I am in that fight then I can take him prisoner myself or be the one to take his life. It should not be a nameless gona that does it if it comes to that. It should be someone he knows, someone he trusts to send his spirit to the next. It should be me.”_

 

“ _Are you sure?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _I understand.”_

 

“ _But when I go I want someone to make sure Raven gets out of the city if I die in the field. She is remain alive and safe. She is to return to Hilelia to her people alive and unharmed.”_

 

“ _I can arrange for that.”_

 

“ _Good.”_

 

“ _But I was not aware you cared for the girl.”_ A teasing smile plays at his lips but Ontari shakes her head.

 

“ _She is skaikru and I was commanded to protect them.. she is also important to Clarke. She herself is important.”_

 

“ _You climbed heda's tower for her.”_

 

“ _And what a sight it was. I would ask if you would like to see it yourself but it is a much better view with two eyes rather than one.”_

 

He frowns at her but it's Lagetha who suddenly appears behind her at the comment that retaliates. Her hand grabbing at the back of Ontari's head, fisting tightly in her hair before yanking her backward. _“If you are not careful then I will take your eye and give it to him branwada.”_

 

“ _She was teasing me.”_ Bjorn grabs Lagetha's wrist to stop her from pulling back on Ontari harder. _“Let her go and let what happened go as I have.”_

 

“ _Not until she proves herself to me.”_

 

“ _Fine. You will join her in the attacks against the azgeda army.”_ Bjorn tells her firmly but he seems to shrink back under Lagetha's glare. The general letting go of Ontari after a moment with a nod.

 

“ _Okay then.”_ She walks away and Ontari touches the back of her head gingerly with a wince.

 

“ _That woman has a grip like a bear.”_ She draws her hand back and is relieved when no blood coats her fingers. _“It is no wonder that she birthed one.”_

 

“ _That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about her.”_

 

“ _It may be the only thing.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just how many times will Polis get attacked? And no, the folks at Polis don't know that Lexa was captured then escaped. It's not a plot hole or just a regular hole, they just don't know yet.


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some parts I'm iffy about but otherwise I like this one and I hope you guys will too.

Her fingers sift through the dark head of hair before her. Parting in thick strands that she braids carefully, pulling from memory the image of Lexa with a head of tightly bound braids. Tight against her scalp during a battle and she knows it won't be anything like that. She can't braid as well as a true born gona but she tries her best. Combing hair back with her fingers as Lexa sits before her in a backless chair. Sunlight shining and reflecting off the sword Lexa sharpens across her lap.

 

It's peaceful until it suddenly isn't.

 

The sound of boots against the wood floor behind her but she doesn't turn to face them. Only glancing at Mars when she hovers over her shoulder a moment before walking away. Brand following her but Clarke knows the quiet Ax stands at the door.

 

“ _Agnes says we leave at dusk.”_ Mars tells them taking a seat from the corner. Her boots kicking up still dust against the wall when she sits. Brand leans against the wall next to her. _“Said she will ride with us to the delfikru borders.”_

 

“ _I see.”_

 

“ _Also Clarke is terrible at braiding.”_

 

“ _She is learning.”_

 

“ _And you will be blind should we get into a fight.”_ Mars stands and Brand takes her seat. The warrior crossing to stand beside Clarke but the blonde swats her hands when she attempts to touch Lexa's hair. _“Don't you think hair lessons are better saved for peace time?”_ She lays a hand on Lexa's shoulder but the commander shrugs. _“You are far braver than I thought you were heda.”_

 

“ _I trust Clarke to do her best.”_

 

“ _Her best is worse than a goufa..”_ she darts to avoid Clarke's sudden attack, hand darting out to smack her. She shoots the blonde a teasing smile but it fades when Ax steps up to Clarke's opposite side. The exile quietly murmuring helpful tips that Clarke silently follows. _“You don't let me help but you will let her? I'm hurt.”_

 

“ _You annoy me, she doesn't.”_ Clarke murmurs and Mars frowns as Ax's lips rise in a rare small smile. Silence following until Clarke's wrist is bare of leather ties. Lexa's hair braided as tightly as Clarke could manage under Ax's gentle teaching. Clarke's sword sharp enough to slice wavering grass without much effort and Lexa is on her feet.

 

“ _We will meet back at main street at dusk.”_ She tells them but only Ax turns to leave the room. The girl disappearing silently as Mars and Brand remain.

 

–

 

The scent of blood sticks heavy to the air when Ontari walks into the room. Bloodied rags lying in a bowl of red water but the gona on the bed peers at her through nearly black eyes. Her black hair sticking to her forehead with sweat as a healer works over her leg. The broken remnants of an arrow on the floor beside him. The gona draws in shallow breaths as she lays there, shallow still when Ontari kneels by her head.

 

“ _Princess.”_ She speaks carefully and Ontari knows she is an azgeda rebel. She will know what Roan looks like. She will know what he rides and what armor he wears. What his sword will look like and Ontari swallows thickly before nodding.

 

“ _Tell me what you know.”_

 

“ _The prince rides with the army, at it's head where he belongs.”_ She lays back into the furs beneath her. Dark circles under her eyes weighing into her paled, sweat soaked skin. There is more to her than the wound in her leg that still bleeds. Blood splattered across her collarbone and soaked into her gray shirt. _“He was the first to attack us. Attacked at the break of dawn when the sun was in our eyes. He and his scouts killed the others but I managed to escape. They chased me through the woods until the prince shot me.”_ Her fingers point at the broken arrow. _“They ride in great force, enough to make me think that Ontre is undefended now.”_

 

A hint lies in her words but Ontari shakes her head. Instead taking a blood stained hand in her own a moment. _“What is your name?”_

 

“ _Louisa.”_

 

“ _Rest Louisa, recover so that you may one day fight again.”_ She releases her hand and stands. Backing out of the building with her hands balled into fists but she stops when her name is called. The healer following her before stopping in front of her. _“What is it?”_

 

“ _She may never fight again.”_

 

“ _What?”_

 

“ _The arrow.. it pierced her knee. I am not even sure how she managed to reach us before the army did. She shouldn't have been able to walk with it in her like it was. She should have bled out before she reached us.”_

 

“ _Yet she didn't.”_ She hisses in response, the healer blinking at her with an unamused frown. _“Do what you can for her. Keep her alive.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ He walks away and Ontari is left alone on the street. The wind in her ears and dust over her boots before she begins to head back for the wall but she stops when she rounds a corner. Realizing she isn't headed for the wall but rather for Raven's makeshift workshop near the docks. The scent of ocean and fresh air when she sighs. Ducking into the alleyway that leads to the backdoor of the small building as Raven had blocked the front with her panels.

 

Zero meets her when she opens the door. Tail swiping across the floor beneath Raven's table. Broken panels lying across its surface as the brunette tugs off a pair of thin leather gloves. Her eyes dark and lit with annoyance when Ontari closes the door behind her.

 

“Heard through the grapevine that an army was coming.” She bites out and Ontari nods. Not sure how the woman had learned of it so quickly but preparing herself for the onslaught of words that would surely escape her. “You weren't going to tell me?”

 

“I was, I-”

 

“When? When you were about to leave to fight it?” She huffs, “Bjorn told me. Came to see me earlier to introduce me to the warrior you asked to protect me while you were gone.”

 

“That man has no patience..”

 

“And you are a coward.” Raven flat out tells her and Ontari meets her gaze with a frown. “Why didn't you come and tell me?”

 

“I had something to do first.”

 

“Sounds like an excuse.”

 

And maybe it is an excuse. She knows the moment she tells Raven about what she intends to do then it will become that much more of a reality for her. She will be breaking her promise to heda Lexa again. She will be breaking her promise to Raven as well but as much as she desires not to, she knows she must. There is a clash of loyalty that battles for her attention. Her desire to capture her brother rather than killing him taking the lead over Lexa and Raven both but if she does manage to capture him. If Polis can defeat the azgeda army that rides for them then she can keep her promise to Lexa and keep Raven safe. She will keep all of her loyalties in one but there is always the chance that she'll fail.

 

“I and a legion of gona will leave at dusk.” She says quietly with a bowed head and Raven sighs. The telltale sound of her boot scraping against the wood floor in a limp lets Ontari know that Raven is moving to stand beside her but she doesn't look up at her. “The warrior that Bjorn introduced to you will be the one to keep you safe should the battle not go in our favor. They will get you out of Polis and back to Hilelia safely.”

 

“I'd rather it were you doing that.”

 

“I have a duty to my family as much as I have a duty to you and heda Lexa.”

 

“And that's something I know very little about. My only family is dead but..” she hums, “but I think I understand. I understand that for you family is more important than anything else. It comes first and foremost. Your brother is one leading the army right? Bjorn told me.”

 

“Yes and that's why I have to do this. I have to be the one who deals the final blow.”

 

“Of course but I wonder why you don't feel the same loyalty for your mother as you do your brother.”

 

“My brother kept me safe from Nia's wraith. He taught me much of what I know.” She looks up, “the least I can do is extend the same safety that he did for all those years for as long as I can.”

 

“I see.”

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

“Don't be, just because I can't relate doesn't mean you should be sorry.” She pats her on the back and rounds back to the opposite side of the table. “So.. you leave tonight right?”

 

“Sha.”

 

“Would you stay here for awhile?”

 

“If you will have me.”

 

–

 

The moon is directly above them when they finally reach the delfikru borders. The trees that separate them from podakru throw shadows over them and Lexa sits rigid in her saddle. Clarke on her left as Agnes sits on her right. The exiles behind them and silent despite her quick glance back at them. Agnes beside her lets out an almost inaudible sigh.

 

“ _I will begin to organize the armies when I return to Colum heda. It will take time before they reach Polis but they will. They will be completely at your command.”_

 

“ _Mochof Agnes, go home.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_ The leader wheels her horse around and disappears into the darkness. The sound of horse hooves pounding against the earth until they finally fade away and Lexa crosses the border into podakru land. Picking her way cautiously through the trees with the exiles behind her but when the sun rises Ax maneuvers herself away from them. Creating space between herself and the group but Lexa thinks nothing of it. She's done it before.

 

“Clarke.” She says quietly when they break into a small field. Deer bounding away in a hurry into the trees.

 

“Yes?”

 

“Stay alert.”

 

“Don't have to tell me twice.” The blonde responds, urging her horse to fall into step with Lexa's. “We should rest soon. We've ridden through the night and the horses will need a break if we intend to reach Polis with us on them.”

 

“You're a horse expert now?”

 

“The igranrona taught me a few things as well as Alta.” She throws back at her with a small smile but Lexa frowns at the mention of Alta. They hadn't heard from her or seen her since they left Castal. She wonders if the woman made it back to Oneida or not. A part of her is willing to bet that she did. That she made it before anything happened to the village but there is still a worrying fear left in her heart. “Lexa?” Clarke suddenly frowns, “what's wrong?”

 

“I was thinking about her, Alta.”

 

“I believe she is okay. She survived you, she survived Nia.. she will survive whatever the podakru throw at her as well.” Her voice tries to tell of her confidence but it wavers. Uncertainty lying on her tongue and Lexa nods slowly. “She may be back in Polis already.”

 

“One would hope so.” Her voice low and quiet as she responds but Clarke is looking away. In the general direction of Oneida and Lexa knows there is more to her thoughts than she gives away. That she is worried for her mentor and Lexa guides her horse closer. Reaching out and touching her arm gently. “We can go if you want to.”

 

Clarke considers it a moment then shakes her head. Meeting green eyes with a sad frown, “it's too dangerous to do that. It could be swarming with podakru or even azgeda. I'm sure she's okay, safe with Nadira and the rest of Oneida.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes, let's just keep going.”

 

“Okay Clarke.”

 

–

 

Snow flurries stick to the soft leather of her thick gloves where she hides among the trees. They are only a couple of days from Polis but the snow manages to find them. The cold not enough to make her shiver but she's sure the trikru around her can feel it. They aren't use to it like she and the rebels are. It doesn't sink into her bones and stop her from living her days. It doesn't stop her from scanning the moving army below her either. Gona on foot following a worn path created by the horses in front of them and behind them she knows is their supply train, their first target.

 

“ _A starving army is a useless army,”_ Lagetha had told her and she agreed. The plan was to fire flaming arrows into them and set them ablaze then escape further into the woods around them. They would worry about forest fires later but Ontari knew it was harder for them to catch this far north. However the closer south they got the easier it would be and she frowned at the thought. Catching the sound of a creaking wagon as the first few began to pass beneath her. The oil soaked arrow in her hand felt a hundred times heavier all of a sudden but she prepared herself to fire it as the gona beside her shifted. Preparing to light it when the signal was given.

 

A signal that came after several more supply wagons passed them. The sound of an owl's cry piercing the air that echos through more snow flurries. The gona beside her lighting the arrow she has nocked in her bow and she takes aim. A second owl cry following the first and she releases. The burning arrow finding it's mark in the hide covering of a wagon near the middle but she doesn't watch it burn as she and the gona scramble out of the tree. Ducking into the underbrush to escape before the army turns to search the woods for them. Buying time and slowing them down.

 

–

 

They ride through the night but stop mid day at a small lake. Clarke setting to work passing out dried meat before sitting herself next to Lexa. The commander peering out over the still water and silent but Clarke's mind is alive with thoughts. Worried thoughts about Alta pulling but she freezes when Lexa lays her hand over hers. A comforting look in her eyes that she doesn't voice as they sit surrounded by the three other exiles. Clarke flips her hand under Lexa's, lacing their fingers together and shifting to hide it from the others.

 

“ _We will rest here until nightfall.”_ Lexa tells them and meeting Mars' eye. _“You take first watch.”_

 

“ _Because you know I am the best gona here or because you don't want anyone to know you're holding Clarke's hand?”_ The warrior smirks and Clarke rolls her eyes.

 

“ _Go.”_ Clarke growls and Mars throws her hands up in defeat before getting to her feet but then Ax grabs her wrist. Pulling her back down and standing herself. _“What are you-”_

 

“ _I will go in her stead Clarke.”_ Ax tells her quietly and walks off. Clarke glancing at Lexa in confusion but the commander shakes her head. Biting into her food rather than respond and Clarke turns to look out over the lake. The water lapping quietly at the rocky shore and a fish breaks the surface further out. Breaking the calm and Clarke squeezes Lexa's fingers. Feeling her squeeze back in response despite Mars' knowing smile.

 

“ _Colum was surely life changing wasn't it.”_ She comments but neither Clarke or Lexa look at her and she continues. _“Ax smiled for the first time in I think her entire life.”_

 

“ _I didn't set anything on fire.”_ Brand offers and Mars knocks her elbow against her. The man kissing her cheek in response.

 

“ _No but you did set something else on fire.”_

 

“ _Oh yeah?”_

 

“ _Oh yes.”_ She winks and Clarke audibly groans. _“Jealous Clarke? I'm sure you could find someone to light your southern territories too.”_

 

“ _Shut up.”_ Clarke growls.

 

“ _Brand wouldn't be opposed to me helping you out.. would you love?”_

 

“ _Follow your heart,”_ Brand pats her thigh with a smile but it fades when Lexa clears her throat yet Mars keeps smiling. Unfazed by the harsh glare Lexa gives her. _“Just keep your spirit as you do it.”_

 

“ _Sha,”_ Mars knocks Clarke's boot with her own. _“Well?”_

 

“ _No thank you.”_

 

“ _If you say so.. but I don't see heda doing it herself any time soon.”_ She closes her eyes and relaxes in the sunlight but cracks an eye at Clarke for her reaction. Frowning when she gets nothing from her but she smirks at Lexa. The commander glaring at her harder than before. _“What about you heda? I could help you too.”_

 

“ _No.”_ Clarke responds before Lexa does. The brunette turning to look at her with interest and Mars laughs. _“Shut up Mars.”_

 

“ _Sha Clarke.”_

 

Silence falls and Clarke chews slowly in thought. She hadn't meant to speak for Lexa. It had just come out. Slipping off her tongue in a fleeting moment of jealously despite knowing that Mars and Brand were together. The two of them sitting so closely now that she isn't sure where Mars ends and Brand begins. They are comfortable in each others presence. Mars' hand rubbing at Brand's bald head despite his barely held together frown and Clarke stands after a moment. Letting go of Lexa's hand to walk the curve of the shore.

 

–

 

“ _They are approaching the river general Lagetha.”_ A scout tells the fierce woman where she stands. Her hands clasped behind her back and eyes scanning the opposite shore of the river. Ontari knows that the general has already spoken to floukru gona. Spoken with a general that specialized in what Lagetha planned to do and while Ontari thought it was strange. She would not question it.

 

“ _Send word to Obe, tell him to prepare his gona but not to attack until the archers are in view.”_ The scout nods and darts off to do as hes told. The idea was to take as many of the archers as they could in one fell swoop. Ontari was aware that as of right now they wouldn't be heavily guarded. There was no threat to them outside of the battle and Lagetha planned to use that against them. Gona hidden in the brush along the road and in shallow pits but it was the floukru in the river that baffled Ontari.

 

They would rise and fire their weapons into the gona. Into the archers as well as the lines before the archers. Cutting down their numbers quickly before disappearing beneath the surface again. This attack may be their only chance to really cut them down. Any other after this they will be more cautious. They will be watchful and ready for any attack.

 

“ _Do you plan to join Obe princess?”_ Lagetha asks her suddenly and Ontari glances at her. She hates being called princess and Lagetha knows it. She does it on purpose to bother her and she fights her scowl at the mocking title. _“Or hide behind-”_

 

“ _I plan to fight with Obe.”_ She cuts her off and Lagetha frowns at her. _“But you on the other hand.. are welcome to stay out of the fight.”_

 

“ _No. You will need someone to keep you alive during this, can't have the azgeda heir dying before she has a chance to take the throne.”_

 

_A throne I don't want,_ she tells herself and shakes her head. _“It is you who will need to be kept alive. Such a brilliant tactician but I fear your age may slow you down.”_

 

“ _Careful princess,”_ she growls harshly. _“My age means nothing. I can still kill you where you stand.”_

 

“ _I'd like to see you try, you-”_ she's cut off by a scout running towards them. Breath escaping him in heavy pants before he comes to a stop.

 

“ _The army approaches.”_

 

Lagetha nods and meets Ontari's gaze. Her earlier aggression intensified but Ontari knows it's just for the battle they are about to enter. _“Let's go.”_

 

–

 

Night falls and they are back on their horses. Cool air washing over them that blows off of the lakes they pass and while silence greets them. Lexa still feels unnerved, her grip tight on the reins and eyes glancing at Clarke periodically as they ride beneath trees through patches of dim moonlight. The flapping of bird wings above her almost makes her jump but she keeps herself steady. A vibrant red feather fluttering down and sticking itself in the mane of her horse before she pulls it out.

 

She turns when a horse approaches. It's footfalls rapid against fallen leaves and she's tense until she realizes it's just Ax. _“Village ahead heda.”_ She whispers quietly before leaving Lexa's side.

 

“ _Mochof.”_ Lexa adjusts their course to avoid the village but it doesn't stop the nervous feeling that fills her. The woods around them suddenly falling deathly silent and she finds Clarke's guarded subtly shifting gaze in the dim moonlight. The blonde holding her bow firmly with a nocked arrow aimed for Lexa's chest before she fires. Lexa leans far over the side of her horse to avoid being hit and hears a grunt of pain come from her opposite side. Eyes widening when she finds a gona gripping the arrow in their chest before hitting the ground. Falling from a low lying branch on the tree beside her.

 

“Are you okay Lexa?” Clouds cover the moon but she knows Clarke moved closer by the sound of her voice.

 

“Yes but we need to move. We don't know how many more are out there.” Lexa pushes her horse into a sudden gallop. Creating distance between the body of the assassin or a scout. Weaving through trees as the moon is uncovered once again. The sound of horses following her lets her know that they hadn't lost anyone. That Mars, Brand and Ax are still alive somewhere behind her as well as Clarke but the blonde keeps pace with her. Bow still clasped in her hand.

 

The further they ride, the more Lexa knows she should feel safe but she doesn't. Something lingers in the air around her as she slows. Something haunting but something seems to be missing as well and she wonders if they had already crossed into the boudalan. Clouds hide any mention of mountains but she climbs off her horse once she's come to a stop beside a towering tree. The bark untouched before she begins to climb up, ignoring the soft whisper of her name escape Clarke below her the higher she climbs. Branches thickening then thinning the higher she goes until she can search the land around them as she breaks through the top layer of leaves.

 

Rays of light promising the morning sun grow on the sky. Deep rich purples that turn lighter and lighter but the clouds remain. After a moment she begins to climb back down. Landing on her feet between Clarke's horse and her own. The blonde staring at her in confusion.

 

“I needed to see where we were.” She explains climbing back up on her horse before heading east. Clarke keeping pace with her with an understanding nod but the feeling in Lexa's chest hasn't left her yet. She's still nervous but she isn't sure why. There were no villages nearby. There were no sounds of gona moving through the trees. There was nothing but the chirping of birds in the earliest moments of dawn. She was sure she could hear the flow of a river nearby if she tried hard enough and she half turned in her seat. Scanning the exiles behind her but frowning when she realized they were missing one.

 

“Where is Ax?”

 

“What?” Clarke turned to look behind herself too and she froze. “She.. she was just here Lexa.”

 

“ _Mars!”_ Lexa called out and the woman approached with a worried frown. _“Where is Ax?”_

 

“ _I don't know heda. She was with us then she was gone again but she may just be scouting around us again.”_

 

“ _Maybe..”_ The girl is strange. She's quiet and seems to say less than even Alta and Hollow put together. She keeps to herself mostly, trailing behind others rather than being the center of attention and for the first time Lexa truly notices her missing. Ax always seemed to hold a muted presence but now when she was gone she could feel the absence and maybe that's why she felt so nervous. She was the missing piece.

 

“ _I hope she is okay.”_ Mars says quietly behind Lexa and she agrees with her before pressing on. They can't sit around and wait for Ax to appear but hope that she will eventually find them but the woods around them is quiet. No horse approaches them the longer they ride. The mountains Lexa had expected to rise suddenly doing so the closer they get and she turns her horse to follow the base. She knows there are numerous valleys that cut through. She knows that many of them are guarded by boudalan gona. They are her allies but she isn't going through those. She isn't going to risk a disloyal gona speaking of her whereabouts.

 

“Where are we going Lexa?” Clarke asks suddenly when Lexa guides her horse to a narrow valley. “This doesn't look familiar to our first passing.”

 

“I don't want to risk being seen.”

 

“I understand that but..” she pauses. Guiding her horse around a jagged edged rock then continuing. “Where will we come out?”

 

“There is a small hunting village near the exit but if we wait until nightfall we can slip by undetected.”

 

“And what about Ax? She still hasn't found us.” Clarke reminds her and Lexa's heart sinks. She has a point and Lexa can't ignore that. A small part of her begins to wonder if Ax is dead. Caught by enemy gona that the scout or assassin was with but Lexa finds herself willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

“How would you feel about waiting Clarke?”

 

“We can't wait forever.”

 

“One night. If she doesn't appear before dawn then..” she doesn't have to continue as the others are nodding in agreement. Mars not even choosing to speak against it as she knows what they must do and Lexa hopes that Ax will appear. Sooner rather than later.

 

–

 

With bated breath she waits. Wood presses down on her chest and while in reality it's light enough for her to throw off of herself without much trouble it still feels heavy. It presses down on her chest as dawn creeps in through the leaves over the top. Laying against the exposed skin around her eyes and she slows her breathing when she hears the first footfall. The first followed by a few more until an army marches by her hiding place. The vibration felt through the back of her armor against the earth and she grips her daggers tighter against her chest.

 

Horses snort above her and she hears a voice that reminds her of home. Soft but this time with an edge of anger that makes her chest ache. This Roan isn't the same as she is used to. This Roan isn't the man who kept her safe for all those years. He isn't her brother but her enemy and she squeezes her eyes shut until the sound of horses fades away. The stomp of foot soldiers passing her now and voices filled with laughter of an easy fight to come but then Ontari hears it.

 

The screech of a hawk that only a few scouts had managed to perfect. The sound so close to an actual hawk's that Ontari swears Suoh would come to the call if he heard it himself. The sound echoing through the trees that cling to the roadside and piercing over the flowing river. Telling her that it's time to rise and she does. Bursting from her shallow pit as dozens of other gona do. More gona spilling from the gathered brush along the road.

 

Their targets caught off guard and panicking. Their panic turning into their downfall as they are cut down. Bodies left lying on the road and Ontari slashes out at one before moving on to another. Making her way through the thinning lines before the second screech comes. Loud enough to be heard over the river and groans of dying gona. Loud enough to draw her back to run into the woods but she freezes when Roan's horse charges among other horsemen. Weapons drawn and war cries erupting from their throats but she's frozen.

 

He looks different. There is nothing soft about him like she'd once known. His face painted in deep blue warpaint that isn't like Ontari's used to be. The paint looked as if he'd just ran his hand down his face to his throat. His horse painted in the same blue warpaint across it's chest and eyes. The longer she remains frozen the closer they get and she only moves when someone is grabbing the back of her armor. Forcing her to move towards the trees and her brother follows. Horse charging through the weak wall of brush and slashing out at rebel gona that dodge him.

 

The rebel who forced her to move falls dead with an arrow in his chest but she's running through the trees as quickly as she can. Darting behind trees and she knows Roan is riding in an opposite direction of her. She knows he isn't chasing after her specifically but she feels as if he is. She feels as if his horse is just behind her and she turns her head at the sound of weapons clashing. Her feet instantly coming to a halt when she realizes Lagetha is in combat. The general killing soldiers that had managed to catch up to her and when Ontari begins to run to her, Roan does the same.

 

She knows he's going to meet her first if she doesn't do something. He's going to kill her and Ontari is too far away to stop it or even hope to. No other gona is nearby either. Most gone into hiding and Ontari only has a split second to think. She only has a second to realize that she may be the only thing that can stop Roan long enough to give Lagetha a chance to escape and she tears off her hood at the thought. Her boots still pounding the earth as she runs towards them.

 

“ROAN!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realized while writing this one that Ax was barely even a character. Going to try and change that.


	31. Chapter 31

Her body bleeds.

 

Rivets of red spilling from her side despite the hand she keeps pressed to it. Each step her horse takes enough to jostle her into bleeding more. The light color of her horse's side stained in a dark red. The deer skin she sits on red and soaked through but not all of it is her blood. Some of it is gona blood. Podakru to be exact, she'd survived an attack by another scout and escaped. Riding east at break neck speed until she hurt too much to ask her horse to continue running.

 

She pulled her hand back from her side. The flow not slowing as it coated her hand and she sucked in a painful breath when she pressed it back against her side. The cut was deep. Deeper than she'd ever been cut before but she hopes that if she can reach wanheda. If she can find Clarke then she can keep her from meeting death. Her spirit will remain in her body to fight another day for heda Lexa. She hopes that Clarke will care for her enough to do that. She and Clarke were not close by any means but the warrior seemed kind enough.

 

But in reality Ax wasn't close to any of them.

 

Mars tried to speak to her but she'd always brushed her off. Brand had tried a few times as well but she'd treated him the same. The igranrona had tried a few times but she'd passed them up in favor of being alone. It was what she preferred as people terrified her more than any weapon. People who would more likely hurt her rather than anything else and it feels strange to seek one out. It feels strange to hope to find someone but she keeps going.

 

Her breath escapes her in harsh gasps as her free hand tightens around strands of hair. She hopes her horse will find Clarke on her own. She hopes that her years of training her will prove useful and she leans over her neck. Cheek pressed against soft fur of it's neck. The feeling of utter weakness washing over her and it hurts her to feel that way. The pain harsher than the wound she bleeds from and her vision is fading. Everything is going dark and she feels numb. Her body giving up and her hand slips away from the horse's mane. The hand at her side dropping and she passes out. Slipping away with only the feeling of a warm horse to lead her into the darkness.

 

–

 

“ROAN!”

 

Her voice echoes through the trees and her brother twists in his seat to look at her. Jerking his horse to a stop when he recognizes her. His eyes wide before narrowing and he turns to charge at her but she keeps her place. Focusing her eyes on Lagetha where the general kills the soldier she grips the neck of before darting away. Sprinting into the woods but Ontari still stands there. Her brother not slowing his charge until he's only a few feet from her. His horse rearing in protest before landing back on all fours.

 

“ _The little rebel princess.”_ He grunts and slides off his horse. Pointing his sword for her throat and Ontari studies him. A new scar peeks from beneath the high collar of his thick coat. Ending just before his jaw and she clenches her hands tighter around her daggers. _“Giving up? Realizing your part in Lexa's war is pointless? Realizing you're on the wrong side?”_

 

“ _You're on the wrong side Roan.”_ She tells him quietly and he smiles. A smiles that reminds Ontari of Nia. Bloodthirsty and cold as it graces his lips. A smile that promises death to any who receive it and she realizes that Nia has changed him. That the scar she sees is only a small part of what she'd done to him and she sighs in defeat. There was no hope that she'd be able to convince him to join heda Lexa. There was no hope that she could keep him alive only to come out of the war as the man she knew to be her brother. He is nothing more than a monster who stands before her now.

 

“ _I would have thought your answer to be different little sister seeing as how Lexa was captured by the podakru.”_ She freezes, eyes widening and he laughs. _“News to you? The war is over Ontari. Queen Nia wins. I'll retake Polis in the name of our mother and when the queen kills Lexa.. she'll drag her body through the streets of Polis. She'll force you to watch. Force you to witness your failure to a failed heda then she'll find and kill wanheda. She'll claim the powers of death for herself and you'll be forced to live your life with your failures.”_

 

“ _No.”_ She whispers. Heda Lexa couldn't have been captured. Heda would never allow herself to get captured. Clarke wouldn't allow heda Lexa to be captured because despite her feelings towards the woman she still wouldn't wish death upon her. She knew that. She learned that early on and if Lexa was caught then that meant that.. She shakes her head. Clarke can't be dead. The idea of it burns at her heart painfully. _“No.”_

 

“ _Yes,”_ he motions at a gona beside him. _“Drag her behind my horse then search the woods for the rest of those rebels. I want them all dead.”_

 

The gona grab her and she struggles. Elbowing one in the face before they get her under control. Taking her daggers and binding her hands but not before one of them punches her in the stomach. Knocking the air from her body and she crumbles. Face pressing into the earth beneath her and she gasps for air but when it comes it doesn't wash away the thought that Clarke is dead. The words ringing in her ears but she looks up when gona scream in pain. The one closet to her falling to the ground beside her with an axe impeded in his head.

 

War cries of azgeda rebels filling the air around her as they pour from the trees. Roan shouting before he's knocked to the ground. The remaining warriors killed as Ontari is freed of her bonds. Meeting the harsh eyes of Lagetha where she stands over Roan with a bloodstained axe at his throat as if waiting for her word to kill him.

 

“ _Well princess? What will it be?”_ She asks as Ontari gets to her feet but she can't think. Heda Lexa is going to die, Clarke is dead, the war is possibly over and Lagetha is waiting for the word to kill her brother. An army will still attack Polis whether he is dead or alive and through her haze she feels someone touch her gently. A large hand dwarfing her thin shoulder and she looks up to find Obe.

 

“ _Heda has been captured.”_ She murmurs at him then looks back at Lagetha. Disbelief written in icy eyes and she presses the edge of her axe harder into Roan's throat. The man pulling back from it and there is fear in his eyes. Unmasked fear and Ontari swallows thickly. She can keep him alive and maybe he could find his way back to her if she did. _“Take him to Polis. Put him in chains and keep him alive.”_

 

Lagetha nods and rises. One of the rebels beside her promptly knocking him unconscious when he makes a move to grab the general. Gona move around Roan, lifting him and moving him to take him to Polis as another takes the reins of his horse. Leading it behind the unconscious man and Lagetha approaches Ontari. Waving Obe away and the man obeys.

 

The general is quiet for several minutes as Ontari stands there. Realizing that was why Suoh couldn't find Lexa. Realizing that was why he hadn't returned and that it was why Nia decided to attack Polis again. She knew it was without a leader. She knew that heda was caught and that it was weak. She shakes her head and covers her eyes with her gloved hand. Shivers coursing through her body and she jumps when Lagetha touches her. Hand resting on her shoulder carefully but she doesn't look up. Already expecting the general to be looking at her like she is a failure but she blinks in surprise when the general squeezes her reassuringly.

 

“ _I do not think she was captured. Heda Lexa would not be captured by a branwada such as Dusk.”_ Her hand lingers before it slips beneath Ontari's chin. Forcing her to look at her and while Ontari expects to find dislike written in her eyes. She finds a look of soft respect. Blue eyes yielding an almost paternal look. _“And perhaps you are stronger than I thought you were.. we heard everything Roan said. We heard him talk of failures and I expected you to call for his death rather than his capture. I think I see why Bjorn is so loyal to you.”_

 

“ _You think they are all alive?”_ She asks with hope in her tone and Lagetha shrugs.

 

“ _I don't know but I feel we will soon find out.”_ Her hand drops back to Ontari's shoulder. _“We need to move. His army will realize soon that he's either dead or missing then come looking for him. We need to get him back to Polis and prepare ourselves as best we can.”_

 

Ontari nods, letting the general guide her back to Polis.

 

–

 

Clarke leans back into dusty rock. Her notebook open as Lexa naps by her knees. The brunette curled into a ball almost as Clarke sketches her. Following the curve of her legs where they bent at her knee. Across smooth thighs to her waist where elbows bent almost dug into her waist. One hand beneath her head as the other covers her eyes and she seems so small as she lays there but a sound catches her attention. The sound of a horse's snort but she knows their horses aren't close enough for her to hear. The sound is heard by Mars as well and she stands quietly. Motioning for Clarke to wake Lexa and the blonde shakes her shoulder. Pressing a finger to her lips asking for her to keep quiet but then Mars yells. Her voice echoing through the narrow valley.

 

“Clarke!” She yells again and Clarke breaks into a run to find the warrior but she freezes at what she finds. The red headed warrior carefully pulling a bloodied Ax from the back of her bloody horse to lay her on the rock beneath them. _“I think she's..”_

 

“ _Wait,”_ Clarke tells her harshly. Stopping her from saying Ax is dead as she presses her fingers to her neck to check for a pulse. Pressing her fingers harder when at first she doesn't feel anything. Her skin colder than she'd expect and she drops to press her ear against her chest when she feels a weak thump against her fingers. _“She's alive but barely.”_

 

“ _What?”_ Mars stares at her in disbelief and Clarke is surprised too. The amount of blood staining her clothes and horse means she should be dead. When she checks her body she finds a deep wound along her side that looks as if she'd been stabbed then just cut through her skin to pull the blade free. The blood drying as if there was none left inside her and Clarke clenches her jaw. Looking up when Lexa kneels beside her with her bag in hand.

 

“Tell us what to do Clarke.” Lexa tells her quietly but Clarke isn't sure. She knows the warrior will need blood if she's to even have the slightest hope of surviving but she can't give her that. All she knows to do is close the wound so it doesn't have a chance to bleed any more. “Clarke?”

 

“I heard you Lexa.” Clarke bites back at her and she turns her head to find Brand with near panic in his eyes. _“You start a fire nearby,”_ the man hesitates before Clarke repeats it louder and harsher then she turns to meet Mars' gaze. _“You get water, boil it and when he builds the fire put your dagger in it.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ The woman rushes away but Lexa remains at Clarke's side and the blonde can feel her hovering. A part of it is comforting, but it's also bothering her. She feels crowded, too crowded and she needs to breathe to clear her thoughts. She grits her teeth in thought and shakes her head.

 

“Lexa.”

 

“I'm here.”

 

“Get me some kind of cloth. Clean if you can..” she pauses. “My ripped shirt. Get it and bring it to me.”

 

“Okay.” She darts off and for a moment Clarke is alone with Ax. Her pulse is still weak. Her body cold, still and Clarke is afraid. Her hands tremble for a moment before Lexa is back. The ripped shirt in her hands but she seems to forget she has it the moment she sets eyes on Clarke. The hand gripping the shirt slides across the top of her shoulders and for a moment Clarke thinks she's going to pull her in to embrace her but she stops when Brand begins to build a fire behind them.

 

“She might die Lexa.” Clarke whispers, taking Lexa's free hand and smearing blood across her skin but the brunette doesn't seem to mind it. Grasping Clarke's hand and squeezing reassuringly.

 

“I have faith in you, we all have faith in you to do what you can to the best of your abilities and if it's not enough then-”

 

“Then I failed and your faith in me is useless.” Clarke cuts her off. She doesn't know this warrior beyond her name but she wants to keep her alive. She's done enough killing in her short life. Taken lives and she worries that she may not have it within her to save them as well.

 

“No, no Clarke.” Lexa cuts through her thoughts. Gripping at her shoulder and hand tightly. Holding her gaze even as Mars hands a bag of boiled water from somewhere nearby. “You can do this, I believe in you.”

 

“And if she dies?”

 

“Then I'll still believe in you until my own dying breath.” Lexa squeezes her hand again and Clarke swallows back the fear that rises in her throat before Lexa releases her. Freeing her hand to take the water from Mars. Setting to work cleaning the wound. Heart thundering in her chest but then she learns the wound isn't as long as it is deep. That the weapon didn't seem to have punctured any organs inside. Riding her horse was what had caused her to bleed so much.

 

“ _Dagger.”_ Mars hands it to her carefully. Avoiding the hot edge as Clarke grips it tightly. Forcing herself to focus on Ax when she presses it to her soaked, bloody skin. The sound and smell of burning flesh filling the air before an abrupt scream escapes Ax. Her body jerking up to grab Clarke before the warrior is pushed back down by Lexa. The commander holding her as Clarke pulled the dagger back and the warrior went limp once more.

 

“ _Was that supposed to happen?”_ Mars asks taking the dagger from Clarke.

 

“ _The pain woke her up but she passed out again.”_ Clarke murmured, pressing her fingers into her neck to check for a pulse again but finding it still weak. She sighed, ripping her shirt into further tatters. Cleaning blood away from the wound as Mars retreated to sit beside Brand. Once the area was clean she was glad to find that she'd managed to get the length of the wound. She wouldn't need to hurt her again but there was nothing more she could. She could only sit and wait for the girl to hopefully wake up.

 

–

 

Chains rattled, echoing down the corridor from the cell and the sound kept Ontari on edge. Her body flinching each time she heard metal against metal but the guards near her didn't seem bothered by the sound. Their eyes focused elsewhere even as she moved to pace the entrance. Boots kicking up dust until someone stepped into her path. Her eyes traveled up Lagetha's worn boots to meet her face. The general frowning as she gripped Ontari's elbow, dragging her away from the prison.

 

“ _What are you doing?!”_ She tried to pull herself away but failed. Too tired physically and emotionally. _“Lagetha!”_

 

“ _You shouldn't be there.”_

 

“ _He's my brother!”_

 

“ _And you're not well enough to stand there.”_ Lagetha replies quietly. Her grip not loosening until Ontari was standing beside her own bed in a quiet, empty room. The sunlight blocked out by curtains and Lagetha pushed her down to sit on the bed. _“Sleep and when you wake up you can go back but no sooner.”_

 

“ _I-”_

 

“ _I don't want to hear it. You need to do this because if you don't you'll run yourself ragged and we need you for when the army arrives. Now sleep.”_

 

“ _And if I don't?”_

 

“ _I will send the sky girl, she is already angry with you.”_ A spark of amusement lights in her eyes. _“Told me you had not gone to see her when you returned. She called you many words and I am sure she would hit you hard enough to force you to sleep.”_

 

“ _I didn't want her to see me this way.. I'm-”_

 

Lagetha raised her hand, _“I don't want to hear it. Save your excuses for the sky girl.”_

 

Ontari sighed in defeat but nodded. Lying back in her bed as the general made her way out. Closing the heavy door behind her and leaving her in the dim light of the room. The minutes ticking by painfully slow and still sleep evaded her. The silence of the room deafening in her ears as she'd grown up with some kind of noise to sing her to sleep. She sat up carefully and stood. Leaving the barracks and relieved to find that Lagetha had left no one to guard her as she made her way through quiet streets.

 

She didn't allow herself to think of where she was going. The sound of the ocean growing in the distance and the taste of salt on her tongue. When she finally looked up she stood at the docks but she turned to follow the coast. Remembering the quiet beach that hugged the further end and she jumped over the ditch onto grassy earth. Picking her way through trees until she came to a stop at the sandy beach. The ocean lapping gently in the sun and she sat down. Burying her face in her arms atop her knees with a tired sigh.

 

If heda Lexa was really captured. If Clarke was dead or had somehow managed to escape then would the war die with them? The question settled in her mind and she laid back in the sand. Not minding the sun in her eyes and the thought of if they really were gone, would this all just be one big rebellion ran through her. Could they put up enough of a fight to somehow get heda back from Nia? If Clarke was alive would she take the position as heda long enough to do so? Too many questions and what ifs prod at her weak mind. Wearing it down further as the ocean lured her to sleep.

 

–

 

Dawn approached and Ax was still out cold. Her skin seemingly a little warmer and her pulse growing stronger by the hour. Clarke had stayed awake to watch over her as the others slept. Lexa asleep on her side beside her and Clarke isn't sure when she stopped watching Ax sleep to watch Lexa. The commander asleep with a hand resting on her thigh beside the hilt of her dagger. Clarke's sword at her back but she slept with a peaceful look written on her features. As if they weren't in a war, as if a warrior wasn't possibly dying on the opposite side of Clarke and maybe that was only because of one thing.

 

Her belief in Clarke.

 

A belief Clarke felt misplaced. She was just a pit fighter. She was a killer. She had killed beyond what she could remember and if she had kill marks. Her body wouldn't be able to hold all of them. Clarke sighed in thought. Maybe Lexa was too deep in her obvious feelings for her. Feelings she saw evidence of often because the commander wasn't good at hiding them. At least not from her and anyone who kept so close to her. Feelings that may be mutual and Clarke shook her head at the thought. Turning her head to look at Ax again and she found herself looking into pained brown eyes.

 

“ _I'm alive.”_ Ax murmured, pressing a hand to her side and wincing before Clarke could stop her.

 

“ _Barely.”_

 

“ _You saved me.”_

 

“ _Would you have rather I not?”_

 

“ _My loyalty thanks you.”_

 

“ _And you yourself?”_

 

“ _I don't know yet.”_ The warrior closes her eyes again before reopening to look up at the lightening sky.

 

“ _What do you mean?”_ Clarke asks and the warrior shakes her head. Confusion lingering but then the warrior began to shift as if trying to sit up. _“Stay down, you shouldn't be moving.”_

 

“ _We have to keep moving.”_

 

“ _And you almost died.”_

 

“ _But I am alive.”_

 

“ _And you need to be resting.”_ Clarke placed a hand on her shoulder and pushed her back down. The warrior struggling a moment before giving in with a grunt. _“Tell your loyalty to relax for a moment, that your body needs a chance to catch up.”_

 

“ _Are you mocking me?”_ Ax grumbles, narrowing her eyes.

 

“ _Telling you the truth.”_

 

“ _Sounds like mocking to me.”_ Mars speaks up suddenly with a raspy, sleep filled voice. Making her way to Ax's side. _“Thought you were dead.”_

 

Ax doesn't respond. Simply closing her eyes for a long moment before reopening them. Meeting gray eyes that study her carefully. _“Not yet.”_

 

“ _And she speaks to me. It's a miracle.”_ She laughs gently and Clarke rolls her eyes. Turning her head to nudge at Lexa as the commander has managed to sleep through it all. _“What do we do now Clarke?”_

 

“ _Isn't for me to decide Mars, that is for Lexa to decide.”_ Clarke nudges her again and she wakes. Hand tightening around her dagger until she meets Clarke eye and she relaxes, sitting up slowly. “Ax is awake.”

 

“You didn't fail.” Lexa murmurs sleepily. Touching Ax's bloodied hand when Clarke scoots back to give Lexa space. The commander squeezing her hand but the exile remains silent. Eyes trained on Clarke until Clarke moves out of her sight. Clarke walks until she's alone, sitting with her back to a rock and she finally relaxes. Her body and mind tired after staying awake through the night, weak even and she closes her eyes. Lingering sunlight on her exposed hands warming her but she opens her eyes again when Lexa sits down next to her.

 

“Are you okay?” She asks quietly and Clarke nods slowly.

 

“I'm fine, tired but fine.” She answers truthfully. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yes.” She falls silent and after a moment Clarke takes her hand. Lacing her fingers through Lexa's but the commander doesn't say anything yet. Her eyes focused on their hands instead and she squeezes Clarke's hand warmly. “Mars and Brand have decided to take Ax to Hollow but we will move for Polis. Mars reasoned that we will reach Polis quicker alone but I think there may be something else going on in her mind.”

 

“That courting thing?”

 

“Yes, it may have been hinted at.”

 

“That woman..” Clarke sighs.

 

“Clarke.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I'm not, I mean.. it's not my intention despite what they say.”

 

“I know Lexa,” but her heart sinks. She may have said it before but it meant more when they were alone. It rang truer than when they weren't surrounded by other people and for a moment a hint of sadness sat in Lexa's gaze. As if she too didn't want to admit it. “We should get going. We have a lot of ground to cover.”

 

“You need to rest Clarke.”

 

“I'll be fine.” She releases her hand and stands. Brushing dust off her body then holding out her hand ot pull Lexa up. “The sooner we get to Polis, the sooner I'll sleep okay?”

 

“Okay.”

 

–

 

The prince sits chained to the floor of his cell, icy blue eyes meeting Lagetha's between the rusted bars where she stands with her hands behind her back. He hadn't answered a single question yet. Only stared at her harshly. New scars covering his body, down his chest and across his arms. Scars that would normally be hidden by the coat he'd worn on the battlefield but he sat without it now. His wrists rubbed red from where he'd fought against the chains and braids matted. He doesn't look like a prince now. He looks like a criminal awaiting his heda's sentencing.

 

“ _You're only alive because of your sister.”_ She speaks suddenly and he gives her a dark smile. She knows what she's doing. Giving him something to let him feel some type of power with and he's latching onto it.

 

“ _You take orders from her now?”_ He laughs, _“the great Ingstad is weak it seems.”_

 

“ _You were captured by me, that alone must mean something.”_ She knows she isn't weak. No part of her is weak and she never will be. The man before her is however, he allowed his mother to turn him into a beast that decided to attempt to kill Ontari.

 

“ _I allowed you to take me.”_

 

“ _You were unconscious. Knocked out by a rebel warrior.”_ She laughs at his frown, _“but whatever saves your fragile ego to live another day.”_

 

“ _Where is she? Where is the little rebel princess?”_ He changes the subject quickly with a scowl.

 

“ _Preparing for a battle. Your army still marches.”_

 

“ _My army marches to take the city and to take me back. They will slaughter your warriors in the streets and use their blood to paint the walls. Telling the world that Lexa's little rebellion is no more. They will take your body and hang it from the gates, yours.. your son's and every general within these walls.”_

 

Her anger flairs at the mention of her son but she knows that Bjorn would never fall without a fight. That he had grown since his first major confrontation with Nia's armies. That he was more of a man than Roan would ever be but it still ticks her off. Her gloved hand rising to wrap around rusted metal and Roan meets her gaze with a knowing smirk. A part of her wants to kill him where he sits but she refrains. Ontari wanted him alive so she would see to it despite her lingering dislike for the girl. She did respect her in some way because if it had been up to her Roan wouldn't have made it past the gates. She would have strung him up to scare the army.

 

“ _Get comfortable.”_ She murmurs and leaves the prison. Listening to the sound of chains that rattle until it fades. Footsteps taking over and she turns to face Indra's second. A girl she knows to be Octavia.

 

“ _Lagetha.”_

 

“ _Sky girl.”_

 

“ _Riders from the boudalan approach the gates, Bjorn is letting them in but he wants you there to meet them as well.”_ The girl tells her with a frown and she turns to go but Lagetha grabs her by the back of her jacket. Tugging her to follow and the girl obeys rather quietly when she knows she's more of a vocal person. Lagetha shakes her head, she's learning to take opportunities like any other second would.

 

“ _You are Indra's second right?”_ Lagetha asks and Octavia nods wordlessly. _“Seems she's going soft lately..”_

 

“ _She isn't soft.”_ Octavia defends with a bite to her tone. _“And you'll do well to remember that.”_

 

“ _Threatening me girl?”_

 

“ _Simply speaking the truth.”_ Octavia shoots her a murderous glare. A glare that tells her this is why Indra chose her. She's strong but its untrained strength and once it was she would be a force to reckon with.

 

“ _So you say.”_ They approach the gate and Bjorn meets her eye. The man seemingly having aged in the few hours she'd been away from him. A tired look in his eye when he turns to face the now opening gates and horsemen riding through but it isn't just the boudalan. Ingranrona ride in as well and Lagetha glances at Octavia. The girl frowning at the riders that dismount and the gates close once more.

 

“ _Boudalan.. Ingranrona, to what do we owe the pleasure?”_ Bjorn begins, meeting the brown eyes of the boudalan then the dark green of the ingranrona, recognizing them both by their tattoos. The two men standing side by side as they scan the two leaders before them.

 

“ _We wish to speak with you in private.”_ The man says suddenly. His voice low and gravelly, dark hand coming to rest on the hilt of his sword as Bjorn nods beside Lagetha. Motioning for the men to follow him into a closed off room near the walls. At the door Lagetha pauses, meeting Octavia's hopeful gaze before dragging her in but allowing no others as the riders seem to visibly relax.

 

“ _Speak.”_ Bjorn tells them.

 

“ _Hollow sent me to inform you of the boudalan's joining of heda Lexa.”_ The boudalan man says first, _“he asks that you send me back should you require his armies.”_

 

“ _We may need them sooner rather than later.”_

 

“ _What do you mean?”_

 

“ _An azgeda army approaches the city.”_ He says gravely, meeting the rider's eyes.

 

“ _Then I will go and return with an army.”_ He means it as he makes a move for the door but the ingranrona stops him.

 

“ _Take my horse friend, he is fast. Faster than your own and will run farther than yours ever could.”_

 

“ _I see, thank you.”_ He disappears in a hurry and Lagetha studies the ingranrona. She hadn't expected to see one so far from his home. Especially not one who seemed to hold a promise of alliance.

 

“ _And you?”_ Bjorn asks.

 

“ _Ingrid and Agnes both agreed to an alliance, the same as Hollow did.”_ Bjorn seems to pause when the man finishes. Eye meeting Lagetha's in confusion before he nods slowly. _“They also wished that I tell you of heda and wanheda.”_

 

“ _Heda was captured by the podakru.”_ Bjorn growls at the man but he seems unfazed by it.

 

“ _No, she escaped. She and wanheda rode west. Met my leaders and came to an agreement for an alliance. They sent me ahead to tell you.”_

 

“ _If heda Lexa and Clarke aren't captured then where are they?”_ Lagetha cut in finally and the man shrugged before Lagetha grabbed him by the front of his armor. _“You must know!”_

 

“ _I left a day before them! I do not know where they are!”_ He explained jerking out of her grip and straightening his leathers. _“I have met no other ingranrona scouts or riders, not even the boudalan know where they are!”_

 

“ _They escaped only to disappear again,”_ Lagetha scowls.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I need to update my personal notes. I feel like I'm getting repetitive and either it's because I've forgotten what's happened or because it actually is.


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is kinda boring.

It takes time to get Ax on the back of her horse and once she's up there she seems even paler than before. A light sheen of sweat clinging to her skin and she winces when Mars climbs up behind her. Her normally soft gaze turned hard when the warrior keeps her from falling off the horse. Its a moment of weakness for the warrior and Clarke knows it. She understands it and she nods at her before the three of them begin the ride for Hollow. Leaving Clarke and Lexa alone on their horses.

 

“We should get moving Lexa.” Clarke says the moment the three are gone and Lexa nods. Guiding her horse to head for the boudalan border. Pushing it to speed up and Clarke matches with her. Keeping up easily but Lexa doesn't slow until the sun begins to set. The second rising of mountains growing in the distance over treetops and Clarke knows they are approaching the ouskejon. She hopes Lexa will stop before they cross over and when she does she lets out a relieved breath.

 

“We will leave before dawn,” Lexa tells her quietly as she dismounts. Boots landing on the hard earth beneath her and she begins to dig through the bag on her saddle. Pulling out more dried meat that Clarke is beginning to tire of but she takes it anyway. The two dropping to sit leaning against a tree trunk and chewing slowly. “I will take first watch so you can try to get as much sleep as you can.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.” Lexa replies curtly and Clarke studies her in the fading light. The woman beside her tense and watchful. Eyes carefully scanning the trees around them as if someone was about to pop out of them but all Clarke hears is birds. Chirping peacefully in the last rays of the sun and she knows that they are alone. Completely and entirely alone. She shakes her head and leans into Lexa. The commander tensing further.

 

“Relax, we're fine.”

 

“I don't feel fine.” Lexa confesses, her body still tense. “I didn't even know the assassin was there. I thought Ax was with us but she wasn't.”

 

“I didn't know it either until moonlight reflected off his sword. We must have stumbled upon him in his hiding place and I doubt he was an assassin but a scout instead.” Clarke shifts to meet Lexa's eyes. “Ax may have stumbled upon more of them.. we were in unfamiliar territory. It was just by chance, we got unlucky but everyone is alive.”

 

“For now..” Lexa murmurs and Clarke sighs. Taking Lexa's hand and squeezing reassuringly but before she can speak Lexa opens her mouth first, “get some rest Clarke.”

 

“Sha Lexa.”

 

–

 

Water laps at her ankles and she blinks slowly in the darkness. The moon and stars bright above her before she sits up. Sand spilling out of her hair and off her clothes as she moves to stand, stripping out of her clothes before making her way into the small waves. Diving beneath the surface then resurfacing with a loud curse. The water colder than she expected it to be but it jump starts everything. Her heart picking up its pace in her chest but she doesn't linger long in the water. Rising out after only a few minutes and redressing. Carrying her boots rather than wearing them as she returns to Polis. Not minding the dull scratch at her bare feet as she walks.

 

She stops when she comes across Raven's alleyway. Finding Zero sniffing at walls further down from her but he looks up when she makes her way down. The dog whining softly and trotting to Raven's door. Scratching at the wood with a louder whine until Ontari lets him in. The dog crossing the room quietly to sit beside Raven where she sleeps laid over the table in her chair. Nose buried into the crook of her arm and dust from solar panels covering her arms. Peaceful and calm but Ontari knows if she were to wake while she was there she'd have hell to pay.

 

“Your nomon fell asleep Zero.” Ontari murmurs setting her boots on the floor before gently lifting Raven. Carrying the girl to her bed in the corner and setting her down as carefully as she could manage. The girl not stirring and Ontari suspects she's too tired to do so. Her body too worn out to even feel Ontari taking off her leg brace and covering her body in the thin blanket at the end before she straightens up. Zero beside her legs whining again and she looks down at him, “take care of her for me buddy?”

 

His body moves in response. Jumping up onto the bed and curling into Raven's side with a content sigh. She nods appreciatively, patting his head then turning to leave. Grabbing her boots and blowing out the single burning candle on Raven's table before leaving. Closing the door quietly behind her and returning to the main street but she stops again when Lagetha strides towards her. A harsh frown set on her lips.

 

“ _Where have you been?!”_

 

“ _I was sleeping like you told me to.”_

 

“ _You weren't in the barracks.”_

 

“ _I found somewhere better to sleep.”_

 

“ _With the sky girl? Now isn't the time for you to be falling in love.”_ The general hisses and Ontari shakes her head. _“Riders from the Ingranrona and Boudalan came to Polis with news that I'm sure you'd like to hear.”_

 

Ontari swallows nervously but nods. _“Tell me.”_

 

“ _Heda Lexa escaped the podakru. She and wanheda made it to the ingranrona and made an alliance with them. The last time anyone saw them they were on their back to Polis.”_ The general meets her eyes and reaches out slowly. Laying her hand on Ontari's shoulder, _“you can calm down now. Heda Lexa and wanheda are alive, the azgeda army appears to has stopped and the boudalan are sending reinforcements. You have failed no one and everyone is still alive as of right now.”_

 

“ _How did you..”_ she trails off because Lagetha is shaking her head at her. The look in her blue eyes just reads understanding as she squeezes Ontari's shoulder. _“The army. What do you plan to do?”_

 

“ _We wait until it reaches the walls.”_ Her tone changes as if she's just been given a doorway into something she's willing to talk about. As if interacting with Ontari is strange for her on a personal level and Ontari understands. It's strange for her too. “ _Trenches have been dug that will slow them down long enough for the boudalan to reach us. Long enough for us to prepare ourselves as well but also to get people out of the city.”_ She hints but Ontari doubts Raven will leave now. _“If they wanted to anyway.”_ She adds.

 

“ _I doubt they will leave regardless of the dangers.”_

 

“ _They do not seem the type to do so.”_

 

–

 

Morning grows in the sky and Clarke sits up slowly. Her body aching but her mind clear of any nightmares as Lexa sits beside her still. The commander awake but with a tired shine in her green eyes.

 

“You didn't wake me up.” Clarke stretches once she's on her feet then looks down at Lexa where she hasn't moved. “Why didn't you wake me up Lexa?”

 

“You needed the sleep.”

 

“Saying I look like shit?”

 

Lexa falters, her mouth opening and closing before she shakes her head. “No! You just didn't sleep the night before because of Ax and I just- You needed- you-” she struggles with a frown.

 

“Relax Lexa, I'm just teasing you.”

 

“Can we just get moving?” Lexa stands, the commander flustered as she walks to their horses and Clarke shakes her head.

 

“Sha Lexa.” They mount up quickly and Lexa takes off. Clarke following quickly as they pass by the mountains that rise. Crossing over into ouskejon and Lexa doesn't slow as they ride. Pushing her horse faster and Clarke follows. The hood Lexa keeps over her head falling off in the wind and her hair free but Clarke forces herself to focus on her path. The clouds overhead from days ago seeming to grow thicker above them before a torrent of rain lets loose but Lexa isn't slowing and neither is Clarke.

 

The land around her feels familiar even as it's drenched in harsh rain. The earth turning muddy and mud splatters against her boots. Mud turning her horse a darker color than he actually is and over time the rain begins to let up. Turning from a downpour to an easy sprinkle that doesn't sting at Clarke's eyes. Even Lexa seemingly more relaxed as she begins to slow. Her horse panting heavily as they approach a river. The water flowing by swiftly from the recent rain but Lexa is off her horse. Clarke mirroring her and mud splashing up onto her pants.

 

“We're almost there aren't we?” She asks as Lexa leads their horses to drink from the river. The commander nodding rather than speaking and Clarke understands. Not wanting to hold it against her as she studies the river. “Can we cross this?”

 

“I think so but we may have to find a shallower part of it before attempting.” She murmurs and Clarke almost misses it over the rushing river. While Lexa stays with the horses Clarke begins to wander off. Following the curve of the river but the further south she goes it widens so she turns back. Avoiding Lexa's gaze when she trudges north, the river thinning but it's colder. An icy sting biting at her damp clothes and when she turns to return to Lexa she finds her already standing there. A burst of wind making her shiver and Clarke frowns. “This is close to the azgeda.” Lexa tells her.

 

“And if we want to get back to Polis then we'll have to cross.” She doesn't want to cross here and possibly step foot into azgeda territory. She remembers Nia's promise and its all she can think about once she's back on her horse and crossing the narrow, cold river. Even as the wind carries over her damp clothes that threatens to freeze her to death but Lexa turns them south. Leading to warmer weather.

 

–

 

The sun is above her as she stands on the top of the finished wall. It towers over the buildings behind her but heda's tower is still the tallest building Polis has. The wall only rising to the lower quarter of the tower and Ontari clenches her jaw as she studies what goes on below her. Gona laying spiked walls as scouts had reported a stopped army. Almost as if it's waiting for someone or some thing and it gave time for the boudalan. It gave time for heda Lexa to reappear as well. Not that she doubted the leadership of Bjorn or Lagetha but it wasn't their city to hold. It was heda Lexa's.

 

“ _The sky girl calls for you Ontari.”_ A voice speaks up behind her and she turns. Finding Lagetha standing there with an unamused frown.

 

“ _Are you a messenger now?”_

 

“ _I was just there when she called.”_

 

“ _Why?”_

 

“ _Bjorn asked that I speak to her again about leaving the city.”_

 

“ _That's something for me to do.”_

 

“ _Yet you are here at the wall.. avoiding her.”_

 

“ _I'm not avoiding her.”_

 

“ _You are, now go and see her before she brings this city to the ground in an explosion.”_

 

“ _Did she say that or did you?”_

 

“ _Both.”_ The general grabs her by the back of her shirt and pulls her away from the outer wall. _“Now go. I don't want to see you back here until the sky girl is calmed.”_

 

“ _You will never see me back.”_

 

“ _Just go.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

She takes the stairs down and once she's at the bottom her legs ache but she doesn't stop. She's waited too long to see Raven and it's time to do so. Her heart pounding almost nervously in her chest when she's come to Raven's door and she knocks rather than walking in. A loud howling bark greeting her first then Raven's loud cursing at Zero before the door opens.

 

“Well well well, look who it is.” Raven frowns and she's covered in dust. Her hands gloved where they rest on the knob behind the door and the door frame by Ontari's head. Only Zero peeking out between Raven's legs is happy to see her. “You going to speak or not? Cause I've got shit to do.”

 

“Yes I-”

 

“Going to stop you there because I don't want to hear any kind of excuse. I want the truth. I want to know why you came back from attacking the army but didn't come tell me yourself you were still alive. Why it's taken you this long to come and see me.” She leans against the door frame. Blocking Ontari from stepping foot inside. “I thought you were dead. I thought you'd died during that fight but then some gona shows up here looking for you because no one else can find you.”

 

“I'm not dead.”

 

“Obviously.”

 

“When I was out there we managed to capture my brother but he told me something. Something that hurt to hear and when I came back I didn't think I could face you when I felt that way so I disappeared. I slept on a beach not far from here and when I woke up Lagetha told me that Roan had lied. That heda Lexa and Clarke hadn't been captured. That heda Lexa wasn't with Nia but had gone to the ingranrona. That Clarke wasn't dead and being told that helped a lot.”

 

A softness grows in her brown eyes. She knew how Ontari felt about Clarke and she understood. It had hurt her to learn that Clarke may have been dead and that she needed time to sort through her thoughts. “I understand but you still could have come to me. We could have worked through it together Ontari.” She steps aside to let Ontari into her workshop. Taking her hand when she hesitates. “I lost someone that I loved so I know how it feels.”

 

“You have?” Ontari sits on Raven's bed beside the brunette. “I didn't know.”

 

“I don't talk about him a lot but yes and.. I may have lied to you. I do get the feeling of loyalty to family.” She begins and Ontari isn't bothered by the lie. She understands the need to keep some things private from people you don't know well just yet and she nods her encouragement. Knowing that if she chooses to tell her that her story will bring them closer together. “His name was Finn, he..”

 

Ontari listens to her speak and she recognizes the name. It was a dreaded name. A name few would repeat but during her time as heda Lexa's guard she'd heard it once or twice. A name attached to a deadly story but she'd had no idea that Raven had been his when it happened. She had no idea she loved him and she touches her hand when Raven speaks about Clarke and his death. She hears the lingering pain in her voice but also understanding that Clarke did what had to be done. She finishes and meets Ontari's gaze.

 

“Don't hide from me again Ontari. You don't have to do anything alone.”

 

“I won't,” and she means it. She really means it. She feels closer to Raven than she ever felt with Clarke or anyone else and it feels odd in her chest. Looking at her now feels different than it had minutes ago before she told her about Finn. Her duty to protect Raven has just been added onto. A connection of trust and understanding built between them.

 

–

 

Clarke spots the tower in the distance first, the glow of the fire in the night catching her eye between the trees as she and Lexa walk beside their horses. Relief fills her but she knows they are still many miles away from it but she points it out to Lexa nonetheless. The commander audible sighing in her own relief.

 

“It's still burning so that must mean we still hold it right?”

 

“I'm not sure but I have faith in the ones we left behind.” They cross a shallow creek. The water meeting their knees before they step onto a road. The road quiet with no fresh footsteps aside from the deep grooves of charging horses and Clarke suspects its only scouts. Few animal tracks linger at the edges but a bird flies overhead. The shadow following its track and Clarke can't help herself when she looks over at Lexa.

 

The commander toys with her horse's reins. Fingers running over the smooth surface before scrapping her short nails against it in a downward swipe. It's almost like she's nervous and Clarke is quickly getting used to it. She doesn't think Lexa shows that part of herself around other people but when she's near Clarke she seems free. Dark circles hint at her skin beneath her eyes and she's just as tired as Clarke is in that moment but Polis is where they will rest.

 

“We should ride the rest of the way Lexa.” Clarke suggests and Lexa nods. Climbing onto her horse as Clarke does and they ride a little bit faster. Covering ground quicker than they had before and in the hours that pass. The tower grows bigger and bigger in the distance until they near the walls themselves. Tall, strong and so very metal as they ride the edge of it towards the gate. The guards who spot them first immediately shouting to ones at the gates to open them.

 

“ _Heda Lexa!”_

 

“ _Heda!”_

 

“ _Wanheda!”_

 

The shouts reach them as they ride through. The gates closing behind them and Clarke scans the gathering crowd of gona. Searching for Octavia among them and she lets out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding when she spots her. The woman pushing her way through the gona to grab her hand as if to make sure she was really there but she lets go when Bjorn approaches with Indra.

 

“ _Heda, we heard many things.”_ Indra begins first before Lexa is even off her horse. _“Where are the others?”_

 

“ _Hollow but-”_

 

“ _Where is Alta?”_ Clarke cuts her off and Indra glares at her before shaking her head.

 

“ _She isn't here. We thought she was with you.”_

 

“ _She was for a little while but she went back to Oneida. We expected her to meet us here.”_

 

“ _The only thing riding to meet us here is an azgeda army.”_ Bjorn tells Lexa carefully as if expecting an explosion of emotion but nothing comes. She's quiet as if she hadn't even heard him before she suddenly nods. _“However we did manage to capture Roan.. With Ontari's help.”_

 

“ _Ontari? She's here?”_ Clarke is confused. She shouldn't be here. She should be in Hilelia with the sky people. _“She isn't supposed to be here.”_

 

“ _She and Raven kom skaikru both are here.”_

 

“ _What?!”_ Clarke shouts, _“where are they!? Tell me now!”_

 

“I'll take you to them Clarke.” Octavia answers and pushes her way back through the crowd. Clarke following her with a fury in her steps but Lexa doesn't follow. The commander led away to look over battle plans for the coming fight. Octavia leads her down an alleyway to a door but she doesn't open it. Instead knocking and a dog howls loudly at the sound before the door opens.

 

Raven stares at her wide eyed in confusion. “Clarke? You're back.”

 

“And you're not supposed to be here.” Clarke pushes the door open wider and spots Ontari where she sits in a chair by the window. Her brown eyes wide before she schools her features. Rising to her feet quickly as Clarke crosses to stand before her. “Why are you here?”

 

“Raven wanted to come here so I came with her. Heda told me to protect the sky people and so I am but here in Polis.”

 

“An army is coming Ontari!”

 

“I know but Raven insists on staying.” She keeps calm under Clarke's furious gaze. “It is my duty to protect her.”

 

“And yours to keep her in Hilelia!”

 

“Clarke! Calm down!” Raven shouts and Clarke turns on her. “She's just doing what she's supposed to do. She kept me safe getting here and has kept me safe since then. She joined the attacks against the army to keep me safe and she's here now. Right next to me. Keeping me safe. She hasn't disobeyed.” Raven defends and Clarke narrows her eyes at her. “Chill Clarke, just chill out. It's fine.”

 

“It's not fine Raven. You-”

 

“What Clarke? Say it. Say I can't keep myself safe because of this fucking leg. Just say it.” She spits out and Clarke shakes her head. She knows Raven. She knows her leg doesn't slow her nor stop her and it never will. Not as long as Raven had a say in it anyway but that doesn't change the fact that she just got Raven back. She just learned that she was still alive and she didn't want to risk losing her again.

 

“That's not it and you know it.”

 

“Then calm down. I trust her and so should you.”

 

“I do trust her but I don't want to lose you again.” She glances at Octavia where she stands in the doorway, “I don't want to lose any of you again.”

 

“I know Clarke, just relax. If it goes badly.. if it looks like we won't win then Ontari will get me out safely.” She looks over at her, “right Ontari?”

 

“Right.” Ontari raises her hands, “I've got this Clarke. You know me, we've been through a lot together and you know I'd never let harm come to her as long as I keep my spirit.”

 

“I know Ontari.” She sighs, “Lexa will want to see you.”

 

“Sha.”

 

“Let's go find her.” Clarke turns to leave and Ontari follows but Octavia remains with Raven. The door closing behind Ontari once she's past the doorway and they walk in silence towards the gates. Boots crunching in the dirt beneath them and the sound of gona moving about fills the air until Ontari touches Clarke carefully.

 

“Clarke?”

 

“Yeah?” Clarke stops and faces her, “what is it?”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yes, it was a long journey but good things came of it.”

 

“So we've heard..” the brunette glances down at her boots then back up to Clarke. “When we heard heda was captured.. I thought you had been killed because that's the only way I think you'd ever let heda be captured. You'd have to be dead or captured yourself.” The sadness in her voice pulls at Clarke and she frowns.

 

“Not yet.” She reaches for her. Pulling her in for a hug that Ontari returns after a heartbeat. “It will take more than the podakru to take me down. You know that.” She squeezes her. The soft breath of a quiet laugh against her ear and she pulls back but keeping a grip on Ontari's hands.

 

“I do and now we are faced with another battle, an army. I-”

 

“Clarke.” She's cut off by Lexa when the commander walks towards them. Her jaw clenched and eyes guarded. “The army is moving, it should reach the city at dawn. I was told the boudalan sent an army to assist but it may not reach us in time.”

 

“What?” Clarke drops Ontari's hands. Rubbing her own together in thought. They only had one night to prepare. One night before they're faced with a third battle for control of Polis. “Should probably get some rest before it gets here.”

 

“You should, we've been riding non stop and you need to be ready for tomorrow.”

 

“So do you Lexa.”

 

“I have a battle to plan for.” Something lingers in her voice and Clarke hears it but she doesn't bring it up now. Not in front of Ontari. Not in the middle of a street.

 

“And I'm sure Bjorn can take care of it until you've slept.” She turns to look at Ontari and finds the warrior looking away up the street behind Lexa as if attempting not to hear what Clarke says. “Find us before dawn Ontari.”

 

“Sha Clarke.” The warrior darts off back to Raven's. Leaving Clarke and Lexa alone but Lexa turns to walk away. Making her way back towards the wall.

 

“Lexa!” Clarke calls after her. Jogging to catch up and grabbing her hand but the commander jerks her hand away. As if Clarke's touch had pained her and it sends a jolt of shock through Clarke but Lexa doesn't stop. Her strides lengthening to get away sooner.

 

“Clarke?” She turns to face Octavia where she stands behind her. “Follow me, I'm sure you're tired.”

 

“In more ways than one O..” She replies sadly.

 

–

 

_The city burns. Flames licking at wooden buildings and over metal roofs. Pillars crumbling and everyone around her is dead. Empty and burning as everything around her does but then the gates in front of her open. Creaking open painstakingly slow until it's wide enough for people to step through. Faceless beings in azgeda war gear, black and white fur unmarred by the flames around them as they walk towards her. Circling her slowly with more dead wrapped in white cloth. None of them meet her eye as they set the bodies on the ground. Unwrapping just their faces and Clarke freezes when she recognizes the first one she forces herself to look at._

 

_Lexa._

 

_Soot and blood mixed across her face as her lifeless eyes stare up at the sky. So small and still as she lays wrapped in cloth. So cold when Clarke touches her. There is no rise of her chest in a breath. Her heart doesn't beat beneath Clarke's fingers. Her hands don't move when tears begin to spill down Clarke's cheeks because she's dead. She's dead, gone and Clarke screams. Shaking her roughly because there is no way that Lexa is dead._

 

_Lexa doesn't die._

 

_Lexa can't die._

 

_She is heda. She is the commander. She is Lexa and Lexa doesn't die._

 

“ _Lexa!” She screams shaking her again. “Lexa please! Please don't be dead, please please please!” She chokes on tears and cups Lexa's face. “Please wake up. You can't be dead.”_

 

_Everything hurts. Flames lick at her skin when she glances at the other bodies. Recognizing Raven, Octavia and Ontari where they lay flanked by masked azgeda. Fresh tears escaping her at each one and she looks back down at Lexa. Her face stained with Clarke's tears._

 

“ _I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Lexa. I failed you.. I failed all of you.” She sobs, jumping when someone touches her shoulder. Jerking herself out of their grip when they pull at her harder._

 

“ _Clarke.. Clarke! Wake up!” The voice shouts._

 

“Clarke!” They shout and Clarke snaps her eyes open to find Octavia leaning over her on the bed. Eyes filled with worry and candlelight. Lincoln standing just behind her, rigid as if prepared to fight whatever it was that had terrified Clarke. “Are you okay? What's wrong? Clarke-”

 

“I..” she sucks in deep breaths. Wiping tears from her cheeks before continuing. “It was just a dream.” She touches Octavia's arm, surprised when her fingers find armor rather than clothing and the longer she studies her. The more she realizes that Octavia is dressed to fight, not to sleep. “Why are you in your armor O? What time is it?”

 

“Scouts came back in the middle of the night with word that the army was moving. They intend to attack before dawn at the speed their moving. Leaving behind what little supplies they had left under a new leader.”

 

“A new leader? Who?”

 

“We don't know. One scout says it's a woman, another a man so we aren't sure.” She sits down on the bed, casting Lincoln a hesitate glance before looking back to Clarke with a soft sigh. “I need to tell you something.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Lexa left when the scouts returned. She took half of the army within the city with her.”

 

“What?” Her throat tightens and her heart begins to pound. A part of her understands Lexa's intentions. To attack from behind and throw the azgeda further within range of Polis archers. It was the same tactic they had used at Ton DC but at the same time she feels afraid nonetheless. She knows Lexa is strong, she's the commander. She is the fiercest of them all but there is always that chance and Clarke is sure t he commander hadn't slept after their parting hours before. “I can't believe her..”

 

“She is heda. It's her duty to lead them.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Obe and Lagetha are with her.” Octavia tells her and for a moment it makes her feel better. Obe wouldn't let anything happen to Lexa. Lagetha she isn't so sure about. “You should-”

 

“No.” Clarke pushes Octavia away from her before standing. “We have a fight to prepare for.. now isn't the time to be sleeping.”

 

“You'll need your strength Clarke.”

 

“And I have it.”

 

Octavia nods slowly before taking the candle Lincoln holds from him and gesturing for him to leave. Waiting until he's gone before speaking. “Lexa took your sword but she asked me to give you one in return for it.”

 

She crosses the small room to a table by the door and Clarke follows. Finding a sword sheathed where it laid across the surface. Shorter than Clarke's own but the blade wider. The hilt black metal but leather bound. Crossguard nothing but black metal slightly curved downward over her hand as she picks it up carefully. Finding it surprisingly light in her hand as she pulls back the black sheath to reveal the gray blade. Straight as an arrow until it was free of the sheath. The end curving to a sharpened point and it's not a sword she recognizes.

 

“Lincoln told me it's Lexa's second sword, she forged it after she became heda but she rarely used dual blades so..” Octavia trails off but Clarke nods and maybe it's some off hand apology of Lexa's or just her wanting to keep Clarke safe when she couldn't. She clenches her jaw and slides the sword back into it's sheath.

 

“Where did she take her army?” She asks quietly, setting the sword down and crossing to her armor where it lays across the end of her bed.

 

“To the west woods. A scout returned to tell us she was ready to strike at any given moment.”

 

“Who was the scout?”

 

“Nita.. what are you planning Clarke?”

 

“I'm planning to join Lexa's army. You don't need me here.” She clasps her armor on over her thin shirt. Pulling her boots on and lacing them as she sits on the bed. “Because the only thing better than heda is wanheda beside her.”

 

For a moment Clarke thinks Octavia is going to fire something back at her but she clenches her jaw in silence. Free hand balling into a fist at her side before she shakes her head. “You're going to leave again and once again I don't know if you're going to come back.” She finally admits and Clarke meets her eye.

 

Octavia is right, she could die out there. She could fall on that battlefield without telling Octavia she was sorry for leaving them all behind. She could fall on that battlefield without ever regaining her people's trust and the thought makes her pause. Boot half laced beneath her frozen fingers before she slowly finishes. Getting to her feet and crossing the room to stand before the girl turned warrior. An apology on the tip of her tongue because she's ready to really mean her apology when she says it. She was sorry for leaving them but it was something she had to do.

 

“I'm sorry for leaving all of you all those months ago and I-”

 

“It's okay, I think I get it now.” It's all she says on the matter as she relaxes. Hand rising to grip Clarke's tightly. “Don't die out there, I still want that rematch.”

 

“I didn't plan on dying today or any time soon O and when I come back we'll have that rematch okay?”

 

“Okay.” She lets go and Clarke finishes putting on her armor. Tightening her gauntlets on her hands and wrists before tugging on her jacket over her armor then grabbing the sword. Sliding it over her shoulder to lie diagonally against her back then grabbing her bow and knife before following Octavia out onto the street. Following her to where Lincoln stood by with her horse as if they already knew what she planned to do.

 

She nodded her thanks before mounting. Pulling her hood from the pocket of her jacket and hiding her hair beneath it. Guiding her horse to the gates as they opened slowly. A flashing split second memory of her dream crossing her vision before she pushed her horse into a gallop away from Polis.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> But the next one..


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting next Monday I'll be going full time to a vet tech school. It's going to be a Monday through Friday kinda thing which will really cut down on my writing time. I apologize in advance but I do intend to keep updating whenever I can. I have one chapter written ahead of time that I plan to finish today then start another either today or tomorrow. With that being said I'd also like to apologize because for me this chapter feels kind of rushed but I needed it to happen so you guys aren't waiting for a step forward in their relationship.

She doesn't exactly stumble onto them but a harsh voice makes her jump when she rides by. Immediately slowing her horse as warriors approach her on all sides. One taking the reins as she slides off. Another pointing her in a direction that she hopes will lead her to Lexa. The dark path before her filled with warriors ready for battle until she steps into a circle of warm light from a torch shielded by trees. Lexa standing there with her back to her but Obe and Lagetha meet her gaze.

 

“ _Wanheda.”_ Lagetha says first and Lexa turns. Eyebrows knitted when she finds Clarke standing there. _“We weren't aware you would join us for this.”_

 

“ _I wasn't asked.”_ She replies, holding Lexa's gaze as she moves to stand next to her. The torch light casting even deeper shadows in the dark circles beneath her eyes despite the war paint. _“Your plan is similar to Ton DC's.”_

 

“ _It worked well enough the first time.. but this time it is on a much larger scale.”_ Obe replies and Clarke looks at him, nodding slowly in agreement. _“Heda will lead the cavalry but Lagetha and I will lead the foot soldiers. You are free to go where-”_

 

“ _I'm riding with Lexa.”_ She cuts him off and he nods but Lexa remains silent. Her jaw clenched when Clarke looks over at her but she doesn't meet her eye. She just stands there with her arms crossed over her chest and light reflecting off the metal of her glove before she sighs.

 

“ _We will move when a scout sends word that the attack has begun.. until then, try to rest everyone. Preserve your strength.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_ Lagetha and Obe murmur together before Lexa turns on her heel to disappear into the darkness. Her steps hurried but Clarke follows her. Keeping pace with her despite the darkness until they step out into a moonlit clearing. The commander whirling on her quickly.

 

“What are you doing here Clarke?”

 

“I should be asking you the same thing.”

 

“I have to be here, this is my army and it is mine to lead. I have to protect Polis, I have to keep it out of azgeda hands. I have to protect the people inside like I should have the first time and it's where you should be.” A fire lingers in her eyes, a fierce fire built on the desire to protect her people.

 

“What? No. I shouldn't be in Polis Lexa. I should be here with you when you attack that army.” She keeps her voice low but she's angry. Angry that Lexa still thinks she needs to be kept safe when she's proven herself time and time again. “When will you finally realize that I don't need your protection as I once did Lexa? When!?” Her voice rises and she grinds her teeth, her anger catching up. “I've proven myself to you over and over Lexa! I've fought beside you and I'm sick of having to keep proving myself! You-”

 

“I wanted you to stay in Polis to protect them Clarke.” Lexa cuts her off with a whisper and Clarke pauses. “I know you can protect yourself, you're a great warrior.. far greater than many of my own and I left you in Polis to protect them. To protect Raven and Octavia.. to lead if this coming battle doesn't go as planned. If you and I both die, the war dies with us but if I die and you live then..”

 

“You won't die Lexa.”

 

“You don't know that for sure Clarke.”

 

“I know because I'll be here to make sure you come out alive.” And she means it. She will protect Lexa with everything she is worth and she takes a shaky breath. “They need you more than they need me. You're their heda. I'm just wanheda. They need you.”

 

“But I need you Clarke.” Lexa admits, closing the distance between them. “I need you to stay alive because you can-”

 

“Don't say it's because of the war again.” She's so tired of hearing Lexa say it. She's tired of Lexa not saying what she really thinks and feels in favor of protecting her. If she loves her then she needs to tell her because this may be her last chance to do so. “Tell me Lexa.. tell me why you really need me to stay alive.”

 

“Clarke I-” Lexa begins hesitantly.

 

“Please.”

 

“I need you to stay alive because I cannot even begin to imagine a life without you. I may have done it once but I.. I cannot do it again. A life without you Clarke isn't a life worth living.” She takes a shaky breath as if to continue but Clarke shakes her head.

 

She isn't sure where she stands on her feelings for Lexa. She wants to keep her safe, keep her alive. Likes having her around but she knows there is something there. Something that hides just beneath the surface and she leans forward. Pressing her face into Lexa's neck before wrapping her arms around her and after a moment Lexa returns her embrace.

 

They stand together until someone loudly runs through the woods behind them. A scout bursting into the clearing as they spring apart.

 

“ _Heda! The army has reached Polis!”_

 

She nods curtly at the man, _“go and join the others. It's time to move.”_ He darts off without a word and Lexa turns back to face Clarke. “It's time.”

 

“And we have a battle to win.”

 

–

 

Ontari stands at the wall. Studying the wall of torches that approach them before they halt. Teams of gona shouldering heavy wood ladders rushing the walls before they are shot down by the archers around her. Another set of gona charge the gate with a heavy wooden ram but they too are shot down but more replace them. More and more coming to take their places as others rush to shield them with thick plates of metal on their arms.

 

“ _Heda better hurry..”_ she murmurs to herself. Turning to leave the wall and passing Indra where she shouts orders loudly. Her sword drawn and raised into the air menacingly but she doesn't even glance in Ontari's direction as she descends. Running through the dark city to Raven's workshop. Bursting through the door without knocking and immediately receiving a sharp knife against the skin of her throat. “Raven!”

 

“Fuck Ontari, you scared me!” Raven draws back and Zero wags his tail at her without a care in the world but Ontari hopes he will be protective if he needs to be. “Is it bad out there? What's going on?”

 

“They're attempting to breach the walls but so far they haven't been successful.”

 

“Where is Lexa? Shouldn't she have attacked by now?”

 

“Soon.. I hope.”

 

–

 

Clarke follows Lexa through the darkness. Dozens more mounted gona following them with spears and swords. Armed to the teeth to attack but Lexa slows them. Her eyes studying the still moving army as it crowds the walls of Polis. Completely oblivious to the coming flank but she remains motionless until a sound pierces the air. The cry of a bird that she seems to recognize but she glances back at Clarke. Holding her gaze a moment before raising her sword into the air.

 

“ _KOM WOR.”_ She charges and her gona follow her with matching war cries. Startling the azgeda they charge as they ride through. Sword slashing against bodies and killing. Horses trampling and knocking gona unconscious who aren't prepared to move out of the way as foot soldiers charge alongside the mounted gona. Obe and Lagetha yelling as they attack but Clarke keeps her focus on keeping herself alive.

 

She isn't used to mounted combat but it gives her a height advantage. Keeping her out of reach of swords that swing for her as she slashes out. The gona around her fighting to stay alive as she does and when Clarke finally looks up she realizes Lexa is gone. The commander and her horse missing and panic surges through Clarke. Whirling her horse around to search the dark battlefield until she spots a glint of metal from a glove. The white of Lexa's eyes bright against the black of her warpaint but suddenly her eyes widen. A thrown spear aimed for her and she turns in attempt to avoid it but it still hits her. Clipping her chest and her horse rears at the yell Lexa releases. The horse throwing her and charging through gona as Clarke feels time suddenly slow.

 

“LEXA!” She screams, pushing her horse through gona to where Lexa had fallen but when she arrives she finds the commander on her feet and blood free. Slashing out with her sword at an azgeda before she looks up at Clarke. “The spear.. you-”

 

“A badly aimed spear will not be what takes my spirit Clarke.” Lexa grunts, whirling to block another attack. Slashing her attacker across the chest then looking back up at Clarke again. Eyes softening at the worried concern written across Clarke's face. “I am okay Clarke, you-” she pauses at a shout, turning her head to look to the walls. “Skrish,” she curses.

 

Clarke follows her gaze and finds a weakening line of gona. Either cut down or retreating and she looks back down at Lexa before sliding off her horse. “Take him and go. Rally your warriors.” She thrusts the reins into her hands. “Now Lexa.”

 

“Sha,” Lexa climbs up onto the horse. Raising her sword into the air and letting out a war cry before charging through the thinning ranks. Her warriors following her loudly and Clarke stands there a moment. Watching Lexa lead her army to a sure fire victory. She feels something click in her heart and mind. A surge of pride and affection filling her because there is something about watching Lexa do what she was born to do that speaks to her. Telling her that she may feel the same for Lexa as Lexa feels for her but the feeling is cut short as pain explodes in her abdomen.

 

“What?” She murmurs looking down at her stomach. Hand slowly wrapping around the blade of a bloody sword stabbed through her.

 

“ _The queen sends her regards.”_ A female voice whispers harshly in her ear before the sword is withdrawn. Her body falling once she's free of its sharp edge and she lands on the bloody ground below her. Hand pressed to her stomach but when she looks up at the assassin she only sees a face shrouded in darkness. Nothing to tell her who this woman is as her vision begins to fade. Her hand soaked in her own blood that spreads out. Soaking her shirt and her armor before she stills.

 

–

 

She charges through the azgeda with dozens other mounted gona following her through. Horses jumping warriors as their riders slash out. Blood painting everything it touches and the back defensive line of the azgeda is broken. Trikru, rebels and floukru foot soldiers following the horses through. Cutting their way through as the gates of Polis open. More gona pouring out and joining the fight. War cries filling the air that Lexa mirrors but she freezes when she looks up. Eyes focusing on fresh warriors that appear out of the trees in the promise of dawn.

 

She had been told that the army had stopped and she suspects that this is why. They were waiting for reinforcements and they had arrived. Legions of ouskejon marching before they break into a run. Charging for them and Lexa turns her horse to face them. Knowing the warriors from Polis can handle the azgeda as she points her sword for the ouskejon.

 

“Ouskejon!” She shouts and her warriors turn to look at them. The sudden shift in movement takes Lexa's breath away as they move to greet them. Running to follow Lexa as she rides with the remaining mounted gona but the ouskejon are ready for them. A sudden wall of spears rising at the last minute and Lexa doesn't have a chance to pull up as Clarke's horse is speared through the chest but Lexa takes the opportunity to jump over its head. Landing on her feet and cutting down the gona who turn to attack her with their spears. Her warriors following on foot and horse but Lexa glances back at Clarke's horse. The beast dead and she knows Clarke will be upset but she can't think of that now. She has a battle to fight and for every ouskejon she cuts down, two more take their place. Her own numbers dwindling until they are backed into Polis.

 

“ _Heda! We need to retreat! Regroup!”_ Obe shouts in her ear as they continue to fight but backing up towards the gates. Whats left of her army with her and she knows he's right. If they continue to fight now they will all end up dead at Polis' gates. There will be absolutely no one left to defend Polis and for now it is a defeat. The ouskejon and remaining azgeda will seige Polis until the boudalan arrive. Their arrival will signal the second strike and Lexa nods at the thought.

 

“ _Okay.. sound the retreat.”_ She grits her teeth as she says it but Obe nods. Shouting for a retreat and the gates behind them open wide enough for warriors to begin slipping through as archers above them fire arrows down at their pursuers. Lexa backs with her warriors with Obe at her side. The giant man with his hand on her shoulder to keep her moving backward until they are at the gate. The majority of the ouskejon kept back by arrows but some slip through. Charging for Lexa and Obe but Obe shoves Lexa behind him. Pushing her towards the gate.

 

“ _Go heda! I will hold them off!”_ He shouts and Lexa opens her mouth to protest but he pushes her again. Causing her to stumble closer to the gate and someone grabs her from inside. Pulling her in as Obe continues to fight.

 

“Obe!” She shouts, the man turning to sprint inside after her but the ouskejon charge him when his back is turned. The smallest one latching onto his back and stabbing a dagger through his shoulder as another cuts at the back of his knees. “OBE!” She screams, breaking free and rushing back through the gates. Warriors following her as she fights off the ouskejon who stab their blades into his back before they themselves are killed. _“Get him inside!”_

 

Her warriors grab him, hands slipping beneath his arms and drag him inside as Lexa follows. Her heart thundering almost painfully in her chest as the gates close behind them with a loud thud. Her warriors laying Obe in the dirt as Lexa kneels over him. Hands pressing into his wounds but she knows it won't be enough. He's bleeding too much and too fast for her to even hope to help him but she looks up when Ontari kneels beside her. A grave expression on her face.

 

“ _Where is Clarke?!”_ She shouts, grabbing Ontari by the front of her armor with a bloody hand. _“She can save him! Where is she!”_

 

“ _Heda, she-”_ Ontari begins and Lexa suddenly feels cold. She'd been so caught up in the battle that she hadn't realized. So caught in keeping her warriors alive that she begins to realize Clarke hadn't been with her. That she hadn't seen her since she'd given her the horse. Panic fills her and she shakes Ontari roughly, mouth opening but she can't ask her if she's alive. _“She's been hurt.”_ Ontari tells her. _“Lagetha brought her into the city.. she'd been stabbed through the stomach.”_

 

“ _What?”_ Lexa whispers and Ontari nods sadly. Her gaze turned down to Obe where he lays still on the ground and Lexa looks down at him. The blood no longer pouring out of him as it stains the ground instead. Soaking into the material of Lexa's pants at her knees and his eyes empty. He's dead and his spirit has moved on to another but she touches his face. Wiping dirt from his cheek with her thumb but she can't mourn him, not yet. “Yu gonplei ste odon.” She murmurs, voices echoing it around her as she slips her fingers over his eyes and stands. Ontari standing with her. _“Take me to Clarke.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

Ontari leads her at a hard run through the city to Clarke but Lexa is numb. She doesn't hear the shouts of heda from warriors she passes or Ontari even telling her that Clarke is right through the cracked door she stares at. Droplets of blood leading in before she rests her bloody hand against the wood and pushes it open. The smell of blood hitting her as she moves slowly to where Clarke lays on a stained cloth cot. Blood droplets leading up to her and Lexa drops to her knees beside her. Hesitantly touching her limp hand then up to her shoulder.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa murmurs, paying the healer no heed when he rises from Clarke's opposite side as she studies the woman on the bed. Her jacket gone and her armor cut away. Her wound surely packed with herbs beneath the cloth covering it but blood still clings to the off white cloth. Her pale skin even paler than it normally is and Lexa feels tears sting behind her ears. Threatening to spill out but she keeps them at bay. She can't afford to show weakness now. She has to stay strong for Clarke.

 

“ _Heda.”_ The healer speaks but she doesn't look up at him. _“She bleeds from within.”_

 

She looks up then because she knows that few survive when they bleed from the inside out. She's seen this before and she squeezes Clarke's shoulder. Trying to lend her as much strength as she can to keep her spirit within her body.

 

“ _Heda, I wish to send a rider for her nomon. She is a healer too.. she helped keep Raven alive.”_ Ontari murmurs above her quietly. Her voice pained.

 

“ _Do it.”_ Lexa looks up at her before grabbing her. _“Send the fastest we have. Waste no time.”_

 

“ _Never heda.”_ She pulls herself free and leaves with a frantic pace. The sound of her running fading as Lexa takes Clarke's hand. Squeezing lightly, praying to the gods that Clarke will live another day.

 

–

 

It takes her a moment to focus on what wakes her up. It isn't Marcus' scratchy beard at her bare back between her shoulder blades. It isn't quietly chattering grounders outside her window. It isn't a dog barking at a rooster that cries out at dawn but a frantic looking man held back by Bellamy. The man speaking rapidly in trigedasleng that she doesn't quite understand just yet and struggling against Bellamy.

 

“He just came running up on a sweaty horse Abby. I don't know what he wants.” Bellamy grunted, wrapping an arm around the man as Abby climbs out of her bed. Grateful shes still got on her nightgown before she crosses to them.

 

“English please, talk to me in English.” She tells him and he slows down. Brown eyes frantically searching her face before he opens his mouth.

 

“Clarke.” He whispers, throat bobbing as he swallows. Mouth opening to speak again but Bellamy speaks first.

 

“Clarke? What about her? Where is she?” He growls before Abby lays a hand on him to try and calm him down.

 

“Tell us, what about Clarke?”

 

“Hurt, _beja_.” He says more but Abby is frozen. Bellamy meeting her gaze with wide eyes before he looks to the man. “ _Beja! Heda-!”_ He pleads.

 

“Where is she?” Abby cuts him off as he goes slack in Bellamy's grip. Growing tired of struggling against him.

 

“Polis.”

 

“Take me.” Abby turns, pushing herself past a bleary eyed Marcus. “Get me my bag from medical Bellamy. I-” She sucks in a deep breath. Vision blurry from the tears that form. She'd known this day would come. She knew and she let it happen anyway. Now her daughter was hurt enough for someone to seek her out. She freezes when someone touches her, arms wrapping her middle and hands clasping her quivering ones. Squeezing reassuringly and she takes a deep breath. Inhaling the smell of ocean, earth and something unique only to Marcus. The effect calming her enough to think straight, to focus on what she has to do. “Thank you.”

 

“Of course, now go save your daughter.”

 

“Right.” He pulls away from her to give her space to get dressed. Pulling on boots given to her by a city tailor before crossing the threshold onto the street outside. Bellamy already handing her the bag she'd asked for but all of them pause when Luna rides down the street. She'd only seen her once, the day she'd come into the city with an injured Vane. The same look written on her face that she carries now. An angry, worried scowl set to her lips. “Luna.”

 

“You can't take a horse to Polis.” Luna cuts right down to it. “The city is surrounded by _ouskejon_ warriors so you'll be going to the city on one of my boats and I'm going with you.” She holds out her hand to her. “Come.”

 

“Thank you.” She grasps her hand without question, climbing up onto the back of the horse before Luna turns its head. Pushing it into a hard gallop for the docks on the ocean.

 

–

 

“Heda.” Ontari speaks above her but Lexa doesn't let her gaze leave Clarke's face. She doesn't drop her cold hand where she holds between her own. “Heda.” Ontari repeats.

 

“What?” She growls because she already knows what she's there for. She's there to tell her that either the boudalan have arrived or that the ouskejon have managed to break down the gates and are pouring into the city as she speaks. She doesn't want to leave Clarke again. She doesn't care if the city burns around her but she will not leave Clarke again. She will not make the same mistake twice in one day.

 

“Scouts report the boudalan nearing Polis, they are joined by ingranrona calvary led by Agnes.” She reports and Lexa can feel her dark eyes scanning Lexa's back. “What will you have us do heda?”

 

With a shaky breath she finally looks up at the warrior. Dark eyes filled with fear and worry for the blonde who lays dying. “Gather what warriors we have left that are able to fight. When the boudalan strike have them attack from the gates. Don't let the archers slow in their arrows.”

 

“And you heda?”

 

“My place is here now.” It will be her place until either Clarke wakes up or takes her last breath. It will be her place until Clarke is moved either to another city to keep her safe or to the funeral pyre. It will be her place until Clarke tells her to go, either by her own tongue or by the spirit she keeps in her body.

 

“But heda-”

 

“No.”

 

“Heda..”

 

“I will not leave her again!” She shouts suddenly. Startling the healer but Ontari remains still above her. Nodding slowly in understanding.

 

“I know but we need you. We need heda. Clarke needs heda.” She kneels as she speaks. Voice low and laying a hand comfortingly on Lexa's arm. Thumb rubbing soothingly at the blood soaked material. “What happens if she lives but we've lost the battle? There will be another fight for Polis. Another chance for her to die on the ground outside of this city.”

 

“If we lose she won't be here to fight for it again. If she lives she-”

 

“And you have no say on whether or not she's here Lexa.” Ontari cuts her off almost harshly and she's right. If Clarke lived to see another battle she wouldn't let herself be held back. No one but herself could hold her back from it and it was wrong of Lexa to even begin to think she could stop her. “We need you heda.” She repeats using her title this time. “We need to win this..” she glances at Clarke again. “Win this for her.”

 

“I want to be here in case she..” She trails off, unwilling to say the word that sits on her tongue.

 

“She is wanheda, death will find her a harder foe than any other.”

 

“But I prefer Clarke.” A voice croaks out and Lexa feels her heart skip a beat. “Did we win?”

 

“Clarke.” Lexa chokes out, sweeping bloody blonde hair away from her face. Blinking back tears that sting behind her eyes. “You're awake.”

 

“I feel weak. Tired and weak, empty almost.” Blue eyes meet green and they narrow in confusion. “We didn't win did we? Where am I?” She moves to sit up but Lexa lays a hand on her shoulder. Holding her down gently. “Lexa?”

 

“We had to retreat. Boudalan are coming with ingrangona reinforcements.” She scans her pale face because if this is the last time she will see her alive then she wants to remember it forever.

 

“Why aren't you out there now Lexa? They need you.” With a light squeeze of Lexa's fingers she lets go. “You have to go and lead them to victory. You can't let Polis fall to Nia again.”

 

“But you-”

 

Clarke shakes her head weakly. “I'll be here when you win Lexa. Now go.. win the battle. Keep Polis and bring me the body of whoever tried to assassinate me.”

 

“It was an assassin?”

 

“Yes but I don't know who it was.. I couldn't see her face. She just said the queen sends her regards before I passed out.” She closes her eyes again with a tired sigh.

 

Lexa meets Ontari's gaze before looking back to Clarke. “I see.. rest Clarke, heal and when you wake again this battle will be won.”

 

“Good.” She murmurs opening her eyes again, gaze shifting to meet Ontari's. “Can you give us a minute?”

 

“Sha,” Ontari motions for the healer to follow her out. Grabbing his arm roughly when he begins to refuse and dragging him out. The door closing softly behind them.

 

“Clarke?” Her eyes widen when Clarke reaches out to grab her by the front of her ripped armor. Pulling her down closer to her. “What are you-”

 

“You have to win Lexa but not just for me. For all of us. For your people, for my people, for the ones we've lost and for the ones who have survived. Nia cannot be allowed to continue this war. Too many innocent have died already.” She props herself up with a pained grunt, “promise me Lexa.”

 

“I promise.”

 

“And promise me you won't die because I can't imagine a life without you either. I need you, I need you to live. I need to fall asleep knowing you're alive and I need to wake up knowing you've alive because I have watched you die too many times to count. I have seen your lifeless face haunt my dreams but I will not have it haunt me as I wake.” She admits and Lexa can't keep her emotions locked down any longer. Tears escape her and slide down her cheeks as she leans her forehead against Clarke's because now she knows. It's no longer a question on whether or not Clarke still despises her. On whether or not Clarke feels the same as she does.

 

Clarke loves Lexa as Lexa loves Clarke.

 

“I will be here when you wake and the battle will be won.” She pulls back but Clarke slips a hand behind her neck. Keeping her close and blue eyes drop to glance at her lips before she leans in. Kissing her lightly at first before tilting her head to kiss her a second time. Deepening the kiss as Lexa presses a hand into the cot to steady herself. The taste of blood and war on Clarke's lips but also the taste of a promise unspoken. A promise she can only answer as she kisses her back because the love she feels for Clarke will always carry her home.

 

A knock at the door breaks them apart and Clarke lays back against the bed. Paler than before as the healer steps back into the room. Motioning Lexa to move from Clarke's side so he can work over her and Lexa complies after glaring at him. Only letting go of Clarke's hand when she has to at the last moment.

 

“I will return Clarke.”

 

“Come back victorious.” Clarke murmurs weakly. Looking away when Lexa finally forces herself to leave. Stepping out onto the sunlight filled street outside as Ontari closes the door behind her.

 

“Are you ready for this heda?”

 

“I must be.. let's go.” She strides towards the gates. Determination filling her at every step. Determination to keep her promises to Clarke and when she rounds the corner she has to stop. Finding more warriors ready to fight than she thought she'd find. Armed and ready to fight with anger written plainly on their faces but she suspects its because of the loss they'd suffered thus far. Obe's body already moved but his blood remains. Warriors keeping their boots out of what remains of him out of respect. Her generals standing at the front with weapons at the ready but they are not alone. Bjorn, Lagetha and exile leaders stand with them.

 

“ _This is the last battle for Polis and we will be victorious! We will hold it until the end! We will hold it for those we have lost! Do not let their deaths be for nothing! Fight for them! For the ones who have survived! For all of our people!”_ She hears the sounds of arrows leaving bows above her on the walls but she doesn't look up. She hears the sound of gona dying on the other side as they attempt to gain entry into the city but she holds out of her hand as a second approaches her carrying Clarke's sword. A sword she raises into the air with a shout. Her warriors shouting with her and Ontari beside her letting out a shout that rings in her ears. _“TO VICTORY!”_

 

“ _Victory!”_ A chorus of voices repeat after her and over their shouts she hears the sudden clash of armies outside. Horses scream and war cries echoing over the walls as the gates of Polis begin to creak open slowly. She points her sword to the gate and her warriors turn to leave through it. Beginning the second strike that will tell if they hold Polis or not but Lexa feels it deep in her spirit that this will be a victory worth remembering through the ages.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As much as I would recommend listening to the GoT soundtrack while writing I also do not. I didn't plan for Clarke to get hurt because originally it was Lexa but then I really started feeling the music so it took a turn.


	34. Chapter 34

Sounds echo through thick walls over the whispered grumbling of the healer beside her but she doesn't have to listen to him to know that she's dying. She's still bleeding and she can feel it. She can feel her life trickle out of her through her stomach despite the bandages that cover it and she isn't sure why she's awake. She only knows that a voice woke her. A shouting voice that rang out over her that prompted her to open her eyes only to find Lexa.

 

Bloodstained Lexa. Torn Lexa. Terrified Lexa but only Lexa. The commander wasn't present when she woke. The mighty spirit laying silent as Clarke needed Lexa and only Lexa. It had become a moment that may be their last. A moment that came too late, a realization that came too late because as she dies she knows the only thing keeping her alive now is the love she feels for Lexa. The desire to see her through this battle with breath in her lungs and a beat to her heart.

 

With every shout that echoes through those walls she feels fear tighten its grip on her. Squeezing and threatening to end her right then and there but she lives on. Forcing herself to focus on the man she doesn't know who works tirelessly over her in attempts to keep the blood within her. His head nearly bald but with wisps of gray hair behind his ears. His beard still full but peppered black and white, bound by black beads that click against one another when he moves a certain way. His brown eyes still bright and strong as his body is stocky and short.

 

“ _What is your name?”_ She croaks out to him and he glances up before looking back down. Pressing his hand down onto her stomach that makes her wince in pain. Tears springing to her eyes but she knows he's just trying to keep her alive.

 

“ _Dom.”_ He murmurs softly, beads clicking against one another.

 

“ _Well Dom.. I'm beginning to think you may be the last person I ever speak to before I die.”_ She grunts when he lets up pressure. Dipping a clean cloth into a bowl of water beside him but he doesn't speak as he wipes the sweat from her neck and face. Wiping away dried blood with it as if he is preparing her for her death and she sighs weakly. _“I guess you feel the same.”_

 

He pauses and meets her eye. A certain gleam that seems set entirely in stone before he looks away with a shrug. _“We will see.”_

 

“ _That doesn't sound too confident.”_

 

“ _It is up to the gods if we keep our spirit or not wanheda.”_

 

“ _I prefer Clarke.”_

 

“ _And you need wanheda now, not Clarke.”_ He stands slowly. Crossing the room to gather more supplies before he returns to her side. _“Death knocks at your door, hand at the ready to greet your spirit. A spirit long since absent from the ground where it was born. Death may wish to reacquaint itself with an old friend.”_

 

“ _Is Death one of your gods?”_

 

“ _Death is no more a god than it is an old friend. Death exists only to take us from one body to the next. Death is the bridge that connects us because death is the same for every living being. A death is a death and Death is ready for us at our death. Death who will carry us to our birth but no further.”_ He meets her gaze again, _“we will see what Death has decided for you this day.”_

 

“ _If I could then I would only ask that I see heda make it through this battle alive.”_

 

“ _Only that?”_

 

“ _I don't know.. It has only been a life of death since I came to the ground.”_ She murmurs tiredly. In reality she would ask for a life with Lexa. For a life outside of this war and for a life where she takes no lives but she closes her eyes. Sinking further into her bed. _“Wake me when the battle ends.”_

 

“ _Sha wanheda.”_

 

–

 

Death greets her. Blood stained swords swinging and arrows flying. Horses charging through ouskejon ranks that do not fall to spears thrown up at the last minute. The ingranrona trained in mounted combat far more than any other clan. The horse is not just a height difference but so much more. They are an extension of the warrior who rides them. Where the human arm ends, a horse extends it. Where the human cannot run, the horse does and it is a sight to see but Lexa has to focus. She has to cut down ouskejon that attempt to climb the walls. She has to avoid taking a sword to the neck when she's backed against one of her warriors.

 

She's slashing through the thin armor of a ouskejon second when the sunlight catches on the titles etched in Clarke's sword. Wanheda reading plainly in her mind despite the simple symbols the azgeda had used but it disappears the moment she sinks the blade into the stomach of a woman who swings an axe for her head. The dips in the etching filled with red and she can't help but to think of the irony of it. She can't think about how now wanheda is fighting to stay alive behind thick metal walls. Blood spilling from her body as blood spills from the etchings in her sword.

 

With a grunt she spins, edge pointed at the horse that charges up to her but stops at her sword edge. A bloody, grinning Agnes staring down at her with a blood soaked spear. An almost childlike gleam to her eyes as she lets out a war cry. Her warriors mirroring her as the ouskejon numbers begin to dwindle but the fight is far from over.

 

–

 

“How long until we reach Polis?” She shouts over the wind and water.

 

“Soon.” Is all Luna tells her. Her hands kept steady on the wheel that guides the speeding boat through calm waters. Small waves bursting against the edge beneath and water splashing against Abby's hand where she attempts to keep herself inside the boat. Jackson sitting just behind her but his eyes squeezed shut. It's only them on the little thing. Only a thin metal hull beneath them keeps them from being underwater and while Abby is afraid, Luna is not. Her red hair flying in the wind and the tail end of her long shirt whipping out behind her.

 

She doesn't know why she does this. She could have had someone else take them. She isn't close to any of the sky people. There is more of an avoidance rather than anything else. Only seeing them when it is urgent like it was now. A matter of life and death. The thought brings a fresh set of tears to her eyes. Tears that mix with the ocean spray when she leans her cheek against her hand. Not minding the buffeting winds or the cold sting against her skin but she looks up when Luna turns the boat to round a small peninsula.

 

“We're here.” She says as a crumbling fort comes into view. Docks spreading out behind it but she doesn't slow the boat until they are nearly on top of it. Motioning for Abby and Jackson to jump out as the boat bumps into wooden docks. A healer greeting them once jump out. Motioning for them to follow and Luna doesn't catch up until Abby is several feet from the door that she knows Clarke is behind.

 

Her heart beating in her chest so rapidly that it's almost painful when she steps through. Air leaving her lungs in a soft gasp as she barely recognizes the bloodied girl on the bed. Shirt ripped at her stomach but wound bound.

 

“Clarke?” She whispers touching her. Laying a damp hand against her cool skin before moving her fingers to her neck. Pressing in and hoping for a pulse that answers her waiting fingers weakly. For a moment she's torn. The mother within her begging for her child to survive but the doctor within begging her to shut up and do her job. To make sure that she survives and after a moment she nods to herself. Glancing up at Jackson where he stands with a slack jaw and fear written plainly on his face then she looks at the healer. “Tell me what happened.”

 

“Sword, clean through.” He tells her in clear English and she breathes a sigh of relief. “She bleeds from the inside.”

 

With a shaky breath she pulls at the blood soaked cloth. This isn't the best place for a surgery but it will have to do. It must do. She will not lose her daughter this day nor any other day if she has any say in it. She knows she can do this. She can fix this. She will make it work and she will kill the bitch herself who did this if she must.

 

“Let's get started then.. Jackson-”

 

–

 

She jerks backward, narrowly avoiding a sharp edged sword aimed for her chest. Relief flooding her when the warrior is suddenly killed by an arrow from above them but she doesn't dare look up. The field may be clearing of living ouskejon but she will not give them the chance. She already bleeds from her shoulder. An axe had swung for her, sinking through her armor into her shoulder but she'd managed to push him away before he cut any deeper. It hurt but it didn't stop her.

 

“ _Heda!”_ A voice shouts at her and she turns to find Indra approaching her. Bloody but seemingly okay as she grips Lexa's injured shoulder roughly yet she keeps her face straight. “ _We are victorious heda.”_

 

“ _Sha Indra.”_ Lexa speaks quietly and for all she is worth. For all of her training she's received until this day. It does nothing to hide the pain in her voice. The questioning sadness as Clarke's life hangs in the balance and Indra narrows her eyes carefully at her.

 

“ _Obe was a great warrior heda.. he would wish you to continue this fight.”_

 

“ _He is not the only one we may lose today Indra.”_

 

“ _Who?”_

 

“ _Wanheda.”_

 

Indra stays silent for several minutes. Her eyes never leaving Lexa's even as Ontari makes her way over. Bloody but very much alive as she is flanked by Bjorn and Lagetha. Lagetha bleeding from a cut along her outer thigh but otherwise unscathed. No one speaks as Indra nods slowly in understanding. Her hand leaving Lexa's shoulder. _“You should go.”_

 

“ _Set the warriors to building pyres. They may be our enemies but we all die the same.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

Lexa doesn't wait for anything else as she takes off at a run back into Polis. Running through quiet streets but she is stopped by the healer at Clarke's door. His rough hand shoving at her uninjured shoulder as if she is nothing but a second and she scowls at him. Anger coursing through and her blood beginning to boil because this man dares stop her from seeing Clarke.

 

“ _What do you think you're doing?!”_ She yells, her composure gone in an instant as she tries to move to past him again but he stops her once more.

 

“ _Abby kom skaikru is working to save her life.”_ That's all it takes to stop her from killing him where he stood. Everything slowing as she takes a step back. The man dropping his hands from her but his eyes study her shoulder carefully. _“You're hurt.”_

 

“ _I'll be okay... is Clarke..? Is she still..?”_

 

“ _She breathed as I left the room heda.”_ He pulls at the cut seam of her long jacket. Clicking his tongue at her wound. _“Let me help you heda while we wait.”_ When she doesn't move he taps her shoulder. _“It will pass the time much quicker heda.”_

 

“ _Fine.”_ She lets him guide her to a nearby bench that sits against the wall of the building where Clarke fights for her life. Tugging off her jacket, pulling at the clasps that hold her armor in place before tugging a sticky shirt from her wounds. Tugging it down over her shoulder and stretching the collar of her shirt but it is the least of her concerns. Everything lies with Clarke through the wall. She doesn't feel it when the healer cleans her wound or binds it in clean cloth. She doesn't hear when he scoots away from her. She doesn't hear when Ontari rushes up to her, eyes full of questions that she can't answer yet.

 

She only hears the door open and a woman she vaguely remembers as Clarke's nomon exiting. Wiping her hands slowly on a rag with a distant look in her brown eyes. Worn and tired as she leans against the door frame but she looks up when Lexa stands. Surprised confusion growing slowly before she sighs.

 

“If she survives the night then-” But Lexa doesn't let her finish. Instead slipping past her into the quiet room to a sleeping Clarke. Her stomach bound with no bloodstains but she doesn't greet Lexa when she sits down beside her. There is nothing but the soft inhale and exhale of her breath. The rise and fall of her chest as she lays half covered by a thin blanket. “I don't know how she managed to sleep through it all.”

 

“I don't know.” Lexa murmurs her response, only looking up when Abby sits down carefully beside her. “Thank you.”

 

“You better hope she lives.” Her voice kept low in a whisper as she speaks. Hand grasping Lexa's wrist and tightening by the second. “If she dies then I will not hesitate to kill you. You're the reason she was here. You're the reason she got hurt. This is your fault because you didn't keep her safe.” She hisses and Lexa pries her hand away.

 

“I have tried to keep her safe before but she is stubborn. She has proven herself time and time again that she can protect herself as well as others. My only fault is that I left her alone by her word and believe me when I say I will find the one who did this.” She glares at the woman beside her but Abby doesn't back down and Lexa sees where Clarke gets her strength. After a long moment she relaxes, turning back to look at Clarke once more. “The ice queen will pay.”

 

“With blood.” Abby murmurs and Lexa nods.

 

–

 

Chess pieces move across the board carefully. The hand that touches them dark and Clarke blinks slowly as she looks up. The familiar hum of the Ark meeting her ears as Wells' warm smile greets her. He motions for her to make a move and she reaches out carefully but pauses. Her arm is clean. Her skin lighter than she remembered and there are no scars. Mud isn't caked beneath her fingernails and her stomach doesn't hurt when she presses her right hand against herself.

 

“Clarke?” Her friend looks at her in confusion. “Are you okay?” He touches her frozen hand where it still hangs in the air and his touch is warm but she knows it shouldn't be. He's dead and this is a dream. It has to be a dream. She remembers the battle and Polis. She remembers being stabbed by an assassin. She remembers Lexa's kiss and her promises but she's on the Ark. Playing chess with a ghost. “Hello? Clarke?” He waves his hand in front of her but she swats him away.

 

“I need.. I need a minute.” She stands and follows lit corridors. Passing by windows that look out into the emptiness of space and the earth that spins on and on. An earth that holds Lexa, that surely holds all of the ones she knew were supposed to be dead but she turns away from another open window. Making her way to where she knows her dad is supposed to be. Turning another corner and halting when she spots him through an open door.

 

He is everything she remembers him to be. Tall, strong and light brunette hair graying. Blue eyes vibrant when he looks up at her from what he works on. Lopsided grin the same as it had always been as he motions her over but she doesn't walk to him. She runs. Throwing herself into his embrace and squeezing as tightly as she can because when she wakes up she won't see him again. She won't feel his warmth or the scent that is so uniquely him that it's almost suffocating but he pulls back far too soon. Touching her face with a smile so real that for a second she forgets this is a dream.

 

“What is it sweetheart?” He asks gently with concern.

 

“Dad, I..” She smiles before tugging him back in for another hug. “I just missed you is all.”

 

“I missed you too kiddo but you're not supposed to be here.” He pulls back, brushing blonde hair away from her face. “The battle is over and it's time to go back Clarke.”

 

“Just one more minute?” She asks burying her face in his neck as he nods slowly.

 

“Just one sweetheart.”

 

It doesn't feel like a whole minute. It feels like half of one before she's blinking up at a cobwebbed metal ceiling. The room filled with fresher air than before and she doesn't feel so empty anymore. She feels whole. Completely and entirely whole. Her lungs fill with easier breaths as she lays a hand gently against her stomach. Nothing but a dull pain greeting her as someone moves beside her. A warm hand covering hers and a set of green eyes meet hers. Lips turned up into a welcoming smile as a clean face looks down at her.

 

“Clarke.” Lexa murmurs, squeezing her fingers lightly.

 

“We won?” Clarke asks and Lexa nods as she scans her body. Eyes lingering on her wrapped shoulder. “You're hurt.”

 

“I'm okay.”

 

“What happened?”

 

“It was just an axe, it did not go too deep.”

 

“Just an axe..” She scoffs, looking around the room at the people who sat nearby. Spotting her mother dozing quietly in the corner as Ontari stood leaning in the open doorway. Raven leaning against the opposite door frame from her and talking quietly. Dom absent from the room but she looks back up at Lexa. “Did we lose anyone?”

 

Lexa visibly swallows and nods. “Obe.. he.. he made sure I got back behind the gates when we had to retreat but..”

 

“He's dead.” She whispers. She never thought she'd see the day where Obe was dead but here she was. Lying on what could have been her death bed while he is actually dead. She won't see his smile anymore or hear his useless facts. He won't throw a shadow over her when he stands next to her or guard the door in Lexa's tower and she takes a shaky breath at the thought. “I will miss him.”

 

“As will I.” Lexa squeezes her hand again as Ontari and Raven finally take notice of her being awake. The two crossing the room quickly but Raven stops to wake Abby from her nap. Her mother springing into action before she realizes whats going on.

 

“Mom.”

 

“Clarke, honey.” She kneels by her bed. Taking her free hand and stroking her cheek with the other. “I didn't think you'd wake up today.”

 

“Surprise.” She's still too weak to move much but she manages a smile.

 

“As if anything is going to take wanheda down.” Raven comments from her place beside Ontari and while Clarke feels little bothered by the title. She can't help but to smile because she's right. She has survived far too much to die by an assassin and maybe it means she really is the one who controls death. She should have died. Just as Ax should have died but had somehow survived. “Good to see you awake again Clarke.”

 

“I'd say it's good to be awake too but I'm tired.”

 

“Get some rest honey,” Abby murmurs. “We'll be here when you wake up.”

 

“All of you should be getting your own rest.”

 

“We will.. eventually.” Raven teases with a grin.

 

“Sleep Clarke, when you wake again you'll be moved to a safer place.” Lexa cuts in suddenly and Clarke looks up at her. There is still evident worry there, fear even and she nods in understanding. “The tower most likely.”

 

“The big bed in the sky?” She mutters closing her eyes and sleep threatening to take over once again but she hears Lexa's voice as she drifts off.

 

“Sha.”

 

–

 

Lexa watches her sleep after everyone else has left. Either to find beds or food she doesn't know nor does she really care. She's alone in this room with Clarke. The healer still gone and only a candle beside her keeps her company. The flame flickering silently and with each rise of Clarke's chest she feels her walls crumble.

 

This is her fault.

 

If she hadn't left Clarke then she wouldn't be here. If she hadn't forgotten about her in the battle then she wouldn't be here. She wouldn't have a new scar to join countless others. She wouldn't have bled and nearly died. She would have joined her in the second strike and maybe Obe would still be with them but Lexa made a mistake. A mistake that nearly cost her the lives of two people she deeply cared for. Her hands tremble at the thought before she clenches them into fists. Swallowing back the onslaught of emotion that rips through her but a tear still manages to slide down her cheek.

 

“Why are you crying Lexa?” Clarke's asks her sleepily. Blue eyes blinking open before she reaches out. Laying a hand over Lexa's clenched fist but Lexa doesn't speak. Simply shaking her head because this isn't something for Clarke to worry about. This is her own to deal with and hers alone but Clarke shifts. Pushing herself to sit up with a grunt before Lexa can stop her.

 

“Clarke, you shouldn't-”

 

“I'm fine but you aren't.” She grips tightly at Lexa's arm for support until she can grab at the front of Lexa's torn armor. Tugging her closer and Lexa complies with her demand. Letting herself get wrapped up in an awkward hug and for a moment she's frozen knowing she doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve what Clarke gives her because of what she'd done. “This isn't your fault Lexa. I told you to go because I knew it was what had to be done. What happened to me was my mistake. I should have known she was behind me but I let myself get absorbed in my thoughts. It is my own fault Lexa and mine alone.”

 

“But Obe is my fault all the same.”

 

“No Lexa, he wasn't your fault either. He did what he had to do to keep you safe.”

 

“I was inside when they attacked him. I was already safe.”

 

“And he made sure you were there before he went to retreat himself. Not your fault.” She draws back carefully but her hand stays on Lexa's arm. Twisting in rough material as she leans in but the door opens behind them and she pauses with a groan. Either out of pain or being disturbed Lexa doesn't know but Clarke lays back in her bed.

 

“ _Good, you're both here.. pyres have been built but we await you heda.”_ Indra speaks with an edge of sadness and Lexa nods slowly. She knows her general is upset over the loss of Obe just as much as she is.

 

“Go Lexa, I'll be here when it's over.” Clarke pats her bent knee but Lexa shakes her head.

 

“You should be there as well. Obe was your friend as much as he was mine. As much as he was all of our friend. He would want you there.”

 

“I don't think that I can..” she trails off and Lexa nods. Standing quickly but stooping low. Slipping one arm beneath Clarke's knees and the other behind her back before lifting carefully. Not missing the sharp intake of breath that escapes Clarke before she settles. Hands digging into the flap of coat across her chest but head on Lexa's shoulder.

 

“Is this okay?”

 

“Yes but I don't think my mother will be too pleased with this much movement.”

 

“You should be there.” Lexa reasons as she crosses over the threshold carefully. Stepping out into the cool night lit by torches as Indra leads them to the gates of the city. The only place big enough to hold so many pyres.

 

“I guess she'll have to get over it then.” Clarke murmurs as they step out. Her gaze turned to the pyres that sit ready to be set ablaze. Bodies piled neatly with wood and Lexa feels the soft sigh that escapes her through her arm. “There's so many.”

 

“Too many.” Lexa corrects when they come to a halt beside Indra. The rest of her generals flanking her with Bjorn, Lagetha and Ontari. Raven, Octavia and Lincoln present closer to the front ahead of the surviving warriors but Lexa is confused when she spots Luna. Dressed in all black and her red hair pulled back in braids rather than free as she normally kept it. A harsh set to her brown eyes when they land on Clarke but she looks away quickly. “Luna is here.”

 

“She may have brought my mother.” Clarke murmurs as Indra lights torches. Handing them to generals and directing them to pyres to set before she sets her eyes on Lexa again.

 

“ _Heda?”_ She waits for the go ahead and Lexa gives it to her with a curt nod. As Indra lights the first, the other generals follow her lead. Setting all pyres ablaze and a quiet chorus of _yu gonplei ste odon_ echoing from generals.. The warm glow chasing away the darkness and smoke rising high but Indra is back beside her again. _“Obe is inside Polis. All of us agreed that his body and spirit should be returned in the place he loved the most.”_

 

“ _I agree, take us there.”_ Indra does as she is told. Leading them back into Polis with the other generals until they come to a single pyre built before Lexa's tower. Sitting in the same exact spot that Obe was promoted to guard captain in. The same spot he was accepted into guard training and the guard as Lexa and the previous commander conducted such ceremonies before the entire guard. A number far too great for the throne room.

 

Indra eyes them but then Clarke holds her hand out once Indra has lit the torch. “I wish for both of us to send him home.” She explains when Lexa looks down at her.

 

“Okay.” Indra hands it over then into Clarke's waiting hand and she holds it out away from them as Lexa moves. The end meeting the soft cloth that covers Obe's body and it instantly goes up in flames. “Yu gonplei ste odon old friend.”

 

“May we meet again.” Clarke murmurs after her.

 

–

 

Footsteps echo through clear from the entrance of the throne room to the throne itself. Quick but confident at every step as the woman approaches her and she can't hold her smile when she comes to a stop before her throne. She slowly removes her hood, snowflakes shaking off the white material to rest of the gray of her fur lined coat and for all the blood that separates them they still look alike but Ontari isn't this girl.

 

She's different and the true heir to her throne despite skewed bloodlines. Her sire long forgotten but she looks the part and no one will question it. No one will question the one who stands before her. Her hair as dark as Ontari's, her eyes the same as hers but she stands taller. She is lithe and quick while Ontari was less so but there is something far greater than separates them. She isn't weak. She is ruthless. She is bloodthirsty. She is merciless and most of all she is loyal.

 

She is everything that she wants in an heir.

 

“ _Well?”_

 

“ _Wanheda is dead but Roan has been captured. Lexa holds Polis despite the ouskejon forces as the boudalan and the ingranrona have joined her.”_

 

“ _Are you sure the girl is dead?”_ She trusts her well enough but she knows wanheda has a knack for staying alive. If wanheda is dead then Lexa is weak. Her spies have told her of her feelings for wanheda and she knows that Lexa losing a second love will well and truly destroy her.

 

“ _I watched her die with my own eyes mother.”_ She draws a blade from her hip that is covered in dried blood. From the blade's tip to the hilt as she presents it to her. _“I have not cleaned it so that you may know I am true to my word.”_

 

Nia stands slowly, crossing to where the woman stands with the sword held out in both hands but she doesn't take it. Simply eyeing it before meeting brown eyes that fill with a sadistic glee before she opens her mouth to speak but she stops when Nia raises her hand. She is sure that it's a heart shattering tale but she has more important things to worry about now.

 

“ _You say the ingranrona joined Lexa?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _I think it may be time you pay them a visit..”_ She turns and reclaims her throne before meeting the smile she receives. The girl is excited. Just as excited as she was when she was ordered to kill wanheda. She'd kept her hidden. Kept her close until she'd gotten word that Clarke and Lexa were on the move back to Polis. She chose it as a perfect opportunity to test her loyalty and her ruthlessness but now she is ready for more. _“Go and ride for Castal. Gather the podakru armies and attack the northern borders of the ingranrona. The delfikru will not stop you as they have claimed neutrality in this war. Given any and all clans opportunity to cross their lands without fear of being attacked.”_

 

“ _Sha nomon.”_ She turns to go.

 

“ _I was not finished.”_ She hisses harshly and the woman looks back up at her with a frown. _“I want you to kill Myla kom ingranrona. The only living daughter of Ingrid. Make her pay for this betrayal in blood. Make her watch. Make it slow and painful.. do you understand me?”_

 

“ _I understand nomon.”_

 

She smiles, pride swelling in her chest. _“Make me proud Echo.”_

 

Silence fills the throne room once Echo is gone. The doors at the end of the hallway closing with an echo that reminds her of just how empty this room is but she stands. Crossing to a doorway and a set of stairs that lead down beneath the cathedral. The stairs spiraling down and frosted over as it's colder below than it is above despite the torches burning on the wall as she descends. It's just cold enough down here to keep prisoners alive but also to make them suffer and when she steps down off the last step she smiles.

 

Her prisoners don't move as they sit huddled into corners of their respective cells but she doesn't stop walking until she comes to the most important two that she has. She hadn't expected to capture them like she had but the gods had been generous. Giving her the ones that wanheda loved on a silver platter. Their bodies shaking but when one of them looks up at her. Finding her standing there something in the air seems to shift. A racing anger that flowed from the woman's body as she stood despite the cold. Crossing to stand at iced over metal bars. Skin pale and quivering but her gray eyes lit with fire.

 

“ _Wanheda is dead.”_ She tells her and her other prisoner's shift at her words. The guards that watch them moving as if their queen is about to be attacked through the bars. _“She died for Polis, for Lexa and you could do nothing about it.”_

 

“ _Wanheda doesn't die.”_ A voice speaks that isn't the warrior before her but the cell next to hers. An azgeda healer that was exiled for mass murder or so she thought and Nia moves to stand before her cell. The woman looking up at her from her spot against the wall. Ice in her dark hair and on the dark, thin robe she wears. _“Wanheda doesn't die.”_ She repeats.

 

“ _Wanheda doesn't die.”_

 

“ _Wanheda doesn't die.”_

 

“ _Wanheda doesn't die.”_

 

More voices join in. A haunting chant filling the air that has her guards shouting for silence but they are ignored as Nia moves to leave. Her steps slow and confident but a hand reaches out between the bars of a nearby cell. Gripping her by the arm so tightly and coldly that for a second she believes Death has just grabbed her but it's Alta.

 

“ _Wanheda doesn't die.. but you will.”_ She growls out harshly before a guard breaks her grip. Shoving her backward into her cell and Nia escapes.

 


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this is late but last Tuesday I got home from class and I passed out. I was too tired to do anything.

Morning greets her through opened windows that don't look into her room. The furs beneath her softer and warmer, the sheet over her body just as soft as the furs. The bed bigger and so much more extravagant. Sunlight filters through openings in the decorative wall near the bed and shadows shift as if someone moves on the opposite side. She pushes herself back but she stops from the pain that thumps from her stomach. Heavy and harsh as if she's hurt herself again but she freezes when Lexa steps out from behind the wall.

 

“Clarke? What-”

 

“Where am I?” Clarke cuts her off. This room isn't familiar and it takes her a moment to realize she's laying in Lexa's bed in her room. She recognizes the couch and chair that sit a short distance from the bed. A wooden table before them but an open book on its worn surface. “Why-”

 

“You fell asleep during the ride up here.” She begins, frozen in her spot. “I thought of taking you to your room but I ended up bringing you here. You seemed far more content in my bed than I thought you would have been in your own but if you want then I can-”

 

“No.”

 

“No?”

 

“I want to stay here but can you find my mother for me? I think I may have..” She tugs down the sheet over her stomach. Spots of blood growing against the white bandaging. “I tore it open.”

 

She doesn't speak as she darts away. Throwing open one door to her room and shouting orders to her guards before returning but she pauses at the foot of the bed as if uncertain she was welcome anywhere near Clarke. Guilt clear as day in her eyes as Clarke lays back on her bed. Holding out her hand to Lexa and motioning her closer. She moves slowly but jumps back into her place when Abby rushes into the room.

 

“What did you do?” She asks kneeling on Lexa's bed. Studying the slowly reddening bandage.

 

“I moved wrong is all.”

 

“You need to be careful Clarke.” Abby cuts the cloth away gently and sure enough Clarke had torn a stitch. “I was surprised you didn't tear one after what Lexa did with you. Carrying you all over this city then into this tower..” She shakes her head. Cleaning the wound of blood before beginning to stitch her back up. “You have to let yourself heal Clarke.”

 

“I know mom.” She winces as needle pierces her skin.

 

“I mean it Clarke.”

 

“I know.”

 

“Only get up if you have to but let someone help you.” She glances back at Lexa then down to Clarke again. “The guard's told me this was their heda's room.”

 

“I brought her here because this is where she'll be the most comfortable as well as the safest.” Lexa finally speaks up. Shifting under Abby's gaze when she looks at her again. “There will always be guards posted outside and a handmaiden nearby should Clarke need it. You are welcome to stay on this floor as well Abby kom skaikru to take care of her.”

 

“I may take you up on that.” Abby returns to binding Clarke's stomach once she's finished replacing the stitch but Clarke holds Lexa's gaze. She wonders how this will work out. If Lexa will sleep in her bed with her or not. If Abby will gave her space and not hover as she will surely do more often than not. She rises once she's finished. Wiping her hands on a rag from her pocket after she's put everything away. “Be careful Clarke.”

 

“I will.” She waits until the doors close behind her mother before motioning Lexa closer again. “Come here Lexa.”

 

“I don't want to hurt you.”

 

“You won't, come here.” She holds out her hand when Lexa moves carefully to stand beside the bed but Lexa doesn't take it. Worry, fear and guilt still clouding her but Clarke grabs the tail of her shirt. Pulling on her hard enough to have the commander kneeling on the bed. “Lay down with me Lexa.”

 

“I have to-”

 

“Only for a few minutes.” She murmurs and Lexa finally gives in. Shifting to lie on her side beside Clarke as her boots hang over the edge of the bed. Hands kept away but Clarke keeps her hold on Lexa's shirt. She won't let her back away. Won't let her run but she wishes she'd touch her. Wishes she'd lay an arm over and curl into her. Wishes she'd give her that feeling of safety that she craves right now but Lexa remains stiff and distant. Time passing far too quickly before Lexa is pulling away and Clarke let's her go. Remaining awake long enough to meet the fleeting glance that Lexa gives her before disappearing through the doors.

 

–

 

Leaving Clarke is hard but she must do it. She has to meet with Agnes and the other leaders who joined her in the battle. She must thank them for their help but she has to send Agnes back. She knows Nia won't like that the ingranrona have betrayed her. That she'll want revenge for what they've done and she knows that Colum may be near defenseless now. She must also find a new captain of the guard. Find a place for Bjorn, Lagetha and their remaining rebels still hidden but judging by Lagetha's show of loyalty. She may already know her place. Bjorn also proving himself to be dependable in the field as well as behind maps.

 

She sighs before stepping into the war room. Heads turning up suddenly, on their feet and looking at her with respect as she crosses the floor to take her seat at the head of the table. Indra and Lagetha flanking her on equal sides. She motions for them to sit as they still stand awaiting her commands and they move with fluid motion to reclaim their seats.

 

“ _Report.”_ She commands and Indra meets her gaze first as she is on her right.

 

“ _The ingranrona and the boudalan turned the tide of the battle. Saving the warriors we had left from the first attack. I have received word that few from their clans were lost.”_ She pauses to catch her breath. _“There are also reports of trikru asking to reclaim homes in Polis that relatives left behind. Reports of traders looking to enter the city and begin trade again. Those who were relocated to Hilelia wish to return as well and.. something else.”_ She's hesitant on the last part and Lexa nods for her to continue. _“Roja and her son are in Polis.”_

 

She knows Roja, she was Obe's before she left. Her son is their child and a boy she knows as Couis but she doesn't know why they are there. News of Obe's death couldn't have reached them so soon but she nods slowly.

 

“ _I will meet with them soon.”_

 

“ _I have nothing more to report heda.”_ Indra looks away across the table to Lagetha. The rebel sitting almost rigid in her seat before looking up at Lexa.

 

“ _Heda Lexa.”_ She begins, straightening in her seat and raising her chin in a show of strength that Lexa respects. _“In the wake of the battle.. The rebels and I have no where to go. We-”_

 

“ _You are welcome in Polis as well as among my forces.”_ Lexa cuts her off. _“Your rebels proved themselves formidable fighters in the face of what could have been certain death but they were strong and Polis would be honored to house all of you. Send word to any remaining rebels beyond the walls to join us and they too will be welcomed.”_

 

“ _I.. thank you heda.”_ She nods and Bjorn beside her grins happily and Lexa returns his smile after a moment before falling back into seriousness.

 

“ _Also.. I am aware that we have no yet won the war but I will still extend a welcome to the exiles who joined us in this fight.”_ A man she had learned as Jay meets her gaze from his spot down the battle. The exile sitting between two burly generals while he himself is small in form. _“If they will join us.”_

 

“ _We will heda.”_ He nods but she moves on.

 

“ _As many of you know we lost Obe and despite his death we must move on. We must think to the future of Polis, it's people and with that in mind I will announce that I am now seeking a new captain of the guard. The captain must be loyal, fierce but still kind. They must be willing to do whatever it takes to keep Polis strong. They will be in command of the guard as well in charge of training new guards. It will be their responsibility to ensure that they are loyal just as it is my responsibility to ensure that the new captain is loyal.”_ She meets the faces of each person at this table because she knows that these are the ones she will choose from. _“All of you at this table are the ones I will be watching for this position.”_

 

“ _Heda-”_ Bjorn begins.

 

“ _All.”_ She states with finality and he nods. _“Does any one else have anything to add before we leave this room?”_

 

Silence greets her and she rises from her seat. Her generals rising with her but she crosses to Agnes. The leader smiling as if she already knows what Lexa is going to speak with her about but they wait until the room is empty and the door is closed.

 

“ _Agnes.”_

 

“ _I think I already know what this is about heda and I agree with you. I will return to Colum but I am leaving my force with you. There are many more warriors in my homeland to protect the city but I feel uneasy..”_ she admits as her smile slips into a frown. _“I must be there should something happen and if I am not.. and something happens to Ingrid then I will never forgive myself.”_

 

“ _Go Agnes. Protect her and her children.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

The leader leaves and after a moment Lexa follows. Preparing herself to meet the fire that is sure to be Roja and her son. Indra immediately falling into step with her as she walks the short hallway to the lift that will take them down. The two riding down in silence but then Indra takes the lead once they are on the ground floor. Leading her to a room through a closed door and when she steps in she meets the sharp gaze of Roja. A woman who has changed little in her time away from Polis but then she looks at the young boy who lingers at her side.

 

He reminds her of Obe in so many ways. He's tall for this age and she suspects he will only grow taller as he ages. His black hair free of any braids but pushed back as if his mother had combed it back with her fingers. The way he looks at her tells her that he doesn't know who she is. That he may not even have known that Obe was his father but she looks back to Roja. The woman not showing an ounce of emotion in her face that she'd be trained to do since she'd first come to Polis.

 

“ _Roja.”_

 

“ _Lexa.”_ She speaks the name with venom on her tongue but there is something in the light of her eye that murmurs loyalty and something else. Something Lexa is used to and her heart goes out to Couis. _“He's gone?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _Protecting you I suppose.”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _At least he died doing what he was born to do.. protecting the ones he cared for.”_ Her voice lowers into softness before she kneels beside Couis. Cupping his cheek and forcing him to meet her gaze. _“Couis, pay attention to me now.”_ He nods carefully before she continues. _“This woman is heda Lexa, do you understand? She is your commander. She is the one you serve. She is the one you will one day fight for just as your nontu did.”_

 

Roja herself feels so little loyalty for Lexa but her loyalty for Obe has no bounds. She always loved him and will until her dying breath. Obe had always had the open opportunity to see him until war had begun to brew and that had been the cut off but now Roja was attempting to make amends with a ghost. Giving up her son to heda Lexa may be the only way for Couis to ever feel close to his father and for a long minute Roja is silent. Thumbs rubbing against Couis' soft cheeks before she presses a soft kiss to his forehead. Murmuring a soft I love you against his golden skin before standing again.

 

“ _Train him well Lexa. I do not wish to hear the whispers of two men I love and lost in my dreams.”_ Roja tells her as she stands. Dropping her hands from Couis and leaving the room without looking back. The boy remaining frozen for a second after she is gone but he bolts for the door and Lexa is quick to grab him. Roja is gone and now heda isn't required of her. She can be just Lexa. She can hold a squirming, crying child that fights to be released as Indra looks on. The general softening as she reaches out. Voice low as she attempts to soothe him before he grows tired. Going slack in her arms before he turns to wrap small arms around Lexa's throat.

 

“ _Indra?”_

 

“ _Seems he has attached himself to you heda.”_ She rubs his back and Lexa sighs. Seems she and Clarke will have a new friend for tonight.

 

–

 

It isn't strange that she feels at home in a throne room. She knows she was born to rule from one. She was born to look down on those lesser than herself and while she sits herself on Dusk's throne she knows this isn't the one. It's uncomfortable and smells of bones but she keeps her seat as the dawn rises outside. As the morning comes the podakru boy will come. He will kneel before her on snakeskin rugs as she makes her demands for him to move his army to the ingranrona.

 

The guards who had been positioned at the door lie dead in a pool of their own blood. Throats cut and her boot prints follow her up to the throne where she sits with her dagger in one hand. Blood coating the edge that she slips her fingers through. The blood still warm as she licks it clean from her fingers but a sound catches her attention. Voices whispering that approach the throne room and she sits in a little straighter in her seat. Dusk and his guards stepping into the room with weapons drawn but she doesn't move. Unfazed by their show.

 

“ _Who are you!?”_ Dusk shouts at her and she smirks. Remaining in her seat but crossing her legs at the knee. _“Speak or we will kill you!”_

 

“ _You would betray Nia?”_ She answers and he freezes. Eyes widening before he blinks in understanding.

 

“ _The heir.”_

 

“ _Correct and the queen has sent me with orders for your army.”_

 

“ _My army is at her command.”_

 

“ _I'm well aware.”_ She licks her lips. The lingering taste of blood meeting her tongue as Dusk approaches her. A certain darkness to his gaze but he is just a boy and she is a woman. Future queen of the azgeda, she doesn't have time nor any desire to be tied to someone less than she. _“She commands that you take your army and attack the ingranrona for their recent betrayal. They have joined Lexa.”_

 

“ _A mistake.”_

 

“ _That it is.”_ She rises then and approaches him. _“Burn their villages to the ground, slaughter their people and feast on their horses until queen Nia calls for you to return.”_

 

“ _Of course...”_

 

“ _Echo.”_

 

“ _Of course Echo.”_

 

–

 

Couis lies still in her arms in a deep sleep before they even reach the top of the tower. Her guards merely glancing at her and the boy when she passes them to step into her room. Finding Clarke in a deep sleep with a hand covering her stomach protectively and Lexa sighs before quietly crossing the room. Coming to a stop beside the bed closest to Clarke before lying Couis down beside her then retreating. Claiming a spot on her couch and picking up the open book she'd left there hours ago but she struggles to absorb the words as her attention is still elsewhere.

 

Her heart sleeps in the bed beside Clarke where her body should be and it only takes her several deep breaths to calm her nerves before setting her book back down and stand. Tugging off her boots and coat before slipping her body beneath the sheets next to Clarke's. Laying her own hand over Clarke's. She is warm and soft. Shadows playing across her skin delicately and she is a beautiful, breathtaking creation of a human being. The sun setting her blonde into a deeper golden hue that seems to glow against her pillow and slowly blue eyes meet hers. So clear, so deep and so very very blue as she blinks at Lexa.

 

“You came back.”

 

“Of course I did.” Her thumb rubs at Clarke's as the woman turns her head to look at the boy who sleeps on beside her.

 

“And we have company it seems.”

 

“Yes.. his mother left him here and for now we have no where to take him. The city is still relatively empty of people. The tower is understaffed and I-” She begins to explain but Clarke shakes her head.

 

“It's okay. He can stay, I want him to stay.” She runs her free hand through his hair and he stirs but doesn't open his eyes. “I'm going back to sleep but when I wake up I want you to be here okay?”

 

“Okay,” she whispers and Clarke lays her head near Lexa's shoulder. Promptly falling asleep again but Couis is stirring again. The boy slowly rising to sit up and rubbing at his eyes sleepily. Sniffling as he sits there. Remembering what had occurred earlier and meeting Lexa's gaze with a deep frown. Tears welling in his eyes before Lexa reaches out. Taking his hand gently in hers. _“Come here.. carefully. Don't step on her.”_

 

He obeys as easily as he can manage before Lexa pulls him into her. Squeezing him between herself and Clarke. Frowning when Clarke wakes again but she's touching Couis. Fingers lightly brushing his back as he sniffles into Lexa's neck.

 

“He's young.”

 

“Too young to be apart from his nomon.”

 

“How old were you when you left yours?”

 

“Older than him. Old enough to begin training and to understand what it meant to be in Polis but he is too young. He is still a goufa.”

 

“And he is here now. There is nothing we can do but protect him. Raise him until he is old enough to begin training.” She pauses with a sigh. “Obe may have wanted this but not so soon.”

 

“I agree.”

 

“Then he stays.” She laughs softly, “I am certain he will be moved between many people until he is old enough.”

 

“Why do you say that?”

 

“He may take a liking to Zero and Raven. Ontari even.. Octavia and Lincoln. Me. You. By the time he is old enough to train he will know this city like the back of his hand. It will be his home as it was Obe's. He may even rise to captain of the guard like his father before him.” Clarke finishes and she is right. He may have lost his mother but he will gained a family in her place. She owes that to Obe and while Couis sleeps. She finds the man in his son. The crease in his nose and curve of his lips. Eyes curving in the same place and she hopes a spirit as strong as his father's dwells in his small body.

 

“You're right.”

 

“I know but now it is sleep time.”

 

“Go to sleep Clarke.” She murmurs but Clarke is already out again.

 

–

 

A hawk cries out above her before it darts for her outstretched hand. Talons digging into her thick leather gloves as moonlight plays across steel gray feathers tinged in black. His beady black eyes meeting hers in the darkness as she sits astride a tall black warhorse. Stolen from a nearby village that burns behind her by her own doing. Smoke rising behind them and it is the attack that signals the podakru to begin their own attacks. Her bird makes a soft sound as she moves him to sit on her shoulder before pushing her horse into a walk.

 

“This is only the beginning Ivan.” She hasn't had him long but he obeys. He is well trained and never leaves her side for long. Something she hears her half sister's bird does not do. The younger girl only half trained her bird despite their years together. The creature leaving her for hours or days at a time and she scoffs at the thought. How could Nia ever think that Ontari was a good enough heir? Why did she ever think to keep her hidden for so long and give Ontari so many chances? She was by far the better daughter. By far the better heir and she clenches her hands around the leather reins in her hands.

 

If she ever gets the chance she will kill Ontari as she killed wanheda but this time she will watch her bleed out. She will watch the life drain from her eyes instead of turning away and she will be the only one left to claim the azgeda throne. She smiles at the thought, knowing she will follow well in Nia's footsteps but be an even better queen.

 

She pushes her horse into a hard gallop. Determined to reach Colum before dawn.

 

–

 

Clarke quickly learns that Couis is a very quiet child. He sits in Lexa's room during his second afternoon in Polis and while Lexa brought him toys to play with earlier he chooses not to touch them. Only sitting before them silently but he perks up when the door near him opens. Zero suddenly bounding into the room but halting when they spot each other. Zero approaching him slowly with his tail wagging and Couis holds his hand out. Letting his fingers be sniffed before Zero licks his hand. Pulling a soft giggle from the boy and encouraging the dog to sit closer to him but Clarke looks up at Raven.

 

“There she is, the belle of the ball.” Raven crosses the room and promptly lays herself across the bed near Clarke's feet. “Wow this bed is soft.”

 

“It's great.” She tugs at the sheets covering her stomach as her friend turns to lay on her side facing her. “How are you Raven.”

 

“Good.”

 

“And Ontari?”

 

“Getting better.. I think it still bothers her that Roan is chained up in the city.” Raven glances over her shoulder at Zero where he licks Couis' face. Pinning the boy down playfully. “Zero made a new friend.”

 

“Good.. Couis needs a friend.”

 

“Couis? That's his name?”

 

“Yeah, he's Obe's.”

 

“Obe must have been a real nerd to name his son after the scientific name for a white tailed deer.”

 

“What? How did you figure that out?”

 

“Surprised you didn't.”

 

“I'm not like you Raven.”

 

“It shows but yes. He's named after a deer.” Raven looks back to Clarke and grins. The boy being named after a deer doesn't seem to pull him too far from his personality. He's shy and quiet, he might even spook if he hears something he isn't used to but now he plays happily with Zero. Bolting from the room chasing after the dog and a guard pops his head in.

 

“ _Wanheda?”_

 

“ _Watch him.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

He leaves the door open and Raven slides up the bed to lay closer to Clarke. “So.. you're in heda's bed. What's that all about?”

 

“It is the safest place for me to be.” Clarke replies to her because she isn't sure how Lexa would feel if she told Raven about the kiss.

 

“Does she sleep in it with you?”

 

“How's the weather out there today?”

 

“Deflecting.. I'll take it that she does.”

 

“Raven.” Clarke warns but Raven doesn't seem to care as she continues.

 

“You've got heda Lexa wrapped around your little finger and if you weren't recovering from a stab wound she'd be wrapped around your face.”

 

“Raven! It's not like that!”

 

“Does it bother you that Ontari and Lexa are out in Polis alone right now?”

 

“No!” She shouts without thinking and she knows that it shouldn't bother her but it kind of does. They have history. They were close but she wanted to hope that Lexa wasn't the type to do anything and judging by Ontari's name accompanying Raven's at nearly every turn she could assume that the two were something or about to become something. “Does it bother you that Ontari is out with Lexa? They slept together a few times.”

 

“No.” She's lying and Clarke sees right through it. Cocking an eyebrow at her in disbelief and Raven rolls her eyes. “Maybe.”

 

“You like her. You wanna kiss her. You wanna bang her. You wanna ride her face and her fingers but I don't blame you.. she's hot.”

 

“Careful Clarke, the way you talk makes me wonder if you want to get back in her pants.”

 

“My sights are set someone different.”

 

“On Lexa.”

 

“What about me?” Lexa enters the room followed by Ontari. “What's going on? Why is Couis chasing Zero up and down the hallway like a wild animal?”

 

“They're playing Lexa.” Clarke shoves Raven away as the brunette climbs off the bed. “And we were just talking.”

 

“Why is Raven looking at me like she knows all of my secrets?”

 

“Because she thinks she does but she doesn't.. do you Raven.”

 

“That's what you think blondy.” Raven takes Ontari's hand. Tugging her away from Lexa but Ontari doesn't move until Lexa gives her the go ahead. “Goodnight you two.”

 

Lexa doesn't speak until they are gone. Her eyes glued on the door until Couis walks in crestfallen that his new friend is gone. Dropping to sit before his untouched toys again and Clarke frowns. She needs to find him another friend besides Zero.

 

“Lexa?” She shifts up higher in the bed. Pulling pillows behind her back before leaning against the headboard.

 

“Yes?”

 

“You mentioned people were returning to Polis.. are there any children his age with them?”

 

“Not yet.” She sits on the edge of the bed. Tugging off boots then her jacket before she pauses. “There are more coming from Hilelia. Luna has sent for trade ships to move them here and Riza may come with them.”

 

“Riza is much older than him.”

 

“And both of them are.. alone.” She reasons and Clarke thinks maybe she is right. They have something that connects them and that is the fact that both were either abandoned or orphaned. Clarke studies the boy where he still sits. His small fingers knocking over the carved figure of a horse with a sad sigh. “The ships will arrive in the morning and if she is on them then maybe we can introduce them. See how it goes.”

 

“Will you meet the ship?”

 

“Sha.” She half twists in her seat to look Clarke over. “Abby told me on my way up that she would be in soon to check your wound. When she's done would you like dinner?”

 

“Only if there's more than fruit to it this time.”

 

“It's good for you Clarke.”

 

“Know what else is good for me? Fresh cow or deer.”

 

“I will see what I can do.” She tells her with a soft smile. A smile that disappears the moment the doors open and Abby steps through. Eyes scanning the room before landing on Couis. She met him that morning and almost instantly fell in love despite the boys lack of communication with her. “Hello Abby.”

 

“Lexa.” Her mother still doesn't use Lexa's title but she suspects that Lexa doesn't quite mind it as she never corrects her. Abby smiles when she meets Clarke's gaze. Quickly crossing the room and taking a seat on the edge of the bed. “How do you feel today baby?”

 

“About as good as one can with a stab wound.” Abby frowns at her but pulls at the binding across her stomach. Peeling it back until cool air meets her skin. She can't see it herself from the way she sits but judging by how quiet her mother is nothing is wrong. She hasn't torn another stitch and nothing is infected. “Well?”

 

“It's healing well on this side.” She prompts her to sit up a little straighter. Warm fingers pressing against her back. “Both are fine.”

 

“So when will I get off of this bed rest?”

 

“Not today that's for sure.” She rewraps her carefully. Fingers smoothing over the white cloth when she finishes. “Give it a few more days but even then.. no riding, running or taking the stairs if you decide to leave the tower.” She glances at Lexa then back to Clarke. “Or anything.. else.”

 

“We're not like that mom.” _Not yet at least_ , she adds to herself. “She hasn't even slept in this bed since she put me here. Only Couis and I do. She sleeps on her couch.” It's a lie but it'll keep Abby at bay for some time and she looks at her in disbelief. “Really.”

 

“If you say so..” She stands but kisses Clarke on her forehead. “Call for me if you need me.”

 

“I will.”

 

Abby crosses the room but kneels beside Couis. Pressing a light kiss to the crown of his head before leaving them. Another thump of a toy being knocked over before Lexa stands herself. Pulling her boots back on but leaving her jacket on the bed and turning to leave as well.

 

“Lexa?” Clarke calls out and Lexa stops to look at her in curiosity. “Come here for a second?”

 

“What's wrong?” Worry fills her voice as she sits on the bed close to Clarke but when she opens her mouth to ask again Clarke shakes her head. Glancing behind her momentarily to make sure Couis isn't watching before slipping her hand behind Lexa's neck and pulling her in. Kissing her softly on the lips but when she pulls back Lexa follows her. Chasing after her lips for a second kiss that Clarke eagerly accepts. Lips parting to let her in and she sighs in contentment, sliding her tongue against Lexa's before she has to pull back.

 

“Food?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“Remember meat.”

 

“Right.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully this isn't too bad. I haven't had much time to read over it.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so very sorry for how late this update is.

Lexa follows the corridor quietly. Passing several guards until she steps on the lift. Riding it down to the lower floors that house the kitchens as well as storerooms for the tower. Many of the walls had been torn down to turn it into one large room. Stone pillars hold up the ceiling above it. Most of the stone ovens cold and dark but one fills the room with a warm glow. The door to a grain storeroom half open and Lexa can hear someone shuffling about as she approaches. A man appearing in the doorway when she comes to a stop by the oven.

 

“ _You cook as well as heal?”_ She asks him as the short man looks her over. Accepting his curt nod as he sets to work making dough. His hands digging in as he works wordlessly. _“Has anyone brought in fresh meat recently?”_ He pauses only to glance at her then returning to the dough that forms beneath his hands. _“Well?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ He rolls his dough before dropping it into a charred metal pan that has seen better days. Sliding it above the burning fire in his oven then facing her again. _“Below us heda.”_

 

She turns and walks away. Taking the stairs rather than the lift. Giving herself a moment with her thoughts and Clarke's actions. The kiss that had been so sudden and seemingly undeserved, perhaps more in the hopes for food than anything else. All Lexa can do to repay her for such a thing was to give in to her requests. If she has to hunt for it herself then she will but she hopes that the healer above her was directing her to something much closer. When she meets the final step she scans the room. A stag hanging from its hind legs. Cut into several times as steaks laid on a table next to it.

 

“ _Hello?”_ She calls out and Lincoln steps around the corner. The tall, quiet man seemed to hold a multitude of skills. Not something that surprised her as he wiped a carving knife on a rag. Cleaning the blood away. _“Lincoln.”_

 

“ _Heda.”_

 

“ _I need something from you.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

“ _Prepare a steak for Clarke and take it to her.”_ He lifts an eyebrow at her but nods in understanding.

 

“ _And for you heda?”_

 

“ _I will prepare my own.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

–

 

Torchlight flickers in her gloved hand. Casting dancing shadows across shifting blades of tall, yellowing grass. The plains are dry and vast. She knows that fire will spread quickly with the wind that blows in the direction that Colum sits in. Forcing a clan homeless hadn't been a part of Nia's plans but it was hers. The ingranrona annoyed her more than even the boudalan. They were too carefree, quiet, once thought to be without an army and Echo felt more respect for even the delfikru. A clan that did not hide it's strength or play games with other clan leaders.

 

With a sigh she lowers the torch to the wavering grass. Kicking her horse into a run when the flame catches. Fire spreading as her horse runs until she feels satisfied. The line of fire weaving as her horse had and spreading towards Colum with the wind as she drops the torch. Directing her horse closer to the now quiet city but soon it will wake. The people will rush to put out the fire. Leaving Ingrid and her daughter defenseless.

 

–

 

Lexa watches Clarke carefully. The blonde greedily and happily eating her food where she sits propped up against the headboard of the bed. Sheets bunched up around her legs and plate propped up on her thigh. Couis eats on the floor with his own plate but Lexa slices into a fruit with her dagger. Chewing slowly and licking juices from her fingers that seems to catch Clarke's attention suddenly. Eyes following her fingers when they disappear into her mouth. She imagines this has everything to do with Clarke being bedridden. She can't get up without someone being there to help her. She can't leave the tower. She seems to always want Lexa with her and as much as Lexa likes it, it also worries her. She knows Clarke desires her and as much as she feels the same there is nothing they can do about it.

 

“What's wrong Clarke?” She asks cutting into her fruit again. Those blue eyes following her fingers once again. “You watch me like a hawk does a small animal.”

 

“Does it bother you?”

 

“No.” And she means it. Clarke is free to watch her. She is free to do as she wishes with her after she is healed but for now there is need for calm. “But you are hurt.” She drops her voice lower as to not be overheard by Couis.

 

“I won't be one day.”

 

“And when that day comes you will be free to do as you please.” She goes back to her fruit. Trying to ignore the darkness that lingers in blue eyes. “Finish your food Clarke.”

 

She purses her lips but returns to eating. Finishing in record time as Lexa cleans her dagger. Pulling off her boots and telling her guards she is not to be disturbed until dawn before crawling beneath the sheets next to an already dozing Clarke. Holding out her hand as Couis approaches the bed. Pulling him up but he lies at her back as Lexa scoots closer to Clarke. Wrapping her up warmly in her arms before falling asleep.

 

–

 

Her breath escapes in puffs of white. The cold stinging at her exposed hands and body shivering harshly. She isn't used to this type of cold like Nadira is. She isn't used to the harshness of winter and living on the edge of starvation but she suspects that it's only because Nia commanded for this. She suspects that she wants to keep her nearly dead so she can't fight back. So that none of them can fight back and maybe even slowly kill them off. Making them suffer and so far she had lost people. An elder had taken his last breath the day before but she doesn't even know if its day or night in her cell. She'd seen the guards drag his body out of his cell and silence had replaced him. Hard coughs shattering the silence at times and whimpers of a second whose spirit had been crushed.

 

A sound catches her attention and she glances up in the darkness. A torch light flickering as it grows before spreading through the room. A small, thin body dressed warmly in furs walking carefully among the cells. Head covered by a hood as the person approaches her cell silently. Kneeling to eye level with her and Alta shifts under her hidden gaze. Pushing herself across the icy floor to approach the child.

 

“ _Alta kom trikru?”_

 

“ _Who are you?”_

 

“ _Consider me a friend..”_ the girl holds out a short knife through the bars. _“You need to escape.”_

 

“ _Why?”_

 

“ _She plans to kill you. To send your head to heda Lexa in the south. The rest of your village will follow you but only as heads.”_ She murmurs as Alta takes the knife carefully. Fingers frozen as she squeezes the warm hilt. _“You must escape.”_

 

“ _And you child?”_

 

“ _I must stay.”_

 

“ _Or you could escape with us.”_

 

“ _I could but I..”_

 

Alta narrows her eyes at her. Blonde hair falling free from beneath the girl's hood before she tucks it back. _“You are a rebel girl.”_

 

“ _Sha.. and you must escape regardless. The guard who replaces the one after this one will be the one you must kill to get out. The gates will be open and you'll be lead to a set of tunnels that run beneath the city. A man named Bones will help you.”_

 

“ _You think we can survive escaping in a blizzard child?”_

 

“ _You are the great Alta. Your village is great within it's own right. What can't you do?”_ She looks up when the sound of a door closing rings through the spiraling staircase next to them before darting away. Snuffing her torch silently and Alta slips back to her spot as if she hadn't moved at all. Tucking the knife between her knees carefully hidden beneath her thin robe.

 

–

 

A dull sword swings for her front but Lexa dodges. Ducking below another sword and sweeping her wood staff for the ankles of her attackers. The first gona falling to the earth but the other dodges. Backing himself into a rounded corner when Lexa turns her gaze towards him. Sword held straight out before him without a quiver of fear until he suddenly lunges for her. Sword locking with staff but fist driving down for Lexa's face. She knows it's coming and dodges. Headbutting him harshly and he falls to the ground with a groan of pain.

 

“ _Heda wins again.”_ Indra announces and Lexa holds out her hand to the fallen gona before her as the first had already risen to his feet. It is the third day since the victory and the floukru ships had arrived. Survivors reclaiming homes and rebuilding others. Helping their neighbors as more and more entered the city but Lexa is focused on Riza. The second seems quieter in a way since the first battle and she watches Lexa closely as a second should. Although she does glance up towards the rim of the training ground when she hears a dog bark followed by the excited voice of a boy.

 

Riza hadn't taken to Couis like she'd originally hoped and neither had Couis to her. They'd had a standoff at the docks. Quietly studying one another in the pink of dawn before Couis turned away to chase Zero through the streets of Polis. The second didn't seem to mind much but as the day wore on that seemed to change. She was realizing just how alone she was in that city and that was why Lexa had invited her to watch her train. Hoping she would find some type of niche but it had failed.

 

She was still alone.

 

“ _Riza.”_ She calls out and the second snaps to attention. Meeting her gaze with wide eyes.

 

“ _Sha heda?”_

 

“ _We must find you a warrior.”_

 

“ _Enid is dead heda.”_ The second murmurs.

 

“ _And there are other warriors. You are still a second.”_ Lexa meets Indra's gaze, her frown written plainly on her face as if she knows what Lexa will say to her next. She isn't sure how well having an exiled azgeda warrior complete the training of a podakru second would go over with her people but she has too few options to consider it. Bjorn would be in the same boat as Lagetha. Ontari was still her guard. Indra had her own second and she knew little about the other warriors in Polis that were not her own. _“Indra.”_

 

“ _Sha heda?”_

 

“ _Find Lagetha.”_ Indra cocks her eyebrow at her in question without moving. _“Now and take Riza with you.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_ The second and her general turn to climb the stairs up as Lexa dismisses the other warriors. Climbing up and out of the ring after them but she turns to make her way to the tower.

 

She'd left Clarke sleeping in her bed. Wrapped warmly in thick furs and hugging a pillow in Lexa's absence. She hadn't wanted to leave her but she had to. No one was more qualified to meet the floukru ships than herself. The ride up to the top is quiet once she's inside and she steps off on her floor. Her guards opening her doors when she strides up and closing behind her but she freezes at what she finds.

 

“Lexa?” Clarke calls out as her back is to her. Her hair damp from the bath she sits in as another of the azgeda rebels linger nears her. She knows her name is Thorunn but she hadn't expected to find her here helping Clarke bathe. Blue eyes glance over her shoulder at her and she smiles. “I thought I heard your boots on the floor. Only you seem to wear heels around here.”

 

“I..” She begins but she stops herself. She likes her heels because they make her feel just a little bit taller but she won't say that in front of Thorunn. A person she barely knows or trusts. “The tailor insisted on them.. _Thorunn?”_

 

“ _Sha heda?”_

 

“ _Give us some privacy.”_ She nods curtly and makes her way out. The doors closing behind her as Lexa rounds the tub Clarke sits in. Averting her eyes as the water is clear and she's sure that if she were to look down she'd lose her train of thought. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yes but why did you ask her to go?”

 

“I don't know her.”

 

“She is our ally.”

 

“And I don't know her.”

 

Clarke sighs, “are you worried she might try to attack me? Because she wouldn't. She is wholeheartedly in this alliance as Bjorn and Lagetha are. Her daughter is a spy for us even. You can trust her and besides Lexa.. if she did try to attack me. Don't you know by now that I can defend myself? Naked or not.”

 

“I know you can but I would rather you not until you are healed.” She reasons and Clarke nods slowly before flicking water at her. Warm droplets splashing against her hand.

 

“Relax Lexa.” She leans forward and Lexa looks away but she can't anymore when Clarke touches her hand where it rests on the lip of the metal tub. “Join me?”

 

“What?” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat. “I wouldn't want to hurt you Clarke.”

 

“You won't. I can barely feel anything now. Mom gave me a painkiller earlier.” Damp fingers lace through hers and blue eyes meet hers hopefully. “You won't hurt me Lexa.”

 

“I-”

 

“Please? The water is cooling off and it hurts my scars.” She tells her and Lexa suspects that it's only a lie to get her in there but she nods. Crossing the room to tell her guards that she is not to be disturbed before returning to Clarke. Stripping off her clothes under the appreciative gaze that settles on her but she pauses at her pants. Unbuckled and loose around her hips.

 

“Are you sure Clarke?”

 

“Yes Lexa. Take them off and get in here.” Clarke is confident about this where as Lexa is not. Sure they had bathed in a creek together once before but this was different. This felt so much more intimate to her and in turn it made her almost nervous to finish stripping off her clothes but Clarke gave her a warm encouraging smile. A smile that simply said it was okay and Lexa returned it. Taking off the rest of her clothes and slipping into the tub behind Clarke. Hugging her warmly from behind as Clarke laid against her chest.

 

Scars pressed into her chest, the small of Clarke's back against her pelvis. Soft and warm against her as Clarke lets out a sigh in contentment. Fingers lacing through Lexa's beneath the surface of the water and resting against her bare chest.

 

“Is this okay?” She asks quietly in Clarke's ear.

 

“Perfect Lexa.”

 

–

 

Smoke fills the air. Coating her tongue and filling her lungs despite the cloth covering her nose and mouth but the city is defenseless. Gona and others rushing out to the blazing fire to put it out as quickly as they can manage. Allowing her to slip into the city undetected. The streets eerily silent beneath the fires burning roar and she hurries quietly. Ducking low to keep the smoke out of her eyes but she pauses when a family rides towards her in a hurry. The nomon just not seeing her as she rushes to get her children out of harms way but she moves on.

 

The makeshift capitol building standing before her but the normally white stone stained with smoky residue and no guards. The inside empty when she crosses the floor until ducking down into the tunnels that run beneath it. The long tunnel she follows lit by torches as it opens up in a wide room. Several pathways leading in many separate directions as she knows this entire network works to serve the city. It houses the barracks, armory as well as storehouses. The little man with the beady eyes had told her so. Explained in great depth just how important the tunnels were to Colum but not where to find Ingrid.

 

She would have to hunt for them. At least beneath this place itself. With a sigh she steps forward. Crossing the room and beginning with the tunnel closest to her. Searching and searching until she comes to a closed door. Wooden and ill-fitting where it sits but it opens when she pushes against it. Instantly meeting the face of a surprised man that lunges at her with his sword but she dodges. The sword blade lodging itself in the wooden door as she takes her chance to kill him without trouble. Plunging her knife into his heart before withdrawing. Shoving him down against the packed dirt wall beside him and moving further into the room.

 

“ _Stop! Or I will kill you!”_ A voice echoes through the room and Echo smiles to herself. Not stopping her advance as she rounds the corner. Freezing when a knife meets the smoke stained cloth around her neck. The woman before her very clearly upset, uncomfortable and maybe even in pain. Free hand laid protectively over her bulging stomach. Light hair sticking to her skin in a sheen of sweat. _“Who are you!?”_

 

“ _The city is burning.”_ She lies but the woman doesn't seem to believe her. Knife pressing harder to her throat. _“You must escape or burn with it.”_

 

“ _No.”_ She jerks as if a new wave of pain is coursing through her. Knife inching away from her throat and it's a chance. An opportunity to shove this woman aside and find the one she wants to find but she's frozen. She's in labor. She's weak and she's alone. The guard was either helping her escape or intending to help her deliver and she murdered him. She cannot leave her alone here. If she left and this woman died in the tunnel when she could have helped the Gods would surely curse her.

 

“ _You would rather birth in this tunnel as your city burns than escape?”_

 

“ _Yes, my son will be born in this city as my first born was.”_

 

“ _Your first born?”_

 

Now she knows who this is exactly and Ingrid meets her gaze before nodding slowly. _“My first born.”_ She drops her knife suddenly and doubles over. Knees hitting the ground and Echo moves with her involuntarily. Grasping her arms to maneuver her against the wall behind her. _“He is coming and he is coming now.”_

 

“ _Why are you so certain that it is a he?”_

 

“ _The gods told me so. They whispered to me that I will birth a son and it is a son that I shall have.”_ She groans in pain and Echo clenches her jaw. She came to take a life, not bring one into the world but this is her duty now.

 

“ _And so it seems we will be the only two to greet him Ingrid kom ingranrona.”_

 

“ _Azgeda hands will meet him..”_ she murmurs. Eyes squeezing shut in another wave of pain.

 

–

 

It's quiet. A little too quiet but Clarke appreciates it. She appreciates the soft sound of Lexa turning a page in her book where she lays on her couch. Furs beneath her body and legs bent at the knee as she turns another page. She doesn't know what she's reading exactly but it seems to hold Lexa's attention. Her body still aside from her eyes that flint across the page and its the perfect opportunity for Clarke to draw her again. Her own seat is comfortable enough and her body doesn't ache as she props up her notebook on her knees. Flipping pages to find a blank one before beginning.

 

“What are you drawing?” Lexa asks suddenly, eyes scanning Clarke's face when she looks up at her.

 

“You.”

 

“Me?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Why not.” She looks back down at her book. Only the beginning curve of Lexa's shoulder drawn and she presses her pencil back down on the page. Sketching out her arm before retreating back to her face and neck but Lexa is still looking at her. “Finish your book Lexa.”

 

“I have read it before.”

 

“Then why read it again?”

 

“It's my favorite.”

 

“What's the name of it?” She looks up as Lexa looks down. Slender fingers closing the worn book in her hands before they smooth over the written title on the cover. Lettering faded, either by Lexa's hands or by someone else's she doesn't know and she suspects that Lexa doesn't even care.

 

“ _All Quiet on the Western Front_.”

 

“Old world.”

 

“It is about a war before the last great war. Documents a soldier's life during and after he returned from it.” She flips it back open again, finding her page but she doesn't continue to read just yet. “I have others but there is something about this one that interests me the most.”

 

“It sounds sad.”

 

“It is.. but what war is fun?” She goes back to her book and Clarke hums in agreement to herself. Pencil meeting the page again but the door next to her swings open suddenly. A muddy Couis barreling into the room with a equally muddy Zero and Octavia. Lexa jumps up, place held in her book by her thumb. _“What is the meaning of this!”_

 

“ _Heda!”_ Octavia shouts, wrapping her arms around the boys middle and picking him up swiftly from further destroying Lexa's room. _“Indra told me to watch him but he ran from me after jumping into a muddy ditch! I chased him up the tower! He-”_

 

“ _Enough! Take him and bathe him!”_ She yells and Octavia backs away with a frown. Holding onto the squirming, slippery boy. _“Zero as well!”_ She shouts once Octavia is out the door. Zero following her closely and nipping at Couis' boots. “Branwada..” She grumbles.

 

“He's a boy having fun.”

 

“He tracked mud in.” She complains but a smile tugs at her lips as she sets her book down on the table before her. Crossing to speak to her guards that stand at her doors with fear written plainly on their faces. They quickly scurry away once she's given her orders and she sighs. Hands resting on her hips and Clarke wonders if she's still feigning being upset as she can't see her face.

 

Couis' energy is infectious. It makes her body tingle with need to do something but she's limited. Talking Lexa into crossing the room had been a chore on it's own. Talking Lexa into spending an afternoon with her had been as well. She knows Lexa wants to be near her but there are things that demand her attention. More people were coming into the city. People that needed to be protected and people that offered themselves to fight for heda. Scouts were coming and going but there was no word from the azgeda borders or the ouskejon. No movements, no gona spotted, no blood spilled and all was quiet. There was nothing no where, that much Clarke was aware of.

 

“This may be his only chance to be a boy Lexa.” She reasons with her and Lexa looks over at her. “It's quiet now. No armies come for us, no one is dying.” She holds out her hand to her, beckoning her closer and Lexa obliges. Slipping her hand warmly into Clarke's and kneeling beside her seat. “Forgive him.”

 

“I already have but I have something to tell you.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Titus has asked that he and the nightbloods return to Polis. He insists that their training cannot be put off any longer and I agree with him but if they return then the tower will no longer be as quiet as it is now. I will not be here as often as I am now and I-”

 

“I know Lexa, you don't need to make excuses for something inexcusable.”

 

She nods, squeezing Clarke's fingers. “They will be here tomorrow. At dawn most likely if I know Titus like I sometimes wish I didn't.”

 

“I'll move back to my room then.” When the nightbloods return then Lexa will be stretched even thinner. She will surely be unable to spend a moment with her and only return to her room for the single purpose of resting.

 

“No, stay.”

 

“You don't need the distraction Lexa.” She reasons but Lexa shakes her head.

 

“I want you here Clarke.” She glances at the door then back to her. “Stay. These past few days have ruined me Clarke. I like knowing that you'll be here when I finish with my day. I like sleeping next to you.. so stay.”

 

“What about Titus?” She has met the man few times but it was enough for her to not like him. She thinks that he feels the same towards her. “He doesn't like me.”

 

“He doesn't like anybody.” She smiles softly. “But will you stay?”

 

“Sha Lexa.”

 

–

 

A boy arrives into the world in a mess of blood and bodily fluids that Echo did not expect to find herself covered in that day. Her hands covered in it as the material of her pants sticks to her knees but she holds onto a crying child for a moment. His lungs strong as his voice fills the corridor before she hands him to his mother. The boy almost immediately quieting as Echo looks on but she snaps to attention when a door opens nearby. A young girl appearing in the hallway with wide eyes filled with fear.

 

She is the one Echo was commanded to kill and now is her chance. She rises slowly, drawing a knife from her thigh. Making her way closer to the fearful child but pain suddenly erupts from the back of her knee. A knife cutting through her pants and deep into her skin. Slashing and blood splatters the ground as she grunts in pain. Propping herself up on the wall beside her and looking back at a tired Ingrid. Weak still but gripping her knife menacingly as she slashes out again.

 

“ _Leave her! Leave her you monster!!”_ She yells and the knife makes contact with Echo's foot. Stabbing straight through her boot and piercing skin as the mother withdraws. Raising her knife again but Echo backs away from her. Stumbling painfully but holding her sounds of pain in as she dodges a knife thrown for her head. Tripping over the dead guard and stumbling further away from the woman and her knife. Holding a hand to the back of her knee to try and stop the blood as she stumbles out into the open air above the tunnels. Smoke all around her and she hits the ground at the bottom of the stairs on the street.

 

This wasn't a part of the plan. The girl was supposed to die then Echo escaped unscathed but it seems the gods had different plans for her. Gods she can't look up at as the sky is filled with smoke. The haze blocking out the rising sun and she sighs. Lying in the dirt as blood soaks through her hand. She won't die here, that much she knows but she needs a moment. She needs to breathe. Gather her thoughts and realize her limitations but she's jerked from her mind when hands grab her beneath her arms. Lifting her roughly onto a smoke stained horse before forcing her away. Her savior a woman she doesn't know but she mentally thanks her for the escape. Clutching the horse's smoky mane as a hawk cries out above her. Gray feathers seemingly darker as he flies to follow her.

 

“ _Nomon will not be pleased with me..”_ She murmurs to herself.

 

–

 

Shivers wrack her body but she holds onto her knife. Listening to the guard leave as he switches out with another. She knows the next guard will be her chance. A man that saunters in confidently. As if guarding half dead prisoners is truly something to behold. Alta waits a moment for him to settle before slumping over. Closing her eyes as if she's just died in her sleep. Knees knocking against each other and hands limp in the ice but the knife lays half hidden in her robes.

 

“ _Guard!”_ A voice shouts beside her but the man ignores Nadira. Her voice filling the air several more times as she sits pressed into the barrier between her cell and Alta's. Hands outstretched towards her and a sob breaks through her. _“GUARD!”_

 

“ _Shut up!”_ He shouts in response but she feels his eyes on her. _“What the..”_ He mutters. Unlocking her cell and inching towards her.

 

“ _She's dying! She's freezing to death! Save her!_ ” Nadira cries out and it tugs at her heart. The pain in her voice sounds almost too real despite them having talked between changing of the guard. _“Please!”_ She screams.

 

“ _I said shut up!”_ The guard shouts again and he's closer now. His voice so cloud that it sounds like he's standing over her but she doesn't move until he touches her. Cold fingers pressing into her throat and she moves in a flash. Drawing her knife and stabbing it into his fur lined throat. Hot blood spilling over hands that burns but she withdraws. Stabbing again as she rises. Shoving his dying body off of her but he coats her in blood before he's off of her. Sticky and hot as she grabs his keys. Stumbling from her cell and unlocking doors but when she reaches Nadira she reaches out. Grabbing her carefully but firmly. Hugging her to her chest and burying her face in icy hair.

 

“ _We have no time for this.”_ Nadira murmurs as she squeezes her back. Their village crowding them before Alta nods. Walking to cross the icy floor and heading up the stairs. Nudging open the top door carefully but finding the room it opens into empty. Dead guards lying slumped beside it with small knife wounds that Alta suspects their little friend inflicted. She leaves them behind and pads down the length of the room. Her village following her but she freezes when someone appears in the doorway.

 

“ _Alta kom trikru,”_ the figure mutters. _“You're late.”_

 

“ _Get us out of here.”_ She grunts and the figure nods. Turning to leave the building and they follow. Stepping out into sharp, icy wind that digs deeper into her skin than the prison did. If there was a sun above them she wouldn't be able to see it. The snow and ice blocking it out but she follows the figure that she assumes is Bones. The gates already open when they approach. Cracked but wide enough for them to escape as they follow him through. She expects him to lead them out into the fields but he walks the length of the wall outside instead. Kneeling to throw open a hatch hidden by snow then pointing down. The hole pitch black and she stares into it's depths before he speaks again.

 

“ _Down you go.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been thinking of doing a time skip because one, since I am back in school I have a lot less time to work on this (I feel bad for you guys having to wait so long for an update). Two, without a time skip I feel that the next few chapters would be pretty boring and I don't want to bore anyone. Three, this is almost at 200k words. As much as I love writing this I do feel that it's getting a little too long. I have no intention of just abruptly stopping however. I will see this through.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait. Between school and rewriting this chapter at least three times I just wasn't 100% with it. I still don't like it but I do like it more than previous versions. In other news, my original schedule should resume. I did not graduate from college but unfortunately it did close down. Mine and many others across the states as well.

One Month Later

 

 

Sheets ruffle with shifting legs but the woman beside her remains asleep. Breathy sigh escaping her lips as Clarke peers down at her. She knows nothing will drag Lexa from her sleep right now. She's worn out. Long days spent greeting newcomers to the city and training nightbloods leave her to deep sleeps that make Clarke wonder at times if she's actually dead. Her suspicions destroyed when Lexa stirred at the first pink of dawn each morning like clockwork. Clarke touches her softly. Fingers pressing to warm skin and she can feel the steady, sleepy pumping of blood beneath her fingertips.

 

She withdraws after a minute. Looking down at the much larger sketchbook propped up on her knees that Lexa had gifted her a week into her forced bed rest. Many of the pages already filled with half attempted sketches of Lexa and Couis. Raven, Octavia and Ontari filling the pages as well as Zero. Even Couis had small drawings in it. His latest drawing that of a duck on the cover but she's focused on the page in front of her. Sketching out the dream that woke her. Hoping it would help her go back to sleep but so far she was still wide awake. The sound of an owl soft in the distance and not even it calms her enough to sleep.

 

She's well aware that she's safe here but it hadn't stopped the dream. A dream where she was stabbed again but in her dream she doesn't live. She bleeds out before anyone finds her. Dying before she's had a chance to even begin to love Lexa. It hadn't even been a terrifying dream but sad. Thinking of it now hurts her heart. Tears stinging at her eyes before she blinks them away.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa murmurs sleepily. Propping her head up on a hand as she flips to lie on her stomach. Blinking up at her to chase the sleep from her green eyes to look at her worriedly. “What's wrong? Why are you awake?”

 

“Why are you awake is a better question.” She clears her throat. Looking over at the candle on her side of the bed. “Was it the candle? I can put it out. I can-”

 

“No. It wasn't the candle. It wasn't you either.” Lexa sits up then. Leaning her head on Clarke's shoulder. “The owl woke me.”

 

“Liar.”

 

“Caught.” She chuckles softly. A glance down at the book on Clarke's lap cutting it off abruptly. “You had a dream?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Only if we go back to sleep afterward.” She sets the book on the table beside the bed. Blowing out the candle before lying back in the bed. Lexa wrapping her arms around her middle and hugging her from behind.

 

“Talk and I'll listen.”

 

“Before or after you've fallen asleep?” Clarke murmurs and Lexa nuzzles at the back of her neck in response. Pressing a light kiss to the skin there and Clarke relaxes in her embrace. Falling into the short story of her dream as Lexa's breathing slows. She knew the commander would fall back asleep quickly and she wasn't bothered by it. They'll talk in the morning as Lexa dresses.

 

–

 

A horse thunders through melting snow across muddy fields. Pants loud in her ears but she doesn't miss the singing of arrows that zip through the air around her. Ducking her head to make herself as small as she can. Hoping her azgeda pursuers have worse aim than any goufa but the hope is short lived as an arrow sinks into the side of her horse. Long legs faltering before it stumbles and lurches forward but she jumps off. Landing in the slush beneath her and stumbling herself before rising to sprint towards the row of trees before her. Just managing to slip into the shadows as the horseman reach her. Ducking to hide between rows of thick trunks that the horses can't chase her through.

 

The men who ride them slip off quickly. Leaving them as they attempt to pursue her but she weaves through the trees expertly. Evading an arrow that sinks in the bark of a tree behind her before she begins to climb a tree. Grateful that one it's thick branches is close enough to another tree for her to jump across. Effectively losing her pursuers but now she will have to wait. She has no weapons. Only the short knife that she escaped with but it won't be enough for gona with swords and thick leather armor.

 

She wasn't meant to fight them anyway. This was just a distraction. Meant to allow her people to escape from beneath the shadows of Ontre's walls. The girl she learned to be Siga had made sure to give them an escape. The girl Alta realizes will one day be quite the force to reckon with. More so than she already was. She is brilliant, a true warrior with a spirit as old as any Alta had met before. A tactician without a drop of training. Either Nia was smart to keep her in her city or a fool and Alta is willing to say that Nia made a mistake. The escape had become Siga's last day in Ontre. Her escape becoming the village's. The villagers who now made their way for Polis.

 

With a tired breath she settles to wait in the trees. Listening to birds cry out above her as her pursuers curse among themselves for losing her. Their voices distant and fading away but she waits until the sun begins to set before moving. Slipping carefully to the ground and stilling as an eerie silence falls over the woods. A deer carefully picking through the snow some distance away but it bolts when she moves. Making her way through the woods for Polis.

 

–

 

Disarmed and bloody is how Echo finds herself in the melting snow of an Otta ring. Her body still weak from her injuries. Knee still healing and her opponent used it to his advantage. Knocking it out from under her and grabbing the sword she drops before it sinks into the wet snow. He is one of Nia's generals. A man three times her size with even more experience in combat. Bloodthirsty and ruthless, willing to even kill Nia's only remaining heir. His brown eyes seemingly red with blood lust as he draws back to deal the killing blow but Echo moves at the last second. Jerking out from beneath the blade and driving her thick boot into the groin of the general.

 

_Weak_ , she tells herself but it gives a chance. The dagger at her thigh in her hand as she cuts two fingers from the general's left hand that hold her sword. Her free hand wrapped around the blade near the base as she pulls it free. The edge digging into the thick leather of her gloves and cutting through before she flips in her hand. Grasping the hilt and slashing down against the general's neck with as much force as she can muster. The blade sinking into his neck but it's not enough. It doesn't go through as cleanly as she had hoped. Instead the blade seeming to collide with something hard deep inside his neck before she withdraws. Leaving the general nearly headless as the crowd above her roars with a certain sickening pride.

 

This fight was meant to be her return to Nia's side. To prove that she was strong despite what had happened and the look on Nia's face where she sits on her throne reads that she is accepted. The queen rising slowly from her seat with a smile that chills her to the bone. Her hawk crying out suddenly as Echo makes her way to the exit of the arena. Dropping her sword in the snow but sheathing her dagger as another general greets her at the entrance.

 

“ _You left Nick nearly headless Echo.”_ The general teases before Echo pushes him away. Stalking off to meet her nomon so they can leave this gods forsaken arena. Her walk to find Nia short as her nomon glides down the stone staircase into the pits of the arena. Dressed in a snowy gown that flows around her ankles. Furs draped over her shoulders warmly.

 

“ _You did well.”_

 

“ _I told you I was ready.”_ She grunts.

 

“ _And you know how this works.”_ Her voices drops. Jaw clenched and anger spiking at the defiance. Gaze sharp and glaring for a long minute before she smiles. _“The people welcome you with open arms.”_

 

“ _And you nomon? How do you welcome me?”_

 

“ _I welcome you with a task.”_ She slips her arm between Echo's and her tired body. Leading her to the exit and to waiting horses to take them back to Ontre. _“In light of the prisoner escape I am reminded that your dear brother is still in that wretched city. Still under careful watch of Lexa and your traitor sister.”_

 

“ _You want me to free him? Bring him back?”_

 

“ _No.”_ She chuckles, _“I want you to kill him. He is of no use to us now.”_

 

“ _He is your son.”_ Echo breathes out and Nia shakes her head. _“Do you not love your own son?”_ She knows Nia doesn't. She thrust her into the arena to simply prove a point. Roan had been captured for well over a month and only now decides to do something about it. She doesn't love him or anyone else. She only loves herself and she knows this. It hardens her and she nods. _“He will die nomon. Anyone else while I'm at it?”_

 

“ _Just him.”_

 

“ _And what of Ontari?”_

 

“ _Keep her alive. I want her to know that she's failed anyone she's ever promised to protect when I slaughter those people she's sided with. She will realize her mistakes and she will live with them until her last breath.”_

 

“ _Sha nomon.”_ Doing this will ensure her own survival. It will ensure that she takes the throne as it is her right to. Keeping herself in Nia's good graces will get her far. It will teach her what she needs to know to do justice by the azgeda. They thrive under Nia and they will thrive under Echo too. Of that she is sure.

 

–

 

Ontari follows the path that will take her to the prison. Torch light guiding her path but she hesitates at the entrance. The guards not giving her a second glance when she finally summons the strength to enter and walk towards Roan's cell. Coming to a stop by his cell and dropping to sit on the cold floor. His gaze focusing on her, unfocused and bored. He hasn't changed much since the day he'd been brought in. Dirtier and quieter seemed to be the only differences. He hadn't made friends with any of the guards and less so with Ontari.

 

“ _Brother.”_

 

“ _Traitor.”_ He growls in response and she clenches her jaw. _“Have you come to kill me?”_

 

“ _No brother.”_

 

“ _Pathetic._ ” He shifts and chains creak. Boot scrapping against the floor and matted tendrils of hair fall into his face. _“You are pathetic.”_ He repeats, _“the true azgeda heir would have killed me by now. Cut my head clean off my shoulders.”_ He smiles, _“Echo is the one true heir to the azgeda throne and you were nothing but a pretender.”_

 

“ _I am a pretender because I will not kill you..”_ She still feels her loyalty for him. It's something she can't ignore and may never be able to. It would take Lexa deciding to kill him in her stead for him to die but heda had given her the sole choice. It was her decision to make but in the past month she still cannot fathom doing it. _“Did nomon break your sense of loyalty when she broke your spirit?”_

 

“ _MY SPIRIT IS NOT BROKEN!”_ He shouts suddenly. Lunging for the bars but his chains snap. Holding him just out of reach despite his outstretched hands. _“She showed me the person I could be! She made me better! It is your spirit that is broken!”_

 

“ _She turned you into a monster Roan.”_ She looks him in the eye. Finding his gaze still blank as he draws back. Curling into himself to signal he is done with this meeting but Ontari remains there. Wrapping her arms around her knees and listening to the sounds of Polis that go on beyond the prison walls. She knows he can hear them too as he shifts at the sound of a child shouting. _“You used to be my big brother. The one I looked up to but now.. you're nothing but my enemy that I cannot kill because I can't get past my love for you.”_

 

“ _And it will be your downfall.”_ Roan murmurs. _“Leave me traitor.”_

 

She rises with his request. Walking to escape the dark prison and stepping out into the torch light outside only to find a certain woman waiting there for her. Raven's gaze narrowed and lips pursed. Ontari knows that her friends doesn't like it when she visits her brother. She knows the warrior enough to know that it shook her to her core. Ruining her day or night. Causing nightmares that wreck her. Ones that keep her up after she's finally woken.

 

“What are you doing here Raven?”

 

“A little bird told me you were coming here.”

 

“Couis isn't a little bird. He is a fawn.” She tries to joke but it falls flat under Raven's frown. “It is my duty to see him. He is my brother.”

 

“And he hurts you every time you do this. He isn't your responsibility. He did this to himself. He knew what he was walking into when he attacked Polis.” She sighs. “Let's just get out of here. This place gives me the creeps.”

 

“Sha.”

 

–

 

Her horse sloshes through the slow moving river easily. The water rising to its knees. Darkening the fur as it climbs the bank on the opposite side and Mars pulls her up. Looking over her shoulder at Brand and Ax as they cross as well. Horses less than pleased about the water but remaining quiet as their riders bring them to a stop next to her. Mars studies Ax where she sits. Her gaze searching the woods around them and ignoring her fellow exile.

 

“ _You good Ax?”_ Mars asks her and Ax finally over her with a frown before she nods. _“We're almost to Polis.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ Ax mutters. Urging her horse forward and Mars follows her after a beat.

 

The warrior had managed to recover well enough. The boudalan healers picking up where Clarke had left off. Hollow allowing them to fully recover in his city had been a blessing. Housing and feeding them without so much as a request for anything in return for his hospitality. Even asking that they return after the war. That they were welcome among his people and Mars knew that Brand was seriously considering it. He'd fallen in love with the city and it's people. Almost as much as he seemed to love Mars herself and she liked the city too. However she liked Polis more.

 

She breathed out a sigh to herself. Turning her gaze to the sky rather than the ground. Warm sunlight filtering through but the snap of a twig grabs her attention. Ax and Brand pulling up their horses as they search the woods around them for signs of an attacker. Their path had taken them up north closer to the azgeda territory as they knew all was quiet there but now Mars was beginning to doubt her decision. She doesn't want Ax to suffer again nor does she want Brand to suffer an injury either.

 

“ _Mars!”_ Brand shouts suddenly and she looks over at him. Following his outstretched hand to where he points to the person approaching them. Clothing in absolute tatters and blonde hair longer than she had ever seen it. Face sunken in and entire body near death. She slips off her horse quickly. Rushing to her friend and grabbing her around her waist as they sink to the ground.

 

“ _Alta.”_ She lays her on the ground carefully. Checking for blood and wounds but finding nothing as she meets gray eyes that stare at her blankly. _“Are you okay? Does anything hurt? Tell me so I can help you.”_

 

“ _No.”_ She mutters and Mars sags in her seat. Resting her knees beside the warrior. _“Take me to Polis.”_

 

“ _You-”_ She begins worriedly but Alta grabs her by the front of her jacket roughly.

 

“ _Take me. Now.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

–

 

Clarke retires before Lexa. Lying in the commander's bed in just a shirt and her underwear beneath soft sheets that smell of Lexa. The sound of boots echo in the hallway outside of the room but the doors don't open as Clarke begins to doze. Candlelight flickering low when the door opens and closes. Pulling her from sleep and she sits up slowly. Finding Lexa sitting down on the edge of the bed to pull off her boots. Sword already hanging from it's leather strap over ornate metal beside her.

 

“Any news?” She asks quietly crawling towards Lexa. Leaning heavily against her and resting her head on her shoulder. The rough material of her jacket scratching against her cheek.

 

“No. Nothing yet.” She tugs off her gloves but holds them in her lap with a sigh. “We will find her Clarke.”

 

“I hope so.”

 

“We will.” Lexa reassures her. Turning her head to glance at her. “It will take more than Nia to take her spirit. We both know that.”

 

Clarke shakes her head, “they were prisoners Lexa. Prisoners in her ice prison. They lost many in that place. Even though they managed to escape it doesn't mean they were able to recover properly. They were still trapped on azgeda territory. They-”

 

“You know them better than I do Clarke. You know they fought until they could no more.” She lays her head against Clarke's. “We will find Alta and she will be alive.”

 

“Perhaps.. but for now we should be sleeping.” She pushes herself back up to the pillow she'd claimed as her own over a month ago under Lexa's worried gaze. The brunette joining her minutes later after she'd stripped. Warm arms encircling Clarke's waist and warm breath tickling the back of her neck but it's not enough to drag her back to sleep. Her mind too awake now. Too worried and filled with fear that she may never see her mentor again. Seeing Nadira alive had been too much. Many of the people she'd known gone and it brings tears to her eyes.

 

She lies there until Lexa rolls over with a soft grunt as she normally does when she's getting too warm and Clarke takes it as her chance to get out of the bed. To pull on her discarded pants near the end of the bed then grabbing her boots before sneaking out of the room silently. The guards outside Lexa's room letting her pass without a word as she pads down the hall in socked feet. Only pulling her boots on once she's on the lift and riding down. Stepping off on the floor that she knows has the armory. Breaking in without waking the deeply sleeping guard across the hall and taking a bow then a quiver full of arrows.

 

Getting out of Polis is easy enough. The guards opening the gate wide enough for her to ride through on the horse she rides. A gift from Agnes. The leader sending it to her despite the troubles in Colum. News of the fires had reached them days after it had been put out. Lexa sending them builders to restore and rebuild but the builders had been sent back. The gona returned with a smokey gray filly meant to be a gift for Clarke. Agnes well aware that her horse had been lost in the battle of Polis. The new horse with no name but Clarke figures she'll find one eventually.

 

For now she guides her into the dark woods. Tucking her blonde hair back into a thin, black shawl to help her blend into the shadows. The air on her exposed skin cool but she knows in the morning it'll heat up. The arrival of summer on their heels but in the trees she knows she won't feel it as much. She breathes out a sigh when her horse finds a deer trail. Picking her way through it carefully until it opens up into a clearing filled with oblivious deer. Black ears perked forward to the creatures that graze across the clearing but Clarke guides her horse back into the woods.

 

The sun rises when she's stopped to water her horse. The shallow creek flowing around black hooves and a black nose before she lifts her head. The sound of birds above her distracting the horse but Clarke sharpens her knife in the saddle. She trusts the horse to lead her wherever she wants to go as she was trained to do if given free rein to do so.

 

Suddenly the peacefulness of the creek is broken by someone approaching them on a black war horse. Walking through the trees and tugging off their hood. Lexa peering at her from the small hill that leads down to the water. Worry written so plainly in green eyes that Clarke feels guilty for leaving without saying anything. She knows she worries about her injuries but she also knows that Lexa is well aware that her injury is healed. Only pink skin remaining as a reminder that it had even happened.

 

“Lexa.”

 

“Clarke.”

 

“Are you mad at me?” Clarke picks up the reins of her horse and turns her to face Lexa. The commander urging her horse down to join Clarke's in the creek. “I know I left without saying anything but I needed to get away.”

 

No look of hurt flickers in green eyes as Clarke tells her the truth. She did need to get away. She needed to be alone with herself for a little while. Needed to be out of Polis. To feel a horse beneath her again. To listen to the wind in the trees without someone or something interrupting it. She knew she could be attacked at any moment as they were still in the middle of the war but she knew she was in the very heart of trikru territory. She had passed a small village on her journey to this creek. A villager nodding at her as she'd ridden through.

 

“I should have told you.” Clarke murmurs. Reaching out once Lexa is close enough to her to take her hand.

 

“It is okay Clarke.” Lexa flips her hand in Clarke's. Squeezing her fingers warmly. “But something has happened in Polis or rather someone.”

 

“Who?”

 

“Alta.” Clarke tenses in her seat as Lexa continues. “Mars, Brand and Ax as well. They stumbled onto her on their return to Polis. They found her alive Clarke. Weak but alive.”

 

“Alive?” Her heart pounds in her chest as she repeats the word. Her mentor alive. Surviving Nia with her village.

 

“Sha.” She nods, “would you like to see her? When I left she was being seen to by Dom and Lincoln both. They expect her to make a full recovery.”

 

“How long ago was this?”

 

“Hours maybe. It took me a little while to find you. The village was helpful but it will not take us long to return to Polis from here.”

 

“Let's go then. I need to see her for myself.”

 

–

 

Too many people surround her and it worries her. Setting her on edge as she lays on a cot in a healer's home. One she doesn't recognize. Not even from her years as a guard for Polis. The walls decorated with drawings of things she has never seen before. Carved wood hanging from strings over the window beside her as Lincoln kneels beside her. Coaxing her to sit up and drink from the bowl he holds. Strong arm at her shoulder as she moves to sit up but the man is distracted when the door opens. Brown eyes meeting hers as Nadira rushes to kneel by her. Taking her hand in a rush as if she's not even real to her. Warm fingers squeeze around hers and she breathes out a sigh of relief when Lincoln lets her lay back down.

 

“ _You made it.”_ She whispers. Pulling Alta's hand to her chest. Pressing a soft kiss to the worn skin of her thumb. Just over a scar they both know lingers there. A reminder of an accident with a knife in their home.

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _I knew you would.”_

 

“ _Always.”_

 

“ _Heda left to find Clarke or she would be here as well.”_ She pauses under the quiet look Alta gives her before continuing. _“Guards say she left in the night on her own. Armed with only a bow. I do not think she will like heda going after her but she will forgive her when she learns why.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _For now you must rest love. Clarke will come when she returns. I will be here while you sleep.”_

 

Alta nods, eyes drifting shut but she opens them again when Nadira shifts. Her warm body slipping onto the cot next to her despite Lincoln's voiced objections. There is little the man could do to stop her. There is little anyone could do. Alta herself would not be able to deny her. Nearly losing the one her soul belonged to demanded reassurance that she was alive. Demanded her to rest her hand over Alta's heart to feel her heart beat.

 

Her warmth drags her into the darkness of sleep. Body willingly accepting it as it feels the need to heal but it doesn't last. The sound of voices over her body pulling her back to the living. Blue eyes meeting hers as Clarke sits beside the cot. Hand covering Nadira's where it still lays on her chest. The commander stands at her shoulder until she is called away. The reason missing her as well as the words that escape Clarke.

 

“ _She's dehydrated. Malnourished too. Found just in time. Any later and she would have died Nadira.”_

 

“ _It will take more than the queen to take her spirit Clarke.”_

 

“ _Her will to live is stronger than any else that I know of.”_

 

“ _As strong as your own.”_ Nadira brushes blonde hair away from Alta's face. Her head propped up on her shoulder to look down on her lover. _“It is why the gods chose for you to find one another.”_

 

“ _The gods could have gone at it a different way.”_ Clarke mutters.

 

“ _The gods do as they please with whom they please. You know this.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

–

 

Lexa walks through empty hallways with hurried steps. Bursting into her throne room but she halts when she recognizes wavy, sun bleached blonde hair and brown eyes narrowed in annoyance. She knows this woman doesn't like to wait and she has made her wait in favor of walking Clarke to Alta. The boy beside the woman gives her a gentle, respectful smile. Looking every bit his mother's son from his blonde hair tied back in a knot at the back of his head and brown eyes. The boy thin where his nomon is curvy.

 

“ _Logan, Maverik.”_ Lexa addresses them both. Continuing her way up to her throne but she turns to face them on the bottom step leading up. _“I only just received word that you were both here. How was the journey?”_

 

“ _Cut the shit heda Lexa.”_ Logan replies sharply. Her voice loud and filling the room as her son beside her shifts nervously. _“It was windy, dusty and hot. You know that.”_

 

“ _I would expect nothing different from the desert.”_ Lexa eyes the sangedakru leader intently. She thought the sangedakru were Nia's allies but here their leader stands with her heir. The boy's father missing and she knows Wiro would never miss a chance to visit Polis. _“Where is-”_

 

“ _Dead._ ” Logan cuts her off. Approaching Lexa and her guards move to stop the leader but Lexa raises her hand at them. If Logan wanted to hurt her she'd have thrown her spear already. The spear that she kept strapped to her back over the long, thin coat she wore _. “Nia thought she'd take him and send his head back to me as a warning. Ally with her or die. Needless to say I allied with her so she would not take Maverik next.”_

 

Lexa's eyes widen at the news. Wiro had always been a peaceful man. Preferring to spend his days reading or studying the plants that managed to grow in Oston. _“Then why are you here?”_

 

“ _To ask for forgiveness then an alliance.”_ Logan crosses her arms over her chest. _“She send a rider to tell us to prepare for incoming gona. That we were to feed them. House them even. Something my people and city cannot do. The summer came too soon. Food stores are low. I am barely able to feed my own people and now she expects me to feed hers?”_ She scoffs, _“I know I made a mistake allying with her but I did what I had to do to protect Maverik.”_

 

“ _And now you want to correct your mistake?”_

 

“ _Sha heda Lexa. I do.”_

 

Lexa knows that accepting the sangedakru will increase her armies and her chances. Their territory borders Nia's. Opening a whole new set of roads that could be used to assault her villages and cities. Capitol even and it's a tempting option. Logan hadn't always approved of Lexa's choices heda however and it made her wary. It could be a trap. Logan could turn against her. Slaughter her armies after she's freed Oston from Nia's grip but it was a risk she'd have to take. A risk she'll take with leverage against Logan. Her son. It's a tactic many commanders had done before her. Taking a prisoner to ensure that their people remained loyal but it was never one that Lexa had attempted before.

 

“ _I will accept your alliance on one condition.”_ She begins. Turning her gaze to Maverik then back to Logan. Understanding written in her brown eyes as she already knows what's coming. _“Maverik remains here and in return I will send armies to free Oston. I will also send what food I can to relieve your shortages.”_

 

“ _I accept heda Lexa. As does Maverik.”_ She looks at her son and he nods in agreement. _“I and my people thank you for your forgiveness and kindness.”_

 

“ _Do not make me regret this decision Logan.”_

 

“ _Never but I must return to Oston. I have an army to greet before yours.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I miss my shelter babies.


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will not lie. I don't like this chapter very much. Battling a writer's block.

Lexa tries not to listen as Logan reassures her son that they'll see each other again. That when the war is over he'll return home to her. She barely makes out his soft spoken response and afterward Logan is leaving. Her gaze lingering on his body until a wall separates them and Lexa feels a twinge of guilt at what she's doing. Separating a family. Essentially doing the same thing that Nia had done when she killed Wiro and when the doors close after Logan's gone the boy studies her. He doesn't look at her in disgust or hatred but respectfully. He understands what is going on and he's a willing prisoner.

 

“ _Maverik.”_ Lexa approaches him slowly. _“You'll be given quarters in the tower and the freedom to roam the city but you are not to leave it's walls. You are welcome to train with my guards or anything else.”_

 

“ _I don't like fighting heda Lexa.”_ Maverik is quick to tell her. _“I like to read. To study. I feel that this war is pointless. That all wars are pointless despite what we as a people gain from them.”_

 

“ _It is a pointless war but one I must fight in order to protect my people.”_ His lips twitch into a small smile and she returns it carefully. _“There is a room in the tower that I feel you will appreciate more than I.”_

 

“ _Show me?”_

 

“ _Come along.”_

 

The room she shows him is just one level below her throne room. A room that takes up one half of that floor in it's entirety and it's filled with nothing but books. Books taken from buildings in the city below that previous commanders had decided to keep rather than destroy. A previous commander had even decided to fight a war over books. Traveling throughout the twelve clans to find books that no one else wanted. There were old world maps and drawings. Worn, faded paintings even and Maverik lit up when he first stepped foot into the room.

 

“ _You have more than we do in Oston.”_ He smooths his fingers over the surface of a dusted over book. _“Are you sure I can visit this room heda?”_

 

“ _Sha. Feel free to take from it as well but I ask that you return whatever you take when you finish.”_

 

“ _Of course heda.”_

 

Lexa watches him a moment longer as he wanders in deeper. Picking up a thin book and opening it to quickly scan it's pages before setting it back down. He disappears behind a stack of books on a desk before Lexa turns to leave. Leaving the doors open behind her and instructing her guards to prepare a room for him on that floor. It isn't until she's back in her throne room that Titus finds her. His face hard and lips turned down into a frown as he closes the doors behind him.

 

“ _Another alliance? With the sangedakru? Have you lost your mind?!”_ His voice rises as he strides forward to where she sits. _“You cannot trust them!”_

 

“ _I have her son. A son she loves deeply and wishes to not see harmed. She will not betray me unless she wishes to see him dead Titus.”_

 

“ _Is that even something you could do? Or has your love for Clarke softened you into a mere dog?!”_

 

“ _I AM NOT SOFT!”_ Lexa shouts in response. Rising in her seat abruptly. _“I am not soft. I am no dog and you'll do well to remember that Titus.”_

 

“ _You have gone soft heda. Prince Roan of the azgeda remains locked up in your prison. Princess Ontari roams the city as if she is not the enemy. Exiles lead your armies, worse they are azgeda exiles! Now you make an alliance with the sangedakru. Forgiven for their betrayal without a single thought. You-”_

 

“ _If you wish to keep your tongue Titus then you will stop right there.”_ Lexa replies coldly. She has done what she must to ensure her people's safety. To keep the innocent safe. Barriers that she had once seen had melted into nothing. Titles that once meant something now meant little to her. She no longer saw the exiles as exiles. They had proven themselves to her. They had regained her trust and would keep it until proven otherwise. She knows Titus is an old guard. He doesn't see it as she does. He is too steadfast in the old ways that he cannot accept the new.

 

“ _The people know that they are welcomed to voice their objections to me and yet I have received nothing. It's almost as if they are accepting the new as I do. Something you either cannot see or just simply refuse to see.”_ She crosses her arms over her stomach and meets his gaze. _“And Clarke has not made me soft. She has not weakened me but rather made me stronger.”_

 

“ _She will one day be the end of you.”_

 

“ _Then so be it.”_

 

–

 

Clarke holds Nadira's hand in the fading sunlight. Hands held over Alta's abdomen as she sleeps peacefully. Clarke only looks up when Lexa enters the room. Missing her long coat as the day had only gotten hotter since that morning. She kneels by her side. Hand on her back and rubbing slow, soothing circles.

 

“How is she?”

 

“She's eaten but she mostly just sleeps.” Clarke releases Nadira's hand to pull Lexa from the room into the quieting street outside. “What about you? Are you okay?”

 

“Yes but we have a new ally. The sangedakru. Logan, their leader, came today to ask for forgiveness. Nia killed Wiro to force her alliance and she agreed to keep her son alive. However, today she came to change that. Leaving her boy here as a promise to keep the alliance.” She's jumbled and tired. The latter showing in her voice as she speaks and Clarke nods. “Maverik will be staying in the tower.”

 

“He is the boy? How old is he?”

 

“Old enough to be a warrior.”

 

“But he isn't?”

 

“No. He is not for war. He prefers reading and learning.” She smiles, “he is like a gentler version of Obe.”

 

Clarke's heart sinks at the mention of Obe. She misses him still. They both do. They've both cried over his passing in Lexa's bed in the dead of night and Clarke takes Lexa's hand softly. “I miss him too Lexa.”

 

“His spirit was taken too soon.”

 

“And his spirit has surely found another body to live in.” Lexa nods in agreement, “let's get back to the tower Lexa. I would like to meet Maverik.”

 

Maverik greets Clarke with a cautious smile when they arrive in the library. Looking up over his book that he reads in the candle light aided by the sunset. His hair free from the leather tie he'd kept it in upon arrival. Wavy and loose around his shoulders behind his ears. Lexa moves to stand at his shoulder. Peering down at the book he reads and smiles.

 

“ _Time travel. An interesting choice.”_

 

“ _It was the first book I picked up heda.”_ Maverik explains with his eyes still on Clarke. _“You are wanheda?”_

 

“ _I am.”_ Clarke moves closer and the boy closes his book slowly. Setting it in his lap as he looks her over. “ _You are Maverik of the sangedakru.”_

 

“ _I am.”_

 

“ _Call me Clarke.”_

 

“ _Right.. Clarke.”_ He clears his throat, glancing up at Lexa then back to Clarke. _“Will you be fighting to free Oston? Are you leading the army?”_

 

“ _I-”_

 

“ _I have not decided yet Maverik. I have many capable generals to choose from.”_ Lexa cuts in. _“Can be difficult at times to choose the best choice for a task.”_

 

“ _I see.”_ Maverik is quick to return to his book and Clarke understands that he is done with them. He would rather be back in his book than speaking and Clarke turns to leave the room. Lexa following her close behind but she doesn't speak until they are in Lexa's room.

 

“Freeing Oston?” Clarke asks the moment the doors close. “What's that about?”

 

“Nia is sending gona to Oston for Logan to quarter but she cannot do it. She has trouble feeding her own people and she knows that with the extra bodies that people will starve. It was a part of the agreement. I would free Oston and they would ally with us. I also offered to send food to help her people.”

 

“And who will you send to lead your armies?”

 

“I don't know yet.” She sits on the bed. “Trikru have already begun to mobilize. Them coupled with the sangedakru should be enough to put down whatever force Nia sends. After the battle I will send gona with food. I have asked Luna for assistance as well but she has yet to send word in response.”

 

“I see.” Clarke hums to herself. A thought popping up that she knows Lexa will instantly disagree with. However it is something that Clarke needs to do. She's grown soft in the wake of her injury and she needs to continue her recovery. Something she can accomplish by fighting in a battle for the sangedakru. “Send me to lead your army Lexa.”

 

“No.” Her response is quick and without thought. “I've considered sending Indra.”

 

“Send Ontari with me.”

 

“No.”

 

“Lexa.. I need this. I've gotten weak. I need to rebuild my strength and if I were to fight in that battle then I could.”

 

“There are gona here that you can train with if that is what you want to do.”

 

“But Lexa..” She pauses because she knows the next thing out of her mouth may hurt Lexa. She might take it differently than she intends for it to be taken and she sighs. “I want to be out of the city. I need to be out of the city. I need to prove my recovery to you and everyone else as well. You and I both know this.”

 

“Clarke-”

 

“Lexa. Consider it? It's all I ask.”

 

“The army leaves in the morning Clarke. Before dawn.” She strips off her boots at that and Clarke quirks a brow at her in confusion. Had she just agreed or was she just stating that? She moves quickly to sit beside Lexa and the commander studies her. “If you go then I go with you. I know you can keep yourself safe. You're a warrior through and through but I would feel better if I were with you.”

 

“So that's a yes?”

 

“It is.” She grunts when Clarke throws herself at her. Lips attacking her face before finding her lips and arms encircle Clarke's waist tightly. Keeping her there as the kiss deepens. Tongue pressing against Clarke's lips before she parts them. Sucking lightly on the commander's tongue before she pulls herself back from her.

 

“Thank you.”

 

“That kiss was enough of a thank you.” Her eyes drift shut as Clarke remains atop her. Her weight warm and welcoming but fingers splay over her stomach. Sighs escaping pink lips above her and she opens her eyes again. “Is something wrong?”

 

“No. It's just that I'm healed. I'm okay. Nothing hurts anymore.” Fingers disappear beneath Lexa's shirt and glide over warm skin. “We haven't yet..”

 

“We will.” Lexa sits up. Hands cradling Clarke's face. “We will but we have a war to fight.”

 

“Fuck the war Lexa.” She kisses her again. Harder this time and Lexa rolls them. Pressing Clarke into the sheets without breaking the kiss and legs wrap around her middle. Fingers twisting in brunette braids and pulling her closer. Back arching up into Lexa because she craves the closeness of her body to hers. Pent up desire rushing through her veins but they're disrupted by the door opening. A loud, interrupting cough alerting them and Clarke looks over to find Ontari standing there with her hands on her hips.

 

“What?” Lexa looks over at her too.

 

“Your handmaidens were too afraid to interrupt so I did it for them.” She explains. “Your dinner is ready unless you'd like to devour each other first.”

 

“You've spent too much time with Raven.” Clarke sighs as Lexa rolls off of her. Not missing the flash of jealously that appears in brown eyes as handmaidens enter with two plates of food.

 

–

 

“ _Finally come to see us wanheda?”_ Mars pipes up the moment Clarke steps into the room. The warrior sitting near Alta's bed and Brand stands at her shoulder silently. Ax missing from the room but Clarke figures she is just hiding out somewhere until she is needed.

 

“ _You saw me yesterday.”_ Hours ago is more like it. The sun not yet risen as candles keep the room from being in total darkness. _“I only came to see her one more time before I left.”_

 

“ _Off on another journey so soon? Where to this time?”_

 

“ _The sangedakru.”_ She murmurs kneeling beside the still sleeping Alta. Color returning to her face and she seems to sleep easier now. _“Alliances, war and blood.”_

 

“ _Take me with you.”_ Mars slips from her seat to kneel beside Clarke. Hand on her arm and Clarke looks over at her in confusion. _“Take me.”_

 

“ _That is not for me to decide. It is Lexa's decision on who goes.”_ The warrior tightens her grip on Clarke's arm. _“Why do you want to go? We are not going to the deadzone Mars. We're going to Oston.”_

 

“ _I am aware but I want to go.”_

 

“ _You and Brand both I assume?”_

 

“ _No.”_ Brand cuts in then quietly. _“I will stay in Polis.”_ He answers without meeting Mars eye. Unspoken tension filling the space between them.

 

“ _Okay.. I will ask Lexa.”_ She looks back down to Alta. Her mentor still sleeping peacefully but Nadira is wide awake now. Fingers softly smoothing over Alta's hand. She knows Alta will be okay with Nadira. She'll protect her should Polis be attacked again. Clarke sighs. Laying her hand on Nadira's. _“May we meet again Nadira.”_

 

“ _May we meet again.”_

 

When she leaves Mars follows her. The warrior keeping close to her as they approach Lexa. The commander standing by her horse's head as she speaks to Indra. Orders being given to protect the city at all costs. To hold it no matter what happened and Indra is quick to agree. Even Octavia behind her nodding in agreement before she walks over to Clarke.

 

“You're leaving again.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Stay safe out there. Don't get lost in the sand and may we meet again.”

 

“And the same goes for you Octavia but if something happens to Polis then-”

 

“I'll get everyone out. I'll make sure they get out even if I can't.”

 

“You better get out with them.” She pulls her into a warm hug. Senses assaulted by the scent of trees and earth as if she'd just returned from a walk outside of Polis. “I mean it O. May we meet again.” She repeats before pulling back.

 

“We will.”

 

Octavia pulls away completely. Returning to her position beside Indra and Clarke meets Lexa's curious gaze. The commander looking away to mount her horse but she remains in her spot as the army behind her mounts up as well. It's not a large force but enough to beat back the azgeda. Few faces she recognizes but most she does not. She spots Ridge among them and he smirks at her in the light of the torch he holds.

 

“Lexa?”

 

“Sha?”

 

“Mars wishes to join us.” Lexa looks down at Mars and nods after a moment. The exile suddenly darting off to find her horse and prepare as a gona leads Clarke's horse to her. Her sword already hanging off the side when she mounts up. Her stolen bow from the armory at her back and she feels ready but there is still a nervous thought in the back of her mind. What if she's not ready? What if this is a mistake and she really gets herself killed. What if she gets Lexa killed?

 

“What's wrong?” Lexa breaks into her thoughts. Guiding her horse next to Clarke's.

 

“Nothing. Let's just get moving.” She turns her horse from Lexa's. Heading for the gate and she looks over at Mars when the exile trots her horse up to join her. A certain excitement exuding from her and Clarke rolls her eyes. Turning her attention to Lexa when the commander charges up to lead her army to Oston.

 

–

 

The trees provide much needed shade after the sun has risen. The further northeast they ride the warmer it gets and Lexa feels her skin dampen with sweat despite having stripped off her jacket. The sleeves of her shirt rolled up to the top of her shoulders and the material dark with sweat. Clarke fairs much the same. Her own jacket gone and blonde hair pulled up and off her neck. Slender neck shining with sweat as the trees thin out around them. Mars at her side not seeming to mind the heat. Her odd tattoos on full display.

 

The army at their back is quiet aside from idle chatter. From what Lexa can make out they are excited for seeing the desert for the first time. Ready for the challenge that it will provide and Lexa frowns. The trikru aren't meant to fight in the desert. They are used to the trees and the safety that it provides. The few floukru scattered among them may fair even less. The exiles she isn't sure of but she assumes it will matter on what clan they were born of.

 

“Have you been to Oston?” Clarke asks as she drops back to ride alongside Lexa. Leaving Mars to take up the front alone. “I haven't.”

 

“Yes. A few times at least. It sits on the shore like Hilelia does but the ground isn't fertile. It doesn't grow food well and the water isn't as full of fish as Hilelia either. The people don't use boats as well as the floukru. Mostly eating snakes, lizards and whatever else they managed to find.”

 

“But something does grow there right? Something has to for them to have survived there for so long.”

 

“Very little. They have a short growing season. Even shorter this year it seems.”

 

“Have they had to use other clans to survive before?”

 

“No. This is the first time. They would rather suffer and starve than give up their pride. Logan was strong to do what she did. She broke what I am sure is a tradition among it's leaders.”

 

“If there was no war.. she wouldn't have asked would she?”

 

“No.”

 

“I see.. what about the people then? What are they like?”

 

“The sangedakru are proud. Very proud. Hardy and strong. True survivors to live in the place that they do. Oston is the only city they have. They have no villages. They communicate by word of mouth and nothing more. If there is a call to arms then Logan sends out messengers and it travels down the line. Sometimes it may take only a day for news to travel. Other times weeks. Most of the land is hot, a desert but where their borders meet the azgeda it is cold.”

 

“Did you like it when you visited it?”

 

Lexa pauses. Meeting blue eyes that wait expectantly for her response and she frowns. She didn't like being in Oston. She didn't like being in the sangedakru territory. They were a proud people yes, but they were also thieves. Buying and selling of bodies was a common thing. She could have walked the streets and bought a woman's body for a night but she never had. She never would. She understood why they did it however. They needed it for survival. To trade with traders to buy themselves food for the night. She shakes her head.

 

“No and when we get there you should be careful.” She debates on telling Clarke everything about them and after a moment she does. Explaining in depth about the dark places of Oston and Clarke nods along to what she says. After awhile she falls silent. Only the sounds of the army behind them and Mars humming ahead of them filling the air.

 

–

 

She scowls at the sun above her. Forcing her to remove layers in order to keep cooler as her body isn't used to this type of heat. It's adapted to the cold of the azgeda territory where they have no summers but here she's subject to it's wraith. Her skin too warm for her liking and she looks down to guide her horse through the trees with focus. Pushing him to walk out of the sunlight but she pulls him up quickly when she spots a army that moves in the distance. Numerous horses mounted by gona armed to the teeth. She knows it's the trikru as Nia has no armies in these woods. A trikru army headed for the sangedakru and she hums to herself in thought a moment.

 

It wouldn't be hard to join them. To fall in at the back and follow them through whatever task they were sent on then return with them to Polis. It would be easier for her to get into Polis but harder to get out and she guides her horse to follow the gona. Falling in at the back and no one seems to notice the new addition. The gona continuing to talk among themselves and she catches the commander's name.

 

“ _Never thought I would be in the army that heda Lexa led to fight the azgeda with.”_ The boy murmurs to his friend excitedly. Obviously new and half trained but his friend seems a little more experienced.

 

“ _She's leading us to a fight that may our last.”_ His voice is deeper, matured and Echo smiles. He's right. It may be their last and if it isn't then Echo herself will make sure it is at least his last. One less trikru warrior to fight in her nomon's war. _“Her cause is just but we will be fighting on a land that we do not know. With other warriors that may turn against us.”_

 

“ _The gods favor us.”_ The younger one adds and the older man nods curtly.

 

Echo sighs as she guides her horse further away from them. Pushing through the lines of unorganized gona but she stops when she spots heda Lexa. Her heart stopping when the blonde beside her turns her head to look back at the army. Her mission to kill wanheda had failed. She had lied to her nomon. The woman had survived and now rode to battle with heda Lexa. A battle they would surely win if wanheda was there.

 

Her grip on her reins tighten and she clenches her teeth. She will just have to kill her this time. Make sure she really bleeds out but with Lexa beside her this time. She will crush Lexa's spirit. She will do what her nomon had failed to do with the first girl and she melts back into the army when Lexa looks back at them too.

 

–

 

The closer they ride to Oston. The more sand seems to fill her clothes. It's in her hair, in her gloves and deep in her boots. She's sure that if she were to take anything off that sand would spill out like a river. The only reason sand has kept out of her eyes is because of the goggles she wears. A gift from Lexa when the vast desert had first come into view. The gona behind them protected by goggles as well. It feels like more than a week has passed once they reach the city.

 

Hard packed dirt beneath their feet when they walk the streets and sand doesn't seem to reach that far into the city. Her goggles remain dangling around her neck whereas Lexa wears hers on top of her head. Leather straps holding her brunette hair back. The commander hard as they walk towards the capitol building of Oston. Following long hallways that open up into wide rooms where some people live. Portions cut off from the rest by wooden walls or metal but the guards that lead them push through. Leading them through a wall that had been destroyed long ago onto a stone ground.

 

“ _Logan has asked that you meet her in the throne room.”_ The guard offers as an explanation to Lexa and Lexa nods in agreement as they walk. Passing through a rusted door that looked as if something had simply punched a hole into it. The building as tall as the Hilelia almost and Clarke's jaw drops once they step inside. A wrecked plane smashed into the ground with it's nose missing greeting them and they are lead through. Shadows following them before it opens back up into what she guesses what once had been a cargo bay.

 

“Woah.” She murmurs aloud and Lexa glances at her curiously but Clarke is taken by the plane. The far wall missing and the ground bare beneath their boots. Flags hanging from a wire behind the throne that a woman sits on. Flags she recognizes from her years on the Ark. Flags that represent countries lost to the war. Colors faded and some torn at the edges but they still flow in the wind that comes in. Still proud despite their wear and tear but Clarke forces herself to focus on the sangedakru leader.

 

“ _Heda Lexa. Wanheda.”_ The leader begins quietly from her seat. A seat Clarke assumes came from the plane they stand in. The material worn away to the bare bones of it. Encased carefully in materials from a plane as well. The leader sits there for another moment before she stands. Hands leaving worn metal armrests as she strides towards them. _“Right on time. Scouts tell me that the azgeda gather at the western most borders.”_

 

“ _We are ready for them, Logan.”_

 

“ _I can tell.”_ Logan murmurs and she meets Clarke eye. The leader giving her a quick once over before she nods. Holding out her arm to Clarke with a small smile. _“Wanheda.”_

 

“ _Logan.”_ Clarke grips her arm tightly and Logan's smile broadens.

 

“ _This battle will be a sure victory since you are on our side.”_

 

“ _Maybe.”_ Clarke takes in her wavy blonde hair and humor filled brown eyes. She doesn't seem worried or maybe she is just hiding her fear.

 

“ _You are welcome to stay in the city until the azgeda reach us. Eat, drink, spend.”_ Logan reclaims her seat and Lexa nods. Turning on her heel to leave the throne room and Clarke follows quietly.

 

She follows as Lexa meets her army again outside of the building. Many still mounted while some had dismounted and Clarke scans them. Searching for the eyes she'd spotted on the journey here. Eyes that felt familiar but not in the way that Clarke would like for them to feel. They felt hostile and they had only stirred a bad feeling in her gut but she doesn't find them. The eyes missing and she looks to Lexa when she orders her gona to stick together. To set up in the area that Logan's general had pointed out to them.

 

It isn't until nightfall that Lexa retires to her tent with Clarke. Makeshift bed set up in the corner but Clarke studies Lexa in the candle light. Her thin body tense and clothes dusted in sand still. Her goggles set on the end of the bed as she sits.

 

“Logan is.. interesting.” Clarke offers and Lexa nods. “She doesn't seem afraid but she has to be. The azgeda are coming for her people. For her city. To starve them out of their own homes and she-”

 

“She's proud Clarke.”

 

“You're right about that.” She lays herself across the bed behind Lexa. Face pressed into thin furs as Lexa unlaces her boots for her. Stripping them off to thud against the ground. Her socks next before Clarke rolls over to look up at her. “What are you doing?”

 

“Undressing you.” Lexa continues quietly. Taking her gloves off then removing her goggles. Pressing a warm kiss in the dip of her throat as she leans over her. Body lying next to Clarke's as she sighs tiredly. “This place.. it tires me.”

 

“Is it the sand?”

 

Lexa chuckles, “how did you know?”

 

“It's a gift.”

 

“You're a gift.”

 

“Okay smooth talker.” Clarke sits up and peers down at her. Sand dusted in her hair that lays mangled from the harsh wind in the desert. She'll have to braid it for her again in the morning and maybe Lexa will return the favor for her but for now she slides off the bed. Stripping Lexa as she had done for her. Boots set beside her own on the ground. Socks kicked under the bed and gloves tugged off her slender hands before she lies into the bed with her. It takes self control to not kiss her. Not to slide her hands under her shirt to feel the skin just beneath.

 

Their first time together will not be while they are surrounded by gona. It will not be in the moments before a potentially bloody battle. It will be in Polis. In Lexa's bed. In the warm evening after the sun has set. No one will disturb them. She knows Lexa will make sure of that. She trusts her to ensure that and she curls into Lexa's side. Taking her hand and curling it beneath her chin as Lexa curls around her. Lips pressing into her hair softly. The calm before the storm taking over as the army around them shifts to sleep.

 

–

 

The trikru tire her but she breaks away from them as they sleep. Slipping into the darkness of Oston before stepping into the torchlight of a quiet street. Men and women alike standing in doorways of lit rooms but she doesn't approach any of them. She knows what they want but that isn't why she's here. She's here to follow heda Lexa through her little battle then back to Polis. Not get herself off on a paid body. She can do that in Ontre without paying. Nia never stops her. Never mentions it even but she pauses when eyes meet hers.

 

Eyes a deep, rich brown that glow in the fire light. Brunette hair seeming to glow in a sea of red beneath the torch above her. She's a beautiful woman. Soft curves barely hidden by her thin dress that only reaches mid thigh. The draw to her burns at her body and she approaches. Setting her hand on the doorway opposite the woman's. The woman's soft hand meeting her bicep before she pulls her in. Closing the door behind her but she stops the woman before she touches her further.

 

“ _I have no money.”_ She explains and the woman smiles.

 

“ _It is an honor for me to service the azgeda heir.”_ She murmurs and Echo narrows her eyes at her in confusion. She looked nothing like an azgeda. Dressed in trikru clothing and her accent mimicking that of the trikru as well. The woman chuckles. _“You are a wolf in sheep's clothing love. I saw you coming from a mile away. No matter how much you try to hide. I will always see you. Just as I will always find you.”_

 

It takes her a moment to realize. A moment she is embarrassed to admit and she smiles. _“It's you. I thought you were-”_

 

“ _Dead?”_ She scoffs, _“we're azgeda. Nia thinking I will die by one gona is a foolish thought. You are a fool for believing her.”_

 

“ _She brought back your hair Ash.”_ She remembers it clearly. Nia asking if there was anyone else in her village that knew her. If there was anyone that loved her and she had lied but Nia saw through it. Quickly realizing that there was someone that loved her in that village and she went to find them. Slaughtering the people heartlessly and bringing back souvenirs. Hair that had belonged to the people she grew up around tossed into the stone at her feet. Ash's among them. _“How?”_

 

“ _The man she had with her. Her warrior.. he was my brother. He sparred me. Cut my hair from my head and told me to run. Which I did. I ran to this gods forsaken hell hole.”_ She gestures to the room they stand in. _“I met rebels and they got me across the border into Oston. Here I had to do what I could to survive. I became a whore to survive but my love for you has never wavered. I have heard the whispers in the streets. I was overjoyed when word came that Logan had allied with the azgeda.. but now that traitorous bitch has betrayed Nia. Although.. it brought you to me and for that I am grateful.”_

 

“ _The gods work in mysterious ways Ash.”_

 

“ _And in their work I shall follow you.”_

 

“ _Nia will have your head.”_

 

“ _Not before I have yours between my thighs one last time.”_ Her voice drops and she kisses Echo firmly on the lips. Drawing her down into the bed pushed against the walls and Echo accepts this fate. Allowing herself to thoroughly drown in everything that is Ash.

 


	39. Chapter 39

Darkness still clings to the sky when she first wakes. Warm body still pressed into her front beneath a thin blanket in a bed that has seen many bodies. None except hers remaining as the sun promises to rise. She lets out a soft breath against her lovers body. When she took the throne she could pardon this woman. She could free her from this life. Turn a whore into a queen. It wouldn't be the first time. She'd studied the past queen's histories. She was well aware that Nia's own mother had become queen after the true born queen had suddenly died. Bound to the brother of the previous queen and since there had been no other female to lead it had fallen to her. A common whore from the streets of Ontre.

 

She could not be like them. Nia would never allow it. Nia's spirit would haunt her until her own dying breath then beyond it into another life.

 

“ _What are you thinking about?”_ Ash twists in her arms. Peering up at her in the darkness.

 

“ _Nothing.”_

 

“ _Liar.”_

 

“ _Maybe.”_ She slips from the bed quietly. Pulling on her clothes as she has an army to rejoin. A battle to fight or a battle to at least pretend to fight. She will not kill any of her own people. _“I have to go.”_

 

“ _Or you could stay. The sun is not even up yet.”_ Ash reasons and Echo shakes her head. Binding her chest as her lover looks on. Completely oblivious to the sudden thought that makes itself known in Echo's mind. She knows that even if she leaves Ash here. Never sees her again of her own accord that the woman may appear in Ontre when she ascends. It wasn't even that Ash wanted power. She had once been a farmers girl. A farmers girl with dreams of taking over the family farm. Instead her reason for going to Ontre would be to be with Echo but Echo could not let history repeat itself.

 

“ _I can't.”_

 

“ _Another of Nia's orders?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _I see.”_ Ash stands. Dressing herself with her back to Echo and Echo studies her in the darkness one last time before drawing her dagger. Approaching her and wrapping her hand around her lovers throat. Jerking her backward into her chest. _“If this is what must be done.. then I accept my fate._ ” She whispers.

 

“ _It is what must be done.”_ Echo mirrors after her. Bringing her dagger up to her throat beneath her hand that slips higher. Forcing her head back against Echo's shoulder. _“If the gods will it.. I will see you again.”_

 

“ _Perhaps in a different world. Perhaps in a world as bad as this one. Perhaps in no world at all but we will see each other again. This I am sure of. I-”_ She's cut off by Echo dragging her dagger across her throat. Blood spraying across the opposite wall and Echo waits. Waiting for her heartbeat to stop before laying her on the bed. Covering her in the blanket once more before cleaning her dagger and wiping the blood from her neck and face.

 

“Yu gonplei ste odon.”

 

–

 

Her army stands at the boundaries of Oston. Just beneath them, shielded by walls of old stone from the wind and sand that blows in. There has been no word of the azgeda just yet. No scout comes riding in through the sand to alert them and Lexa stands in a small shielded room on a hill of rubble. Clarke beside her near silent as she sharpens her sword. Goggles around her neck as she doesn't need them over her eyes just yet. Dressed in the loose, light colored clothes that Logan had given them. Designed to help them blend into the desert but underneath that Lexa knows she's protected. She'd helped her get into her armor just as Clarke had helped her. Mars at Clarke's side Lexa assumes is the same.

 

“Shouldn't the army have been here by now, Lexa?”

 

“Maybe.. maybe not.”

 

“And where is Logan? Where is her army?”

 

“Coming.”

 

“Were we early?” Clarke is clearly bored and Lexa sighs.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Clarke..” Lexa warns and turns to look back at her. Sword across her lap and whetstone pocketed. Hood off and blonde hair braided back to keep hair from her eyes when it comes time to fight. She looks less of a warrior by the gleam in her eyes. More of an impatient second and Lexa purses her lips. “We're early because I did not want to be caught by surprise.”

 

“Again?”

 

“Sha, Clarke.” Lexa admits and Clarke nods in understanding.

 

“ _Brand is not with us for that to happen, heda.”_ Mars adds. _“Everyone here has no chance to be caught off guard. Everyone in this city is a born warrior.”_

 

“ _I am aware.”_

 

“ _You are aware but yet you are worrying over a past mistake.”_ Mars shrugs. Turning to leave the small room and rejoining their waiting army.

 

“Ignore Mars. I think she is still upset about her and Brand. He is no longer courting her I think.”

 

“Why do you think that?”

 

“He isn't here. He always followed her before but he chose to stay in Polis.” Clarke stands. Sheathing her sword at her hip before meeting Lexa's gaze once more. “I think that is why she wanted to come so badly. She wanted to be away from him for a little while.”

 

“I see..” Lexa sighs. This battle isn't meant to calm anxious hearts just freed from another. It is meant to free a people. To keep them safe. To keep them alive and she hopes Mars will remain strong despite her broken heart.

 

“She'll be okay. She is Mars.” Clarke approaches her then. Taking her hands gently and pushing her backward into the wall behind her. “Don't worry about her. She'll be alright.” She repeats.

 

“I'm not worrying about her.” And she isn't. She's more concerned about the battle.

 

“I know but if you aren't worrying about her then I have no other excuse for me to kiss you right now as a distraction.” She leans in and kisses her. Softly at first but then deepening the kiss. Tongue against Lexa's lips before she relents. Freeing her hands from Clarke's to cup her warm cheeks. Momentarily forgetting that they are facing a battle with the azgeda in the middle of the sangedakru desert. Every thought shoved aside at the feel of Clarke's lips against her own. Tongue warm and wet against hers but they spring apart when the flap behind Clarke is shoved aside abruptly.

 

Logan appears less than pleased about what she's walked in on. Either out of her own feelings towards them or because of the approaching army Lexa isn't sure. She won't ask. She's displeased with herself for allowing Clarke to shift her from heda to a girl filled with desire. Clarke, however, is amused. Amusement dancing in the blue of her eyes as she reclaims her seat. Hands lying in her lap as if she'd done nothing wrong.

 

“ _Logan.”_

 

“ _Heda.”_ She clears her throat, _“scouts report the azgeda are having trouble moving through the desert. Something I intend to use to our advantage. My gona are ready to move out. Are yours?”_

 

“ _Sha, let's do this._ ” She tugs her goggles down over her eyes and pulls up the pale yellow scarf around her throat to cover her nose and mouth as Clarke does the same. The three of them descending the steps towards their waiting armies. It doesn't take a command for her army to move. Following her out into the sand storm that rages on beyond the walls of Oston.

 

The walk isn't what Lexa had expected. Her boots don't sink into the sand as they had on her journey to Oston. Then again everything she wears is designed to be worn in the desert. The boots nearly coming to her knees beneath a long tunic. The pants tucked into the boots to keep less sand from getting into them. Everything but her boots a light yellow color. Helping her melt into her surroundings like a snake.

 

It isn't long until they spot the azgeda. Struggling in the sands but Logan doesn't outright attack them. She approaches them instead and Lexa follows by example. Keeping her sword sheathed and her army mirrors her. Even Clarke stands beside her with a sheathed sword as they come to a stop before an azgeda general that eyes them through narrowed eyes as the wind and sand finally begin to settle. More and more of the azgeda army coming to a stop by their general as they aren't aware of what is about to begin.

 

“ _What is your name?”_ Logan asks the general as he brushes sand from his hair and face.

 

“ _Emmit.”_ The man looks over at Lexa and Clarke but he seems oblivious to who they are. Their faces hidden by goggles and scarves but hair left open to the elements. He is either a foolish man or just doesn't think. _“Nia sends us in fortification of your city. To protect your people from the trikru scum that borders your lands.”_

 

“ _I can protect my own people.”_ Logan glances at Lexa then back to Emmit. Drawing her spear from behind her back. _“The trikru may have things about them that I dislike but they are not scum. They are people. Like you and I are people.”_

 

“ _Scum.”_ Emmit spits out harshly and Logan moves quicker than Lexa has ever seen her move. Spearing him through the stomach.

 

“ _You are the scum.”_ She hisses and withdraws. Letting out a war cry that signals for the attack to begin.

 

The sangedakru move together. Drawing their own weapons and attacking the surprised azgeda as Lexa draws her own sword. Following them through and her army moves with her. Taking the azgeda by storm and cutting through them as they struggle to draw weapons. Their footing lost on the shifting sands beneath them and Lexa knows that this is a battle that the sangedakru could have fought alone. They did not need the trikru. They did not need heda but heda needed this. Clarke needed this as well. The blonde moving through gona with relative ease despite her previous injuries. Her body moving as if she'd never been injured. As if it nor she had lost any of it's combat readiness.

 

Before they know it the battle is over. Many azgeda lying dead or dying in the sand. A sangedakru second walking among them and ending those who lay at deaths door as Logan approaches Lexa. Her face painted in still wet blood with a look of pride written plainly on her features. Lexa, however, knows this was not a battle to be proud of. They slaughtered defenseless gona.

 

“ _A victory that Nia will learn of soon enough.”_ Logan cleans her spear of blood. _“A rider will take a body to the azgeda borders to send the message and Nia will realize the sangedakru are no longer under her bloody hands.”_

 

“ _She may send more.”_

 

“ _And they will face the same fate heda.”_ She smiles coldly and Lexa nods. Glancing over at Clarke where she cleans her sword. _“You and wanheda are a force to reckon with.”_

 

“ _This battle was no real testament to that.”_

 

“ _No but I heard about the battles of Polis. The retaking of Polis more importantly. Wanheda's strength as a true born warrior shone brighter than that of a pit fighter.”_ She lays her hand on Lexa's shoulder. _“The gods favor you heda Lexa.”_

 

“ _She is a gift I could not and never would refuse.”_

 

“ _Spoken like a woman in love.”_

 

–

 

Clarke pauses beside her horse near the outskirts of Oston. Scanning the army and slowly realizing that she hasn't seen Mars since the room before the battle. The warrior missing from the army but she knows that she isn't dead. There had been no deaths on the field. Only a few injuries and Clarke sighs. This was much more than time away from Brand. It was an escape. A chance to return to the desert without leaving on her own and now she's much better equipped to survive it. Her horse remains tethered to a post near her and Clarke approaches her.

 

“ _Your nomon is gone it seems.”_ She murmurs to the horse. Smoothing her gloved hand lightly over it's nose and the horse snorts in response as if to reject what Clarke has told her. “ _She will come back for you. I am certain.”_

 

“Clarke? Why are you talking to Mars' horse?” Clarke glances over her shoulder at Lexa. The commander already on her horse and ready to move out.

 

“Because Mars is gone.”

 

“Gone?”

 

“Yes.” She shakes her head. Patting the horse's neck before turning to Lexa. “She left. Back into the desert.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I don't know..” Clarke climbs onto her horse. Gathering up reins before continuing. “After she was exiled she escaped to the desert. Found a library beneath the sand. It was where all of her tattoos came from. She may be going back to find it. As a sort of way to renew herself without Brand.”

 

“She could die.”

 

“And that's a risk she seems willing to take.” Clarke guides her horse to follow Lexa as they move out of the city. She knows she's going to miss Mars but this is something the warrior believes she must do and that is something Clarke won't judge her for. “If she survives.. she'll come back. At the very least she'll come back for her horse.”

 

“Sha.” Lexa agrees and Clarke falls silent.

 

The return to Polis is a quiet one. The army at Clarke's back rides tiredly despite the battle having been nothing compared to the battle of Polis. Lexa at her side still wears her sangedakru clothing. The goggles over her hair as they ride beneath trees rather than over sand now. The scarf low around her neck but the longer she studies Lexa the more she feels as if someone is watching her. Every time she looks back at the army she finds no one looking at her and the more she looks back the more Lexa seems to realize she's doing it.

 

“What's wrong?”

 

“I feel as if someone is watching me.”

 

“An army is following us Clarke.”

 

“I'm aware but still.” She faces the road again and sighs. “Maybe I am just tired.”

 

“Maybe but we are almost to Polis. Only a few more hours.”

 

“Good.. I need a bath. Get rid of all this sand.” She looks over at Lexa. Guiding her horse to ride closer to Lexa's. “Bathe with me?”

 

“It would be honor.” Lexa gives her a small shy smile and the hours seem to pass by quickly afterwards. The promise of just the two of them alone together is enough for Clarke to want to ask for Lexa to ride faster but she holds back. Her patience waning as the walls of Polis come into view. The gates opening wide enough for them to ride through and seconds hurry up to take their horses.

 

“Lexa.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“I'm heading to the tower okay?”

 

“Okay. I will join you when I can.” Clarke nods and walks off. Listening to the fading sound of Lexa's voice as she gives orders to seconds. Thanking her army and sending them off to rest but Clarke pauses in the middle of a quiet street. Feeling once more eyes on her body and she turns sharply. Finding a lone gona walking down the street behind her and for a moment the gona seems familiar.

 

“Clarke!” Someone shouts and Clarke whips around to find Raven inches from her before her friend pulls her into a hug. “Back so soon?”

 

“Yeah..” She looks back over her shoulder but finds the gona gone. “It wasn't a hard fight. Rather easy actually.”

 

“Sucks to be them. Anyway, come see me later? You look like a woman on a mission for a good bath and I get that.”

 

“Of course. Your workshop?”

 

“Yes. I wanna eat. Catch up a bit. O will be there too.” She draws back. Swiping sand from her shoulder. “Come less sandy too.”

 

“I'll try.” Raven takes off and Clarke continues on her way to the tower. Riding the lift up to Lexa's room and asking handmaidens to fill the tub before she strips out of the sangedakru clothing. Sand falling from the folds and she sighs when it sticks to her bare feet. She knows she'll need to at least rinse before getting in the bathtub but the thought is lost when Lexa appears behind her. Standing at her back in the mirror before them.

 

“That was quick.”

 

“I had a general take over so I could get up here sooner.” Lexa sweeps blonde hair from her shoulders before laying her head against her bare skin wordlessly. “The tub is almost ready.”

 

“Good, I feel gross.”

 

“But you look beautiful.”

 

“Smooth.”

 

“I try.” She leans back and begins to strip as well. “I have ordered the guards to let us be undisturbed for a few hours. Not even Couis or your friends will end up in this room.”

 

“And Ontari?”

 

“I saw her before I came up. She knows to stay away as well.” She tugs her tunic off before taking Clarke's hand once they hear the door to Lexa's room close. Leading her to a steaming tub ready for them and Lexa tugs off her chest binding. Settling into the hot water first before Clarke follows. Slotting herself between Lexa's legs. Back to her chest with a tired sigh. “You did well in the battle.”

 

“Well enough.” Her fingers rest against Lexa's knees. Smoothing over a small scar on the left before Lexa kisses her shoulder. “I like this.”

 

“As do I.” She kisses her neck next and Clarke feels warm despite the warm water around her. Lexa's breasts press into her scars and it sends shivers down her spine. Fingers soft against her stomach. Trailing over her new scar that's still pink and Clarke turns her head. Lips press against her cheek then the corner of her mouth. “Turn Clarke.”

 

She obeys. Turning over to face Lexa. Kissing her firmly on the lips and placing both hands behind Lexa's head to grip the lip of the tub to brace herself. Lexa's hands on her hips and pulling her closer. Skin against skin, warm and wet as the kiss is deepened. Tongue gliding against the other and if Clarke hadn't been wet from the bath before then she surely was now. The feel of Lexa's small breasts against her own. Coaxing her to rise into a high that only Lexa can raise her to. Hands smoothing over raised scars along her back and the kiss broken for Lexa to lick and suck at her neck. Marking Clarke as her own. Coaxing a moan from her throat.

 

“We..” Clarke trails off. Letting out another breathy moan when Lexa nips at her skin. “Lexa.”

 

“Sha.” She murmurs against her skin.

 

“We should move to the bed.”

 

Lexa nods in agreement and Clarke rises up quickly. Not wanting Lexa to distract her further before she wraps herself in a towel to dry off before climbing into the bed. Lexa following her by example but she kisses Clarke as they stand wrapped in towels. Hands in damp blonde braids and guiding her backwards to the bed. Laying her down as softly as she can manage then their towels are gone. Replaced by sheets as Clarke reasons are just in case.

 

She isn't surprised to find that Lexa is soft. Her lips warm and soft when presses them against Clarke's. Her tongue gentle as she hovers over her. Sheets pooling at her waist before she lays between Clarke's thighs. Skin to skin once more but it's different now. Hands cup her face when she kisses her. Breasts pressed together and Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa's back. Keeping her close and flush against her. The kisses turning harder, deeper and filled with more desire.

 

It doesn't take long for Lexa to trail a hand down Clarke's body. Fingers gliding over her skin. Grasping at her hip momentarily before sliding between their bodies. Lexa breaking the kiss to look into dark blue eyes that beg for her to continue. Fingers meet the hairs above her sex. Breath hitching in her throat before she continues down. Gliding through soaked folds before she kisses her again. Swallowing her moans that escape her then slipping her fingers up to her hardened bud. Swiping her thumb over her clit lightly at first before pressing down harder.

 

“Fuck.” Clarke moans against her lips. “More.” She pants and Lexa obliges.

 

Sliding lower down her body and wrapping her lips around a hard nipple. Tongue flicking as she sucks and her thumb against her clit rubs harder. Her body moving in time with Clarke's. Meeting the rise of her hips before she drops her free hand to steady her. Releasing her nipple to take the other in her mouth and Clarke groans in need. Bucking her hips despite Lexa's steadying hand. The hot mouth leaving her nipple to press soft kisses down her stomach. Lips pressing soft kisses to her scars before she slips even lower.

 

“Lexa.. please.” She murmurs. Glimpsing a smirk before Lexa lowers her mouth to where Clarke needs and wants her most. Breath hot against her soaked center. Tongue lapping over her clit as her fingers drop lower. Gliding through her folds as Clarke attempts to impale herself on long fingers that tease her. “In-” Her back arches when lips wrap around her clit. “Fuck, Lexa!” She grinds down on her. Fingers finally slipping into her warm, wet heat. “Yes!”

 

She reaches down, wrapping her hand in braided hair. Pulling and twisting. Groaning loudly when Lexa pushes in a second finger. Thrusting into her and Clarke spreads her legs wider. Moaning for her to go deeper, harder and faster. Begging almost and Lexa obeys. Long fingers pushing into her and Clarke whimpers. Her full breasts bouncing from Lexa's thrusts. Walls tightening around Lexa's fingers as her tongue flicks over her clit. Driving her higher and further than anyone else Clarke had been with. Setting her body on fire in ways that only Lexa could. Tears springing to her eyes when she finally finds her release. Fingers pressing inside of her that draws a scream of pleasure from her throat.

 

When Lexa finally draws back. Clarke still draws in deep, rapid breaths. Her heart beating so rapidly she swears she's just returned from whatever lies beyond her in death. Only Lexa's mouth and fingers being able to bring her back into the living world.

 

“How was that?” Lexa asks her between soft kisses to Clarke's flushed, sweaty chest.

 

“Amazing.. perfect.. breath taking.. well worth waiting for..” Clarke laughs lightly. Pulling Lexa closer to her. Kissing her firmly on the lips and not minding the taste of herself. “Incredible even. An experience worth reliving.”

 

“I like the praise.” She nuzzles her face into Clarke's neck. Body lying on Clarke's and she sighs softly. “And it is an experience you will relive for as long as you let me.”

 

“Good but now there is you. I will not leave you high and dry.” Clarke flips them. Straddling Lexa's waist and palming her perfect breasts.

 

“I am not dry.” Lexa murmurs. The green of her eyes swallowed by the black of her need. Eyes that follow Clarke's hand as it slips between them to meet the hair between her legs then lower. “Definitely not dry..”

 

“No. You're not dry.” Clarke moans. Her fingers coated in Lexa's arousal before she withdraws her fingers. Licking and sucking them clean under Lexa's gaze. “You taste good.”

 

“Not as good as you do I assure you.” Hands drops to Clarke's hips and Clarke leans down to kiss her. Sucking at her bottom lip before licking into her mouth. Deepening the kiss then drawing back. “Nope. You definitely taste better.”

 

“Hardly.” Clarke slides down her body. Settling between her thighs. Hands clutching at her toned thighs as she presses a kiss against her soaked sex. “You.. you are beautiful and delicious.” She glides her tongue through her folds and Lexa sighs in bliss. “So, so good.”

 

“Jok, Clarke.” Lexa looks down at her. Palming her own breasts and brushing her thumbs over her nipples.

 

“Yes heda.” Clarke murmurs. Dragging her tongue over her center again. Moaning at her flavor. Sweet, tangy and oh so perfect. Her fingers spreading her folds to lick into her deeper. Thumb pressing into her clit and Lexa writhes beneath her in bliss. Moans and pants filling the air. Thighs spread apart wider and Clarke pushes into her. Drawing a choked gasp of her name from Lexa above her. Thump against her clit picking up in speed and it doesn't take long for Lexa to find her release. Her hands twisting in blonde braids and hips grinding down on Clarke's tongue. The flood of her orgasm coating Clarke's tongue. Her name on Lexa's tongue shouted for anyone to hear as she rides out of her orgasm on Clarke's tongue. The thumb on her clit slowing before disappearing and Clarke draws back. Kissing her quivering thighs.

 

“I will never be able to look my guards in the face again.” Lexa groans. Brushing braids away from Clarke's face where her head remains on her toned stomach. Arms on either side of her body. “You have ruined me.”

 

“We don't have to do this again.” Clarke kisses her skin. Looking up at the woman who still pants above her.

 

“I want to. Regardless. My guards will get over it. I will get over it too.” Lexa reasons and Clarke chuckles. Nipping at her flushed skin.

 

“Good because I don't think I could survive this world without this feeling.”

 

“What feeling?” Lexa questions. Holding her hand when the blonde pushes herself up to lay her head on Lexa's chest. Ear pressed just over her still racing heart.

 

“The feeling of knowing that I am loved.” Clarke murmurs after a moment. Lifting her head to find a smiling Lexa. “It's not something you've got to say Lexa because I hear it in every word you speak. I feel it in every breath you take. I feel it in every touch.”

 

Lexa hums her agreement. Motioning for her to come closer and Clarke does so willingly. Accepting the soft kiss against her lips before she presses her ear against her chest again. Clarke lays with her until the sun begins to set and she remembers her promise to Raven but when she sits up with a sigh. Her body sore in all the right places, in all the right ways. Lexa beside her shifting to fall asleep and curling around a pillow. Her naked back to Clarke and she hums in approval. Leaning down to kiss her shoulder before slipping out from beneath warm sheets. Cleaning herself up then dressing. Pulling on a shirt that will hide the bite mark that Lexa left behind on her neck.

 

She wanders down the few levels to the library rather than taking the lift straight down. A certain need to check in on Maverik pulling her down. Wondering how he had fared since Clarke and Lexa had left Polis but when she steps onto the floor she freezes. A woman pausing to look her in the eye. Dark eyes that remind her of Ontari's. Hair dark too but this woman stands taller. She is thinner and seemingly more refined. A darkness surrounds her that Clarke's spirit begs to retreat from but Clarke remains. Continuing on her way to the library and the woman follows.

 

“ _Maverik?”_ Clarke calls out when she steps in and the boy looks up at her from the bottom shelf of a worn bookcase. Hair pulled back into ponytail and eyes lit with curiosity. “ _There you are.”_

 

“ _Clarke. Is there something I can help you with?”_ He smiles at her respectfully as he stands. Brushing dust from his clothes and approaching her. _“I have not been here long but perhaps I can still help you.”_

 

“ _Oh no, I don't need anything. I came to check on you instead.”_ She eyes the woman that wanders off further into the library. Meeting a fleeting glance before she disappears behind a bookcase. Clarke turns her attention back to Maverik. _“How are you?”_

 

“ _I am good, thank you. This library is quite large and extensive but I think the Oston library still beats it by a long shot.”_ He grins and Clarke nods. Looking over at the woman again but she approaches them. Hands wrapped around a thin book with an unreadable title. _“Who are you?”_

 

It takes her a moment to reply. A look in dark eyes that Clarke is unable to place before it's gone. _“Tasya kom trikru.”_

 

Her voice remained low as she spoke. As if she were falling ill almost and Clarke frowns. _“Read often?”_ Clarke takes the book. Opening it to the title page and frowning. _Secrets and Lies_ written in faded ink. _“Interesting choice..”_

 

“ _My village had few books, wanheda.”_ The woman replies and Clarke feels a small spark of familiarity in her voice. She has heard it before but she isn't sure where or how. This is her first time seeing this woman's face but it bugs her regardless.

 

“ _Tell me.. Tasya, what do you think of queen Nia?”_ She tests her. The woman before her frowning before she straightens her back. Holding out her hand for the book and Clarke hands it over slowly. _“Well?”_

 

“ _The queen fights a dangerous war, wanheda.”_ She finally admits and Clarke studies her as the woman makes a quick escape. Carrying the book with her from the room and it clicks after a moment. Suddenly remembering how she knows that voice and from where.

 

_The queen sends her regards._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't written smut in a while but I hope it's decent enough.


	40. Chapter 40

“I have to go..” Clarke quickly excuses herself. Returning to Lexa's room and quickly waking her. Shaking her bare shoulder until the commander sits up worriedly.

 

“What's wrong?” She dresses before Clarke has even told her. Chest bound and pants on before she pauses to look back into blue eyes that stare into green. “Clarke? What's going on?”

 

“My assassin.. She's here.” Clarke hands over Lexa's sword. The commander hooking it to the belt of her pants before she tugs on a loose shirt. “I met her in the hall outside of the library. I see Ontari in her features and I think she may be the heir.” Clarke finishes and Lexa studies her. “Her voice.. it's familiar. The same voice I heard when I was stabbed. I know it's her but I don't know why she's here.”

 

“If she is the heir then she may be here for Ontari.. or-” Lexa cuts herself off. Jogging for her doors and throwing them open. Ordering her guards to head to the prison as soon as possible and they take off. Footsteps thudding down the hallway as Lexa returns. “We need to find Ontari. Roan will be protected until we catch her and know what it is that she wants.”

 

“When you capture her Lexa..” She is certain that Lexa will catch her assassin She will imprison her beside her brother but she isn't sure if she will kill her or if she will use her against Nia in order to end the war. “What do you plan to do with her?”

 

“I don't know yet. First, let us catch her and imprison her for her crimes.” Lexa leads the way. Footsteps loud as they echo off the walls and Clarke follows. Taking the lift down with her to the ground. Guards rushing around them to obey their heda but Lexa heads for Raven's workshop. Ignoring Zero where he barks at her from outside the door when she barges in. Clarke just behind her but they both freeze.

 

Clarke had forgotten about dinner with her friends once she'd recognized her assassin and the possible azgeda heir. The three people at the table look at her in surprise. “Ontari.”

 

“What's wrong?” Ontari stands abruptly. Quickly catching on to her urgent tone. “Is Polis under attack?”

 

“No but you may be.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“My assassin, who I think may be the azgeda heir, is here. She's in the city. I saw her in the tower but we don't know why she's here. She may be here to kill me, kill you or free Roan.” She glances at Lexa then back to Ontari. “We have to find her.”

 

“It shouldn't be a we. It should be you stay here where it's safe so Lexa and I can go find her.”

 

“She could be after you too Ontari.”

 

“Nia doesn't care about me anymore. I'm no longer the heir. She has made sure of that.”

 

“You could still take the throne, Ontari.” Lexa cuts in, glancing between the two before settling on Ontari. “Nia knows that. No matter what she's done or said to her people. That law goes back as far as our ancestors do.”

 

“I don't want the throne, heda. I've never wanted that throne and I never will.” Ontari replies sharply before she sighs, meeting blue eyes once more. “I will help you find the heir. Kill her even but I won't take the throne.”

 

“No one is saying you have to. We just need to find her. Capture her or kill her. That is up to Lexa but right now she's a threat. A threat we must stop.”

 

–

 

The city is abuzz with activity outside of the prison but she kneels before her still sleeping brother. Completely oblivious to what is about to take place. To the freedom his spirit is about to find as she brushes matted hair away from his face. Blue eyes opening slowly to take her in despite the darkness and he sits up. Chains rattling against the hard ground beneath them. He studies her in earnest a moment. Fear flickering through his gaze before he closes his eyes and present his throat to her.

 

“ _I know what you are here for.”_ He murmurs softly. Hands reaching up to tug down the ragged shirt he wears. Chain collar shifting against his skin and he winces in pain. The collar already having rubbed his skin raw. “ _Take my life so that I may live another. Do what my sister refuses to do. Be my true sister.”_ He grunts and Echo smiles.

 

“ _It would be an honor.”_ She lays her dagger against his skin. Ignoring the sound of approaching gona when she drops the dagger lower and stabs him through the heart. Killing him instantly and saving him the pain of drowning in his own blood. The light leaves his eyes as she sits beside him. Leaving her dagger in his chest as gona grab her roughly. Hauling her backward out of his cell as another gona drops to grab Roan. Finding him lifeless and the gona looks up at her with wide eyes.

 

“ _Who are you?”_

 

“ _No one important.”_ She smiles and the blood seems to drain from the gona's face.

 

“ _Heda will have your heart for this!”_

 

“ _A welcomed release.”_ She replies coldly. The gona stripping her of all her weapons and tying her hands behind her back. Dragging her backward into the sunset and pushing her into the dirt as heda Lexa finally arrives. Her traitor sister and surviving wanheda beside her. Only wanheda seems to hold a sliver of recognition in her gaze. The traitor looks at her with disgust but heda Lexa looks at her with interest. The gears turning in her head and Echo shakes her head. Looking up at wanheda and scanning her body. _“You control death. You kept yourself alive.. selfish if you ask me.”_

 

“ _No one asked you anything.”_ Wanheda replies to her quietly.

 

“ _What is your name?”_ Lexa kneels in the dirt. Grabbing her by the front of her leather armor roughly.

 

“ _Echo kom azgeda. The true azgeda heir. The one you stand beside is nothing but a traitor to the throne.”_

 

“ _You are a bastard.”_ Echo narrows her eyes at Lexa but she is right. Echo is a bastard. Only made heir to the throne by Nia's good graces but she is more of an heir than Ontari would ever be. Could ever be even. She understands the sacrifices that must be made in order to rule. She understands that under Lexa their way of life was being threatened. All of their traditions were at risk. Nia understood that. Echo understood that but Ontari didn't.

 

“ _I may be that but I am more of Nia's than anyone else. Her blood runs through my veins. Her thoughts are my thoughts. Her beliefs are my beliefs. Ontari is nothing like her. She is weak. A traitor to the throne and to the people who look to it for guidance. The people see me as a leader already. They respect me as they respect Nia.”_ She smiles to herself. _“The people would have slaughtered Ontari should she have ascended. They know she is weak. They know she is unfit to rule. She-”_

 

“ _You know nothing about me.”_ Ontari cuts her off. _“You are the old azgeda. You think as the old ones did. You think as Nia does but it is time for a new age. The age that heda Lexa brings us is an age of peace. The age of death and destruction is coming to an end. An end you will meet alongside it.”_

 

“ _Should I die.. then another will take my place. Another with the same thoughts and beliefs.”_ She growls out and Ontari hardens before her very eyes. A flicker of Nia set deep within her gaze and Echo smiles.

 

“ _Strip her of her armor and put her in a cell.”_ Lexa orders and the gona move into action. Leaving the heir in her clothes beneath the armor. _“Prepare a pyre for prince Roan. The least we can do in the wake of his abrupt death is set his spirit free.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

–

 

The flames cast shadows across the buildings around them. Smoke rising into the air as more of the wood catches. Roan should never have died in that cell. He should have never been killed by Echo. It wasn't her half sister's life to take. It was Ontari's but she'd avoided her duty as much as she could. Instead hoping she could have him remember who he had once been before Nia had changed him. Hoping he would become the brother she left behind but he hadn't and maybe that was her first mistake.

 

She never should have left him. Just as he never left her.

 

She squeezes her eyes shut as he burns. Allowing herself to break in the dancing light as most of the people around her have left. Only the sound of cracking, burning wood meeting her ears as she sinks down to sit on the ground. Legs crossed and face hidden behind her hands when the first tear escapes her. The first followed by a second until they stream down her cheeks. Her sobs masking the sound of someone approaching her until a body sinks down next to hers and she jumps.

 

“Relax, it's just me.” Raven murmurs. Pulling Ontari into a hug that only makes her break more. Tears soaking into the collar of her shirt. Hand rubbing small, slow circles across her back soothingly. “I've got you. Let it out.”

 

“He's dead.” Ontari chokes out, “he's dead and it's my fault Raven. I could have saved him. I could have made him escape with me. He could be alive right now and not in that pyre. He-”

 

“It's not your fault.” Raven cuts her off gently. Pulling her body back to peer into watery brown eyes. Tears still glistening on her cheeks before the girl wipes them away with her thumbs gently. “It's not your fault. Would he have gone with you if you had asked?”

 

“I.. I don't know.” She really doesn't know. Roan always seemed to be on Nia's side of things despite his betrayal when she was young. He always appeared to agree with what she thought and said when they were near Nia but away from her it was always different. He was warmer and more her brother. Maybe he would have agreed and left with her. Maybe he wouldn't have. “But I could have tried. I could have tried and he'd be alive. He wouldn't have been broken by Nia. He would still be _Roan_. Not that monster she turned him into.”

 

Raven remains quiet as she speaks. Saying nothing after she's finished but she nods slowly. Pulling her back into her chest warmly as they watch the flames die out together.

 

–

 

“ _Again Aden.”_ Lexa's voice rings out across the clearing and Clarke looks up to study the commander's rigid, distracted form. She hasn't been quite the same since Echo had been captured. She sat up most nights. Often rising to pace away the excess energy that filled her. They hadn't really talked about it but Clarke knew having Echo in the city was putting her on edge. The target set on the city more than they've seen thus far.

 

Scouts on the azgeda borders report nothing. Nothing comes from the ouskejon either. Spies in clans send nothing and it's almost as if Nia has given up but that can't be it. Nia wouldn't give up. She'd fight and fight with everything she was worth. Clarke sighs in confusion. Wondering just what Nia was up to but her thoughts are cut short when Lexa tells Aden to sit out. The boy wandering over to Clarke where she sits on a pile of rocks that other nightbloods sit on.

 

“ _Aden?”_ He looks up at her quietly. A clear look of regret in his eyes but Clarke isn't sure why. “Come here.” He moves with grace despite his lanky form. A boy clearly trained and it is no wonder that he is Lexa's favorite. _“What happened? I missed it.”_

 

“ _She says I am distracted.”_ He admits when he drops to sit on the rock next to her. Long legs dangling off the edge. _“Heda is distracted.”_ Aden turns to look her over. Blue eyes quick to take her in before he continues. _“Why is heda distracted? What has happened?”_

 

Clarke is well aware that Lexa keeps the nightbloods in the dark more often than not. Wanting them to focus on their training rather than on the war and Clarke will follow in her footsteps but she has no idea what to tell the boy. She can't give him the truth. Any other lie may make heda look weak in his eyes and she sighs. _“She is just preoccupied with the war.”_

 

“ _The war has taken a toll on all of us, Clarke.”_ He means the other nightbloods. With the war Lexa hasn't been able to teach them as often and Clarke nods in understanding. _“This war must end soon.”_

 

“ _I agree.”_

 

“ _Clarke?”_

 

“ _Yes, Aden?”_

 

“ _Would you train me? Heda does what she can but it's not enough. I, as well as the others, need more training in combat. Titus will not train with us. He believes that it is only heda's duty to train us but times are changing Clarke. Heda Lexa has changed everything for the better but the natblida training has remained in our old world when it needs to follow the rest of the world into the new. So will you train me? Train me so that I can help the others.”_

 

“ _Aden..”_ Training him meant putting him in danger. She could seriously hurt him. Kill him even and if that happened then she wouldn't be able to forgive herself. Neither would Lexa.

 

“ _I know what you are. All of us do. You were a pit fighter. A very good one. The champion even. You could probably beat heda if it came down to it.”_

 

“ _I would never even suggest that and neither should you.”_

 

“ _Right but we need this. The next commander should be ready if something were to happen to heda.”_

 

“ _And I do not trust myself enough to be able to stop myself from hurting you.”_

 

That silences him and he nods slowly with a sad look in his eyes before he descends to join the other nightbloods. Leaving Clarke to her drawings but soon after that Lexa concludes the training. Sending the nightbloods off to study with Titus but she remains in the clearing after they are gone. Standing there in her training gear and wood staff.

 

“Lexa?” Clarke calls out. Climbing down the rocks carefully and pocketing her notebook.

 

“Yes?” Lexa meets her gaze as she approaches. “Did you like watching?”

 

“It was interesting.” She wonders if she should tell Lexa what Aden had asked her to do and after a moment she sighs. There is no use in hiding it from her. “Aden asked me to train him so he could train the other nightbloods.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“I said no.” She adds quickly and Lexa's shoulders sag. “I don't trust myself enough to do that. I don't even trust myself to practice with you. How could I ever train someone?”

 

“You could. You are a good warrior, strong. Many warriors could benefit from your training.”

 

“And die in the process because I can't stop myself.”

 

“You can.” And she's right. Clarke had stopped herself before. She'd stopped herself with Octavia and Ontari. Ontari walking away with minor injuries but there was more to Lexa. She had betrayed her. Left her to die at the mountain and despite Clarke's forgiveness of what had happened. She still worries about what would happen when the pit fighter within took over. “I trust you but I will not ask you to fight me.”

 

“I know.” She leans her head against Lexa's shoulder. “If only I were stronger..”

 

“You are the strongest I know and I trust that one day you will see you as I do.” Lexa hugs her warmly but Clarke remains silent. She can't be afraid forever. She can't keep doing this to herself and to Lexa. Her patience will begin to wane one day and then what? Lexa deserved better than what Clarke could give her. “What are you thinking about?”

 

“You.”

 

“Good things?”

 

“Not exactly.” She pulls back. Finding confusion written in green eyes. “You deserve better than me. You know that don't you?”

 

“I don't because I think that it is you who deserve better than me.”

 

Clarke shakes her head. Pressing a soft kiss to Lexa's cheek then pulling away. “Come on. Let's get you cleaned up.”

 

“Sha.”

 

–

 

Lexa wakes to a pitch black room. The candles long since burned out as she slips from the sheets. Careful not to wake Clarke as she sleeps on her side away from Lexa. Her body not stirring as Lexa pulls on her discarded pants and grabs her boots from beside the bed. Padding carefully from the room and ordering her guards to keep watch over Clarke.

 

Leaving her in the middle of the night isn't ideal but she needs to see Echo. The silence from Nia is nerve wracking. She needs to know what she is planning and she knows she'll only get that from Echo should the heir speak. When she arrives at the prison she finds quiet. The entire city silent in the dead of night. The guards at the entrance shifting to attention when Lexa approaches. The guard who sits outside of Echo's cell stands up straighter until Lexa waves him away.

 

“ _The mighty heda grants me a visit in the dead of night.”_ Echo mocks when she sits up from the cold floor. _“Come to surrender or come to kill me?”_

 

“ _Neither.”_

 

“ _Sad.”_ Echo lies back down. Her back facing Lexa. _“See me when you decide.”_

 

“ _What is Nia planning?”_

 

Echo chuckles softly. Sitting back up and peering at her through the torch light. _“She plans a war is all I know.”_

 

“ _As well as your rescue I would assume.”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _No?”_

 

“ _No, no rescue. If she would not even choose to rescue Roan from this prison then what makes you think she would rescue me?”_

 

“ _You are her heir. You take the throne should she die.”_

 

“ _Ontari is still an heir. Nia has yet to take it from her.”_ Echo yawns. Chains rattling from the movement and Lexa frowns at her in confusion. _“I finally understood why when I was captured. The azgeda blood runs deep in her veins. Deeper than she could ever imagine. It is not something she could ever get rid of it. No matter how much she stands by you, she is still an azgeda. She is still Nia's and all it will take is a little push. Maybe a little more than it took Roan but still a push.”_

 

“ _What Nia do to him?”_

 

“ _She made him the man he could have always been. She made him a true azgeda and if he had been born a woman. He would have been the perfect heir to take over. She would not have needed me.”_

 

“ _She broke him.”_

 

“ _How can you call it that when he was not broken?”_

 

“ _I had met him before. Before the war.. when I was bringing the clans together. He came in Nia's stead. He was a good warrior, strong and did what needed to be done but he was also human. When he came to my prison.. he was none of that. He was broken, a monster. He abused his sister in ways that only Nia had done before.”_

 

“ _He was the same man I met when Nia brought me to Ontre. He was the same man I watched leave when he led the army to Polis. There was no difference.”_

 

Lexa steels herself over in thought. A different question coming to mind. Why would Echo come to Polis to kill Roan. Why risk herself like that? _“Why did you come here to kill Roan?”_

 

“ _Nia ordered it.”_ Echo gives her rather easily. _“I wondered why myself to be honest but I figure she has some secret plan she keeps to herself.”_

 

“ _And you are okay with her doing so?”_

 

Echo sighs, _“I was not meant to be born heda. The days I live now are a gift from the gods and for that I am grateful.”_

 

“ _The gods have a plan for everyone, even you.”_ Echo scoffs at her. Lying on her side but facing Lexa this time. Humor filling brown eyes that linger with a darkness that Lexa has seen all too often in Nia's own eyes. _“You do not have to fight for her. You can join us.”_

 

“ _And help you usher in a new age of peace? No.”_ Chains rattle when she shifts forward. Coming to sit right behind the bars the separate them. The chains taunt behind her. _“I know that I am just a pawn in Nia's games. A distraction if you will. Her other plans failed. Roan failed to bring Ontari back. Ontari failed to kill him and spark what Nia knows is within her. If I know anything about her. Then she sent me here just to try and spark it again. Hoping Roan's death by my hand would force her into it. Every plan she has ever set into motion has failed. Even releasing Clarke to you has failed.”_ She huffs, _“instead wanheda falls in love with you when she was meant to kill you.”_

 

“ _Things changed.”_ She murmurs quietly. Taking in what Echo has told her. Nia only released Clarke out of the hope that she would eventually find Lexa and kill her. Giving her all of the tools she'd need in order to do so but that had backfired. _“The gods had a different plan for her.”_

 

“ _So it seems.”_ She scoots back again. _“Now unless you have something important to talk about you should go. I am rather tired.”_

 

Lexa nods rather than speak. Turning to leave the prison and returning to the tower. Remaining silent when she sneaks back into her room but she freezes Clarke shifts once she's laid back down. Arms encircling her waist and breath released against her neck.

 

“Where were you?” Clarke murmurs sleepily.

 

“Couldn't sleep so I went to see Echo.” Clarke hums in the silence as if she hadn't heard Lexa. Her breathing slowing and Lexa sighs. Wanting more than anything to prove to Clarke that what she had been told only proved her strength even more.

 

–

 

The staff whirls. Singing through the air but Clarke raises her own to block. The sound echoing in the small arena as Lexa and Lagetha watch her spar with an azgeda rebel. It had taken a lot for her to agree. Only agreeing if she were watched to stop her from seriously hurting someone. The man she spars with battle hardened and experienced. Not one Clarke would expect to find among rebels. Older than Lagetha even. Hair solid white and beard thick but he moves as if he is twenty years younger. The butt of his staff knocks into Clarke's ankles and she grunts in pain. Dodging a second strike and swinging her staff around to slam against his shoulder. Whirling to bring up the tail end against the side of his knee. Effectively forcing him to kneel before her and claiming a win over him.

 

“Good.” Lexa pulls the man to his feet and Clarke pauses when she finds him smiling.

 

“ _It was an honor to train with you, wanheda.”_ He walks away with a slight limp and Clarke sighs. Meeting Lexa's gaze and finding a look that reads she knew how this would end.

 

“Another?”

 

“Sure.” Clarke back tracks to her starting position as another rebel takes the man's place. A man much younger than the first. Dark curly hair brushed back behind his ears and dark brown eyes sharp. Confidence evident in his small stature and cocky twirling of his staff.

 

“ _Begin.”_ Lexa barely has the word out of her mouth before the boy moves. Quicker than Clarke had expected him to be. Staff slamming into her chest with enough force to knock the breath from her lungs and he spins. Staff again slamming into her shoulder. Smirk on his lips when Clarke grunts in pain but then she's on the ground. Staring up at the sky above her before a shadow falls over her.

 

“ _The azgeda champion is not all that she seems.”_ The boy grins at her. End of his staff pointing at her face.

 

“ _Who are you?”_ She asks him and his smile widens.

 

“ _Victor, podakru champion.”_ He moves as if he's going to let her up but Clarke isn't finished with this fight yet, much less the pit fighter within. She grabs her staff. Sweeping it against his legs and he trips. Catching himself on his own staff but Clarke is up. Knocking him off balance by knocking her shoulder into him. Swinging her staff around to connect with his abdomen before he hits the ground. He groans in pain on the ground. _“Perhaps I was wrong..”_

 

“ _Sha, you were.”_

 

“ _Heda!”_ Clarke looks up sharply. Spotting Bjorn rushing Lexa. A look of worry and fear written on his face as he comes to a stop before her. _“Scouts returning from the ouskejon borders report large groups of gona moving for the azgeda borders. Yujleda have been reportedly beginning to call gona to arms. Louwada Kliron and Trishana gather near our southern borders.”_

 

Clarke studies Lexa then. Her eyes slowly closing as she listens before nodding. Only opening her eyes to meet Clarke's gaze then back to Bjorn. The peak of the war was coming. Everyone in that small arena knew it. It was now or never for them.

 

“ _Victor. Are you still confident in your decision to leave Dusk?”_

 

“ _Sha heda. I promised my father before his death that I would always follow who I believed in and I do not believe in Dusk. Not now, not ever but you I do believe in.”_ He smiles where he still kneels on the ground. _“Besides heda.. I would be a fool to think that Nia could ever hope to win when heda and wanheda fight for the same cause.”_

 

Clarke rolls her eyes but Lexa looks back to Bjorn where the general still waits for her command. _“Gather my generals and meet me in the war room.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

–

 

Lexa stands at the head of the table. Thumb brushing over the hilt of her daggers as her generals finally enter the room. The generals joined by scouts sent from allied clans. Clarke on her right stands closer than Indra does on her left. She won't admit to the group that she's nervous. Even a little afraid of what is to come. The coming battles will determine either a victory or a loss and she may never see some of these people ever again. She may not even live to see the end of it but she steels herself over before her allies and generals.

 

“ _The peak of the war is coming and we must be ready to meet it.”_ She begins, glancing at Clarke then back to the gona before her. _“Ingranrona, Boudalan, Floukru, send word to your respective leaders that the time has come. To send what gona they can to Polis as quickly as possible.”_ The scouts nod before Lexa waves them away. There is no time to waste. _“Indra.”_

 

“ _Heda.”_

 

“ _Send out a call to arms for any and all gona willing to fight. We need to refill our ranks.”_ Indra nods in agreement and turns to leave before Lexa raises her hand to stop her. _“I need you lead the forces to our southern borders. If it becomes too much you are to return to Polis. Empty any and all villages that you meet in your retreat. I will not lose someone that I can save during this war.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_

 

“ _Go.”_ Lexa waits until she is gone to address the remaining generals. _“The rest of you will be given a command. It may not be trikru and you may have to work alongside a general of that respective clan.”_ The group nods in acknowledgment, taking their leave rather quickly but Lexa reaches out to take Clakre's hand once the room is empty.

 

“What is it Lexa?”

 

“There is something else that I plan to do. Something I have been planning since nearly the beginning of this war but I want your thoughts on it.”

 

“Okay.. what is it?”

 

“Nia will not ride with her army to attack. She will remain hidden behind her walls while her most trusted lead the armies.” She takes a deep breath. “And.. I do not think that Polis can withstand a large scale attack. Not with how weak it is now. Our allies will help but Nia outnumbers us. So I've got a different idea. One you will not like.”

 

Clarke sighs, “you want to attack Ontre. Kill Nia in her own city and end the war with her.”

 

“Sha.”

 

“It's a bad idea Lexa. We don't know if her forces will move to attack Polis. We don't know if it's just a distraction while Oston is attacked or even the ingranrona. It's a huge risk.”

 

“A risk we must take so no more innocent die in this war.” Lexa reasons and Clarke frowns at her but she's considering it. She knows that it may be the only way. She understands and after a moment Clarke pulls her into a hug. “Clarke?”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“We'll do it but who will you leave in command of Polis?”

 

“Lagetha.”

 

“What?”

 

“She is just as experienced as Indra is. Should Indra have to retreat back to Polis then they will be in command together.”

 

“You've really thought this through haven't you?”

 

“I couldn't sleep some nights.” Lexa admits and Clarke hugs her tighter. “I want to take Bjorn and Ontari with us. Ontari knows her way around Ontre. They are both experienced warriors and I believe that Bjorn will like the idea of finally getting what he nearly died for.”

 

“And when Nia dies.. who takes over as queen?”

 

“I don't know.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not going to lie to anyone when I say that I am getting a little tired of writing this fic. It feels like it's becoming a little repetitive. Getting a little too long and I don't want any of the people who still read to get bored with it. In my mind there are only a 3 or even 4 chapters left. I know how I want it to end and that is what I'm building up to. I'm not saying that I haven't loved writing this because I have loved writing it. I just hope you guys have enjoyed reading it.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank everyone for the amount of support regarding my decision to end this. All of you are amazing!

Silence fills the space. A cold sort of silence that puts Ontari on edge. She doesn't feel all that right. A Roan sized hole in her heart that feels so large and so heavy that she just sits as Raven draws up an idea at her table. No energy lingers in her limbs to get up and do something. She knows that Raven worries. She can feel her gaze shift over to her. Even Zero looks up at her from time to time. A soft whimper in his throat when he looks away to Raven as if to ask her to do something about Ontari's sadness.

 

These are the few hours before she leaves with heda Lexa to ride for Ontre. Hours she's decided to spend with Raven and Zero rather than anyone else. She could be gathering her armor, her supplies and sharpening her weapons but she sits. Staring into the sunlight that comes in slanted through the window before Raven. It promises a warm day but she's cold. Both inside her heart and outside of it.

 

“You leave tonight?” Raven asks as if she doesn't know but she does know. She was here when Lexa and Clarke came in to tell them about the new plan. She listened while Ontari had merely let it wash over her.

 

“Sha.” Ontari murmurs softly. Laying back in Raven's bed as her friend sighs. Straightening up from the table and coming to sit on the edge of the bed.

 

“It's a dangerous mission.”

 

“I know.”

 

“You could die.”

 

“As I should.” She closes her eyes. “It should have been me and not Roan. He didn't deserve to die..”

 

“And neither do you.”

 

“I betrayed him, Raven.” Ontari opens her eyes and meets the defiant gaze of her friend. Raven ready to disagree with anything Ontari had to say. “It should have been me on that pyre. He should be the one still living today. Not me.”

 

“That's not true and you know it.”

 

“Nia.. Echo.. they are both right about me. I'm not fit to be the azgeda heir. I'm weak. I'm not even azgeda. It's blood doesn't run through my veins. I'm too weak for it. I'm too weak to have ever been considered an azgeda.” She takes a shaky breath. “I'm worth nothing to everyone and that I am sure of.”

 

“You're wrong. You're wrong about everything that you just said!” Her voice rises and Ontari frowns. “You are an azgeda. Through and through. I know it because I've seen it. You're strong. Strong because you defied Nia. Your brother couldn't do that. Echo couldn't do that but you could and you did! You became more than they could ever be. You're bringing in a new era of peace!” She sighs, “no azgeda except for you would ever be strong enough to do that. No azgeda except for you has ever had the strength to say no to more bloodshed.”

 

“You don't know what you're saying..” She is not the only one. The rebels defied Nia too but Ontari had been too weak to overthrow Nia back then. Just as she'd been too weak to take down the mountain. Just as she was too weak to do anything now. “The rebels failed and we will fail again. Even with Clarke and heda. We will fail.”

 

“You won't fail..”

 

“You don't know that.”

 

“No but I know Clarke, I know Lexa's strength, I know this city's strength, I know it's people's strength and most of all.. I know your strength. I have heard of the things you've done. You've told me them. Others have too. Your rebellion failed because there just wasn't enough to combat Nia. It wasn't the failure of it's leaders or it's people but the numbers. Numbers you have now.” She licks her lips. “I know your strength. You followed Clarke and helped keep her safe. You helped me and kept me safe. You fought for this city and made it out alive. You helped win it back. You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for and I'm proud to be your friend because of the strength I see in you.”

 

She looks down at her with nothing but confidence. Grabbing her hand and tugging her to sit up. Grasping her forearm when she rises to her request. A certain desire evident in brown eyes that Ontari blinks at in confusion. She recognizes it for what it is but she wonders if it's real. They're friends yes but she thought that was where it had ended yet Raven seems to feel more. Her suspicions only confirmed when warm lips press against hers. Kissing her softly at first before deepening the kiss. Hand behind her neck and keeping her in place before the quiet of Ontari's heart is obliterated by the rapid beat it takes on.

 

The kiss ends before Ontari is ready. Dark brown eyes that meet hers almost cautiously when they part. “You'll come back and when you do.. I'll be here. Win or lose, I'll be here.”

 

“If we lose.. I'll be dead.”

 

“You won't die. You're too strong for that. I know that and deep down.. I think you know that too.”

 

Ontari rests her forehead against Raven's. “I hope you're right.”

 

“I know I am.”

 

–

 

Lexa paces the floor. Clarke remaining seated on the couch just beside her when the doors to their room open. A woman Lexa recognizes entering without an ounce of caution but Clarke studies her in confusion before looking up at Lexa then back to the woman. She's a thin woman, long dirty blonde hair braided back away from her angular face. Light hazel eyes glancing between Clarke and Lexa when she pauses before them.

 

“ _Niylah.”_ Lexa speaks first. Rounding the couch Clarke sits on to extend her arm to Niylah. _“You've agreed.”_

 

“ _Sha, heda.”_ Niylah replies. Taking Lexa's arm for a brief moment before releasing. _“It would be foolish of me to reject a request from heda Lexa herself.”_

 

“ _What's going on?”_ Clarke finally asks. Standing up from her seat and approaching the woman who looks over her in recognition. _“Who are you exactly?”_

 

“ _Clarke, this is Niylah. She is a trader and the person who will help get us to Ontre without making Nia aware of our plans.”_

 

“ _We have met before.”_ Niylah cuts in and Clarke merely blinks at her in confusion. _“In Arle. You ran into me when you were running away from something or.. someone rather.”_

 

“ _You-”_ It comes to her slowly. The fight with Ontari in the exile village then her escape when she'd nearly killed her. Running into a vendor before running away further into the abandoned city. _“That was you?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _I ran into you.”_

 

“ _I am aware. I had a bruise for a few days after.”_

 

“ _I see.. Sorry.”_

 

“ _Suffered worse, wanheda.”_ Niylah looks back to Lexa then. Looking her up and down. _“I will find you both something more suitable. Now you look like heda and wanheda. No one would believe you two are traders.”_ Eyes fall on blonde hair. _“And your hair is too much of a give away but I know of a way to fix that.”_

 

“ _Do what you must to get us into that city.”_

 

“ _It will not be easy.”_

 

“ _Has anything thus far in this war been easy?”_

 

Niylah shakes her head before turning to leave. Giving Clarke and Lexa a moment of privacy but the moment Niylah is gone. Lexa turns to wrap Clarke up in a hug. Holding onto her tightly for a long moment before pulling back a little.

 

“Niylah isn't aware about the plan in it's entirety. She doesn't know that I plan to enter Ontre to kill Nia. Disguised or not. I do not think we will be able to use a disguise since we have Ontari. She would give us away.” She takes a deep breath. “That is why I intend to claim her as a prisoner until we reach Ontre. To anyone who sees her.. they will think she is our prisoner.”

 

“And you think she'll go for it?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I see.. you trust Niylah then?”

 

“I trust her enough to not betray us as she has no tie to Nia. Traders are rather neutral and I plan to use that to our advantage. She is born sangedakru too, our ally.”

 

“I see.. but when do we leave?”

 

“Tonight while the city sleeps.”

 

“A trader, an heir, one heda, one rebel and one pit fighter leaving on a mission that will most likely get us all killed.”

 

“Have a little faith in the gods and me.”

 

–

 

Night falls and with it comes the time to leave. Clarke, Bjorn and Lexa dressed in clothes that make them look the part of traders. Everything that had made Lexa look like the commander was gone. Her weapons replaced by short knives and a bow. Red sash missing and replaced by a thin, cloth hood. Hair tied back in loose braids rather than what she normally wore. She looked so much different than Clarke had ever seen her and if she hadn't known Lexa before hand. She'd assume that she was a trader.

 

Clarke finds herself dressed much the same but with fewer weapons. Only a dagger strapped to the middle of her lower back. Her horse replaced by an older one. A horse that has seen many journeys and it mirrors the aging black horse that Lexa rides. Ontari remains silent behind Lexa on her the horse. A hood over her head and hands behind her. She looks the part of prisoner as they follow a trade route. Clarke's blonde hair hidden by cloth as Niylah told them they had to find something first before doing something about it.

 

“Why am I always the prisoner?” Ontari murmurs to herself and Clarke chuckles softly to herself.

 

“Would you rather it were Lexa?”

 

“Yes.” Ontari shifts behind Clarke. “I see nothing. My wrists ache and my butt hurts.”

 

“All in a prisoners days work but I am sure we may stop soon.”

 

“ _We will.”_ Niylah speaks up ahead of her. Leading a horse loaded with wares. _“We are approaching what I need to change your hair, wanheda.”_

 

“ _Lovely.”_ Clarke grumbles as Niylah suddenly stops them. Climbing off her horse and disappearing into the woods beside them as Lexa holds onto her discarded horses. The woman returning after a moment with a pile of something cloth wrapped in her hands and a devious smirk on her lips. _“What is that?”_

 

“ _The thing that will hide you.”_ She unwraps it carefully. Presenting to Clarke red berries that stain the cloth red beneath it and it clicks in her mind what the trader intends to do. She's going to color her hair the color of those berries. _“Are you ready to become a redhead?”_

 

“ _Not really.”_

 

“ _Too bad.”_ Niylah motions for her to follow and Clarke sighs. Slipping off the side of her horse to follow the trader into the woods without glancing back at Lexa. Following the woman deep into the woods to a flowing stream. Bushes growing alongside it with more of the berries. _“Sit. Strip off your shirt and take your braids out.”_

 

Clarke frowns but does as she's told. Leaving her chest bound as she sits on a large rock alongside the stream. Loosening the braids that Lexa had worked into her hair mere hours ago before Niylah returns with more berries. Cool, wet fingers touching her shoulder and for a moment Clarke is very aware that Niylah has full view of her scars but the trader says nothing about them. Instead her fingers move through blonde hair to part and Clarke stills as the woman works. Skin shivering when feels something drip onto her bare skin but she doesn't look. Instead reaching back to dip her fingers into it. The red color almost as red as blood on her fingertips.

 

“ _When I finish..”_ Niylah begins. _“You must not get it wet. If you get it wet then it will come out. People will know who you are. They will know who we are.”_

 

“ _And we will die.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ Niylah drags her fingers through reddening blonde hair. Fingertips against her scalp before she continues. _“I will bring berries with us just in case but where we are going there will be little chance for rain. The snow will not make it run unless you let it. You must wear your hood at all times.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

Minutes pass before Niylah seems to comb through her hair for any missed spots before she braids it back behind Clarke's ears. The braids coming to lie thick against Clarke's back before the trader draws back. Kneeling to rinse her hands in the stream under Clarke's gaze then straightening up.

 

“ _Dress and come on. We have no time to waste.”_

 

“ _I'm coming.”_ Clarke grumbles, dressing in the moonlight before following the now impatient trader. Covering up her head when they step back onto the road and meeting Lexa's gaze where she still sits on her horse. The group continuing as Niylah leads the way. Following thin trails that avoid many main roads. That will help them avoid others on the roads until they come across other traders. Niylah leads them up sloping hills then back down. Across shallow creeks and around full ponds from recent rainfall.

 

“ _Where are you taking us?”_ Lexa asks suddenly but Niylah doesn't look back at her to reply.

 

“ _Just because I am taking you to Ontre as a trader does not mean that I will stop what I do.”_

 

Lexa scoffs and Niylah stops them minutes later to rest before dawn.

 

–

 

Morning casts rays across her cot. Her body filled with a little more strength than the day before. A certain desire to get up and move about taking front and center but she looks down at the head that lays on her shoulder. Dark hair clean from a recent bath but face still gaunt as she sleeps. Her warmth calming and Alta breathes a sigh of relief. She hadn't failed. Her people were safe once again but there is an ache in her heart for the ones she lost in those cells. Their spirits left to roam the ground without proper release.

 

“ _You are awake.”_ Nadira shifts beside her. Peering down into gray eyes with a soft smile. _“I have missed your eyes.”_

 

“ _I have missed yours._ ” Alta agrees. Taking her hand warmly. Running her thumb over the palm of her hand before bringing it to her lips to kiss gently. _“Where is Clarke?”_

 

“ _Gone. She came by in the middle of the night to tell me goodbye and I promised her I would send it on to you.”_

 

“ _Where is she going?”_ Alta sits up with a grunt. Accepting Nadira's warm embrace.

 

“ _To Ontre.. the commander.. she has decided to end this war once and for all.”_ The lingering uncertainty remains unspoken in the air as Alta nods in understanding. _“An army gathers all around us. An army of many different coming together for one cause as another army builds to destroy it. The days coming will be very trying. It will test all of us in ways we have never seen before. Whether the commander completes her mission or not will decide our fates.”_

 

“ _The commander has Clarke.”_

 

“ _And she is stronger for it but they ride with the heir, with Ontari.”_

 

“ _If the commander manages to win then Ontari will take over as queen of the azgeda.”_ Alta swings her legs over the edge of the cot. _“I wish to leave this bed and this room.”_

 

“ _I know you are strong but you are still weak. Your body still needs time.”_

 

“ _I am strong enough.”_ Alta loosens Nadira's grip and stands on unsteady legs. The woman beside her quickly rising to take her hand and wrap an arm around her waist.

 

“ _Bathe before you leave this room._ ” Alta can at least agree to that and she nods. Sitting back down on the cot and Nadira leaves only to call for handmaidens to fill a bath for her. The time spent between waiting for the bath is the time she spends in her thoughts. Clarke is on a dangerous mission. A mission that may end her life before she has had a chance to truly live it. She suspects that if Clarke does manage to survive then she will live her new life with Lexa. That their world will find a new peace to dwell within. That the clans will grow and become more than what they were now without Nia's darkness clouding them from the rays of inspiration to become more.

 

“ _Alta?”_ Nadira cuts into her thoughts suddenly and Alta looks up. _“It's ready.”_

 

“ _Thank you.”_

 

–

 

The village they stop in is a small one. Only older men, nursing mothers and goufa seem to remain as many of the warriors have left to join Lexa's army. Niylah trades with them despite that and Clarke tugs her hood down further over her head as she walks between their homes. Studying the people as Niylah does her thing in the middle of the village. Lexa, Bjorn and Ontari left behind in the woods but Clarke had agreed to go with Niylah as a precaution. Taking the guise of being a warrior meant to protect Niylah from harm in the time of war.

 

Clarke pauses when she spots a woman and a newborn sitting on a smooth rock near the edge of the village. The baby suckling at her breast greedily and it strikes her in that moment that this child was born during the war. That his first breathes were taken while gona died so that he may live to fight for his heda too. That his future may be clouded by war. That he may never even make it to the status of gona should they fail in their mission. The woman looks up then and offers Clarke a shy smile but she keeps herself in check. Nodding curtly to her then turning to go. Finding Niylah packed and ready to go

 

“ _Enjoy your visit?”_ Niylah asks once they are far enough away.

 

“ _I guess.”_

 

“ _No one recognized you?”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _Good.”_ Niylah leads them back to Lexa and Ontari. Ontari on the ground with her head covered still and Lexa standing in front of her horse. _“Mount up. We are moving on.”_

 

It takes days as they ride for the azgeda border. Passing through more villages but they stop once they reach the border. The air cooler and it bites through Clarke's clothes before Niylah throws open a hidden hatch in the ground. The metal screeching and loud before it thuds against the icy ground. The ladder down iced over and darkness greets them. Stagnant air reaching up to them as the trader points into the dark.

 

“ _Down. Now.”_ She orders and Clarke sighs. Heading down first into the dark but she pauses at the bottom. Jumping when something is thrown to her. Hitting the floor loudly before she bends to group the darkness for it. Grabbing and she quickly realizes that it's a candle. Crude and rough in her hands as she lights it with a thin match from her pocket. The light filling the narrow hallway before her as a second body climbs down. Niylah joining her on the ground and leading the way as the read of them follow her. The latch above closing and echoing down the hall. _“A trader told me of this place a long time ago. I visit from time to time and for now we will use it to hide from the azgeda army when it comes through the woods around us.”_

 

She opens a heavy door at the end of the hallway. Revealing a large room that looks identical to the one Clarke had stayed in a long time ago with Finn. An underground bunker filled with shadows and cobwebs but more candles that Niylah lights as she rounds the room. Illuminating beds covered in furs and food supplies.

 

“ _This is where you take over heda.”_ Niylah sits down on one of the beds in the room slowly.

 

“ _One of us will go out and keep watch each day. We'll switch out at sunset and sunrise until the army leaves Ontre.”_ Lexa explains and Clarke nods. _“Niylah agreed back in Polis to trade the horses in a nearby azgeda village for clothes meant for the snow. Once the army is gone.. we'll walk to Ontre.”_

 

“ _It will be hard and dangerous.”_ Ontari offers up, a certain sadness lingering in her voice. Head uncovered and hands free from her binds. _“The land around Ontre will be impassable by night. The ground will be watched by scouts during the day but they will not report anything to Nia or generals unless it is suspicious to them. All we have to do is the look part of a trader to get over.”_

 

“ _And beyond that? Getting into the city?”_ Clarke questions.

 

“ _There are many tunnels that run beneath the city. The exiles stayed in one of them before they could escape outside the walls. We'll use it until the changing of the guards or joining other traders to get into the city.”_

 

“ _You have thought about this, Ontari.”_

 

“ _I am here.. I may as well help in the few ways that I can.”_

 

“ _Can we not use those tunnels to get into the city?”_

 

“ _Maybe.. but I believe Nia blocked all of them.”_

 

“ _We can still check them.”_ Lexa cuts in and Clarke nods in agreement. _“Come Niylah, let us get this done before nightfall.”_

 

“ _Sha, heda.”_

 

–

 

Indra orders her to scout alongside the others. The three of them climbing trees that look out over the border between trikru and the yujleda. The river a dark, murky brown and thin compared to many she's seen before but a bridge spans it. Broken in some places, vines covering the surface in others. Well worn and used. A trading village sat just behind it in trikru territory. Indra's army placed there to await an attack. Building it's defenses before what is sure to be a battle. Indra believes there will be a fight, heda too and Octavia is beginning to agree.

 

Across the river there are burnt out torches. She can just make out a young man sitting on the edge of the river but half hidden behind a patch of thick brush. A scout no doubt. Attempting to find the trikru in the trees but judging by the way he searches almost frantically he can't find them. The trees too thick with new growth for him to spot them. She settles on her limb. Knowing she'll be there for longer than she'd want but it was her duty to be there. She would not betray Indra again. The second chance was a gift she feels incredibly grateful for. A chance she never thought she'd get.

 

In the time since they all first fell to the ground to now was so different. Many of them were dead. Lost in the horrors of the ground before they had a real grip on things. Lost to the mountain before it fell. Lost to the azgeda. More may even be lost in this war. She's well aware that some of the 100 had decided to join the war for the floukru. Some would be in Polis by now. Her brother included. The man taking up weapon training during his time in Hilelia but he wasn't the only one. Even Jasper becoming relatively good with a bow.

 

Yes, many things had changed. With a sigh she looks back out over the river. The scout from before missing but there is movement in the brush. She whips her head around to lock eyes with the scout nearby in another tree and he nods slowly, carefully as to not alert the opposite side of the river. He had seen the movement too. The third scout on Octavia's opposite side giving her a short nod as well before climbing down to report back to Indra.

 

The army on the opposite side of the river was growing and the fight that was to come only grew closer with each passing second.

 

–

 

The sun bears down on the back of her neck as she leads the horse that drags logs towards Colum. Her clan and many of its workers set about bringing materials into the city for the rebuilding. Nearby a worker leads a horse pulling a cart full of cut stone but Agnes pauses when she spots a lone rider riding hard for her. One of her own scouts. The same one she sent to Polis and with her arrival it could only mean one thing. That the war was picking up in speed. That the ingranrona were needed.

 

The scout pulls up in a cloud of dust. Sliding off the side of the horse and rushing her. Dust covering her exposed skin and clothes. Brown eyes wide and dark hair wild with her mad dash.

 

“ _Slow down. What is it?_ ” Agnes speaks before the hurried scout.

 

“ _Heda Lexa has sent out a call to arms! She asks that you send armies to Polis to defend against the azgeda army that rides for it's walls!”_ The woman speaks loudly, breath harsh in her throat as she sucks in a deep breath to calm herself. _“The boudalan have been alerted, floukru too.”_

 

“ _I see..”_ Agnes waves over a worker to take her horse and it's load. _“I will bring my armies together but I need you to go to Erson. Find Ingrid and tell her what is going on. She will know what to do.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _Go!”_ Agnes sends the scout off. Watching the rider mount her horse once more before taking off in a cloud of dust. The time has come and she has many things to do. Her armies are already gathered but scattered across many villages. Ingrid already has many messengers waiting in the temporary capitol ready to send out. An army will greet her once Agnes has made it herself to the city but first there is something she must do.

 

–

 

Hollow is filled to the brim. Gona wander the streets more often than it's vendors do. The blacksmith works through the night to sharpen weapons. Tailors repairing armor and even Hollow himself has pitched in to help both the blacksmith and the tailor. His generals prepare the armies. Training them and laying on thickly just how important the coming battles will be. It's when Hollow watches his generals run gona through maneuvers when a scout approaches. Riding up rather loudly on a horse too large for the man's small body.

 

“ _Hollow!”_

 

“ _Gallant?”_ The man slides off his horse with a spring in his step. Excitement coursing through his veins for what he assumes will be his first battle. _“I take it heda Lexa has called for my armies?”_

 

“ _Sha. She has sent out a call to arms for all of her allies for the defense of Polis.”_

 

“ _Nia is moving again..”_

 

“ _Sha, armies gather at the southern borders and more ride for Ontre to join the azgeda armies.”_

 

“ _I see.”_ Hollow nods, waving over his general. A tall woman that stands nearly as tall as him and just as strong. Tarth a woman who walked right out of the mountains during his ascension and right into his armies. Her short blonde hair damp with sweat but icy blue eyes cool and emotionless. _“It's time. Gather the other gona and generals. We ride at dawn for Polis.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ She turns from him and shouts at the gona. Her voice loud as it carries over their heads and they react almost instantaneously. The general then ordering the excited scout beside Hollow to find the rest of the generals and relay the same message. _“I have this taken care of.”_ Tarth explains with a glance back at him. “ _You go and prepare yourself.”_

 

He nods rather than speak. He isn't quite ready for this. He won't lie to himself and say that he isn't scared but he will keep it to himself. His warriors don't need to know that their leader is afraid. It won't do good for moral so he must keep a brave face for them. He must be brave for all of them.

 

–

 

“ _Heda is not here, Luna.”_

 

“ _And here I thought she was finally getting better at hiding from me.”_ Luna faces the empty throne. Refusing to meet the face of an azgeda rebel and it's not that she hates them. She quite respects them. They were brave enough to defy a bloodthirsty queen and join a much larger rebellion than the one they started with. _“Where is she this time?”_

 

“ _Ending the war.. or so she hopes.”_

 

“ _You doubt your heda?”_

 

“ _No but I know Nia. It will be no easy feat.”_ She sighs, turning to look back at the general. _“Everyone knows it will not be easy. We have known it since she ascended and further still when she was a child. Right, Lagetha?”_

 

“ _Right..”_

 

“ _You were an Ontre guard when she was a child? Or were you in training? I always get my time wrong.”_

 

“ _Training.”_ Lagetha rests her hand on the hilt of her sword. Eyes taking on a distant look as she recalls her past. _“I trained as a guard until her ascension. By then I already knew the kind of queen she would be. It was no accident that her mother died as early as she did. There was no assassin and all of the guards knew it. One of us found her standing over the lifeless body with a bloody dagger and I watched her escape the city a day later.”_

 

“ _She did not return for nearly a year..”_ Luna added in. She had heard all the rumors about the heir. Heard of her confirmation too. The old story of Nia's disappearing act fell into place with the heir's birth and age but why Nia had killed her mother was beyond many of them. It may have had something to do with her pregnancy. Her mother possibly threatening to disown her. To take the throne and find another. _“Then she returns to ascend after throwing her nation into a panic.”_ She scoffs.

 

“ _She was just a goufa.”_

 

“ _Never thought I would live to the see the day that an azgeda rebel defended her queen. Are you sure you are all in for this war?”_ She smirks at the general but Lagetha frowns at her. _“Loyalty runs deep.”_

 

“ _Deeper than it should.”_

 

Luna hums to herself a moment. Looking back up at the empty throne. _“I hope heda Lexa conquers the queen.”_

 

“ _You doubt your heda?”_

 

“ _I just would hate to see a new commander ascend before I have said my goodbyes to the old.”_

 

“ _Wanheda rides with her. Bjorn too.”_

 

“ _That does not make me feel any better..”_ She still doesn't trust Clarke. There is dark blood in her veins. Her mind isn't the same as it had been before the pits. Clarke could snap under the pressure of the azgeda. Under Nia's power and turn on Lexa. Clarke could be the one to end this war in favor of the queen and their entire world would fall into chaos.

 

“ _You do not trust her? Clarke, that is.”_

 

“ _No. Not after what she did to Vane. I have seen the beast that lies just beneath the surface. I have seen it's power. I do not trust Clarke as I trust Lexa but now Lexa is making a mistake. A mistake that may cost her her life.”_

 

“ _Your lack of trust will not change anything now.”_

 

“ _No..”_

 


	42. Chapter 42

Gona move in uneven lines beneath her hiding place. Lines spread out in either direction and she is sure some of them will be marching over the bunker entrance as well. She recognizes ouskejon, azgeda and podakru. Scattered but still united as if their clans had well and truly come to understand one another. As if they were all one clan and it sent shivers down Clarke's spine. The numbers were much more than she expected. It was much more than Polis could handle even. Lexa's idea to take the fight to Nia was their only hope of winning this war and now Ontre was left unprotected.

 

The army below her moved through the night. Moonlight reflecting off of metal sword hilts and scraps of metal sewn into armor. Dawn arrives as the army tampers off. Their footsteps leaving chaos in their wake. Snow smashed underfoot and Clarke finally climbs down from her hiding spot. Glancing over footprints and hoof prints before taking off for the bunker. The entrance covered in foot prints too before she grabs the handle and pulls up. Climbing down and closing the door behind her.

 

“Lexa!” She calls out. Stepping into the light from the candles spread throughout the room. “Lexa?”

 

The room lies trashed with signs of a struggle. Blood on the floor in small droplets. Lexa's bloody dagger half hidden beneath a bed and Clarke kneels. Grabbing the hilt and studying it a moment before she hears a low groan coming from a corner in the room. She scrambles to get up. Following a second sound that comes but she freezes when she finds Niylah slumped against the far wall.

 

“ _Niylah!”_

 

“ _Clarke.”_ Niylah winces as she shifts. _“Azgeda found the door. They came down and caught us off guard.”_

 

“ _Where is Lexa?”_ Clarke asks. Looking over the trader for deep wounds but she finds none. Only new bruises forming across her skin. Her lip split and blood dripping from a cut above her eye. _“Did they take them?! Tell me!”_

 

“ _Yes. Lexa and Bjorn fought but the azgeda were too many. They took them but left me. Said I was useless.”_ Niylah coughed, hand pressed to her ribs and Clarke frowns. _“They said the queen would want to see them. Said she would rejoice in the ending of this war.”_

 

“ _She's going to kill them..”_ Clarke murmurs out and Niylah nods. _“I have to go. I have to get to them.”_

 

“ _Go.”_

 

“ _What about you?”_

 

“ _I'll be fine. I'll climb out and get to the village nearby.”_ Niylah pushes at her. _“Go. Go and find heda. Stop Nia from ending this war in her own favor.”_

 

–

 

They gather in the brush along the road. An eerie silence falling over the hidden army. Octavia takes a deep, silent breath when she hears a horse snort in the distance. The plan was to ambush them from the trees. To take as many out before they were forced to retreat. The village down the road already emptied. The trikru supplies moved out with them. The gona left behind had enough to keep them going until they reached Polis but she wondered just how many of them would manage to survive this attack. Indra beside her cast her eyes towards the sky. Silently sending up a prayer to the gods but she looks down the road quickly.

 

Octavia spots the army the same time she does. The gona crossing the bridge cautiously with weapons drawn. They know they're there. Scouts had spotted them from the riverbank. The closer they move. The more Octavia can make out the clear cut fear on their faces. Weapons quiver in their hands and even the general that leads them seems more fearful than anything else. For a moment she wonders if Indra will signal the attack. The deathly silence so closely around them that she jumps when Indra lets out a war cry.

 

The army moves and so does she. Weapon drawn and charging alongside the trikru. The mix of trishana and louwada kliron reacting slowly to the attack. Many cut down before they begin to strike back. Octavia dodges a sword that sings through the air for her chest. Ducking beneath her attacker's arm to slash the middle of their back before moving on. Grabbing the wrist of another and yanking them to face her before slicing at their neck. She feels as if she's in control of this battle. Energy coursing through her veins and a weightlessness filling her bones.

 

She fights through more and more gona. Trying not to think of the young faces she's seen with wide, fear filled eyes. Half trained seconds unable to defend themselves against her and she is sure that Nia caused this to happen. These seconds don't belong in the field. They belong in training still. Sparring with their warriors but here they are. Their clan forcing them to fight because of Nia's grip on them.

 

“ _Fight or die!”_

 

The shout comes thickly accented and Octavia jerks her head up to find a gona riding a horse. Sword raised in the air and it's not a trikru. The war cry is enough and the trishana seem to change around her. A harshness leaking through as they begin to fight without fear. The trikru around her falling and Octavia whirls to find Indra but her warrior is missing. The only remaining gona around her are fading trikru and fierce trishana. She jerks to avoid an axe swinging for her shoulder. Ducking beneath another sword and the two weapons clash where her body had once been.

 

She moves to retreat when she hears the trikru horn. The sound carrying over clashing weapons as she scrambles to escape. Fewer and fewer trikru around her when she breaks into the tree line. Following another gona that runs ahead of her before he's killed by a thrown axe. Body slumping to the ground and Octavia jumps over him. Stumbling on the uneven ground but remaining upright. The sound of thundering horses and war cries following her. A scream of pain erupts from somewhere nearby but she doesn't look over. The ground beginning to gradually dip beneath her and she spots the river flowing before her. Effectively cutting off her escape.

 

The closer she gets to the river. The louder the horse behind her gets. Loud pants in her ears as she reaches the muddy bank and she kicks off the edge. Pain exploding across her shoulder before she hits the water. The shock of cold water pressing in on her bones as the current steals her off downstream.

 

–

 

The closer she gets to Ontre, the colder everything seems to be. Snow clings to her fur hood. Hands clenched and cold despite the gloves she wears. Snow crunches underfoot until she steps onto a road. Fresh footsteps leading towards the city and Clarke follows. Breaking into a run until she comes across a small group of traders. Only one of them looking over his shoulder at her. Gray eyes curious and he pulls up his horse as she approaches.

 

“ _Who are you?”_ His group comes to a stop when he speaks. Many of them turning in their seats to look at her. _“Well?”_

 

“ _My name is Lar.”_ Clarke lies but the traders still looking at her cautiously. _“I was separated from my group. My horse taken.”_

 

“ _How were you separated? Who took your horse?”_

 

“ _The army.”_ She takes a deep breath and the traders seem to accept her lie. _“Took my wares with them but I think my group managed to evade them. Managed to get to Ontre.”_

 

“ _I see._ ” The man looks over at another. A woman with her head turned ahead down the road. _“What do you think, Grace? Should we help her get back to her people?”_

 

“ _Come along, Lar.”_ The woman named Grace digs her heels into her horse and sets off again. The rest of her group following except for the man that turns to look down at Clarke.

 

“ _Come on, you can ride with me.”_ He holds out his hand to her and Clarke readily accepts. Climbing onto the back of the horse with the man. Sitting back as to avoid getting a face full of his fur lined hood. _“Name is Garet.”_

 

“ _Hi.”_

 

“ _Do not be upset by Grace by the way. She cannot see. Has never been able to see.”_

 

“ _I understand..”_ In all of her time on the ground she had seen no blind people. She assumes they are tossed aside for the weakness but that woman had survived. She was even a trader. A person who needed their eyesight in order to make it but she seemed to have gone on despite it. _“Where is your group headed?”_

 

“ _Ontre. The army stopped us too. Demanded some of our food. We only managed to get past them because we gave it up.”_ Garet tenses in front of her. _“One of them threatened Grace if we did not give them anything. Said she was not meant to live anyway. That killing her would save our group the trouble.”_

 

“ _You are not azgeda then?”_

 

“ _No. Only one of us is azgeda.”_ He points to a large man riding a war horse ahead of them. _“Rise is azgeda but the rest of us are from separate clans. I come from the ingranrona. Grace comes from the trishana. Wur is ouskejon.”_ Garet half turns in his seat to look back at her. _“And you?”_

 

“ _Trikru.”_

 

“ _You are brave to ride for Ontre.”_ Garet muses aloud and Clarke shakes her head.

 

“ _I am just a trader. I remain neutral in this war.”_

 

“ _Many of us have tried to remain neutral but one way or another we have joined a side.”_

 

“ _What is your side then?”_

 

“ _Queen Nia.”_ Garet admits quickly and Clarke fights the urge to slide off his horse and disappear into the woods. _“I would not want to be on the losing side. I do what I must to protect my family.. the ones who survived anyway.”_

 

“ _War takes many lives.”_

 

Garet nods, _“it does..”_

 

“ _What happened?”_

 

“ _They were killed in their beds. Burned alive by wild fire.”_

 

“ _I see..”_

 

–

 

“ _Is the heir alive?”_ It's the first thing Nia asks the moment Lexa is shoved to her knees before a stone throne. Hard edges and no doubt cold. Cut with precision with tools Lexa is sure that only the azgeda are trained to use. Compared to other thrones she has seen. This one is rather plain. Even the throne room itself is plain, ice and stone making the walls. _“SPEAK WHEN YOU ARE SPOKEN TO!”_

 

Lexa stares at her. Taking in the bags under her eyes and the tired shine to her icy gaze. Hair still just as lank as the last time Lexa had seen her but the tole the war has taken on her is evident. Body thinner and her bony fingers clutch at the arms of her throne. She is an icy beast that dwells in her icy domain and Lexa knows she is in danger here but she is at least glad that Clarke hadn't been there when they came.

 

“ _Polis.”_

 

“ _And my son?”_

 

“ _Dead.”_

 

Nia falls silent. Grip relaxing on the arms of her throne but she doesn't slump back into her seat. She remains rigid and cold. As if she was nothing but a piece of ice herself. _“I should kill you... but what fun it would be if you were alive while your people were slaughtered in the streets. What fun it would be for you to live out the rest of your days in my prison. What fun it would be to capture wanheda and slaughter her before your very eyes.”_

 

“ _Spare her. I am the one you want.”_

 

“ _Sounds a little like what the messenger told me after I captured that other girl.. oh what was her name..”_ She hums to herself and Lexa steels herself over. She knows this game. She's trying to break her but it won't work. _“Costia. That's what it was. Costia. A fiery little thing I must admit. What a mistake it was to keep her as long as I did though.. Her suffering brought about Ontari's compassion for lesser beings.”_

 

Nia stands when no one replies to her. Ontari on Lexa's right remaining silent. Eyes cast to the floor as if she no longer has the power to even look at her mother. The wound in her leg still bleeding despite the hasty binding. Lexa's own wound still bled. A slash across her stomach that wasn't deep enough to kill her but enough to weaken her. The gona she'd stabbed in the chest remaining alive somewhere behind her. The only one of them besides Clarke making it out unscathed had been Bjorn but that had been entirely by chance.

 

“ _Now.. where is wanheda?”_

 

Lexa remains silent. Ontari and Bjorn mirroring her. She will not give up on Clarke because if she knows anything about her then she knows that Clarke is coming. With the army gone and the city left relatively undefended she could make it. She could get in and find them then together they could end this war once and for all.

 

–

 

Ontre has changed little since her first journey to the city. It still stands with as much strength as it did before. The land beyond it's walls still clear and void of anything. The doors open once Garet has explained that they are traders. The guards not giving Clarke a second glance when she rides in on the back of Garet's horse.

 

“ _You will go and find your group now, Lar?”_

 

“ _Sha, thank you for the help.”_

 

“ _Anything to help a fellow trader.”_

 

She slides off but waits for him and his group to head off down one of the main streets of Ontre. If she knows Nia then she knows that Lexa and the others could be either in her throne room or in the prison. She silently hopes they are in the prison. Hopes she wasn't too late but as she makes her way to the Nia's throne room she's grabbed. A masked figure dragging her into the shadows of an icy alleyway. The stranger managing to keep a firm grip on her arm despite her struggling to escape.

 

“ _Stop!”_ The voice whispers harshly but Clarke keeps fighting him. Managing to knee him in the stomach but he keeps a hold on her as he grunts in pain. _“Stop! I am on your side!”_

 

“ _You wear her masks! You are not on my side!”_ She spits back and he yanks off his mask. Tossing it to the ground roughly. Revealing a man she has never seen before. Scar running along his jaw. Half hidden by his thick blonde beard. Dark blue eyes intense and Clarke pauses. _“Who are you?”_

 

“ _Bones kom floukru. Luna sent me to spy on Nia a very long time ago.”_

 

“ _How did you know who I was?”_

 

“ _Anyone who looks like they are up to no good is usually up to no good.”_ He releases her and grabs his mask again. _“Who are you exactly?”_

 

“ _Clarke.”_

 

“ _Wanheda.”_ He frowns, _“you are not supposed to be here.”_

 

“ _Heda Lexa is here. She was captured.”_

 

“ _I am aware.”_

 

“ _Then you know that I have to be here.”_

 

“ _You are going to get yourself captured is all you are going to do. The way you run through this city is suspicious. The look in your eye is suspicious. If any of Nia's personal guards were to see you they would recognize you.”_

 

“ _Then what do you suppose I do? Run away? Betray Lexa? Betray all of the clans that follow her? Polis is about to be attacked again Bones and this time it will not stand. Polis will fall to Nia again. The people inside will die. The war will be over with Lexa still breathing and that will destroy her.”_

 

“ _The war will keep going so as long as you are beyond Ontre's walls. That is why you must leave. You must be the one to survive. The one who cheats death and lives beside it is the one who should be leading this bloody war.”_

 

Clarke stares at him in confusion. How he could think that is beyond her. He has to know that Lexa is the only one who could lead this war. She could never do it. Would never do it even. Just as she will never abandon Lexa in this city to die. She will not make the same choice that Lexa made at the mountain. She will find a way. With or without Bones she will do it.

 

“ _I am staying and I am finding Lexa. I am freeing her. I am killing Nia and if you were to join me or not I will still do it. I will not abandon her or the people who fight for her cause. Her war is my war as it everyone's war. As it should be your war but if you are not willing to join me then I will kill you where you stand and that is no threat but a promise I intend to keep.”_

 

“ _You are a foolish one..”_ He murmurs defeated. Pulling his mask back on. _“Meet me when the moon is at it's highest point near the northern city gates. It will be the least watched and the least guarded. Do not be late.”_

 

“ _So you are going to help me?”_

 

“ _Help you or not I shall die someday soon.”_ He takes off after that. Heading out of the alleyway and back into the street but Clarke remains a moment. She wants to find Lexa now. She needs to find her now but doing so may result in her death and that is something she can't do right now.

 

–

 

She wakes to the sun's glare in her eyes. The quiet flow of the river beside her and water laps at her side. Her body managing to wash up on the river's edge but when she moves she freezes in pain that throbs at her shoulders. Gritting her teeth to hold in a shout and digging her fingers into the wet dirt beside herself. She remembers nothing beyond hitting the water when the trikru had been retreating. No idea what had happened afterward. If Indra was even alive she doesn't know but if she were then she'd tell her to get up. To drag herself out of the river and stand.

 

She still has a duty to return to Polis regardless of where she finds herself.

 

The skin across her shoulder feels as though it's tearing when she flips over onto her stomach. Hauling herself up and out of the brown water until she comes to a stop beneath the shade of a young tree. Cheek pressed into the damp soil but she looks up sharply when she hears a twig snap in the woods before her. Hands roaming to try and find a weapon but there are none she quickly realizes. Either washed away in the river or something else.

 

“ _You have no weapons.”_ A voice comes clear as day and Octavia freezes. Lowering her head slowly until her chin rests in the soil. _“I found you before dawn. Stripped you of your weapons and pulled you up so you would not drown.”_

 

“ _So I should be thanking you?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_ The voice growls above her. A hand suddenly twisting in her soaked braids and pulling her head back roughly. Forcing a grunt of pain from her throat at the quick, rough movement. _“You survived the battle. Who are you?”_

 

“ _Just a second who had a stroke of luck.”_

 

“ _Liar.”_ A hand wraps around her throat and squeezes lightly. _“Tell me the truth or I kill you on this shore.”_

 

Octavia swallows against the hand and feels it tighten against her skin. Hiding her identity will get her nothing. She can't lie and say she is apart of their clan because she has no idea whose land she's washed up on. She can only hope for the best and tell the truth. She will die regardless if she doesn't get help anyway.

 

“ _Octavia kom skaikru.”_

 

“ _A sky girl..”_ The voice murmurs and the hand around her throat loosens. _“Ram may want to see you.”_

 

“ _Ram?”_

 

The person chuckles softly, _“you are a long way from your kind sky girl. You walk among the yujleda now.”_

 

Shit.

 

–

 

The moon rises and Clarke waits. Tucking herself into quiet part of the city. Away from the harsh winds that manage to blow into the city despite it's high walls. Many of the city's people already turned in for the night. Trader's hidden away in warm inns but Clarke remains outside in the cold. The temperature dropping quickly and she burrows into her thick coat deeper. Eyes set on the nearly hidden moon above her until it reaches it's highest point.

 

The air around her even colder once she's slipped her arms back into the sleeves of her coat. Breath escaping her lips in puffs of nearly pure white as she heads for the northern gate. The ground dusted over in a fine layer of fresh snow and the wind howls almost eerily in the dead silence of Ontre. She stops when arrives. Taking in the figure that stands near a stone wall at the nearly iced over gate. Face unmasked when he looks over at her and she frowns. It's just Bones.

 

“ _You are late.”_ He murmurs once he's close enough to be heard before he holds out a stolen sword. A guard's sword she recognizes when she takes it from him. _“Come.”_

 

He leads her through empty streets to Nia's throne room. The doors closed and dark as night when they slip in. Void of guards and the icy ground beneath her boots seems to soak in through the soles. Sending shivers up her spine that click through her teeth before she grits them in concentration. She isn't sure how he manages to find his way to the staircase leading down to the cells in the darkness but she nearly runs into his back when he stops.

 

“ _I can go no further.”_

 

“ _Why?” Then after a heartbeat. “Is this some kind of trap?”_

 

“ _No. If I am gone too long then the others will notice something is amiss.”_

 

“ _Sounds like a lie to me.”_

 

“ _Maybe it is. Maybe it is not. You have no choice but to trust me wanheda.”_ Bones whispers out into the cold of the room. _“Now go. Heda Lexa and the rest of your group is down there but.. there is something else.”_

 

“ _What?”_

 

“ _At dawn the queen will hold an execution for Bjorn and Ontari. You must remain hidden when the guards come for them. They will take Lexa too. The queen has decided that she must watch them die.”_

 

“ _They will not die.._ ” Clarke murmurs. Hand tightening around the handle of her sword. _“I will make sure of it.”_

 

“ _The dawn shall bleed.”_

 

“ _And it will not be of my own blood but the blood of my enemies.”_

 

“ _Poetic.”_

 

“ _Just go.”_

 

“ _Sha. May the gods favor you, wanheda.”_

 

She waits until his footsteps fade before beginning the descent into the prison. Everything thrown into darkness as she feels along the wall until her hand bumps into something. The object long, wooden and Clarke quickly realizes it's a torch. She grabs it off the wall and continues down until she steps into what she assumes is a room. Her footstep echoing and a body shifts in the room. Chains rattling and Clarke freezes. Gripping the unlit torch in her hand before she makes a split second decision in lighting the torch.

 

Light fills the room. Casting shadows across cells and bodies that lay on the floor. “Lexa?”

 

“Clarke?”

 

“Lexa!” She rushes to the cell that holds the commander. Torch dropped to the ground and hands thrust between the bars. Reaching out and cradling Lexa's head when she's crawled towards her. “You're alive..”

 

“Of course I am.” Lexa's hand rest over hers. Straining to do so by the metal bracers that encase her wrists. “You came for us. I knew you would.”

 

“I will not leave you behind. I will leave none of you behind.” She glances over at Bjorn where he rests against a wall. The cell next to his holding Ontari but she remains on her side facing away from them. “Are you okay? Are any of you hurt?”

 

“Ontari and I were injured in the fight with the azgeda. One stabbed her through the leg with a dagger. I was slashed across my stomach.” Lexa draws back and Clarke focuses her gaze on the dark red stain that covers her stomach. “I am not bleeding anymore.”

 

“I still need to-”

 

“No. You need to check on Ontari. She still bled when they brought us here.” Lexa squeezes her hands warmly before releasing. “Hurry. Before the changing of the guards is complete.”

 

So that was how Bones was able to get her here. “Right.”

 

She moves quickly. Grabbing the torch and tearing herself away from Lexa to kneel before Ontari's cell. The door locked when she tries it and Ontari remains completely still. Blood staining the floor where she lays and Clarke's heart sinks. She's slowly bleeding out. The dagger possibly nicking the artery in her leg but nothing more.

 

“Ontari!” She calls out but her friend doesn't stir. “Ontari! Wake up!”

 

“She hasn't moved for a while now.” Bjorn murmurs from his cell and Clarke looks over at him. The patch over his eye missing and the light of her torch plays across the scar over his eye. Telling her just exactly what kind of wound he had suffered from so long ago and she frowns. “I think she's dead.”

 

“Azgeda don't die that easily Bjorn. You know this.” Lexa adds but Clarke focuses on Ontari's shape. Hoping for some kind of movement. For some light rise and fall of her chest but from here she can't make it out.

 

“Bjorn. See if she is breathing. She is close enough to you to do that.”

 

Bjorn nods and moves slowly. Chains scraping the floor before he makes it to the edge of his cell. Hands reaching through the bars to grasp at the back of Ontari's worn shirt. Pulling her closer to himself and resting a hand on her chest before he nods slowly.

 

“She is but slowly.”

 

“Shit..” Clarke needs to get a hold of her. She needs to see an actual healer as well but she can do nothing with a locked door between them. “I-” She cuts herself off when she hears the sound of a door echoing up the stairwell. “Fuck.” She whispers to herself.

 

“There!” Lexa points to a door near the stairwell and Clarke runs for it. Putting out her torch and slipping in. Cracking the door wide enough to witness a guard descending the steps with his own lit torch.

 

“ _No talking.”_ He grumbles and Lexa spits at him in defiance but settles down to lean against the back wall of her cell to await dawn.

 

–

 

The boat she lies in flows with the river. Her captor at the end with a pole to guide them along and it's the first time Octavia can study the person. She's young and if Octavia knew anything about the grounders then she knew that this girl was a second. Not much older than herself judging by the unmarred arms that seem to absorb the heat of the sun. Her skin an almost reddish brown and brown eyes set to study the trees on her left. Hair nearly black and pulled back into a single braid down her back.

 

“ _What is your name?”_

 

“ _Be quiet.”_

 

“ _You know my name.. so what is yours?”_ She asks again and the second sighs.

 

“ _If it will get you to shut up.. my name is Seven.”_

 

“ _Interesting name..”_

 

“ _Shut up.”_ Seven grumbles. Guiding the boat around a bend in the river.

 

“ _So who won the battle?”_

 

“ _Did you not hear me the first time sky girl? I said shut up!”_

 

“ _I need to know who won.”_

 

“ _I do not care!”_

 

“ _Where are you taking me?”_

 

“ _Silence!_ ” The girl shouts again and Octavia falls quiet. Pissing the second off won't get her anywhere except maybe on the end of the girl's sword that lays across the second's back. So she resides herself to take in the lazy float down the river. Nothing in particular catching her eye but she looks up when Seven stands. Using her staff to guide them through the river as it slowly turns into a swamp. Dragonflies zipping by across the surface as Seven gets them through. The wood hull of the boat pushing them through dark green algae and pushing aside lily pads. A toad croaking loud enough to make her stare at it's size until they pass it.

 

She pushes them along until the swamp opens back up into a river that slowly widens over time. More and more boats filling the river as a city appears in the distance. Many buildings still standing tall but one towers over them all. The peaks rising high and glittering in the sunlight.

 

“ _This is Savannah.”_ Seven tells her as she guides them to the shore. The hull bumping against the stone docks before a dock worker grabs the lip to keep them close. Seven drops her staff into the boat before grabbing Octavia. _“Come. It is time to meet Ram.”_

 

She lets herself get pulled up. Trying her best to ignore the pain in her shoulder as she steps up onto the dock. The smell of swamp and fish assaulting her nose but then something sharper hits her. Something that makes her mouth water and stomach grumble with need for food. The food stalls they pass filled with fish and other foods that smell good enough to take her soul. The heat of the sun glaring across her exposed skin but she doesn't quite mind it. The smell of this city makes everything okay until suddenly it isn't. The building they stop at the tallest and Octavia sighs.

 

The inside of the building is even hotter. The floor beneath her feet well worn and cracked as lines of benches fill the floor. The stone path leads to a dual throne made of white stone and shimmering slivers of gold. Void of bodies for now and Octavia looks up at the ornate ceilings and walls. Images painted onto the walls that remain chipped and faded. Glass depicting images of people that still shine brilliantly.

 

Seven pushes her to her knees once they reach the front. _“Bring me Ram and Mae.”_ She orders the guards and they move in a hurry to obey. _“Now you will meet father and mother.”_

 

“ _And die?”_

 

“ _Depends on their decisions.”_ Seven stands up a little straighter when two people enter the large room. The man tall and strong. Face that of a bull and skin the same shade of Seven's. Long brunette hair without a single braid but tucked behind his ears and brown eyes lit with a harsh glare. The woman beside him is different. Angelic almost in the face and brown eyes soft. Her hair a red that seemed almost unnatural. Tall and lanky but she moved with an almost regal grace. _“Nontu, nomon, I bring you Octavia kom skaikru.”_

 

–

 

Dawn arrives with guards walking into the prison with faces hidden by the masks of Nia's royal guard. Hands roughly grabbing Lexa and pulling her out first before Bjorn is grabbed then Ontari. A man having to hoist her up into his arms to carry her out as she is too weak to move on her own and it flares anger in Lexa's soul as they are marched up into the throne. A room filled with Ontre citizens that look at her in awe and surprise when she's forced to kneel beside Nia.

 

Bjorn and Ontari deposited on the ground in front of the queen who studies them with a hunger in her icy gaze.

 

“ _We are gathered today to announce the end of this war.”_ Nia begins. Rising from her throne and crossing her hands before herself almost innocently. _“With Lexa's capture I will put an end to the bloodshed. With Polis' capture I will put an end to the trikru and we will all be free to live as we should. Free of the coalition and free of Lexa's frivolous ideas.”_ She turns to Lexa then with a frown. _“How you could ever think that we could ever be a peaceful people is beyond me. We were born from the flames of destruction at the end of the last great war. We were born to remain separate. We were born to fight one another with no end in sight. We were born for war. It was born in our blood from the moment we rose from the ashes.”_

 

“ _We are meant for more, Nia.”_

 

“ _Silence!”_ Nia shouts. Silence passing before she takes a breath. _“You are a threat to our way of life. You call for weakness when I call for strength. When will you understand that? When will you see what peace has done to our people. When we will you see the starving children in the streets because there is not enough food for them? When. When?!”_

 

“ _No child starves.”_ Lexa speaks loud enough to be heard by the people. She has heard of the starving clans and done what she could to help them. Meetings that took hours just to find a solution. Calling for the leaders still in her coalition to agree that all traders, enemy or not, will continue trade. Starving was what had brought the sangadekru to her. It was what brought an ally to her when she helped them through their troubles. _“No child of my coalition starves. Children of your allies starve but not of mine.”_

 

“ _The sangedakru-”_

 

“ _They thrive.”_ Lexa spits at her harshly before a guard grabs her by the back of her head harshly, forcing her to look up at Nia. _“The sangedakru no longer starve. They have been taught to better fish their rivers and will continue to receive my help until they no longer need it. I have seen to my people but have you seen to yours?”_

 

“ _I should kill you now.”_ Nia whispers as she approaches her. Fingers grabbing at her jaw tightly. _“I should kill you before my people and parade your corpse through my city before tossing it over the side of it so your spirit can find no other!”_

 

“ _Let her go!”_ A new voice shouts and Lexa's eyes find Clarke where she stands at the mouth of the stairwell to the prison. Sword raised and a fire lit in blue eyes that read nothing of Clarke but of the beast that Nia created.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aside from the main plot there are some things that have nothing to do with the plot but more to do with me wanting to do a little bit of exploring beyond Polis and the clans that I have explored so far. Everything with Octavia is that but also because I really wanted to end on a cliffhanger with this chapter because who doesn't like cliffhangers.


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pre-warning for Clarke vs Lexa. Just in case that isn't your cup of tea.

“Let her go!”

 

Her blood boils at Nia's hands on Lexa. Her blood roaring in her ears and everything becomes a blur as Nia orders her guards to capture her. The guards rush her with weapons raised but she isn't going to let them grab her. One reaches her first and she slashes out. Her anger fueling the strength behind her swing and she ignores the fact that something else entirely has taken over her conscious mind. Her body moving on it's own accord. Cutting down guards left and right. Severing the hand from it's wrist and a blood curdling scream filling the space around her before she drives her sword through a throat. Cutting off the sound before moving on.

 

More screams erupt around her and people rise to flee but she's focused. Too focused on the gona that run at her to pay attention to the citizens who rush to escape the throne room. Tripping over one another as Clarke cuts through another gona. Body left bleeding profusely from the place where an ear had once been. A fatal wound left across the stomach and she moves on. Vaguely aware that Nia is being moved. That Lexa is being moved too but Bjorn and Ontari left on the ground as more guards rush in to try and stop her but failing.

 

She fights and she fights until her hands run slick with blood. Hair stained a bloody red despite the berries and blood splattered across her face. The last guard barely breathing when she leans over his body. Tearing his mask away and he looks at her through dark blue eyes that accept his death.

 

“ _Where is she?! Where did they take her!?”_ She yells, unsure herself who 'she' even is but the man coughs up a mouth full of blood before he points weakly to a side door left half open. She looks up to find the door in question before a hand grips at her coat collar. The dying man looking her in the eye.

 

“ _You truly do control death. Only a monster could do something like this. Only a monster could slaughter men like those.”_

 

“ _I am only what Nia created.”_

 

The darkness in her own voice sends a shiver down her spine before she stabs him through the heart with her sword. Dropping his body to lie on the stone beneath him before stepping over him. Ignoring Bjorn where he stares at her with nothing but fear. Ontari's brown eyes half open and recognition lingering for the beast that Nia's actions had unleashed but Clarke is moving for the door. Shouldering it aside and following the shadowy hallway until it opens up into another room. The feeling of a home taking over but Clarke ignores it. Searching for any sign of where her prey lingers before taking off once more.

 

The next hallway is a shorter one. Ending in a staircase that spirals up as she follows and in the distance she hears the slamming of a door. A voice shouting and she breaks into a charge up the stairs before stepping into another hallway. Double doors at the end of the room guarded by two guards with faces still masked. The guards throwing themselves at her once she's close enough but she ducks beneath their weapons. Grabbing one and throwing them onto the others sword before she kills the one still breathing in panicked breaths.

 

She breathes out as she stands before the double doors. Pushing at it lightly to test it and finding it locked before she rams her foot against the wood. Ignoring the explosion of pain in her foot when the door is thrown open wide. Light from the open windows at the end of the room casting shadows over the four people that remain inside.

 

“ _KILL HER!”_ Nia shouts and the guards move hesitantly towards her. Weapons drawn and fear evident as their masks were gone. One moves first, swinging his sword for her but she blocks. The second charging up but she ducks. Dislodging her sword and kicking in a knee that she isn't sure belongs to who. Her sword sinks into the leg of another and a scream of pain erupts from his throat as he falls. The sword lost as Clarke grabs the hand of her next attacker. Driving her fist into his face and taking his sword before stabbing him through the stomach.

 

His body falls with a thud. Blood spilling out across the snowy white fur rug beneath him and Clarke withdraws her sword from his body. Drawing the other sword from the second gona who clutches at his leg in pain but she leaves him as movement catches her eye.

 

Nia holds onto Lexa tightly. Hand wrapped around her throat and slowly backing up towards the open window behind them but Clarke moves to approach them. She isn't finished yet. There are still people alive. It will never be over until no one is left. Her mind cries out for more. Cries out for her to finish this but for a moment she pauses. Catching a gleam of fear written so plainly in green eyes that it hurts. Fear that is only because of her and not because of Nia.

 

“ _Your war is over.”_ Nia begins, hand tightening around Lexa's throat. _“It is over. So lay down your weapons and walk away.”_

 

“ _No.”_ Clarke murmurs. Moving in closer and Nia backs away sharply. Lexa letting out a grunt from the movement and Clarke trains her gaze on her. Blinking slowly at her before looking into Nia's panicked gaze. True fear written there and Clarke's fingers tighten around sword handles. _“It is not over until you are dead.”_

 

“ _It is over! As your queen I say it is over!”_

 

“ _It is not over until everyone is dead. That is how I survive. That is how I have always survived. That is how this will end. There is no other way.”_

 

There is a split second of a decision that glimmers in Nia's gaze before her grip relaxes on Lexa and she shoves her forward at Clarke. The commander stumbling but remaining upright as she takes in Clarke and her bloody weapons. Her gaze steeling over as she straightens up.

 

“ _Your survival depends on her survival. If she lives then you die. You lose. If she dies then you survive and you win.”_ Nia explains and Clarke drops a sword to grab Lexa. Spinning her to press her body against Clarke's. Raising the sword she still holds to her neck.

 

“ _I understand.. but first..”_

 

Clarke tosses Lexa to the ground. Charging Nia and stabbing her sword through her gut. Sinking the blade in until the fabric of her dress meets the hilt. The light drains from Nia's gaze. Wide eyed and filled with disbelief. As if Clarke or the pit fighter wouldn't take this chance to kill the person that created the monster inside but killing her won't kill the monster. Clarke twists the blade harshly. The warmth of Nia's blood pouring out over her hand before she releases the hilt. Pushing back on her body until it begins to fall through the window behind her.

 

“And now there is you.” Clarke murmurs turning back to face Lexa.

 

–

 

Polis rushes around him but he remains calm. The heat of the sun bearing down on his head as he stands at the wall. His generals ordering gona in his stead but he looks up when the woman he learned to be Lagetha stepped up next to him. Former general in Nia's army. Nomon to Bjorn and currently in command of Polis. A true sight to behold. Hardened through battles and life itself but he wonders where Indra is. He expected her to command Polis. Not a rebel leader.

 

“ _Where is Indra?”_ He asks suddenly and Lagetha looks over at him. Training her icy gaze on his face before she sighs.

 

“ _Defending the southern borders but.. I have received words that there was a battle. The trikru were beaten back and they retreat to Polis now. Indra rides with them. Injured but alive. The numbers dead or missing high. It will be a task when they return and I only hope that they return before the azgeda army arrives.”_

 

Hollow nods in agreement. So far none of the scouts to the north had reported anything. There was no word on heda Lexa either and no matter how foolish her plan was he still had faith in her. He had to have faith in her.

 

–

 

Agnes draws up her horse in the shade of a large tree. The trunk marred with scars from many executions. Some arrowheads still stuck to the wood and the tree had grown around them. It was a dark reminder of the things she and the delfikru had done. They had always worked together on such things, until now at least. Agnes had sent word to Night when she and Ingrid made the decision to join heda Lexa's alliance but he had replied with nothing more than neutrality. Now she called on him again and he had agreed to meet with her. It was a good enough start but it may not be enough.

 

She lets out a breath. Brushing a leaf from her thigh that fell from the tree but she looks up sharply when an arrow pierces the leaf mid air. Pinning it to the ground. The shooter in question slipping from the tree above her quietly. Dirty blonde hair windswept and brown eyes guarded. Agnes knows that he isn't alone. His unioned hiding somewhere nearby with their horses but giving them privacy to talk.

 

“ _Ranger.”_

 

“ _Agnes.”_ He pulls his arrow from the ground and slips it back into the quiver at his back. _“You are here to talk to me about the war again.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _You know how I feel about it. You know for yourself how pointless it is. How much pointless blood has been shed. My own people have died to it despite where I have placed my clan.”_

 

“ _How?”_ News of his people dying was new.

 

“ _Hunters in the northern camps report azgeda gona attacking them. Fishermen on the lakes report azgeda gona firing flaming arrows into their hulls. Nia has not agreed to my neutrality. It is only a matter of time before she brings armies down on my people.”_

 

His voice remains even, calm and controlled but Agnes knows he's furious. He has always been able to remain calm despite the storm inside of him. Even since they were goufa he has remained the same. _“Will you join heda Lexa?”_

 

“ _You and I both know that every decision I make must be discussed between Night and I. I will not change that now.”_ He looks back towards the woods behind him and Agnes looks out to where he looks. Finding absolutely nothing but trees. _“He is coming.”_

 

“ _In what-”_

 

“ _Behave.”_

 

“ _You are no fun at all.”_

 

Night appears suddenly and Agnes smiles. Her old friend had changed little since she last saw him. His ink black hair just as long but pulled back into a knot at the back of his head. Dark green eyes lit with familiarity as he took her in. The man only releasing the horses he leads once he is near the tree and his lover.

 

“ _Both my loves in the same place. Only a miracle that the gods could give me.”_

 

“ _I believe you love Ranger more than you love me, Night.”_ He always had. The two men before her had always loved each other but it had taken a long time for either of them to admit it. The two always believing the other never felt the same until Ranger finally gathered the courage to say something.

 

“ _I will not lie, I do.”_

 

“ _And my heart is broken.”_ She slides off her horse. Pulling him into a hug. Holding onto him a little tighter because she knows that Ranger would never accept a hug from her. He would tense up, frown and glare at her afterward. _“Enough of this old friend, we have business to attend to.”_

 

“ _A war to attend to you mean.”_ Night corrects and Agnes nods.

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

–

 

Octavia quickly figures out that Ram is the kinder of the two. Mae is more like the she-devil disguised as an angel. She is quick to order her execution when Seven tells her that she fights for heda Lexa. The guards already moving before Ram stops them. Asking Mae to calm down before doing something rash and Mae only retreats to their shared throne.

 

“ _This war has her on edge. It has all of us on edge. Excuse her.”_ Ram explains to her quietly. Brown eyes scanning over her as he circles her but he pauses at her back. _“You are hurt. What happened?”_

 

“ _The battle. I-”_

 

“ _Kill her now, Ram. She is already on her way out.”_ Mae snaps to cut her off.

 

“ _No.”_ He rounds to her front again before sending off a guard to find a healer for her. _“She is our prisoner but that does not mean that we must treat her as if she were trash. We are better than that.”_

 

“ _Yet you joined the war in alliance with Nia..”_ Octavia mutters.

 

“ _Lexa's ideas are uncommon. They are not right. We are not a peaceful people. We were born in war and we will die in war. It is our way.”_

 

“ _So all you do is survive? Sounds like a shit way to live a life.”_

 

“ _It is our way.”_

 

“ _It should be about more than just surviving.”_ Octavia looks up to study the walls behind Ram before meeting his gaze again. _“The people before us.. they lived through war after war after war until the last great war. The last great war that destroyed them and the way we live now only calls for the same ending. How many times must we repeat history before we learn from it?”_

 

“ _You ask questions that I have no answers to sky girl.”_

 

“ _Seems no one does.”_

 

–

 

Lexa remains kneeling under Clarke's gaze. Blue eyes dulled and hand dripping blood onto the fur beneath her. She feels the fear that builds in her chest but she steels herself over as Clarke approaches her. She doesn't jump when Clarke wraps her bloody hand around her throat. Forcing her to stand and look her in the eye.

 

“Commander Lexa.” Clarke murmurs. Fingers tightening around her throat before she pulls back. “Pick up a sword.”

 

“No.” She already knows what she wants. That she wants to properly kill her. That she won't kill her like she had killed Nia. She will offer her the chance but it is an offer that Lexa will refuse. She will not fight Clarke like this. Not while she isn't even in control of herself. Not while she isn't herself.

 

“Pick. It. Up.” Clarke spits out each word as she walks to kick over a sword dropped by a guard. The blade sliding across the wood floor before it knocks against Lexa's boot. “NOW!”

 

“No.”

 

Tension builds as she watches Clarke draw in deep breathes as if she's fighting herself and her next move. The blonde's hands tightening into fists over and over before she bends to grab a sword for herself. The monster Nia created closing the distance between them until she swings her sword out before herself. Tip pointing for Lexa's heart.

 

“Pick it up or die like a coward.”

 

“I will not fight you, Clarke.”

 

“Then you will die.”

 

Clarke lunges but Lexa knocks the blade away as she sidesteps. Determination not to hurt her filling her but the more she dodges Clarke and her sword, the more she realizes she may not be able to avoid it. Clarke is determined to hurt her and Lexa grabs her wrist. Driving her fist into Clarke's nose but it's not enough to break. Just enough to force her grip to loosen on the sword to Lexa can take it and toss it out of the window nearby.

 

“Coward!” Clarke shouts. Charging for her but Lexa avoids her. Sadness filling her when Clarke collides with a table near the foot of Nia's fur covered bed. The blonde grunting but whirling to face her again. “Fight me! Now!”

 

“No.”

 

“Fight me.” Clarke speaks quieter and she charges again. This time colliding with Lexa and she fights to get a good grip on her but Lexa keeps her from her goal. Grabbing a wrist and pinning it to Clarke's hip before she pins her other hand to Lexa's side. “Let me go!”

 

“No.” Lexa grunts. Fighting Clarke's struggles to escape before she kicks her legs out from beneath her. Falling with the blonde to pin her to the floor. “You don't want this Clarke.”

 

“I want this.” Clarke growls. Still struggling beneath her. “This is your fault. All of this! All of this is because of you! You abandoned me at the mountain! You left me to die! You forced me into Nia's hands and I will kill you for what you've done to me!”

 

“I did none of this to you.” Lexa straddles her firmly. Pinning arms to Clarke's sides with her knees and gripping a hand in Clarke's hair so she doesn't throw her head back against the floor. “You know why I did what I did at the mountain. You understood the need to put my people first. You would have done the same. You would have done it a hundred times over if it meant their safety.”

 

“Let me go!”

 

“No. Not until you calm down. Not until you come to your senses because this isn't you Clarke. This.. beast.. isn't you.”

 

“This is what you created!”

 

“This is what Nia created.” Lexa corrects and Clarke scowls at her. “She forced you to become this. She created a monster but you are more than what she created Clarke. You are still you, still the person that I..” she swallows down the words and Clarke takes it as an opportunity. Wriggling a hand free and grabbing Lexa by the back of her neck to headbutt her harshly. Rolling them through Lexa's sudden daze until she's pinned to the ground.

 

“Nia may have created a monster but it's not the monster that wants to kill you.” Clarke's hand wraps around her throat and squeezes. “It's not the monster that has hated you since the mountain. It's not the monster that's seen your face in every person I've killed inside Otta and beyond it. It's not the monster that is going to kill you now.”

 

“Clarke!” Lexa shouts before the hand tightens. Cutting off her air supply and a short moment of panic sparks in her chest as she grips at Clarke's wrist. Tugging on her to release her and for a moment Clarke's grip seems to draw back. Air slipping in and Lexa gasps. Blinking away the tears that spring up as the determination in Clarke's gaze grows. “Don't do this Clarke.” She chokes out.

 

“Shut up and die.”

 

Lexa squeezes her eyes shut. Sending up a silent prayer to the gods before it's cut short by Clarke's hand regaining it's strength around her throat. A grunt escaping Clarke and Lexa opens her eyes to look at her again. Finding a flickering look of an internal struggle. The look quickly washed away when Clarke turns her head to search out a weapon. Her gaze stopping on a knife half hidden beneath the table nearby and Clarke lunges for it. Releasing Lexa long enough for her to catch her breath and cough harshly.

 

“No more waiting!” Clarke shouts once she has the knife. Gripping it tightly and bringing it down to plunge it into Lexa's chest but she grabs her hands. Stopping the knife inches above her heart. “Let go! Accept your fate!”

 

“No.”

 

“Coward!”

 

“This isn't my fate!”

 

“Death is our fate and it will always be our fate. No matter where we go or what we do. Death is the only ending we will find and death is the ending that you will find now.” Clarke adds more force to her hands but Lexa holds firm. “Let it happen!”

 

“Never!”

 

“Why do you fight this? Why do you fight your inevitable fate?!” Clarke shouts. “What is there left to live for?! The war is over! Nia is dead! The world will keep spinning with or without you!”

 

“Because I love you!” Lexa shouts back at her and that seems to makes her freeze. “And you love me too. You wouldn't be able to live this life without me. You wouldn't be able to live this life knowing what you did. Knowing that you killed me will eat at you until you take your own life and I don't want that. Dead or alive I would never want that. I wouldn't be able to live this life without you either. I love you, Clarke of the sky people and I will love you until my final breath. I will love you in the next life to come and for a thousand more. We are meant to live these lives together and no god has to tell me that for me to be certain of it.” She pulls Clarke's knife down until it rests against her chest. “Kill me if you want to but I will see you again and I will forgive you.”

 

It takes a moment. The length of a single heartbeat for Clarke's grip to loosen around the knife until it falls from her hands. Sliding off of Lexa's chest to the floor and Clarke's body to lay over hers. Hands twisting in her shirt and face pressed into the slowly bruising skin of her neck. A shaky breath escaping against her skin before the first sob and she wraps her arms around her back soothingly.

 

“Lexa.. I-”

 

“It's okay.” Lexa cuts her off. Drawing slow circles across her back to soothe her. Not minding the tears the soak into her skin or the weight on her body. The pain in her chest builds until a tear slips out. The pain of the idea that Clarke had been so ready to kill her fresh in her mind. “It's okay.” She repeats, not only to Clarke but to herself and she wonders if it's the truth or not. If they'll really be okay after this is all over.

 

–

 

A scout comes at midday. Shouting at the top of his lungs that an army comes for them and the city explodes into action once more but Hollow remains in his seat in the shade of a building beside him. The piece of wood in his hand slowing transforming into a figure. A figure of his heda alive and well growing but he stops when someone sits opposite him at the table. The ever annoyed gaze of Titus meeting his over his work but he focuses his attention again on the figure.

 

“ _What do you think you are doing?”_ Titus asks quietly. Hands held in his lap and sunshine shining on the skin of his head. _“You have a battle to prepare for but you are here.”_ His voice fills with disappointment and Hollow shakes his head. _“You were a mistake. Heda should have never allied with you.”_

 

“ _Just as you should have never become a teacher for the natblida but yet here you are.”_ Hollow meets his gaze then. Finding a frown on the older man's face. _“My army is ready but I am not.”_

 

“ _Afraid as always.”_

 

“ _Only a fool would face a battle without an ounce of fear. Fear is what will give me courage. Fear is what will turn the tide of this battle. I know it and my warriors know it.”_

 

“ _And if their fear is too great? Their fear will cause them to turn and run. Their fear will cost us Polis. It will cost us this war.”_

 

“ _Fear is what makes them strong. Fear of losing this war means their greatest fears will come to light. They will no longer be a dream in the dead of night but a dream they live as they walk in the day.”_ He looks back down at the figure. His heda's gaze looking back at him before he sets back to carving out her jaw. _“If we lose then it is by the gods' will.”_

 

“ _Your parents made a mistake in letting you lead.”_

 

“ _They made the best decision that they could for their people and I have lead by example._ ” He refuses to look up at the man as he continues. _“Not all leaders are like you, Titus. Not all leaders rule with an iron fist and a ruthlessness that threatens even Nia's.”_

 

“ _I am no leader but I build them strong.”_

 

“ _You build them weak.”_ He looks up then. _“You build them to believe that fear and love is weakness when it is what will make them strong. You build them to believe in being ruthless and cold in order to win. You build them just as you were built to be.”_

 

“ _I build them to be great. I build them to claim victory of their enemies and heda Lexa is proof of that.”_

 

“ _She is truly a legendary commander.”_

 

“ _It is the one thing we can both agree on.”_

 

“ _But can we agree that the love she feels is what makes her great?”_

 

“ _Love has always been weakness..”_ Titus murmurs. His gaze turning out across the street before looking back to Hollow. _“But for her it may be a strength.”_

 

–

 

“We should go.”

 

“Yeah.” Clarke sits up slowly. Not missing the questioning look in Lexa's gaze before it's pushed away. Not missing the way she seems to flinch when Clarke picks up the discarded knife she'd just tried to kill her with. She doesn't miss how Lexa falls into step behind her rather than in front of her when she keeps hold of the knife. As if she is afraid that Clarke will use it on her. As if the beast inside isn't locked back up in it's cage and it hurts that Lexa acts that way but she also understands. She'd be afraid too if the roles were reversed.

 

Once they step back into the throne room things change. Bjorn kneels beside a quietly speaking Ontari. His hand in hers as if he is keeping her anchored to this life and Lexa rushes them. Dropping to her knees beside Ontari's head.

 

“Ontari!” Lexa grips her shoulder and Clarke approaches slowly. Freezing when Bjorn jerks to back up from her. “It's okay, Bjorn. She's okay.”

 

“She-”

 

“She is okay.” Lexa repeats firmly and the man nods slowly.

 

“She isn't bleeding anymore but she's still weak.” Bjorn meets her eye as he speaks and Clarke closes the distance to kneel by Ontari's side. The azgeda warrior looking up at her without fear like the other two as she's already seen Clarke's other side more than once. Faced it's wraith and lived to tell the tale.

 

“Are you okay?” Ontari asks. Her voice low and weak. Brown eyes dull but she holds up her blood stained hand. “Is Nia.. is she..?”

 

“Yes.” Clarke lies to one question but the truth to another, unsure if she is even okay at all before she slips her hand into hers and Ontari squeezes at her fingers.

 

“Oh. So I am the new queen then?”

 

“If you want it. I don't think Lexa will let it go to Echo.”

 

“She is the oldest. She has the first choice.”

 

“She is a prisoner of war, Ontari.” Lexa adds and Ontari nods in agreement. “The throne is up for you and only you. She is also not even the child of Nia and Ludwig. Only Nia. She holds no grounds in taking the throne without Nia.”

 

“Then I have no other choice.” She let's go of Clarke's hand and sits up slowly. “As queen.. I must ask that you, heda Lexa, return to Polis.”

 

“You don't have to be queen. There must be some other way, Ontari.” Clarke frowns at her friend because she knows she doesn't want this. She has never wanted it.

 

“This is the only way. If there was no heir. Male or female then it would fall to the people to choose a new queen. The azgeda people are still in their blood lust. They are cold and cruel people. They will choose a new queen. A new queen who will throw us into another war but if I take it.. if I put aside my own wants and desires then I can change things. I can keep us from another war.” She looks over at Lexa then. “Now you must go. The army is unaware of Nia's death. They are still under orders to attack Polis.”

 

“If only we had your armies.”

 

“You do. The rebels are my armies.” She looks Bjorn in the eye. “I want to make you a general in my armies, Bjorn. You, Lagetha and Thorunn.”

 

“I accept and I am certain that they will accept too.”

 

“Good.” She lays back down. “Now, heda Lexa and Clarke must go.”

 

“Sha, queen.” Lexa stands and Clarke stands with her. The commander breaking into a run once they are outside of the throne room and Clarke keeps pace with her. Stealing two horses and riding through the half open gates of the city into the mid day sun.

 

Lexa wastes no time in crossing the fields outside of Ontre. Pushing her horse to race towards Polis with Clarke close beside her. Not slowing until signs of the army begin to grow more and more obvious. The distance between them and Polis shorter but Clarke realizes that the army has stopped. Camping a distance from the city and she wonders why. Even Lexa beside her seems confused but she doesn't speak as they attempt to skirt the army. Avoiding scouts despite how loud they were being until they were finally free of the army and approaching the city walls as dusk falls. Their horses tired on their feet once they cross into the city.

 

Clarke walks away as Lexa falls into heda mode. Shouting commands at gona and searching out the leaders of her allies but Clarke makes her way for the tower. Climbing the steps rather than taking the lift. Giving her time to sort through her thoughts and before she knows it she's on the library floor. Looking into the scared brown eyes of Maverik but it's not fear of her. It's fear of the army that comes for them.

 

“ _Wanheda!”_

 

“ _Maverik.”_

 

“ _You are back. What happened in Ontre? Is the queen gone? Who is the new queen? Will the army retreat now? What is going on?!”_ He fires question after question and Clarke shakes her head. Pushing past him to finish her journey up the stairs but she pauses at the last question that comes before she is out of earshot.

 

“ _Are you okay?”_

 

Ontari had asked that question and she'd have no answer because she doesn't know if she is okay. She almost killed Lexa. She killed Nia. She killed nearly half a city's guard the throne room. The people of Ontre had run screaming from her. She was a monster and she had proven that today. If Maverik knew what she had done he'd run screaming too. Even Lexa had walked away but she knew that she had to take control of the city. She had to prepare it for it's final battle. She has to prepare to rebuild the coalition when it is all over and Clarke knows she'll do it. She'll do whatever it took to rebuild the coalition.

 

“ _No. I am not okay.”_

 

“ _Is there anything I can do to help you?”_

 

She knows her next decision will determine where she ends up. It will determine just how far Lexa would go for her. It will determine just how far Clarke would be willing to go for herself even and she takes a deep breathe as she steps down the few steps to look Maverik in the eye.

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It wasn't my cup of tea. I found this chapter to be pretty hard to write and not because I put it off for as long as I did. Clarke vs Lexa felt so alien to me after writing them some what happy. Even mentioning it was kind of difficult and put me off for working on whatever chapter it was for the rest of the day. The next chapter will more than likely be difficult to write too because I'm not a big feelings person but I will do my best. I know that I could have just avoided the fight entirely but I knew that after mentioning it as often as I have that I couldn't just do that. It was an inevitable event even though it ended up being cheesy as all hell.


	44. Chapter 44

The belt around her waist hangs loosely. Coat open and fresh air slipping over her exposed skin in the heat of her war room. The window behind her open but it's not enough to keep the heat down. It's not enough to free the room of it's sweaty scent. The gona gathered around the table look at her with sweat slipping down the sides of their faces as today is one of the hottest they've faced so far. The army beyond the walls still waits just out of sight but they know they are there. Agnes approaches from the west with an army of her own. Indra's gathered army approaching from the south. Torn apart by the southern clans but moving with enough gona to join the army that Lexa builds within Polis. Word of Nia's death had seemed to reach few. The people of Polis knew but they knew that they were still going to be attacked.

 

Lexa sighed as she eyed her generals. Clarke wasn't among them. She had seen little of the blonde since their return from Ontre. They hadn't even slept together in the same bed last night. Clarke completely missing from the tower but she had learned that Clarke had stayed with Raven. She chose to keep the distance however. Still feeling a little uncertain being near her, a little afraid even. Her dreams the night before about nothing but the killing in Ontre.

 

“ _Heda Lexa.”_ Hollow begins with a curious gleam in his eyes. _“Is there a reason why were gathered here? Or would you prefer to stay in your thoughts?”_

 

Hollow had changed since his arrival to Polis. He was more talkative. A little more teasing and Lexa shook her head. _“My apologies. I am just a little preoccupied. Give me the state of the city.”_

 

A general beside Hollow begins after that. Explaining in great detail their numbers. The numbers of available housing for gona and even the numbers of traders within the city. He reports that they have space for the ingranrona as well as stores to feed them and Lexa nods. Polis was built to support hundreds of people at once. It was built to be the pillar of safety and strength for all of their people. It's limits were being tested now and Lexa trusts that she and the city both will be able to handle this.

 

The meeting comes to a close rather quickly but Lexa lingers. Facing the open window of the war room but she turns when she hears the door close behind her. Luna sits herself on the table. Hands clasped in her lap and Lexa sighs. She already knows what Luna is here for but she wishes Luna wouldn't.

 

“ _She attacked you.”_ Luna states firmly and Lexa nods. _“Yet you brought here back to the city.. stupid Lexa.”_

 

“ _She was not in her right mind. It was not her that attacked me but the beast.”_

 

“ _She could have killed you, Lexa.”_

 

“ _But she did not.”_ Lexa defends. Turning to face the window again and her eyes settle on the small building that is Raven's workshop. _“She stopped. She found the strength to stop.”_

 

“ _But you are still afraid of her._ ” Luna scoffs, _“the commander who built something of nothing is afraid of a pit fighter. I am not even ashamed to call you heda. I am afraid of her too. She who controls death let you live when she had the power to take your life. You should have killed her when you had the chance.”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _You are letting your love for her blind you. She will use that against you, Lexa. She will use it and she will take your life before you even see it coming!”_

 

“ _Then so be it.”_

 

“ _You are stupid.”_

 

“ _She did not kill me. She did not do it. She had every chance but she did not do it.”_ Lexa closes her eyes but still doesn't turn to face Luna. Her friend is right only about her fear of Clarke. She is not right that she should have killed her when she had the chance. She believes that Clarke won't try to kill her again. She believes in her. She believes in her strength and her will power. She is a pillar of strength despite her weaknesses. _“I believe in her..”_

 

“ _But you do not trust her, do you?”_

 

“ _I am trying.”_

 

–

 

“ _I am trying.”_

 

Clarke pushes away from the door. Following the short hallway to the stairs but she pauses halfway down. Dropping to sit on the steps and putting her head in her hands. Lexa doesn't trust her. She destroyed her trust in Ontre. She has half a mind to go ahead with her plans but she knows she should wait. She should at least finish the battle of Polis before she does anything. She owes that much to Lexa. She owes that much to all of the people in Polis.

 

“ _What are you doing here?”_ A voice speaks up and she looks up the stares to find Luna staring at her harshly. _“Come to finish the job?”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _Then why are you here?”_

 

“ _I wanted to speak with Lexa but it seems she is busy.”_

 

“ _You should not be speaking with her alone anyway.”_ Luna continues down the stairs and Clarke watches her go. Shocked that the leader would say something like that in the first place. Her obvious distrust of Clarke not painful but rather helping her make the decision a little easier and she sighs. Continuing up the stairs rather than stopping by the war room.

 

–

 

By dusk news comes that the ingranrona are camped to the west. A scout sent in the cool breeze that came with night to alert Lexa of her newest alliance. Lexa knows she should go and greet the newcomers but first she decides to stop by Raven's workshop. She will meet the delfikru but she will ask Clarke to join her first. She may have lost some trust in her but that won't stop her from being near her. It won't stop her from fighting to regain that lost trust.

 

“Lexa?” She looks up from the closed door before herself. Hand poised to knock but she drops it when she finds Clarke standing several feet from her. Leather bag over her shoulder and confusion set her blue eyes. “What are you doing here?”

 

“The ingranrona have arrived but they have brought us a new ally, the delfikru. I came by to ask if you would join me in greeting them.”

 

“Oh.” Her shoulders rise and fall with a breath that seems to last a little too long before she shakes her head. “Okay then.”

 

“You'll go?”

 

“Yes, just give me a moment.”

 

“Okay.” Lexa doesn't follow her into the building but rather stands outside. Kneeling to eye level with Raven's dog when he pads out to sniff at her boots. His excitement evident when he begins to wag his tail. Rolling onto his back and whining but he jumps up when Clarke steps back outside.

 

“Zero loves everyone.”

 

“So it seems.”

 

“He may follow us though.”

 

“They are camped to the west of the city. We have the space for them here but they've decided otherwise. However, I don't think they will mind his presence if he follows.”

 

“You're willing to ride out into the dark with the azgeda army so close?”

 

“Yes. Does that bother you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Come along then.” Lexa leads the way. Following the path towards the main gates where their horses wait ready and prepared but Lexa pauses when she spots Luna already on her horse. Confused as to exactly why the floukru leader had decided to join them when she hadn't asked her to. _“Luna?”_

 

“ _I saw them preparing your horse and wanheda's. I am guessing you are riding to greet the delfikru?”_

 

“ _Sha..”_

 

“ _I will join you then.”_ She straightens up in her saddle and looks down on Clarke. _“Would not want anything to happen to heda out there. Would we, wanheda?”_

 

“ _No.”_ Clarke wastes no time in mounting her horse. Refusing to meet Luna's gaze while Lexa watches the small exchange before mounting her own horse.

 

The ride through the dark woods does little to calm the tension. The guards ahead and behind them lighting up the path before the fires of an army glow in the distance. Unafraid to be known by any other army nearby. An army of well trained and fearless gona lingering near their fires. Horses tied securely to lines nearby but Lexa pushes on to find the tent that she knows Agnes would use for meeting with other leaders. However, the leader finds her first. Calling out to her from a small fire surrounded by two other warriors.

 

“ _Heda Lexa!”_ Agnes calls out as she stands. Placing her hand on the nose of Lexa's horse while she slides off its back. _“This is a northern horse. How did you manage to find and even ride such a savage beast?”_

 

“ _Stolen from Ontre.”_ Lexa explains and Agnes frowns. _“My other horse was killed in the last battle of Polis.”_

 

“ _I will send you a new, better horse after this war is over. Now is not the time for talking about horses but for you to reacquaint yourself with Ranger and Night! They have ridden a long time to see you, heda.”_ Agnes draws her in and sits her down beside the fire. Motioning for Clarke to join them beside Lexa. _“Heda, this is Ranger and he is Night.”_

 

“ _Ranger.”_ She has met him before but now his hair was longer. His beard thicker and his gaze harder. Night beside him seems as cheerful as ever. _“And Night.”_

 

“ _Heda.”_ Ranger speaks first. Night beside remaining quiet but Lexa knows that Night is his personal guard as well as his lover. Night may as well have been a leader however. Ranger always including him in everything as any good couple would. _“It has been quite a few years since I have seen you.”_

 

“ _Quite.. but these are unfortunate circumstances that we meet again under.”_

 

“ _May these unfortunate circumstances come to a quick end.”_ Ranger looks over at Clarke then. Eyes scanning her up and down before he nods respectfully at her. _“Wanheda.”_

 

“ _Ranger.”_

 

Lexa realizes once Ranger has acknowledged her that he begins to ignore her but it seems that Clarke is in her own world regardless. Gaze focused on the flames and still as Lexa thanks Ranger for coming to her aid. Clarke remains silent as they return to Polis as well. Lingering behind Luna and riding slow but the guards keep with her all the same.

 

–

 

Word comes in the dead of night that the azgeda army is moving closer to Polis. A second army approaches from the south, tailing the lingering army of Indra's. Clarke listens intently to Lexa's plans from the corner of the crowded war room. General's of allied clans and their leaders among Lexa and her own general's. She intends to send a messenger to both armies with a white flag of truce. Sending the message that Nia is gone and that a new queen intends to ascend the throne. Clarke doubts it will work but she will support whatever Lexa intends to do. It is the least she can do.

 

“ _Agnes, Luna, Ranger prepare your gona. We will meet the azgeda. Hollow will defend the city with his gona. Lagetha and the rebels will ride out to defend Indra's group but once they are in Polis they are to join Hollow's army. If everything goes well then the azgeda, ouskejon and podakru will be defeated. We will then join the fight against the southern clans. Any objections?”_

 

“ _No heda.”_ Comes a chorus of voices and Clarke meets Lexa's gaze from across the room. Nodding in return to hers.

 

“ _Go.”_

 

It takes little time for the army to gather outside of Polis. The trikru, delfikru, floukru and the ingranrona positioned as the azgeda suddenly seem to appear out of nothing by torch light. The person leading them masked and unidentifiable when they raise their hand to halt them. All eyes turned to the lone rider who flies the white flag as she crosses the expanse of woods towards the azgeda. Clarke knew she was the only scout brave enough to approach them. The only one who put herself out there when Lexa went to them. Her name was Cri, a floukru scout.

 

In the time it takes Cri to cross the distance. Only her torch giving away her position. White flag flapping as she goes. Casting shadows across the ground but suddenly the light is snuffed out. A scream exploding through the woods and a set of azgeda warriors ride into the middle of the space between them. The leader removing his mask and Clarke can just make out Dusk's face by his torch.

 

“ _Queen or no queen. I will continue what Nia fought to accomplish!”_ He yells out to them and Lexa visibly sags in her saddle. As if the weight of the world has just collapsed on her shoulders and Clarke watches her a moment. The subtle dip of her chin and fluttering of her eyes as she takes a deep, calming breath. _“Prepare for your death, heda Lexa! Because where Nia failed. I will not!”_

 

“You can do this, Lexa.” Clarke tells her quietly. Ignoring the rest of the leaders and warriors around her.

 

“ _We_ can do this.” Lexa corrects. Looking over at her with unreadable expression. _“All of us together can do this.”_

 

“ _Together or not at all.”_ Agnes adds in and Lexa nods slowly. Turning her head to look out at the slowing rising sun in the distance.

 

“ _This will be a red, bloody dawn.”_ Lexa snuffs her torch and Clarke mirrors her. The army around them doing the same. _“Ranger. Prepare your archers to fire.”_

 

“ _Sha heda.”_ Ranger motions for his gona to move forward. Taking up the front line and nocking arrows before waiting for their next command. The movement causes movement from the gona across from them but Clarke isn't sure who fires first. There is no command that rings out but suddenly an arrow is let loose. Another arrow loosened in response until it sets off a chain reaction. Suddenly the azgeda army is charging them. Dusk at the head with his sword out and Lexa charges forward in response. The floukru following her through and the sound of clashing armies fills the air.

 

From the west comes Agnes' cavalry. Charging hard and loud as they take out the archers from behind the gona. Clarke watches a moment before an ouskejon warrior swings at her but she dodges his axe. Slashing out at the masked warriors before moving on from his bleeding body. Fighting through a set of azgeda and podakru with the help of another trikru warrior. With a pause she seeks out Lexa. Finding her fighting with dual swords and completely in control. Blood splattered across her face and mixing in with her war paint.

 

“ _Planning on killing her this time?”_ A voice speaks up behind her and Clarke whirls around. Finding Luna standing behind her with a scowl and a blood soaked sword. Red hair wild and barely tamed by her braids. _“I will not let you.”_

 

“ _What the hell are you talking about?”_ Clarke jerks to avoid a podakru warrior that charges for her. Grabbing him by the back of his armor and stabbing him through the back before letting him drop. _“Luna?”_

 

“ _I see the way you look at her. Like a missed opportunity. Like a mistake you want to correct but I will not let you.”_

 

“ _You are crazy.”_ Clarke sighs when Luna grips her weapon tighter. She knows this won't end pretty. That the leader intends to attack her because she won't give Clarke a chance. She's ready when Luna charges forward. Blocking every attack with her sword and fighting to avoid her actual enemies that attack her from every side. _“Luna!”_

 

“ _Shut up!”_ She shouts back and Clarke grits her teeth in frustration before releasing. Realizing a warrior is rushing Luna's back and despite her dislike for the floukru leader. She will not let Lexa lose an ally and a friend because of Luna's hatred. Clarke grunts when she throws herself into Luna. Grabbing her arm with her free hand and pushing her aside to let the attacking warrior run himself onto her sword. It takes Luna a moment to realize what Clarke has done. Her eyes wide and filling with slow realization when she takes in Clarke before she pushes back from the leader. _“Why?”_

 

“ _Lexa needs you and I need Lexa.”_

 

“ _This changes nothing.”_

 

“ _Did not think it would. Go and fight. Help us claim victory today.”_

 

Luna stares at her before turning away. Disappearing into the thick of the battle and Clarke wonders if she's made the right decision in letting Luna go.

 

–

 

“ _The trikru retreat back to Polis in full force.”_ Ram tells her from his chair outside of her cell. _“My armies follow them. They will join in the final battle for Polis and we will be victorious. Then this war will be over and you will set free to return to wherever it is that you came from.”_

 

“ _And if they lose?”_

 

“ _I will still release you. There would be no point in holding you here after the war.”_ He scans her cell and Octavia wonders if he knows what the Polis prison is like. His prison is much different than Lexa's. The floor isn't cold, damp stone but instead it is wood. Even a straw bed was provided for her when Lexa's had nothing. It had taken time but she realizes that this clan treats their prisoners much better than those in the north. She had even been given the opportunity to leave her cell with Seven and a guard. _“How are your wounds healing?”_

 

“ _Hurts a little less than yesterday.”_ It would hurt less if she were home. If she had Lincoln taking over her healing. If she had his hands on her skin to sew her up. His love and warmth to bring comfort and safety but all she has is the memory of him. A certain hope filling her heart that he will survive the battle.

 

“ _I see..”_ He clears his throat. Boots shifting against the wooden floor before he continues. _“My daughter seems quite taken with you.”_

 

“ _I have someone.”_

 

“ _That is not what I mean. She has always shown interest in the northern people. Has always wanted to meet heda Lexa and wanheda too. She wants to learn from them I think. She has seen everything that the south has to offer which is very little beyond the rice fields and swamps.”_

 

“ _And what exactly does this have to do with me?”_

 

“ _I will allow you to return to Polis regardless of victory or not if you will take Seven with you.”_

 

“ _She is an enemy of heda Lexa and I am a second. I cannot promise to keep her alive.”_

 

“ _Seven did. She is a second and she kept you alive.”_

 

“ _You are her nontu.”_

 

“ _Have you forgotten her nomon?”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _I believe you can keep her safe. I have heard rumors that wanheda can be understanding. Heda Lexa too.”_

 

Octavia frowns but this is an chance for her to escape. A chance to return to Polis, Lincoln and Indra if she even survived the battle. Seven may be a competent warrior but in Polis she would surrounded by her enemies. Ram putting so much trust in her is strange and she wonders if somehow this is an idea of his to get Seven close to Lexa in order to kill her. Even if it was, Clarke wouldn't let Lexa die to the hands of a second.

 

“ _Okay.”_

 

“ _Okay?”_

 

“ _I will take her to Polis.”_

 

–

 

Lexa searches for Dusk among the gona. If there is anything that will end this battle sooner rather than later it would be the capture or death of the man who leads them but he seems to be missing. Warriors fight without a leader and Lexa pauses a moment. Meeting blue eyes that approach her through the swarm of gona. Blood on her chin and dripping from her sword. Blonde hair stained in various shades of pink from the still lingering berry dye.

 

“Have you seen Dusk?”

 

“No.” Clarke pulls on Lexa's coat when a mounted rider charges at them. Pulling her out of the way and closer than she meant to but Lexa doesn't mind the closeness. She's missed her since their return to Ontre. Clarke keeping herself at a distance for reasons unknown to Lexa but then Clarke pulls away too quickly. “I will find him.”

 

“Stay safe.”

 

Clarke seems to pause before her hand leaves Lexa's coat. “You too.”

 

Clarke disappear back into the thick of the fight before Lexa can even blink. Losing her among warriors who bleed and fight as if it is their last battle for this life. Her warriors who seem to be slowly fading while the azgeda overwhelm them with seemingly more numbers. Lexa spots Agnes in the distance through the woods. Regrouping her warriors before they charge again. Trampling the enemy while their allies dart away to avoid them and Lexa moves with them. Grabbing a horse as it's rider had fallen in its last charge. Grabbing a spear thrown into the dirt before letting out a war cry.

 

It's a war cry that's echoed by dozens more warriors around her. Luna's voice rising among them and shortly after she hears Clarke's. The cry becomes a roar as more join in and it seems to strike fear into the hearts of the azgeda. A sudden shift in retreating gona that Lexa witnesses with her own eyes on the borrowed horse. Warriors suddenly chased by ingranrona and foot soldiers. Leaving behind a field of dead as they chase northward and for a moment Lexa believes they are victorious. Warriors are chased until they come to a river and a second, smaller massed army. A flurry of arrows let loose into them and Lexa grunts in pain from an arrow impeding itself in her thigh but she keeps going. Ignoring the throbbing pain in her leg as she leads the charge. Spotting Dusk among the archers and she grips her spear in both hands. Swinging it low and hard at his body but he grabs it firmly. Pulling her down from her horse and to the ground in one fluid motion.

 

The air is forced from her lungs when she lands. More pain exploding from her leg when she jumps up as quickly as she can. Coughing and sucking in deep breaths as she dodges swings from the spear Dusk took from her. Stepping into his space when he swings too wide. Foot connecting with his gut when she pulls on the spear. Yanking it from his hands and swinging it for his head. The thick wood connecting with the side of his head but he remains upright. Blood steady streaming from his ear when he grabs the spear between her hands.

 

“ _Are you ready to die, heda?”_

 

“ _Are you?”_

 

He laughs. Eyes glancing over her shoulder and she hears loud footsteps before they are suddenly cut off. A pained grunt filling her ears and Dusk scowls. Lifting one hand and hitting Lexa squarely in the mouth. His fist drawn back and painted in her blood before he moves to hit her again but his fist stops short of her face. It takes Lexa a moment through her momentary daze to figure out what stopped Dusk from hitting her again and it's a second spear that pierces through his chest into the ground behind him. His body held upright only by the spear and Lexa lets go of the one she holds onto. Her lungs burning with the breath she'd held until she begins to topple backward.

 

Arms encircle her waist and a familiar warmth carries her to the ground. The sounds of the battle around her fading as warriors flee with the loss of their leader and blue eyes as dark as the sky above look down at her.

 

“You're not dying on me yet, Lexa.” Clarke murmurs. A warm hand resting on her thigh before a second person joins them. Luna's gaze harsh and protective when she pushes Clarke's hand away but Lexa doesn't have the strength to say anything. Body tired, hurt and bleeding but Clarke doesn't let her go until Lincoln and another healer come to find them. _“Take her back to Polis. Keep her alive. I will take command of the attack from the south.”_

 

“ _No, I will.”_ Luna fights back. Eyes fall on Lexa as if to ask her to side with her but Lexa shakes her head. Motioning for the healers to back away.

 

“I will lead it.”

 

“Lexa, you're hurt.” Clarke reasons but Lexa shakes her head again.

 

“I am okay.”

 

Luna sighs. Laying a hand on her shoulder firmly. _“Let us take over the south, heda. You will take command afterward.”_

 

“I-”

 

“Lexa, please.” Clarke almost holds a pleading tone and Lexa nods slowly.

 

“Fine. Take me to Polis.”

 

“Sha heda,” Lincoln speaks quietly. Blood coating the skin of his arms but it doesn't seem to be his own when his lifts her.

 

“ _The battle is almost over and now is the time to end it.”_ Lexa hears Clarke speak before she's too far away to hear her anymore.

 

–

 

Clarke studies Dusk's body in the midday sun. Shocked by her own aim when she'd thrown the spear over Lexa's shoulder and into his body without hitting her. Luna had said nothing of it and she ignores her even now. Accepting the horse that one of Agnes' warriors leads to her before mounting and it's a miracle that Luna lets her lead the charge to the south gates of Polis. Finding Hollow's army already there and hurrying to bring in the remainder of Indra's army. The general mounted on a bleeding horse and an empty space beside her where Octavia had once been.

 

“ _Where is Octavia?”_ Clarke asks when she is close enough to the general but Indra stares a moment at her before shaking her head.

 

“ _We were separated at the river when the southern clans attacked. I have not seen her since. I could not look for her.”_ There is almost the sound of sadness in Indra's voice but she masks it as best she can. She won't allow herself to mourn the loss of her second just yet and Clarke steels herself over. Ignoring the sting of tears behind her eyes when she reaches out and touches Indra's hand softly with a comforting nod.

 

“ _She would not survive a lifetime under the floor just to die on a battlefield, Indra. Have faith in her.”_

 

“ _I have the utmost faith in her but-”_

 

“ _No. Give her a chance.”_ Clarke pulls back under Indra's frown. _“How far is the army?”_

 

“ _Not far. We had to pick up and move in the middle of the night or be slaughtered by them.”_ She eyes the injured gona that make their way into the city. Many of them helped by villagers they had picked up on the way. _“I will fight with you but where is heda?”_

 

“ _She was injured in the fight with the azgeda. I have taken over for now.”_

 

“ _I see.. and have you lead an army before?”_

 

“ _I.._ ” She sighs, _“no.”_

 

“ _You are today.”_ Indra turns her horse to face the woods. _“May the gods be in our favor this day.”_

 

Clarke nods and she watches the trees rather than the passing army. Agnes and the rest of her army riding up and taking positions to defend the villagers that come in behind the army. Eyes on the trees too until something catches both of their eyes. Agnes quickly looking over at her as if to ask if she sees it too and Clarke nods.

 

The southern clans had caught up and were riding towards the villagers. Clarke shouts but Agnes' army meets them first. Charging through the foot gona as the remainder of Lexa's spear gona rush the mounted warriors. The trishana and other southern clans no match for fresh warriors that outnumber them. Clarke hunts for the one they seem to take orders from. The one they seem to protect the most but she comes up with nothing. The trishana seemingly led by themselves with no one to give them direction and she grinds her teeth in frustration. The only way to push them back would be to slaughter them and she lets out a war cry. Slashing her sword at a southern warrior who nocks an arrow at her. The clans behind her follow her. Cutting through the south clans and overwhelming them until they begin to lay down their weapons in surrender. Accepting their loss and Clarke looks over at Indra in confusion. She hadn't known any clan to give up like that but Indra seems confused by it too.

 

“ _Who leads you!”_ Clarke calls out among the surrender warriors but only one warrior looks up at her. Tall, strong and for a moment he reminds her of Obe but they look nothing alike. _“What is your name?”_ Clarke guides her horse to him before pulling up.

 

“ _One.”_

 

“ _Do you lead them?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _Every southern clan here?”_

 

“ _Yes. The clans under the trishana agreed to allow us to lead. My father, Ram, gave the position to me.”_

 

“ _I see.”_ She looks over out the warriors that stand without their weapons. _“Pick up your weapons and return to your villages peacefully. This war is over. Nia has fallen and a new queen ascends the throne. Tell your leaders.”_

 

“ _You will let us go?”_

 

“ _Unless you intend to remain as a prisoner of heda Lexa. You are free to go home.”_

 

One studies her a moment before he looks at his warriors then nods. _“You are not who I expected you to be, wanheda. I expected ruthlessness. I expected a slaughter but not this.”_

 

“ _There is no more need for bloodshed. The war is over. It is time to go home. It is time to resume our lives.”_

 

“ _What happens to heda's enemies? Will we face punishment for our crimes?”_

 

“ _That is for her to decide. Not me. Go home.”_

 

He nods. Bending to grab his weapon as his warriors mirror him before turning to go. Retreating into the woods behind them and Indra rides up to her. A flicker of fury in her gaze but somewhat surprised by what had happened.

 

“ _How did I do?”_

 

“ _You have much to learn about war.”_

 

“ _I only did what I thought Lexa would do.”_

 

“ _She would not have let them go. They would remain prisoners until their leaders agreed to formally surrender.”_

 

“ _You are free to chase them down, Indra.”_

 

“ _No. If heda Lexa disagrees with your decision then it is your mistake to deal with. Not mine.”_

 

“ _How kind of you.”_ She mutters to herself.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking about updating twice today. Not sure yet.


	45. Chapter 45

Polis fills with activity. Healers rush to attend to injured warriors once their heda is taken care of. The sun rising the next morning to a tired heda standing before her throne with a bandage thigh. Clasped tightly in her coat and faced by her allies as well as riders who would ride for the other clans. There was silence from the southern clans and Clarke still worries for Octavia. Lincoln had managed to keep the worried look out of his dark eyes until night fall the day before. His duties fulfilled and something else had taken center stage in him. His desire to find Octavia alive or dead taking him to heda Lexa to ask for the chance to leave and find her. He was gone before dawn. Taking a horse and riding off to the south.

 

Clarke watches Lexa carefully. Watching for any signs of weakness in her leg as she addresses the people before her. Officially announcing the end of the war with the death of Nia and even Dusk who had decided to lead after her. A new podakru leader in the process of claiming the now open throne and Clarke is well aware that it is the podakru champion she had met not very long ago. She only hopes he can kill a beast in the lake in order to properly ascend. Lexa even mentions Ontari. The new queen of the azgeda but she doesn't mention how much Ontari doesn't want it.

 

“Is Ontari really taking the throne?” A voice whispers into her ear and Clarke half turns her head to find Raven standing just behind her before she nods. “She doesn't want it.”

 

“I know.”

 

“She'll be unhappy.” Raven muses aloud and Clarke fights the urge to face her. Wondering just how close Raven and Ontari had become over the course of the war. “But she is strong.. Taking a throne she doesn't want. Taking a throne she has never wanted. Sacrificing herself for the sake of her people.”

 

“She is doing what she has to do.”

 

“Haven't we all since we got here?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

Lexa dismisses everyone from the room. Sitting down heavily on her throne but Clarke lingers even while Titus has disappeared. Holding onto her spot in the corner of the room before letting out a quiet breath. Crossing the room slowly to stand before Lexa. The commander tired and Clarke assumes she hadn't slept well the night before but she wouldn't know. She had yet to sleep in Lexa's bed since their return from Ontre.

 

“It's over, Lexa.”

 

“There is still much to be done.” Lexa lays her hand over her eyes before unbuckling her coat with her free hand. “We have to bring the coalition back together. Bring all the leaders together after ascensions are complete. Re-establish overall peace.” She sighs, “there is much to be done.”

 

“You can do it.”

 

Lexa uncovers her eyes to look her over. “Why does it sound as if you intend to leave?”

 

“Because its something I've considered.” She shakes her head, “after Ontre.. things haven't been the same, Lexa. You don't trust me anymore and I don't really trust myself to be around you either. I could have killed you or at the very least seriously hurt you. I'm too much of a risk to be around you. Luna has made it painfully obvious that she doesn't trust me either. She doesn't want me near you and I get it. I'm dangerous. I'm a monster. I murdered half a city guard, a queen and almost you. That's not something any leader should have near them.”

 

“That still doesn't mean that I want you to leave.” Lexa murmurs. Rising to her feet with an almost wince before she descends the steps to stop before Clarke. “My trust in you is.. damaged. I won't lie to you about that. I won't keep something like that from you. I won't let you live in a false hope either should I say that it will come back because it may not but I have hope that it will. My love for you has never wavered and never will but my trust has.”

 

“All the more reason for me to go, Lexa. I don't want you to have to live in fear. I don't want you to be afraid when I stand beside you. I don't want you to have to be afraid when I hold a sword near you. I don't want you to be afraid should I lay down beside you.”

 

“So that explains why my bed has been so cold the past couple of days.”

 

“Yes. You know I have nightmares and I have hurt people just waking up from them. You already don't trust me and I don't want to reinforce that anymore than I already have.”

 

“We all have nightmares, Clarke. Some more than others.”

 

“But you don't trust me.”

 

“I.. no.” She reaches out slowly. Taking a hold of the frayed edge of Clarke's shirt before tugging her closer. “None of that means that I want you to go. I don't want to lose the chance to work through this with you. I don't want to risk losing you again because of a foolish decision I've made.”

 

“Lexa..”

 

“I won't force you to stay. I won't imprison you to make you stay. It is your decision and I will abide by what you decide. If you go then okay.. I will not stop you. I will not search for you and it will be entirely up to you should you decide to return. If you stay then we will still go at your pace. If you want to sleep in my bed then okay. If not then okay.”

 

“You're giving me all of this when you're the one who doesn't trust me.”

 

“I give you this because your happiness means the world to me. Forcing you to stay wouldn't make you happy and I don't want that. The only thing I want is a chance. I want to trust you again. I want to trust you as much as I love you.”

 

“So all of this is my choice. My decision. Everything.”

 

“Yes.”

 

Clarke ponders a moment. Looking her in the eye that reads of a pure hope and Clarke thinks back to something Lexa had said a long time ago. A desire of hers to ride through the clans again and even back to her invitation to go along. It may not be the best decision. It will put Lexa at a risk but it may the only way for Lexa to find it in her to trust her again. It may be the only way for Clarke to find the strength to trust herself again. She sighs before leaning forward. Resting her head against Lexa's and taking her hand carefully.

 

“I won't stay..” Lexa's shoulders sag before she has a chance to finish and Clarke sighs. “I won't stay but you told me a long time ago. In what feels like forever ago. That you would like to ride through the clans again. It was something you invited me to do with you and I said I'd think about it. Well.. I am thinking about it and.. if it was something you still wanted to do. If the offer still stands then I would like to do that but only if you would be okay with it.”

 

“Just us?”

 

“Just us.” Lexa's gaze seems to shift as she reverts into her mind. Thinking it through before she nods slowly. “Are you sure?”

 

“Yes. It may be the only way.” Lexa pulls her in closer. Resting her head on her shoulder and holding onto her tightly. “Just us.”

 

“Yes but.. you must heal first.”

 

“As well as the other clans.”

 

–

 

The throne beneath her feels even icier than it had when she was a goufa. It's not her first time sitting here but it is her first time as queen. Dressed in the ceremonial armor that had been crafted by her ancestors so long ago. The armor that would bring a new queen into power. The armor that would announce the arrival of a new war. The armor that would announce the birth of a new heir. It was always the armor that brought in something new for the azgeda and now it feels heavy on her skin. The new wound etched into her skin on her hip burned when she so much as moved but it was required of queen. The wound would heal and eventually hold the azgeda symbol. She is just lucky that the queens before her agreed to allow the new queen to choose where it would remain on their skin until their death. Nia had had it on her right shoulder but Ontari chose for it to be a little more hidden.

 

Bjorn speaks before her throne until he suddenly turns to her. Dropping to one knee as the azgeda people before her drop but only he meets her eye. The rest of her people look down to the ground as she stands. Ignoring the pain in her leg.

 

“ _A new queen rises this day.”_ Bjorn begins and the people speak after him. Mirroring him in an almost haunting tone. _“A new queen bears the armor of the queens before her. A new queen carries the burdens of her people. A new queen carries the love of her people. A new queen listens to the cries of her people. A new queen fights for her people. A queen who will remain until her last breath and further still. A queen who will watch over us with the gods after her spirit has moved onto another. A queen we, the azgeda, will welcome with open arms.”_ He stands and the people behind him do so as well. _“We welcome queen Ontari kom azgeda. Long may she reign.”_

 

“ _Long may she reign.”_ They finish after him and Ontari looks out over them. Expecting to find more looks of dislike than anything else but it isn't what she finds when she looks out. There is more welcoming looks than anything else. People who are grateful for a new queen after Nia's reign of terror. People who hope she will be different and Ontari hopes with them that she will be different. Hopes she will be able to follow in the queen's before her footsteps well enough to not be assassinated in the dead of night. Hopes that they will love her more than they had loved Nia and even the queen before her.

 

It isn't customary for her to speak after them but she feels the need to. She feels the need to speak truthfully of her ascension. To begin her reign with nothing but the truth and she takes a deep breath before beginning. _“I did not want this throne.”_

 

“ _Ontari-”_

 

“ _No, Bjorn. I must be truthful with my people. They are mine as much as I them theirs. They are just as much my family as I am theirs.”_ Bjorn purses her lips but says no more. _“I did not want this throne. It is a throne painted red with the blood of innocence. It is a throne that has felt the power of queen's far more prepared for this than I am. It has meant much to many people. Both of the azgeda and of those who are not azgeda. I never wanted it but I was born for it. It was meant for me just as I am meant for it and while I may not want it.. it is something I must do. I must do it for my people. I must be the queen that you deserve. I must lead you the way you deserve to be lead and with that in mind.. As my first order of business as queen. Ontre will no longer be a throne to the wealthy. The doors will no longer remained closed. It will be an open city to any and all. Azgeda or not. My throne room is open to any who wish to enter. My ears and eyes are open to any who stand before me. I am not just queen to the azgeda but to all people.”_

 

There is silence for a long moment. Silence that drags on and on before a warrior near her steps up to her. Drawing his sword slowly before kneeling at her feet and offering his sword up to her. Head down until he suddenly looks up and gray eyes meet hers.

 

“ _Long may she reign.”_ He speaks in the old azgeda tongue and it is echoed behind him by more and more voices. The overwhelming welcoming feeling filling her but it does not nothing to drown out her doubt. It does nothing to make her feel any better about taking the throne she had never wanted and still does not want.

 

–

 

Octavia rides behind Seven on a borrowed horse but they barely make it out of the city before a scout comes for them to tell them the news. News about the end of the war comes with a burst of freedom in her chest as she looks over at the now crestfallen Seven. The girl was now without reason to visit Polis and Octavia frowns. Sending the scout away before guiding her horse to stand beside Seven's. The girl refusing to look over at her as she sits there.

 

“ _Are we going to go or not?”_

 

“ _Did you not hear him? The war is over. You are free.”_

 

“ _You can still ride to Polis.”_ Octavia guides her horse forward but she pulls up when she realizes Seven isn't following her. _“Come on.”_ The girl scowls at her before digging her heels in to get her horse moving. _“Wipe that scowl off your face before you meet heda Lexa.”_

 

“ _Shut up.”_ Seven grumbles out but Octavia still hears the pleased whisper of a tone in her voice. It shines in her eyes and she relaxes in her deerskin saddle. Following the road across the river into trikru territory and further still. Keeping a slow pace well into dusk before she decides to stop. Pulling off the road into a small clearing.

 

“ _So.. I have a question for you.”_

 

“ _Keep it to yourself.”_

 

“ _Are you the seventh child? Or did your nomon just really like the name Seven?”_

 

Seven audibly groans as she prepares to light a small fire. _“I am the seventh in line to take the throne after my brothers and sisters.”_

 

“ _So you are the baby of the family.”_

 

“ _No, that is Eight. He is a goufa still.”_

 

“ _You are barely a second.”_ Octavia mutters. Watching the light of the growing flame flicker under Seven's coaxing.

 

“ _I may be but I can still kill you if I need or even want to.”_

 

“ _I dare you to try.”_ She looks around the trees but finds nothing she is familiar with. Silently wondering just how far they had come so far before Seven hands her dry meat from her saddlebag. _“How far from Polis are we?”_

 

“ _Still a few days away. We are taking our time.”_

 

“ _I see..”_

 

“ _In a rush?”_

 

“ _Maybe.”_ She worries for Lincoln. Wondering if he had made it through the battle alive and well despite her trust in him. She knows he won't let anything take him if it is up to him. He can take care of himself well enough. Bind his own wounds even. _“Yes.”_

 

“ _A gona?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _You do not seem the type to fall for a trader or even a healer.”_

 

Octavia chuckles softly. _“You would be surprised.”_

 

“ _A trader?”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _Healer as well as a gona then.”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _Who?”_

 

“ _You ask a lot of questions.”_

 

“ _You asked me many as well. Now answer. Who is it?”_

 

“ _Lincoln kom trikru.”_

 

“ _Heda had a kill order for him. Riders brought us the news that should we see him to kill him.”_ She sits back from the fire and pulls her knees to her chest. _“I do not think nontu would have obeyed though. He says Lincoln is a good, strong gona. As strong a gona as he is a healer. Nomon would have done it though.”_

 

“ _She seems quite the beast.”_

 

“ _She was born in the swamps. She did what she had to do in order to survive. Even if it meant becoming as mean as she is. I am not sure how nontu came to be with her. They refuse to tell us.”_

 

“ _Some guys like a woman who can kick their asses.”_

 

Seven frowns, _“that is not something I want to think about.”_

 

–

 

Night falls with a heavy dampness in the air and Lexa lingers in the doorway to her balcony. A split second shot of lightning in the distance followed by the boom of a far off thunder. She hopes the storm will avoid Polis but she wants the rain. The ground needs the rain. Needs it to wash away the scent of blood and replace it with the promise of a new future. Perhaps it will even take away some of the heat for a little while.

 

“ _The boudalan and ingranrona have left the city.”_ Luna speaks up behind her and Lexa nods. _“My gona will leave in the morning and I with them unless you need me to stay.”_

 

“ _No, the sangedakru need you now more than I do.”_

 

“ _Right..”_ Luna hums before she sighs. _“What about the skaikru?”_

 

“ _I leave that to you. They have made themselves a bit of a home in Hilelia.”_ She faces the leader and Luna looks at her in slight confusion. _“I have read the reports sent to you.”_

 

“ _Oh.”_

 

“ _I expect you to treat them well.”_

 

“ _As well as I can.”_ Luna half turns to leave but she pauses to look back at Lexa with an almost hesitant look in her eye before she decides to just go for it. _“And what about-”_

 

“ _Clarke is welcome to do as she pleases. If she stays here then it is okay. If she leaves then that is okay too. She helped us win this war. She is a hero to many.”_

 

“ _And a monster.”_

 

“ _When will you give her the chance to be more than that, Luna? When will you give her that? I have seen the way you look at her. I have seen the way she looks at you. Both giving the other a look of dislike. One stronger than the other but it is all the same.”_ She grits her teeth before letting out a breath. _“I may not trust her but that does not mean that I hate her and neither should you. She has not hurt you in the slightest. The only thing missing now is you attacking her.”_

 

Luna is silent for a long moment before she nods. _“I would never be so stupid as to attack wanheda..”_

 

“ _I do not suspect it would be a fight you would walk away from.”_

 

“ _No..”_ They both look up when the doors to the throne room open. Clarke stepping through and Luna gives Lexa one last glance before making her way out of the room. Giving Clarke and Lexa privacy that Lexa is grateful for when the blonde comes to a stop in front of her.

 

“We're in for a wet evening it seems.” Lexa begins first and Clarke nods. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yes. I just got tired of sitting in Raven's workshop. Listening to her mumble about things I thought I could forget since we fell from the ark.”

 

“Her mind never seems to sleep.”

 

“It doesn't. Even when she is asleep she mumbles about things.” A small smile plays at her lips and Lexa feels a little more at peace.

 

“Join me for dinner.” She blurts out and Clarke studies her silently before nodding. Following her through the throne room and into another room. Table set for one and small as Lexa's servants had assumed it would only be one that night but they change it the moment they catch sight of Clarke. Quickly setting up for another but then a third when Lexa hears Couis' yell in the hallway.

 

“I hope you don't mind.”

 

“As long as you are here, I don't mind at all.” Clarke admits as she sits next to Lexa. A servant quietly wrestling Couis into his chair until Lexa scolds him softly. After that he sits calmly in his seat. Dressed in the clothes Lexa's tailor had made for him. His hair a little longer and looks more like Obe every time Lexa sees him but he is still quiet. Quiet enough that the little dinner turns out peaceful.

 

–

 

“ _The war is over.”_ Nadira murmurs over the cooking fire.

 

This conversation was a long time coming. At least since they moved into Polis because of the war and Alta is still unsure. She had always known that since she was exiled that she would remain in that little village with Nadira until her death. She had accepted her fate and was content so long as she had Nadira at her side. When she found Clarke in the woods half starved and barely alive she had considered it a chance to redeem herself but forgotten it the moment Nia took Clarke into the pits. A small part of her still blamed herself for what had happened to Clarke.

 

“ _It is.”_ She finally answers back. Staring into the flames and thumb smoothing over the leather tie at her waist. The only thing keeping her pants on after losing so much weight in the ice prison. _“But I do not know what we will do. I do not know if heda will have us return to Oneida or give us the choice to remain in Polis. Maybe some of the others will choose to return to their clans but after that the decision falls to you and I.”_

 

“ _You know I will go wherever you go.”_

 

“ _I know but.. where would you like to go? Tell me. Let me correct my mistake against you.”_

 

“ _Mistake? What have you done to wrong me?”_

 

“ _I joined heda Lexa and for that Oneida was attacked. You and I along with many others were imprisoned. We lost many to the ice prison. My mistake was that I put you in danger. A danger you never should have seen.”_

 

Nadira studies her a moment before setting down her wooden spoon then crossing the room to kneel before Alta. Taking her hand softly in hers. Fingers drawing soft circles in her gaunt skin before she looks up into her curious gaze. _“It was not your mistake. The white queen would have come for us if you joined heda Lexa or not. The queen knew the strength you had as a former Polis guard. She knew the knowledge you had of the city. She would have come for you and I know that. You know that as well. Do not blame yourself for something that was to happen regardless of our choices love.”_

 

“ _You are too good for me.”_

 

“ _More like it is you who is too good for me.”_

 

She feels her lips tug into a rare smile and Nadira returns it. Squeezing at her fingers and shifting closer on her knees until she kneels between her legs. Hand held against her chest and Alta feels her heart beneath her skin. Feels the bone that protects it and she flattens her hand there. Absorbing her warmth, love and the promise of a still beating heart.

 

“ _I go where you go because I know that wherever you go is where I will call home. You are my home. You have always been my home.”_

 

“ _Could..”_ She pauses. Rare uncertainty filling her voice for a moment as she looks down into the eyes of the woman she loves. Being in Polis had reminded her of everything she'd given up when she killed her brother but it also reminded her of everything she'd gained in his death as well. She knows she never would have met Nadira if she hadn't done it. She knows she never would have gained a new family. She knows she never would have met Clarke and while his death is a dark mark in her story. It is also what helped build it and she realizes that even the darkest things in life had the chance to help make it bright again.

 

“ _Could?”_ She teases softly and Alta sighs.

 

“ _Could Polis be your home? It does not have to be if you do not like it but-”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _We- Yes?”_

 

“ _Yes. When we were moved here I could feel it in the energy around you that felt good about being here. That you were swimming in an ocean of memories just walking down the street. You may not have realized it but there was a little smile on your face. So small that if no one knew what to look for that they would not have seen it but I did. I saw it and I accepted that this place was home to you.”_

 

“ _Only because you were beside me.”_

 

“ _I love you too.”_

 

“ _You speak the words that make me feel as though I fly with the gods.”_

 

She rolls her eyes. _“If you want to kiss me then just-”_ She's silenced by a gentle kiss.

 

–

 

Lexa's bedroom is much the same as when Clarke had last been in it. Only a pair of boots out of place but it is her own that Lexa had yet to move. Her notebook still sat on a bedside table and pencil beside it. It still feels as though Clarke sleeps here but she doesn't. She wonders if she ever will again but she watches Lexa prepare for bed. Watches her speak to Couis in trigedasleng and him respond to her in his small voice. The boy accepting her help when he gets his arm caught in the sleeve of his shirt.

 

“ _I want a bath, heda.”_ He looks her in the eye when he speaks and Lexa nods.

 

“ _Go get the handmaidens.”_ He darts away shirtless and barefoot into the hallway outside but Lexa remains. Picking up his discarded clothes and for a moment Clarke is caught with the image of a motherly Lexa. She had once been awkward with him. They had both been but now Lexa seems used to him and it makes her feel warm inside. She wonders if Lexa realizes it herself but she keeps it to herself as Couis comes rushing back in. Smiling handmaidens in tow who prepare his bath as Clarke sits on the edge of the bed. “This won't take long, Clarke.”

 

“It's okay. I just wanted to spend a little more time with you if that's okay.”

 

“It's.. great actually.” Lexa offers her a small smile but she jumps when Couis hops into the tub beside her. Splashing water onto her and the floor but instead of scolding him she laughs. Kneeling and pushing his wet hair out of his eyes. _“Be good.”_

 

“ _Yes, heda.”_

 

Clarke watches them a moment before reaching out and picking up her notebook. Flipping it open to a clean page and sketching out the scene before her. Couis quietly letting Lexa wash his hair and letting out a small laugh when she accidentally tickles him. Asking him quietly if he would like to do something with his hair sooner or later and nodding when he says he wants to leave it like it is. He likes it getting longer Clarke gathers and she sighs softly when she glances up at them before looking back down at the page. Spotting a small droplet of bath water stain the top of the page but she doesn't mind it. It makes her feel a little more normal but she closes the book when Couis climbs out of the tub. He dries off when Lexa crosses over to a chest by the wall and pulls on the long shirt she gives him when she returns before climbing into her bed. Sitting in the very middle behind Clarke beneath soft sheets before yawning.

 

“ _Heda?”_

 

“ _Yes, little fawn?”_

 

“ _Is Clarke staying?”_ He asks and Clarke turns to face him. Damp hair brushed back by Lexa's fingers and eyes sleepy as he looks at her. Cheeks flushed from his earlier excitement and he reaches out to her. Extending himself to her in a way he had never done before and she wonders if he had missed her. That even in his shy ways he had grown to like her or even love her as he seemed to love Lexa. _“Heda misses you.”_ He speaks to her directly and Clarke looks up at Lexa before looking back to Couis.

 

“ _I have missed her too.”_ She scoots over the bed closer to him. Brushing a lock of hair that had fallen across his eyes behind his ear. _“I have missed you as well.”_

 

“ _Why did you leave? Why did you stop sleeping here?”_

 

“ _I..”_ She doesn't know how to answer him. How does she answer a boy who knows nothing of her past and may never know anything of it. How does she tell him that she worries for Lexa's safety. How does she tell him that without scaring him. How does she tell him that Lexa doesn't trust her like she once did without losing his trust as well. _“You see-”_

 

“ _She has been trying to keep everyone safe. She took over some of my duties so that I could come home and keep you safe every night.”_

 

“ _Oh.”_ He glances between Clarke and Lexa both as if he is on the edge of not believing them before lying back. The look in his eye telling her that he believes them enough to sleep. _“But now everyone is safe. Clarke can stay here again. She can sleep with us again, heda.”_

 

“ _You are right but that is still up to Clarke. We should not ask her to do something that she is not comfortable with.”_

 

“ _There are still things that I need to do, Couis. Still people that I need to keep safe but I will stay for a little while tonight.”_

 

He nods and accepts it wordlessly but after a moment he turns on his side to face Clarke. _“Would you tell me a story? Heda has tried but she is not very good at it.”_

 

“ _Hey now.”_ Lexa frowns playfully. Laying on the bed behind him and looking down at him while he hides half his face in the sheet. _“They are not that bad.”_

 

“ _Your bear sounds like a cow.”_

 

“ _I am sure Lexa is not that bad.”_

 

“ _Her horse tells a better story.”_

 

Clarke laughs but lies down beside him. Dangling her boots off the edge of the bed. _“One story.”_

 

“ _Okay but a long one.”_

 

“ _Okay, one long story.”_

 

“ _Okay.”_

 

Clarke hums to herself a moment. Laying her head on what had once been her pillow before she smiles to herself. Remembering the stories her father had once told her in order to get her to go to sleep. Remembering the voices he would make and how enthusiastic he got with them. Sometimes even bringing her mom into them just to see her smile and she sighs. Recalling a specific one before beginning.

 

“ _Once there was a boy..”_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Decided since I was already half way done with the next chapter to just go ahead and update. In no way did reading comments and rereading mom!Lexa convince me. No way, nope.


	46. Chapter 46

Lincoln listens to cries of birds above him. Listening to them bicker among themselves as he follows a hunting trail to the south. The sun had risen slowly as he rode. Awakening the forest around him and he hums to himself as he rides. He was still a good distance from the southern clans. Still on trikru land and he hesitantly guides his horse onto one of the main roads through the two clans. The birds in the trees still singing and he whistles out to them only to be greeted by the same sound moments later.

 

He pulls up in the middle of the road. Listening to the sound of approaching horses but he does not dare make another sound as they round a bend in the road. The first person one he does not recognize but the second he does. His heart skips a beat in his chest when he sees her. Hands shaking when he slides off the back of his horse in a hurry. Boots slipping in the loose earth beneath him but Octavia meets him first. Slamming into his chest and hugging him tightly around the middle. Face pressed into his chest and she lets out a soft laugh when he lifts her to spin her.

 

“ _You are alive.”_ He whispers once he's set her down. Cupping her cheeks in his hands. Warmth spreading through him when she lays her hands over his. _“Alive and still just as beautiful.”_

 

“ _Did you think I would come back ugly?”_

 

“ _No. Never.”_ He smiles and leans down to kiss her softly. _“Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere? What happened in the battle?”_

 

“ _Just across my shoulders but the yujleda healers helped me.”_ Octavia answers first and Lincoln presses his forehead against hers in a silent prayer to the gods. Giving them his thanks for keeping her safe. _“And the battle..”_ She begins, _“we were retreating but I got separated from Indra. I jumped into the river to escape but I got hurt anyway. I do not remember floating down the river but I woke up on the shore.”_ She turns to face the other person. _“She found me and pulled me out.”_

 

“ _You must be Lincoln.”_ The girl finally speaks. Leading Octavia's borrowed horse closer to them and Lincoln studies the girl. He looks a little like Ram in her facial features and he quickly realizes who she is. The last time he had seen her she was just getting her warrior. _“I am-”_

 

“ _Seven.”_

 

“ _You know me?”_

 

“ _Yes. I met you once on my travels. I watched your warrior be announced to you in Savannah.”_ He shakes his head. The gods had always worked in mysterious ways but this was a strange one indeed to him. _“Thank you.”_

 

“ _Nomon tried to kill her.”_

 

“ _Mae has always been a mean one.”_ Lincoln pulls Octavia into him again. Holding her warmly against his chest and resting his cheek against the top of her head. _“I missed you.”_

 

“ _I missed you too.”_ Octavia murmurs back against him before pulling back. _“But you have to tell me what happened to Indra.”_

 

“ _She is alive. Returned to Polis with the remaining army and many villagers. We beat back Nia's army and Nia has been killed. Heda Lexa and Clarke both survived and are in Polis.”_

 

“ _How was the final battle though? Were you hurt? How bad is the death toll? I need to know.”_

 

“ _I was not hurt but heda was although she is okay now.”_

 

“ _And Clarke?”_

 

“ _She is okay too.”_

 

“ _Good.”_ She draws back and looks up at Seven. _“We should go. Get on back to Polis.”_

 

“ _Yes.”_ Seven agrees and Lincoln studies them both before climbing onto his horse. Turning him around and pushing him to fall into step next to Octavia. Eyes glancing over the bandaging half hidden by her shirt.

 

–

 

Clarke wakes with a jolt. Sitting upright in Lexa's bed but finding herself alone among the sheets. Her body slow to become aware of her surroundings but she realizes that she isn't alone in the room. Lexa sits quietly on her couch. Book in her lap and eyes on Clarke's. Carefully watching her and Clarke draws in a deep breath. Letting the actual Lexa wash away the image of the one who she had stood over in her dreams ready to kill her. The pit fighter still saw her as an enemy. It saw her as the one that got away but Clarke herself didn't.

 

“Are you okay?” Lexa asks quietly, setting her index finger to keep her place but closing the book. Standing and crossing the room carefully. “Couis wanted to wake you but I told him no.”

 

“You should have.”

 

“You seemed peaceful.” She sits on the edge of the bed then. Book still in her hands and the look in her eyes seems to fade from cautious to content in the silence that lingers between them. “You're welcome to stay. I have nothing planned today except healing. Healers orders.”

 

Clarke looks her up and down. Finding the edge of the bandage wrapped around her thigh where her shorts had ridden up. A bruise across the back of one of her hands and a split lip. She is sure there is more but she can't see them. Clarke sighs, she wants to stay. Wants to accept Lexa's offer but she isn't sure just how comfortable Lexa would be with her staying in the room. There were no weapons but Clarke wouldn't need one to kill her if somehow the monster within took over.

 

“You don't have to.” Lexa breaks the silence but Clarke shakes her head. Knowing she should be honest with Lexa rather than keep anything to herself. It wouldn't help to rebuild the trust between them if she kept secrets. It would only widen the distance between them. “You-”

 

“I just-”

 

“You go ahead.”

 

“Thank you.. It's just that- I-” She isn't sure why she's nervous. This shouldn't be hard. It's Lexa and while she knows that not everything between them has been easy. She knows that this should be. This isn't about a battle or a war. This is about them. Just the two of them and Clarke gives herself a small nod of encouragement. “I don't want you to be uncomfortable if I stay. I want to stay but not if it throws off your day, Lexa.”

 

“You won't. I invited you to stay because I wanted you to stay. I wouldn't have asked if I were going to be bothered by you. I've missed you.. A lot actually. It's why Couis has been staying here more often in your absence. I got used to sleeping by your side. I got used to you being here when I fell asleep and when I woke up. It was hard to sleep without you. With Couis it was a little easier but never the same and I'm not trying to guilt you into sleeping here again. I'm just being honest with you.”

 

“I see..” Clarke can't deny that she hasn't missed Lexa as well. When she is beside her when she sleeps there seems to be fewer nightmares but when she is away they plague her throughout the night. “I don't want to hurt you.”

 

“You won't.”

 

“Then.. I'll stay.” Lexa visibly brightens. A small smile playing at her lips when she lays on the bed fully. Propped up by her pillows but there is still a space between them. The book still closed and Lexa's eyes on hers as if asking for some sort of permission. “What are you reading?”

 

“ _Cold Mountain,_ a book trader found it and brought it to me before the war but I never had the chance to start it.”

 

“What is it about?”

 

“About a soldier after a war. I haven't gotten too far into it yet.”

 

Clarke nods before a sudden thought comes into mind and she kicks off her boots onto the floor. Shifting to Lexa a little closer but she pauses. “Do you mind if I lay down next to you?”

 

Lexa smiles, holding out her arm to her and Clarke slips into the open space. Laying her arm over Lexa's waist and head on her shoulder. The warmth of her body spreading through Clarke's like a wave of peacefulness. The scent of wind and pine clinging to her skin but it's the feeling of her skin against Clarke's that pulls her into a dreamless sleep.

 

–

 

Ontre is near quiet when she walks it's streets. Ignoring the throb in her leg when she passes a deserted marketplace. In the days after Lexa's mission to assassinate the queen had turned the city into a place of mourning. In the wake of a monster's slaughter it held fewer people within it's walls but soon she hopes the people will return. Bjorn sent out riders to tell of the azgeda's new queen. Inviting them to the city for a celebration.

 

“ _Ontari?”_ Bjorn beside her speaks up when she pauses by the near empty guard barracks. _“I have sent for Lagetha and the other rebels. They will join us soon and refill the ranks but I have also sent out word to villages.”_

 

“ _Thank you.”_

 

“ _Sha, queen.”_

 

Ontari looks back at him and he seems to pause. Realizing his mistake in calling her queen. He knows she doesn't like it. Least of all from him. The man she rode with to take down Nia so long ago but failed. She doesn't like the reminders that she may become the woman her mother was and she breathes out a sigh.

 

“ _Any word from Polis? From heda.”_

 

“ _No.”_ He follows her when she moves. Making the walk back to the throne room to sit on the cold throne. _“I am aware of your recent relationship with Raven kom skaikru however..”_

 

“ _What of it?”_ She bites her lip. Being queen put her in a bad position. The people would never accept that she wanted a sky girl. They would only accept an azgeda. It was what they had always done. Azgeda did not love outside of their clan and if they did then they were exiled if caught. It was a cruel punishment but the old ones thought it would keep their clan pure.

 

“ _As.. Queen.. you are free to do as you please.”_

 

“ _As queen I must adhere to my people. You and I both know that they would never accept my feelings for Raven. They would riot in the streets and send assassins to my bed for my blood.”_

 

“ _But you are a new queen, in a new world created by heda Lexa. We are a part of the new coalition for gods sake. You-”_

 

“ _No.”_

 

“ _I have sent for her anyway. She will be arriving with the rebels.”_

 

“ _What?”_ Ontari spins to face him. Finding him set in his defiance and she frowns. A part of her is glad that he did it but another worries for Raven's safety.

 

“ _It is under the guise that you would like power in your city too.”_ That sets her back. Frown fading and she sighs. _“The city is empty anyway. Few know of your ascension to the throne. You have time to live and love before you become the center of more attention. You have time before more advisers join your ranks. You need to take this chance because you might not get another.”_

 

“ _Yeah..”_

 

“ _And you never know. The people may fall in love with Raven. Raven may fall in love with Ontre even. With you perhaps.. maybe she will want to stay.”_

 

“ _I do not think she will like it here.”_

 

“ _Why not?”_

 

“ _Its cold.”_

 

“ _And she is strong.”_

 

“ _Stronger than many.. Stronger than I.”_

 

–

 

Her nap lasts until a knock comes at Lexa's door. Lexa above her shifting as carefully and quietly as she can but Clarke is already awake. Lifting herself from Lexa's chest as the door opens. Lagetha stepping through but she freezes in the center of the room. Icy gaze flicking between Clarke and Lexa before she nods curtly to herself.

 

“ _Heda. The new queen of the north has sent for the rebels but also for Raven kom skaikru.”_

 

“ _Raven? Why Raven?”_ Clarke asks and the general looks down at her as Lexa stands by the bed.

 

“ _She has expressed interest in making Ontre more like Polis. Both with it's accepting ways and with it's power.”_ Clarke frowns. She knows Ontre. It doesn't get much sunlight. The sun almost always hidden by clouds. It sounds like a bullshit lie that Ontari had created to get Raven to Ontre and she slowly realizes that the pairs relationship went further than friendship if Ontari was willing to lie for her. _“I am only here to announce our departure, heda.”_

 

“ _And to take my friend.”_

 

Lagetha stares at her. Lips pressed into a hard line as if she's keeping something back before her shoulders rise and fall in a breath. _“I am only doing what my queen commands me to do.”_

 

“ _Have you even talked to Raven about this?”_

 

“ _She is next.”_

 

“ _And if she says no? What are you going to do?”_

 

“ _I-”_

 

“ _Force her?”_

 

“Clarke.” Lexa finally cuts in. Her voice low and filled with warning. Clarke frowns at her but she reads understanding in her gaze. She knows it wouldn't be right of Lagetha to force Raven into doing something she didn't want to do. _“If Raven says no then she stays. Regardless of the queen's commands.”_

 

“ _I am going with you to see Raven.”_ Clarke adds and Lagetha nods. Eyes on her body when Clarke bends to pull on her boots. The general falling into step behind her as they move to leave the room without Lexa. The commander letting out a barely audible sigh but Clarke is more worried about Raven right now. The cold of the north wouldn't treat her well and she knows it.

 

“ _This is not your place, wanheda.”_ Lagetha begins once they step onto the lift. _“You have no business in the queen's commands. You have no business denying her anything.”_

 

“ _And she has no business trying to force my friend somewhere that she does not want to be.”_ She shoots back at woman. _“Ontari is my friend too but I do not see why she needs Raven in Ontre. She knows as well as I do that Ontre gets very little sun. She knows that Raven's work would be pointless there and that tells me there is something else to it.”_

 

“ _It is their business.”_

 

Clarke pauses at that. The general is right. What happens between Ontari and Raven is their business. She has nothing to do with it and never will but she still doesn't want her friend to be forced anywhere. She shakes her head in thought.

 

“ _You are right.”_

 

“ _I know.”_ The lift stops and Lagetha steps off first. Clarke following her as they cross over to Raven's workshop. The general doesn't pause when she opens the door to step into the quiet room. Raven doesn't even look up at them but Zero lets out a quiet bark to welcome them. _“Raven kom skaikru.”_

 

“Yeah icy lady?” Raven looks up then from the circuit board she looks down on. “Kind of busy here so whatever it is you want you need to make it quick.”

 

“You've been called for.”

 

“Called for? By who?”

 

“Ontari, the new queen of the azgeda.”

 

“I know who Ontari is and I know she wouldn't like being called queen.” Raven mutters. Stepping back to sit on the edge of her bed. “She wants me to go north?”

 

“Sha.”

 

“But you don't have to if you don't want to, Raven.” Clarke cuts in and Raven looks her over before standing.

 

“Can you give us a minute icy lady?” She asks the general that looks at her in confusion before rolling her eyes and taking her leave. Closing the door behind her, leaving Raven and Clarke alone in her workshop. “So.. what do you know?”

 

“About what? I don't know anything. That's why I came with Lagetha when she came to Lexa to tell her about being called back up north.”

 

“I see..” She clears her throat. “Well, I'm not going to lie to you. I like Ontari. She's hot.”

 

“Well aware.”

 

“Hands to yourself. Finn was one thing but I'm not letting you get back in Ontari's pants.” Raven's gaze focuses on her knee but Clarke is frozen. Realizing that Ontari and Raven were together. Their relationship had definitely become more. They were no longer just friends. “Kind of came as a shock to me too when I realized that I didn't know what I'd do if I lost her. She's as important to me as you and Octavia are.. more even maybe. And.. if she's called me to the north then I'll go. She shouldn't be queen in the first place but she definitely shouldn't be queen alone.”

 

“I see.. you'd be going under the guise of powering Ontre though. A city that gets very little sun.”

 

“Ontari's smile is enough sunlight for me to work with.”

 

Clarke rolls her eyes but Raven laughs. “I hope you know how cheesy that was.”

 

“I do but she'd think it was cute.”

 

“Wouldn't be surprised..” She crosses her arms over her chest. Looking her friend up and down. “So you're going.”

 

“I am. She needs me.”

 

“Do you want me to ride up with you?”

 

“No, you should stay with Lexa. She was hurt in the battle wasn't she?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“She'll need you then. I can take care of myself.”

 

“You know the north is cold right?”

 

“Of course I do but I'm sure Ontari can keep me warm enough.” She smirks and Clarke chuckles.

 

–

 

Lexa reads over a recent report that came in from the south. Jotting down names of the new clan ambassadors that would be arriving in a few days time. The name Three sticks out to her in the fading glow of the sun behind her desk. An heir to the yujleda throne was an ambassador. An heir to the yujleda throne was a general as well. Another a scholar. One of the younger children of Ram and Mae a trader. It seemed as though all of their heirs had a place in the world. Even the youngest, Eight, had some idea of himself. The yujleda children were one she'd first struggled to get a grip on. Their naming made it easier though.

 

“You seem busy.”

 

Lexa looks up to find Clarke standing in the doorway to her study. One of the few rooms that Clarke had yet to be in. The one filled with personal things that belonged to Lexa as well as previous commanders.

 

“Not really. Just reading through reports.”

 

“Ah, I see.” Clarke steps in further. Closing the door behind her. “Maverik told me you were here. Also told me he's thinking of staying in Polis. He seems to think that maybe there is something in your library that could help his people instead of relying on the floukru.”

 

“There could be anything in those books. The last person we had to read through all of them died before I was born and since then we've added to it.”

 

“What was their name?”

 

“Lena. Her parents died in a battle with the trikru but the commander at the time took pity on the girl. Brought her here and she took a liking to the books as a goufa. Spent much of her time here. Taught the commander many things. Things that are passed on to new commanders now. Her time spent in the library enriched the commanders to come and still does.”

 

“She sounds like she was a hero of some kind.”

 

“She was and still is.” Lexa sets her pencil down on the surface of her desk. Leaning back in her seat as Clarke scans the room. This room was one of Lexa's favorite places and if Clarke grew to love it too then there would be no stopping the expansion of love she has for this woman. “Any word from Lincoln?”

 

“No, not yet.”

 

“And Raven?”

 

“Gone already. She and the rebels left at noon.” She sighs, “even Zero went with them.”

 

“You will miss him?”

 

“Yes. He has been with us since the war started. First with me then with Raven.”

 

“You will see him again.”

 

“Hope so.” Clarke sits down slowly in a chair before the desk. Meeting Lexa's gaze over the top before she relaxes in her seat. “Now what?”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“The war is over. The clans are coming back together or at least I assume they are. No one is riding out to face an army. Your allies are returning to their clans.”

 

“Ah. The coalition is still far from complete. Ontari will need to revisit Polis for the azgeda to formally join. Ambassadors from the southern clans will be arriving soon with new tokens in order to rejoin.”

 

“Tokens?”

 

“Yes. Along with the brand they bring me a token. It is a part of the old alliance system. A part I agreed to include in the new. Before the coalition a leader or general of a clan would take a token to the other to signify the alliance.” Lexa recalls their fight with the trishana when they had left to find allies. “Do you remember the piece of wood carved into the trishana symbol that we found? That was a token.”

 

“So when we ran into them they were looking for an alliance?”

 

“Most likely.”

 

“Interesting.. never learned things like that in the azgeda pits.”

 

“No day is complete without learning something new, Clarke.” She stands but is met with a sudden throb of pain in her thigh and she lowers herself back down into her seat under Clarke's worried gaze. “I'm okay. Just stood up too quickly.”

 

“Sure you did. Take off your pants.” Lexa watches her when she stands and rounds the desk. Confused by Clarke's sudden demand and she doesn't move as the blonde comes to a stop in front of her. “I want to check your wound, Lexa. Nothing else. So get that look off your face.”

 

“I.. Right.” She does as she's told. Standing slower this time and unbuckling her belt. Fighting to ignore the way Clarke looks up at her when she kneels on the floor. Struggling to ignore the fact that she's missed her in more ways than one when Clarke's warm fingers slowly unwrap the binding around her thigh.

 

“Are you okay?” Clarke asks. Blue eyes darting over her skin and the slowly healing wound. Scabbed over and rough to the touch. Still sore but also still uninfected.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Maybe you did just stand up too fast then.” Clarke looks up at her again and Lexa draws in a deep breath.

 

“You just wanted me to take my pants off.” Lexa teases softly. Pulling her pants back up but pausing before fixing her belt.

 

“Maybe.. I-” The door opens and Lexa looks over at the person who dares interrupt them. Finding a thoroughly confused boy as he takes in Clarke on her knees and Lexa with her belt undone. Clarke clears her throat and stands. Aware of what this must look like. “Yes, Maverik?”

 

“O- Octavia kom skaikru wants to see you both.” His ears redden before Lexa waves him away. The boy darting off down the hallway but leaving the door ajar.

 

“Did he say Octavia?” Clarke moves quickly to leave the room but she stops in the doorway. “Also, Maverik will be scarred for the rest of his life.”

 

“He will live.” Lexa moves to follow Clarke to the throne room. Quickly buckling her belt once again before they arrive. The blonde letting her pass first through the open doors but she rushes past Lexa to pull Octavia into a hug in the middle of the room. Lincoln studies Lexa as she ascends to sit on her throne. The girl near him does as well but her eyes widen when she takes in her heda and Clarke both. _“Welcome back, Octavia.”_

 

Octavia squeezes at her friend before drawing back to look up at Lexa. _“Thank you, heda.”_

 

“ _Who did you bring with you?”_

 

“ _Oh. This is Seven kom yujleda. I invited her to visit Polis.”_

 

“ _Heda Lexa it is an honor to meet you._ ” Seven speaks up. Her gaze turning to take in Clarke where she stands nearby. _“You as well, wanheda.”_

 

“ _Call me Clarke.”_

 

“ _Sha, Clarke._ ” Seven corrects herself and looks back up at Lexa. Excitement evident in the way her thumb rubs fast circles over the hilt of a knife at her hip. Weight shifting from foot to foot and she smiles awkwardly. _“Heda.”_

 

“ _Yes?”_

 

“ _Octavia invited me here because she knows of my fascination with Polis as well as you and wan- Clarke.”_ She swallows nervously before finally calming herself down. _“I would like to ask you for permission to become a Polis guard once I have completed my training with my warrior in Savannah.”_

 

“ _My head guard has control of who is accepted to train.”_ Lexa tells her, a look of rejection written in the girl's gaze but she doesn't even have a head guard anymore to give them the decision. She had yet to find one in the wake of Obe's death. She had once thought of giving Lagetha the position but she was called back to Ontre to fill the role of general. _“When you complete your training come back to Polis and you will meet with the head guard then. I can only promise you a meeting because only the greatest warriors join the city guard. I trust my head guard to make that decision.”_

 

“ _Sha, heda. I will return.”_

 

Lexa studies the girl as she stands back. Clarke looks up momentarily before taking her leave with Octavia and Lincoln. No doubt to talk about Octavia's most recent adventure beyond trikru land. Lexa sighs as the girl remains before standing. Making her way down to stop in front of her. Realizing the girl is unsure of what to do now that Octavia has left her.

 

“ _Come. I have some things that I need to do and I need someone to come with me.”_

 

“ _But, Clarke-”_

 

“ _She is busy it seems.”_ Lexa cuts her off and the girl nods. Falling into step behind her and remaining quiet as Lexa visits the healer to rebind her leg. The tailor next then the blacksmith but Lexa pauses outside of a quiet house on a quiet street. Herbs growing in the window and Seven looks at her in confusion as Lexa stands there. Unsure if she should knock or just go in. Unsure if she should even be there in the first place. Alta hadn't shown her any hostility after their first meeting so long ago. Neither of the two women had but this is different. This is asking Alta to consider taking the position of head guard once she has recovered.

 

“ _Wait here.”_ Lexa murmurs to Seven before she knocks on the door. Deciding to be polite rather than intrusive and she looks up when the door opens. Nadira staring at her in confusion before she steps aside to let her into the small room. The door closing behind her once she's inside.

 

“ _Heda Lexa.”_ Nadira motions for her to sit down at the table in the corner. _“I will get her.”_

 

“ _Thank you.”_

 

Alta appears after a moment. Fresh from a bath and a small knife in one hand and a mirror in the other. Still thin and still a little weak when she sits beside the cooking fire without a word to Lexa. The warrior shaves down the sides of her head before Nadira takes over to finish the rest. Standing at her back and cutting the remaining hair short before running her hands through it endearingly.

 

“ _What is it that you need, heda Lexa?”_ Alta finally speaks. Running her hands through her hair once Nadira has left her.

 

“ _I have come to ask you something.”_

 

“ _Ask.”_

 

“ _What are you planning to do now that the war is over?”_

 

“ _If heda will allow us to stay in Polis then we will stay here. Nadira has already begun to speak with herbalists around the city and some have agreed to work with her. A blacksmith has agreed to let me work alongside her as well.”_

 

“ _I see.. well, have you considered being a guard again?”_ Lexa watches gray eyes that fill with fire light but nothing else. Emotionless and cold as they sit quietly in the small room. Even Nadira at the window is silent. The minutes that pass feel like forever before Alta looks up to Nadira. The woman giving her a small nod of agreement before Alta looks back at Lexa.

 

“ _I will consider it.”_

 

“ _Would you also consider guard captain?”_

 

Alta folds her hands in her lap and looks at the floor in thought. _“You would give me such an honor? An exile, more importantly, such an honor.”_

 

“ _Yes.”_ Lexa sits up a little straighter to look her in the eye to prove her honesty. She would never want this legendary warrior to think that this is some kind of lie. _“You are a great warrior. You have come a long way since you were last a Polis guard. You stopped a war from happening. You-”_

 

“ _The war still happened, heda. You still fought the azgeda. People still died. I did not stop the war but I only slowed it down. I am sure that there are others who are more qualified for the position. I am sure there are others who are not as weak as I am still.”_

 

“ _You will not be weak forever and yes.. there are others but none of them are you.”_ She sighs, _“if you do not want it then I will understand. I will not force you into a position you do not want or even care for.”_

 

“ _I did not say that I did not want it.”_

 

“ _Then-”_

 

“ _I am still weak.”_ She admits forcibly. Surely tired of her own weakness and hating having to admit it. _“I need to recover before I can take it and in the mean time you need a guard captain.”_

 

“ _I will take over the duty until you recovered should you agree to the position.”_

 

“ _I would be a fool to reject it.”_

 

“ _You accept?”_

 

“ _Sha, heda. I accept.”_

 

Lexa nods and stands. Holding out her arm to Alta and the warrior stands to accept. Gripping her arm tightly before releasing and Lexa knows that in the time it takes for Alta to recover. That the city and the clans will have recovered as well. That by the time she and Clarke leave the city she will know that it's in good hands with Alta at the helm.

 


	47. Chapter 47

One Month Later

 

 

Ambassadors of all thirteen clans sit gathered in Lexa's throne room. All quiet as they await Lexa to begin but her gaze is focused on the newly appointed guard captain. Alta striding into the room with her returned weapon of choice at her back. Sent by Ontari when the new azgeda queen found it beneath her mother's former bed in Ontre. Alta comes to a stop beside Lexa's chair as Titus stands on her opposite side.

 

“ _Now we may begin.”_ Lexa leans forward in her chair. A small part of her apprehensive about announcing her trip through the clans. A little on edge about announcing that Clarke will be joining her. Many of the ambassadors before her know nothing of what happened in Ontre. Only the azgeda ambassador does and he was sworn to silence by his queen. _“With the coalition in full strength once again I have come to a decision. Some of you are unaware that when I first took the throne I made a journey through the clans and it is a journey that I intend to take once again. I will not be going alone however, wanheda is set to join me.”_

 

“ _And who takes the city in your stead, heda?”_

 

“ _My newly appointed guard captain of course.”_

 

“ _You mean the former exile.”_ The podakru ambassador shoots back at her with venom in his voice and Lexa frowns. Despite Viktor's ascension to the throne many of the podakru still despised the exiles. Even with Lexa's pardon in all of those who fought in the war. _“You place us in the hands of a murderer.”_

 

“ _I pardoned her for her crimes.”_

 

“ _And it changes nothing of her past.”_

 

“ _It may not but you will obey. I chose her for her strength. I chose her for her loyalty.”_ She explains to him in her calmest voice but a little anger still slips through. _“She proved herself in the war. She proved herself before she was exiled. She loves this city and it's people more than you ever would.”_

 

“ _She-”_

 

“ _Continue and it will not be her who kills you in this room this day.”_ She pulls in a calming breath. Glancing up at the warrior beside her who remains stoic despite the verbal assault. _“I trust her and so should you. I forgave her for her past and so should you.. our past does not define our future unless we give it the chance to do so.”_

 

“ _Sha, heda.”_

 

“ _Are there any other objections to my decision?”_

 

“ _No, heda.”_ Comes an array of voice. The podakru included and Lexa nods. Standing and thanking them for meeting with her on such short notice. It takes them a moment to leave but they finally do and Lexa reclaims her seat as servants come in to remove the table and chairs. One having to coax her up and out of hers to move to her throne.

 

“ _That was not something you had to do, heda.”_

 

“ _I will not let them bully you based on something you did so long ago.”_ Lexa looks up at the woman she had come to see as a friend in the past month. She was still the woman that Clarke looked up to as well. Still the woman whose advice she held close to heart. _“You deserve this chance to allow them to see you as what you are. Not what you were.”_

 

“ _The past cannot always be erased, heda.”_

 

“ _No but it can be hidden by the things you do today and further still.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _Now.. where is Clarke?”_

 

“ _Last I saw her she was on her way to see Nadira. She was needed in the gardens.”_

 

“ _A general who still must obey her nomon's when it comes to the gardening..”_ She chuckles to herself and Alta shrugs. The guard captain accepting her title despite Clarke's birth mother still living and breathing. _“Join me in finding her?”_ Lexa stands, studying the guard captain a moment before taking off.

 

“ _Sha, heda.”_ The warrior speaks before following.

 

–

 

The feeling of dirt beneath her nails and between her fingers fades as she works to weed out the garden under Nadira's supervision. The herbalist who owned this garden a much older lady. Hair a snowy white and skin wrinkled from her time in the sun. She has no idea of her name but she knows Clarke's well enough to yell it out from the shade of an oak tree. Nadira sitting beside her who tends to her needs and Clarke is about half sure that she only does it so the old lady gives her the old herbalist shop. She groans as she continues to work but looks up when she hears a horse snort.

 

“Lexa?” She calls out. Not at all surprised to find the commander outside of Polis walls but she is surprised to find Alta riding beside her. “What are you two doing here?”

 

“You missed the meeting.” Lexa replies. Sliding off her horse and approaching the garden before the old woman shouts at her to keep off the plants as if she is a goufa. Lexa lets it slide and keeps her distance from the plants. “I announced our plan to ride through the clans. You also missed the podakru ambassador trying to rile up our newest guard captain.”

 

“That man is an assh-” She glances at Nadira who glares at her. “He's a jerk.”

 

“I agree.. with both.” Lexa knees at the edge of the garden and Clarke watches her closely. Her leg had healed nicely but it still worried her at times. The skin still pink and soft from the last time they had gone to see a healer together. “We leave in the morning.”

 

“And go where first? I kind of want to go somewhere cool. This heat is killing me.”

 

“Azgeda?”

 

“Skipping the sangedakru and floukru?”

 

“Okay, the sangedakru then the azgeda.”

 

“Still skipping floukru.” Clarke points out and Lexa smiles at her but doesn't explain herself. She half suspects that Lexa knows what happened during the final battle for Polis. That Luna had attacked Clarke with intent to kill and if Clarke never had to see Luna again then she would be okay with it. She had no reason to return to the floukru at all actually. The remaining skaikru had returned to the destroyed Arkadia with intent to rebuild. The trikru were helping them but Clarke had yet to visit. “Sangedakru first it is then. I'm sure you would like to see just how much the floukru have helped them.”

 

“It will also give me a chance to explain Maverik's ideas to his nomon.”

 

“He wants to open a school in Polis. There is not much to explain there.” Clarke makes her way over to Lexa as she clears out weeds until she is right beside her. “Logan should be proud. He is making a difference in the world.”

 

“She still wants her little boy with her regardless.”

 

Clarke smiles, “speaking of little boys.. Couis seems to have made a new friend.”

 

“Oh? Is that so?”

 

“Yes. I saw him this morning playing with a little gray kitten.”

 

“Are you surprised? Zero is still up north with Raven.”

 

“Not quite but it just cement the fact that he loves animals and most animals seem to love him.”

 

“All except the little lizard he found.” Lexa reaches out suddenly to brush a lock of hair away from Clarke's face. “Your hair is getting long.”

 

“So is yours.”

 

“Trim before we leave tomorrow?”

 

“Only if I get to leave Couis with Nadira.”

 

“She will have him in this garden by midday.”

 

“That's the point. If he learns to do it then I won't have to when we come back.”

 

“ _Less talking! More working!”_ The old lady shouts at Clarke and she sighs before shooing Lexa away.

 

–

 

Lexa sifts her hands through damp, soft, blonde hair. Scissors laid beside her on an extra chair she had brought in. Clarke before her remains perfectly still. Silent except for the song she hums to herself as Lexa trims her hair. Strands of hair falling to lay on a soft towel at Lexa's feet. She knows if they had tried this a month ago that it wouldn't have worked out nearly as well. There would be a harsh tension in the air that threaten to cave in on them but over the past month they had slowly become comfortable with one another again. They still weren't the same as before Ontre but better and for that Lexa is grateful.

 

“Have I ever told you just how beautiful your hair is?”

 

“A few times.” Clarke murmurs. Her eyes closed in the mirror across from them. “It is long, it is soft and it is my greatest weakness. Your hair in the wind, your hair in the sun and in the rain weaken my knees but above all else it is your love that makes me kneel at your feet.”

 

“Did I say that?”

 

“Yes. You said it when the skaikru visited on their return to Arkadia. Monty gave you his moonshine then you decided to give me a rather poorly thought out poem about my hair.” Clarke meets her gaze in the mirror. “Not that I mind. It made me feel pretty. Even after you passed out in your bed with your boots still on.”

 

“I only remember waking up in said bed after you had risen.”

 

“I only stayed because I didn't want you to drown in your own vomit if you woke up.” She frowns and Lexa squeezes her shoulder lightly in thanks. “Anyway.. are you almost done?”

 

“Patience.”

 

“The sooner you finish, the sooner I get to do you. That mane of yours will be tamed somewhat by my hands.”

 

“Just not too short.”

 

“Of course.” Clarke falls silent a moment before speaking up again. “Have you spoken to Nadira about Couis?”

 

“I have. She and Alta agreed to take him until we return. However, Octavia overheard me and she said she and Lincoln would be happy to look after should Nadira and Alta need a break.”

 

“And with Lincoln he would draw but with Octavia they would run through the streets.” Clarke smiles, Couis had shown a little of an interest in her drawings some time ago but he mostly just drew in the dirt with a stick.

 

“He will be very happy and won't even notice our absence.” Clarke nods. One thing she had feared was Couis feeling as though more people he loved were abandoning him. He remembered his nomon leaving. Remembers how she has not come back for him and is certain that she is gone forever. “What's wrong?” Lexa pauses.

 

“Just thinking about Couis.. What if he thinks we're abandoning him too?”

 

“He does not think that and he never will.” Lexa comforts above her. Leaning down over her shoulders warmly. “He knows we love him. He knows we will always come back should we leave. He knows we are not like his nomon.” She smiles, “I heard him stop himself from calling you nomon just a few days ago.”

 

“What?”

 

“Yes. He was looking for you and he said 'where is no- Clarke, heda?' It was nice.”

 

“He still calls you heda.”

 

“He knows it is my title no matter our relationship. He is a very bright boy. He listens and learns. He is patient and respectful. He is a boy to be proud of.”

 

“You love him.”

 

“I do and so do you.”

 

“Yeah.. I do and he is ours. Blood or not he is ours.”

 

“I wholeheartedly agree.”

 

“Good.. now finish please.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Clarke watches her a moment in the sunlight that cascades in through the window beside them. The light playing on brunette curls and across her darkened skin from the sun. Dressed down in shorts, a torn tank top and barefoot in her room. She is beautiful in a thousand different ways and Clarke is glad that they are slowly coming back together. She is glad that the monster inside hadn't torn them so far apart that they would never heal and while she knows they are still a long way from okay. They are closer than they have ever been before.

 

–

 

Couis sleeps tucked into Clarke's side as Lexa rises from the bed. The sun just on the verge of rising outside of the window when she tip toes silently to leave the room. Dressed lightly with her boots in one hand before she makes it into the hallway. Silently ordering her guards to let the two inside sleep until they wake on their own. Lexa takes the stairs rather than the lift. Knowing the sound would wake Clarke before Lexa has had a chance to do what needs to be done.

 

The prison is much the same since Lexa was last there. The prisoner in question lying on her side but she wakes slowly when Lexa sends the guards away. Echo looks at her in disgust. Her clothes in tatters and hanging off her thin frame when she sits up. Chains scrapping the floor as she takes in the commander.

 

“ _What do you want?”_

 

“ _I have come to ask you something important.”_

 

“ _Spit it out so I can go back to sleep.”_

 

Lexa studies the former azgeda heir. Her hair lank from missed washing and skin marred by grime from the ground despite the straw bed she'd been given. This is no way for a war prisoner to live. Even after the war had been won. Other war prisoners had been returned to their clans but none were quite like an azgeda heir. A girl beaten and broken by her nomon then by her prison. A girl who would have once ascended despite the broken blood in her veins.

 

“ _How would you feel about returning to your home?”_

 

“ _I have no home. Nia destroyed it. Burned half the village with it.”_

 

“ _Then how would it feel to know that your village is in the process of being rebuilt.”_ Lexa lowers herself to sit on the floor outside of Echo's cell. _“Ontari made it a duty of hers to try and rebuild what had been destroyed in Nia's reign. Families and villages included. She has turned Ontre into an open city. It is no longer the fortress Nia made it into. The armies are growing with her new generals. The city fills with traders and common people every day.”_

 

“ _Ontari would never allow me to just roam free. She may be a fool but she knows to never let an heir roam free. Not an heir who could take her throne.”_

 

“ _I spoke to her when she came to rejoin the coalition. She voiced her thoughts about you.. and one of them was to set you free.”_

 

“ _Perhaps she may be dumber than I originally thought.”_

 

“ _She is merciful. Not dumb.”_

 

“ _Both go hand in hand.”_

 

“ _She is a good queen. The people love her.”_

 

“ _They love her weakness. They love that they know there are few things they will imprisoned for. They love that they can play her for everything she is worth.”_

 

“ _You do not like her.”_

 

“ _Her weakness forced me from my life and turned me into the warrior that I did not want to be. You know nothing of who I was before the war. You do not know of my nontu who raised me on his own. You do not know of the men and women who I loved and lost. You do not know of the peace I once knew which was only replaced by chaos.”_ She shakes her head. _“The only good I got out of that life was Ivan and knowing that I did have a nomon.. no matter how bad she was. I knew she existed and that silenced the ever lingering question in my heart about her.”_

 

“ _You have yet to answer my question, Echo.”_

 

“ _I would go home. I would return to the life I once knew but it will never silence or allow me to forget the things I have done.”_

 

“ _And you would be stronger for that past.”_

 

“ _Perhaps or perhaps it would make me weaker.”_

 

“ _Have a little faith in yourself and in the gods.”_

 

“ _The gods did nothing for me but thrust me into this life. They gave it to me with the guise of it being peaceful. They lied to me.”_

 

“ _The gods are mysterious beings.”_

 

“ _Sha, heda.”_

 

Lexa sighs before she stands. Brushing dust from the seat of her pants. _“At dawn you will be escorted to Ontre. From there Ontari has say over what happens to you.”_

 

“ _I see.”_ Echo looks up then. _“You should go. You have a journey ahead of you.”_

 

“ _How do you-”_

 

“ _Guards talk.”_

 

–

 

“ _Clarke.”_ A small voice whispers in her ear and she remains still. Pretending to be asleep a moment longer until she feels Couis begin to play with her newly cut hair. Small fingers snagging on a small knot and he lets loose a small gasp. _“Sorry.”_

 

“ _What are you doing little one?”_ Clarke asks him. Opening her eyes to find him hovering over her studying her intently.

 

“ _Your hair is shorter.”_

 

“ _It is. Do you like it?”_

 

He hums to himself in thought before he nods. _“Yes.”_

 

“ _Yours is getting pretty long too.”_ She brushes her fingers through his hair that nearly reaches his shoulders. “ _Do you like it long?”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _It's very pretty.”_

 

He beams, _“thank you.”_

 

“ _Where is heda?”_

 

“ _I woke up and she was gone.”_ He looks over at her pillow. _“I thought she would stay.”_

 

“ _Maybe she had something important to do.”_

 

“ _Maybe..”_ He trails off before throwing his arms around her neck and hugging her tightly. _“You and heda are leaving.”_

 

“ _We are.. is that okay?”_

 

“ _Will you come back?”_

 

“ _Yes. Always.”_

 

“ _Will I stay here alone until then?”_

 

“ _No. Heda spoke with Nadira and Nadira agreed to let you stay with her until we return.”_

 

He sits up and frowns down at her. _“She makes me help her in the garden.”_

 

“ _She is not as young as she used to be. She needs help now and then.”_ Clarke smiles to herself. Knowing Nadira would scowl at her if she heard her calling her old. If Couis tells her then the woman would never blame him for it. Never take it out of him but instead come after Clarke when she got back. _“Do not tell her I said that. She will punish me.”_

 

He giggles and leans down to bury his face in her neck. Hugging her tightly but he looks up when the door to the room opens. Immediately jumping off the bed when he spots Lexa returning to them. Launching himself at her and she grabs him. Squeezing him to her chest tightly before setting him back down.

 

“ _You were not here!”_ He shouts at her. Hands on his hips and Clarke stifles her laugh at his reaction to Lexa. _“Where were you!”_

 

“ _Out.”_ Lexa frowns at him. Mimicking his stance and lowering her head closer to his. _“What you going to do about it?!”_

 

“ _Fight you!”_

 

“ _Oh, fight me huh?”_

 

“ _Yes!”_

 

“ _Okay, fight me little fawn.”_

 

“ _I am no fawn!”_

 

“ _What are you then?”_

 

“ _I am a wolf!”_ Lexa breaks then. Smiling at him and he giggles in response to her smile. _“I will miss you, heda.”_

 

“ _I will miss you too, little fawn.”_

 

“ _Will you and Clarke bring me something back?”_

 

“ _Of course. What would you like?”_

 

“ _Just you.”_ He admits softly and Lexa kneels before him. Cupping his cheeks softly as Clarke stands up off the bed. Padding toward them quietly. _“Just you, heda.”_

 

“ _You have me. You have me as long as I hold my spirit. You have me beyond that still.”_

 

“ _Promise?”_

 

“ _Promise.”_ He nods and hugs her again. Clinging to her when Lexa stands. His little hand reaching out for Clarke when she appears at Lexa's shoulder. _“You have both of us.”_

 

“ _Promise?”_

 

“ _Promise.”_ Clarke answers him alongside Lexa's nod. _“We love you.”_

 

“ _I love both of you too.”_ He squeezes at Clarke's hand a moment before he draws back in Lexa's arms. _“If I am going to stay with Nadira.. can Basi come with me?”_

 

“ _Basi?”_

 

“ _My kitty.”_

 

“ _I am sure your kitty will be welcomed too.”_

 

“ _Good.”_ He pushes against Lexa's chest and she sets him down. Letting out a sigh when he scrambles from the room barefoot and still in his pajamas.

 

“We need to catch him. At least get him dressed.”

 

“We? You aren't even dressed yet.” Lexa points out with a smile. “Get dressed. I'll catch him.”

 

“Yes, heda.”

 

–

 

“Shit!” Her voice carries over the still sand dunes. She won't say she's lost because she isn't lost. Climbing out of the city beneath the sand had been easier the second time around and she isn't lost. She does not get lost. Least of all in this gods forsaken desert. The sun above her shifts slowly in the sky and she scowls at it. It's rays heating the sand and her exposed skin as she strikes out in the opposite direction of which she'd come. “Not lost!”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.” She replies sharply to the figure that walks beside her. His face hidden by cloth to keep the sand from his hazel eyes. “You seem rather lost.”

 

“Not lost.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“I-” Mars looks at him then but finds nothing where he had just been. Even his footsteps missing from the sand and she sighs before dropping to sit on the sand. “Not lost. Not crazy either.”

 

“Only one of those statements is correct.” The man speaks again but this time behind her. “You are lost, little one.”

 

“Not lost. Not little either.”

 

“You are little to me.” He replies as Mars studies him in earnest. He's dressed rather strangely. Somewhat similar to something she had picked up in the city beneath the sand and she pulls it from her pocket. Eyeing the image in her hand that feels smooth beneath her thumb then looks back up but he's gone again.

 

“Come back.” She calls out but she receives no response. Only the wind blowing over the sand and she stands. “Hey!” She shouts, “come back!”

 

“No. You come here.” The voice calls out to her across the sand and her shoulders sag. He isn't real. He can't be real. He is the person in the image. Dressed in the same clothes except for his face hidden by cloth. She isn't sure why or how she even sees him but she does. Maybe he is some gift from the gods to get her to safety. Maybe he is a spirit left to wander the ground forever. Maybe he is even a god. “Are you coming or not?”

 

“What are you?”

 

“What am I? What do you mean, little one?”

 

“You..” She looks down at the image again and frowns. Questioning this will get her nothing. It will not help her. She is already lost and this.. creature.. is trying to help her. The least she can do is not question it or it's existent but simply trust in it. She has nothing to lose. “Nothing. What is your name?”

 

“If I tell you mine then you will tell me yours?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I have many names little one. None you would recognize. I was of the old world. Forgotten in time as I was no longer needed.” He smiles when she reaches him. “My name is ever changing. My name changes within every man, woman and child, even the beasts have a new name for me every so often.”

 

“But that's not telling me your name.”

 

“I was getting to it, little one.” He continues to lead the way and Mars follows. “For all of the different names I have been given I have always carried the same name for myself.”

 

“Which is?”

 

“You.”

 

“What?”

 

“You.”

 

“That doesn't make any sense.”

 

“I am real. As real as you are now. The image I take is of the image you hold in your hand. I am no spirit left to wander the ground forever. I am no gift from the gods for I am you.”

 

“You're me?”

 

“I am you and you are me.” He pauses to look back at her and Mars studies him in confusion before nodding. “Now.. come along. We are almost there.”

 

“Almost where?”

 

“You'll see in a moment.”

 

He walks and she follows. Everything he'd said still swimming through her thoughts but she freezes when he suddenly disappears at the top of a dune and she runs to the spot. She stops at the top and lets out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. The city of Oston sat in the distance but she looks over her shoulder at the desert. Finding it empty behind and she turns to face the city once more. Finally safe and no longer lost in the sand.

 

–

 

Snow falls gently from the cloudy sky above as she stands in the center of an empty pit. The stands cold and barren. Snow covering the once filled seats and she knows the decision to close Otta will not be a popular decision with the people but in the long run things would be better. Otta will no longer have the chance to turn the kindness of people into darkness. A dark mark in many people's past will be forgotten. The people will forgive and forget as time went on.

 

“ _The guards who once made their lives here have been given positions in your armies.”_ Bjorn speaks up behind her as he crosses the snowy ground. Boots crunching in the ice but he stops when Ontari turns to face him. _“I have given the order for the doors to be sealed.”_

 

“ _Good. The people will forget soon enough.”_

 

“ _Some are angry already.. others are not. Some are grateful that the pits are being closed down. They lost loved ones in this place. Some had their lives completely ruined by it..”_

 

“ _I know. I know of one person in particular who has suffered because of this place.”_

 

“ _Wanheda.”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

“ _Will you tell her of this decision?”_

 

“ _I will then that will be the end of it.”_

 

“ _Good.”_ He looks up at the seats. _“Raven has asked that you return to Ontre.”_

 

“ _Is she okay?”_

 

“ _Yes, I believe she misses you however. Your tour of the villages has been a long couple of weeks.”_

 

“ _This was our last stop.”_

 

“ _Yes.”_

 

“ _Send a rider ahead to inform her that I will be home soon or better yet.. I will ride ahead to tell her myself.”_ She smiles to herself and Bjorn rolls his eye.

 

“ _Come on then lover girl. Let's get you back home to your star.”_

 

“ _Have you been talking to her too? I am sure she would not appreciate being called a large ball of gas.”_

 

“ _It is my revenge for her calling me the one eyed man.”_

 

“ _Every one is given a special nickname. You know that.”_

 

“ _Lagetha is the ice lady. You are ice cube and I.. am one eyed man.”_

 

“ _You love it.”_ She leads the way out the arena, chuckling when she hears him sigh heavily.

 

–

 

They don't get to leave at dawn but rather closer to midday. Couis studying Lexa hard as Clarke talks to Nadira before the older woman shoos her away. A number of people came out to see them off. A duo of warriors holding onto their horses quietly. Couis' silence is what worries Lexa the most through. She knows he's afraid. Afraid that they won't come back to him and that he is being left behind all over again. A part of her wants to cancel the trip altogether but she kneels in front of him instead. Glancing at the little gray cat that stares at her through yellow eyes.

“ _We will be back before you know it.”_

 

“ _Promise?”_

 

“ _Promise.”_ Lexa draws him into a hug. Drawing back when Clarke kneels beside him too. The boy immediately throwing himself into her arms as the cat meows at him impatiently. _“You be good okay? Behave for Nadira and Alta.”_

 

“ _Sha, heda.”_

 

“ _Couis.”_

 

“ _Sha?”_

 

“ _Call me Lexa.”_

 

“ _But-”_

 

“ _You are not just my subject, little fawn. I love you as my own. So call me Lexa.”_

 

He nods, _“sha.. Lexa.”_

 

“ _Good. I love you and we will return in a few months, okay?”_

 

“ _Okay.”_

 

His voice is soft and it breaks her heart to stand. Even Clarke beside her seems to consider stopping the trip altogether but then they are on their horses. Weapons strapped to their saddles and Clarke's bow over her shoulders. The gates before them open and the slowing recovering forest from the numerous battles beyond Polis walls swaying in the warm breeze. Riding through the gates makes her feel nothing but regret and guilt but she turns her horse to look back through. Finding Couis in the crowd standing beside Nadira. Form rigid and strong as if he is determined to be okay with this.

 

“I'm proud of him.” Lexa murmurs. “He is a good boy.”

 

“He is amazing.” Clarke replies, holding out her hand to Lexa and Lexa takes her hand warmly. “Like his father before him. Like his heda.”

 

“Like you as well.” Lexa looks over at her. Sunlight playing across her exposed arms and in her braided hair. The past month hadn't been the easiest. It had had its rough moments. Moments where Lexa would wake from a nightmare that featured Clarke in a way she never wanted to see her in again. Moments where she would jump when Clarke got a little too close too quickly. Clarke had them too. Nightmares where she killed Lexa and they would sit up through the night in the silence because neither could sleep.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

Lexa squeezes at her hand, “yes. Are you?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Are you ready for this?”

 

“I am.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally this was intended to be the final chapter but over the weekend I decided that it didn't feel like the final chapter. The next chapter is not yet finished so I can't say if it will be the final chapter but I do know that it will more than likely be the longest yet. I know that because it has to do with the 'trip' and I still haven't gotten them out of the sangedakru. If it becomes too long then I will cut it half. In regards to plot, that is over and done with. The only thing remaining is the clexa.


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are! The final chapter! As well as by far the longest for this fic!

Lexa hums to herself as they ride northeast and Clarke listens silently. Amused by the way birds seem to join in with Lexa as if they are in some old world cartoon movie. Seeing Lexa outside of the war is heartwarming. All she had ever known of the commander was war. One after the other until this moment of peace that she hoped lasted. She was not sure she could last through another war. Wasn't sure any of the thirteen clans could. The only thing she was sure of however, was that Lexa would survive.

 

“You are very quiet.” Lexa's voice pierces through her thoughts and Clarke looks over at her. “Are you okay?”

 

“I am, are you?”

 

“Yes.” Lexa guides her horse closer to Clarke's. Boots bumping before she holds out her hand. Clarke takes it after a moment. Squeezing at her warm fingers as her worries are forgotten. “What were you thinking about?”

 

“You mostly.” She looks back out at the road they follow. “I have never known you outside of a war. I have only known you within one and in the small moments of peace that barely seemed to exist in those wars.”

 

“I see..” She tugs on Clarke's hand to get her attention and she sighs before looking back at her. “This journey is a chance for more than gaining our trust in one another then. It is a chance for us to learn one another in a time of peace.”

 

“I feel like I already know some of you. I know you like to read. I know you even put a book in one of your saddle bags.” She smiles as Lexa's mock confusion. “ _Cold Mountain_ , to be exact.”

 

“I have yet to finish it.”

 

“How far are you now?”

 

“Barely into chapter two.” Lexa lets go of her hand long enough to dig the book out from her saddle bag. “So far, so good.”

 

“Read it to me?” Clarke asks quietly. Meeting Lexa's eye and for a moment she thinks she'll say no but Lexa nods. Flipping to the beginning before Clarke stops her. “From where you left off.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.”

 

“Okay.” She flips back and after a moment she begins. Guiding her horse with her knees and eyes focused on the faded pages. Her voice remaining steady and strong but she has to stop as night begins to fall. The flow of the river beside them quiet and surface filling with the reflection of the stars when they finally stop beside it. Stopping just short of a natural crossing and Lexa puts the book away.

 

“You have a beautiful voice, Lexa.” Clarke tells her as she lights a small fire by the river's edge. Coaxing it to life before adding wood to it. “Couis lied to me when he said it was terrible.”

 

“I'm not sure who he learned to lie from exactly.” Lexa drops next to her. Offering her dried meat rather than disappearing into the woods to hunt. “Mars is not in Polis so it wasn't her.”

 

“Ax, maybe? Or even Octavia.” She forces herself not to think of the still missing Mars.

 

“Ax has little to do with the goufa but I have seen her a few times with Couis. Mostly the boy's doing. I think she makes him curious. As for Octavia.. I would believe it her more than anyone else.”

 

“I won't tell her that you called her an influential liar.”

 

Lexa laughs softly, leaning into Clarke's side. “I don't think you would tell any of my secrets.”

 

“Never.”

 

“Thank you,” she leans down and kisses Clarke softly on her forehead. “Get some sleep. We have a long ride ahead of us at dawn.”

 

“You need sleep too, Lexa.”

 

“Someone has to keep watch.”

 

“Wake me when the moon is at it's highest peak then.”

 

“Okay.” Clarke knows she won't but she leans into her shoulder anyway. Hand twisting in the material of her thin, loose shirt. Anchoring herself and hoping her nightmares remain at bay tonight before she drifts off.

 

–

 

The desert spreads wide and windy before them when they finally stop at it's edge. Lexa beside her already adorning her goggles and covered by a thin wrap to keep the sand at bay. Clarke shifts in her saddle. Dressed much the same as Lexa before she nods at her to confirm she's ready to begin the crossing. Clarke hadn't forgotten how much she had hated her first crossing in the desert but this time it makes her hate it even more. The wind is harsher and she half wishes they had gone to the floukru first. Riding a boat with the ever hateful Luna would be better than this.

 

She's grateful when they finally see the first few crumbling walls of Oston. Pushing her horse to move faster once the main walls appear and Lexa follows her cautiously. Neither slowing until they are beyond the walls and suddenly surrounded by sangedakru warriors. Minutes after they had dismounted came Logan. Hair wild as if she had just braved the sand and wind herself.

 

“ _Heda?”_ She whispers out in confusion before Lexa removes her goggles and pushes back her hood. _“Heda Lexa!”_

 

“ _Logan.”_ Lexa sweeps sand from her hair that had managed to sink in despite her clothes. _“I-”_

 

“ _How is Maverik? Is he okay? He is not hurt is he?”_

 

“ _No, no. Maverik is fine.”_ Lexa touches the other leader's hand that extends to grab her shoulder. _“He is fine. All is fine. He is happily living in Polis.”_

 

“ _Then why are you here if he is okay?”_

 

“ _Clarke and I decided to ride through the clans long before the war was over and now that it is we are doing it. That is all. We are just passing through.”_

 

Logan nods in understanding. Looking at Clarke then back to Lexa before nodding. _“I see.. you are just in time then.”_

 

“ _In time for what?”_ Clarke cuts in and Logan smiles warmly.

 

“ _I planned a farewell celebration for the floukru who leave tomorrow. They have fulfilled their duties in teaching my people and to show them how thankful we all are. I decided to send them off graciously.”_

 

“ _I see.”_ Lexa nods, _“I am not sure how long we will stay but-”_

 

“ _You must at least stay for the celebration. You will be well fed.”_

 

Lexa glances at Clarke first and she nods in agreement before Lexa turns back to Logan. _“We will stay then. The new azgeda queen will not mind if our arrival is delayed.”_

 

“ _Good! I will even have my warriors escort you to the border when you leave.”_ Logan claps her hands together in excitement. _“Come, we will find you a place to stay for your visit.”_

 

“ _Thank you, Logan.”_

 

Logan leads them through streets on foot. Sand brushed aside by her boots and she talks excitedly about the things the floukru had helped with. Talking about how her fishermen were much more adept in their chosen trade. How her people were stronger and livelier than they had been before. Even the red street had seen dwindling numbers and it was something Logan seemed more excited about than anything else. She talks and walks until they come to a building sat near the ocean. The sound of water lapping at it's shores in the distance as she opens the door.

 

“ _Before the coalition this building was used for riders who came asking for peace between our neighboring clans but since then I have turned it into a place for my guests. It is quiet here mostly. The back windows look out to the water.”_ She explains as she walks across the stone floor to throw open the curtains over a window in the back. Casting light across the dusty floor and the scent of the ocean washes over them. _“I hope this is sufficient for your stay.”_

 

“ _It is perfect. Thank you, Logan.”_

 

“ _Of course, heda.”_ She bows slowly before straightening up. _“I will send handmaidens to fill bathes for you.”_

 

“ _No need. I can take care of it.”_ Clarke cuts in and Logan looks at her a moment before nodding.

 

“ _I recommend boiling the water from the ocean before you wash in it.”_ Logan makes her way back to the front before pausing. _“I invite you both to dine with me tonight before the celebration tomorrow.”_

 

“ _We accept.”_ Lexa speaks with a glance at Clarke and Logan nods before leaving. Closing the door behind her. Leaving the two of them to stand in silence a moment. “What good timing we have.”

 

“So it would seem.” Clarke watches Lexa sit in a chair by the window before she begins to explore the large room they stand in. Studying the cleaned out brick oven before turning and finding a backdoor. “Bath?”

 

“Only if you will allow me to prepare yours.”

 

Clarke smiles, “of course, Lexa.”

 

Clarke steps through the backdoor and finds that the ground outside slopes down to the water. A bronze tub set on the covered porch as well as a cleaned fire pit and stacked wood beside it. Buckets carefully piled nearby and she hums to herself as she bends to undo the laces on her boots. Only looking up when Lexa follows her outside with her chair.

 

“This may take a little while.”

 

“I don't mind.”

 

“You are always welcome to help you know.”

 

“I may do just that.”

 

Clarke doesn't mind the work that it takes to fill the tub but she pauses when Lexa begins to undress. Unable to take her eyes off of her. The air suddenly a little bit warmer around her as Lexa takes off her boots and pants. She wonders just how long it had been since she last touched her. The days before and after the incident at Ontre seemed to blend together so messily that she can't remember. Watching Lexa slip into the hot water and sigh loudly fills her with a certain need to touch her again despite all of her fears of doing so.

 

“Clarke?” Lexa speaks up finally. Hands in her hair and slowly unraveling her braids. “Are you okay?”

 

“I.. I'm fine.” Clarke sits in Lexa's abandoned chair as another bucket of ocean water boils. Cautiously edging her chair closer until she has to spread her legs to sit just behind Lexa to help her unravel the braids she can't reach. “Are you okay? I'm not too close am I? You-”

 

“I would want you closer if you agreed to it.” Lexa cuts her off softly. Wet fingers smoothing over the lips of the tub on either side of her but she doesn't look back at Clarke. “I will not ask you to do something that you aren't ready to do.”

 

“I.. are you sure?”

 

“I am but only if you-”

 

“I am.”

 

She pauses when she scoots back to stand. This feels vaguely familiar and it takes her a moment to recognize why but she knows that this is different. This isn't like the first time when she and Lexa shared a bath. This is something deeper. Something that means so much more between them. A sparked need for a deeper trust to build driving her forward as she strips off the rest of her clothes and settles in the warm water between Lexa's thighs.

 

“I have missed you.” Lexa whispers in the crook of her neck as her arms circle her waist and Clarke knows she misses her in a deeper sort of way. Not in the way of her physical body but in the way of the intimacy that had been absent between them since Ontre. In the long moments that pass as they sit quietly in slowly cooling water are the moments in which Clarke feels whole. The missing piece of herself she had given Lexa suddenly there once more.

 

“I've missed you too, Lexa.” Shes kisses the back of her hand as they continue to lay there. Lexa's hands soft against her skin as she suddenly shifts to lay her cheek against the back of Clarke's head. “What are you doing?”

 

“Nothing.” Lexa murmurs almost sleepily. “I have just truly missed you.”

 

“And yet you sound as if you're about to fall asleep.”

 

“You are warm and soft.” Lexa kisses her hair. “So warm and soft that you make me want to sleep.”

 

Clarke shakes her head with a soft smile. “Let's get out of here and into bed then. You can nap for a few hours before the dinner with Logan.”

 

Lexa nods rather than speak and she reluctantly let's go of Clarke to allow her to stand. Clarke freezes the moment she is out of the water and out of Lexa's embrace. The familiar feeling returning once more. As if Lexa has taken away that piece of her once again and she frowns to herself as the feeling. Realizing that not everything is okay just yet. Soon, but not yet.

 

–

 

Logan's messenger leads them to a monstrosity of a building. Built from the remains of grounded planes. Clarke recognizes them from pictures in books on the ark. She realizes that Logan's throne room is not apart of this building but that this building is Logan's home. It's quiet aside from the sound of the wind blowing in through holes in the roof. The smell of ocean and fish meeting her the moment they step into the room that Logan uses to eat in.

 

“ _Welcome!”_ She speaks loudly when they enter. The leader rising from her seat and motioning them to sit on her right as servants bring out food. One look at Lexa as they sit tells her that the commander is less than pleased about eating fish. _“It is a great honor to dine with heda Lexa.”_

 

Lexa remains silent and Clarke frowns. _“Excuse heda, she is still tired from the ride but we are thankful for your invitation.”_

 

“ _I understand completely.. but I must ask her. How is Maverik really? He sends a rider that says he will be staying in Polis for an unseen amount of time. What is he doing? Has he met someone? Has he decided to become a warrior and is taking the opportunity to train with the Polis guard?”_

 

Lexa shakes her head, _“he has opened a school.”_

 

“ _What?”_

 

“ _After you left Polis he found the library and from the library he learned many new things. Things he thought the people should know so he opened a school. He has recruited others who learned from him and they are teaching goufa before they decide what trade they decide on or before they decide to become gona.”_ She picks at the food in front of her. _“He even teaches some of the natblida. Many of them having shown an interest in learning new things and I have allowed it. The commander should not just be a great warrior but also knowledgeable.”_

 

“ _I.. I see.”_ Logan is quiet for a moment before she smiles. _“The people accept him for this?”_

 

“ _Yes. Some nomon join their little ones for his classes even. Small crimes that some older goufa may commit have dropped in numbers due to them being too busy in the classes to commit them. Many have come to me to thank me for allowing him to do this.”_ She glances at Clarke then back to Logan. _“I am grateful for what he has decided to do.”_

 

“ _I worried for him when I left him there. Worried he would not be happy. Worried he would be left with nothing to do. Worried the people would not like him because he is a scholar and not a warrior as is expected of a leader's child but you have silenced my worries.”_

 

“ _He stepped onto the path the god's designed for him.”_ Lexa says quietly and Logan nods.

 

“ _But he has not found someone?”_

 

“ _As far as I know he has not but I am sure he will. He is a handsome boy, bright and loyal.”_

 

“ _Just like his nontu.”_

 

Dinner remains quiet after that and Clarke studies Lexa in the flickering light of the candle in front of them. Still picking at the fish and only eating the vegetables until the servants take it all away. Logan wordlessly stands and motions for them to follow her until they come to a stop outside of her home.

 

“ _Before you go there is one last thing that I must speak to you about.”_ She looks up the path that leads into the city as if she is waiting for someone before looking back to Lexa. _“When you brought gona to Oston is order to beat back the azgeda from entering my city. One of the warriors with you disappeared into the desert. An exile to be exact, although I suspect she is no longer an exile now.”_

 

“ _Wait.”_ Clarke cuts in. Looking at the sangedakru leader when the woman gives her a glare. _“Is Mars alive?”_

 

“ _Yes. She wandered in from the desert a couple of days ago. She has spent her time recovering with my healers but I've sent for her. She has just yet to arrive..”_ The leader mumbles with a frown and Clarke looks to Lexa. “ _I will send her to your quarters in the morning if that is acceptable.”_

 

“ _Yes, Logan.”_ Lexa nods before holding out her hand to Clarke. _“We will go then. Thank you for the dinner.”_

 

“ _Thank you for coming.”_

 

–

 

Morning greets Lexa to blonde hair fanned out across the pillow beside her. Clarke spread to take over more than half of the bed. Still so deeply asleep that even the loud birds outside of the window beside the bed doesn't wake her. The moment Lexa moves to slip out of bed is the moment Clarke stirs however. Hand wrapping around Lexa's wrist and keeping her in place. She sighs but resigns to remaining beside Clarke in the bed. Studying the golden light in her hair and playing across her skin. It's something she's seen many times but this is somehow different. Her heart swells with warmth as she leans down to kiss her cheek softly. Fingers playing in her hair to slowly rouse her from sleep.

 

“Hodnes?”

 

“No.” Clarke murmurs and Lexa rolls her eyes. Pressing another kiss to her forehead then to her nose. Smiling at the frown that skews soft, pink lips. Lips she wants to kiss but she lingers before doing so. Meeting blue eyes that peer up at her. “What are you doing?”

 

“Thinking.”

 

“About?”

 

“Kissing you.”

 

“I wouldn't object but only if you want to.”

 

“Are you sure? Because I'm sure and I want to.”

 

“Yes.” Clarke sits up. Propping herself up on her elbow and pulling Lexa closer by her wrist. “Kiss me.”

 

“How could I ever say no to you.”

 

“You can't.”

 

“You're right.” Lexa sighs, trailing her fingers along Clarke's jaw before leaning in slowly. Glancing one last time into her eyes before closing the distance and kissing her softly once. She pulls back but Clarke chases after her. Kissing her once then again a little harder. The hand on Lexa's wrist pulling her closer until Lexa lays on top of her. Lips connecting in a kiss that melts Lexa's heart. Lips connecting that reminds her just how much she has missed the taste of Clarke. Just how much she has missed the feel of her love and warmth but too soon Clarke is pulling back. “Is something wrong?”

 

“No. Never.” Clarke murmurs before pulling Lexa into a hug. “I would lay in this bed all day if it meant your lips on mine but I heard the door open.” She whispers into her ear and Lexa feels her heart sink. “We should get up and see who it is.”

 

“If I can get them to leave sooner rather later can we come back to this bed and pick up where we left off?” Lexa sits back and Clarke laughs softly.

 

“Maybe. If you're good.”

 

“Aren't I always?”

 

“Most of the time.” Clarke sits up and kisses her one last time before pulling away. “Now come on. Get dressed.”

 

“If I must.” She watches Clarke a moment. Studying her form as she pulls on her pants that she discarded at the end of the bed before standing herself. Pulling on her own clothes and leading the way into the main room of the guest quarters but she freezes when she finds Mars sitting in a chair by the window. _“Mars?”_

 

“ _Oh.. hi, heda.”_ Mars stands and Lexa takes in the warrior. She's thinner than before. Skin darker from the sun but she is much the same as before. Small smile on her lips and gray eyes curious as she takes in Clarke when she appears beside Lexa. _“Damn, I missed you two finally admitting your feelings.”_

 

“ _You disappeared into the desert, Mars._ ” Clarke crosses the room to hug her. _“Find what you were looking for?”_

 

“ _I found the city beneath the sand if that's what you're talking about. I found a piece of myself that made me question if I were crazy or not too.”_ She digs into the pocket of her pants to pull out a piece of thick paper. “ _And this.. what is this?”_

 

“ _It's a photograph.”_ Clarke explains and Lexa approaches her. Studying the image over her shoulder. Lexa has seen one before. Found in a box that a trader had brought into the city but it had had many more people than this one. _“What else have you found in the city, Mars?”_

 

“ _Many things in the city are destroyed. Only some buildings still stand. They make spaces where you can walk but other places are blocked by earth. I found that in one of the buildings in a new section of the city I had not been in before. I found a few books too. A toy of some sort that crumbled in my hands when I picked it up.”_ She takes the photograph back with a frown. _“I do not think it will stand much longer.”_

 

“ _It's a city beneath the sand.. gravity will destroy it.”_

 

“ _Gravity?”_

 

“ _Uh.. That's something for Raven to explain. She would explain it much better than I could.”_

 

“ _Raven is in Polis?”_

 

“ _No, Ontre.”_

 

“ _What?”_

 

“ _The war is over, Mars.”_ Lexa cuts in, _“Nia was killed and in her place Ontari took the throne. Raven is currently in Ontre to power the city like Polis is.”_

 

“ _Sounds like shit but okay.”_ She goes silent for a moment before sighing. _“How long do you two intend to stay?”_

 

“ _Until after the celebration.”_

 

“ _I see.. Where to next after here?”_

 

“ _Ontre.”_

 

“ _Mind if I join you?”_

 

“ _If you are up to it.”_ Lexa glances at Clarke and she nods. _“You are welcome to join.”_

 

“ _Riding again with heda and wanheda.. sure to be fun.”_ Lexa studies the warrior's form when she crosses the room to leave. _“I will see you both tonight. Unless you are too busy with yourselves to come out.”_

 

“ _Go.”_

 

“ _Sha, heda.”_ She leaves with a creak of the door and Lexa hears Clarke's audible sigh.

 

“She never changes does she.”

 

“No.”

 

–

 

Things escalate once the sun goes down. Liquor and food brought out by the people. Music played on instruments Clarke would have once thought lost in the last great war but she spots a young woman with a guitar. Her voice powerful enough to be heard over the shouting of drunken gona and the goufa on the ground in front of her sing along with her. Mars appears at her side the moment Lexa wanders off to find food and drink. Taking her spot on the stairs outside of a crumbling building.

 

“ _The cities lovely people of the night are whispering about heda Lexa's arrival in the city.”_ Mars leans in close to Clarke. _“Many of them would give their lives for one night with the great heda.”_

 

“ _They won't have the chance to.”_ Clarke ignores her eyes. Ignores Mars' attempts to rile her up and make her paranoid. _“Lexa would never.”_

 

“ _Will not stop them from trying. Many hedas before her have visited Oston for their people of the night. Some even taking three or four back to their quarters for a night.”_

 

“ _Lexa is not the type.”_

 

“ _Are you sure?”_

 

Clarke looks at her then. A smirk playing at Mars' lips. _“What the hell are you trying to do?”_

 

“ _Just telling you the truth.”_

 

“ _Stop. You're annoying.”_

 

“ _I am sure many of them would love their heda to take them with their toys.”_

 

“ _Shut up.”_ She breathes out a sigh of relief when Lexa returns. A goufa trailing her before Mars stands and guides the little girl away. The warrior finally leaving her alone. “You took long enough.”

 

“The people wanted to speak with me.”

 

“Oh yeah? What kind of people?” She can't help it. A small part of her is worried now. Mars managing to get under her skin before taking her leave.

 

“Warriors mostly.” She looks over then. Handing Clarke a cup with a look in her eye that only told Clarke that she was about to tell her something she may not like to hear. “Also.. a, um, pros-”

 

“You-”

 

“I said no. I respect their choice of work but I will not accept their offers. I have you, I do not need them.”

 

“Oh.” She releases the breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. Leaning into Lexa' shoulder. “Gods you're amazing.”

 

“You thought I would?”

 

“No, no. Just Mars being annoying is all.”

 

“Why am I not surprised..”

 

“Because you know her as well as I do.” Clarke takes her hand and squeezes. “Come back to my quarters with me?”

 

“Are you offering something I may be unable to refuse?”

 

“Perhaps.” She stands and pulls Lexa up with her. Pulling her through the streets of Oston but she stops when someone steps in front of them. Dress barely hiding her body and Clarke frowns at the woman. She's beautiful, she'll give her that but she doesn't like the way she looks at Lexa. Brown eyes filled with seduction.

 

“ _For heda I am free.”_

 

“ _For heda I will-”_ Clarke begins, venom in her voice and anger beginning to build.

 

“ _No thank you.”_ Lexa cuts Clarke off abruptly. Pulling her past the woman and rushing her to the house by the ocean. Pulling her in and closing the door abruptly behind her. “Clarke.”

 

“I can't believe her! She had the audacity to say that in front of me! Like I wasn't even there!”

 

“Clarke.”

 

“Gods I'll be glad to be out of this city in the morning!”

 

“Clarke..” Lexa sighs but Clarke ignores her. Still furious with the encounter fresh in her mind. She only turns to face Lexa when she tugs at the back of her shirt. The silence that follows is enough for Clarke to calm herself down. There was nothing for her to be really mad about anymore. The woman was gone and Lexa was with her now. “Are you okay?”

 

“I guess.” She sighs loudly, accepting Lexa when she wraps her arms around her. “She just really pissed me off.”

 

“I understand.” The hug lasts for several minutes until Clarke draws back. “Bed? I'm a bit tired now.”

 

“As am I.” She leads her to the bedroom but she motions for Clarke to sit on the bed before kneeling. Undoing the laces the on her boots before tugging them off then pulling her to stand by a hand. “Is this okay?” She asks with her hands on Clarke's hips.

 

“Yes but why?”

 

“Why not?” There is something in the way Lexa continues to undress her that makes her feel warm and loved all at once. It's not particularly sexual. It's not meant to be. Her hands are slow and soft to pull the thin jacket off of Clarke's arms. The belt around her waist gently undone and pants unbuttoned then tugged down for Clarke to step out of. “Have I told you just how beautiful you are lately?”

 

“No but feel free to.”

 

Lexa smiles, “you're beautiful.”

 

“So are you.” Lexa straightens up and Clarke takes her hands. “By far the most beautiful person I've met on the ground. Inside and out.”

 

“Have you not seen yourself?”

 

Clarke shakes her head because Lexa is wrong. She isn't as beautiful as Clarke sees Lexa. There is an ugliness in her. A darkness that Lexa has seen one too many times. She is not beautiful on the inside but an ugly storm of self hatred and despite the way Lexa looks at her. Despite all the love she gives, it still does not blot out the things Clarke feels about herself.

 

“Clarke,” Lexa meets her gaze. Finding the mass of swirling insecurities that lingered there. “I know that I cannot change the way you see yourself. I know that is something that only you can do but I want you to know regardless that I love you and I will always love you. I love you for everything that you are and more. There is nothing that could ever change that.”

 

“I'm a monster Lexa, who could ever love a monster.”

 

“I could and I do but you are not the only monster. We all have something dark inside of us. We've both killed. We've both slaughtered people that we wish we hadn't. You are not alone and you never will be.”

 

“Being heda is different from being a pit fighter.”

 

“I know but there is no difference in pointless deaths.”

 

Clarke sighs and buries her face in Lexa's shoulder. Squeezing her around the middle tightly. “Will you read more to me?”

 

“Of course.”

 

–

 

The ride to Ontre takes days longer than it should have. A snowstorm blows in from the west that forces them to hide out in a cave with their horses. The wind howling outside and fire flickering in the wind that managed to seep in through the thick fur Lexa covered the opening with. Lexa fights the urge to knock Mars out for a few hours. Quickly tiring of her bad jokes until she began to talk about what she saw in the city beneath the sand.

 

It isn't until they are nearing the gates of Ontre that she finally stops talking. The gates open and Clarke's gaze directed to the snowy ground in front of her horse. Hood hiding her hair but she's recognized by a former rebel warrior once they are inside.

 

“Heda!” He exclaims. Hands reaching out to steady Lexa's horse and Clarke's for them to dismount. His smile bright as seconds come to take their horses. “The queen is not seeing anyone today but I will take you to her. I am sure she will be happy to see you both.”

 

“Thank you.” Lexa murmurs. Following the warrior through the streets of Ontre with Clarke beside her. Mars somewhere behind and muttering to herself about the attention Lexa and Clarke receive but Lexa focuses on the city. Realizing there is less a dark atmosphere to it but a more welcoming one. The people seem happier. They wave to Lexa when they recognize her and goufa pause to look up at her in awe once a parent has told them who she is.

 

The throne room that had once been cold and almost terrifying is warmer. More candles lit than Nia would have ever allowed. The throne itself no longer just stone but cushioned with furs. The room even smells vaguely like food that only grows stronger as they approach the home of the current queen. The same home that all queens had used when they led. They only come to a stop once they are in the kitchens. Ontari dressed down in warm clothes and standing beside the home cook. Visibly brighter than she had been the last time Lexa had seen her.

 

“Ontari.” Lexa speaks up when the new queen doesn't look up at her.

 

She whirls and freezes, blinking at them in confusion before she smiles. “Heda! I was not expecting you until later!”

 

“We skipped the floukru. So we are ahead of schedule despite the snowstorm we encountered on the ride here.”

 

“Oh yes.. that storm was a strong one. Many villages came into the city to wait it out.” She looks over at Clarke then to Mars. “It is good that you have made it though. Raven is quite excited to see Clarke again.”

 

“Where is she?”

 

“Goufa came by earlier to talk her into a game in the main square. I suspect that is where she will be now.” There is a lazy sort of smile on her face. One that Lexa hadn't ever expected to see on her face. One that told of the happiness she felt right now despite her position. That despite her hatred for the throne and her own mistakes, she hadn't let it destroy the peace she had always felt within herself. “I can have someone take you if you'd like, Clarke.”

 

“No, I can find it on my own.” Clarke turns and leaves. Mars following her closely and leaving Lexa with Ontari. The queen facing the cook and excusing herself to lead Lexa into what she assumes to be her study. The shelves nearly barren of books but filled with maps. War maps, Lexa assumes.

 

“ _How is Clarke?”_ She asks when she sits in front of a warm fire. _“She looked a little.. off.”_

 

“ _She does not want to be here.”_

 

“ _This is a dark place for her. Full of memories she'd rather forget. I will not be bothered if you decide to leave sooner rather than later.”_ She motions for her to sit. _“I can have supplies prepared before dusk if you need and you two can be gone before nightfall.”_

 

“ _Only if you agree to visit Polis sometime soon.”_

 

“ _That I can do. Raven wants to visit the new Arkadia. I agreed to go with her.”_

 

“ _You two sound serious.”_

 

“ _She made it easier to be here. Helped me change things for the better. I could not have done this without her. She is a blessing.”_

 

“ _Just do not hurt her..”_ She sighs, _“if you hurt her-”_

 

“ _Clarke would kill me.”_

 

“ _Right.”_

 

“ _I do not want to be on the receiving end of her blade again.”_

 

–

 

Clarke watches the goufa that kick around a ball made from deer skin. Completely unsure what it is that makes it keep it's form but she smiles nonetheless. They laugh and cheer each other on as Raven stands between two posts that she guesses is one of the two goals. A city guard stands at the other. Weapons left to lay on the snow dusted ground. Some people linger gathered near the edge of their small playing area. Cheering on one team or the other as Clarke walks to stand near Raven's goal.

 

“Never thought I'd see the great Raven playing goalie.”

 

Raven turns her head to look at her and grins. “Only because they know my team would win if I played any other role.”

 

“Don't doubt that.” Clarke studies her form. Standing there as if her leg doesn't bother her one bit. Breath escaping her parted lips in puffs of white as a goufa kicks a ball towards her and she catches it smoothly. Blocking the opposing team from scoring and her team roars in their victory. “Raven 'fuck you thought' Reyes.”

 

“The one and only.” She leaves the goal as the goufa charge her excitedly. Voices loud as her name is chanted and she just eats it up. Bowing and lifting her arms in victory before ruffling a goufa's hair then shooing them away. “Go, go!”

 

They scurry off as Raven throws her arm over Clarke's shoulder. “Having fun being the hero to those kids?”

 

“Yes. I always end up cold as all hell though but then I just go see Ontari and-”

 

“Stop.”

 

“She makes me a hot bath and-”

 

“Please.”

 

“Gives me a massage.. THEN!-”

 

“Don't!”

 

“I tell her about space.” She laughs aloud. “She likes space. Finds it really intriguing and I don't mind telling her about it.”

 

“Good, you can tell Mars what gravity is then.”

 

“What? Why?”

 

“She wants to know.”

 

“She's not even here!”

 

“I'm here.” Mars speaks up when she approaches them from behind. “What is gravity, Raven kom skaikru or should I call you Raven kom azgeda.”

 

“Well.. I've got to run, Raven. Have fun with Mars?”

 

“Clarke..” Raven warns as Clarke jogs away. “Clarke!”

 

“Bye!”

 

“So.. gravity?” Clarke hears Mars one last time before she's out of earshot. Following the road back towards the throne room but she stops just in front of it. Finding Lexa standing there with Ontari and both grinning at her as if they had just come up with some idea together.

 

“What did you two do?”

 

“We're leaving at noon.” Lexa answers as she pulls Clarke into a warm hug. “Ontari has agreed that she and Raven will visit Polis once we return.”

 

“But why? Is something wrong?”

 

“No, nothing is wrong. I just..” She draws back. “I worry about you. Ontari made a good point while we were talking. This place doesn't hold good memories for you and I don't want you to be uncomfortable here. That being said.. if you'd like to stay then we can stay until the day we planned to leave. It's all up to-”

 

“No, we'll leave today.” Clarke cuts her off. Ontari had been right. This place wasn't a good place for her. It only held bad memories. Only reminded her of the things she'd done to Lexa. Reminded her of all of the people she'd murdered and she didn't want to stay long. “Thank you.” She glances at Ontari too. “Both of you.”

 

“Of course, I already have a set of gona preparing supplies for your journey to the podakru.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

–

 

The people of Castal greet Lexa with apprehension. Some hiding in the doorways of their homes while guards look at her with disdain. Victor, however, greets them with open arms. Ushering them in through the door to his home and to his table to eat with him. Offering them freshly cooked beef that still steamed from the cooking fires. The liveliness of his nature seems to infect his servants and personal guard. Many of them warm and accepting of heda Lexa's arrival but they still only stay for a day. The tension of the people outside of Victor's circle set them both on edge.

 

Lexa sits on her horse near the gates of Castal. Clarke mounting beside her and adjusting the bow across her back when Victor comes to them with a wrapped object. An apologetic smile on his lips when he holds it up to Lexa.

 

“ _What is this?”_

 

“ _Your sword, heda. The sword Dusk kept in his private collection after your escape. I found it early this morning as I was aware that your personal forged sword had been left here.”_ He bows his head as she takes it. Unwrapping the cloth that hides it and she nods as she draws it. Finding the edge sharpened. _“I may have also sharpened it.”_

 

“ _Thank you, Victor. I thought I had lost this forever.”_

 

“ _It is an honor to return it to you.”_ He steps back and the people look at him with disgust as Lexa's heart sinks. Suddenly worried for Victor's survival as he stands there. _“Have a safe journey, heda.”_

 

“ _May the gods protect you and all who love you.”_ The look in his eyes change and she realizes that he is aware of his public dislike. He knows the people don't like him and she sighs. _“Take care of yourself.”_

 

“ _And you as well, heda.”_

 

Lexa turns her horse to the gates and Clarke follows. Following her until they have put some distance between them and Castal before she pushes her horse to ride beside Lexa in the fading light of the sun. “Those people hate him.”

 

“He took over after they lost their leader. They may not even see him as their true leader.” Lexa explains. All too aware of her returned sword bumping against her boot with each step her horse takes. “He may not lead for many years but I hope that whoever takes the throne next will be able to calm them from their war grievances.”

 

“Are the delfikru the same in any way?”

 

“No. The delfikru are thankful to their leader that he kept them out of the war as long as he did. Even more thankful that he joined the right side when he had to. Ranger is a good leader. Always has been. Night at his side makes him a better leader than he ever could have been on his own.”

 

“I see.. what is their clan capitol called?”

 

“Milukee. It sits on a great lake. The city isn't the most populated of all the clan capitols but it is rather large. Rather big in trade as well.”

 

“Will we be welcomed?”

 

“Sha.”

 

“Good.”

 

It takes days to reach the city but once they finally cross the boundary line into it they are greeted by people. Lexa is aware that the people live spread out. You could walk for a good while before coming across another family living in the remains of an old world building but the closer you came to the heart was when the people lived closer together. They didn't live like they were separate however. They lived like one big family. Most people knew the others name unless they were new to the city and now was no different. Before long they had amassed a small following. Gona riding behind them bareback on horses as a set of three ride ahead to lead them to Ranger.

 

Lexa is well aware that Ranger's throne is similar to the ingranrona except that they actually one where the ingranrona do not. A throne open to the public and only covered by an awning made of metal but when they arrive only a goufa sits on the wooden throne. Blue eyes wide and curious when Lexa approaches.

 

“ _Where is Ranger?”_

 

“ _Nontu is inside.”_ The goufa replies. Sliding off the seat and running into the building behind the throne. Darting through cloth that barely covers the entrance as Lexa and Clarke follow. Stepping through into a well lit room that by many standards would be considered a poor man's home. Ranger sits by a cooking fire and Night makes arrowheads at the table in the center. _“Nontu! Someone is here to see you!”_

 

“ _I can see that, Christian.”_ Ranger looks up at them before he stands. _“Heda Lexa, it is an honor to see you again. Clarke as well.”_

 

“ _Milukee thrives.”_

 

“ _Always has.. always will.”_ Night murmurs from where he still works without looking up. _“The current leader is a good one, the next will be even better. Right, Christian?”_

 

“ _Sha!”_

 

“ _Sha.”_ Night pushes back in his seat when Christian clambers up onto his lap to watch him make the arrowheads.

 

“ _How long do you plan to stay?”_

 

“ _Not long. Few days at most.”_

 

“ _I see.”_ Ranger motions for them to follow him back outside. _“Excuse the child. The parents were killed in the war and Night took it upon himself to raise Christian.”_

 

“ _Christian reminds me of Couis.”_ Lexa glances back at the doorway. Catching a glimpse of blue eyes that suddenly dart away. _“Couis is a goufa that was left in my care after his nontu died.”_

 

“ _He is a lucky boy to have heda and wanheda looking out for him.”_

 

“ _We are the lucky ones.”_ Clarke adds as she looks out over the seats that rise in front of the throne. _“Your city is beautiful.”_

 

“ _Thank you but it is the people who make it beautiful.”_ He meets Lexa's gaze, _“I assume that this visit is not for the war but more for the two of you?”_

 

“ _It is.”_

 

“ _I will have someone find you a place to stay until you leave. Somewhere quiet.”_

 

“ _We would like that.”_

 

“ _So would I..”_ He mutters before motioning to a guard who stands some distance from them. Ordering him as his voice carries before the man has even reached them. _“I supposed it is customary to dine with heda.”_

 

“ _This visit does not care for customs, Ranger.”_

 

“ _Good. I am not in the mood for guests at my table tonight.. perhaps before you leave?”_

 

“ _Sha.”_

 

Clarke waits until they are out of earshot of the leader to finally talk. “He's rude.”

 

“He's private.” Lexa defends. Taking her horse's lead from a second. “I am not bothered by him.”

 

“He was still rude.”

 

“Take it as time for us to be alone.”

 

“We have been.. on the road.”

 

“Do you tire of me?”

 

“Never.” She takes Lexa's hand and squeezes. “I just wanted to know a bit more about this city is all.”

 

“I am sure there is someone here who can tell you all about it.”

 

“You don't know anything?”

 

“Not as much as you'd like to know I think.” They walk through the streets with their horses and Clarke sighs as she looks up at the clear sky. A cool breeze washing over them. “This place is very calming.”

 

“Very..”

 

“No one bothers us. No one will bother us.” She doesn't mean for there to be a hint in what she says what Clarke seems to hear it anyway and she smiles at her. “I did not mean it like-”

 

“Sure sounded like it.”

 

“Was not what I intended.”

 

“So you don't want to then?” Clarke asked quietly as someone passes them and Lexa stops to face. “It's okay if you don't. I understand that we're not exactly there yet. I get it, you-”

 

“I did not say I wasn't ready, Clarke. I am but it is a step we have yet to take since..”

 

“Since Ontre. I know.” She sighs and Lexa steps forward again. “It can wait until we're ready.”

 

“I said I was-”

 

“You said.. not I.” She steps closer to Lexa. “I won't lie to you though, Lexa. I like teasing you. It's fun to see you get flustered.”

 

“I do not get flustered.”

 

“Your ears are red right now.” She laughs and Lexa frowns. “It's cute. Don't worry and.. I want to be ready. I want to take that step with you again but I'm afraid. What if something happens and I snap again. What if I hurt you and break that trust again. What if-”

 

“What if you never snap. What if you don't hurt me..”

 

“I'm just afraid.”

 

“I understand. It's okay. I will love you if we take that step or not.”

 

“You're too good for me.”

 

Lexa shrugs as someone approaches them. Explaining rapidly that Ranger had sent him to escort them to their guest quarters for their visit before turning and taking off. Leading them through quiet streets. Fewer and fewer people appearing until he finally stops in front of a low building. Door closed before he opens it after pointing to another building where they can bed their horses down. He leaves after that. Quickly running away and leaving them alone there.

 

–

 

Clarke wakes curled into Lexa's side the next morning. Sunlight streaming in through the half covered window by the bed. Breeze coming through cool and Clarke snuggles into Lexa's side to absorb her heat. The commander squeezing at her to hold her close but Clarke can't fall back asleep. The sound of birds singing outside wasn't what kept her awake though. Thoughts about taking the next step with Lexa took front and center. She'd been right when she said there was a chance she'd never snap again. Never hurt her again and Clarke knew she couldn't live the rest of her life with a what if keeping her from her happiness.

 

She sighs as she slips her hand under Lexa's shirt. Drawing slow circles across her warm skin before Lexa finally stirs. Rolling onto her side and meeting curious eyes as the hand trails along her hip. Short nails lightly scratching over her skin as Lexa cocks an eyebrow at her in curiosity. Taken off guard by Clarke's sudden kiss but she goes along with it. Parting her lips to accept Clarke's exploring tongue. Sighing when her hand grips at her butt through her thin shorts but she draws back.

 

“What are we doing?”

 

“Taking the next step.”

 

“Are you sure?”

 

“Yes.” She leans in and kisses her again before continuing. “What you said yesterday got me thinking and you were right. I can't keep wondering what if. It only stops me from moving forward, stops us from moving forward and I want to move forward with you. I want it to be you and me together. Not us apart.” She straddles Lexa's waist. “I want this.. but only if you do too.”

 

“I do.”

 

“Then stop talking and touch me, Lexa.”

 

She nods and hands rest on her hips as she sits up to kiss her soundly. Running her tongue along her bottom lip and pulling her closer by her hips. Fingers digging into her skin and Clarke grinds down on her in response. Smiling into the next kiss as Lexa moans before pushing her back down to strip off her shirt. Pausing a moment when the cool air meets her scars but Lexa scans her body lovingly before rolling them. Pushing herself down her body to plant soft kisses along her exposed torso. Lingering on the scar that Echo had given her.

 

“Lexa..” Clarke sighs. Back arching when teeth nip at the skin of her hip. Hand trailing up her stomach to palm her full breast. “Lexa.” She warns, reaching down to lay a hand on the back of her head.

 

“Yes, love?”

 

“Stop teasing me.”

 

“Did you not do the same to me?”

 

“Lexa..” Clarke growls. Feeling her heart pick up in speed when Lexa presses her lips against the inside of her thighs. Fingers pressing against her center that still remains clothed by her underwear. Her brain short circuiting when Lexa's fingers dip beneath. Sliding across her soaked center before drawing back to suck on her fingers. “Fuck.”

 

“Soon.” Lexa settles between her thighs. Thumb brushing over Clarke's clit beneath her underwear. “Lift your hips.”

 

Clarke obeys almost hurriedly. Lifting high enough for Lexa to pull her underwear down and away. Pushed to the end of the bed and forgotten as Lexa hums to herself at what she finds. A certain darkness filling her eyes when she looks up at Clarke. Soaking up the rise and fall of her chest. Blue eyes needy and free hand gripping at the sheets beneath her. Naked and wanting, on the edge of begging before Lexa suddenly dips down and drags her tongue over her center. Hands resting on her hips to keep her place as her tongue parts soaked folds.

 

“Please.” Clarke whispers, back arching at Lexa's thumb brushing her clit again before pressing down a little firmer on it. Rubbing a slow, teasing circle and Clarke spreads her legs further apart. Eyes squeezed shut when Lexa dips her tongue into her opening. Rasping pants filling the small room as Lexa's thumb rubs at her faster. Tongue replacing her thumb after a moment and a finger pushes into Clarke's soaked opening. Earning Lexa a loud, pleased groan after the first thrust. “Don't stop. Gods please don't stop.”

 

“It is only me, Clarke.”

 

“Shut up and fuck me.” Clarke whimpers when Lexa pushes in a second finger. Moaning her name louder after the first swipe of her tongue over her hard clit. The hand in Lexa's hair twisting and urging her faster but she remains slow. Building Clarke up tortuously slow. Alternating between lightly sucking at her clit and flicks that keep her wanting more. The fingers inside of her slowly pumping in and out of her tightening hole.

 

“Lexa.. I swear..” She warns that trails off in a satisfied moan when a third finger is introduced. The tongue on her clit picking up in speed as the fingers inside of her do. Walls tightening around her fingers as she begins to near the peak but Lexa pulls her mouth away from her clit. Eyes focused on the fingers that pump in and out of Clarke.

 

“You're beautiful.”

 

“I'll look even better after you let me come.” Clarke grumbles before Lexa pushes herself up to wrap her lips around a hard nipple. Fingers pumping in and out rapidly. “Fuck yes, fuck me. Make me come. Fuck!”

 

“Clarke. I need you to touch me.” Lexa murmurs with her lips against Clarke's glistening skin. “I need you inside me. I want to come with you.” Her fingers slow and Clarke flips them before straddling Lexa. Leaning over her body and slipping her fingers beneath Lexa's thin shorts. Finding her bare underneath and she moans. Finding the commander soaked as she slips two fingers inside of her. “Gods!”

 

“Fuck me, Lexa!” Clarke moans aloud, free hand on Lexa's chest and she arches her back when Lexa pushes three fingers back into her. “Harder!”

 

Her pace is almost brutal. Thrusting up into Clarke as Clarke's fingers fill her. Walls tightening around her once again as Clarke grinds down on her fingers. Reaching her peak first and moaning Lexa's name tot he gods above as Lexa follows her through in her release. Lexa pulls her fingers free first before Clarke pulls back. Laying herself on Lexa's chest and breathing out a tired sigh.

 

“Fuck.. that was..”

 

“Worth the wait.”

 

“Exactly.” Clarke reaches back and pulls the the blanket that had been pushed to end of the bed over them. Curling into Lexa's side and kissing her bare shoulder. “I love you..”

 

“I love you too.” She shifts and faces Clarke. Brushing strands of damp blonde hair from her face. “Always.”

 

“Promise?”

 

“Promise.” Clarke closes her eyes a moment before opening them again to look Lexa in the eye. “Not tired are you?”

 

“No.”

 

“Good.. because I'm not done with you yet.”

 

–

 

Clarke draws patterns across the exposed skin of Lexa's back. Marveling at the smoothness of skin as Lexa hums contently at the feeling. The peacefulness of the afternoon stretching into dusk as they nap on and off. Lexa only rising to bring Clarke a piece of fruit from the basket that Night had sent them earlier in the day. Lighting a candle on her way and setting it on a table near the bed.

 

“We have not left this bed all day.”

 

“Are you complaining?” Clarke asks taking the fruit from Lexa and accepting the knife she hands over. “Because I recall that you were not complaining earlier.. more like.. begging.”

 

“Tell anyone and I will-”

 

“You'll what? Take my heart? You've already got it.”

 

“Just as you have mine.” She replies taking a slice of fruit that Clarke holds out to her. “I am not complaining. Just stating a fact.”

 

“Ah, did you have plans today?”

 

“None except spending time with you.”

 

“Then it's not a day wasted but a day well spent.” Clarke kisses her cheek. “I love you.”

 

“I love you too, now cut my more of that fruit.”

 

“Yes, heda.” She hands over more. Studying Lexa a moment as she chews. “I never want this to change.”

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“I never want this feeling to end. I never want to almost lose you. I never want to lose you. I want to live this life until I'm old and gray. I want to fall asleep beside you every night until my last. I want to spend every morning with you until my last. I want to spend more days in bed with you all day. Never leaving except for food. I never-”

 

“We will never lose this.”

 

“How do you know?”

 

“I just do.. it is something I've always known and will forever know.”

 

“I see.. so when did you know?”

 

“Know?”

 

“That you loved me.”

 

“When you said 'you're the one'.” She smiles, “that was when I knew.”

 

“Cheesy but I like it.”

 

“You were always the one.”

 

“Even more cheesy now.”

 

“You will always be the one. From this life into the next and every single one after that.”

 

“You know I'll sleep with you whenever you want right?”

 

“I know.”

 

“Then why?”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Fair point.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'd like to thank everyone who has stuck with me through the ups and downs of this fic. You're all amazing. I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope all of you love it as much as I do.
> 
> If anyone wants to find me on tumblr, I'm at JustDuckinDont. Feel free to say hi or throw a clexa prompt at me. Either or is 100% okay.


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